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Happy Father’s Day
Someday I am going to get my husband to write a blog post about what it feels like to be the father of 14 children, but for now I will just write a post about my husband from my point of view. I write about the children and our adoption journey a lot. I don’t often write about Dan, mainly because he is a pretty private guy. He prayed long and hard about our blog when we decided to write about our adoption journey. He felt that the benefit of others seeing adoption first hand trumped his need to be private.
Dan and I started dating when he was 15 and I was 16. We had the usual high school romance with on again, off again issues. We got back together shortly after high school and were married when he was 19 and I just turned 20.
He decided to become a physician after the twins were born. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of babies. He wanted to change their outcomes. He didn’t want other families to go through the pain that we had gone through with the death of Kyle and the extended hospitalization of Codey.
He fulfilled that dream after 15 long years of training and has now had the perfect job for over 14 years. He is still able to do his clinical work and he also has the honor of being Clinical/Quality improvement director for a large company. This job allows him to teach others about how important it is to not only take care of the patient but to truly care about the patient.
During his fellowship, he fell in love with a little girl in his care. She had a major heart defect and her pre-adoptive parents had backed out. Her biological mom had decided not to treat and Dan was left with the task of stopping her treatment. He couldn’t do it. That is the kind of man he is. I love that about him. I will forever remember his call and how my heart felt when he said he had bought this baby some booties and stuffed animals because her little bed looked so bare. Little did we know where this journey would lead.
Sixteen years later and she is a thriving healthy teenager.
A few years later, we added Gracie. Our family was complete or so we thought.
One of my favorite family pictures!
People often talk about reluctant husbands in the adoption world. In our family, I was the reluctant one. I was the one dragging my feet because I was unsure about adopting at the age of 45. Dan felt like we needed to do something about the orphan crisis. He never pressured. He just prayed. He knew if it was truly what God wanted I would agree to it.
When we set off on this journey, we thought we would adopt two. We never intended to adopt eight in three years. We were just following God’s lead. We’ve learned in our marriage that God’s plan is always best. Even when you are fearful. Even when that first step is so scary. Even when you can’t possibly see how it could work. It is always best to follow God’s lead.
Our children have instantly known that they were safe. It’s my favorite thing about the day when we first met them. Every one of our children has gone to him. Ben grabbed on and never let go. Ben’s first word was daddy.
Ben and daddy
Dan gets down to their level and they know it’s going to be ok.
Our children have a safe shoulder to lie on…
Someone who will be there with them no matter what…
Someone to be silly with…
Strong arms to keep them safe…
A lap that will hold one or two…
or more…
Someone to celebrate the big moments…
and little moments with…
A hand to hold…
Someone to help you when you can’t quite reach…
We’ve been through a lot together. Dan is not just my husband. He is my best friend. Many would consider the life we have lived as hard or unlucky but we both know we are blessed. Blessed to have met so young. Blessed to have so many little blessings that we get to wake up to each day. Blessed to have a child who waits for us on the other side. Blessed to have the hope of forever. Blessed to have had 30 years.
It is Dan who has taught me the life lessons that have helped me most.
When I was young and hurting and afraid to trust. It was Dan who reminded me that I have the choice to wake up every morning expecting bad things to happen or to trust in his love. Those words allowed me to trust God and God’s love for me. It was Dan who showed me what a true relationship with Christ is. It was Dan who taught me that life is all about perspective. I can decide to be grateful or I can be bitter and angry and never appreciate anything.
We chose to date when we were young. We chose to stay together when things were tough. The death of a child is hard on many marriages.
We sealed the deal in China when we put our names on our lock on the great wall. (The idea is that you have to break the lock to end your relationship and China is a long ways away.)
Every day I get to see Dan in action. He loves his children. He would do anything for his children. He keeps them safe and provides for them. He isn’t perfect, none of us are, but his heart is always in the right place.
I am blessed to have walked this journey with this man. Our family has changed a lot in the last three years. Not many men would sign up for this, but I am blessed that Dan knows what is truly important. He knows that life isn’t about the things you can acquire. It’s about figuring out the plan God has for you and using your gifts to the best of your abilities. Time and time again Dan has followed God’s lead where others would never go. He has said “why not?” even when he had hundreds of reasons to say no and my life has been forever blessed by those words.
Happy Father’s Day Dan! We all love you so much!
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Jasmine’s Dream (Part 1)
As you know, Jasmine and I have been talking a lot these past few weeks. It has been hard for her to give up hope that she would one day walk. Slowly losing the use of your body is a lot for a 16 year old to accept. Dan and I have decided that she needs something bigger than herself to dream about. She needs hope to be able to help. She needs to know that she can still achieve much and help many children. Her hope is that one day there will be no more orphans. She wants to keep families intact and help those children, that are hard to place, get adopted. We are working on “Jasmine’s Dream” and soon we will tell you all about her goal.
Jasmine has been praying for four children specifically. She has actually been praying that there is still room in our home for more, but right now that doesn’t seem to be where God is leading. Although, I have learned long ago to not say no to God so you will never hear me say, “We are done for sure!” One never knows where God will lead.
Our family has been praying for Superman, Baby Hope, Summer and the little girl that Jasmine was in the orphanage with. There are children that you see on the advocacy sites, that steal your heart for whatever reason. For example, when we were adding a second child to our adoption, there was one little girl that I just couldn’t get off my mind. I kept praying for a clear answer and the answer was never yes.
I kept thinking how can it ever be wrong to adopt a child? I kept asking God to make things clear. The “let’s fix this now” part of me wanted to go get her now, but I knew in my heart she wasn’t meant to be my daughter. She has now been chosen. I have seen pictures of her new family. I have read the words leading up to their decision to submit their Letter of Intent. (Ridiculous Faith) I love how God works and yet I have shed tears over a little girl that was not meant to be ours.
I mean really who wouldn’t want to call this child daughter? Who wouldn’t want to stand there and have this little face look up to yours expectantly? Who wouldn’t want to shower her with unconditional love and help her to be the very best she could be?
Many have looked at her file and walked away. Her physical beauty and big personality could not put them at ease. There were just too many unknowns in her file. That’s the problem with adoption. There are so many unknowns. We can’t imagine being able to handle the physical or mental disabilities. We look for the easiest problems, the fixable things. We look for things we are comfortable with or already know. I have talked many times about the fact that I’m not sure what I would have said if I had known Lainey or Jasmine’s true diagnosis before we got to China. I’m not sure I would have taken the chance. I mean who would sign up for their child slowly fading away with a degenerative muscle disease or pick a child who cried all day and beat her head on the wall especially when their lives were already so complicated?
I can guarantee you that Kyle dying or Codey being in the hospital for 14 months was not what I wanted. If I had been asked beforehand, I would have adamantly denied that I could handle it and walked away. BUT Codey and Kyle changed my entire life…they changed my walk with God. My relationship grew. My life was fuller. My viewpoint clearer. My priorities changed forever. Those two things made me who I am today. Who would I be if I hadn’t walked that journey?
The point when God asks us to follow His lead, isn’t that we can handle it. It’s just the opposite. It’s to show how much we need Him. God’s glory is shown in our weaknesses. It’s only when we say over and over again “Only with God” that people take notice.
Each time God asked us to step out in faith and we saw how being obedient to His call blessed us and grew our relationship, it made following through the next time we heard the call just a little bit easier, until we got to the point that we didn’t question it when He called. We were that sure that God’s way (the unknown – the difficult – the faith growing) was so much better than our way (the comfortable), that we said, “Okay God. I have no idea how this is going to work, but let your glory shine! We trust you!”.
Jasmine knows what it means to be overlooked. Jasmine knows what it means to almost have time run out. Jasmine knows what it means to sit in an orphanage day after day after day. Jasmine knows the scars that slowly build up on your heart over time and the overwhelming fear that can cloud your mind and because of these things Jasmine dreams of doing more.
She has asked over and over again what we can do. She prays for these children and the others left behind. Recently Gracie and Jasmine asked me about sending their allowance to two of these children who have funds set up. Their families have stepped up, even though their child’s future is uncertain. Two of them have traveled and one will travel soon. Jasmine and Grace chose to give their allowances to these children. They talked about how there was nothing that they needed and what better use would there be for their money? Won’t you consider helping them? Superman’s family will travel soon and the families are already in country with Baby Hope and Summer right now.
This is what we are called to do as Christians.
We are called to care for the widow and the orphan.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27
We are called to give away our possessions:
Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. Luke 12:33
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 1 John 3:17
We are called to bear each other’s burdens.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
We are called to help each other and not just encourage with words.
What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:14-17
What are you living for? Life on earth is but a small portion of eternity.
How are you going to finish?
Make your life matter. Leave a legacy. Don’t wait for tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. Dream big and let God provide!
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” Acts 20:35
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I Do
On this date, thirty years ago, I stood in the candlelight at dusk and said “I do” to my best friend.
I often wonder what I would have said if the minister would have proceeded to list what we would go through in our first thirty years.
Do you, Lisa, take Dan to be your wedded husband?
To have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
through adding eight children in three years after your 46th birthday,
to constantly being busy and pulled in all directions at all times,
through stacks and stacks and stacks of paperwork,
through three trips to China,
through Dan’s 17 years of training to become a physician,
and having to move away from friends and family for years,
for richer, for poorer,
$125,000 in student loans,
through the years of not having enough money to pay the bills,
to giving up retirement until well past 70,
to giving up vacations and fancy cars, and using bonuses to pay for adoptions,
in sickness or in health,
having twins 3 months early,
through the death of a child,
through Codey’s spending the first 14 months of his life in the hospital,
through caring for a child who came home with a tracheotomy, g-tube, and on a ventilator,
through the many years spent in the hospital caring for your children,
through late nights of no sleep,
to caring for sick children forever,
to the possibility of losing five children way before it should be their time to go,
to helping little souls heal after they have had to go through more than any child should,
through too many surgeries to count,
through losing your mom, aunt Kay, Dan’s dad, Dan’s grandpa, your grandpa, Dan’s grandma, and your step-dad all in a six year span.
to never having an empty nest,
to love and to cherish ’till death do you part?
I often wonder what my twenty-year-old self would say. The twenty-year-old me set out to marry an art teacher, to live in her small town, and raise a couple of children. Obviously, we don’t want the hard in our lives. We want the comfortable, the controlled, the fun, the happy, and none of the above says fun or happy to a 20 year old. We learn that it is all about the American dream from a very early age. Work hard, make a lot of money, and live the most comfortable life that you can.
But the fifty-year-old me knows better. The fifty-year-old me knows just how blessed I am. The fifty-year-old me would run down the aisle for a chance to spend another thirty years beside her very best friend, the man who holds me up when I think I can’t go on, the man who knows God is in control and trusts God’s plan, the man who tells me every day how blessed he is to have all of us in his life.
Because the fifty-year-old me knows something the twenty and thirty-year-old me didn’t. The fifty-year-old me learned I shouldn’t live with my eyes on the world, but that my eyes should be firmly planted on eternity. I learned that I should have been listening harder to God’s call. I learned that this life isn’t all about ME. The fifty-year-old me knows what it feels like to have a front row seat to God’s miracles. The fifty-year-old me knows that those hard times have given me the gift of a closer relationship with Christ.
It has given me great joy as I’ve watched Jesus in my children’s hearts as they opened their hearts to adopt others. They didn’t fret that their new brothers and sisters might not be on this earth long, they trusted in the fact that God promises forever. They trusted in God’s plan. My children learned the precious gift, that this life isn’t about them, way before I did. They know how to give of themselves. They know that sharing their room, or their toys, or their parents time and love isn’t a bad thing. They understand being adopted into God’s family better than most people ever will. They have a firm understanding of God’s grace in ways I never did as a child.
Watching God work in our family has been an amazing gift that goes so far beyond the pain of the hard. When you are so far past what you could even consider doing on your own, you know it’s all from God. The gift of a closer walk with God is priceless.
Yep, the fifty-year-old me would happily take this journey again because it has been one amazing, wonderful, unbelievable, seriously blessed ride!
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Happy Birthday Zachary!
This is going to be a strange way to start a Happy Birthday blog, but it will explain the kind of boy my little Zach was and is so please bear with me.
Many people have questioned how we have been able to adopt six children in two years. They wondered how in the world we brought home four at one time. Zachary is part of the reason why. I wouldn’t recommend bringing that many children home at one time unless you have very special circumstances such as ours. Two adult children living at home and a husband who works from home most of the week means extra hands to help. It also means that we have had many adults around to lavish love upon the kiddos.
Zach and Cassie both lived at home in an apartment on our acreage. They both chose to live close to home so they could love their siblings and get to know them better. At a time when most children are ready to leave the nest, both of our adult children have chosen to stay close. They have driven 45 minutes both ways to and from college so that their siblings could see them every day. Zach chose to do this because at the time we were expecting Gracie, he said he couldn’t stand the thought that his little sister wouldn’t really know him. To this day, Zach and Gracie have a very close bond.
Zach and Cassie have been questioned and made fun of by their peers at school because they chose to live at home, even teachers have questioned why they would want to do something like that. It amazes me that wanting to be close to your family would be considered such an oddity and even frowned upon.
After Zach completed his computer science degree at Iowa State, he moved to Florida to complete a master’s degree in a very innovative new program designed to train software engineers, artists and producers to produce state-of-the-art, big budget video games. After completing his masters degree, Zach was interning at EA, one of the biggest companies in the interactive entertainment business, and had been offered a job in game development. At that time, we were in the process to adopt Ben and Maisey and soon after that Gracie was diagnosed with lupus. Gracie was very, very ill and was going to start chemo. These circumstances lead Zach to decide to forgo the job at EA and move home. Zach said that he couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing his two new siblings and if something happened to Gracie, and he wasn’t here, he would never forgive himself. His peers were incredulous. Why would he give up his dream job to go home to be closer to family? Even when Zach explained the circumstances, no one really understood and many questioned him over and over again. Zach, however, knew what was important.
Zach has always had a strong sense of family and God. One of my favorite moments was also one of the most devastating in my life. A couple years after having Zach, I had miscarried and was feeling very sad. Zach was a little over three years old. He sat on the step holding my hand and comforting me. His sense of God and his understanding of life were apparent even then. Zachary held my hand and said, “Don’t be sad mom. God has a plan.”
Recently my mother-in-law gave me this note that she had found while going through some old papers. Zach would have been four at the time it was written.
Who knows what “I sure miss God and Jesus! I haven’t seen them in a long, long time” means, but Zach has always seemed to have an understanding of God. His faith has always been strong. He has always talked about God like He was a friend, from the time he was very little.
Life was hard after Kyle died and with Codey being hospitalized for so long. I had no intention of getting pregnant, EVER again, which was saying a lot from a girl who always dreamed of having a big family. Codey was still in the hospital when I found out I was pregnant. God’s ways are not our ways, truer words have never been spoken. I would have never in a million years chosen to be pregnant then, but I thank God every day that I did get pregnant. Zach was one of the most wonderful gifts I have ever been given. He is a bright, sweet, generous, caring, God-fearing, wonderful young man. He was such a wonderful child to parent. He is not perfect, none of us are, but he has always been a blessing. He has always been a pleasure to be around. He has always asked questions that made me truly think. He makes my life a hundred times better than it would have been without him in it. His life showed me that love is greater than fear. He taught me to talk to God like a friend. He helped my heart heal.
He was married earlier this year to a wonderful girl. It will be a blessing to one day watch him love his own little ones. He couldn’t have been a better big brother to all his siblings and I know one day he will make a wonderful father.
Happy birthday Zachary! May God grant you as many blessings as you have brought into our lives.
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60 Days
We have 60 days left.
If you have ever adopted internationally, you know how long all of the paperwork takes. You fill out reams of papers and send them off only to wait for someone to get to them. You do some more paperwork, get fingerprinted, get police clearances, order birth and marriage certificates, have physical exams done, fill out more forms, get forms authenticated by the Secretary of State and the Chinese Consulate, wait, do some more forms, wait again, even more forms, wait, etc. It usually takes close to a year from start to finish.
With an adoption, every single time there is the worry that this may be the time that it is too hard or too messy or just too much. Which is why when God placed Kelly on my heart and everything in me said, “we don’t have the money, it’s too soon, we’re busy, are you kidding me Lord?”, we still proceeded. Because His ways are not my ways and His ways are so much better than my fearful, “I can’t do that” ways. So we proceeded, trusting in His plan, because although I say “What if it doesn’t work out?”, He says, “Ah, but what if it does?”
Every time we have entered into an adoption, we have proceeded on trust and faith. We have followed where God was leading and He has done some amazing things on our adoption journey. This journey has been no different. This journey our eyes could not see a way for this to work. We knew it could only happen by God’s power.
1st Corinthians 2:5 ….so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.
Dan and I did not think we would be adopting again, let alone this soon, but our hearts were taken, first, by Kelly and then by Elyse. Our plan was to pay off the debt that we had incurred with adopting four the previous year. We wanted to find our new normal and let everyone settle in. Then maybe we would see if God wanted us to do more. But then I saw Kelly’s picture and my heart was taken. I knew what we had already talked about: no proceeding with adopting until the debt was paid. But God provided just enough from a bonus to make that a non-issue. We had to ask ourselves “Ok, now what?”.
We prayed about the adoption because, to enter into this process and to file a Letter of Intent (LOI), meant Kelly was no longer able to be adopted by anyone else. What if we couldn’t finish in time? What if someone else already in the process wanted to adopt her? Would we stop her from having a chance at a family? But she had been advocated for by others for quite sometime and no one mentioned trying to adopt her. We prayed some more, felt God’s lead, and decided to proceed.
I sent an e-mail to our agency and said, “Is this possible? We have 170 days.” They said, “It is possible if everything goes perfectly. We will do our best.” Having been through this process twice before, I knew things rarely go perfectly, but God was leading so we followed and trusted.
The first issue was getting the file transferred to our agency. We know this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes in aging out children they will allow it. We heard that the other agency would allow the transfer and we sang praises.
With our last adoptions, we were delayed by the rejection of the fingerprints of our handicapped 27 year old son. Each of those rejections can add six weeks of time to get a new set of prints done. You have to be rejected twice and then to have them run manually. We didn’t have the luxury of time with Kelly’s adoption, but then the most amazing thing happened. I heard from our social worker, Jan, that she knows someone who can get these prints done with a three day turnaround. What an Amazing God provision!
Not only were Codey’s fingerprints rejected, but Linda’s (Dan’s mom) were too. What a mess. We are at a loss. We have to start all over at square one. I called customer service at the FBI. I asked to talk to supervisors. I talked to the people who ran Codey’s prints to start with. Everyone said there is nothing they can do. But then Jan remembered something from a previous inservice she had attended, she placed a call and amazingly, something we were told could not be rushed and would take another six weeks, gets done the very next day. God provides again.
In the middle of Evie and Eli’s surgery we were trying to complete our 1-800A to be able to get it authenticated at the Secretary of State’s office and then the Chinese Consulate so we could complete our dossier and send it to our agency for review. The goal was to have the dossier done, translated, and set to China by the end of May. We had to get them to agree to expedite the 1-800A, which is usually at least a 30 day turnaround. They agreed to expedite and went above and beyond in helping my daughter get things together since we were out of state.
We have had this happen over and over again. Just recently we were told that it would take 2-3 weeks to get LID after they mailed our dossier. The timeline was to have our dossier reviewed by our agency, sometimes this can take 1-2 weeks. Mail said dossier to China which takes 3-5 days to arrive and then wait for China to log in dossier, which can take 2-3 weeks. Our dossier was mailed on the 6th of June, arrived in China on the 9th and was logged in on the 10th. More provisions.
We are now waiting on our Letter of Acceptance (LOA). These have been taking 60-90 days. The quickest turnaround our agency has seen was two weeks. Refer back to our time frame….60 days left. This is not doable by man’s hands; good thing it is in someone else’s hands.
Praise the Lord, we received our soft LOA yesterday, the 17th, one week after being LID! How could we not stand in awe of a God that can move mountains for one sweet little girl half-way around the world?
Our LOA is needed to file the final immigration papers (1-800), which allow us to bring two children into the U.S. After that we still need to get our Article 5 (which informs the foreign central authority that U.S. competent authorities have determined the prospective adoptive parents are eligible and suited to adopt), which will then allow for travel approval (TA) and our consulate appointment (CA). We will then be set to travel. The only catch? Evie’s surgery has been rescheduled for July 17th and we need to be in China before August 17th to adopt Kelly.
But as with everything else in this crazy adoption, things change. Evie’s teeth look pretty bad. We decide we need to get her teeth done before heart surgery and her dentist graciously works Evie into the schedule. Yesterday, we got to claim the blessing of protections unknown. Evie had an abscessed tooth. We didn’t even know it. She had no fever and no pain. Had Evie not gotten the cold and had we proceeded with her surgery, then we could have been looking at endocarditis right now. There’s a proven correlation between oral health and heart health. If you have dental problems, it can cause bursts of bacteria into the blood stream and if you have any artificial material, like Evie’s BT shunt, bacteria can stick to it and it can be very difficult to treat. It’s not just the shunt but kids with heart defects in general are at risk for endocarditis.
An abscessed tooth means removal of that tooth and a possible delay of surgery. I am unsure of what will happen now, but I know that God knows and I am trusting with all my heart.
Since the beginning of this crazy adoption journey, we knew it was going to be all His doing. I do know that sometimes He brings you to things to learn and to grow and it doesn’t always necessarily go the way we had prayed or hoped. I have learned a lot about older child adoptions, about expediting adoptions. I have learned that children don’t always want to leave their country and we can’t assume we know what is best all the time. I have decided that there are changes that need to be made. There is so much redundancy and extra unnecessary cost, which in turn makes children wait for longer than necessary. There has to be a better way.
Elijah’s surgery has been scheduled for September, well after the time we get home with the girls. All that remains is Evie’s surgery and this process. We specifically want to travel before the surgeries. Please pray for things to move as quickly as they can. God has heard your prayers and we are forever thankful.
In the meantime, I have received pictures of Kelly that make my heart smile. We are still waiting on an update for Elyse.
This mama’s heart is hopeful and joyful – expectantly waiting on the Lord.
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A Public Proclamation!
Today being the day of birth of our very dear Mema! We wish to proclaim our love for her, for all to see, on this page.
I am one of the lucky ones, the blessed ones, the ones who get to call their mother-in-law their friend. Linda, her sister Kay, and my mom were friends. They became friends after Dan and I married. We did craft sales together and enjoyed our weekends together being silly. They would all get in the car and come down to shop with us. Red Lobster was a favorite birthday hangout. Cassie was almost ten before she realized not everyone’s mom and mother-in-law were friends.
Every year we attended the Women of Faith conferences together. It was a wonderful weekend full of laughter and love. We grew in our faith and our friendship.
Linda is sweet and compassionate and everything you want a grandmother, mother, and friend to be. She is there for my children and is always ready to take a phone call from them. These days that mainly consists of lots of hellos and love yous and a whole lot of words you just can’t understand from the littles.
In the past few years, Linda has cared for and buried her mother, her husband, her sister and her father. She even took my mom in after mom had her heart attack and couldn’t climb the stairs in her own home. Linda does this, not to get attention from anyone else, but because it is the right thing to do. She quietly goes about her business of caring for others.
Instead of sitting home and feeling sorry for herself after all those loses, she joined a church, became a part of that church’s group for outreach. She started a Bible study in her own home and invited the neighbor ladies. She now has a group of ladies that meet every Thursday to learn more about God and to support each other with friendship. She is proof that just because you are getting older doesn’t mean your life is over. If you are still alive, then God has a plan for you.
She has been a big supporter of our adoptions. She has readily embraced every child we have adopted. Once she admitted to me that she had wanted to care for orphans and now, through Dan and I, she gets too. She traveled with us to China on our last trip. We needed one adult for each child and she became Evie’s traveling buddy.
Happy birthday Mema! May God continue to bless you as you follow His lead. We love you and are so blessed you are in our lives. – Dan & Lisa
And now I’ll let the kids tell you how they feel about their Mema…..
Codey isn’t able to tell you so I will just let you know that Codey ADORES his mema. She can always make him smile. She sings his favorite songs and feeds him his favorite treats.
Happy birthday Mema! I’m so thankful to have you in my life. We’ve had so many different adventures while I was growing up, and I will always treasure them. I’m looking forward to seeing you continue some of those adventures with my own kids someday. I love you! Zachary
I have so many great memories with Mema! From the time I as little she would buy me a rose bush for my birthday. That took a lot of patience because I always managed to kill it, until my 14th birthday. 🙂 When I was younger, we would have sleepovers that always involved crocheting and movies and eating Dots. (she doesn’t like the green ones, but I do! We’re a good team.) She has always been there for me; from recitals to birthdays to pageants to Tae Kwon Do testing. She is always there to cheer me on! I love you Mema! Love, Cassie
And this is what the middles have to say….
And you know the littles adore you. They send kisses and hugs on your happy, happy day!
We are all very blessed to have you in our lives. Praying your day and your year are blessed.
Happy birthday Mema!
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The Day That Changed my Life
For those of you who don’t already know this, I use my blog as my journal. It has worked pretty well so far. I used to keep a journal for each child, which was easy with three, but not so easy with twelve, soon to be fourteen. Plus, with our adopted children, much of their life story is missing, which breaks my heart. This blog and my Facebook posts, which I copy and paste at the end of each month, have become my new way of keeping memories alive for my children. That being said, this post is for that reason, to retell a story that is quite long and complicated. This post details the day that changed my life forever.
I looked back to see if I had ever covered this topic before and as far as I can tell, I haven’t. It’s a hard topic for me. People often comment about life being hard now and I can honestly say it is nothing compared to what we went through with our first two children. Now we have money, family that lives close by, older children who want to help, people to lend a hand, and a church that supports us.
Last year I wrote about all the lessons Codey and Kyle’s lives have taught me. You can read about that here. (Blog post) But I have yet to put the words down in writing as to what those first days, months and years were like. They were hard and life altering and it all started on April 29th, 1987.
It was a beautiful day. I remember it well. After work, I had gone shopping with my mom. I loved those moments with my mom. She had always been my best friend and I looked forward to our time together shopping. She took me out to eat before running me to the hospital to meet Dan, who was working, for our second Lamaze class. I was most definitely pregnant. You couldn’t miss my big belly. At this point, I had gone from a 24 inch waist to over 50 inches. I remember I was wearing this goofy Garfield t-shirt and capris so it must have been a nice night. I was a little over 28 weeks along, due July 22nd, and just so BIG! Everyone commented on how big I was and I was constantly asked how close I was to delivering. My mama would smile and say, “She’s having twins!” It was a wonderful time, full of anticipation, everyone was overjoyed at the thought of twins. It was the first grandchildren on both sides. My mom couldn’t wait and I was feeling very blessed.
Dan and I dated through high school. We broke up for a bit at the end of our senior year and when we got back together we knew that we wanted to be together forever. Neither of us wanted to wait. When we married, he was 19 and I had just turned 20. We waited a couple of years before having children, but we knew we wanted a family. I had always dreamed of having a large family and he would say, “Let’s see what God has planned for us.” Dan has always had faith and an understanding of God that was way beyond me. My relationship with God consisted of going to church on Sunday and trying to be good. Dan taught me what grace, faith and trust were.
We were as broke as you could be. We drove a truck that seated two and we couldn’t even afford the back bumper for it. (Yes, all those years ago back bumpers were optional.) We lived in a small apartment. I was paid not much over $5 an hour working as a legal secretary. Dan worked in the laundry at the hospital and was attending the local junior college. When we found out we were having twins, we moved in with Dan’s parents to try and save money for a car and the things we would need. To most people it would have looked like we were barely surviving, but we were happy. We had family that loved and supported us. Dan and I were best friends, we had each other, and we were about to start on this grand adventure called parenthood.
My water broke on the way to the class. I sat there afraid and unsure of what to do. I had just met Dan at the hospital. We were supposed to be attending our second class. We called our doctor and she had us go to the E.R. When things like this happen, it doesn’t seem real. You can’t think. I couldn’t have imagined what was going to happen even if I knew what could happen. I was still picturing the happy ending because I didn’t know any better. And then it began.
They hooked me up to an i.v., they pumped fluid into me, they called in the O.B. The contractions wouldn’t stop. Our doctor called the doctors at the bigger metropolitan hospital and asked them what to do. There was a big debate between the local O.B., our family doctor, and the big town O.B. No one could agree. Local O.B. says let her deliver in the small hospital and move the babies when they come. Big town O.B. says the babies stand a much better chance of surviving if they are delivered at a hospital with a level 3 NICU. The big town O.B. starts to talk about how I could lose my life and we could lose both the boys and decisions have to be made.
We choose to go to the bigger hospital. Life flight, an air ambulance, is called. They loaded me on board and our local doctor, Dr. S, rides with me. Dr. S is afraid I will deliver the boys in air. She takes the place of one of the transport nurses, who now needs to find a ride back to Methodist. Dr. S tells me over and over again that it will be okay, but I can see in her eyes that it is not. We are a long way from o.k.
Not knowing anything about having a baby early, I tell myself they will be small, but it will be okay. I am in the air, sure that we are going to crash, so afraid that I don’t even know what to pray. “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” plays over and over again in my head. I remember lying there in that helicopter with tears streaming down my face wondering why this had to happen to me.
I arrive at the hospital in record time. Dan is left driving our “new to us” car – a very old Gremlin. This car almost fell apart at anything over 55 miles per hour. My poor husband had to ride 90 minutes with someone he had never met before on the worst day of his life. I was waiting for my mom, Dan, and the rest of the family. My stepfather actually got them lost and it took them forever to get to me. I had never felt so alone and so afraid in my whole life.
I listened to the whispered discussions while they did lab work and ultrasounds. There was talk of the boys being conjoined. Everything they said scared me just a little bit more. Time seemed to stand still. I couldn’t do this without Dan. I needed him by my side to help make decisions. He finally arrived at the hospital and the decision was made to do a c-section. Kyle was breach and since they couldn’t stop my labor, they needed to get the boys out. They ran down the hallway taking me to the operating room. At 12:04 Codey entered the world at a whopping 2 pounds 7 ounces.
Codey – 2 pounds 7 ounces
One minute later Kyle followed. He weighed 3 pound 8 ounces. In my mind that made him stronger and healthier, but that was not to be the case. Kyle was born with an omphalocele and had many issues. We would later learn he had Beckwith Weidemann Syndrome.
3 pounds 8 ounces – Kyle
I was frustrated because I was infected and had a temperature so they wouldn’t let me in the NICU. It was so hard wanting to be with my babies and not being able to see them. I can’t remember how much time went by before they let me in, but it seemed like forever. They called us in a couple times and then it was the final time. They sat me in a rocker and they put my boy in my arms and they pulled this awful white curtain around us. To this day I can not stand white curtains. It was an open bed unit, which means there was no privacy except for that curtain. I have no idea what I sounded like sitting in that chair and I could have cared less. My dreams of two, little blonde haired beautiful boys was coming to an end. My heart was broken and I let the tears just fall.
Kyle’s death was one of the hardest times of our lives. It was a pretty horrible place to find ourselves – without jobs, or a place to live, and to not be able to afford to bury our son. We had life insurance but Kyle needed to live seven days to be able to claim it and he only lived five. We couldn’t even afford to have the funeral home come down to get Kyle’s body so I held him, wrapped in a blanket, and rode home with mom and Linda, as we drove him the 90 minutes back home.
I remember when the chaplain came up with the idea for us to take Kyle’s body in our car. I kept saying that I couldn’t do this. I could not carry his little body in the car with me. I just couldn’t. But the chaplain was so kind and so sweet and she told me that with God I could do this. She said she knew I was strong enough to be there for my son. She told me it would give me closure and she was right. It was so hard to hand him off at the funeral home. I knew he wasn’t there, but still….
Our family supported us in amazing ways, my mom and stepfather bought him a little white casket. My grandparents gave us two burial plots, one for him and one for Codey. We had a service where my husband stood up and talked. Dan’s main point was to tell others to not let Kyle’s life make them bitter or angry. Dan told them for them to become bitter would dishonor Kyle’s name. Kyle’s life had purpose. Kyle’s life had meaning and he wanted everyone to remember that and move forward.
My favorite/saddest memory of that day was my husband lifting the little white casket off the back of the hearse. Dan didn’t think about pall bearers, all he thought about was taking his little boy to his final resting place. I had brought Kyle into this world and Dan laid him to rest. I will never forget that moment or how much I loved my husband and his sweet, caring heart.
We were lucky that we didn’t have to go home to move our belongings. What little we had was still at his parents. We didn’t even have a nursery to go home to. We had one lone cradle that sat in our room. We had never gotten around to building the other cradle and now it seemed as if it was an omen, like some how we knew or had caused what happened. It’s crazy what your pained mind will believe.
Did I not pray hard enough? Was my faith not strong enough? Did it look like I didn’t care? Where the others right? Did God think we couldn’t handle two sick children? (Someone actually said this to me at Kyle’s service.) Were we being punished for some sin? Why did this happen to us when all we wanted was to have a child to love. Why? Why? Why?
We moved into the Ronald McDonald House and lived there long enough to kicked out. You can stay three months and then they remind you that you might need to make some other plans. We had to decide what to do with our lives. Codey was not quickly getting better. Dan decided that he wanted to make a difference in the lives of babies like our boys. He decided to become a doctor, which is a far cry from the man I married who was thinking of being an art teacher. Dan applied to Drake University to get his B.A. in biology. We got into married student housing right away. I started working temp jobs for attorneys in town so I could pick and choose when I worked.
Codey was on maximum ventilator settings for many months. Time and time again they would say there is no more support we can give him. He was on 100% oxygen. He would get sick, we would call down our family, and wait. We waited for him to die. We waited and waited and waited. I lost track of how many times we waited for Codey to die. Over and over again this happened and each time Codey pulled through. You can only wait for your child to die so many times before you decide that maybe it’s time to live.
We had even been asked a few times if we wanted to discontinue support, but how do you discontinue support on a child who is not brain dead? How do you do that when your child is playing and kicking in his bed? Both Dan and I believed that if it was Codey’s time, God would call him home. Kyle was on the same maximum settings and he never survived. Dan and I just couldn’t make that decision. We had to leave it in God’s hands.
He was such a sweet, sweet baby!
We spent all our first holidays in that hospital. We had gone through Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and now we were celebrating Christmas. It was a very sad time, although the nurses in the unit tried to make it festive. We came in one morning to find Codey in a big boy crib. The nurses had got together and bought him a regular bed. Dan bought battery powered Christmas lights for above his bed. I remember other families complaining and the nurses telling them if they wanted to stay 8 months, they could have one too.
One of the funniest memories of this crib, was when Codey extubated himself. He was very good at extubating himself. Jan had even made him his own fabric arm restraints to try and keep his hands away from his face. Anyway, Codey extubated himself and no one could figure out how to get the side of the crib down. One doctor had to hold him and the other had to intubate him. It became a running joke in the unit as to how many years of schooling it takes to be able to put the side of a crib down.
In January, he would be transferred to the university hospital, 90 miles away, to have a tracheostomy placed. The doctors at our local hospital told us they thought they would kill him if they tried to do the surgery and they wanted us to go somewhere where the surgeons had performed more of these surgeries. I still have the utmost respect for these doctors who decided to do what was in the best interest of Codey.
On the way out the door, the NICU informed us that Codey had hydrocephalus that they thought was being somewhat controlled by large doses of lasix. A not so nice surprise but at the time we had no clue what that would mean for our little guy. Codey was transferred and the primary nurse, Jan, who had cared for our son for the past 8 months, rode along in the ambulance with him.
It was very hard being in the hospital that long. Not many people visited or seem to care about Codey. It felt like no one really knew what to do, but Jan loved Codey. She protected Codey and she still remembers Codey. During a horrible, horrible time it was nice to know that someone truly cared about our boy. As a nurse or doctor, don’t ever forget the impact your lives have on those you care for. Jan still remembers Codey’s birthdays. She has even come to our older children’s graduation parties. She is loved and will always have a special place in our hearts.
Somewhere in the midst of all this waiting, I found out I was pregnant. Talk about the perfect timing. We hadn’t even made it out of the hospital with our first child and I was pregnant again. At the time, this would seem like the worst possible thing that could happen to us, but time would show us what a blessing Zachary was and how perfect God’s plan is.
Playing with Zach!
After a short stay at the University Hospital, we went back to the local hospital but to the PICU this time. The PICU would be the place where everything would change for Codey. He had his first birthday party there and the local news covered this amazing story of the little boy who had yet to spend a day at home. At that time, Codey was on oxygen and had a tracheostomy but he was doing well. He was sitting and talking. He had a horrible case of bronchopulmonary dysplasia and his lungs just needed time to heal.
At 14 months of age we would go home for a day. It was a wonderful time to finally get him home. We surprised Dan’s mom by not telling her that Codey was coming home. It was a day of happiness, but it didn’t last long. We were right back in the PICU.
Eventually Codey required a shunt for hydrocephalus. He had many shunt malufunctions and infections. During an infection Codey would have the bleed that would change our lives. When your shunt becomes infected, you need to pull that shunt and treat the patient with i.v. antibiotics before you can place a new shunt. After the shunt removal surgery, Codey just wouldn’t wake up. We kept telling the nurses, residents, anyone who would listen that he wasn’t acting right. They would tell us he was just sleepy from surgery. We tried all day long to get someone to listen to us. They finally had to pay attention when Codey started seizing. By the time they took him to the O.R. there was a small amount of brain squished up against the inside of his head. The whole middle was blood. Somehow a vessel had been torn when they pulled the shunt out. They gave us the choice to treat him or let him go. I know what they wanted us to do, but I couldn’t watch it. Dan and I decided if he was going to die, we wanted it to be in surgery where he would be unaware of the pain. We just couldn’t watch it anymore. He was seizing so bad that only his head and his feet were on the bed. It was horrible to watch your child writhe in so much pain.
The neurologist helped us call our family. Everyone said it would only be a matter of time, but it wasn’t Codey’s time. He came out of surgery and slowly got better. We were given the prognosis that they thought he would be blind, deaf, and in a vegetative state. Those are pretty grim things for a parent to hear. What had we done? Should we have just let him go? It is hard when you are in the middle of it. How can anyone make those decisions? When someone confronts you with this after you have fought so hard, how can you possibly give up now?
On August 5, 1988, Codey was readmitted to the hospital. I remember all the nurses asking us when the last time Dan and I had gone on a date together. Dan and I laughed. They told us Codey was stable and tried to convince us to go. One of the nurses who helped at home was even on that night. They talked us in to going out. I was 35 weeks pregnant and very tired, having a date with my husband sounded like a wonderful plan. They even joked that this would be a good time to have the baby since we now had a sitter for Codey. We left the unit, chuckling to ourselves. We ate and went to see a movie and my water broke. Zachary was born later that night. As always, God’s timing is perfect.
Life was hard with Codey at home. Dan had decided to go to medical school. We were 3 hours away from family. Codey was g-tube fed, on oxygen, had a tracheostomy, and was on a ventilator. Zach was a few months old when we moved. We had issues with nursing and finally just gave up and did it ourselves. Life was difficult then. We didn’t have any extra cash. We had just moved and knew no one in the town. There were many times we felt very, very alone.
Codey has spent an unbelievable amount of time in the hospital. He has had a 14 month stay; two six month stays; two, three and four months stays over and over again. He has had close to 100 surgeries and procedures. We have been through so much with him. He has had about every complication you can have from the medications he was on – gall stones, kidney stones, ruined teeth, etc. and if there could be a complication from a surgery, it would happen to Codey. I have watched him endure more procedures than any child should have to go through. I have seen him beg to be put on a gurney so they could take him to surgery and relieve the pain in his head. His poor little head has been shaved over and over again for surgery. At one time he had three shunts in to try and release the pressures. Eventually he had so much scar tissue in his ventricles that it became impossible to put in enough shunts to drain it. At that point they did a complicated procedure with a scope to take down the numerous bands of scar tissue that had built up in his ventricles over the years. He has so much scar tissue in his abdomen from all the infections and shunts that they eventually had to put the shunt tubing into a blood vessel in his neck. He has had tubes put in his ears, a g-tube placed, cholecystectomy, heel cord release, and a tracheotomy.
Codey is not blind. Codey is not deaf. It’s true he isn’t able to walk. He prefers to scoot around on the floor. He watches t.v. He plays with his toys. He is loved by his family. He has changed my life. Many people think Codey doesn’t live a life that has worth, but I would disagree. I believe that Codey is fulfilling his plan. I believe he is probably doing it better than most of us. Codey doesn’t say hurtful words to other people. Codey doesn’t lie, steal or cheat. Codey isn’t arrogant or mean. Codey is fulfilling the plan God set out for him to do. Codey is humble and content. He is not striving for worldly things and for that reason, one day my son will have great rewards in heaven. Life on earth is but a speck of time. Heaven is forever. I hold fast to that truth.
Matthew 18:3-4 And said, Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
I do not believe God set out for Codey to be hurt. I believe through free will and random chance things happen to people. I believe God can stop things from happening and God often does that, but that God sometimes allow things to happen for the good of all involved. His ways are not our ways. We can not possibly comprehend the why. It may not be what we would want or choose, but it can still be for good. There is no way 27 years ago that I could have seen all that would come to be because of Codey and Kyle’s lives.
I no longer question why it had to happen to me. Why not me? Who am I to think I am better than anyone else? I am a sinner just like everyone else. If Codey had to go through all of this, then I am glad I got to be his mother. I am happy that I got to be the one to comfort Codey. I am a better person for having had Codey. I wish Codey hadn’t had to suffer, but I can’t change what happened without it changing how it changed us so if you asked me “Do I wish this hadn’t happened?” – of course I wish this hadn’t happened but I have been blessed to see the blessings that have come out of the suffering. I truly believe God has used the bad for good according to His will. The changes in Dan’s and my heart because of the boys are huge and I am not arrogant enough to believe I would have understood anything without those lessons. It would change my love for hurting children. It would change our knowing that we could handle anything that happened on our journey. It would change us knowing what is truly important. It would change my walk and my journey with God which was strengthened through these lessons.
I have often wondered why these things happened to my son. Why did Codey have to suffer? Was it some sin that I had done that Codey was now paying for? The verse that brought me the most comfort with regard to that question is the story of the child who was born blind told in John 9. John 9:3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
So the works of God might be displayed in him, that is a pretty good way to live your life and my son has done it well.
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Elyse
Please say hello to Elyse or Lysee (LeeCee) as everyone has started calling her.
Isn’t she beautiful? Can’t you just see the sweetness shining through that wonderful smile?
Many of you have been waiting to hear her story. I apologize that it has taken me so long to get this down in writing, but here is part of her story.
In the midst of discussions between Dan and I about adopting Kelly*, I brought up adopting one more. I was having a hard time conveying to Dan just why I felt we were being called to adopt two so I put all my thoughts about adopting two at a time in an e-mail to him and asked him not to respond and just let it “percolate” a bit. He talked with me later that afternoon and asked “are you crazy” and told me “absolutely not”, but I know how God works with him. If God was placing it on my heart, then God would work on Dan’s heart too. I didn’t need to nag him. I just let it be.
A couple days later he told me that he had an image of what this little girl would look like – yellow wheelchair, pig tails, not a toddler or a teenager. If God meant for it to be, we would find her. I immediately typed in “little girl in yellow wheelchair, with pigtails, adoption”. Alas, Google was not helpful, it was not going to be that easy. I looked at all the pictures on Reece’s Rainbow and didn’t find her. I asked my Facebook friend Annie how I would go about finding lists of little girls in wheelchairs. I couldn’t ask Annie to advocate for her. I just needed to know what my options were.
There are many groups advocating for children from China both on Facebook and Yahoo groups. I trusted that God would bring her to us. I saw many pictures of girls in wheelchairs and then Annie posted about a little girl on one of those Facebook groups. I watched her video and she was just so sweet. I didn’t have an immediate reaction of “yes, this is her” but I did think she was beautiful, sweet, and had the very best smile. So just for the heck of it (and yes, I admit I was being more than a little ornery), I sent the video to Dan. I texted him saying, “How about a light blue wheelchair and yellow rubberbands with the pigtails. lol”
I couldn’t believe it?!?! Spina bifida? Kelly has spina bifida too. When we decided that we would adopt two, I had said it would be nice if their special needs were similar so that when we were making appointments at the Children’s Hospital I could double up. The hospital is 2 hours away and although it wasn’t a requirement it would make life a little easier. Plus, before Dan told me his vision of what the little girl looked like, I had been looking at lots of aging out girls, other mothers had even sent me information about other girls they were advocating for, but Gracie, who is 9, had said on more than one occasion that it would be nice to adopt a little girl who was her age. What I didn’t know was how hard Gracie was praying for a little girl close to her age. I didn’t know this until after we started talking about Elyse. Gracie later apologized for praying so hard for a little girl her age, but what a wonderful blessing it has turned out to be. How can you be upset about a little girl’s answered prayers?
And here was his response….
I thought he was joking until I got home and saw his face. He was serious. This little girl was his daughter. He looked at me and said, “We need to go get her.” This was amazing and could only be from God. Just so you get the whole picture I’m including his words from an e-mail he sent to his friend the next day.
Just to fill in the story on her. My dear Lisa had the audacity to ask me about adopting one more on this trip. I have never been more unreceptive to adopting more kids than I was at that moment. An image briefly flashed in my head, and I snapped at her and said – “OK, find me a little girl in a wheelchair, but not a toddler and not a teen. She should have pigtails. And a wheelchair with yellow on it. Otherwise forget it.”
The next day she sent me a link to a video.
I could not have been much more negative at that point if I tried. I started watching it, and just burst into tears. It was just like when I first saw Jasmine. Keep in mind, I’m not prone to bursting into tears, and this isn’t the first cute orphan I’ve seen. I was just wrecked. Then she sang MaMa Hao. I had written something to Lisa a few weeks ago about this song. I had read the lyrics, and posted a little tribute to her stating that this song captures how her children feel about their new mommy. And there she was singing it to us. It was like God slapped me upside my head. By the time the video was over I knew she was mine, and texted Lisa saying simply “She is my daughter”. There she was, exactly what I asked for in living color (the yellow was in her coat, not the wheelchair).
After I resuscitated Lisa, we talked to Lifeline, and they agreed to transfer her file to CCAI since we had already started with them for Kelly. We had a brief 24 hours of terror, as another family was reviewing her file. But the next day, she was transferred to CCAI, and the LOI was sent about ten minutes later (that was yesterday afternoon).
As you have just read in his message, Elyse was singing the same song Dan had posted to my Facebook just weeks before. Here is that post.
But as only God can do, there was more. Dan’s friend knew this little girl as she had once been in their foster care program. We had no idea that she had been cared for by them. She let Dan know that they had pictures of Elyse from when she was a baby. I cried happy tears. One of the things that has been the hardest for me with my adopted children is the lack of baby pictures.
Not only that but we found out their organization had been advocating for years to get her paper ready and had all but given up hope that the orphanage would ever do so. But the orphanage recently decided to get her paper ready. God is good! Have I mentioned that before? Well, it is worth repeating, over and over again!
Many times you never get to hear your adopted children’s stories. Their years previous to joining your family are just lost, but I have been blessed over and over again. Jasmine was with Love Without Boundaries so we have updates with pictures over many, many years. Maisey and Lainey were with New Hope Foundation so we have pictures from their stays. Eli was at Maria’s Big House of Hope. Ben and Evie are the only two we don’t have information on. And now with Kelly at Agape and Elyse having previously been in Love Without Boundaries foster care, I will have their information. I am one blessed mama.
We had a nerve wracking 24 hours waiting to see if the other family would proceed. We were blessed in that Lifeline chose to transfer her file. We know this doesn’t always happen and isn’t always possible. We can’t thank them enough for helping advocate for our girls. We are blessed that our agency has been fighting hard to beat Kelly’s August 17th deadline. Not all agencies are willing to do this. We have so much support. It has been overwhelming. I posted about having PA for Kelly and over 200 people have liked that post and so many have commented about how they have prayed for her and advocated for her. One day I will be able to show her that she has been loved and prayed for by so many. I now have the same thing with Elyse. People who have advocated for her and loved her and prayed for her have sent us messages. What a gift to share with my girls.
I am so excited to work as hard as we can to get the paperwork through. We have 92 days left. 92 days to get immigration clearance, get the dossier sent, LOA, Article 5, and a travel date is not a lot of time, but we have faith that it is being taken care of by God. As was shown recently with the fingerprinting for our homestudy.
We had Linda and Codey fingerprinted and sent through a courier. We went through a courier because there was a three day turnaround and we knew Codey prints were going to be rejected. They were both rejected twice so we thought we could do it manually as we have done the previous two adoptions, but there is some new law that makes this no longer available. The FBI said they could not use the rejection letters from the courier so we needed to start from square one. They informed us there would be a 5-6 week wait for the prints to clear and considering our dossier needs to leave for China by the end of May, we just didn’t have that much time. I talked to numerous people at the FBI customer service desk and was told the same thing over and over again, “There’s nothing we can do. There is no way to expedite this.”
We can’t finish the homestudy without the fingerprint clearance. Without the homestudy we can’t get our 1-800a form. Without our 1-800a form, we can not finish our dossier. Without our dossier being finished and sent to China, China can’t proceed with LOA and on and on and on. It is horrible. I was in Boston and there was nothing I could do. And then all of a sudden we got the news that someone had interceded on our behalf. Codey and Linda’s prints cleared. It was amazing. What we were told over and over again couldn’t happen….happened!
We see his hand all over the girl’s adoptions and we are expectantly waiting to watch it all unfold in His perfect timing!
God is good and we are all feeling blessed!
*Edited to add that Kelly ultimately decided to stay in China and we did not push for the adoption after we found out that she didn’t want to leave the group home that she lived in. We wanted to honor her request to stay in the only home she had known with the people she loved.
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Good News – Bad News
Good news – For those of you who have Facebook you can now follow along on the group Seriously Blessed by Adoption.
Bad news – If you don’t have Facebook, you are out of luck and have to wait for my posts which don’t include nearly as many cute pictures.
Good news – I have actually had time to blog a couple of times in the past couple of days, including a Mother’s Day post.
Bad news – I was in Boston and I missed my babies and my mama on Mother’s Day.
Good news – Evie had a heart cath on Friday and the news was very encouraging. Both of her pulmonary arteries grew. The growth of her arteries was so good the surgeons have opted to skip the second surgery, the bidirectional Glenn, and go straight to the Fontan.
Bad news – Evie was hospitalized the day before her cath for hydration and the night after her cath for a 12 hour heparin drip. We weren’t expecting these stays at all and she wasn’t very happy about them. (Except for the car rides.)
Good news – We got to meet a very nice mother sharing our room, who had a very sweet baby named Molly.
Bad news – Not really bad news, but I just thought Molly’s mama could use some prayers. She has a three year old and five month old triplets. All of you mamas who just gasped, please say an extra prayer for Molly and her mama. She had a hard Mother’s Day being away from her other little ones.
Bad news – Evie’s surgery was postponed today due to her getting a cold sometime between the heart cath on Friday and Sunday afternoon. She never really got a fever but she has a runny nose and a wet sounding cough.
Good news – Evie’s surgery can be rescheduled in 4-6 weeks, which means I can go with Eli for his surgery on the 28th. It also allows us to get our fingerprints done for immigration.
Good news – We got our biometrics appointment letter very quickly.
Bad news – It’s not scheduled until the last of the month which is way to late. Please say an extra prayer for us as we try to all walk in for fingerprinting at the immigration office. Sometimes they allow it, sometimes not. Hopefully, they will take pity on us.
Bad news – We have to have all of our dossier paperwork ready to go by the end of the month.
Good news – We have many agencies who are working very hard and trying to get this done.
Bad news – Codey’s fingerprints have been rejected twice and we have to start all over again at square one.
Good news – Apparently having a pretty, young, female police officer tell him that he is going to be friends with her and do his fingerprints right, actually works. He even put his own thumbs on the papers. Who knew?
Bad news – Waiting six weeks puts us into July, add a couple weeks recovery, and it brings us exceedingly close to when we would have to travel for Kelly and Elyse.
Good news – Evie seems to be extraordinarily pleased that she is not having surgery today and even told her daddy, “I’m so happy daddy.” We’ve never heard her say that before. Plus, she has continued to dance around the hotel room since we got back here. 🙂
Bad news – We waited in the waiting room for 5 1/2 hours today waiting for someone to confirm what Dan had already told the resident the night before – there was no way Evie could have surgery with her wet cough. We waited just long enough to miss every flight leaving for the night or the flights were already full.
Good news – I get to see my babies tomorrow.
Bad news – I can’t get Elyse’s video to upload into my blog.
Good news – As soon as I do, I am going to share my little girl’s story.
Thanks for all your prayers for little Evie. I know that God’s timing is perfect. Maybe if we had had surgery we wouldn’t have been able to get the fingerprinting done and we wouldn’t be able to adopt Kelly. I don’t know why Evie got this cold. It’s really not horrible, no fever, she looks good. It was just enough to cancel surgery so there must be a reason. We shall continue to praise God for all He has done to heal our little girl. Her heart cath on Friday was unbelievably encouraging. The words the doctors used was “phenomenal”. Considering we were told at the beginning they couldn’t even see her pulmonary arteries and weren’t sure she had any, this is beyond amazing.
God continues to have us walk this road of trust, patience, and faith. Somedays, I admit, I do better than others. I’m truly not upset about the cancellation just wondering about the logistics of it all, but our God knows what the future holds. Worry will not change a thing so I will trust this was right, look forward to one more good night of sleep, and hurry on home to my babies.
Matthew 6:27 – Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
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My Mother’s Day Wishes
I want to wish all the mamas I know a very Happy Mother’s Day!
I want to wish peace to those who are waiting to become a mother for the first time or are in the process again.
I want to wish comfort to those, like me, who are missing their mothers so much, not just today, but everyday.
I pray for eyes to be open to all the children who are longing for a mother.
I pray for hearts to hear the call of the Lord to care for these hurting souls.
I pray for homes to be open to foster children in need.
I pray for encouragement and help for mothers in our communities, near or far, who need a helping hand.
I pray for the mamas whose children forget them today.
I pray for the mamas who have had children die.
I pray for my two sweeties who are not yet with us.
Being a mama is the best job I could ever hope for. I have been blessed over and over again with sweet, wonderful souls that have made my life a better, fuller, brighter, happier place. They have strengthened my faith and helped me grow in ways I could have never imagined when I first became a mother. When I was young I wanted to be a nurse, a teacher, and a mother to 12. I have been all of those things and more during the past 27 years. Every day is Mother’s Day at our house and I am one very blessed mama. Thank you for making me a mama -Codey, Kyle, Zachary, Cassandra, Hope, Jasmine, Grace, Benjamin, Maisey, Lainey, Evangeline and Elijah.
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