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Assume Action
Yesterday was Dan’s birthday but it was me who got the present.
I had been in the basement cleaning. As I was in the basement, Jasmine and Elyse apparently had a very indepth conversation of the first time they met me. I know that Jasmine has been thinking a lot about this because she has told me her next blog is about me and her China mom. I am anxiously awaiting this blog because she does not talk about her China mom very much. Jasmine talks about her grandma who cared for her, but she has only mentioned her mom in passing, and the words were said with much pain.
I have told Jasmine over and over again that she can talk freely about her time in China and the people who cared for her, good or bad. I am not jealous that others loved her. In fact, it is just the opposite, I am thankful. Thankful that she knew love from others for a while. Thankful that people loving her showed her that taking a chance on family was a good thing. I am not happy she went through what she went through but I am thankful the road led her to us.
I once was nervous about being the adoptive mom. When we brought Hope home as a baby, I felt like it was a competition. Would her biological mom one day come back into her life and I would be forgotten? All those fears and questions that you have when you first start out. It didn’t take very long for me to understand those feelings weren’t true. Hope could love me and her bio mom. She could care about me and the woman who brought her into this world. It wasn’t a competition. It isn’t an either or thing.
I have explained that to Jasmine and to Elyse. It is okay to talk. It’s okay to care. You don’t have to forget. I want you to pray for the people you remember, good and bad. I want you to heal and know your place here is secure. I want you to know that you are forever a loved daughter and nothing could change this.
When we adopted Elyse, she had a very hard time with me. I was old and I was fat. These were not very appealing characteristics in her eyes. I cried and talked to Dan about this because, in the beginning, it hurt. The facts were true, I am overweight and I am old, but they still hurt. He would remind me over and over again that our children love me. When Elyse comes home she will see that love and she will want to be a part of that love, but I worried that maybe this would be the adoption that changed everything. This would be the adoption where the child never learned to love me. My heart would be hurt. How would I deal with this? I was afraid.
But last night Elyse gave me the sweetest gift. She asked for my forgiveness. She cried tears and told me that she was so sorry she hurt me. I reminded her that it hurt for the first couple of days but I got over it quickly. I hadn’t even thought about it in a long time. She said she didn’t know any better and she would have never said those things if she knew me. She cried and she cried.
I told her that is the way it often is in life. We judge people based on what we see. We are all guilty of it. I asked her if she learned anything from her mistakes and she said “oh yes!” These are the things I had always been afraid of.
I’m sharing this story because of this video that I watched this morning. Assume Action
“We’ve been so scared of so many things along the way. We’ll wrestle. Do we do it? Do we do it? And we are always terrified. We’ve done some scary things but each time as we start recounting the early days and it was so fun we just walked year by year to different things we did, and we just thought, “What if we didn’t do that?” We would have missed out. Like I’m so glad we just tried. We pursued.” – Francis Chan
These could have been words spoken by Dan and I. It’s always been scary. It’s always seemed like more than we could do. Always! Even in the beginning.
We can’t live through the death of a child. Yes, you can!
We can’t live for over a year in the hospital. Yes, you can!
We can’t adopt a child that may die. Yes, you can. Again and again and again!
We can’t handle a child with severe disabilities. Yes, you can!
We can’t heal hurting hearts. Yes, you can!
We can’t handle a large family. Yes, you can!
The list goes on and on and on.
We would have missed out. Don’t miss out. Take action! Assume God means for you to take action. No matter where your passion lies. God’s book lays it all out there. Care for the orphan. Care for the widow. Feed and cloth the poor. Take care of your brother. Love your neighbor. The need is great. Take action today! Don’t wait.
