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Jasmine’s Blog – Why Can’t I Walk?
In China, people tell me I can walk. In China, I see doctor and doctor says I can walk. The people are lying. I can’t walk. The people tell me if I come to America I can walk. I believe what the people tell me. I come America. I go see lots of doctors and every doctor see me say I can’t walk. I have SMA. (Spinal Muscular Atrophy)
But sometimes I really want to walk. I don’t understand why the boss tell me that you come to America then you can walk. The nannies tell me that no one will want me because people won’t spend money on somebody who doesn’t walk so they say I have to stay in the orphanage. They say I too heavy, really heavy so no body will want me. (*FYI – Jasmine weighs 90 pounds.)
Before I do my back surgery, I thought if I did that surgery, I would be able to walk. But I still can’t walk after I done with surgery. I was really sad because I really want to walk. People always tell me that doctors in America really good and they can help me walk but it is not true.
When I was 5 my grandma was mad at me for not being able to walk She was so mad at me because she don’t know why I can’t walk. When I was little I could walk holding on to the wall but then I can’t do it any more. My grandma says I am pretending not be able to walk. So my grandma take a something hot and put it on my leg. It burned my leg. But I can’t walk.
My grandma take me to the orphanage because she can’t take care of me anymore because I too heavy. I can’t walk and I really heavy so she can’t take care of me so she took me to the orphanage. If I could still walk, my grandma would keep me.
One time in China the nannies say I can walk so they test me put the food over where I can’t reach it. The nanny says if you can reach it you can eat and if you can not reach it you can not eat it and be hungry. I try all day and I can’t reach the food. I really hungry. The nanny hit me and say, “You can’t reach it and I have to do everything. You should walk. Why you can not walk?” I just cry and can’t say anything.
In the orphanage I sat in the corner all day because I can’t walk. Everybody that can walk can go downstairs and play and go to school. They eat downstairs. There were four floors. I was on the third floor. I couldn’t move my wheelchair. I just watched tv and eating and take a nap. I can do nothing. I watch them play and I want to play too but if I ask them to play with me they say you can’t walk so you can’t play. Because they are running. For a little bit I can move my wheelchair but I am really slow.
In China, the orphanage I can’t drink because people say I will have to potty lots and they don’t want to take me to the potty because I too heavy. Sometimes I sit on potty chair all day because they don’t want to take me to the potty. Sometimes I sleep on the potty chair at night because they don’t want to lift me on the bed because I too heavy. Sometimes I think I could be not heavy and then everyone can carry me and they won’t be mad at me. I want to go potty by myself but I can’t.
Sometimes the nannies won’t take me to bed because they don’t want to carry me. They just let me sleep on the floor. They don’t give me blanket or anything. At night I very cold. Then everybody sleeping really good but I not sleeping really good because it is cold and the floor is really hard. They tell me I should come up to bed. I can’t stand up but they say I can walk. Sometimes I feel like nobody care about me. If one day I could walk everything would be so good. I could walk and do everything and the nannies wouldn’t have to help me. I wouldn’t get yelled at and the nannies would like me, but I can’t do anything.
When I come to America I get a power wheelchair. I feel like I walking. I can go really fast. I really like how that feels. I can go outside and play. I can do school. I can go outside and go really fast around the circle. I really like it.
They say I can’t do anything but that is not true. I can do lots of things!
I can cook.
I can go to Adventureland!
I can go to the zoo.
I can ride in the bus.
I can feed the ducks.
I can ride a merry-go-round!
I can play outside with my siblings.
I can do lots of things. I don’t have to walk. I can do lots and lots of stuff and have lots of fun!
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为什么我不能走路？在中国，人们都告诉我，我可以走路。在中国，我看到医生，医生说我可以走。们人在说谎。我不能走。人们告诉我， 如果我来美国，我可以走路。我相信人们告诉我。我来美国。 我去看到很多医生和每个医生见到我都说我不能走路。我有SMA。 （脊髓性肌萎缩） 但是有时候我真的好想走路。我不明白为什么老板告诉我说，你来到美国，那么你可以走路。保姆告诉我，没有人会想要我的， 因为人们不会把钱花在别人身上不会走路的人所以他们说我要留在孤 儿院。他们说我太重了，真的很重，没有人会着想我。 （* 参考 – 茉莉花重量90磅。） 之前，我做我的背部手术，我想如果我做了手术，我能走路。但我还是不能走路后，我做完手术的时候。我真的很伤心， 因为我真的好想走路。人们总是告诉我，在美国的医生非常好， 他们可以帮助我走路，但是事实并不是真的。 当我5我的时候祖母是很生气我不能走路，她很生气我，因为她不知道，为什么我不能走路。我小的时候， 我可以抱墙上着走路，但后来我不能做任何更多事情。 我奶奶说我故意的不能走路。所以，我的奶奶乘坐热的东西， 并把它放在我的腿上。它烧了我的腿。但是真的我不能走路。 我的奶奶带我去孤儿院，因为她不能照顾我了，因为我太重了。我不能走，我真的很重，因此她不能照顾我让她带我去了孤儿院。 如果我能走路的话我奶奶就会把我留在她的身边。 有一次，在中国的保姆说我可以走，这样他们考我把食物在那里我不能拿到它。保姆说， 如果你能拿到它，你就可以吃，如果你不能拿到它，你就不能吃它， 你就饿了。我尝试了一整天，我无法到拿的食物。我真的饿了。 保姆打我，说，“你不能拿到它，我必须做的一切。你应该走路。 为什么你不能走？“我只是哭，什么都不能说。 在孤儿院我在角落里一整天坐着，因为我不能走。每个人都可以走下楼玩，去上学。他们吃饭楼下。有四个楼层。 我是在三楼。我不能动我的轮椅。我只是看电视，吃饭和午睡。 我什么东西我都不能做。我看他们玩，我看他们玩， 但是如果我问他们跟我一起玩的话，他们说你不能走路， 所以你不能玩。因为它们正在跑步。一点点我可以移动我的轮椅， 但我真的很慢。 在中国，孤儿院里我不能喝水，因为有人说我去便盆很多，他们不想带我去便盆，因为我太重了。有时候， 我整天坐在便盆椅子上，因为他们不想带我去便盆。 有时有时我睡在椅子便盆晚上，因为他们想让我自己爬上床去， 因为我太重了。有时候，我觉得我不可能是那么的重那多好， 然后每个人都可以把我抱起来，他们不会生我的气。 我想通过自己去便盆，但是我不能。 有时保姆不会带我去睡觉，因为他们不喜欢背着我。他们只是让我睡在地板上。他们不给我毯子什么的。晚上，我很冷。 然后大家都睡觉确实不错，但我不睡觉真的不好， 因为它是寒冷和地板真的很难。他们告诉我，我应该爬上去睡觉。 我不能站起来，但他们说我可以走。有时候我觉得没有人关心我。 如果有一天我能走路一切会这么好。我可以走路， 做一切和保姆就不用帮我。 我不会被保姆大声吼我然后保姆就会喜欢我，但我不能做任何事情。 当我来到美国，我得到一个电动轮椅。我觉得我走。我可以去真快。我真的很喜欢那种感觉。我可以出去玩。我可以读书。 我可以到外面去，去真快绕了一圈。我很喜欢 他们说我不能做任何事情，但事实并非如此。我可以做很多事情！我可以做饭。我可以去探险！我可以去动物园。我可以骑在巴士上。我可以喂鸭子。我可以骑旋转木马轮！我可以和我的兄弟姐妹在外面玩。我可以做很多事情。我不走。我可以做很多很多的东西，有很多的乐趣！
