The Day That Changed my Life

Date: 2014.06.07 | Category: Codey | Response: 0

For those of you who don’t already know this, I use my blog as my journal.  It has worked pretty well so far.  I used to keep a journal for each child, which was easy with three, but not so easy with twelve, soon to be fourteen.  Plus, with our adopted children, much of their life story is missing, which breaks my heart.  This blog and my Facebook posts, which I copy and paste at the end of each month, have become my new way of keeping memories alive for my children.  That being said, this post is for that reason, to retell a story that is quite long and complicated.  This post details the day that changed my life forever.

I looked back to see if I had ever covered this topic before and as far as I can tell, I haven’t.  It’s a hard topic for me.  People often comment about life being hard now and I can honestly say it is nothing compared to what we went through with our first two children.  Now we have money, family that lives close by, older children who want to help, people to lend a hand, and a church that supports us.

Last year I wrote about all the lessons Codey and Kyle’s lives have taught me.  You can read about that here.  (Blog post)  But I have yet to put the words down in writing as to what those first days, months and years were like.  They were hard and life altering and it all started on April 29th, 1987.

It was a beautiful day.  I remember it well.  After work, I had gone shopping with my mom.  I loved those moments with my mom.  She had always been my best friend and I looked forward to our time together shopping.  She took me out to eat before running me to the hospital to meet Dan, who was working, for our second Lamaze class.  I was most definitely pregnant.  You couldn’t miss my big belly.  At this point, I had gone from a 24 inch waist to over 50 inches.  I remember I was wearing this goofy Garfield t-shirt and capris so it must have been a nice night.  I was a little over 28 weeks along, due July 22nd, and just so BIG!  Everyone commented on how big I was and I was constantly asked how close I was to delivering.  My mama would smile and say, “She’s having twins!”  It was a wonderful time, full of anticipation, everyone was overjoyed at the thought of twins. It was the first grandchildren on both sides.  My mom couldn’t wait and  I was feeling very blessed.

Dan and I dated through high school. We broke up for a bit at the end of our senior year and when we got back together we knew that we wanted to be together forever. Neither of us wanted to wait.  When we married, he was 19 and I had just turned 20.  We waited a couple of years before having children, but we knew we wanted a family.  I had always dreamed of having a large family and he would say, “Let’s see what God has planned for us.”  Dan has always had faith and an understanding of God that was way beyond me.  My relationship with God consisted of going to church on Sunday and trying to be good.  Dan taught me what grace, faith and trust were.

We were as broke as you could be.  We drove a truck that seated two and we couldn’t even afford the back bumper for it. (Yes, all those years ago back bumpers were optional.)   We lived in a small apartment.  I was paid not much over $5 an hour working as a legal secretary.  Dan worked in the laundry at the hospital and was attending the local junior college.  When we found out we were having twins, we moved in with Dan’s parents to try and save money for a car and the things we would need.  To most people it would have looked like we were barely surviving, but we were happy.  We had family that loved and supported us.  Dan and I were best friends, we had each other, and we were about to start on this grand adventure called parenthood.

My water broke on the way to the class.  I sat there afraid and unsure of what to do.  I had just met Dan at the hospital.  We were supposed to be attending our second class.  We called our doctor and she had us go to the E.R.  When things like this happen, it doesn’t seem real.  You can’t think.  I couldn’t have imagined what was going to happen even if I knew what could happen.  I was still picturing the happy ending because I didn’t know any better.  And then it began.

They hooked me up to an i.v., they pumped fluid into me, they called in the O.B.   The contractions wouldn’t stop.  Our doctor called the doctors at the bigger metropolitan hospital and asked them what to do.  There was a big debate between the local O.B., our family doctor, and the big town O.B.  No one could agree.  Local O.B. says let her deliver in the small hospital and move the babies when they come.  Big town O.B. says the babies stand a much better chance of surviving if they are delivered at a hospital with a level 3 NICU.   The big town O.B. starts to talk about how I could lose my life and we could lose both the boys and decisions have to be made.

We choose to go to the bigger hospital. Life flight, an air ambulance, is called.  They loaded me on board and our local doctor, Dr. S, rides with me.   Dr. S is afraid I will deliver the boys in air.  She takes the place of one of the transport nurses, who now needs to find a ride back to Methodist.  Dr. S tells me over and over again that it will be okay, but I can see in her eyes that it is not.  We are a long way from o.k.

Not knowing anything about having a baby early, I tell myself they will be small, but it will be okay.   I am in the air, sure that we are going to crash, so afraid that I don’t even know what to pray. “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” plays over and over again in my head. I remember lying there in that helicopter with tears streaming down my face wondering why this had to happen to me.

I arrive at the hospital in record time.  Dan is left driving our “new to us” car – a very old Gremlin.  This car almost fell apart at anything over 55 miles per hour.  My poor husband had to ride 90 minutes with someone he had never met before on the worst day of his life. I was waiting for my mom, Dan, and the rest of the family. My stepfather actually got them lost and it took them forever to get to me.  I had never felt so alone and so afraid in my whole life.

I listened to the whispered discussions while they did lab work and ultrasounds.  There was talk of the boys being conjoined.  Everything they said scared me just a little bit more.  Time seemed to stand still. I couldn’t do this without Dan.  I needed him by my side to help make decisions. He finally arrived at the hospital and the decision was made to do a c-section.  Kyle was breach and since they couldn’t stop my labor, they needed to get the boys out.  They ran down the hallway taking me to the operating room. At 12:04 Codey entered the world at a whopping 2 pounds 7 ounces.

Codey – 2 pounds 7 ounces

One minute later Kyle followed.  He weighed 3 pound 8 ounces.  In my mind that made him stronger and healthier, but that was not to be the case.  Kyle was born with an omphalocele and had many issues.  We would later learn he had Beckwith Weidemann Syndrome.

3 pounds 8 ounces – Kyle

I was frustrated because I was infected and had a temperature so they wouldn’t let me in the NICU.  It was so hard wanting to be with my babies and not being able to see them.   I can’t remember how much time went by before they let me in, but it seemed like forever.   They called us in a couple times and then it was the final time.  They sat me in a rocker and they put my boy in my arms and they pulled this awful white curtain around us. To this day I can not stand white curtains.  It was an open bed unit, which means there was no privacy except for that curtain.  I have no idea what I sounded like sitting in that chair and I could have cared less.  My dreams of two, little blonde haired beautiful boys was coming to an end.  My heart was broken and I let the tears just fall.

Kyle’s death was one of the hardest times of our lives.  It was a pretty horrible place to find ourselves – without jobs, or a place to live, and to not be able to afford to bury our son.  We had life insurance but Kyle needed to live seven days to be able to claim it and he only lived five.  We couldn’t even afford to have the funeral home come down to get Kyle’s body so I held him, wrapped in a blanket, and rode home with mom and Linda, as we drove him the 90 minutes back home.

I remember when the chaplain came up with the idea for us to take Kyle’s body in our car.  I kept saying that I couldn’t do this.  I could not carry his little body in the car with me.  I just couldn’t.  But the chaplain was so kind and so sweet and she told me that with God I could do this.  She said she knew I was strong enough to be there for my son.  She told me it would give me closure and she was right.  It was so hard to hand him off at the funeral home.  I knew he wasn’t there, but still….

Our family supported us in amazing ways, my mom and stepfather bought him a little white casket.  My grandparents gave us two burial plots, one for him and one for Codey.  We had a service where my husband stood up and talked.  Dan’s main point was to tell others to not let Kyle’s life make them bitter or angry.  Dan told them for them to become bitter would dishonor Kyle’s name.  Kyle’s life had purpose.  Kyle’s life had meaning and he wanted everyone to remember that and move forward.

My favorite/saddest memory of that day was my husband lifting the little white casket off the back of the hearse.  Dan didn’t think about pall bearers, all he thought about was taking his little boy to his final resting place. I had brought Kyle into this world and Dan laid him to rest. I will never forget that moment or how much I loved my husband and his sweet, caring heart.

We were lucky that we didn’t have to go home to move our belongings.  What little we had was still at his parents.  We didn’t even have a nursery to go home to.  We had one lone cradle that sat in our room.  We had never gotten around to building the other cradle and now it seemed as if it was an omen, like some how we knew or had caused what happened.  It’s crazy what your pained mind will believe.

Did I not pray hard enough?  Was my faith not strong enough? Did it look like I didn’t care?  Where the others right?  Did God think we couldn’t handle two sick children? (Someone actually said this to me at Kyle’s service.)  Were we being punished for some sin?  Why did this happen to us when all we wanted was to have a child to love.  Why? Why? Why?

We moved into the Ronald McDonald House and lived there long enough to kicked out.  You can stay three months and then they remind you that you might need to make some other plans.  We had to decide what to do with our lives. Codey was not quickly getting better.  Dan decided that he wanted to make a difference in the lives of babies like our boys.  He decided to become a doctor, which is a far cry from the man I married who was thinking of being an art teacher.  Dan applied to Drake University to get his B.A. in biology.  We got into married student housing right away.   I started working temp jobs for attorneys in town so I could pick and choose when I worked.

Codey was on maximum ventilator settings for many months. Time and time again they would say there is no more support we can give him.  He was on 100% oxygen. He would get sick, we would call down our family, and wait.  We waited for him to die.  We waited and waited and waited.  I lost track of how many times we waited for Codey to die.  Over and over again this happened and each time Codey pulled through.  You can only wait for your child to die so many times before you decide that maybe it’s time to live.

We had even been asked a few times if we wanted to discontinue support, but how do you discontinue support on a child who is not brain dead?   How do you do that when your child is playing and kicking in his bed?  Both Dan and I believed that if it was Codey’s time, God would call him home.  Kyle was on the same maximum settings and he never survived.  Dan and I just couldn’t make that decision.  We had to leave it in God’s hands.

He was such a sweet, sweet baby!

We spent all our first holidays in that hospital.  We had gone through Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and now we were celebrating Christmas.  It was a very sad time, although the nurses in the unit tried to make it festive.  We came in one morning to find Codey in a big boy crib.  The nurses had got together and bought him a regular bed.  Dan bought battery powered Christmas lights for above his bed.  I remember other families complaining and the nurses telling them if they wanted to stay 8 months, they could have one too.

One of the funniest memories of this crib, was when Codey extubated himself.  He was very good at extubating himself.  Jan had even made him his own fabric arm restraints to try and keep his hands away from his face.  Anyway, Codey extubated himself and no one could figure out how to get the side of the crib down.  One doctor had to hold him and the other had to intubate him.  It became a running joke in the unit as to how many years of schooling it takes to be able to put the side of a crib down.

In January, he would be transferred to the university hospital, 90 miles away, to have a tracheostomy placed.  The doctors at our local hospital told us they thought they would kill him if they tried to do the surgery and they wanted us to go somewhere where the surgeons had performed more of these surgeries.  I still have the utmost respect for these doctors who decided to do what was in the best interest of Codey.

On the way out the door, the NICU informed us that Codey had hydrocephalus that they thought was being somewhat controlled by large doses of lasix.  A not so nice surprise but at the time we had no clue what that would mean for our little guy.  Codey was transferred and the primary nurse, Jan, who had cared for our son for the past 8 months, rode along in the ambulance with him.

It was very hard being in the hospital that long.  Not many people visited or seem to care about Codey.  It felt like no one really knew what to do, but Jan loved Codey.  She protected Codey and she still remembers Codey.  During a horrible, horrible time it was nice to know that someone truly cared about our boy.  As a nurse or doctor, don’t ever forget the impact your lives have on those you care for.   Jan still remembers Codey’s birthdays.  She has even come to our older children’s graduation parties.  She is loved and will always have a special place in our hearts.

Somewhere in the midst of all this waiting, I found out I was pregnant.  Talk about the perfect timing.  We hadn’t even made it out of the hospital with our first child and I was pregnant again.  At the time, this would seem like the worst possible thing that could happen to us, but time would show us what a blessing Zachary was and how perfect God’s plan is.

Playing with Zach!

After a short stay at the University Hospital, we went back to the local hospital but to the PICU this time. The PICU would be the place where everything would change for Codey.  He had his first birthday party there and the local news covered this amazing story of the little boy who had yet to spend a day at home.  At that time, Codey was on oxygen and had a tracheostomy but he was doing well.  He was sitting and talking.  He had a horrible case of bronchopulmonary dysplasia and his lungs just needed time to heal.

At 14 months of age we would go home for a day.  It was a wonderful time to finally get him home.  We surprised Dan’s mom by not telling her that Codey was coming home.  It was a day of happiness, but it didn’t last long.  We were right back in the PICU.

Eventually Codey required a shunt for hydrocephalus.  He had many shunt malufunctions and infections.  During an infection Codey would have the bleed that would change our lives.   When your shunt becomes infected, you need to pull that shunt and treat the patient with i.v. antibiotics before you can place a new shunt.  After the shunt removal surgery, Codey just wouldn’t wake up.  We kept telling the nurses, residents, anyone who would listen that he wasn’t acting right.  They would tell us he was just sleepy from surgery. We tried all day long to get someone to listen to us.  They finally had to pay attention when Codey started seizing. By the time they took him to the O.R. there was a small amount of brain squished up against the inside of his head.  The whole middle was blood.  Somehow a vessel had been torn when they pulled the shunt out.  They gave us the choice to treat him or let him go.  I know what they wanted us to do, but I couldn’t watch it.  Dan and I decided if he was going to die, we wanted it to be in surgery where he would be unaware of the pain.  We just couldn’t watch it anymore.  He was seizing so bad that only his head and his feet were on the bed.  It was horrible to watch your child writhe in so much pain.

The neurologist helped us call our family.  Everyone said it would only be a matter of time, but it wasn’t Codey’s time.  He came out of surgery and slowly got better.  We were given the prognosis that they thought he would be blind, deaf, and in a vegetative state.  Those are pretty grim things for a parent to hear.  What had we done?  Should we have just let him go?  It is hard when you are in the middle of it.  How can anyone make those decisions?  When someone confronts you with this after you have fought so hard, how can you possibly give up now?

On August 5, 1988, Codey was readmitted to the hospital.  I remember all the nurses asking us when the last time Dan and I had gone on a date together.  Dan and I laughed.  They told us Codey was stable and tried to convince us to go.  One of the nurses who helped at home was even on that night.  They talked us in to going out.  I was 35 weeks pregnant and very tired, having a date with my husband sounded like a wonderful plan.  They even joked that this would be a good time to have the baby since we now had a sitter for Codey.  We left the unit, chuckling to ourselves.  We ate and went to see a movie and my water broke.  Zachary was born later that night.  As always, God’s timing is perfect.

Life was hard with Codey at home.  Dan had decided to go to medical school.  We were 3 hours away from family.  Codey was g-tube fed, on oxygen, had a tracheostomy, and was on a ventilator.  Zach was a few months old when we moved.  We had issues with nursing and finally just gave up and did it ourselves.  Life was difficult then.  We didn’t have any extra cash.  We had just moved and knew no one in the town. There were many times we felt very, very alone.

Codey has spent an unbelievable amount of time in the hospital.  He has had a 14 month stay; two six month stays; two, three and four months stays over and over again.  He has had close to 100 surgeries and procedures.  We have been through so much with him.  He has had about every complication you can have from the medications he was on – gall stones, kidney stones, ruined teeth, etc. and if there could be a complication from a surgery, it would happen to Codey.  I have watched him endure more procedures than any child should have to go through.  I have seen him beg to be put on a gurney so they could take him to surgery and relieve the pain in his head.  His poor little head has been shaved over and over again for surgery.  At one time he had three shunts in to try and release the pressures.  Eventually he had so much scar tissue in his ventricles that it became impossible to put in enough shunts to drain it.  At that point they did a complicated procedure with a scope to take down the numerous bands of scar tissue that had built up in his ventricles over the years.  He has so much scar tissue in his abdomen from all the infections and shunts that they eventually had to put the shunt tubing into a blood vessel in his neck.  He has had tubes put in his ears, a g-tube placed, cholecystectomy, heel cord release, and a tracheotomy.

Codey is not blind.  Codey is not deaf.  It’s true he isn’t able to walk.  He prefers to scoot around on the floor.  He watches t.v.   He plays with his toys.   He is loved by his family.  He has changed my life. Many people think Codey doesn’t live a life that has worth, but I would disagree.  I believe that Codey is fulfilling his plan.  I believe he is probably doing it better than most of us.  Codey doesn’t say hurtful words to other people.  Codey doesn’t lie, steal or cheat.  Codey isn’t arrogant or mean.  Codey is fulfilling the plan God set out for him to do. Codey is humble and content.  He is not striving for worldly things and for that reason, one day my son will have great rewards in heaven. Life on earth is but a speck of time. Heaven is forever.  I hold fast to that truth.

Matthew 18:3-4  And said, Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

I do not believe God set out for Codey to be hurt.  I believe through free will and random chance things happen to people.  I believe God can stop things from happening and God often does that, but that God sometimes allow things to happen for the good of all involved. His ways are not our ways. We can not possibly comprehend the why.  It may not be what we would want or choose, but it can still be for good.  There is no way 27 years ago that I could have seen all that would come to be because of Codey and Kyle’s lives.

I no longer question why it had to happen to me.  Why not me?  Who am I to think I am better than anyone else?  I am a sinner just like everyone else.  If Codey had to go through all of this, then I am glad I got to be his mother.  I am happy that I got to be the one to comfort Codey.  I am a better person for having had Codey.  I wish Codey hadn’t had to suffer, but I can’t change what happened without it changing how it changed us so if you asked me “Do I wish this hadn’t happened?” – of course I wish this hadn’t happened but I have been blessed to see the blessings that have come out of the suffering.   I truly believe God has used the bad for good according to His will.  The changes in Dan’s and my heart because of the boys are huge and I am not arrogant enough to believe I would have understood anything without those lessons.  It would change my love for hurting children.  It would change our knowing that we could handle anything that happened on our journey.  It would change us knowing what is truly important.  It would change my walk and my journey with God which was strengthened through these lessons.

I have often wondered why these things happened to my son.  Why did Codey have to suffer?  Was it some sin that I had done that Codey was now paying for?  The verse that brought me the most comfort with regard to that question is the story of the child who was born blind told in John 9.  John 9:3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

So the works of God might be displayed in him, that is a pretty good way to live your life and my son has done it well.

HaPpY BirThdAy Jasmine

Date: 2014.06.01 | Category: Jasmine (Shuang Shuang), Photos | Response: 0

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.

A year of so many firsts….

She had her first big birthday party and had no clue what to do with her presents,

but she was beyond thrilled about having her very own cake.

She attended VBS at our church and sang her little heart out, even though she knew very little English.

She got her very first flowers.

And took her very first shopping trip.

She went to the Iowa State Fair.

and her first concert – a Casting Crown’s concert!!!

She couldn’t see the stage from her wheelchair so big sister helped her out.

She discovered she really loves holding babies.

She found her freedom with a hot pink, powered wheelchair on the path in our backyard.

She learned you don’t have to be able to swim to enjoy the pool.

She went to her first Renaissance Fair.

And ate her first turkey leg.

She dressed up as Jasmine for Halloween.

And learned what “trick or treating” was all about.

She went to Disneyland Paris with friends from Spain.  (Well, her picture did anyway.)

This family sponsored Jasmine for years and wanted to adopt her.

She received a really wonderful gift in the mail that touched her heart, from the sweetest little girls.

And learned that people all around the world love her, care about her and pray for her.

This was from a blog post on Love Without Boundaries.

(If you don’t know what this organization does, please check them out.  They are the reason we found Jasmine.  They were advocating for her on their Facebook page and in their blog.)

She got to lead the way on the ice at the engagement party for Zach and Stephanie.

And then be a junior bridesmaid in their wedding.

She was especially excited about the pretty, sparkly dress and having her hair done.

She had her first cake fight.

And learned that she loved baking.

She learned that she was a superhero.

(These capes are made by and adoptive mama, who is funding her adoption.  You can get the capes at Justice Gifts on Facebook.)

She learned English like a pro

and finished kindergarten, first and second grade.

She found out just how beautiful she really is.

(She has told us numerous times that she was often told she was ugly and she believed those words until her daddy sent her a letter and told her that he loved her and that she was beautiful and she chose to believe him.)

She learned how much fun having a big sister is.

Big sisters do your hair and make-up.

And how much fun it is to be a big sister.

The littles adore Jasmine, especially Evie.

She met Steven Curtis Chapman at his Glorious Unfolding Tour at Harmony Bible Church.

And Mikeschair at a concert at Rising Sun Church.

And Jonny Diaz was there too!

She even got to meet her favorite you-tube channel make-up artist, Lex, from MadeULook by Lex.

She has learned about God and His love for her.  She knows God has a plan for her life.  She knows her life has purpose and worth.  She knows that she is saved by His grace.  She understands that we love and remember Kyle even though he died.  She understands through hearing about Kyle’s life that there is a forever future and that brings her great peace.  She understands that no matter what happens in her life we will never leave her side.  She knows that she has a family forever and she will never be forgotten.

Jasmine attended a Women of Faith conference with my mom before she passed away.

And learned about giving to others who have less.

She helped pack boxes for Operation Christmas Child.

And she had the idea to raise money for a little girl named Emma who sat in an orphanage for months with a broken leg.

And learned that life isn’t always fair when Emma passed away.  Jasmine cried many, many tears over little Emma.

She found her very best friend in her little sister Gracie.

And together these two will change the world.

Jasmine talks to Gracie in the middle of the night and shares many secrets with her.  One of those secrets was how hungry her and her friends were.  Gracie and Jasmine put their little heads together and decided to do something about it.  They raised $3,000 towards the nutrition fund at Jasmine’s orphanage.  Jasmine learned that you can make a difference.

They dream of the bus they will drive and the children they will adopt.  20 was the last number being thrown around.

She has learned about family and what that really means.

She was in her first Christmas card picture.

And had a picture with the Easter bunny although she had no clue why the person was in an bunny costume.

She went to the local amusement park and got to play dress-up.

She has changed our lives, brightened our days, moved our hearts, and challenged us to do more.

These two little girl’s will get a chance at family because Jasmine wanted to do more.

Jasmine prayed and our hearts were moved.

Jasmine knew instantly that Kelly and Elyse were her sisters.

She says she learned how to be silly when she joined our family.

She says she loves having a big family and lots of people to love.

When I asked her about her favorite moment of the year, she said, “Dancing with Daddy!”   I don’t have a video of the time he picked her up and danced around the living room floor with her, but the look on her face brought tears to my eyes.  Every little girl wants a daddy who loves her.

Jasmine has learned so much this past year about trust, love, and family; but we have learned just as much about what those words really mean.  We have learned to trust God and His plan even when we don’t have all the answers.  We see even more clearly how His plan is perfect and how He can use lives to change others.  Jasmine is such a blessing and a beautiful addition to our family.

Happy birthday sweet girl!

Happy Birthday Boo!

Date: 2014.05.29 | Category: Cassie | Response: 0

There once was a little girl,

that we all like to call Boo.

(Well, we really named her Cassandra Lynne but Boo just sort of stuck.)

She was the sweetest little girl and

a mama’s dream come true.

She has the biggest, most beautiful, blue eyes that you will ever see.

They say that your eyes are the window to your soul.

Well, if that is the case….

this girl’s soul is beautiful…

the truth is she is as beautiful inside as she is outside….

and her outside is pretty darn cute.

She is the person we leave in charge when one of the other children have to be hospitalized.  We leave her with the littles and the middles because they love her so much.  She brings stability and comfort to her siblings.  She is love and routine and everything good.

When we are traveling, people often ask us who is watching the other kids.  We tell them that our daughter, who is on summer vacation from college, is taking care of them.

People would comment, “All of them?  She is able to care for all those kids at once?”

Yes, she is able to. Amazing as that may sound.

Grandma, Zachary, and Stephanie came to help support her and give her a break, but Cassie is able to handle it.  She is pretty amazing.  She steps up to the challenge because she loves her siblings and wants what is best for them.

During the school year, she drives 45 minutes to school every morning and night so she can still be part of their lives.

She even knows how to drive the bus.

She’s not the usual 21 year old. (22 today!)  She is mature but still child-like at heart, which is why she will make a great elementary teacher.

Children love her….especially our children.

She makes life and learning fun.

She does crafts to take their minds off the hard things that are going on.

She has written about how much her siblings mean to her on her very own blog – Thankful for the Crazy!  (Blog)

I know how very blessed I am to have her in my life.

She was my first little girl and holds a very special place in my heart.

She is a wonderful daughter and a very special friend.

And I am one blessed mama to get to say she’s mine.

Love you Boo!  Happy Birthday!

Why?

Date: 2014.05.25 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Faith | Response: 0

It’s been an interesting month to say the least.  We headed off to Boston ready to complete Evie’s heart cath and surgery only to have her surgery canceled due to a cold that she caught while we were there.  We received wonderful news from the cath and we were okay with waiting if that was what we needed to do.  The next surgery for her requires very healthy lungs and even then you can end up with pleural effusions.  When Hope had her surgery she had a chest tube for months.  We will wait 4-6 weeks for Evie to be well and then try again.

This past Wednesday, we headed off to Stanford for Eli’s heart cath and surgery only to have his surgery canceled due to concerns over how his back teeth looked.  We knew there were concerns about his teeth, but there was also concern about how well he would do under anethesia.  No one really knew because he hadn’t had a cath since he was 8 months old in China.  He has no main branch pulmonary arteries.  No one knew if he would decompensate under general anesthesia or be able to handle it fine.  This past year has been complicated. We didn’t do a heart cath in Iowa because we had been told that Dr. Hanley would require his own anyway so we waited.  We initially were to be seen in January, then we got bumped and bumped again until we ended up with a final date in the end of May.

Eli did great during his heart cath and we were given the great news that he is a wonderful candidate for the unifocalization procedure.  He has four main areas of collaterals each branching off from a single source.  The single sources will be joined together in the unifocalization surgery.  What this means is Eli may be lucky blessed enough to need just one surgery instead of a two or three step surgery process.  Everyone was amazed that he is this old, with his CHD unrepaired, and was still doing relatively well.  His sats are mid to low 70’s.  He regulates himself but is able to play relatively hard unlike Ben who could barely run around the living room without having to sit down.   After the cath, the doctor informed us that a few of Eli’s arteries had grown with him.  She said this doesn’t always happen but that was the reason Eli had been doing so well.  Praises for arteries that grow with little boys.

Which brings me to the title of this post.  Why?

When we are in the hospital, we often have the question posed to us.  “Why did you adopt so many children with special needs?”

We aren’t running around yelling “Do you want to hear about our children?  Did you hear what we did?” blah, blah, blah.  Dan and I both know this is a God thing and all the glory goes to Him.  We know this isn’t about us.  The truth is we didn’t set out to adopt this many children.  We didn’t even have adoption on our radar when the first adoption happened.  As the years have gone by, we have simply been obedient to the call of God.

This is how they find out, it usually starts out like this.   “Are there any smokers in the house?”  “No.”   “Are there any pets in the house?”  “Yes, two dogs.”  “Are there any siblings in the house?” “Yes, do you need them named or would you like a number?”  “Number is fine.”  “We have twelve children.  Ten are still in the home.”  “YOU HAVE TWELVE CHILDREN!?!?!”  “Yes, we are very blessed.”  “Your house must be crazy and loud.”   “Yes, we have a very loud, loving home.”  “Really?  Twelve children?”  “Really!  “Wow! I could never do that.”

Usually then what happens is they leave for a bit and come back later to say, “Can I ask you a personal question?”  We never mind answering those personal questions because people are usually just curious as to why.  Our answers vary but the first answer to why is always…

We are being obedient to God’s calling.  We never set out to do this.  When we got married we didn’t say we are going to adopt this many children. We have just followed where He called us to go.  I can guarantee you when we left to adopt Ben and Maisey we weren’t talking about adopting again.  We were talking about how we had to do all the tours because we would never be in China again.  We wanted to see the culture and know first hand about where our children were born.   I had no clue that God would lead us to four.  I don’t believe anyone starts out thinking they will adopt six children in two years.

When we started our homestudy a couple months after we got home, we talked about putting four on our homestudy.  I remember laughing because why would we put four?   China only allows two at a time.  There are no sibling groups to adopt, but we felt God was saying four.  So four is what we were allowed to put on that homestudy. We had the most amazing year watching God’s plans unfold.  Who gets the blessing of adopting four children, who aren’t related, all at once?  What a year of miracles it was.

But this question doesn’t always answer it for people.   If you haven’t ever been obedient to the call of God or if you have never heard Him whisper to your heart and lead you, it is hard to wrap your head around this.

We let people know what an amazing blessing it is to parent these children.  We don’t feel burdened.  We feel blessed.  We don’t walk around every day in our house thinking about all the special needs our children have.  They are, first and foremost, children.  That is what I see when they run around.  Many times I forget that they have special needs.  When I look at their little faces, I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed with the blessings that I have been allowed to have.

We tell them a little about institutional life and how every child deserves a family.  We talk about the groups we support that encourage foster homes and group homes with a more family like atmosphere.   We talk about how we continue to learn more and our hearts continue to break for those children who are left behind.  I often mention the books that have helped me understand even more.  (The House of Hope, Wish You a Happy Forever, and Silent Tears)

We talk about how many children are waiting.  How we wish we could do more.  How if they saw these children’s faces, they would be forever changed.   My life has been forever changed by the faces I have seen both in China and advocated for on other’s blogs and Facebook pages.  David Platt has the best quote about this.  “We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.

Everything changed for us the day we saw Ben and Maisey’s faces and held them in our arms.

As we were flying home with Eli, I thought about this some more.  I remembered that it was the one year anniversary of the last four arriving in the U.S.  I sat there with little Eli on my lap and contemplated how far he had come this year.

When you adopt, there are many hard, trying and painful things that happen.  Your children come from a very hard place.  A place where food isn’t plentiful.  Many of our children were severely malnourished and have severe teeth decay because of the malnutrition and lack of oral hygiene.  They haven’t been taught the ins and outs of life.  How many times do you redirect your child as they grow?  How many times do you say “No” and redirect them?  How many times do you say “We don’t take toys from other people.”  “We don’t hit other people.” “We eat with our mouths closed.” “We say please.”  and “We say thank you.”  the list could go on and on.

As our bio children are growing, we praise them so they know we support them.  We encourage our children.  We love them even when they are being naughty and they learn unconditional love.  We hold them.  We lift them up.  We feed them when they are hungry.  We comfort them when they are crying.  We bandage their booboos.   We hold their hands when they are afraid.

If you are raised in an institution, you don’t have that input.  You don’t understand why.  Many times you are left in your crib or a chair.  You are fed when they say.  You are fed an amount that they dictate.  You don’t decide what you wear or where you go or what you eat.  You are told what to do and when to do it.  Many of these children have a very hard time deciding anything for themselves.

Recently with Jasmine we had an issue where she didn’t ask to go the bathroom.  I asked her why she didn’t just ask someone.  She told me that she didn’t know.  Then she stated that she didn’t know she could ask someone.  Jasmine spent her life in an orphanage where she was in a wheelchair that she could not move.  She sat in a corner unless someone moved her.  She wasn’t allowed to go to school or eat with the other children because it was on a completely different floor and there is no elevator.  She had one shower a week.  She sometimes forgets she can move her power wheelchair.  What an institution does to a child is so much more than just not being fed.

You may think you understand but until you see these children’s blank faces I don’t think you can truly grasp what they go through.  Until you see the way they hang their heads with that blank stare, you can’t grasp what institutional life really does to their little souls.  Until you watch them devour food for hours, fall asleep holding food, and cry if you move their food, you can’t grasp how hungry they are.  Until you see them unable to let you hold them and comfort them, can you grasp what their little hearts have been through and the walls they have built for protection.  Until you see them get hurt and not cry, can you grasp the magnitude of what it means to learn that no one cares or will come when you are hurt and cry out.  All of these things broke our hearts for the orphan.  All of these things made us wish we could do more.

We wish we could do more because the past two years have been amazing. The past two years have shown us what can happen when children receive love, food, and medical care.  Our hearts were filled with love the first time they came to us so we could kiss their booboo.  The first time they finally allowed us to hold them while they fell asleep.  The trust that they have that we will protect them.  The first smile.  The first laugh.  The love they have for each other.

Every time we have brought these children home they have become family….instantly.  Everyone was welcomed into the family.  Everyone was loved, no matter what your special need.  These are beautiful examples of God’s unconditional love for us.  How He adopts us into His family no matter who we are, what we’ve done, or where we came from.

This is why we do it.  Because God called us.  Because by being obedient to his call, He has taken us on a journey that we never would have thought to start on, but one that has blessed us and changed us in ways that we could never put a price on.  I think if you could see what I have seen, if you could feel what my heart has felt, the question wouldn’t be why.  The question would be why not!

Time to Fly with the Little Guy

Date: 2014.05.21 | Category: Elijah | Response: 0

Today is the day.

We are heading to Stanford to get this cute little guy all checked out.

Praise the Lord! Elijah has so far avoided getting the cold that Evie has.  These two are always together so it is a major blessing and a major miracle that he has avoided the cold.

We’ve known all along that we would one day see Dr. Hanley at the Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital Stanford.  Almost all the doctors who have heard Eli’s diagnosis have asked us, “Are you going to see Hanley?”  After the third or fourth cardiologist says that to you, you start to pay attention.  Dr. Hanley has had some amazing results in unifocalization.  I won’t even pretend that I understand all of the jargon.  I don’t.  What I do know, in very simple terms, is that Eli is missing the major branches of his pulmonary arteries.  He has lots of collaterals and other connections but the main branches aren’t there.  His actual diagnosis is pulmonary atresia and MAPCAS.

We will fly today, have his pre-op appointment Thursday and his heart cath on Friday.  Because of the holiday weekend, his surgery isn’t scheduled until the 28th.  We are hoping and praying that the cath shows there is something that can be done.   We are very hopeful and feel blessed that we have this opportunity.

We have been so lucky with our heart babies so far.  We’ve had wonderful news and blessings beyond measure.  Hoping and praying for the same with the little guy.

Elyse

Date: 2014.05.17 | Category: Adoption, Elyse, Faith | Response: 0

Please say hello to Elyse or Lysee (LeeCee) as everyone has started calling her.

Isn’t she beautiful?  Can’t you just see the sweetness shining through that wonderful smile?

Many of you have been waiting to hear her story.  I apologize that it has taken me so long to get this down in writing, but here is part of her story.

In the midst of discussions between Dan and I about adopting Kelly*, I brought up adopting one more.  I was having a hard time conveying to Dan just why I felt we were being called to adopt two so I put all my thoughts about adopting two at a time in an e-mail to him and asked him not to respond and just let it “percolate” a bit.  He talked with me later that afternoon and asked “are you crazy” and told me “absolutely not”, but I know how God works with him.  If God was placing it on my heart, then God would work on Dan’s heart too.  I didn’t need to nag him.  I just let it be.

A couple days later he told me that he had an image of what this little girl would look like – yellow wheelchair, pig tails, not a toddler or a teenager.   If God meant for it to be, we would find her.  I immediately typed in “little girl in yellow wheelchair, with pigtails, adoption”.   Alas, Google was not helpful, it was not going to be that easy.  I looked at all the pictures on Reece’s Rainbow and didn’t find her.  I asked my Facebook friend Annie how I would go about finding lists of little girls in wheelchairs.  I couldn’t ask Annie to advocate for her.  I just needed to know what my options were.

There are many groups advocating for children from China both on Facebook and Yahoo groups.  I trusted that God would bring her to us.  I saw many pictures of girls in wheelchairs and then Annie posted about a little girl on one of those Facebook groups.  I watched her video and she was just so sweet.  I didn’t have an immediate reaction of “yes, this is her” but I did think she was beautiful, sweet, and had the very best smile.  So just for the heck of it (and yes, I admit I was being more than a little ornery), I sent the video to Dan.  I texted him saying, “How about a light blue wheelchair and yellow rubberbands with the pigtails. lol”

I couldn’t believe it?!?! Spina bifida?  Kelly has spina bifida too.   When we decided that we would adopt two, I had said it would be nice if their special needs were similar so that when we were making appointments at the Children’s Hospital I could double up.  The hospital is 2 hours away and although it wasn’t a requirement it would make life a little easier.  Plus, before Dan told me his vision of what the little girl looked like, I had been looking at lots of aging out girls, other mothers had even sent me information about other girls they were advocating for, but Gracie, who is 9, had said on more than one occasion that it would be nice to adopt a little girl who was her age.  What I didn’t know was how hard Gracie was praying for a little girl close to her age.  I didn’t know this until after we started talking about Elyse.  Gracie later apologized for praying so hard for a little girl her age, but what a wonderful blessing it has turned out to be.  How can you be upset about a little girl’s answered prayers?

And here was his response….

I thought he was joking until I got home and saw his face.  He was serious.  This little girl was his daughter.  He looked at me and said, “We need to go get her.”   This was amazing and could only be from God.  Just so you get the whole picture I’m including his words from an e-mail he sent to his friend the next day.

Just to fill in the story on her.  My dear Lisa had the audacity to ask me about adopting one more on this trip. I have never been more unreceptive to adopting more kids than I was at that moment. An image briefly flashed in my head, and I snapped at her and said – “OK, find me a little girl in a wheelchair, but not a toddler and not a teen. She should have pigtails. And a wheelchair with yellow on it. Otherwise forget it.”

The next day she sent me a link to a video.

I could not have been much more negative at that point if I tried. I started watching it, and just burst into tears. It was just like when I first saw Jasmine. Keep in mind, I’m not prone to bursting into tears, and this isn’t the first cute orphan I’ve seen. I was just wrecked. Then she sang MaMa Hao. I had written something to Lisa a few weeks ago about this song. I had read the lyrics, and posted a little tribute to her stating that this song captures how her children feel about their new mommy. And there she was singing it to us. It was like God slapped me upside my head. By the time the video was over I knew she was mine, and texted Lisa saying simply “She is my daughter”. There she was, exactly what I asked for in living color (the yellow was in her coat, not the wheelchair). 

After I resuscitated Lisa, we talked to Lifeline, and they agreed to transfer her file to CCAI since we had already started with them for Kelly. We had a brief 24 hours of terror, as another family was reviewing her file. But the next day, she was transferred to CCAI, and the LOI was sent about ten minutes later (that was yesterday afternoon).

As you have just read in his message, Elyse was singing the same song Dan had posted to my Facebook just weeks before.   Here is that post.

But as only God can do, there was more.  Dan’s friend knew this little girl as she had once been in their foster care program. We had no idea that she had been cared for by them. She let Dan know that they had pictures of Elyse from when she was a baby.  I cried happy tears.  One of the things that has been the hardest for me with my adopted children is the lack of baby pictures.

Not only that but we found out their organization had been advocating for years to get her paper ready and had all but given up hope that the orphanage would ever do so.  But the orphanage recently decided to get her paper ready.  God is good!  Have I mentioned that before?  Well, it is worth repeating, over and over again!

Many times you never get to hear your adopted children’s stories.  Their years previous to joining your family are just lost, but I have been blessed over and over again.  Jasmine was with Love Without Boundaries so we have updates with pictures over many, many years.  Maisey and Lainey were with New Hope Foundation so we have pictures from their stays.  Eli was at Maria’s Big House of Hope.  Ben and Evie are the only two we don’t have information on.  And now with Kelly at Agape and Elyse having previously been in Love Without Boundaries foster care, I will have their information.  I am one blessed mama.

We had a nerve wracking 24 hours waiting to see if the other family would proceed.  We were blessed in that Lifeline chose to transfer her file.  We know this doesn’t always happen and isn’t always possible.  We can’t thank them enough for helping advocate for our girls.  We are blessed that our agency has been fighting hard to beat Kelly’s August 17th deadline.  Not all agencies are willing to do this.  We have so much support.  It has been overwhelming.  I posted about having PA for Kelly and over 200 people have liked that post and so many have commented about how they have prayed for her and advocated for her. One day I will be able to show her that she has been loved and prayed for by so many.   I now have the same thing with Elyse.  People who have advocated for her and loved her and prayed for her have sent us messages.  What a gift to share with my girls.

I am so excited to work as hard as we can to get the paperwork through. We have 92 days left.  92 days to get immigration clearance, get the dossier sent, LOA, Article 5, and a travel date is not a lot of time, but we have faith that it is being taken care of by God.  As was shown recently with the fingerprinting for our homestudy.

We had Linda and Codey fingerprinted and sent through a courier. We went through a courier because there was a three day turnaround and we knew Codey prints were going to be rejected.   They were both rejected twice so we thought we could do it manually as we have done the previous two adoptions, but there is some new law that makes this no longer available.  The FBI said they could not use the rejection letters from the courier so we needed to start from square one.  They informed us there would be a 5-6 week wait for the prints to clear and considering our dossier needs to leave for China by the end of May, we just didn’t have that much time.  I talked to numerous people at the FBI customer service desk and was told the same thing over and over again, “There’s nothing we can do.  There is no way to expedite this.”

We can’t finish the homestudy without the fingerprint clearance.  Without the homestudy we can’t get our 1-800a form.  Without our 1-800a form, we can not finish our dossier.  Without our dossier being finished and sent to China, China can’t proceed with LOA and on and on and on.  It is horrible.  I was in Boston and there was nothing I could do.  And then all of a sudden we got the news that someone had interceded on our behalf.  Codey and Linda’s prints cleared.  It was amazing.  What we were told over and over again couldn’t happen….happened!

We see his hand all over the girl’s adoptions and we are expectantly waiting to watch it all unfold in His perfect timing!

God is good and we are all feeling blessed!

*Edited to add that Kelly ultimately decided to stay in China and we did not push for the adoption after we found out that she didn’t want to leave the group home that she lived in.  We wanted to honor her request to stay in the only home she had known with the people she loved.

Look Up!

Date: 2014.05.16 | Category: Evangeline Faith, Faith, Thoughts to ponder | Response: 0

All we wanted to do was just go home.  After Evie’s surgery was cancelled, that’s really all I wanted, to go home and hug my other kids.  I know there are worst things in the world than getting stuck in an airport for two days. (Ben’s Story) Please take a moment and look at this mama’s blog.  Although, it is true that the topic is very sad, her faith and Ben’s life are beautiful things.  Please pray for the family’s peace during this time, especially Ben’s twin, and all the other families going through the same thing without all the social media support. 

A friend of mine even went so far as to say that maybe God needed us to talk to or touch someone else’s life.  I know that these things are true. I’ve seen it happen too many times to not believe it. Have you ever met someone who was exactly the person you needed to talk to at just the right moment?  Have you ever stopped to wonder when you meet that person, just what it took for that encounter to happen?  One extra stop light, one more delay, and you would have never met.  It always amazes me how orchestrated all those small moments are in our lives.  It just shows God’s hand in the smallest of details.

As I walked around the Newark Airport, I thought about that. I thought about whose story I might just need to hear. I thought about Ben and Ben’s mom. I thought about how she would give just about anything to be holding Ben and spending hours just walking around an airport.  It is all about perspective.  I could have been angry that I had to spend hours walking in circles holding Evie, but what would that have changed?  So instead I watched people.  I watched people yell, scream, and berate people who had no control over whether or not the planes took off.  I watched many, many, many people text and play games on their devices.  I saw a few people sleep.  I saw a few people reading books.  There were very few people interacting with anyone other than who they traveled with.  If they were alone, they were on a device or sleeping.

How many conversations do we miss because we refuse to look up?  How many new and wonderful people could we meet if we just said “Hi!”?  How can we ever expect to impact anyone else’s life if we never listen to their stories or share our own stories?   I will admit that I’m just as guilty as the next person.   In an elevator it is easier to stare at your screen than look someone in the eye.  It’s uncomfortable so we avert our eyes and we believe those tiny screens are the perfect excuse.

I spent over 10 hours each day in the airport, I had lots of time to watch people.  I watched people almost knock Evie over because they wouldn’t look up from their phones.  They never even noticed that they almost hit Evie and then I started to pay attention to who did notice Evie.

Almost everyone we met, who was in a wheelchair, noticed Evie.  They waved and Evie blew them kisses.  We met a  grandma who was going to San Diego to meet her son and then on to Norway and then taking a riverboat down the Danube.  How exciting.  She was almost 80 years old and still actively living her life.  She talked about our adopting.  She talked about teaching children English as a second language.  We discussed many things.  She watched Evie who proceeded to tell this grandma that she was a good girl for throwing away her garbage.  Evie smiled at her and charmed her with all her Evie ways.  Enough so that this 80 year old grandma said, “She could almost make you wish you had more and I was never one to really enjoy being around a lot of children.”

Evie told workers they did a good job.  People who probably never get a thank you for picking up trash or serving fries.  Evie thanked them and told them good job.  Evie smiled and made faces at countless people. There were a few times Dan and I didn’t even notice that Evie was making silly faces at someone.  We would be eating our meal and look down to see Evie making the fishy face or some other goofy face.  Almost every single time it was an older lady sitting alone at a table.  Evie paid attention to them.  They were no longer invisible in an airport.   These women commented on her over the top personality.  They would stop by our table and say to us,  “Don’t you just smile all day long with her?”  Yes, it is true.  Evie is a beautiful soul.  We are blessed to have her in our lives.

We rode the moving sidewalks over and over again.  She would giggle and giggle.  As I said, many people never even noticed her.  Many people almost hit her. But many people who were on their phones stopped what they were doing when Evie smiled at them.  They smiled back and they waved.  One young security officer walked past us while texting, he noticed Evie, stopped his texting and said hi.  He stopped about ten feet away and just watched Evie laugh as she rode along.  He looked at me and said, “It really is about the little things in life, isn’t it?”  He just stood there and watched Evie enjoy life.

Many people are in a rush.  Many people just look for someone to yell at. I’ve was surprised at the number of truly rude people.  I understand that sometimes you need to rush.  I’ve been the person sprinting through the airport trying to make a connection, but not everyone who was rushing truly needed to be, and there is rarely a time that you truly need to be rude.

It’s the older people, the people with young ones who have to move just a little bit slower, who have noticed Evie.  I wonder how much we miss in our everyday lives because we are in such a rush or to busy to bring our eyes up from the phone.

I’ve been bored and I’ve been on my phone, but there’s a difference between checking your phone and not being able to look up from your phone.  It’s like we are so afraid to say “Hi!” to each other.  We use our phones as an excuse to not make eye contact.  I like the people I meet.  I like saying hello.  Dan often teases me about what people will say to me.

I met another adoptive mom on the bus ride from terminal C to terminal A.  I learned a lot about the frustration of her adoptions.  We talked about all sorts of things and encouraged each other.

Two different sets of little Asian boys her size ran up to Evie and got right in her face.  In both cases, the parents barely noticed.  Little ones are so ready to make new friends.  It doesn’t matter what color they other person is, how they are dressed, or whether or not they think they have anything in common.  Little ones just want to meet and play.

We met a little girl named Emme on our trip.  Evie and Emme became fast friends.  Emme was one of those three year olds with a huge vocabulary.  She told us about her imaginary brothers and sisters.  She shared her stuff with Evie.  They read books, played with their toys, and just chased each other in the airport.  They were instant friends.  When do we lose that as children?  Why do we lose that?  The joy of just making new friends.  The joy of sharing our things and visiting?  There is such joy in those connections so why do we decide it is no longer important?

I really don’t have any answers.  I just wanted to give you something to think about.  What could you be missing?  Maybe it’s time to slow down and just look up!

Good News – Bad News

Date: 2014.05.12 | Category: Evangeline Faith | Response: 0

Good news – For those of you who have Facebook you can now follow along on the group Seriously Blessed by Adoption.

Bad news – If you don’t have Facebook, you are out of luck and have to wait for my posts which don’t include nearly as many cute pictures.

Good news – I have actually had time to blog a couple of times in the past couple of days, including a Mother’s Day post.

Bad news – I was in Boston and I missed my babies and my mama on Mother’s Day.

Good news – Evie had a heart cath on Friday and the news was very encouraging.  Both of her pulmonary arteries grew.  The growth of her arteries was so good the surgeons have opted to skip the second surgery, the bidirectional Glenn, and go straight to the Fontan.

Bad news – Evie was hospitalized the day before her cath for hydration and the night after her cath for a 12 hour heparin drip.  We weren’t expecting these stays at all and she wasn’t very happy about them.  (Except for the car rides.)

Good news – We got to meet a very nice mother sharing our room, who had a very sweet baby named Molly.

Bad news – Not really bad news, but I just thought Molly’s mama could use some prayers.  She has a three year old and five month old triplets.  All of you mamas who just gasped, please say an extra prayer for Molly and her mama.  She had a hard Mother’s Day being away from her other little ones.

Bad news – Evie’s surgery was postponed today due to her getting a cold sometime between the heart cath on Friday and Sunday afternoon.  She never really got a fever but she has a runny nose and a wet sounding cough.

Good news – Evie’s surgery can be rescheduled in 4-6 weeks, which means I can go with Eli for his surgery on the 28th.  It also allows us to get our fingerprints done for immigration.

Good news – We got our biometrics appointment letter very quickly.

Bad news – It’s not scheduled until the last of the month which is way to late.  Please say an extra prayer for us as we try to all walk in for fingerprinting at the immigration office.  Sometimes they allow it, sometimes not.  Hopefully, they will take pity on us.

Bad news – We have to have all of our dossier paperwork ready to go by the end of the month.

Good news – We have many agencies who are working very hard and trying to get this done.

Bad news – Codey’s fingerprints have been rejected twice and we have to start all over again at square one.

Good news – Apparently having a pretty, young, female police officer tell him that he is going to be friends with her and do his fingerprints right, actually works.  He even put his own thumbs on the papers.  Who knew?

Bad news – Waiting six weeks puts us into July, add a couple weeks recovery, and it brings us exceedingly close to when we would have to travel for Kelly and Elyse.

Good news – Evie seems to be extraordinarily pleased that she is not having surgery today and even told her daddy, “I’m so happy daddy.”  We’ve never heard her say that before.  Plus, she has continued to dance around the hotel room since we got back here.  🙂

Bad news – We waited in the waiting room for 5 1/2 hours today waiting for someone to confirm what Dan had already told the resident the night before – there was no way Evie could have surgery with her wet cough.  We waited just long enough to miss every flight leaving for the night or the flights were already full.

Good news – I get to see my babies tomorrow.

Bad news – I can’t get Elyse’s video to upload into my blog.

Good news – As soon as I do, I am going to share my little girl’s story.

Thanks for all your prayers for little Evie.  I know that God’s timing is perfect.  Maybe if we had had surgery we wouldn’t have been able to get the fingerprinting done and we wouldn’t be able to adopt Kelly.   I don’t know why Evie got this cold.  It’s really not horrible, no fever, she looks good.  It was just enough to cancel surgery so there must be a reason.   We shall continue to praise God for all He has done to heal our little girl.  Her heart cath on Friday was unbelievably encouraging.  The words the doctors used was “phenomenal”.  Considering we were told at the beginning they couldn’t even see her pulmonary arteries and weren’t sure she had any, this is beyond amazing.

God continues to have us walk this road of trust, patience, and faith. Somedays, I admit, I do better than others.  I’m truly not upset about the cancellation just wondering about the logistics of it all, but our God knows what the future holds.   Worry will not change a thing so I will trust this was right, look forward to one more good night of sleep, and hurry on home to my babies.

Matthew 6:27 – Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 

My Mother’s Day Wishes

Date: 2014.05.11 | Category: Adoption, Faith | Response: 0

I want to wish all the mamas I know a very Happy Mother’s Day!

I want to wish peace to those who are waiting to become a mother for the first time or are in the process again.

I want to wish comfort to those, like me, who are missing their mothers so much, not just today, but everyday.

I pray for eyes to be open to all the children who are longing for a mother.

I pray for hearts to hear the call of the Lord to care for these hurting souls.

I pray for homes to be open to foster children in need.

I pray for encouragement and help for mothers in our communities, near or far, who need a helping hand.

I pray for the mamas whose children forget them today.

I pray for the mamas who have had children die.

I pray for my two sweeties who are not yet with us.

Being a mama is the best job I could ever hope for.  I have been blessed over and over again with sweet, wonderful souls that have made my life a better, fuller, brighter, happier place.  They have strengthened my faith and helped me grow in ways I could have never imagined when I first became a mother.  When I was young I wanted to be a nurse, a teacher, and a mother to 12.  I have been all of those things and more during the past 27 years. Every day is Mother’s Day at our house and I am one very blessed mama.  Thank you for making me a mama -Codey, Kyle, Zachary, Cassandra, Hope, Jasmine, Grace, Benjamin, Maisey, Lainey, Evangeline and Elijah.

What about your other children?

Date: 2014.05.09 | Category: Adoption, Faith | Response: 0

In the midst of Evie and Eli’s upcoming surgeries, I have been doing a lot of praying and thinking. I have been asked the question, “What about your other children?” quite a few times.  I recently read a post in one of the heart groups I belong to where the parents said they thought they could handle anything, but they were unsure of whether to proceed with adopting a special needs child for fear it would hurt their other children.

It’s a legitimate concern.   You have to consider everything.  The problem is you can’t guess everything nor can you truly know what the future is going to bring.   There is no way to know.  Plus, everyone automatically assumes that it is going to do harm to your other children.

I can’t talk for everyone else’s children, only mine, but I can say that they will tell you it was worth it and have been on board to adopt again, each and every time.  That does not mean that there won’t be pain or times when their hearts hurt.

The night before we left for Boston, we were talking about how we were all going to meet so we could walk around the lake together before we left for the airport.  Little Gracie, who is 9, came to me with tears in her eyes.  She said, “I know why we are walking around the lake mama.”

I said, “You do?  I thought we were walking around the lake because it’s supposed to be a beautiful day and we want to be together.”

Gracie said, “We are walking around the lake together so we have a really good memory of our last time together in case Evie doesn’t make it.”

That’s a lot for a nine year old to handle.  Her baby sister might not come home.  When we leave to get on that plane, it may be the last time she sees her.

So I asked her, “Would you do it again, Gracie?”

Her reply was this, “I would do it again even if I only knew her for a week mommy.”

All of this talk got me to thinking about writing a blog post about what my older children feel about the adoptions.  I told them to be honest because it might help other people.  I asked them three simple questions:  1.) Would you do it again?   2.) How has it changed your life?  and 3.) What has been the hardest part?

Here are their answers:

Zachary (25 years old)

1.) Absolutely.

2.) It has given me a sincere appreciation for the brevity of life, and has taught me to not sweat the small stuff and instead treasure every moment, good and bad. It has also taught me how to prioritize and recognize what is actually important in life, not just what’s appealing to that desire for instant gratification.

3.) During the moments before the surgeries, not knowing how things are going to turn out. Everyone has those situations in their life; they just tend to happen a bit more often with a heart kid.

Cassie (21 years old)

1.) I would adopt them again in a heartbeat. Knowing that they probably have a shorter lifespan doesn’t contradict the fact that they are the most wonderful little people. Every kiss, every giggle, every “I love you” is worth the future pain. They deserved more than to die alone and forgotten.

2.) They have changed my life in more ways than I can possibly imagine. Because of them, I try to be more compassionate to people, I’ve learned that many people are ignorant, but willing to be taught about adoption and disabilities, while others are just jerks. I’ve learned how to laugh more, not worry about the small things, and, ultimately, to rely on God. He has a plan for them; it may not be the same plan I want, but I know that He is in control, not me.

3.) The hardest part has been knowing they have a shorter life expectancy. If you dwell on that, everyone will be miserable. I have to think about the fact that we all have a limited number of days, their life calendars are just a bit more visible than ours; we know they have shorter lives.   Seeing them in pain, surgery or residual from the institution is also hard. It’s easy to forget where they come from and the pain and memories they bring with them. Though it hurts your heart to talk through their past with them, we need to listen when they talk. We don’t need to pry or push, but sometimes they need you to know what happened before they were loved.

Hope (15 years old) 

1.) Yes and I would adopt again if I felt God was leading us to them.

2.) I have little kids to play with.  lol

3.) Worrying about the surgeries.

Grace (9 years old)

1.) Yes.

2.) A lot; in a lot of ways.  Like how cute Evie is and how she is walking and talking when she was just sitting in a chair and would probably have died.  Seeing how good Lainey is.  How far Jasmine has come and how silly she is.

3.) Not getting them for a long time.  It’s also really hard if they’re really sick.

I can also tell you that not every one of my children want to have a big family but they all believe in adoption.  Hope knows carrying a child may be dangerous to her health, but she doesn’t even blink and says I will adopt.  Cassie is already planning her adoption trips and the special needs children she hopes to one day be the mother too.  Gracie is in a league all her own.  Jasmine and her dream of adopting 20 and driving an even bigger bus.  Gracie and Jasmine have not given up hope that Dan and I will consider adopting more.

All of this talk got Cassie to thinking more about the subject and she wrote a blog about it too. You can read it here:  Thankful for the Crazy

It’s true your children will be changed. Everyone assumes that it will be for the worst, but maybe, just maybe their faith will be strengthened, your family will grow closer, and your walk with God will be strengthened and in my book those are pretty amazing things.