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Profound Life Lessons
I posted this on my Facebook group, Seriously Blessed by Adoption, the other day and I felt I should share it here too. Jasmine’s words contain great wisdom. I am constantly amazed at how much she has been able to grasp in such a short time.
Profound lessons learned this afternoon:
Jasmine coming to grips with never being able to walk is much like a person who is paralyzed coming to grips with what their life will now be like. We were told about a motivational Christian woman named Joni Eareckson Tada. Jasmine and I bought the movie and spent the afternoon watching it. Joni says that she would rather be in her wheelchair and know Jesus then walk and not know Him.
Jasmine looked at me and said, “Mama, it’s like my life. If my grandmother hadn’t placed me in the orphanage, I would have spent my life in a corner in her room. I would have never gone to school. I would have never had a power wheelchair. I would never get to do the things I do now.
If I had never gone to the orphanage, I would have never known how children hurt. I would have never known what it feels like to be an aging out child. I would have never cared about orphans.
If I hadn’t gone to the orphanage, I would have never been adopted. I would have never been loved by you and daddy. I would have missed out on the love of all my sisters and brothers and the fun of watching kids join our family. And most of all I would have never heard about Jesus or known that my life was not worthless.
The next day Jasmine woke up and said to me, “The very last thing that has happened is that I am still alive. Mama, do you know what it is like to think that you would probably be dead if you hadn’t been adopted?” She went on to tell me again how the nannies offered to help her end her life. She told me that the nannies told her over and over again what would happen to her when she turned 14. It isn’t always the case that you will be turned out on the street or go to an institution at 14. If you can work, they will sometimes hire you. If there is someone who has taken you under their wing, then they will allow you to stay until you are 18 or older.
But they had let Jasmine know they were tired of taking care of her. They told of her of the place she would go to live the minute she turned 14. She was told it would be survival of the fittest at the adult institution. I don’t know anything about these places so I asked around. It is pretty much like it is here in the states. It depends on what place you go to and how much they care, some are good, some are bearable, and some are very bad. Where she would have gone was bad, so yes, it would have been very hard for her to survive there.
Plus, without surgery, breathing would have gotten more and more difficult. What kills these children with SMA normally is respiratory illnesses. Here in the U.S. Jasmine has a cough assist machine to help her breath. We use it every morning to help open up her lungs. She had surgery that helped elongate her back and helps her take deeper breaths. She gets regular checkups and help from the very best doctors.
It’s a lot to handle as a 16 year old and yet she does it with grace most days. She has her sad days and her mad days but for 90% of the time Jasmine is joyful and outgoing and compassionate. Believe me with the stories she has told me, the fact that she isn’t a bitter, angry, awful teenager is in itself a miracle. I ask myself that all the time. How did she keep her joy? How did she stay so hopeful?
How? She held on tight to the hope of walking. She dreamed of having a family of her very own. She knew that there was someone bigger than her out there that she prayed constantly to.
I am so moved by her story. I am so blessed to get to be her mama. She teaches me something new every single day. It is an amazing journey and I get to be the one to help her navigate it. It’s a pretty amazing thing but that’s to be expected because she is a pretty amazing, wise young lady.
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Elyse’s Mommy
Elyse has been talking about writing a blog just like big sister, Jasmine. She has been begging me to do a blog about her mama. I promised her I would write what she says no matter what, but after typing this I had serious second thoughts. I have sat on this blog post for a while. I gave her time to think about why she wants to say this. She has told me over and over again that she wants people to understand that a child might not be nice in China because they don’t know any better. They might say things and act up because they are afraid or that is what they have been taught. She feels so bad that she judged me in China. I never gave it another thought after the first few times she said it and it still haunts her that she was mean to the person who came to give her love and a family.
In the end I decided to share this because I thought it was very insightful for a nine year old and it is a small insight into the mind of an child when their whole world is turned upside down. She is truly the sweetest, most caring, helpful little girl. I was afraid she would never attach to me. I was fearful that I would never be the mother she wanted. I was afraid she would never be happy with living in America. I was afraid all those lessons she was taught early in her life were part of who she was forever. The girl Elyse was when we first met her and who she is just 8 months later is vastly different. We are very close and I am very blessed to get to be her mama.
When mama was in China, people take a picture of me and mama. I saw mommy and did not know what to think. I was really mad and really grumpy. I thought Zach and Stephanie (brother and sister-in-law) were my mama and daddy. Mama said, “We go somewhere.” and I said, “NO!” I was really mad at mom. Sometimes I didn’t listen to her.
Sometimes I go to eat with Zach and Stephanie and mama. Sometimes I not be nice to mama. I feel bad now. I sometimes say bad word to mama. I say that she is fat. In China it not good to be fat. We laugh at fat. I make mama feel bad. I say it many times to many people.
I talk to mama about it after we be home for long time. I tell mama that I am sorry for saying bad word. Mama said, “I forgive you. I was not mad.” Mama said, “It only made me sad for a minute. I am heavy. It’s the truth. It’s ok.” Daddy said, “Mama already forgive you. You don’t have to feel bad about it.” But my heart is a little bit sad but mama said, “You don’t know me in China. It’s ok.” Right now I don’t do it because I know mama and I love my mama. I learn that fat don’t make you a bad person.
In China, I say, “I no learn English.” Mama said, “You will learn.” I said, “Mama I don’t. It too hard.” I tell her I no learn English cause I marry Chinese boy.
We went on a boat. I say, “I don’t like pizza. I won’t eat pizza.” Mama said “Just try it.” and I say, “No!” Stephanie say, “Just try it.” I said, “Mmmmm. Pizza is good!” The water was very pretty. It was very much fun. I sorry I was so mad.
I took a big bath in the hotel. It was so much fun. Mama said, “It’s time for bed and she signed ‘night night'” We had two beds but I asked mama to sleep by me. I was afraid. I patted the bed and she know what I say. Mama sleep by me. At night I didn’t sleep. I take pictures and watch t.v. I didn’t listen to mama when she said to go to bed.
Mama said, “We have to adopt Max too.” But I said, “No! I want to go to America.” Mama said, “We can’t leave Max in China.”
Then we went on a big plane for a very big time and we went to America.
We be in America for a long time. Jasmine go to the hospital and I learn English very good. Gracie and Cassie help me.
One day I cry because China say I can’t do anything, but mama and daddy say you can do anything. They say I can cook, drive a car, go to school. They say I can do anything. I cry and cry because I can’t do anything because I in a wheelchair and I am worthless. I know cause China said. I can not do anything. Mama and daddy said, “You can do everything! Dream big!”
In my house Jasmine and Codey are in wheelchairs. Jasmine can say Chinese and Jasmine explain it to me in Chinese that I can do anything and I believe it. Mommy and daddy show me videos with lots of people get married and do lots of things. I can go to school. I believe it!
I have lots of little brothers and sisters. Gracie every day she help me. She help me learn English. She shares her stuff with me and her room. She tell me it our room. She helps me get in bed.
In China they say, “I can go to America. Have a special surgery and fix your legs. Then I can get married and walk and do everything and be happy.” But that’s not true. It make me very sad. Mommy and daddy say they would fix it if they could.
I really happy mommy and daddy adopted me. I get to be called daughter. Mama said, “I so happy you are my daughter and I can be your mom.” Every day I wake up and mommy helps me get up and in my wheelchair. Everyday she say she love me.
I so happy mama and daddy love me and every day hug me. Every day they say they love me.
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Why You Should Adopt (per the terrific trio)
The three girls have asked me to write a blog about adoption. I agreed to write their words just like they say them. I may be in trouble for this one. 🙂
These three are going to be world changers. The heart they have for orphans is so sweet. They want to help. They talk about it all the time. They want to open eyes and hearts to the needs of children. I couldn’t be prouder of them even if they just won’t let the topic of us adopting drop.
Jasmine (16, adopted at age 14) – You should adopt because kids need a family. When you adopt a child, you will know they are so happy for a family. When you are in an orphanage you don’t have anybody to love you. You feel sad and lonely in an orphanage. When you get adopted you can have a mommy and daddy love you. When you have family you are able to do more things not like in the orphanage. You can eat what you want and not the same things over and over and people always feed you. You no go hungry.
Maybe sometimes people think orphanages are good but they are not good it is awful. Kids come to the orphanage and they become really, really sad. When you get a family, you are not alone anymore.
My mama show me pictures of lots of kids that need adopted. I want to help them get a family that is what Jasmine’s Dream is. My daddy say my dream is “a family for every child”. I see a picture of a little girl she is so little and cute. She can use her knees but she has to crawl. Me and mama had a conversation. I said, “Mama, can we adopt her?” Mama said, “No, we can’t anymore. We have lots of kids.” I said, “She is a very pretty little girl. You would like her mama.” Mama said, “It hurts my heart. I can’t look at her anymore.” I said, “Don’t be afraid. Maybe she is our sister. We can help her find a family but I think she is our child.” Mama tell me she will not talk to me about it right now.
If people want to adopt, I say, “Don’t be afraid just go for it!”
Elyse (9, adopted 9 months ago) – Adoption is good because there is daughters and sons who needs a mommy and a daddy. Children are happy when family is together. Some people don’t have to adopt but there are very sad girls and boys that need a mom and dad so if you want to please adopt.
I think Jesus said we can adopt a little girl. She is 7. She is sick like me and Gracie and Jasmine. I think she is my little sister. I don’t care if we adopt 1, 2, or 3. I wish she had a family. She is very sad and looks like me. I wish that many children could be adopted. I will make birds for little girls so they can have a wish to have a family.
I saw another little girl who was very tiny, very, very tiny. She was some where not China. I can’t believe she was 5. She was so tiny. I wish she could have a family. I wish she could have a very good family like us. I don’t want her to die. I hope she has family that love her so much.
Last time mama show me that picture. I was so very sad. I hope some people find her and let her have family. She should not be so little and so sad.
Gracie (10 years old) – People should adopt because no mother and no father is too old and no child should be without a father and mother. Children need families and people who love them to grow up and be happy. It is really fun to have a lot of siblings to play with.
You get to take care of a child who doesn’t have a family and you get to let them know what love is. It would be nice if families could always care for their children but it doesn’t sometimes happen. When it doesn’t happen, is when adoption is good. We should help families stay together but if someone doesn’t have a family we should be there for them. I think this is what Jesus would want.
I hope you think about adoption and how happy you can make some boys and girls.
I think they make some good points so I will post it because I want others to understand that they want to do more. They want us to do more. They make me a better person. The stretch me and how much we can do. They have a big goal to help 1,000 orphans and I believe they will accomplish this goal. it is such an honor and privilege to be their mama.
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A Red Bracelet
A
RED
silicone
bracelet.
To you it’s a piece of silicone that you will spend $5 on and may never ever wear.
To her it’s the visible proof that you can make a difference.
It brings sisters together to fight for a cause bigger than themselves.
To you it’s a cup of fancy coffee or an inexpensive lunch.
To her it’s the first step toward her dream of “a family for every child”.
Even if we only sell a few, it will be worth every penny spent to empower our girl.
Just look at this smile.
She once only heard the words “you are worthless”.
But today she is
powerful,
a force to be reckoned with,
a world changer!
She KNOWS can make a difference.
Every dollar goes towards her dream of keeping families together
and helping older children find a family.
$5
Buys a RED bracelet
and changes the world for one little girl
who then changes the world
for children just like her.
These three girls took a year.
They saved their allowances.
They did extra chores.
They saved their birthday money.
The sold their personal items at a garage sale.
They sold snacks and lemonade.
Others kindly donated to their cause…
and they raised
$1,147.06
and then they decided they wanted to purchase red silicone bracelets
to try and double that amount.
You can make this dream come true.
Just go to their fundraiser page on LWB’s site
or
go to their Facebook page and message me.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/JasminesDream/
or send your donation to
Jasmine’s Dream, P.O. Box 57675, Des Moines, IA 50317
Donate
$5
And you too can change the world.
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Questions and Answers 2015
The blog post “Questions and Answers” popped up on my memories recently on Facebook. I thought I would do an updated version for this year. People ask a lot of questions or make statements that deserve a response, most of them out of genuine curiosity. Some questions are funny, some are heartfelt, and some are just plain interesting.
Where did you and Dan meet?
We attended the same elementary school, junior high and high school. We started dating when Dan was 15 and I was 16.
How long have you been married?
30 years
Did you always want a big family?
Yes, I did. I think Dan was considering 4 at the most because that is what we both grew up with. Now, if we could make it happen, he would take in a child every year.
Did you always know you were going to adopt?
No. We had neighbors who were adopted, but I never really thought about the adoptions. They were just the sisters of the kids we grew up with. Our church never really talked about adoption or James 1:27 and why it is important.
Who initially wanted to adopt? Was it hard to talk Dan into it?
This one is the funniest to me because Dan had to talk me into it. Well, the first adoption (Hope) was a surprise and a beautiful story of faith and God’s hand, but when we were 45 and he started saying we should and could do more, I thought he was crazy because we were way too old to adopt.
You aren’t actually considering adopting more are you?
Well, we are pretty sure our family is complete so I am assuming we are done. Our house is pretty busy, but I believe fully that God has led us to all of our children. He has blessed our family over and over again by following His lead and it would be insane for us to say “No” to him now. Besides whenever we say things that are absolute it usually turns out the other way. We will leave it in God’s hands and keep our focus on the children we are caring for right now and pray that if there is another child(ren) in this world that are meant to be with us that He makes it abundantly clear as quickly as possible so they are not alone for any longer than is necessary..
Let’s see how you feel about having so many children the same age when they are teenagers.
Truth be told, bring it on. I pray that I get the chance to parent six teenagers at the same time. Eli, Ben, and Evie all have very complex heart defects and their life span will be shortened. Noone can tell us for sure how long they have. I pray to God that I am allowed the wonderful opportunity to parent six teenagers that have three and 1/2 years separating them.
Are you insane? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?
No, we are not crazy, insane or any of the other phrases that you might ask. Dan and I, however, are obedient to God’s calling. The first time it was hard to turn it all over to Him, but when you see the blessings that have been bestowed on you for following….well, each time it gets just a little bit easier until you know it would be insane not to follow His lead.
What about your other kids at home? Do they feel neglected? Do they resent sharing their time?
No, if anyone should have had a problem with us adopting more children, it would be Gracie. She was the baby at the time. But Gracie loves her siblings and brings me new pictures of children available for adoption all the time. She wants to help other little girls in wheelchairs. She knows what it has done for her sisters. It makes Gracie’s life harder. She is the person who grabs things they can’t reach. She is the person they ask to run and grab something. She has to put away the clothes that they can’t reach. But she does it with a willing heart because she loves them, not because someone expects it of her.
Grace has mentioned wishing she could hypnotize Dan and I so we would forget how many children we have and adopt again. Just the other day I met a mom through Facebook that has 15 children at home. 12 adopted and they are adopting two more which will make 17. Gracie told me, “See mom. She’s not afraid of the number 17. Embrace the number 17.) Jasmine informs me daily that “I could love more”. Elyse prays for three more sisters (which is where the number 17 comes into play) but says she would settle for one more.
They bring me pictures of bunk beds and show me pictures of children waiting. Jasmine, Elyse, and Grace share the master bedroom because it has the most open bathroom for the wheelchairs. They show me plans of how they can fit more beds in their room. We are currently on a picture with three bunkbeds with trundles. Folks that is six more girls they think they can fit in that room. They talk about how sad the children look in the pictures and how happy we could make them by giving them the love of a family.
You must have lots of help.
I don’t have paid help, but I do have help with my older children who live at home in an apartment, in our garage, on our acreage. When we moved here 14 years ago, we wondered what we would do with a 7-9 car garage. We chose to turn the back into an apartment for the kids as they go to college. Cassie, who is recently married, and her husband, Reece, have chosen to stay in the apartment while Cassie starts teaching and Reece finishes up college. Dan works from home during the week and Dan’s mom comes down when I ask.
We recently simplified the whole house and got rid of tons of stuff. We donated and threw away anything that hadn’t been used in the past year. We drastically reduced the number of items that I had kept because someone gave them to me and it was a memory. We took pictures of the items to keep the memories and then donated it. We took the number of toys way down. We made a place for everything. We instituted a new policy of straightening everything before story time at night and made a list of an item to be deep cleaned each day during the month. The middle girls all have their chores and the littles have small items they are responsible for. We do a big general clean on Saturday while daddy does his 24 hour shift. So far it has simplified everything immensely.
How many children do you have at home? How many children do you have all together?
We have fourteen children. Thirteen still living. Kyle passed away at five days of age, twenty-eight years ago. We have twelve children living at home. Cassie and Reece live in the apartment and the other eleven live in our home. Our oldest son, Codey, is severely mentally and physically challenged and continues to reside in our home. Plus, the four middles and the six littles.
How do you cart everyone around?
We have a bus. Yes, a bus! The children love it. I love it too except for the mileage. It has a wheelchair lift and room for sixteen passengers, two wheelchairs, and the driver. This is another reason why the girls think we should be able to adopt more. Apparently, if there is room in the bus, there is room to adopt.
Is your house huge?
It is a nice size ranch house. It has three bedrooms upstairs and three downstairs. We remodeled to a more open concept a couple years after moving in and it has worked out wonderfully for Jasmine and Elyse’s wheelchair. We have a big sunroom that we have converted into a playroom for the kids. It is big and sunny and they have lots of room to play.
What has been the hardest part?
The waiting is hard. Once you see their picture, you want to go get them. Every day you wait, knowing where they are, is painful.
Unknown diagnosis are hard.
Lainey not sleeping has been very hard. For the most part, it has gotten better. She will sleep for 4-5 hours and then wake up one time and get up for good at 5:30. Have I mentioned I am not a morning person? 🙂
But truth be told the hardest part, for me, is that I can’t do more. We are sponsoring children. We have started Jasmine’s Dream (Love Without Boundaries/Jasmine’s Dream) to advocate and raise funds for children in need. Jasmine has set a goal of helping 1,000 children. We are helping others who are adopting but it still doesn’t feel like enough.
Every day in China children age out of the system at the tender age of 14 and are released with no resources. Many times they don’t have an education or anyone to turn to. Every day children die in orphanages – alone! Every day children are hungry and hurting and wanting a mother and a father to love them. Every year many children age out of our own foster care system. Only a small percentage of the children without families in the world will ever be adopted. A heartbreaking fact when you consider just how many Christians there are. If we, as Christians, stood up and either adopted or helped others, there would be no orphans. What a beautiful statement of the love of Christ.
Why aren’t we doing more? Why do we choose to close our eyes to what is going on around the world? Why do we continue to make excuses?
“The problem seemed so vast, so endemic, that stopping to help a single panhandler (person) could seem pointless.” – Laura Schroff.
If we all stopped and helped just one, we could help them all.
“And so we swept past them everyday, great waves of us going on with our lives and accepting there was nothing we could really do.” – Laura Schroff
What are you doing with your life? Are you caught up in the busyness of your life? So much so that you can’t stop to help one?
“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” – John Lubbock
The picture in the news recently of the little boy who washed up on the beach raised such an uproar. It was horrible. It was heartbreaking. I would agree with that completely but children die everyday all around the world and we pretend it isn’t happening because no one was there to snap their picture, because they weren’t deemed newsworthy.
Here is one example. (Heavenleigh) This little girl is 5 years old and weighs 10 pounds.
Are you looking? Do you see the hurting people? Do you see the children in need? Stop and look for that one that you can help!
Everyone is able to do something.
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I Hope I Always Remember
I still remember the call from CCAI. They said now that we had been matched with Maisey, there was something else they wanted to let us know about, China has a program that would allow you to adopt two children at the same time, if the second child had more complex needs. Dan and I prayed about it. We decided since we were only going to China this one time, that we should adopt two. We figured Maisey would have someone her own age to play with and she wouldn’t feel alone coming to this big, new place.
Hope had come to us asking if we could adopt a little boy with the same heart defect that she had. As a family, we agreed that was a good idea and Dan nicknamed our second child Tigger. We started to pray for Tigger.
We hadn’t had a litttle boy in the house for a very long time. It was fun trying to guess how old he was going to be and what he would look like. We continued to look at CCAI’s Waiting Child page and prayed.
One day Dan asked me to come look at a little boy he had seen on the page. I gasped when I saw his little face. I instantly felt a connection and knew that he was the one. What a sweet little boy. That first picture might have made me gasp, but it was the second picture that stole my breathe away. I had no idea what special need he had, but he was definitely our son. As I was standing there, very emotional, Dan pointed out Ben’s special need – CHD. He was a little heart warrior.
We wrote to CCAI and waited for an answer. When we didn’t hear the next day after they had been open a few hours, I called to make sure they got our message. They had received it but there were other families in line looking at Ben’s medical records. They would have to get back to us. I remember being so upset. This was my son. How could anyone else have his file? What was God doing? Was I really supposed to be his mother? The questions went on and on. We waited and waited and waited. I finally went shopping with the girls just to give myself something else to think about.
Finally, we got the call that they would be sending the records to us for our review. In my mind it didn’t matter, Ben was our son already. I called Dan to let him know. He said he would send the records off to be reviewed by his cardiology friends. I just stood there in the parking lot of Burlington Coat Factory. I remember turning to the girls and crying. “What if he is too sick and daddy doesn’t think we should do it?”
I was a nervous wreck. My stomach was doing flip flops. I knew he was our son. I prayed and prayed and prayed for peace. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed that Dan would feel the same way. I asked God for clarification. The girls keep teasing me over the fact that I would break out in tears over a child I had never even met. If this happened now, I would just trust that feeling but back then I didn’t have a clue how marvelous it is when God works on your heart.
When I came home, I ran right to Dan’s office to see what he knew. I opened the door and saw him sitting there with the saddest look on his face. I thought for sure he was going to tell me that Ben was too sick, that we couldn’t put our family through this, that there was no hope. Dan said everyone he talked to said, “Don’t do this. There’s no hope.” but then Dan quietly said, “He is our son. He may not make it until we can get there, but we need to try.”
Little did we know what a daddy’s boy Ben would be. He went to Dan right away at the registration office and he held on tight from that day on.
Ben and daddy
I never want to forget how that felt. How much I wanted Ben to live just so I could hold him even if it was only for a day. I wanted him to know that I loved him. I wanted him to feel the love of family. I wanted him to know his life mattered.
We got much more than a day with Ben. He has now been with our family 1,267 days. He has gone from a sad little boy who slept with his food to the best big brother to the littles. He loves the job of being big brother. We recently nicknamed him “Minion Squad Leader”. He LOVES this title.
He loves cars and puzzles.
He loves video games especially Mario Cart.
He has grown so much since we brought him home and especially since his surgery.
He has a great sense of style and loves bow ties.
He has the greatest giggle.
He loves to run now. He used to only be able to run around the couch and then he would have to rest. Now you can’t stop him.
Ben reminds us to enjoy life and to take nothing for granted. He reminds us that it isn’t how many days we are allowed to have, it’s what we do with those days.
That’s a pretty successful life for a 7 year old.
Happy birthday to the best Minion Squad Leader around!
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Jasmine’s Blog – Why Can’t I Walk?
In China, people tell me I can walk. In China, I see doctor and doctor says I can walk. The people are lying. I can’t walk. The people tell me if I come to America I can walk. I believe what the people tell me. I come America. I go see lots of doctors and every doctor see me say I can’t walk. I have SMA. (Spinal Muscular Atrophy)
But sometimes I really want to walk. I don’t understand why the boss tell me that you come to America then you can walk. The nannies tell me that no one will want me because people won’t spend money on somebody who doesn’t walk so they say I have to stay in the orphanage. They say I too heavy, really heavy so no body will want me. (*FYI – Jasmine weighs 90 pounds.)
Before I do my back surgery, I thought if I did that surgery, I would be able to walk. But I still can’t walk after I done with surgery. I was really sad because I really want to walk. People always tell me that doctors in America really good and they can help me walk but it is not true.
When I was 5 my grandma was mad at me for not being able to walk She was so mad at me because she don’t know why I can’t walk. When I was little I could walk holding on to the wall but then I can’t do it any more. My grandma says I am pretending not be able to walk. So my grandma take a something hot and put it on my leg. It burned my leg. But I can’t walk.
My grandma take me to the orphanage because she can’t take care of me anymore because I too heavy. I can’t walk and I really heavy so she can’t take care of me so she took me to the orphanage. If I could still walk, my grandma would keep me.
One time in China the nannies say I can walk so they test me put the food over where I can’t reach it. The nanny says if you can reach it you can eat and if you can not reach it you can not eat it and be hungry. I try all day and I can’t reach the food. I really hungry. The nanny hit me and say, “You can’t reach it and I have to do everything. You should walk. Why you can not walk?” I just cry and can’t say anything.
In the orphanage I sat in the corner all day because I can’t walk. Everybody that can walk can go downstairs and play and go to school. They eat downstairs. There were four floors. I was on the third floor. I couldn’t move my wheelchair. I just watched tv and eating and take a nap. I can do nothing. I watch them play and I want to play too but if I ask them to play with me they say you can’t walk so you can’t play. Because they are running. For a little bit I can move my wheelchair but I am really slow.
In China, the orphanage I can’t drink because people say I will have to potty lots and they don’t want to take me to the potty because I too heavy. Sometimes I sit on potty chair all day because they don’t want to take me to the potty. Sometimes I sleep on the potty chair at night because they don’t want to lift me on the bed because I too heavy. Sometimes I think I could be not heavy and then everyone can carry me and they won’t be mad at me. I want to go potty by myself but I can’t.
Sometimes the nannies won’t take me to bed because they don’t want to carry me. They just let me sleep on the floor. They don’t give me blanket or anything. At night I very cold. Then everybody sleeping really good but I not sleeping really good because it is cold and the floor is really hard. They tell me I should come up to bed. I can’t stand up but they say I can walk. Sometimes I feel like nobody care about me. If one day I could walk everything would be so good. I could walk and do everything and the nannies wouldn’t have to help me. I wouldn’t get yelled at and the nannies would like me, but I can’t do anything.
When I come to America I get a power wheelchair. I feel like I walking. I can go really fast. I really like how that feels. I can go outside and play. I can do school. I can go outside and go really fast around the circle. I really like it.
They say I can’t do anything but that is not true. I can do lots of things!
I can cook.
I can go to Adventureland!
I can go to the zoo.
I can ride in the bus.
I can feed the ducks.
I can ride a merry-go-round!
I can play outside with my siblings.
I can do lots of things. I don’t have to walk. I can do lots and lots of stuff and have lots of fun!
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为什么我不能走路？在中国，人们都告诉我，我可以走路。在中国，我看到医生，医生说我可以走。们人在说谎。我不能走。人们告诉我， 如果我来美国，我可以走路。我相信人们告诉我。我来美国。 我去看到很多医生和每个医生见到我都说我不能走路。我有SMA。 （脊髓性肌萎缩） 但是有时候我真的好想走路。我不明白为什么老板告诉我说，你来到美国，那么你可以走路。保姆告诉我，没有人会想要我的， 因为人们不会把钱花在别人身上不会走路的人所以他们说我要留在孤 儿院。他们说我太重了，真的很重，没有人会着想我。 （* 参考 – 茉莉花重量90磅。） 之前，我做我的背部手术，我想如果我做了手术，我能走路。但我还是不能走路后，我做完手术的时候。我真的很伤心， 因为我真的好想走路。人们总是告诉我，在美国的医生非常好， 他们可以帮助我走路，但是事实并不是真的。 当我5我的时候祖母是很生气我不能走路，她很生气我，因为她不知道，为什么我不能走路。我小的时候， 我可以抱墙上着走路，但后来我不能做任何更多事情。 我奶奶说我故意的不能走路。所以，我的奶奶乘坐热的东西， 并把它放在我的腿上。它烧了我的腿。但是真的我不能走路。 我的奶奶带我去孤儿院，因为她不能照顾我了，因为我太重了。我不能走，我真的很重，因此她不能照顾我让她带我去了孤儿院。 如果我能走路的话我奶奶就会把我留在她的身边。 有一次，在中国的保姆说我可以走，这样他们考我把食物在那里我不能拿到它。保姆说， 如果你能拿到它，你就可以吃，如果你不能拿到它，你就不能吃它， 你就饿了。我尝试了一整天，我无法到拿的食物。我真的饿了。 保姆打我，说，“你不能拿到它，我必须做的一切。你应该走路。 为什么你不能走？“我只是哭，什么都不能说。 在孤儿院我在角落里一整天坐着，因为我不能走。每个人都可以走下楼玩，去上学。他们吃饭楼下。有四个楼层。 我是在三楼。我不能动我的轮椅。我只是看电视，吃饭和午睡。 我什么东西我都不能做。我看他们玩，我看他们玩， 但是如果我问他们跟我一起玩的话，他们说你不能走路， 所以你不能玩。因为它们正在跑步。一点点我可以移动我的轮椅， 但我真的很慢。 在中国，孤儿院里我不能喝水，因为有人说我去便盆很多，他们不想带我去便盆，因为我太重了。有时候， 我整天坐在便盆椅子上，因为他们不想带我去便盆。 有时有时我睡在椅子便盆晚上，因为他们想让我自己爬上床去， 因为我太重了。有时候，我觉得我不可能是那么的重那多好， 然后每个人都可以把我抱起来，他们不会生我的气。 我想通过自己去便盆，但是我不能。 有时保姆不会带我去睡觉，因为他们不喜欢背着我。他们只是让我睡在地板上。他们不给我毯子什么的。晚上，我很冷。 然后大家都睡觉确实不错，但我不睡觉真的不好， 因为它是寒冷和地板真的很难。他们告诉我，我应该爬上去睡觉。 我不能站起来，但他们说我可以走。有时候我觉得没有人关心我。 如果有一天我能走路一切会这么好。我可以走路， 做一切和保姆就不用帮我。 我不会被保姆大声吼我然后保姆就会喜欢我，但我不能做任何事情。 当我来到美国，我得到一个电动轮椅。我觉得我走。我可以去真快。我真的很喜欢那种感觉。我可以出去玩。我可以读书。 我可以到外面去，去真快绕了一圈。我很喜欢 他们说我不能做任何事情，但事实并非如此。我可以做很多事情！我可以做饭。我可以去探险！我可以去动物园。我可以骑在巴士上。我可以喂鸭子。我可以骑旋转木马轮！我可以和我的兄弟姐妹在外面玩。我可以做很多事情。我不走。我可以做很多很多的东西，有很多的乐趣！ -
Jasmine’s Blog – First Time Meet Mama
*Jasmine started to write this blog and it made her very sad. She had about half of it written. It was taking a long time to write it out so we decided to try something different. She dictated her words to me and I typed them and then we google translated the last half and she corrected it.
第一次跟妈妈见面*茉莉花开始写这个博客，这让她很伤心。她了花费很长的时间写出来，所以我们决定尝试一些不同的方法。 她决定她说话给我听，我来打字。 我第一次跟妈妈见面的，她收养了我。她和我在沙发上坐了下来。她抱着我。我觉得奇怪，因为我从来没有人拥抱我。 但是妈妈抱着我的时候，我觉得我的心里如此温暖和充满爱。 我们回到了酒店。在酒店妈妈问我想吃什么东西？我说我想吃肯德基。妈妈去买肯德基回来。我吃肯德基。 这个真的好好吃。当我吃完了所有的肯德基，妈妈帮我洗澡。 我很害怕，当我见到妈妈。我不知道，她是不是很好还是不好的。我知道我的妈妈很好，因为在那个晚上，我要水，她去把它给我喝。 当我问别人给我弄水，他们就嚷嚷，说你不能有水喝， 如果你喝水你就会去便盆。 妈妈知道怎么唱。她唱歌，我不知道她说的话。我不明白，但我觉得妈妈很搞笑。有时候妈妈喜欢给我挠痒痒。 她妈妈很喜欢唱歌。我也很喜欢唱歌。妈妈喜欢跳舞。 妈妈和大姐带我去便盆。他们唱歌，我不明白。他们是非常愚蠢的。当我做的一切，他们会说耶！他们总是让我发笑。 我从来不知道傻了，直到我见到妈妈。 在晚上的时候，我和妈妈睡在一起。我很高兴，因为我觉得妈妈的小宝贝， 因为我从来都没有和自己妈妈睡觉在一起我的第一个mama.1 我的第一个妈妈，她不爱我。我小的时候我没有经常看到我的第一个妈妈非常多。 我不知道为什么第一个她妈妈不喜欢我。有一次我生病了。 我真的希望我的第一个妈妈能来看我在医院里，但是她不来看我。 那个时候，我真的很伤心。我说：“为什么妈妈不想来看我呢？” 我生病了，为什么她不来看我。我说，“她是我的妈妈吗？ 或不是我的妈妈？”她像我不是在她的肚子里生的。 有时候，我看到有一个爸爸还有妈妈带她们的孩子去什么地方玩呀的， 去吃饭，或者去逛街的呀，我为什么不能？有时候，我觉得很伤心， 因为我没有妈妈和爸爸要带我去什么地方，或者去什么地方玩， 或有乐趣的爸爸妈妈或。我只是住在一起，我奶奶和我的爷爷。 奶奶是好的。她带我去学校一点点。爷爷喜欢喝坏的东西。 他去上班。他不是很好。他会变当他喝酒。他会非常生气， 妈妈第一次来看我在孤儿院。她没有说什么给我。她只是看着我。我觉得很悲哀。我不明白为什么我的家人这样对我。我小的时候， 没有人爱我。我去学校，我没有人和我玩， 因为我不能走路只可以是坐在椅子上，因为我不能走路。 老师对我很好。孩子们还没有很好的。孩子们跑到外面玩耍的发挥。 我没有与任何人玩。 有一天，当我在学校我奶奶和我的叔叔和爷爷没有来接我回家。他们忘了我在学校里。一整天，晚上我坐在桌旁。他们来接我回家， 在晚上11点。我很喜欢这所学校，他们教了我很多。 我现在能去为3或4个月。我需要停下来， 因为我奶奶带我去孤儿院。 我的祖母告诉我，我们去看看我的哥哥。我没有看到我的哥哥。她走到我送到孤儿院，但她说她会来接我在新的一年。我哭了， 哭了。我很害怕。我不吃饭。保姆是可怕的。 我明白了做保姆与其他孩子，我很害怕。奶奶参观了我几次， 但她在新的一年后，再也没有回来。 孤儿院转移到另一座大楼。我们先住在老房子的5或10个孩子，然后我们去新楼。我看到奶奶有一次在新的建筑， 然后她永远不会再来。 当我年纪大了我的第一个妈妈又生了一个孩子。这个孩子得了病，总是去医院。我的第一个妈妈去医院她花所有的时间与宝宝。 我没有再见到那个孩子。我想我的奶奶带我去孤儿院， 她可以带的婴儿。我不知道。 有一天，在我生日那天我第一个妈妈来看我，在我奶奶家，她来看我，但我的叔叔送给我礼物。当她来到她不会给我的礼物， 连拥抱都给我她还是看着我。我不知道为什么。 我没有一个妈妈了13年。我几乎14，当我得到通过，并去美国。我喜欢有一个妈妈。它感觉很好有妈妈爱你。妈妈可以照顾你。 妈妈带我逛街，出去玩，去一起吃饭，做有趣的东西。 我妈妈陪着我在医院里。我做四次手术，她留在我身边所有的时间，我在医院里。她睡在我的房间。妈妈永远不会离开我在医院里呆着。 我喜欢妈妈陪着我在医院里。有时候我很生气， 因为我有很多不好的回忆，但妈妈不生气。妈妈让我冷静下来。 我知道我的妈妈是爱我的。First time I meet mama, she adopted me. She and me sat down on the couch. She hold me. I feel weird because I never had people hug me. But mama hug me, I feel my heart so warm and full of love.
We went back to the hotel. In the hotel mama ask me I want to eat what food? I said I want to eat KFC. Mama go buy KFC and came back. I eat KFC. It is really good. When I all done eat KFC, mama help me take a bath.
I was scared when I meet mama. I not know if she nice or not nice. I knew my mama was nice because in the night I ask for water and she go get it for me. When I ask others to get me water they would yell and say you can no have water because you have to go potty.
Mama knows how to sing. She sing and I don’t know what she saying. I don’t understand but I feel mama is very funny. Sometime mama like to tickle me. Mama she very like to sing. Me too I like to sing too. Mama like to dance.
Mama and big sister had to take me to the potty. They sing songs I don’t understand. They be very silly. When I all done, they yelled yay! They make me laugh. I never knew silly until I meet mama.
In the night I and mama sleep together. I very happy because I feel like mama’s little baby because I never sleep by my first mama.
My first mama she don’t loves me. I little I don’t see my first mama very much. I don’t know why first mama don’t like me. One time I get sick. I really hope my first mama can come see me in hospital, but she not come and see me. That time I really sad. I said, “Why mama don’t want to come see me?” I am sick so why she not come see me. I say, “Is she my mama or not my mama?” She act like I not in her tummy.
Sometimes I see the kids that have a daddy and mama that go play somewhere, go eat, or go shopping with kids, why can’t I? Sometimes I feel very sad because I don’t have daddy or mama that want to take me go somewhere or go play somewhere or have fun. I just live with my grandma and my grandpa. Grandma is nice. She take me go to school for a little bit. Grandpa like to drink bad stuff. He go to work. He not very nice. He get very mad when he be drinking.
Mama one time come to see me in the orphanage. She not say anything to me. She just look at me. I feel very sad. I don’t understand why my family do that to me. I feel like I little and nobody love me. I went to school and nobody played with me because I had to just sit on a chair because I not walk. Teacher was nice to me. The kids were no nice. The kids went outside to play for playtime. I not have nobody to play with.
One day when I was in school my grandma and my uncle or my grandpa no come and get me. They forget I at the school. I sit at the table all day and night. They come get me at 11 at night. But I like the school they teach me lots. I get to go for 3 or 4 months. I need to stop because my grandma take me to orphanage.
My grandma tell me we go see my brother. I no see my brother. She walk me up to the orphanage but she say she will come get me in New Year. I cried and cried. I was very scared. I do not eat. The nannies were scary. I see what the nannies do with the other kids and I was scared. Grandma visited me a couple times but she didn’t come back after the new year.
The orphanage moved to another building. We first lived in an old house with 5 or 10 kids and then we go to new building. I see grandma one time in new building and then she never come again.
When I was older my first mama had a baby again. This baby got sick and always go to the hospital. My first mama go to the hospital all the time with the baby. I didn’t see that baby again. I think my grandma took me to orphanage so she could take care of that baby. I don’t know.
One day on my birthday my first mama come to see me at my grandma’s house, she come and see me but my uncle gave me gift. When she come she not bring me gift, not hug me or look at me. I don’t know why.
I didn’t have a mama for 13 years. I almost 14 when I get adopted and go to America. I like having a mama. It feels so good to have a mama love you. Mama can take care of you. Mama takes me shopping, out to play, go eat together, and do fun stuff.
My mama stay with me in the hospital. I do four time surgeries and she stay with me for all the time I in the hospital. She sleep in my room. Mama never leave me in the hospital by myself. I like mama stay with me in the hospital. Sometimes I get mad because I have lots of bad memories but mama not mad. Mama just let me calm down.
I know my mama loves me.
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Assume Action
Yesterday was Dan’s birthday but it was me who got the present.
I had been in the basement cleaning. As I was in the basement, Jasmine and Elyse apparently had a very indepth conversation of the first time they met me. I know that Jasmine has been thinking a lot about this because she has told me her next blog is about me and her China mom. I am anxiously awaiting this blog because she does not talk about her China mom very much. Jasmine talks about her grandma who cared for her, but she has only mentioned her mom in passing, and the words were said with much pain.
I have told Jasmine over and over again that she can talk freely about her time in China and the people who cared for her, good or bad. I am not jealous that others loved her. In fact, it is just the opposite, I am thankful. Thankful that she knew love from others for a while. Thankful that people loving her showed her that taking a chance on family was a good thing. I am not happy she went through what she went through but I am thankful the road led her to us.
I once was nervous about being the adoptive mom. When we brought Hope home as a baby, I felt like it was a competition. Would her biological mom one day come back into her life and I would be forgotten? All those fears and questions that you have when you first start out. It didn’t take very long for me to understand those feelings weren’t true. Hope could love me and her bio mom. She could care about me and the woman who brought her into this world. It wasn’t a competition. It isn’t an either or thing.
I have explained that to Jasmine and to Elyse. It is okay to talk. It’s okay to care. You don’t have to forget. I want you to pray for the people you remember, good and bad. I want you to heal and know your place here is secure. I want you to know that you are forever a loved daughter and nothing could change this.
When we adopted Elyse, she had a very hard time with me. I was old and I was fat. These were not very appealing characteristics in her eyes. I cried and talked to Dan about this because, in the beginning, it hurt. The facts were true, I am overweight and I am old, but they still hurt. He would remind me over and over again that our children love me. When Elyse comes home she will see that love and she will want to be a part of that love, but I worried that maybe this would be the adoption that changed everything. This would be the adoption where the child never learned to love me. My heart would be hurt. How would I deal with this? I was afraid.
But last night Elyse gave me the sweetest gift. She asked for my forgiveness. She cried tears and told me that she was so sorry she hurt me. I reminded her that it hurt for the first couple of days but I got over it quickly. I hadn’t even thought about it in a long time. She said she didn’t know any better and she would have never said those things if she knew me. She cried and she cried.
I told her that is the way it often is in life. We judge people based on what we see. We are all guilty of it. I asked her if she learned anything from her mistakes and she said “oh yes!” These are the things I had always been afraid of.
I’m sharing this story because of this video that I watched this morning. Assume Action
“We’ve been so scared of so many things along the way. We’ll wrestle. Do we do it? Do we do it? And we are always terrified. We’ve done some scary things but each time as we start recounting the early days and it was so fun we just walked year by year to different things we did, and we just thought, “What if we didn’t do that?” We would have missed out. Like I’m so glad we just tried. We pursued.” – Francis Chan
These could have been words spoken by Dan and I. It’s always been scary. It’s always seemed like more than we could do. Always! Even in the beginning.
We can’t live through the death of a child. Yes, you can!
We can’t live for over a year in the hospital. Yes, you can!
We can’t adopt a child that may die. Yes, you can. Again and again and again!
We can’t handle a child with severe disabilities. Yes, you can!
We can’t heal hurting hearts. Yes, you can!
We can’t handle a large family. Yes, you can!
The list goes on and on and on.
We would have missed out. Don’t miss out. Take action! Assume God means for you to take action. No matter where your passion lies. God’s book lays it all out there. Care for the orphan. Care for the widow. Feed and cloth the poor. Take care of your brother. Love your neighbor. The need is great. Take action today! Don’t wait.
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Pain and Joy
I’ve seen a lot of heartache recently. I have watched friends stand by their children hopelessly unable to make it all better. Agonizing over long hospital stays and difficult decision. I have heard many question “Why would they adopt knowing this could happen?” or incredulously say “I could never do that.” or “Why would God let this happen?”
I don’t know why this happens. I don’t know why one story is one of miraculous recovery and another is of heartbreak. I can’t make head or tail of it. I try to fathom God’s plan and how it will all work together to bring Him glory and many times it is more than I can wrap my head around. We never want the bad to happen. We never want to take the difficult journey. We choose ease and comfort whenever we can. Even when we sign up for the bad, we do it with a heart full of hope for a miraculous outcome.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 How could anything bad ever be considered good?
As I was talking to a friend yesterday, we were discussing the what if’s. This was after a weekend which just about did my heart in. You can NOT discuss orphans without discussing the magnitude of them. You can not truly delve into the situation without your heart breaking. You can’t consider all those who wait, all around the world, and not feel helpless and unable to make a difference.
All you can do is proceed one child at a time because every child counts. Every child deserves a chance.
- Even though people are turning away from adoption.
- Even though there is not enough time or money to fix it all.
- Even though there is pain and heartache and turmoil.
- Even though your heart may be broken.
- Even though you can’t fix it all.
- Even though it is overwhelming.
You continue to proceed one child at a time, much like the starfish story.
My friends understand this. They have a clear picture of how fleeting life is. They are in the absolute worse situations possible and they give God the glory. They know that a life saved and loved is worth it. They rejoice over what they have been allowed to do, no matter the outcome. I do not wish for any of them to be on this journey but I know, from experience, that they will never be the same. God is growing them and shaping them. Their lives are not worse because of the pain. Their lives are immeasurably blessed by the joy that these children brought. Yes, their hearts will hurt. Yes, they will never be the same. But there is joy in the morning. There is joy in the good news. There is joy in the meeting again for all of eternity. Life on earth is but a small portion of forever.
I have talked with a few mamas on how pain and joy can coexist. How you can be going through the worst possible situation and still be thankful and joyful in the moment? One friend sent me this quote from Ann Voskamp – “Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don’t numb themselves to really living…. Yet I know it in the vein and the visceral: life is loss.”
The goal in life is not to be as comfortable and pain free as you can. The goal in life is to open your heart and love and make a difference.
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