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Happy Father’s Day
Someday I am going to get my husband to write a blog post about what it feels like to be the father of 14 children, but for now I will just write a post about my husband from my point of view. I write about the children and our adoption journey a lot. I don’t often write about Dan, mainly because he is a pretty private guy. He prayed long and hard about our blog when we decided to write about our adoption journey. He felt that the benefit of others seeing adoption first hand trumped his need to be private.
Dan and I started dating when he was 15 and I was 16. We had the usual high school romance with on again, off again issues. We got back together shortly after high school and were married when he was 19 and I just turned 20.
He decided to become a physician after the twins were born. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of babies. He wanted to change their outcomes. He didn’t want other families to go through the pain that we had gone through with the death of Kyle and the extended hospitalization of Codey.
He fulfilled that dream after 15 long years of training and has now had the perfect job for over 14 years. He is still able to do his clinical work and he also has the honor of being Clinical/Quality improvement director for a large company. This job allows him to teach others about how important it is to not only take care of the patient but to truly care about the patient.
During his fellowship, he fell in love with a little girl in his care. She had a major heart defect and her pre-adoptive parents had backed out. Her biological mom had decided not to treat and Dan was left with the task of stopping her treatment. He couldn’t do it. That is the kind of man he is. I love that about him. I will forever remember his call and how my heart felt when he said he had bought this baby some booties and stuffed animals because her little bed looked so bare. Little did we know where this journey would lead.
Sixteen years later and she is a thriving healthy teenager.
A few years later, we added Gracie. Our family was complete or so we thought.
One of my favorite family pictures!
People often talk about reluctant husbands in the adoption world. In our family, I was the reluctant one. I was the one dragging my feet because I was unsure about adopting at the age of 45. Dan felt like we needed to do something about the orphan crisis. He never pressured. He just prayed. He knew if it was truly what God wanted I would agree to it.
When we set off on this journey, we thought we would adopt two. We never intended to adopt eight in three years. We were just following God’s lead. We’ve learned in our marriage that God’s plan is always best. Even when you are fearful. Even when that first step is so scary. Even when you can’t possibly see how it could work. It is always best to follow God’s lead.
Our children have instantly known that they were safe. It’s my favorite thing about the day when we first met them. Every one of our children has gone to him. Ben grabbed on and never let go. Ben’s first word was daddy.
Ben and daddy
Dan gets down to their level and they know it’s going to be ok.
Our children have a safe shoulder to lie on…
Someone who will be there with them no matter what…
Someone to be silly with…
Strong arms to keep them safe…
A lap that will hold one or two…
or more…
Someone to celebrate the big moments…
and little moments with…
A hand to hold…
Someone to help you when you can’t quite reach…
We’ve been through a lot together. Dan is not just my husband. He is my best friend. Many would consider the life we have lived as hard or unlucky but we both know we are blessed. Blessed to have met so young. Blessed to have so many little blessings that we get to wake up to each day. Blessed to have a child who waits for us on the other side. Blessed to have the hope of forever. Blessed to have had 30 years.
It is Dan who has taught me the life lessons that have helped me most.
When I was young and hurting and afraid to trust. It was Dan who reminded me that I have the choice to wake up every morning expecting bad things to happen or to trust in his love. Those words allowed me to trust God and God’s love for me. It was Dan who showed me what a true relationship with Christ is. It was Dan who taught me that life is all about perspective. I can decide to be grateful or I can be bitter and angry and never appreciate anything.
We chose to date when we were young. We chose to stay together when things were tough. The death of a child is hard on many marriages.
We sealed the deal in China when we put our names on our lock on the great wall. (The idea is that you have to break the lock to end your relationship and China is a long ways away.)
Every day I get to see Dan in action. He loves his children. He would do anything for his children. He keeps them safe and provides for them. He isn’t perfect, none of us are, but his heart is always in the right place.
I am blessed to have walked this journey with this man. Our family has changed a lot in the last three years. Not many men would sign up for this, but I am blessed that Dan knows what is truly important. He knows that life isn’t about the things you can acquire. It’s about figuring out the plan God has for you and using your gifts to the best of your abilities. Time and time again Dan has followed God’s lead where others would never go. He has said “why not?” even when he had hundreds of reasons to say no and my life has been forever blessed by those words.
Happy Father’s Day Dan! We all love you so much!
