Jessica and William

Date: 2016.02.22 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

Hello! Cassie again (tired of me yet?)

Mom and Dad have Jessica, and she is precious. Her orphanage loved her, they really did. They sent her with money, her stroller, clothes, and a backpack full of toys. They also made Mom and Dad promise to bring Jessica to the orphanage so they could say goodbye. As you can tell by her face, she was hesitant at first…

This is her timid face. Her disposition instantly turns to this sweet face as soon as she is unsure of the situation.

She made daddy work for her attention; she really wasn’t sure what to do with him. Give him an hour, some chips, and a backpack full of pretty things, and his daddy powers won her over. 🙂

Little one is tiny!! Her orphanage called her “little one” instead of her Chinese name. This is her compared to my mom’s standard-sized backpack…

and her little shoe next to a Coke can.

Even Liam got in on the glamour and glitter. A little lip gloss goes a long way…

As you can see, she loved Daddy’s bracelets!!!

Liam and Jessica have bonded quickly. The Kindle has movies on it, and Big Hero 6 seems to be a favorite.

Liam loves to draw; he was super excited to see Maisey drawing on one of our Skype calls.

Daddy made a fort, and they’ve spend all their cuddle times in there.

Sweet babies… We can’t wait for you to get home and see just how loved you are…. 😀     

We’re Almost to JJ!

Date: 2016.02.21 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

Cassie, again. It is Monday morning in China, and my parents will soon be on their way to get Jessica. Their guide has met her, and says she is an absolute doll. She says that she is sweet, kind, and loves to take care of the babies. I think she’ll fit in pretty well. 🙂 

Mr. William is doing splendidly. He loves to play and dance and draw. When we were skyping, he got very excited when he saw that Mei Mei was drawing too! I don’t think he’s going to have any problems fitting in here. 🙂 The kids are all excited, and I constantly hear about all the things that Liam is going to do with them.

Jasmine and Elyse made Jessica a video for Mom and Dad to show her this afternoon. I don’t remember everything they said, but there are about 15 “I/We love you”s and “Mama and Baba will keep you safe and love you” and “we can’t wait for you to get to America!” I thought you would enjoy. 🙂

William!!

Date: 2016.02.18 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

Cassie, here. I didn’t realize that I was supposed to be posting…. oops! So, quick upload with some cute pictures. 😉

William is settling in great. He’s been happy and giggly the whole time. He fully recognizes that Mom and Dad are HIS mama and baba. He loves having a family, and seems to be adjusting very well. He loves Hot Wheels, the Kindle, and Big Hero 6.

Here are a few pictures to hold you over until I get a post from Mom. Make sure you check out the facebook group for all the updates!

ONE MORE DAY!!!!!

Date: 2016.02.13 | Category: Adoption | Response: 0

As we get ready to leave, I am thinking and feeling many things.   I am nervous to meet our new children.  William has known for a little bit that we are coming so hopefully he will be a little prepared.  I am not so sure with Jessica.  I have heard that her orphanage often doesn’t tell them until the day they leave for the Registration Office.  Hopefully, with all the mamas that have been taking her picture for her new parents, she understands what is happening.  Friends of ours e-mailed our family picture to the orphanage so hopefully she knows what we look like too.

I love the new pictures we got of Jessica.

These children are so brave.  They will leave everything they have ever known and trust us to take care of them.   Can you imagine leaving with people who look different than you, who speak a different language, and trying to make sense of it all?  Every time it has been different.  Mostly it has gone well and for that we are thankful.   We have been amazed at how quickly they have come to us and settled in.  There are a whole lot of reasons for this and some of those reasons break my heart but I am happy they feel safe with Dan and I.

It is really hard to show up at that Registration Office and meet your new child, who you have loved for months and months, but they don’t know you and they might not necessarily like you.  That is to be expected.  They don’t know you.   It’s hard to put yourself on the line and put your feelings aside.  It’s hard not to take things personally.  You are tired and nervous and anxious and so many other emotions.  You’ve traveled 15 hours in a cramped plane.  You’ve waited so long and it’s almost here.  You haven’t slept well.  The day when you meet is emotionally draining.  It’s a hard day on everyone’s hearts.  It starts early in the morning as you wait to go.  By the time you get to the office you are a bundle of nerves.  You don’t want to scare them but you want to hold them and let them know how much you love them.  To this day I can not watch videos of those meetings without crying.  It takes me right back to that moment.

I was thinking about all the emotions I have been feeling and thought it would be fun to find out how the kids are feeling.  I asked them one simple question. As mommy and daddy get ready to leave to get Jessica and William, how are you feeling.

CASSIE – I’m just hoping everyone stays in one piece while you are gone.  I can’t wait to see the little guys!

HOPE – Help me!  Hurry home!

JASMINE – I feel so happy that you are going to get my sister and brother but I feel sad because I will miss mommy and daddy.  I’m so excited to finally see them.

GRACIE – Ahhhhhhh…..  I’m so happy that you are going to get my sister and my brother.  I want Jessica and William to be happy and know that their family loves them.

ELYSE – I feel so good that you are getting Jessica and William.  I’m a little bit stressed because I just want mama and daddy to come home.  I hope that William and Jessica like us.  Thank you so much for getting my sister and brother.

BENJAMIN – So excited to get William and Jessica.  I’m really happy because you are going to be home as quick as soon.  Everybody loves William and Jessica.

Max – (thumbs up)

MAISEY –  I’m so excited.  I will miss you.

EVIE – Sad because I will miss mommy and daddy.  I so excited to get them. They are going to play with me!

ELI – I want you to get my buddy William.  I want to play with Jessica even though she not a boy.  I miss you.

I think the consensus is we are supposed to hurry home!   I couldn’t agree more.  I just want to have us all together under one roof.

Remember if you are on Facebook you can follow along on our family page, Seriously Bless by Adoption!

Please pray for their little hearts as they adjust to their new lives.

We will be updating soon.

Shock and Awe

Date: 2016.02.10 | Category: Codey, Family Life | Response: 0

Dan and I have often discussed the differences in having a biological child who has a disability or illness and adopting a child that does.

With Codey and Kyle, I spent most of the first year in shock.  Watching your child take their last breath as you hold them in your arms will do that to you.  And there is nothing like standing there with the ground open and your husband carrying a little white casket to that hole in the ground, to change your life.  It will rip your heart right out of your chest and you will wonder how you will ever make it through another day.

As the days in the hospital turned into weeks, and weeks into months which lead to over a year, dreams slowly faded away.  I went through times of sadness and mourning over all Codey wouldn’t do.  Just when I would think I had a handle on my feelings, another milestone would come up and my heart would break again. At one, he couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, and was still in the hospital.  We celebrated there in his ICU room with a cake and family and a news crew filmed it all.

When he turned five, I mourned the fact that he wouldn’t go to kindergarten.  I mourned that he wouldn’t make friends and go to birthday parties.  I cried tears over the steps he would never take and the games he would never play.

As time went by, I settled into a routine.  Life seemed normal and then another milestone would remind me that life was anything but normal.  When he turned fourteen, it was not being able to get a permit.  Sixteen was the driver’s license and dating.  Eighteen was graduation.  Then there was not going to college, not getting married, not having children of his own.

Codey would always be a little boy in a man’s body.  The pain wasn’t over what his life was.  Codey is, for the most part, a very happy boy.  He has a family that loves him.  He has his room and his toys that he loves.  He enjoys football and basketball games.  He has changed everything about who I am and how I see the world.

My pain was not over what Codey couldn’t do, I knew before he turned five that he would never do these things.  My pain was mostly because I still had these dreams in my head of what it was supposed to be like.  I was supposed to have two little, blonde haired boys.  They were supposed to be best friends.  They were supposed to play football and baseball and cause messes.   They were supposed to run together in the backyard and bring in critters that would make me scream.  They were supposed to grow up and have families of their own.

Sometime during that first year or so, I received a poem about Holland written by Emily Perl Kingsley.  I remember the first time I read that poem and I thought, “Well, isn’t that nice.  I’m just supposed to be happy about Holland.  Well, I’ll get right on that.”   (Insert sarcasm here!)  It wasn’t that easy.   I had dreams and hopes and plans and none of them included a trip to Holland, but as time went on I realized they were right.  I had to quit mourning Italy and keep my eyes on the beauty of Holland.  The shock of not being in Italy slowly wore off and the awe over the beauty of Holland slowly emerged.

So what had changed? Codey didn’t change.  Our circumstances hadn’t changed.  We were still broke and Codey was still not going to do what I had dreamed he would.  So what was it?  It was me.  It was my heart.  I was no longer bitter and angry over what I felt had been taken from me; instead, I decided to be thankful for all that had been given to me.  The glass is the same whether I see it as half empty or half full.  The glass never changed, but I had.

Which brings us to adopting special needs children.  When you know what the cognitive, physical disability, or illness is and you choose it, you know right away that this is the way it is going to be.  You buy books to educate yourself.  You find a support network.  You don’t have to go through that mourning period where nothing is what you had dreamed.  You actually purchased the ticket to go directly to Holland.  You weren’t expecting a different destination.  You are right where you were chose to be.  You can get off that plane and actually be excited to have your feet land on the ground in Holland.

I can say that I have learned to love the slower paced life of Holland.  I have learned to appreciate and stand in awe of all that our children do.  All those normal daily things that are so easy to just take for granted.   I found myself actually celebrating the little things like holding a spoon in your hand for the first time, the ability to run and play, the first word spoken even if it is at three years of age.  Being able to put a shirt on by themselves.  Being able to write their name.  Living past their first, second, and third birthday.  .

These are things to be celebrated.  I learned that just because these are things we take for granted, they are NOT little things. A child’s smile, a child’s hug, a first step, these aren’t things to be overlooked or expected, these are things to be celebrated!  A child’s worth isn’t based on what they can accomplish.

If we instead measure a life by lives and hearts changed, then our children’s worth is immeasurable.  Dan and my heart have been forever changed.  Our eyes have been opened to what matters.  Time has slowed down.  I don’t rush to and through things.  I try to walk and enjoy the journey.  I’m not worried about trivial things.  I appreciate the little things, the joys we miss while we are busy waiting for that thing that will make us happy – school done, the perfect vacation, getting married, finding the right career, retirement.  I have learned to not wish my life away waiting for something to make me happy.  You learn pretty quickly not to wish days away when you aren’t sure there will be another one.

The truth is there are many other things that Codey will never do.  He won’t lie.  He won’t cheat.  He won’t judge you for the things you say or do.  He won’t make you feel less than.  How many of us can say that?  How many of us can say our words have never hurt another person?

You can say I have on rose colored glasses or a PollyAnna attitude, I won’t take offense because, the truth is, I do.  I choose to be happy.  I choose to enjoy my children’s lives.  I choose to wake up thankful that I get to do it all again – the monotony, the diaper changes, the g-tube feedings, the teaching the same thing over and over again, all of it.  Every day is a choice.  For the longest time, I refused to be happy in this place I found myself and now I thank God daily that this is where my life took me.

Every day I wake up to the most beautiful, joy-filled faces and I know, beyond any doubt, that I am blessed.  I am in awe of this life I get to live.  I am in awe of these little souls that I have been entrusted with.

A life of worth isn’t measured in the money made, the titles held, or what you take; a life of worth is measured in the lives you touch, the love you give, and the difference you make.

National Heart Month

Date: 2016.02.07 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

Today is our day to share on the 28 Days of Hearts blog.  We’ve shared for a couple of years now.  I love reading through the stories of faith, love, and adoption.  Day 6 is the story of Rachel, who waited 3 years for a heart.  Rachel got her heart and is living life to the fullest.  Jamie does a great job every year putting these together.  I promise these stories will move you.

28 DAYS OF HEARTS

Why Our Large Family is NOT Our Own Little Orphanage

Date: 2016.01.30 | Category: Adoption, Family Life | Response: 0

I have heard the comment “Wow! You are starting your own little orphanage/group home” more times than I care to count.  I’m still surprised people can think this, let alone even say it out loud.  Maybe they are just trying to be funny. Maybe they are just saying the first words that pop into their heads.  I’m not sure, but what I do know is that we aren’t the only family hearing these words.  Many other mamas have stated the same thing.  I have to chalk it up to someone not having a clue what life in an institution is truly like because if they had ever stepped a foot into an orphanage then they couldn’t say those words and be serious.

I have had people tell me that they can’t even handle their two children so how can we possibly do this?  I have heard that there is no way I can have enough time for all of my children. I have heard there is no way I can give them the care they each need.  It’s not like I close my ears to the negative or that I haven’t asked myself the same questions.  I’m not delusional nor do I believe that I am superwoman.   I do, however, know where my strength comes from and I truly believe most people could do more.  I choose to try to be selfless not because I’m a martyr but because I truly LOVE my life.  I am blessed!!! Those aren’t just words I utter because I want to somehow sound good to others.

Can life be hard? Absolutely!  Can it seem overwhelming? Yep!  Is it hard on your heart somedays?  Yes!  Trauma is not a pretty thing.  What it does to little hearts is hard to take somedays.  Adoption isn’t a walk in the park.  If you think it’s gonna be a breeze and you will have no issues because your little one was adopted early, then you will have a rude awakening.

Institutional life is hard on a child.  They are limited in food.  The fact that they live in a facility means that their lives started by loss.  They aren’t taught the basic life lessons we teach our child.  They are left to raise themselves.  They get very little one on one time and they have no sense of family or belonging and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

As we prepare to leave to adopt Jessica and William in 15 days, the middles won’t let the topic of adopting again drop.  I laugh and tell them that we haven’t even adopted these two yet.

We don’t have a clue what it is going to be like when we get home.  We don’t know just how sick Jessica is.  It’s scary waiting, knowing that something as simple as a UTI could lead to sepsis and death for her.

But the girls talk about all the children who wait.  The girls pray for the children ready to age out and cry tears knowing what this means for this child. It’s one thing to be an able bodied child left to fend for yourself, if you have a disability, your future is so uncertain. I could not let them see the advocacy sites and not let them know of the children who need prayer BUT I won’t.  Too many people pretend it isn’t happening.  Too many people go about their days without giving the orphan crisis a thought. Too many people say it’s just too hard on their hearts. I won’t be the one to tell my girls that this burden they feel isn’t worth their time.

These girls dream of a day when Jasmine’s Dream comes true – “A family for every child.”

I will continue to pray with the girls and have big, ugly cryfests with them.  I will continue to post and share posts of others.  We will donate when we can.  We will encourage those who are adopting.  We will be the hands and feet of Christ in as many ways as we can because we know just how important it is.  We will help families stay together when possible and we will advocate for those who long for a forever family.

Elyse dreams of building a castle where we have a 100 bedrooms.  She talks of all the children feeling loved and cared for. When I say, “Adopting 100 children would mean less time for each child.”  She reminds me that having a family is a beautiful thing and knowing you belong and have some where to call home is priceless.  She then says, “How about 20 then?”  Although she tells me that I could love 100 children or more and this fact is true, there is no limit on how many children your heart can love.

She drew me this picture at her last doctor’s appointment.

I would think that if our children felt that our family was too big, they wouldn’t talk so much of adopting again.  They love their siblings and they know how important family is.  They eagerly wait for the day William and Jessica will be home.  They talk about all the things they will do with them, where they will sleep, how they can figure out what their favorite foods are.

After talking with Elyse and Jasmine on numerous occasions, we decided to make a list of how family is not like an orphanage.   Here are a few of the reasons we came up with that our large family is NOT like our own little orphanage.

1.  Our children will never go to bed without being tucked in and told how much they are loved.

2. Our children will never spend a day hungry.

3. Our children will spend their days getting hugged, kissed, and told over and over again how much we love them.

4. Our children’s last name will not mean orphan or tell which orphanage they are from.

5.  Our children will always have a place to call home and family to come home to.

6.  Our children will get the medical and dental care that they so desperately need.

7.  Our children will not be defined by their disabilities, feel less than, nor will they be made fun of for having a disability.

8.  Our children will be helped to be the best them they can be.  We will support them and encourage them in every way possible.

9.  Our children will be allowed the privilege of going to school.

10.  Our children will never hear the words worthless or unadoptable again.

11.  Our children will have someone to run to for comfort when they are feeling physical or emotional pain.

12. Our children will know that they are loved, cherished, wanted, and part of our family FOREVER!

Family is a beautiful thing.  May we never take that for granted.  May we continue to remember and pray for those who want nothing more than a family to call their own.

Jasmine’s Blog – Pray for Victoria and Cassie

Date: 2016.01.19 | Category: Jasmine's Blog | Response: 0

VICTORIA

One time mama show me Victoria’s picture.  I see her back that looks really bad.  No one has wanted to adopt her.  Her back looks worse than mine did.  I hope somebody can adopt her so that she can get her back fixed too.  It will make her feel so much better.

I wonder if she can’t breathe good like I could not.  I wonder how much better she would feel.  She needs a family or she might die early too.

She just turned 13 in December.  She has one year left.  I don’t want her to turn 14 and go to a place filled with old people.  It is very hard in China.  You can not take your wheelchair anywhere.  No ramps like here in America.

I hope someone sees her pretty face and wants to adopt her.  I hope nobody is too afraid.  I pray about her every day.  I pray that somebody will want to adopt her.

When I was in China, I almost turn 14 and I think I will not have a family.  The nannies tell me when I turn 14 I will go some place with old people.  They tell me I won’t have a wheelchair.  They say those people will just put me on the floor and they won’t feed me.  Turning 14 when you are in a wheelchair is very scary.  The nannies tell me I would slowly die.  They tell me the people will hope I die so they don’t have to take care of me.

I don’t want this to happen to Victoria.  Please somebody be her mama.

CASSIE

One night mama tell me about a family that wants to adopt a girl named Cassie, but her agency would not let the family adopt her.  Cassie will turn 14 in July.  I feel sorry for the family and the sister who wants Cassie to be her sister.

It is really sad that an agency won’t let her have a family.  This agency must not care because they would rather she age out then give her a good family.   I hope somebody sees her and can add her to their paperwork.  Someone could still do it but she is running out of time.

I ask mama to go back and get her but mama doesn’t think it will work.  I wish it would.  So I really want her to get adopted. I want someone to help her with her feet.  I don’t want any more kids to go to a bad place.  I pray and pray and pray.

Wouldn’t Cassie make a great sister?   Are you her mama?

The other night I have a dream.  I wake up so happy.  I dream Grace, Elyse, Jessica and me go to China.  We are so excited because there are no more orphans.  We went to visit the last orphans who were getting a family.  We told them it was good.  We told them they would have food and be very happy and be loved.  It is a good.

My dream is for a family for every child.  I hope one day that my dream comes true.   Please pray for Cassie and Victoria so they can know how good it is to be loved by a family.

Elyse asks, “Do You Know the Love of Jesus Christ?”

Date: 2016.01.03 | Category: Adoption, Faith | Response: 0

Up again with Lainey at 4 a.m.  My clock has been reset from daylight savings time, but Lainey’s has definitely not.  I have been looking through my drafts on my blog – 15 half written posts, including our homecoming post from our last adoption, which just happens to have been one year ago.  15! So why am I taking the time to start another one?  Because I believe Elyse’s question deserves a blog all it’s own.

Yesterday my brother brought my grandma down to visit.  Elyse has seen my grandma one other time in the year she has been home.  While Elyse was talking to my grandma and Tracy, she asked them, “Do you know the love of Jesus Christ?”.  They stared at her and I clarified that she did indeed ask them what they thought she said.   They answered in the affirmative and Elyse was so very happy.

It wasn’t that long ago that Elyse asked another adoptive mom if she knew the love of Jesus Christ and if she loved children. On our way home, Elyse informed me that I could indeed be friends with this mama since she loved children and Jesus.

I’m never quite sure what to say to Elyse when she does this.  She does this fairly often with strangers. I always get uncomfortable and flustered.  I was raised in a quiet church.  No one prayed out loud.  No one asked others about their beliefs.  We sent missionaries out into the world but nothing was said close to home.   We didn’t ask our family about it.  You were quiet and private about your life with God and your prayers.  It’s just the way it was.

Many may have already heard this story but I will do a shortened version again for those of you who may not have heard.  One day I was sitting on a bench at the Iowa State Fair and a stranger started talking to me.  I can’t remember what we were waiting on but I had been there a while and we discussed many things.  She asked me about my family.  I said I have 5 children and mentioned their names, including Hope’s.  She proceeded to tell me that she loved the name Hope and told me about a little girl that her church had been praying for and the miraculous story about her life.  This random stranger told me all about MY Hope.

It was then that I realized God’s story was being told whether I was saying anything or not.  I never talked about Hope’s life because I didn’t want people to think that I was tooting my own horn.  We were blessed by having her in our life.  We weren’t saviors.  We were just two people who had decided to be obedient to God’s call and were blessed to be a part of her story.

I did realize in that moment though that even though I was refusing to tell of God’s miracle, His story about Hope was still being told.   It just wasn’t me doing the telling and I was the one who had seen it first hand.   How could I not share this miracle that we were allowed to be a part of?   So many things had to line up for her to be in the NICU at the same time that Dan was, I still stand in awe of what occurred and it’s been 16 years.

The above story was what lead Dan and I to decide to share our adoption story.  We prayed about it for quite a while. We knew it would be hard for us to talk publicly about it, but that adoption stories needed to be told.  People need to see that yes it is hard but it is such a blessing too.  Dan is a pretty private guy so this decision truly was a hard one.  I’m a talker but I talk about fluff.  I am not able to stand in a group and gush about God’s glorious provisions. We knew what being public meant, that it was opening ourselves up to criticism and scrutiny, but we felt it was worth it if we could make adoption not seem so scary and help another child get adopted.

Dan and I knew we were being blessed by being obedient.  We had no clue all of the wonderful miracles that would happen along the way.   The past 4 years have blown me away.  God has shown up time and time again.  I am so totally undeserving and yet have been blessed just by uttering a “yes”.

So this begs the question, “Why wouldn’t I want to ask everyone I know if they too know the love of Jesus Christ?”   When God has done so much in my life, why would I not want to share?  God is such an important part of my everyday life why do I still get so flustered?  I don’t know.  I guess I will blame it on all those years of being trained to be quiet as a child.

I love that Elyse is not afraid to ask.  I love that she wants you to feel the same joy she has.  Elyse is so sure of God’s love.  She is a very smart little girl and has embraced God having a plan for her life.  She understands that God didn’t intend for her to lose her first family or for the bad things that happened.  She understands man has free will and can choose what he does.  She does see the good in Dan and I being obedient and saying “yes” when we saw her picture.    She prays for all the other children who wait.  Elyse firmly believes those children wait just because someone else hasn’t uttered their “yes”.    I am so very happy that we said “Yes” when we saw this picture.

So if you one day meet Elyse don’t be surprised if you hear these words, “Do you know the love of Jesus Christ?”  I will be standing there with a smile on my face wishing I could have the same child-like love for a God that deserves me standing on the corner shouting for all the world to hear….

“Do you know the love of Jesus Christ?”

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

Jasmine’s Blog – Why Mommy and Daddy Want to Adopt Me?

Date: 2015.12.23 | Category: Jasmine's Blog | Response: 0

In China people say I can not get adopted because I can not walk. But one day they told me that a family did want to adopt me. Mommy and daddy thought I had spina bifida, but the paperwork was wrong. I have something else.

When mommy and daddy see me on adoption day they thought I had muscular dystrophy. After mommy and daddy meet me I was really worried that they would take me back to the orphanage. The nannies told that when my mommy and daddy saw me they would take me back because I can not walk. In China you have 24 hours to decide if you want to keep the kids or not.

But mommy and daddy didn’t take me back to leave me there. They took me back to the orphanage to hand out clothes that mommy and daddy had brought for the kids. The kids were so happy when I handed out the clothes. It was so much fun!

I come America and I have back surgery for my scoliosis. After they did a muscle biopsy, the doctors know I have spinal muscular atrophy (SMA).

When I was in China, I thought no one could love me because I couldn’t walk or do anything. But after that I tell mama and she said, “She doesn’t love me because I can do anything.” Mama said that she fell in love with me the first time she saw my face. Daddy said the same thing.

Before they saw my face, mommy and daddy had said they would not adopt older kids. They said they wouldn’t adopt anyone over 4 because it wouldn’t work in the family. But mommy and daddy saw my face and fell in love and thought God was saying “that is your daughter”.

Because mommy and daddy love me they adopt me, not because I can walk. They adopt me because they love me. Mommy and daddy went very far to come adopt me.

In China, mommy and daddy take me shopping and out to eat. I didn’t talk to daddy very much because I was a little afraid. The boys I knew in China were mean. They not nice to talk to. I talk to mommy because she is so funny. I didn’t understand what Cassie and mommy were saying but they were so funny. They make me laugh because they singing songs like potty time.

One time in China mommy and daddy dance. They so cute. I knew daddy was silly and he is ok because he dance with mama.

I didn’t know very much English so I couldn’t understand. I learned to say and sign “eat, potty, drink, and thank you”.

This year has been hard for me because I think mommy and daddy will leave me too. I think it would be better if everyone else hate me so my heart won’t hurt again. I try to make everyone mad. Mommy and daddy said they know I do this because I am afraid they are going to leave me so I want to leave first.

But now I know mommy and daddy won’t leave me because I said bad things and made everyone mad but they still love me and forgive me.

I believe I have a purpose and God has a plan for me. I don’t know what all I will do yet, but I know He has plan.

Sometimes it is hard for me and I get jealous that my sister can walk and do things like have a boyfriend and go shopping and out to movies. But sometimes I think she has her own life and I have my own life too. Jealousy is not good though. It just makes you really, really mad. Mama say it is ok to get mad but you can’t be mean to anyone else.

Sometimes when I hear people say something, I think people mean one thing and they didn’t really say that. I let me get really mad and I shouldn’t do that. I should ask people what they said and be sure. God doesn’t want me to get really mad and be mean. He wants me to trust.

Sometimes if you are sad you should talk about it because that way you won’t be mad all day long. Talking to mommy and daddy helps. You can play games with your sisters or do something else to take your mind off of it. They understand.

Everybody has problems they go through and lots of people have it worse than me. I have to see the good stuff in my life.

The last couple months I have been really mad and thinking I shouldn’t write my blog any more. I think I don’t have anything to say. I just being mean to everyone. I am mad and sad.

Mama says I can do whatever I want to do. I decided I want to write my blog so other people understand what it is like to be older when adopted and what it is like to not be able to move. I realized that there are lots of people who are worse off then me. They don’t have food, or a house, or a family that loves them.

I have a power wheelchair. If my stuff breaks, mommy and daddy will fix it. Mommy and daddy came to adopt me and gave me lots of brothers and sisters. I have a silly mommy and daddy. I have lots of brothers and sisters who help me do stuff. They all take care of me because they love me.

I know why mommy and daddy adopt me…because they LOVE me!