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So Many Thoughts
I’m going to give writing a blog post on my phone a try. At the rate this is going with all my typing errors, you can look for this post sometime mid-June.
This adoption trip has been interesting and one might say almost fun. It’s been the most vacation-like of any of our our trips. The first trip in 2012, was so nerve wracking, mainly because we had no clue what we were doing. Plus, Dan got food poisoning on that trip so we didn’t do a lot of sightseeing. We just hunkered down in the hotel room.
The second trip, when we adopted four at once and three were much sicker than we thought, was a strap yourself in for the ride and hope you get home safe, kind of a trip. Plus, whenever we went out people were beyond unkind to Jasmine. They yelled things at her, they spit at her, and everytime we went out we had to form a circle of protection around her to keep people away. Even going to the buffet was a nightmare. We had very nice servers who would save her a spot behind a wall so that no one could see or her yell things at her while she ate. Her province was the worst for this type of behavior. It got a little better once we got to the China Hotel in Guangzhou where there were lots of adoptive families but it still wasn’t good when we ventured outside the hotel.
Elyse and Max’s trip was fairly simple except that Max had no idea how to NOT get into everything and Elyse spent most of the first part of her trip trying to figure out how to call her foster grandma. In a room with many breakables and buttons to push, Max didn’t make it very relaxing. It’s hard to toddler proof a room when your toddler is 6. Plus, Dan wasn’t able to travel with me that trip.
This trip, Mr. Charming readily accepted us as his parents after his foster mama told him goodbye and to go and be happy. He ran to us saying mama and baba and has had very few tears during this trip. He adores his baba and has said the word “baba” (daddy) at least a 1,000 times. He’s only cried when we went back to offices to do paperwork. We were told by his teacher that he is fearful of being taken back because his friend was disrupted and he also cried when I held a baby at one of LWB’s healing homes.
Dan and I are on LWB’s board of directors and we were so happy to see the healing homes in action. I had my heart stolen by quite a few of those sweet babies and especially sweet little Christine! I was so happy to hear that she has a family in progress. I can’t say enough good things about the nannies in these homes.
All in all William has done extremely well. He smiles most of the time. He says “thank you and hello and good morning” to almost everyone he meets. He says it in both English and Chinese. He is sweet and sensitive and a great little boy. The fact that he has waited almost 6 years to be adopted blows my mind. He is so smart and cute and so able to do anything he puts his mind to. He already knows all his siblings names (no small feat), has learned many English words and corrected my Chinese, and says he wants to be a doctor. I can’t help but have my heart hurt for his bio parents who let him go, probably to get him the medical care he needed. It seems so unfair that I get to have this treasure as a son and they can not.
Jessica has been a bit of a different story. Our little girl has obviously been hurt. She does not like adults and especially men. She had spent time in the hospital alone. She’s been through surgery alone. She’s been isolated away from the other kids in the orphanage. She came to me and let me hold her but it was more like she had no choice than she wanted to. It’s going to take a lot of time to heal her heart and calm her fears.
That being said, by the time we went to the orphanage for a visit four days after we had met her she wouldn’t go to anyone there. She was upset when I had to hand her off to have her foley cath changed. She came back to me and there was a disagreement between the orphanage staff and Dan. They had the right size foley but the wrong size connecting tubing. They wanted us to hand her to the physician who wanted to take her to the hospital to get the right tubing. He said he would be back in an hour. Dan, who is a physician, said it made no sense because it didn’t matter that the tubing was a smidge bigger and he wouldn’t allow it. They disagreed and were completely disgusted with us for refusing. Dan was not about to allow anyone to take our girl again. I do not believe we will be welcomed back there any time soon.
By the time we went to meet the director before leaving the building, she was so quiet. They asked her to lunch about 10 times. They tried hard to talk her into it but she kept refusing. We left the decision up to her and by the time she got to the van she was worn out emotionally. She laid her little head on my chest and fell asleep. It was a turning point and a step in the right direction because she knew she has a voice with us and we would protect her.
We’ve slowly made progress with her. She will say “xie xie mama” (thank you mama) to me when I hand her items and when I say “wo ai ni” (I love you) she shakes her head yes now. When I pick her up first thing in the morning she forgets to be afraid and lays her little head on my shoulder and hugs me. Then it’s almost like she remembers she is suppose to be afraid and lifts up her little head. But it’s those moments when I know there is hope.
She’s amazing with Liam (William) though. She is the big sister even though he outweighs her by a good 15 pounds. She talks to him non-stop. They laugh and giggle and play all day long. They are already true siblings and we’ve caught them doing the “don’t copy me” game which seems to be universal. It was pretty funny. He kisses her and she pats his hands. She encourages him and tells him to finish his dinner and to throw away his papers. Liam has been good for her. God knew what He was doing. This trip would have been much harder for Little Miss had she been adopted alone.
Seeing her with Liam (William) lets me know that she will be fine with the kiddos. She likes kids. She loves to mother Liam. She will be loved and will fit in just fine. I have no concerns about that.
We head home Friday and I can’t wait. I miss my babies so much. I am so thankful for technology. Skype, Whatsap, and FaceTime have saved the day!
I will warn anyone and everyone to be prepared to have your socks charmed off by the little guy. He’s so easy to love, everyone comments on it. They also can’t believe we’ve only had him with us for 2 weeks.
My other warning is for adults with regard to Jessica. Please give JJ her space. Don’t try to pick her up, even though she’s little and cute. Don’t get upset when she won’t talk to you or look you in the eye. It’s not personal. Right now she needs time to know that adults are ok. She needs to feel safe and protected and we are going to insure that she has that.
I’m happy we were called to adopt again. These two precious souls are amazing and I am feeling overwhelmed by this gift that I don’t deserve. Blessings beyond measure for being obedient to the call. The sheer thought of this brings me to my knees.
