Archive for November, 2018

  • My Wake Up Call by Jasmine

    Date: 2018.11.20 | Category: Jasmine's Blog

    The past four years I have been very angry about the fact that I can’t walk. I have been angry that China told me I could walk if I go to America.  China lied.  I wanted to walk and make them say I am NOT worthless.  It made me so sad and mad.  I have been really mad and I always take my madness out on my family.  I hurt them and I treat them really badly.  I said lots of mean words to them and I made them feel very bad.

    I have been really, really, really mean to my family and especially to my mom.  I hurt my mom’s feelings.  I have been really mean to her and said lots of hurtful words to her.  I told her many times that I didn’t want her to be my mom. She always forgives me because mama says God forgives her so she needs to forgive too.  She always does nice things for me and I took that for granted.

    I would be mean.  I didn’t want to admit I’m wrong or say I’m sorry.  I always chose the wrong choice instead of being nice.  I would feel really guilty because I thought I could never fix it and that my family wouldn’t love me any more even though they said they did.  I always made up my own story in my head that they didn’t love me and would want me to go away.

    These past weeks, I have been praying to God to ask for His forgiveness.  Mama said that I needed to forgive myself first because everyone else already forgave me.   I wanted God to help me take away my guilt because I felt so bad about what I did and I needed His help.   I know God knows what I did and that He’s watching me.  Mama said, “Christ paid for my sins and none of my family wanted to see me sad. They just want me to be part of the family and be happy again.”

    Every night I would think about it and decide to do the right thing in the morning but when morning came I would wake up and still do the same thing.  I kept praying and praying and asked God to give me one more chance.   On Saturday mom went to an adoption conference.  On the way there, she got into an accident.  The car spun very fast on ice and she hit the bridge.  I felt like I could have lost my mom.  But mom is still here and I am really glad that my mom is alive.

    I am really grateful to God that He gave me one more chance to make it right.  Thank you God!  I am so grateful for my mom and I love my mom so much.  What if my mama would have died?  What if I missed my chance.  I would have spent the rest of my life filled with regret and sadness.

    I want to be part of my family again.  This was my wake up call that I might not have tomorrow to make it right.  I’m so glad my mom is still here being my mom.  I’m really thankful mom always gives me one more chance.

    Thank you mom!  I love you!

     

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