Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
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So Many Thoughts
I’m going to give writing a blog post on my phone a try. At the rate this is going with all my typing errors, you can look for this post sometime mid-June.
This adoption trip has been interesting and one might say almost fun. It’s been the most vacation-like of any of our our trips. The first trip in 2012, was so nerve wracking, mainly because we had no clue what we were doing. Plus, Dan got food poisoning on that trip so we didn’t do a lot of sightseeing. We just hunkered down in the hotel room.
The second trip, when we adopted four at once and three were much sicker than we thought, was a strap yourself in for the ride and hope you get home safe, kind of a trip. Plus, whenever we went out people were beyond unkind to Jasmine. They yelled things at her, they spit at her, and everytime we went out we had to form a circle of protection around her to keep people away. Even going to the buffet was a nightmare. We had very nice servers who would save her a spot behind a wall so that no one could see or her yell things at her while she ate. Her province was the worst for this type of behavior. It got a little better once we got to the China Hotel in Guangzhou where there were lots of adoptive families but it still wasn’t good when we ventured outside the hotel.
Elyse and Max’s trip was fairly simple except that Max had no idea how to NOT get into everything and Elyse spent most of the first part of her trip trying to figure out how to call her foster grandma. In a room with many breakables and buttons to push, Max didn’t make it very relaxing. It’s hard to toddler proof a room when your toddler is 6. Plus, Dan wasn’t able to travel with me that trip.
This trip, Mr. Charming readily accepted us as his parents after his foster mama told him goodbye and to go and be happy. He ran to us saying mama and baba and has had very few tears during this trip. He adores his baba and has said the word “baba” (daddy) at least a 1,000 times. He’s only cried when we went back to offices to do paperwork. We were told by his teacher that he is fearful of being taken back because his friend was disrupted and he also cried when I held a baby at one of LWB’s healing homes.
Dan and I are on LWB’s board of directors and we were so happy to see the healing homes in action. I had my heart stolen by quite a few of those sweet babies and especially sweet little Christine! I was so happy to hear that she has a family in progress. I can’t say enough good things about the nannies in these homes.
All in all William has done extremely well. He smiles most of the time. He says “thank you and hello and good morning” to almost everyone he meets. He says it in both English and Chinese. He is sweet and sensitive and a great little boy. The fact that he has waited almost 6 years to be adopted blows my mind. He is so smart and cute and so able to do anything he puts his mind to. He already knows all his siblings names (no small feat), has learned many English words and corrected my Chinese, and says he wants to be a doctor. I can’t help but have my heart hurt for his bio parents who let him go, probably to get him the medical care he needed. It seems so unfair that I get to have this treasure as a son and they can not.
Jessica has been a bit of a different story. Our little girl has obviously been hurt. She does not like adults and especially men. She had spent time in the hospital alone. She’s been through surgery alone. She’s been isolated away from the other kids in the orphanage. She came to me and let me hold her but it was more like she had no choice than she wanted to. It’s going to take a lot of time to heal her heart and calm her fears.
That being said, by the time we went to the orphanage for a visit four days after we had met her she wouldn’t go to anyone there. She was upset when I had to hand her off to have her foley cath changed. She came back to me and there was a disagreement between the orphanage staff and Dan. They had the right size foley but the wrong size connecting tubing. They wanted us to hand her to the physician who wanted to take her to the hospital to get the right tubing. He said he would be back in an hour. Dan, who is a physician, said it made no sense because it didn’t matter that the tubing was a smidge bigger and he wouldn’t allow it. They disagreed and were completely disgusted with us for refusing. Dan was not about to allow anyone to take our girl again. I do not believe we will be welcomed back there any time soon.
By the time we went to meet the director before leaving the building, she was so quiet. They asked her to lunch about 10 times. They tried hard to talk her into it but she kept refusing. We left the decision up to her and by the time she got to the van she was worn out emotionally. She laid her little head on my chest and fell asleep. It was a turning point and a step in the right direction because she knew she has a voice with us and we would protect her.
We’ve slowly made progress with her. She will say “xie xie mama” (thank you mama) to me when I hand her items and when I say “wo ai ni” (I love you) she shakes her head yes now. When I pick her up first thing in the morning she forgets to be afraid and lays her little head on my shoulder and hugs me. Then it’s almost like she remembers she is suppose to be afraid and lifts up her little head. But it’s those moments when I know there is hope.
She’s amazing with Liam (William) though. She is the big sister even though he outweighs her by a good 15 pounds. She talks to him non-stop. They laugh and giggle and play all day long. They are already true siblings and we’ve caught them doing the “don’t copy me” game which seems to be universal. It was pretty funny. He kisses her and she pats his hands. She encourages him and tells him to finish his dinner and to throw away his papers. Liam has been good for her. God knew what He was doing. This trip would have been much harder for Little Miss had she been adopted alone.
Seeing her with Liam (William) lets me know that she will be fine with the kiddos. She likes kids. She loves to mother Liam. She will be loved and will fit in just fine. I have no concerns about that.
We head home Friday and I can’t wait. I miss my babies so much. I am so thankful for technology. Skype, Whatsap, and FaceTime have saved the day!
I will warn anyone and everyone to be prepared to have your socks charmed off by the little guy. He’s so easy to love, everyone comments on it. They also can’t believe we’ve only had him with us for 2 weeks.
My other warning is for adults with regard to Jessica. Please give JJ her space. Don’t try to pick her up, even though she’s little and cute. Don’t get upset when she won’t talk to you or look you in the eye. It’s not personal. Right now she needs time to know that adults are ok. She needs to feel safe and protected and we are going to insure that she has that.
I’m happy we were called to adopt again. These two precious souls are amazing and I am feeling overwhelmed by this gift that I don’t deserve. Blessings beyond measure for being obedient to the call. The sheer thought of this brings me to my knees.
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ONE MORE DAY!!!!!
As we get ready to leave, I am thinking and feeling many things. I am nervous to meet our new children. William has known for a little bit that we are coming so hopefully he will be a little prepared. I am not so sure with Jessica. I have heard that her orphanage often doesn’t tell them until the day they leave for the Registration Office. Hopefully, with all the mamas that have been taking her picture for her new parents, she understands what is happening. Friends of ours e-mailed our family picture to the orphanage so hopefully she knows what we look like too.
I love the new pictures we got of Jessica.
These children are so brave. They will leave everything they have ever known and trust us to take care of them. Can you imagine leaving with people who look different than you, who speak a different language, and trying to make sense of it all? Every time it has been different. Mostly it has gone well and for that we are thankful. We have been amazed at how quickly they have come to us and settled in. There are a whole lot of reasons for this and some of those reasons break my heart but I am happy they feel safe with Dan and I.
It is really hard to show up at that Registration Office and meet your new child, who you have loved for months and months, but they don’t know you and they might not necessarily like you. That is to be expected. They don’t know you. It’s hard to put yourself on the line and put your feelings aside. It’s hard not to take things personally. You are tired and nervous and anxious and so many other emotions. You’ve traveled 15 hours in a cramped plane. You’ve waited so long and it’s almost here. You haven’t slept well. The day when you meet is emotionally draining. It’s a hard day on everyone’s hearts. It starts early in the morning as you wait to go. By the time you get to the office you are a bundle of nerves. You don’t want to scare them but you want to hold them and let them know how much you love them. To this day I can not watch videos of those meetings without crying. It takes me right back to that moment.
I was thinking about all the emotions I have been feeling and thought it would be fun to find out how the kids are feeling. I asked them one simple question. As mommy and daddy get ready to leave to get Jessica and William, how are you feeling.
CASSIE – I’m just hoping everyone stays in one piece while you are gone. I can’t wait to see the little guys!
HOPE – Help me! Hurry home!
JASMINE – I feel so happy that you are going to get my sister and brother but I feel sad because I will miss mommy and daddy. I’m so excited to finally see them.
GRACIE – Ahhhhhhh….. I’m so happy that you are going to get my sister and my brother. I want Jessica and William to be happy and know that their family loves them.
ELYSE – I feel so good that you are getting Jessica and William. I’m a little bit stressed because I just want mama and daddy to come home. I hope that William and Jessica like us. Thank you so much for getting my sister and brother.
BENJAMIN – So excited to get William and Jessica. I’m really happy because you are going to be home as quick as soon. Everybody loves William and Jessica.
Max – (thumbs up)
MAISEY – I’m so excited. I will miss you.
EVIE – Sad because I will miss mommy and daddy. I so excited to get them. They are going to play with me!
ELI – I want you to get my buddy William. I want to play with Jessica even though she not a boy. I miss you.
I think the consensus is we are supposed to hurry home! I couldn’t agree more. I just want to have us all together under one roof.
Remember if you are on Facebook you can follow along on our family page, Seriously Bless by Adoption!
Please pray for their little hearts as they adjust to their new lives.
We will be updating soon.
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Why Our Large Family is NOT Our Own Little Orphanage
I have heard the comment “Wow! You are starting your own little orphanage/group home” more times than I care to count. I’m still surprised people can think this, let alone even say it out loud. Maybe they are just trying to be funny. Maybe they are just saying the first words that pop into their heads. I’m not sure, but what I do know is that we aren’t the only family hearing these words. Many other mamas have stated the same thing. I have to chalk it up to someone not having a clue what life in an institution is truly like because if they had ever stepped a foot into an orphanage then they couldn’t say those words and be serious.
I have had people tell me that they can’t even handle their two children so how can we possibly do this? I have heard that there is no way I can have enough time for all of my children. I have heard there is no way I can give them the care they each need. It’s not like I close my ears to the negative or that I haven’t asked myself the same questions. I’m not delusional nor do I believe that I am superwoman. I do, however, know where my strength comes from and I truly believe most people could do more. I choose to try to be selfless not because I’m a martyr but because I truly LOVE my life. I am blessed!!! Those aren’t just words I utter because I want to somehow sound good to others.
Can life be hard? Absolutely! Can it seem overwhelming? Yep! Is it hard on your heart somedays? Yes! Trauma is not a pretty thing. What it does to little hearts is hard to take somedays. Adoption isn’t a walk in the park. If you think it’s gonna be a breeze and you will have no issues because your little one was adopted early, then you will have a rude awakening.
Institutional life is hard on a child. They are limited in food. The fact that they live in a facility means that their lives started by loss. They aren’t taught the basic life lessons we teach our child. They are left to raise themselves. They get very little one on one time and they have no sense of family or belonging and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
As we prepare to leave to adopt Jessica and William in 15 days, the middles won’t let the topic of adopting again drop. I laugh and tell them that we haven’t even adopted these two yet.
We don’t have a clue what it is going to be like when we get home. We don’t know just how sick Jessica is. It’s scary waiting, knowing that something as simple as a UTI could lead to sepsis and death for her.
But the girls talk about all the children who wait. The girls pray for the children ready to age out and cry tears knowing what this means for this child. It’s one thing to be an able bodied child left to fend for yourself, if you have a disability, your future is so uncertain. I could not let them see the advocacy sites and not let them know of the children who need prayer BUT I won’t. Too many people pretend it isn’t happening. Too many people go about their days without giving the orphan crisis a thought. Too many people say it’s just too hard on their hearts. I won’t be the one to tell my girls that this burden they feel isn’t worth their time.
These girls dream of a day when Jasmine’s Dream comes true – “A family for every child.”
I will continue to pray with the girls and have big, ugly cryfests with them. I will continue to post and share posts of others. We will donate when we can. We will encourage those who are adopting. We will be the hands and feet of Christ in as many ways as we can because we know just how important it is. We will help families stay together when possible and we will advocate for those who long for a forever family.
Elyse dreams of building a castle where we have a 100 bedrooms. She talks of all the children feeling loved and cared for. When I say, “Adopting 100 children would mean less time for each child.” She reminds me that having a family is a beautiful thing and knowing you belong and have some where to call home is priceless. She then says, “How about 20 then?” Although she tells me that I could love 100 children or more and this fact is true, there is no limit on how many children your heart can love.
She drew me this picture at her last doctor’s appointment.
I would think that if our children felt that our family was too big, they wouldn’t talk so much of adopting again. They love their siblings and they know how important family is. They eagerly wait for the day William and Jessica will be home. They talk about all the things they will do with them, where they will sleep, how they can figure out what their favorite foods are.
After talking with Elyse and Jasmine on numerous occasions, we decided to make a list of how family is not like an orphanage. Here are a few of the reasons we came up with that our large family is NOT like our own little orphanage.
1. Our children will never go to bed without being tucked in and told how much they are loved.
2. Our children will never spend a day hungry.
3. Our children will spend their days getting hugged, kissed, and told over and over again how much we love them.
4. Our children’s last name will not mean orphan or tell which orphanage they are from.
5. Our children will always have a place to call home and family to come home to.
6. Our children will get the medical and dental care that they so desperately need.
7. Our children will not be defined by their disabilities, feel less than, nor will they be made fun of for having a disability.
8. Our children will be helped to be the best them they can be. We will support them and encourage them in every way possible.
9. Our children will be allowed the privilege of going to school.
10. Our children will never hear the words worthless or unadoptable again.
11. Our children will have someone to run to for comfort when they are feeling physical or emotional pain.
12. Our children will know that they are loved, cherished, wanted, and part of our family FOREVER!
Family is a beautiful thing. May we never take that for granted. May we continue to remember and pray for those who want nothing more than a family to call their own.
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Elyse asks, “Do You Know the Love of Jesus Christ?”
Up again with Lainey at 4 a.m. My clock has been reset from daylight savings time, but Lainey’s has definitely not. I have been looking through my drafts on my blog – 15 half written posts, including our homecoming post from our last adoption, which just happens to have been one year ago. 15! So why am I taking the time to start another one? Because I believe Elyse’s question deserves a blog all it’s own.
Yesterday my brother brought my grandma down to visit. Elyse has seen my grandma one other time in the year she has been home. While Elyse was talking to my grandma and Tracy, she asked them, “Do you know the love of Jesus Christ?”. They stared at her and I clarified that she did indeed ask them what they thought she said. They answered in the affirmative and Elyse was so very happy.
It wasn’t that long ago that Elyse asked another adoptive mom if she knew the love of Jesus Christ and if she loved children. On our way home, Elyse informed me that I could indeed be friends with this mama since she loved children and Jesus.
I’m never quite sure what to say to Elyse when she does this. She does this fairly often with strangers. I always get uncomfortable and flustered. I was raised in a quiet church. No one prayed out loud. No one asked others about their beliefs. We sent missionaries out into the world but nothing was said close to home. We didn’t ask our family about it. You were quiet and private about your life with God and your prayers. It’s just the way it was.
Many may have already heard this story but I will do a shortened version again for those of you who may not have heard. One day I was sitting on a bench at the Iowa State Fair and a stranger started talking to me. I can’t remember what we were waiting on but I had been there a while and we discussed many things. She asked me about my family. I said I have 5 children and mentioned their names, including Hope’s. She proceeded to tell me that she loved the name Hope and told me about a little girl that her church had been praying for and the miraculous story about her life. This random stranger told me all about MY Hope.
It was then that I realized God’s story was being told whether I was saying anything or not. I never talked about Hope’s life because I didn’t want people to think that I was tooting my own horn. We were blessed by having her in our life. We weren’t saviors. We were just two people who had decided to be obedient to God’s call and were blessed to be a part of her story.
I did realize in that moment though that even though I was refusing to tell of God’s miracle, His story about Hope was still being told. It just wasn’t me doing the telling and I was the one who had seen it first hand. How could I not share this miracle that we were allowed to be a part of? So many things had to line up for her to be in the NICU at the same time that Dan was, I still stand in awe of what occurred and it’s been 16 years.
The above story was what lead Dan and I to decide to share our adoption story. We prayed about it for quite a while. We knew it would be hard for us to talk publicly about it, but that adoption stories needed to be told. People need to see that yes it is hard but it is such a blessing too. Dan is a pretty private guy so this decision truly was a hard one. I’m a talker but I talk about fluff. I am not able to stand in a group and gush about God’s glorious provisions. We knew what being public meant, that it was opening ourselves up to criticism and scrutiny, but we felt it was worth it if we could make adoption not seem so scary and help another child get adopted.
Dan and I knew we were being blessed by being obedient. We had no clue all of the wonderful miracles that would happen along the way. The past 4 years have blown me away. God has shown up time and time again. I am so totally undeserving and yet have been blessed just by uttering a “yes”.
So this begs the question, “Why wouldn’t I want to ask everyone I know if they too know the love of Jesus Christ?” When God has done so much in my life, why would I not want to share? God is such an important part of my everyday life why do I still get so flustered? I don’t know. I guess I will blame it on all those years of being trained to be quiet as a child.
I love that Elyse is not afraid to ask. I love that she wants you to feel the same joy she has. Elyse is so sure of God’s love. She is a very smart little girl and has embraced God having a plan for her life. She understands that God didn’t intend for her to lose her first family or for the bad things that happened. She understands man has free will and can choose what he does. She does see the good in Dan and I being obedient and saying “yes” when we saw her picture. She prays for all the other children who wait. Elyse firmly believes those children wait just because someone else hasn’t uttered their “yes”. I am so very happy that we said “Yes” when we saw this picture.
So if you one day meet Elyse don’t be surprised if you hear these words, “Do you know the love of Jesus Christ?” I will be standing there with a smile on my face wishing I could have the same child-like love for a God that deserves me standing on the corner shouting for all the world to hear….
“Do you know the love of Jesus Christ?”
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
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LOVE in AcTioN!!!!
I have noticed over the years that my feelings toward Christmas have changed. Obviously when you are a child it is all about the presents. You can’t wait to wake up on Christmas morning to see what is under the tree. As you get older it changes, some of the excitement of the season seems to be lost. You head into your twenties and it’s much the same. You get married, have children, and some of the joy comes back. You look forward to their anticipation of those early mornings when they are so excited to see what is under the tree.
As we started our adoptions, my feelings changed even more. Our journey with Christ had become so much more meaningful and Christmas became about so much more than gifts given to others on the day of Christ’s birth.
We went a little crazy that first Christmas after adopting Ben and Maisey and then again when we adopted Lainey, Jasmine, Evie and Eli. We were trying to make up for Christmas’ missed. It was eye opening when our newly adopted kids were clearly overwhelmed by the toys. They were more interested in the food, the pretty lights, decorating the tree, and being with family. I started to think about why we shop and spend so much. Does anyone even remember it a few months down the road?
This year, I have cut way back on the decorations. I have hung pretty lights because the kids love them. I got rid of my tree with all the perfectly matched ornaments and just put up the kids tree with its ornaments strewn every where. I let them play with the ornaments. I let them mess with the branches. I didn’t put out my nativity set that is breakable. I donated many of the items I once held so dear.
We asked our middle girls what they want for Christmas. Their answer? Their brother and sister home. That’s it. They don’t want us to spend money on them. They just want Jessica and William home. When we got our LOA (letter of acceptance) they were ecstatic and said it was the best Christmas present ever.
We have cut way back on gifts for the littles too. When you buy so many toys, your house can get easily overrun. I realized this even more, a couple months ago, when I hit my limit and bagged up all their toys. I put the toys up and told them they had to show they were responsible to get them back. I told them I was tired of constantly asking them to pick them up .
They got to pick one toy back each day. As long as they put it away where it went, they would get another one the next day. After the third day, they didn’t care anymore. They each picked a hotwheel car to play with on their track, their Paw Patrol pet and one other random toy that had meaning for them. That is all they wanted. It’s all they truly needed. I noticed their free play time went way up. They were able to run more because the floor wasn’t covered in little toys. It had only been a week and they couldn’t remember what was in the bag anymore. What an eye-opening moment.
For Christmas they are going to get one big toy for the boys to share and one for the girls to share. We have implemented the one thing you want, one thing you need, one thing to wear, and one thing to read. They’ll get p.j.’s (what they need), they will get a personalized t-shirt this year (something to wear), a book (something to read), and the one big “want” item to be shared by all.
They look forward to the traditions we have started. Breakfast for supper on Christmas Eve, in our new p.j.’s, watching a Christmas movie. We have a personalized shoe box that they open on Christmas Eve that holds their p.j.s, and some treats to enjoy during the movie. These are the things they are going to remember. They may or may not remember what toys we bought, but they will remember these times spent together as a family.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this this year because so many people have asked me “Are you done with your Christmas shopping yet? I bet it takes forever. Wow! I can’t imagine how many presents you have bought.” When I tell them I am done with presents because we keep it very simple, they think it isn’t possible. The reality is that these past two years have been the easiest shopping years ever. We truly have simplified. We don’t worry about the biggest, newest gadgets and out doing anyone else. We are keeping it simple and that in turn keeps our minds where they should be – on Christ!
Give more of yourself this Christmas. People would rather have your time than a gift. Just ask your mama. She doesn’t need a new coffee pot or the newest gadget, she wants time with you. This is why I love the phrase that Love Without Boundaries has implemented this holiday season “Love in Action”.
I tell my children this all the time. Love is a verb. Love requires doing. Words are cheap. Your actions speak louder than words. What are your actions saying about what you love and value at Christmas?
Help an orphan in need.
Take a meal to a neighbor.
Purchase a gift from an Angel tree or for Toys for Tots.
Spend time with someone who feels alone.
Serve a meal at a local mission.
Support a family that is adopting or fostering.
Shop for someone who is shut in.
Brighten someone else’s day.
The list of verbs is endless.
Give of yourself.
Find the true meaning of Christmas.
From our family to yours – Merry Christmas!
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Wish Me Luck
One of the fun things you get to do, as a family that is waiting, is send care packages to your child. After a certain time in the process, your agency will allow you to do this. The agency will send you the address and you are allowed to send small toys, clothes, and other items. We have always enjoyed doing this, spending time shopping for just the right gifts to hopefully show we care. We love trying to guess what their personality is like and find just the right gift.
The problem is that none of our children, except Jasmine and Maisey, have received their gifts. I have no idea why they never received them. They may have been lost in the mail or customs or maybe someone took them. I don’t know but it is frustrating just the same. Jasmine was the only child who came with any of the stuff we gave her. We received Maisey’s disposable camera 2 1/2 years later from Show Hope when they found it at the orphanage in a drawer. We had no indication that Maisey had received anything else from us.Its frustrating because you send pictures and letters. You want them to know your family and be prepared, at least a little, when they meet you. You take the time to pick out those special gifts and hope that they feel the love you are sending.
Today Jasmine mentioned the letter than Dan had sent her. She was talking about how much it meant to know that her daddy loved her and thought she was beautiful. (Jasmine’s Letter)She said she reread that letter over and over again as she waited for us. Elyse said it must have been nice to get a letter like that. It was then that I realized Elyse never got our care package. We had sent her jewelry, hair accessories, clothes, toys, and tons of pictures and letters from everyone.I never even thought about it when we met her because Elyse did come with her locket and some of our family pictures. That locket and those pictures were hand delivered by another adoptive mama who had just adopted her daughter. I am thankful that there are other adoptive parents who are willing to ask for and carry items to the children who are still waiting. Thank you Krista for doing that for us. If you are adoptive parents who will travel soon, put the message out in the families of _____ orphanage Facebook groups. I’m positive other parents will appreciate it too.Luckily, Dan had typed the letter and it was still saved on his computer. Today his little girl got to read how much her daddy loved her before he even met her. He told of falling in love with her sweet face when he saw her picture for the first time. He told her how much he loved hearing her sing and how he couldn’t wait to get her home to be his daughter forever. She cried reading these words. Her foster father didn’t treat her well. She thought she deserved this kind of treatment until she met Dan. She had no idea that she should be adored and loved just for who she is. She couldn’t grasp the unconditional love of a father when we adopted her. Elyse knows what that means now and this letter is just one more thing that proves she has always had worth and she will always be loved.I have heard that the orphanage that Jessica is in is hit or miss with packages. Some people have said their child came with pictures and their items and others have said that their child said they never, ever received the package. It’s so frustrating because I would love for her to know we care about her. I would love for her to know what we look like and be prepared for her new family.
I wish I knew the rhyme or reason behind why some get them and some don’t. I know there are orphanages who wait until right before the child is adopted because they have been burned before by a family backing out. I can’t imagine what that would do to a child’s heart. How horrible to wait for that forever family you heard you had, who never, ever showed up for you. So I can understand the orphanage wanting to be careful. I can understand somethings getting lost in the mail, but 6 out of 8 packages never making it are pretty bad odds.I think I may just take the chance that our children will get their packages. I will pray that if they don’t get them, then the person who does get them feels all the love that went into the package and will have their lives changed by it.Wish us luck. Maybe say a prayer or two that our newest family members actually do get their gifts so they know that they are loved and have a forever family that will be there soon. -
Jasmine’s Blog – We Can Adopt Again
One day mama show me and Gracie and Elyse the photo of a kid in a wheelchair. Her name is Belinda. She is very cute!
She has kidney issues like Gracie has. Her legs don’t work like Elyse’s. She has a curve in her back like me. We ask mama if we can adopt her but mama say no!
Mama say we are not adopt any more. We ask mama “Why?”. Mama say, “We have a lot of kids.”
We keep asking mama we can adopt one more. Just one more time! But mama say, “No!”. Daddy say, “No!”. I ask mama can we try adopt her please, please, please, please mama?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I say, “I don’t care if China say yes just can we try?”
Mama said, “No. We not adopt. You can talk about her on your page.” My friend, Alice’s, friend just got adopted. Alice talk about her and I talk about her and she find her family. She almost 14 on October 14. Mama say we can do the same for Belinda.
One day mama show me the video about Belinda. She is very pretty and very cute and she very pretty and she also very sad. She want a family!!!! 🙂
I tell mama we have to adopt her or find her family. Mama say ok. Later we see on Facebook that she have a family. I say ok and Elyse say ok and Gracie just cry. We all upset because we think that God told us she is our sister, but now another family will go get her. Gracie cry all night and Elyse so so sad. I am very sad too cause she is my sister.
We are sad all day long but we try to be happy for her because she has a family. The next day daddy say he can find who her family is so we can watch her get adopted. That day Jan came to update our home study. She has to do this after we are adopted for China.
That night daddy said, “Sit down on the couch so I can show you the picture of Belinda’s family.” Daddy showed us our family and says we are going to adopt her. He says her name is going to be Jessica.
We are so really, really happy that we can adopt her but Elyse keep saying that daddy and mama are lying. It take Elyse a long time to believe it but then she is so happy.
Every day we pray that Jessica can come to America very fast because she is very sick. We got a message that she was in the hospital for 23 days. She is very little. She is almost 8 and they say 24 pounds. That is pretty little. We want her to come see doctors and get better. Mama try to do the paperwork really fast so mama and daddy can go get her.
We really love our new sister. We tell daddy one is okay. Elyse say 3 would be good but she ok with one right now. We adopt one more time.
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I Was Content… (Here’s our secret!)
I was content with our decision to adopt only one child this trip. Cassie and I even joked about how we would have had pretty much every possible combination on our trips to China and would be able to compare them all. We didn’t want to do anything to slow down the process with Jessica because she needs to get home and have her kidneys evaluated as quickly as possible. We were at peace. We were content. I prayed that if God had different plans that He would make them abundantly clear to my husband because I was not going to look and I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up. But just in case, because I know His plan isn’t always the one I am making, I had our home study state two. Our agency and our social worker were both on board with this plan and we were proceeding with a reuse of our dossier.
Reusing your dossier doesn’t save you a ton of time but it does allow you to only update three of your documents for your dossier. Your 1-800a, your home study, and your Adoption Petition. Home studies take weeks no matter what you do because you have to get a new physical with your physician for all family members (and in our family that is a couple of people), update your local criminal background checks, do your fingerprints for the FBI to do your background check, and get your child abuse clearance. There are ways to speed the process up by using agencies such as FBI Alert to do your background check. You can walk into your local DCI office and get your local background check quickly but child abuse clearances always take time.
But then the most amazing thing happened.
Here is the back story that I have shared with a few of our friends.
About 4 months ago, Ben said he had a dream about his brother in China who is 5. He asked when I was going to go get him. I laughed. I showed him a bunch of pictures on the advocacy site and he said no about 20 times to a whole bunch of little boy’s pictures between the ages of 4 and 7. Ben’s mentioned it in passing a couple of times during the past couple of months, but I sort of brushed him off and figured he would forget it. Every once in a while I would show him a picture of a boy about that age who was being advocated for but he has always said “Nope, that’s not my brother.” I let it drop because WE WERE NEVER ADOPTING AGAIN so I never even told Dan about the dream or about showing Ben little boy’s pictures!
Ever since the decision to adopt Jessica, Ben hasn’t said anything about it. I figured he was just happy we were adopting or it was just a weird thing and didn’t give it much more thought. Then Dan saw William’s post by Brooke on a China waiting child advocacy site. Dan rarely looks at kids. We have often talked about me removing myself from these groups because he knows how much it breaks my heart.
Dan has said over and over again that if we could find a way to do it he would adopt a child a year until they told us we couldn’t any more, but we both know there is a point where we have to say no. We both felt that 11 children at home was a good number. Our life was beginning to come together and feel normal again. We sincerely thought we were done adopting.
As I was driving Maisey and Max to the doctor for their pre-op appointment, Dan called and asked me to look at this little boy’s pictures. He says he just saw his face and he can’t explain how he feels. He asks if I will take a minute and look at his videos. I jokingly ask if this little boy is 5 and Dan says yes. He later told me that he thought this was the strangest question. We get out of the car at the rest stop and just for the heck of it I show Ben the picture and he screams, “Yes! that is my brother. How did you find him?”
That is how this whole thing started. We read about this little boy who is with another agency and we feel compelled to ask about him. We reach out to Brooke and she tells us who to get in touch with at the agency. We write an e-mail to Sara and tell her how we feel about this little boy. Sara tells us that there are families looking at his file and his file is on hold. She goes on to say that their agency will have his file until mid December, she will notate we are interested in him, and we should feel free to contact them after that date.
We proceeded with our 1-800a and were waiting for fingerprints. As luck would have it we got our notification for our fingerprint date, the day Dan had left for days on for a conference in Vegas. We would not be able to walk in for our fingerprints because Dan would have to wait anyway.
When he got home he said, “I am confident that this is our son. I want to write another letter to the agency. I have never felt such peace about any child.” Their families that had put William’s file on hold turned his file down and he was now available. The agency was advocating for a family for him and we asked that they would consider transferring the file. Praise be to God, the agreed to transfer. They asked our social worker and our agency to confirm that we would indeed proceed with his adoption and that we were approved to proceed and they worked together to get the CCCWA to approve the transfer.
Judy at our agency told me that had we been locked in with our reuse that we would not have been able to lock in William’s file until we traveled to bring our other child home. Delays that were driving me crazy meant that we could just do our dossier over and not add any time to the process. All of this was possible because while we were waiting for our 1-800a approval and waiting to hear from the other agency, I was busy collecting all the papers for a new dossier….just in case we got William’s file on the 15th.
The day we received our 1-800a notification, I also received my very last paper for our dossier. I took them all to have them sealed right away at the Secretary of State and immediately sent it out to the courier. I can hardly stand it. God is so good. He knows the smallest details and works them out. I stand in amazement every time we adopt.
We now have PA (preapproval from China) for a second child. I’m assuming you would like to see his sweet little face too.
Doesn’t his smile just melt your heart? He is described as “sweet and helpful”. His files says he likes to help the younger kids and plays well with others.
Oh and did I happen to mention that awhile ago Dan had mentioned that he always regretted not naming a child after his grandpa, Bill, who had a huge influence on Dan as he was growing up. You guessed it. The little boy who was advocated for as “William” on the advocacy site will now be named William Alexander.
We are blessed!
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Why?
Those were the words I heard from the clerk at Casey’s yesterday. It was ironic considering I had been pondering all day what I should say in church tomorrow. I had asked Pastor John if I could have a moment to talk about “why” we adopted. The irony wasn’t lost on me as I left the store and walked back to the bus. The conversation went something like this:
Clerk – “Is that your bus? Are you going on vacation?”
Me – “Nope! That is our family car.”
Clerk – “Why?”
Me – “Because we have 14 children. Three who are in wheelchairs.”
Clerk – “Why would you have 14 children? Are they all yours?”
Me – “Because I love children. Because these children need a home. Because I have always wanted a big family. Yes, they are ALL mine, but we’ve adopted 9 of them.”
Gracie (said with such happiness) – “And we are adopting again!!!!!”
Clerk – “Why would you do that?”
Me – “Because we have been so blessed by our previous adoptions.”
Clerk – “I still don’t get it.”
Pastor had mentioned before that everyone loves the kids and they are happy we adopted them but they don’t understand why we adopted so many. I started to think about all the “whys” I have heard over the years.
Why adopt special needs children?
Why China?
Why adopt so many?
I have to admit those questions are confusing to me. Our children were living in an institution. They have medical needs that weren’t being met. For six of my children, they would have died as children had no one stepped up. No one should die alone. Every child needs a family. No one should grow up without someone who loves them and guides them and makes them feel safe.
The clerk got me to thinking about how many people still don’t get it. How many people read our blog and see our Facebook pages and still don’t get it. I will admit it is hard for me because I wonder how can they know these things and still ask why? How can they look at our children’s sweet faces and wonder why? Then I began to think maybe our church and others don’t know what it is like to be an orphan. Maybe they don’t understand our children’s backgrounds. Maybe they don’t understand just how few children get adopted.
So in honor of National Adoption month, I will speak in church today and I will answer any questions they ask and I will answer any questions you ask too (just comment below). I pray that God gives me the words to open hearts so they can understand. I pray that they would support others who adopt. That they would encourage others to adopt. That they would do what they can to help families stay together. I pray that they truly take to heart James 1:27.
In this world we like to pretend others will step up. We say the problem is over there or it’s not our problem. We can not close our eyes and ears to the injustice of the world. We can not pretend that these children will be ok. We are responsible to be the hands and feet of Christ. We must step up. We must do what we can.
Did Dan and I start out with that in mind? Nope. Dan read a book that talked about all the children in the world starving and those in need of a family. This book talks about it in terms of our generations holocaust or slavery issue. The book asks “What will you be able to tell your children about what you did for this crisis?” Dan decided we should adopt. I, however, was unsure.
I was unsure because I was looking at it through earthly glasses. All I could see was what everyone else would say about me being too old. But then God brought these words to me through another book, Choosing to See. The words that rocked me to the core were this “Is it better for an orphan to have an older mother or no mother at all?”.
We set out to adopt one child, Maisey. We were lead to Benjamin and taken on a journey of faith. Would we choose a son who might not live until we got there? Could we open up our hearts to this pain and uncertainty again?
We went to China with no intention of ever going back. We toured. We saw what we could see because this was it and then we stepped foot in an orphanage. Where we were surrounded by little children grabbing at our hands and saying “mama” and “baba”. We saw all these sweet faces who would probably never know the love of family. We saw all the special needs children just waiting for someone to love them and our hearts were broken into a million pieces. How could we not do something more?
I knew when we landed in Des Moines that we would go back. I had no clue about the journey God was about to take us on. Is it normal to add 8 children to your family in 3 years? Probably not. Is it wise when you are older to take in these children? I like to think it is if you have a plan in place.
Dan and I have talked many times about how we will always follow where God leads. We will always listen to him. We have chosen obedience over anything else. I will admit to dragging my feet on this last one. I argued many days and nights with God, but the girls were right. Jessica is our daughter. She is their sister. It would be no different then me packing up Gracie and leaving her half way across the world to fend for herself. Our daughter is there. We must go get her.
Maybe people will never understand that, but I will continue to try. I will continue to try and open eyes to what adoption means. I will continue to share our lives in hopes that others will be encouraged.
Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
I will continue to share our lives because I want people to see our love of God. I want them to see what faith in action means. We don’t have it all together. We rely fully on God’s strength. We step out in faith because we know that is what He calls us to do.
If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:16-17
I would like them to understand because then their hearts will be open to children in need, but the truth is I don’t absolutely need them to understand. In the end it’s between God and our family.
Our family has chosen obedience. We have chosen to take God’s responsibilities to heart.
“Live life, then, with a due sense of responsibility, not as men who do not know the meaning and purpose of life but as those who do.” (Ephesians 5:15 Phillips)
And we have been forever blessed for that obedience. Dan often looks at me and says with such reverence, “How did we get so blessed? Just look at the joy and love on those sweet faces. Why do we get to parent such beautiful souls?”
Now that is a why that I just can’t answer. I will never understand why we have been so blessed but I will never take that fact for granted.
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(Elyse) I Love My Daddy
I come home and daddy said, “I love you!” to me. Daddy met me at the airport and he bought food for me and he loved me. Daddy said, “I am happy you are my daughter.” Daddy buys me special food. Daddy says goodnight every night to me. Daddy calls me WanQiubaca. (WanQiu is pronounced “Wan-Chew”, hence WanChewbaca). Daddy always asks me what I want.
Sometimes when Gracie, Jasmine and me are fighting and daddy get a little bit mad and I know daddy so in love with us because even though we make Codey yell daddy doesn’t hit me or yell or nothing not like China daddy.
I’m so happy he is my daddy. Not like China daddy who not love me. Mama and daddy always say they love me so much and happy you is my daughter. I happy my mama and daddy adopt me.
Daddy and mommy buy me a bed and makeup stuff. I tell mommy and daddy to stop spending money but mommy and daddy say its okay cause I is their daughter.
I am happy mama teaches me school. I am happy daddy is doctor. Daddy really good job being a doctor. Daddy take care of the baby. Mama every day do school with us.
I love daddy very much and daddy love me very much! I happy you’re my daddy!
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