Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
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Which children don’t deserve a family?
While shopping alone at Wal-Mart the other day, the clerk was busy ringing up my items and chatting away. She saw my three big boxes of diapers and asked me if I did foster care. I replied, “No, we have four who are still in diapers at home. We recently adopted six children from China.” To which she replied, “Oh….well, I guess they need families too.” and then there was nothing else said. Just silence. Chatty Kathy just stopped talking. Not even the customary “Thank you for shopping here.” or “Have a nice day!” Nothing!
This is not the first time I have heard these kind of comments. I have even blogged about the interesting questions we have been asked since adopting. (Read here) Even more recently when I was shopping with the five littles, I was asked if I got them in the Made in China clearance aisle. I know most of the time people make comments because they think they are being humorous, they truly are curious or they don’t know what to say so they say the first thing that pops into their head. But the outright indignation over us adopting internationally instead of choosing “one of our own” truly bothers me especially when it is said in front of my children.
We chose China for a lot of reasons. The first being that was where we felt God was leading us. Now if you don’t believe in God, I understand that would be a hard comment to understand, but it is my truth. Yes, I know there are children in need in the United States. At any given time there are more than 250,000 children waiting to be adopted. With that being said, in 2002 the statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services state there were approximately 18.5 million women who considered adoption. (Figures) It seems that number of children could be easily adopted so people with a heart for adoption is not the problem.
So what is? Fear of the unknown? Lack of money? Lack of information? Not knowing where to proceed? Believing that if you don’t step forward someone else will? Only wanting to adopt a healthy newborn? What is the issue with people and not adopting? Why do 18.5 million women think about adopting, only 2.6 million women take concrete steps towards adoption, and then only 614,000 proceed with adoption? From 18.5 million to 614,000 is a large number of women. I wish I had the answer to that, but what I do know is that I don’t take these things lightly. Once your eyes have been opened to the need for parents to step up both domestically and internationally, it’s hard to stay quiet.
I pray someday that there is no reason to even discuss international adoption. I pray that families will be healed. I hope that when parents die there are other family members or friends of the family or church members that step up and take these children in. I pray that countries will be better equipped to help parents who have children with birth defects. I pray there will be no more birth defects. I pray that there would be funding available for surgeries for all those children who are born to parents who can’t afford to get their child surgery.
There are many, many things that could happen to lower the number of orphans in the world. There are many wonderful programs in place that you can support, but even then there are many, many children who will never, ever know the love of a family, through no fault of their own. Amy Eldridge from Love Without Boundaries recently wrote a blog about international adoption. (Read Blog Here) In this blog she talks about how Americans adopted 2% of the children in institutions in China in 2011. Only 2%. I know that there are more domestic adoptions in China, I know there are other countries adopting from China, but that still leaves a huge percentage of children who will never know the love of family.
Because that is true, I will continue to advocate for these children. I will continue to support groups such as New Hope Foundation and Show Hope and Love Without Boundaries. I will do this because these groups helped Lainey, Eli, Maisey and Jasmine. I will do this because I’ve seen the difference made by these organizations and I have first hand knowledge of what it means for a child to be starving for food and love. The world is not perfect and we have to make the best decisions we can based on the information we have. But to say a child doesn’t deserve family because he/she wasn’t born here is a sad statement. To believe that any child doesn’t deserve the love of family is something I can’t even comprehend.
Look at this picture and tell me which child doesn’t deserve the love of a family?
I believe they all deserve the love of a family. I also believe we should take care of our own. The Bible states we are all children of God. There are no distinctions there. Every child needs the love of a family.
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28 Days of Hearts
I am privileged to be able to be part of a wonderful group of families that are sharing their adoption stories of Chinese children with heart defects this month. If you want to have your heart touched, have your faith restored, see wonderful stories of trusting God, and beautiful children, then this is the blog for you.
If you are considering adopting a child, please read these stories and see how these families lives were blessed. I know many of their stories and am honored to be part of this blog. Jamie did a great job putting it together last year (Yes, there are 28 more stories from last year.) and this years is off to an even better start. There are at least two stories of post heart transplant. There are stories of faith in uncertain circumstances. There are many, many stories talking about how blessed the families are to have these children in their lives.
Pull up a chair, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and prepare to have your heart touched. I know mine was during last years and the first 7 days of this year’s blog. Today is my day to share with everyone. I thought I’d share it on my blog too.
May your faith be renewed. May you find purpose in your calling. May you strive to share God’s glory with all those around you no matter what that calling may be. Make 2014 your year to shine for Christ!
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A Little Bit of Everything
My blog about older adopting older children:
A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about adopting the older child. (Beauty Admist the Pain ) I still feel very strongly that people need to step up and help these children. However, after I wrote this blog another article was brought to my attention talking about some of the corruption that is happening with older children’s adoptions. You can read that blog post here. Fraud in Older Adoptions Revealed
I still stand by my words that you need to find out as much information as you can about the child before proceeding. I know of cases that were absolutely devastating to the family, but I also believe that there are children waiting to be adopted that desperately want the love of a family and would be a good fit for some family some where. There are many beautiful older souls languishing in orphanages and the foster care system who are good, wonderful, caring children. I know because I am a mother who is blessed enough to love one.
Family:
The kids are doing well. Lainey has made great progress and has even started saying some words. Evie is walking all over the place. Everyone else has been healthy (knock on wood) and making great progress.
In less than a month’s time starting on Christmas Eve we lost three members of our immediate family. Mom died Christmas Eve with her Celebration Service being on her birthday, January 5th. Her husband and my stepfather, Will, passed away on January 13th with his service being January 18th. Right after the service for Will was over we received notice that my grandfather had had a stroke and was being taken to the hospital. My grandpa, Pop as I called him, passed away on January 20th with his services being held on January 24th. It has been a horrible time for the family. Especially for my grandma who would have celebrated her 73rd wedding anniversary on May 10th. 72 years with a person is a very long time and her heart has been very sad with losing my mom, who was her best friend only a few weeks before her husband. Please keep her in your prayers.
What I’ve learned from all this hardship:
1.) It’s easier to lose someone if they are in poor health and you have time to plan. In the end, it almost seems a blessing. But that is only true if you know that person is a believer. Knowing someone is rejoicing in heaven is a beautiful thing. It’s hard to be sad when you know there will one day be a glorious reunion.
2.) If you aren’t sure if your family member believes, ask them. I always assumed that my stepfather was a believer. He said he went to church when he was younger, but I never had any indepth conversations about it. It just never came up. It was very hard talking to little Gracie after his death. She was so worried about his soul. (Sometimes it is hard to believe Gracie is only 8.) No one wants regrets of being able to save a soul and not having said anything.
3.) It’s good to let your family members know exactly what your wishes are. When they are in a state of shock, it’s helpful to be able to say with certainty that this is what your loved ones wanted. It was easy to plan mom’s service because she had said over and over again what she wanted. It was nice to be able to implement her wishes and celebrate her life.
4.) Don’t be the invisible mom! Make sure you are in pictures with your loved ones, especially your kids. I went through tons of pictures trying to find pictures for the slideshow. I realized I always take the pictures. I am rarely in the pictures. I know my children know I was at their birthday parties and special events, but someday their children may wonder where Grandma was.
5.) Enjoy each and every day. It truly is a gift to live in the present. Don’t assume you have tomorrow. If you have things that need to be said, say them. If you have people you need to forgive, forgive them. If you love someone, make the time for them.
6.) Don’t talk about people unless you were there and can state something is fact. My brother found my stepfather and this has been very hard on him. People in the small towns all have their own ideas about what happened and all the gossip I have been told second and third hand was wrong.
7.) People actually break into people’s homes during their funerals and after their deaths. Yes, there really are people that are that low. Mom’s house was broken into. I am still in shock about that. The sheriff said it often happens. Who knows what was taken? Who knows what they messed with? It made me so angry. Not because of the items that we know were taken, the t.v., dvd player, etc. Just the thought that someone went through her stuff before we had the chance to. It’s just so sad.
8.) Your days are limited. They are numbered. You can pretend all you want but someday you will leave behind the people you love. Make sure they know how much you love them with actions not just words. On your last day, you will take NOTHING with you. Remember that. That job you work so hard at won’t be holding your hand at the end. Your diplomas won’t add another day to your life. Those vacations won’t keep you warm while you lie in your hospice bed. Regrets are a horrible thing. Don’t waste your life. Do something with it and love your family and friends.
9.) I don’t want another year to just pass by. Do you? Why not make 2014 a year to remember? Do something great for the Lord! What is your passion? What is your calling? What can you do? Everyone can do something. Everyone has a passion. Praying you find yours and you make 2014 the year you made a difference.
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The Beauty admist the Pain
But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasure, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. — C.S. Lewis
God’s megaphone has beat me up along side the head and I haven’t a clue what to do about it. My heart hurts. The more time I spend with Jasmine the more my heart hurts for all the children living in orphanages that will age out. Every day someone or some organization posts a picture of a child, a beautiful child, that will age out in months. They are pleading to all their friends to share the pictures. They are hoping and praying that somewhere out there is this child’s forever family. Unfortunately, it seems like most of the time, the world is not listening.
There are so many children that will spend their lives in institutions because no one steps up to take them. So many children who will be released to the street with no family, minimal education, and little or no life skills. Many of these children right here in our own country will turn 18, get a few dollars, and be on their own. These children may need a little bit of help or a lot of help, but one thing is the same for all of them. They are all children with no one to turn to.
I often wonder why aren’t more people stepping up to help? I believe part of the problem is because people are afraid of all the horror stories they have seen in the news. The wonderful stories aren’t making the front page or the evening news. So people believe that the horror stories are the norm. These people are afraid of the disruptions these children will bring to their family. They are afraid of the unknowns. They are afraid of failing or not being enough. I know these feelings. I once was overwhelmed by them. I once closed my eyes to the need because I was fearful.
Because of this fear, Dan and I had chosen not to adopt an older child. We had a long list of reasons why. An older child would be harder to integrate into our family. They posed a bigger risk to the littler kids. An older child would have a harder time with language. They would be harder to bond with. An older child comes with more emotional baggage. An older child could run away. The reasons went on and on and on and on.
BUT we were so wrong. Jasmine is a beautiful soul. I keep waiting for things to change but it hasn’t. Even in times of stress, she is still the same loveable girl. Most of the time Jasmine has a smile on her face. She loves life even though her life hasn’t always been easy. Jasmine has gone through so much. She has started to share things about her childhood that are unbelievably heartbreaking. We know these stories are true because Jasmine has many, many scars to show for it. Jasmine was abandoned when she was eight, when she needed family the most. She spent six years in an orphanage where they weren’t able to move her. She couldn’t go to school because they couldn’t carry her down the flight of stairs to the schoolroom. She spent years sitting in a wheelchair watching others have fun. You would think she would be an angry teenager but she isn’t.
Jasmine may be physically unable to do many things but mentally she is very, very bright. She has picked up on English so quickly. The other day I jokingly told Stephanie that Maisey could do everyone’s make-up for the wedding. Here is a picture of Maisey after she did her own make-up.
The next morning Jasmine asked me, “Mama, you no really mean Maisey can do my make-up for Zachy’s wedding? I no really like that. You being silly right, mama?” That is a pretty good grasp of the English language after only 7 months. Jasmine is bright and funny and all girl. She loves pink and pretty dresses and watching wedding shows. She loves to do her makeup and go shopping.
Jasmine needs surgery to correct the curve in her spine, but Jasmine has chosen not to have surgery until after the wedding. She wants to dress up like a princess and see Zachary get married. After speaking with her doctors, we got the okay to hold off a couple of months so she could wear her dress and participate fully in the wedding.
After we got the okay from the doctors, we took her shopping for the perfect princess dress. It was one of the best days I have ever spent shopping. The joy on her face as she picked out frilly, sparkly, sequined, rhinestoned dresses was priceless. We had tried on a few at the first store and none were to her liking. We headed to Deb’s and picked out six more to try. The first one she didn’t like. The second one was a strapless gown with a rhinestone belt. It was made for Jasmine. Elastic in the back that I can easily take in. No shoulder straps to get in the way. It had a frilly skirt with lots of layers, that lovely rhinestone belt, and glitter that got everywhere. She put in on and smiled so big. She said she felt like a princess. She refused to try on another dress. Watching shy Jasmine become self-assured Jasmine was a wonderful thing. She knew it was the right dress. She not only felt pretty she knew she was pretty. (I promised her I would not share a picture until the wedding day.)
She started talking hairdos with Cassie and what shoes she would wear. Could she take her new hot pink wheelchair? What necklace and bracelet should she wear? She so wants to be just like every other little girl. But she’s not like every other girl and Jasmine knows this. Lately, Jasmine has been asking a lot of hard questions.
Questions like:
“Will someone ever want to marry me mama?”
“Will I ever be able to have babies?”
“Will they let someone like me adopt?”
“Can I go to college with Gracie?”
“Am I pretty?”
“Am I going to get sick?”
“Will I be like nana?”
I tell her what I tell all my children. Only God knows your future. Only God knows the number of your days. Only God knows if you’ll get married. Only God knows how many children you will be blessed with. Only God knows.
Your job is to:
Learn as much as you possibly can.
Be content with what you have.
Trust in God.
Memorize those verses that show God’s promises for the hard times.
Be as kind as you possibly can.
Do the best that you can at what God has called you to do.
Love others.
And leave the rest to God.
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27
Jasmine understands God. I am amazed by that. We’ve had long conversations about Him.
One of the most interesting stories was when we were discussing her being in the orphanage and wanting a family so much. She said she would say over and over again in her head “Please send me a mama and a baba.” She said she would say it quietly in her head many times a day . One day I asked her, “Jasmine who were you talking to when you were pleading for a mama and a baba?” She sat there for a minute and then got all excited and said, “Mama, I was praying to God. I just didn’t know His name yet.”
She is a bright girl. I don’t know what the future holds for her except that she will be loved by many, many people and she will never be alone. Yes, life with Jasmine is hard physically. There are many things that I have to do for her each and every day. Jasmine’s future is uncertain. Things at some point are going to get very, very hard and my heart is going to hurt, BUT the good so outweighs the bad.
I am taking the time to share Jasmine’s story in hope that one person lets go of their fear. One less is a beautiful thing. One more child in a loving home. One more child with a future and a hope. That is what I want you to take away from this. If God’s megaphone is calling you, if He is nudging you along, if you know He is saying, “Look at this older child.” Don’t completely rule it out. Pray and get as much information as you can. Try hosting a child through Project 143 or Rainbow Kids.
Look at children you can get information about domestically and internationally. Love Without Boundaries is a perfect example of an international organization that advocates for older children. That is how we found out about Jasmine, because they were advocating for her on their Facebook page. There are many, many organizations that can give you information from people who have personally met these children. People who have spent time with the children. People who are advocating for these children because they know what special souls they are.
Many of you may have heard the story of Davion, a 16 year old boy who went in front of a church and pleaded for a family. (NY Daily News) His story went nationwide and many people came forward to inquire about adopting him. Many more people started to look into fostering children or adopting older children. If you were moved by his story, don’t let it end there. Look into it. See what you can do. There are many older couples who are choosing to be foster parents instead of settling into a life of quiet retirement. I love reading their stories. (NY Times)
God’s been talking to me through my pain. I know He is asking something of me, I just don’t have it all figured out yet. Step one was to share this information. There is so much beauty admist the pain. Don’t let the pain frighten you away. Let that pain move you to do more, be more, love more. God has big plans for some of you out there I just know it. Praying that He leads you and that your heart is open to listen and that you will respond to His call.
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Thankful for…
A little boy that did better than anyone expected. (Today he has walked down the halls, had his chest tubes and i.v.’s taken out, and even smiled. UNBELIEVABLE!)
A little girl that we were told was deaf but can hear enough to dance to the music.
A little girl who now understands love and has learned how to give kisses.
A little boy that has blossomed and grown.
Exciting proposals and new additions to the family.
Family that becomes best friends.
People coming together to help others.
Shaved little heads that now hold enough hair for big sister to do a silly hairdo.
Siblings that get opportunities to make great memories together. (Hope loves special effects make-up. Cassie took her to be a zombie extra in a local movie.)
Big siblings that love their siblings enough to take care of them when mommy and daddy have to be gone with someone who is sick.
Husbands who support you, dream with you, love you, and make you laugh for more than 29 years.
Friends, family and others who encourage, support and pray for you.
Meeting people who have majorly changed your lives. (Maria’s Big House of Hope, New Hope Foundation and the Chapman’s daughters words that made me rethink being too old to adopt.)
Thankful, blessed, grateful, overwhelmed, and humbled – all these and more.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone!
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Do the difficult….
Sometimes a blog post gets stuck. You know what you want to say but you can’t find the words to adequately do it justice. There are just so many emotions wrapped up in it that you can’t even begin. I have been feeling that way the past couple of weeks. I have written and rewritten this post so many times. I have given up on trying to find the perfect words and decided instead to just write.
Friends, that we now have the privilege of knowing through the magic of Facebook, fought the hard battle to get their little girl Rini home from China. They and their agency went to battle to prove they could care for her, love her and give her the best possible chance at life. We talk about this being hard for the orphanage director and others in China to understand, but the reality is it is hard for most people to understand. Why would you adopt a child with such severe medical needs? Why would you go to battle for a child that may die before you can even get them home? Why would you open your heart to such pain? Why would you put the rest of your family through this?
WHY? Because God called! Because she is your daughter. Because you would do anything to rescue your child. Eric Ludy has a video called Depraved Indifference that tells it beautifully. If this was your child, would you not go to the ends of the earth to make sure she was safe?
The truth of the matter is, that we live in a country, during a time, that most people will find it too difficult to watch Mr. Ludy’s 7 minute video because they just don’t have the time. How can those same people be expected to wrap their minds around what Eric and Andrea have done?
I would like you to stop a moment and really look at Rini’s face. Don’t just glance over it. Does she not deserve love? Could you look at this face and say, “She does not deserve the love of a family?” There’s a quote that says it best. “We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” – David Platt
From the beginning they have been doing the “hard”, the “difficult”. She didn’t come home pretty healthy and slowly decline. She was in the PICU in China. She is now awaiting a heart transplant. Her little heart stopped the other day. They are on borrowed time. Yet, they are honored to be her parents. Why do you think that is? Do you think it is just because they have some supernatural ability that the rest of us don’t have? Do you think it’s because they are somehow stronger? Do you think they’ve lost their minds?
Well, you’d be wrong on all accounts. What they have is faith. What they have is trust. What they believe with their whole hearts is that this is a child worth fighting for. This is their daughter!!!! What would you do for your daughter?
If you’ve been called, then your child is waiting some where. I want you to really, truly let that soak in your mind. If you have been called by God to adopt and you are not proceeding for whatever excuse you allow yourself to think, then your child is hurting and alone and you are doing NOTHING!
All around the world, children are born in countries where the “least of these” are hidden away. Parents are told right at birth that their child must be put in an institution. Children who look like this (before) while they are being cared for in an infant institution are then transferred at a very young age to an adult institution (after) where it is estimated 70-80% of children die in the first year.
Can you look at Kyle’s sweet face and say that he didn’t deserve the love of a family?
Well, the truth is, he didn’t get a family and he recently just passed away.
You want to blame God for these problems?
Nope, can’t do. We have free will. Man chose to put Kyle in the orphanage. Man chose to leave him in the orphanage. Man chose to treat him like he didn’t matter. Man chose to not step up. Man chose not to be the hands and feet of God. Man chose not to adopt him and he died.
That makes the blame ours…..not Gods.
If we say we are Christians, and we do nothing to help the least of these, then we are not practicing true religion as God says in James 1:27.
We have to stop treating these children like they don’t matter.
That is in essence what we do when we turn our backs.
When we don’t read the stories, because it is just too sad.
When we don’t stand up for the least of these because we don’t have the time.
When we say that it’s another country and they should take care of their own.
When we pretend it isn’t happening and just go about our business.
When we make excuses for why we can’t adopt or sponsor or foster.
We are in fact saying that these children do not deserve to be loved.
Because in an institution they may have food and clothing but they do NOT have love.
We know this fact first hand. We have watched our children blossom with love.
We have seen them on day one, dejected, sad, and withdrawn because every moment they spend in an institution chips away at their humanity.
Babies are meant to be held and loved not spend their day lying in a crib.
Children are meant to be hugged and praised and loved.
And with each hug and “I love you” they became a little more alive.
Every child wants a mother and a father. They may not know what that truly means but they know very early on that the word family is a wonderful thing.
We are failing.
We have been called to do more.
We are asked to do the difficult.
I’ve read so many blogs from parents who are doing the difficult. Rini’s parents. Lizzie’s parents. Ruthie’s parents. Katie’s parents. Ruby’s parents. Jenny’s parents. The list goes on and on. I am moved every time I read one of their stories because they didn’t choose the easy road. They didn’t turn their back because they thought it might be hard. They stepped up and took that first step in faith not knowing where their journey would take them.
Rini’s mom talked about what constitutes winning in Rini’s life. She says she feels like many people believe life equals winning and death equals losing. But then she read a quote by Art Spiegelman from the book Maus. “So it’s as though life equals winning, and death equals losing, and the victims are then to blame. But the best didn’t live and the worst didn’t die. It was random.”
It is the same way with a child in an orphanage. They are not somehow “less than” because they ended up there. It was random. They were born in the wrong country or to parents who couldn’t or wouldn’t provide. Your children do not deserve all that they have because they are somehow better. You do not deserve this blessed life because you are somehow better. By random luck you were born at this time, in this country, with all the blessings that you have.
Winning in life isn’t about acquiring the most toys. Winning isn’t about being famous, or rich. Winning isn’t being the fittest, retiring the earliest, living the most selfish, self-centered life that you can. That is NOT winning!
Stop closing your eyes. Stop pretending this isn’t happening. 147+ million orphans. Thousands upon thousands available for adoption as I write this.
God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.
If all we think about is ourselves, then we are not doing what we were called to do. We raise children who believe they can only be children once. Everything in their lives revolves around them and they spend their lives wanting more, expecting more. Life is can be difficult. Life has responsibilities. Life requires giving and loving even when it hurts. If you are going through life and nothing stretches you, nothing makes you hurt, then you best be looking a little harder at your life. I’m not talking about trying to wake up at 5 and exercise or diet a little more, or running that 1/2 marathon, that’s all fine and dandy. What I’m talking about is the fact that life should stretch you outside of yourself. What are you doing for others? How are you giving of yourself?
C.S. Lewis says it best “I’m afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare…If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, they are too small.
Stop thinking small!
Stop waiting for others to fix it!
Stand up for what you believe is right!
Do the difficult!
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November 3rd – Orphan Sunday
Does your church look like the hands and feet of Christ?
Please take a moment to read this and consider how you proceed the next time you hear someone is adopting.
Recently, I have been added to a couple different adoption groups who have been discussing the issue of fundraising for adoptions. I see all these posts from people who say God is leading them…
which makes me believe they are Christians…
which automatically makes me wonder about their church.
I truly believe that God will provide. I honestly do. I have seen amazing things happen with our own adoptions. I have been completely blown away by God’s provisions. If you are called, then God will provide, BUT what if the church is supposed to be part of that provision? Yes, I know we have to spend money on outreach, missions, saving souls, etc. but what better way to bring a soul to Christ then to show them the love of Christ? Because of this, I believe churches should be passing the plate to collect fees for adoptions over and over again. We should all be happy to help a child find a family because God commands us. He COMMANDS us! He doesn’t mention it in passing. Churches should be the backbone of the fostering and adoption movement.
James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless. What does your religion look like?
We should be the hands and feet of God. If everyone gave a little, instead of holding on so tightly to the blessings, that God has given in the first place, then much could be accomplished. That is not to say that families shouldn’t be spending their own money, but if they need help the church should be a safe place that they can go to for help.
Your church is small you say? Hold a garage sale. Everyone has stuff they don’t need anymore. Have a chili supper. Help them with free babysitting so they can work a part-time job. Hold a can drive. Collect change. Make and sell t-shirts. Do something. Anything! Be creative! We did not need financial assistance from our church but our church was great with encouragement, prayers, and meals. Knowing others are there to help goes a long way in not feeling alone.
Too many people are adopting you say. You can’t help them all. Oh, to have such a problem! For God to be calling so many in your church that you feel overwhelmed, what a problem to have. What a blessing. Maybe instead of saying “Oh, there is another family wanting money to bring home an orphan.” Change it to “I have helped another child find a family.” What if at the end of your life you could proudly say “I helped bring 50 children home.” What a testament to what your life stood for – to help the poor, the orphan, the widow. What better way to be a good and faithful servant?
One of my favorite passages from the Bible is Acts 4:32-35 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.
How does your church look compared to this?
To be the hands and feet of Christ is not a burden it is a blessing. Open your heart and your eyes to the need. Help a family in need with both spiritual and monetary support.
1 John 3:17 But whoever has the world’s goods, and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?
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God winks….
While we were in Boston, we met a little girl named Paige. We met Paige while we were waiting in line to get a blood draw. Her dad had gone to sign her in. I was ahead of him in this same line. When I came back to where Dan and Ben were sitting, I found my husband chatting with this sweet little girl in a wheelchair. (What many people don’t know about my husband is that he is a sucker for little kids, especially sweet little kids who are ill.) This little girl was full of personality and smiles. She told us she gets twice a week blood draws. She knows what fun picture is on every CT scanner. Just a little over two weeks ago she had a liver/kidney transplant. Yet, here she was smiling her huge smile and showing us her Spider-Man shirt complete with webs under her arms. She loved Ben Ben’s Superman cape. She discussed many things. She had one of the sweetest souls around and a tiny voice full of life and joy. She asked Ben if he had any brothers and sisters and when Dan answered 11, she took a minute and answered “Your house must be really noisy.” She is wise beyond her years, which was all of 8. Dan stopped to talk to her after Ben’s blood draw and wished her well.
We walked off and Dan got very quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he said she is very, very sick. He hadn’t asked the dad what she had but it was easy to see the sadness in her daddy’s eyes and to connect the dots with all she had going on. I wished I had gotten her full name and address so my children could write to her. But with the wonder of all that is google I found this picture and some articles on her. Her family talks over and over again about their faith. I could see all of their faith and love shining through in this little girl’s face. She knows she is loved. She knows there is a bigger picture.
I have seen this over and over again. Sometimes children who aren’t dealt the fairest cards in life, really truly are wise beyond their years and have sweet, sweet souls. They have faith that is unwavering. They see joy in every day life, where we get caught up in the smallest of troubles, that won’t matter a year from now, they stay in the moment and enjoy life. I know this is true because I have been blessed with many children with just such souls.
After having gone to China and come home with not one, but many of these souls I would say that blessings abound when you put away your fear and step out and take that first step in faith. I know that there will be those who call me a Pollyanna. They think I only see the good and walk around with my head in the clouds, but people that say those things are the same people who have never met my children in person.
Everyone who came in contact with Ben while we were in Boston commented on what a sweet boy he was. You have to remember this was during a very stressful time for him. He doesn’t want to be sick. He doesn’t want to have surgery. He is afraid and yet he went in to that hospital, dressed in a Superman cape and Spider-Man gloves and treated everyone kindly and with a big heart.
This same little boy others say wasn’t worth the money spent on his adoption because of his shortened life span, finds joy in everthing. This boy is a treasure. He believes in God. He prays every time he hears a siren. He prays for the families of the victims, he prays for the driver and the workers, and he prays for whoever is hurt. This boy is a treasure. This boy is a gift worth more than any small adoption fee. This boy was fading fast in an institution and I wonder how many more souls, that are just like Ben, are there……waiting and waiting and waiting because they have a diagnosis that is out of the perspective families comfort zone. How many are waiting, just like Jasmine? How many?
We were told that there was no fix for Benjamin and while that is true, we learned this week at Boston Children’s Hospital that there is a surgery that we can do to make him pinker and slow down the progression of his pulmonary hypertension. That is wonderful news. Ben will have surgery Thanksgiving week and we will be thankful for a chance at a longer, healthier life.
I talked to many families in the waiting room at Boston Children’s Hospital. We heard story after story of families being told there was no hope only to have other families reach out to them and encourage them to get a second opinion. All of them heard what we heard, there is hope and HOPE is a beautiful thing.
Boston was very thorough. They were very kind. Everyone treated Ben very well, so well in fact, that he is okay with going back and having surgery. Steve our nurse for the three days we were admitted, found Ben a Spiderman car to give to him when he came back from his cath. Ben hasn’t wanted surgery, but Ben needs surgery. He is sleeping more, unable to walk very far without sitting down to catch his breathe, just not gaining weight, and dropping his sats in the low 60’s. He needs this procedure and for him to feel comfortable with going back is a such a blessing to us.
We are feeling very blessed this week. Everything went well with Ben. Mom got moved to a skilled nursing home in Fort Dodge where she can get rehab to regain her strength and all her friends and more of her family are closer. Plus, to top it off we got put in touch with the Muscular Dystrophy Association who are loaning us a power wheelchair for Jasmine to use until things can be worked out with the insurance company. Jasmine needs her independence and this is one way for her to have it.
On another note, in an only God could moment, while I was sitting in the pre-op waiting room, I received a message on Facebook from another mom in one of my heart groups on line. She asked if we were in Boston, from a post I had made asking for Prayers for Ben. It turns out this family recently adopted a little girl from China who was in Boston having surgery that very day. Plus, they live about 20 minutes from us at home AND the adopted another son from China who is hard of hearing AND they homeschool. You can call it a coincidence if you want but I know it was a Godcidence. Please keep their daughter, Ruthie, and her family in your prayers. She still has many more days in the hospital and we know what a roller coaster ride that can be.
Where we were staying, there was a food court attached to the hotel. Ben loved the noodles at the Asian restaurant. He opened two fortune cookies while we were there and each one said something about “heart”. One of my Facebook friends called them God winks. I like that!
Hoping others will step out in faith and adopt more of these special children both domestically and internationally. People are called to many different places. Who are we to question what God places on our hearts? Pay attention to the God winks that are all around you. He speaks to our hearts in many, many ways.
Thank you again for the prayers. Please keep Ruthie and Paige in your prayers also.
Keep your heart open to wherever God may be leading.
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Questions and answers
While we were in the hospital, I was asked quite a few different questions about our family. It got me to thinking about all the questions people ask me when we are out and about and the statements that are said while we discuss our family and adoption . This got me to thinking that maybe some of my readers might have the same questions so I thought I’d try my best to answer them.
You aren’t actually considering adopting more are you?
Well, we haven’t ruled it out completely, I am assuming we are done. Our house is pretty busy with all the special needs and surgeries going on, but I believe fully that God has led us to all of our children. He has blessed our family over and over again by following His lead and it would be insane for me to say “No” to him now. Besides whenever I say things that are absolute it usually turns out the other way. I will leave it in His hands and keep my focus on the children we are caring for right now and pray that if there is another child(ren) in this world that are meant to be with us that He makes it abundantly clear as quickly as possible so they are not alone for any longer than is necessary.
Let’s see how you feel about having so many children the same age when they are teenagers.
Truth be told, bring it on. I pray that I get the chance to parent five teenagers at the same time. Eli, Ben, and Evie all have very complex heart defects and their life span will be shortened. No one can tell us for sure how long they have. They may have many years or at any time they may have a weird rhythm issue or plug a shunt and then their lives will end. Every time we go in for a cath or a surgery, we live with the fact that they may not come back out from surgery. We have to ask ourselves questions like “Is it worth it to take the slim chance of survival from surgery or do we just enjoy the time he/she has left?” These are not easy questions to answer. I pray to God that I am allowed the wonderful opportunity to parent five teenagers that have three and 1/2 years separating them.
Are you insane? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?
No, I am not crazy, insane or any of the other phrases that you might ask. I am, however, obedient to God’s calling. The first time it was hard to turn it all over to Him, but when you see the blessings that have been bestowed on you for following….well, each time gets just a little bit easier until you know it would be insane not to follow His lead.
What about your other kids at home? Do they feel neglected? Do they resent sharing their time?
No, if anyone should have had a problem with us adopting more children, it would be Gracie. She was the baby at the time. But Gracie loves her siblings and brings me new pictures of children available for adoption almost every single day. She has mentioned wishing she could hypnotize Dan and I so we would forget how many children we have and adopt again. Jasmine informed me the other day that “I could love more”. When asking her what she meant by this, she informed me that I could love more sisters. When I asked her how many more, she informed me that I could love two more mei mei (little sisters) and two more jie jie (older sisters). She told me that she would share her room and they could fit bunk beds in there.
You must have lots of help.
I don’t have paid help, but I do have help with my older children who live at home in an apartment, in our garage, on our acreage. When we moved here 11 years ago, we wondered what we would do with a 9 car garage. We chose to turn the back 6 into an apartment for the kids as they go to college. Cassie is a junior at Iowa State University and she has arranged her schedule to be here every morning while we get everyone up and ready. Zach, a software engineer who works from home, helps out whenever I need a sitter. Dan works from home during the week and Dan’s mom comes down whenever I ask.
Who takes care of the house and the other children while Dan and you are in the hospital with your sick child?
We have gone back and forth on the right way to do this each and every time we are in the hospital. If you know Codey’s story, you know we have spent years in the hospital. We were lucky when Codey was in the hospital because we lived in Iowa City at the time. It makes it harder when you have to travel. Each time our family gets bigger, it gets more complicated. In the end, we have decided both Dan and I need to be in the hospital. Dan because of his medical expertise and me, well, because I’m mommy of course. It would be nice if we could go to a hospital in our home town, but that isn’t an option. Zach, Cassie and Mema (Dan’s mom), take care of things on the homefront. This usually works great for short stays. It is like a mini vacation full of fun when they get to spend their days with their older siblings. Every family has to figure out what works best for them and so far, this works for us.
How many children do you have at home? How many children do you have all together?
We have twelve children. Eleven still living. Kyle passed away at five days of age, twenty-six years ago. All eleven children live at home. Zach and Cassie are roommates in the apartment and the other nine live in our home. Our oldest son, Codey, is severely mentally and physically challenged and continues to reside in our home.
How do you cart everyone around?
We have a bus. Yes, a bus! The children love it. I love it too except for the six miles per gallon that it gets. It has a wheelchair lift and room for sixteen passengers, two wheelchairs, and the driver. This is another reason why the girls think we should be able to adopt more. Apparently, if there is room in the bus, there is room to adopt.
Is your house huge?
It is a nice size ranch house. It has three bedrooms upstairs and three downstairs. We remodeled to a more open concept a couple years after moving in and it has worked out wonderfully for Jasmine’s wheelchair. We have a big sunroom that we have converted into a playroom for the kids. It is big and sunny and they have lots of room to play.
How do you pay for all of this? Isn’t adoption expensive?
Yes, it does add up but it doesn’t cost much more than a car these days. You can find a way to pay for things if you truly want. It takes a good year to complete the adoption and your agency will set out exactly at each step when the fees need to be paid.
We wiped out our savings. We adopted more than one at a time so the travel costs would be less. Only paying for one trip at a time and getting two children or four children helped. When you say $20,000 or more for an adoption, it instantly turns people off. But you have to remember that part of that is agency fees, part of that is orphanage fees, part of it is government/paper fees, and then there is the travel costs and it is all spread out over the time that you are adopting. I know many people hear that amount and think they can’t do it. I say money should never be a factor in your choosing not to adopt. There are many, many ways to do it. There are grants. You can adopt through the foster care system. People will step forward. I believe you would be amazed by the amount of people who want to help. Plus, I believe fully that if you belong to a church and feel called to adopt, your church family should be helping. James 1:27 clearly states the churches role in adoption.
I know people think that we have it easy because my husband makes a good living, but if you think we just had enough money and it didn’t cause us any hardship you’d be wrong. Plus, the Lord has always provided. When they agreed to expedite Elijah’s adoption, we were out of money. We were contemplating borrowing against our 401K when we got the most unexpected gift. We had known years before that there was a disagreement between the University and the government about taxes that were withheld. This happened when Dan was a resident back from 1995-1999. We figured nothing would ever come of it, but a few days after receiving notice about Eli and trying to figure it all out, I sat in my car and opened an envelope from the University paying for those back taxes AND interest. It was because of that interest that we were able to pay for Elijah’s fees and take Cassie along to help. God is good. Don’t lose sight of that fact. He can surprise you in the most amazing of ways.
Well, I would love to adopt, but….
“We don’t have enough money.” I know as well as you know that you could save. Most everyone has areas that we could cut back on. I know that doesn’t mean everyone, but most of us can and could cut back. We find the money for cars and a vacations and nicer houses filled with stuff we will never use or don’t really need. DON’T let money hold you back.
Besides that, did you decide to have biological children? When the news states facts like it costs $200,000+ to raise a child nowadays did you say, “We just can’t afford that” or did you assume you would find a way as the years went by and that God would provide for all your needs?
“We don’t have enough room.” Seriously? This has to be the most ridiculous statement. We are talking about children who live in an orphanage. Some of these orphanages are big, sterile, buildings and some have no windows or doors. These children share rooms with many, many cribs or beds. They have no toys of their own. In most cases, they don’t even own a toothbrush. Believe me when I say, “You have enough room and can provide for all of their needs.”
“I don’t want my other kids to do without.” (Usually this means extracurricular activities.) What makes you so sure that your other children will have to do without?
So if you have ever said any of the above sentences or anything similar to it, I want to take this moment to say, “STOP!”. Please don’t say this to a parent who has adopted, especially if they have been to a third world country and seen the need. These excuses make no sense. I’m going to say this knowing full well that I may tick some of you off, but I am assuming if you were saying something that offended or didn’t make sense, you’d want to know it.
When you say these things you are in fact saying __________ is more important than a child with no family, living his/her days in an orphanage, with no future or hope. You can’t honestly think that your child playing a sport is more important. You can’t honestly believe that your child having a room to themselves is more important. If you have been thinking about adopting and have said any excuse to yourself, then really let this sink in. Let it seep into the deepest recesses of your heart and mind. What is truly important? Do these excuses still hold up? And if this doesn’t work, pretend Christ is standing right there in front of you (because someday He will be), try out that excuse now. “Lord, I would have loved to save one of the least of these, but Junior would have had to share a room and it just didn’t seem fair.” How does that excuse feel now? How about all the things your children will learn. How about all the ways your heart and your home will be opened to love and caring and Christ-like behavior? What about all the blessings that you can not even fathom?
What has been the hardest part?
The waiting is hard. Once you see their picture, you want to go get them. Every day you wait, knowing where they are, is painful.
Unknown diagnosis are hard. Believe me I am not looking forward to explaining to Jasmine what she really has.
Lainey not sleeping has been very hard. She is up every two to three hours and our family has had to take turns caring for her at night.
But truth be told the hardest part, for me, is that I can’t do more. We are sponsoring children. We are helping others who are adopting but it still doesn’t feel like enough.
Every day in China girls age out of the system at the tender age of 14, and are released with no resources. Many times they don’t have an education or anyone to turn to. The sex traffickers know this and many girls are lost. Every day children die in orphanages – alone! Every day children are hungry and hurting and wanting a mother and a father to love them. Only a small percentage of the orphans in the world will ever be adopted. A heartbreaking fact when you consider just how many Christians there are. If we, as Christians, stood up and either adopted or helped others, there would be no orphans. What a beautiful statement of the love of Christ.
Why aren’t we doing more? Why do we choose to close our eyes to what is going on around the world? Why do we continue to make excuses?
“The problem seemed so vast, so endemic, that stopping to help a single panhandler (person) could seem pointless.” – Laura Schroff.
If we all stopped and helped just one, we could help them all.
“And so we swept past them everyday, great waves of us going on with our lives and accepting there was nothing we could really do.” – Laura Schroff
What are you doing with your life? Are you caught up in the busyness of your life? So much so that you can’t stop to help one?
“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” – John Lubbock
Are you looking? Do you see the hurting people? Do you see the children in need? Stop and look for that one that you can help!
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Updates
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV
I’ve been hanging on tight to the “do not fear” portion of this verse for the last couple of weeks.
I will apologize ahead of time that this post is long. I’ve chosen to post updates on everyone in one blog. The good news is each paragraph is a story in itself so you can stop and come back and it won’t even matter. Plus, if you leave and come back it adds another visit to my blog and I am really close to going over the 20,000 visit mark for the year. Isn’t that unbelievable? I sometimes forget that there are those, that I don’t even know personally, following our story. I update for my family and friends who I know are praying for our family and for each of my children and pray that maybe, just maybe, I will reach someone I don’t know and they will be encouraged to do more. They will be encouraged to follow where God leads them, even if they are afraid. It just seems amazing to me that our story touches others. To me, it is just our life. It’s just my normal. It can be really, really loud, and really, really busy, but at the end of the day we are just a family.
If you are one of my readers, which I guess you’d be if you are reading this, thank you. Truly thank you. Thank you for caring about my children. Thank you for covering our family in prayer. As Christians we are commanded to encourage each other and lift up each other. You do that for me with your comments. You do that every time I hear about someone praying for my children. What a blessing. It goes without saying that the title of my blog says it all….I am SERIOUSLY blessed! Thank you!
Benjamin
Poor Benjamin had been feeling so bad. He was admitted to the hospital to receive IVIG because his platelets dropped to 12,000. He had a severe reaction to the IVIG, his temp jumped to 105.1 and his heart rate was well over 190. When your heart is as overworked as Benjamin’s is already, a very high heart rate for an extended period of time is not a good thing. During his hospital stay, I asked him, “Benjamin, do you know that God loves you?” and he responded, “Yes!” and then I said, “Benjamin, do you trust me?” and he said, “Yes mama!” as he snuggled in closer he said, “I’ll be brave.” He really is the bravest kid. I wish I had the words to properly convey how humbling and overwhelming it is to watch your child truly trust God. When said child is only 4, it is just mind blowing. Benjamin is sweet and gentle and so loving. Benjamin can not hear sirens without requesting that everyone pray, well commanding it is more like it. When you pray, you have to pray for the person who is hurting, for their family, for the people driving, and for their safety. You can’t leave anyone out.
We had been home for a couple days and Ben was still whiny and not eating. His dentist decided it was time to take out two molars before he has surgery. One of them was infected and yet Ben wouldn’t really complain. Benjamin’s surgery is scheduled for August 13th at Mayo. We have to check in early the morning of the 11th to check his platelets and see what needs to be done to get him ready for surgery. I am nervous about this surgery, but we know it is his only hope of being pinker and extending his life. We are trusting in God’s plan and His timing. We are putting Benjamin in His hands and praying for the best. Plus, Benjamin has decided that he is SuperBen Ben and he can handle anything!
Plus, Gracie has informed me that “it’s a pretty good day for a miracle”. So we are going to go with that. It does seem like a pretty good day for a miracle! 🙂
Cassandra
She has been such a huge help this summer. She was invaluable in China and continues to be so. She allows her mama some sleep, some much needed sleep. I am always amazed at how much she has learned from our life. She is so far ahead in her walk with Christ than I was at her age. Here is her latest post that shows exactly what I’m talking about. Things I Have Learned
Codey
The boy turned 25. How is that even possible? I’m barely over 25. Although, I suppose that makes the fact that I just had my 30th high school reunion a little improbable too. 🙂 Codey has adjusted well to all his siblings. He doesn’t seem to mind the increased decibels in the house. It has gone remarkably well. Better than I could have even hoped for. He has been healthy and he is a pretty happy guy.
Elijah
We now know why it said that he was “charming and handsome” throughout his papers from the orphanage. This boy will charm the socks off you. He is sweet and the faces he makes just crack me up. Last night we hit a wonderful milestone and he melted my heart a little more. There are many habits that children come with, who are raised in an institution, one of them is not wanting to be held or rocked. Some, not all, children have this. They are so used to being alone. Comforting themselves. Not crying out when they are in pain because no one responds. It’s just very, very sad. Last night Eli had a nightmare and he let me rock him. He let me hold him and comfort him and he said, “Mama, wuv you.” Those moments are to be treasured. Those moments of complete trust and the understanding that you are there for them. Little tiny steps but every time they happen they just warm your heart.
Evangeline
This little girl just continues to improve every single day. She has gained about a pound a week and weighs in at 20 pounds now. She is sitting, crawling all over, pulling herself up to standing. She is singing and saying new words every day. Little Evie’s heart catherization is scheduled for August 6th at the U of I Hospitals. I am soooooo not ready for this, but she is getting bluer and bluer. It needs to be done. I love, love, LOVE this little girl so much! She has a personality that is just so big! She steals people’s hearts in a matter of minutes when they meet her. They are hoping to place a stent in her PDA and increase the blood flow to her very small pulmonary arteries. Their hope is with increased blood flow, maybe her arteries will grow. I’ve had others write to me, to encourage us, with stories telling how this has worked for their children. Praying that there is hope for our little Evie Faith. Her middle name says it all – we have proceeded in faith and continue to press on in faith.
Faith makes things possible NOT easy. Have you heard that saying before? That’s where I am right now. It’s easy to love her. It’s easy to have your heart completely stolen by her. It’s easy to thank God for the gift of being her mama. It’s hard to know that I may not ever get to have a birthday cake with her. How silly is that? But not being able to celebrate a milestone with her makes me cry. It really is the little things in life that matter. It’s hard to think about taking this chance, even though the percentage is low that she won’t make it through the cath, the truth is she might not. Am I strong enough to take this chance? How strong is my faith? Can I truly just turn it over? Fear Not! Fear NOT! FEAR NOT! Eyes directly on the Lord and counting each and every blessed day I get to spend with her.
Gracie
She just got a great report from the hospital at her check-up. She got to drop another medication. She grew taller, which is a big deal for a child who isn’t growing from being on steroids. She’s been doing really, really well. She has also informed me that when she grows up she is adopting 20 kids. That is just my Gracie’s heart. She loves more and wants to do more. She just loves her siblings. In the picture below she made an early morning picnic for them. She’s always the one making the forts, playing games, giving baths (with help), having dance parties, etc.
If you are wondering why Benjamin is in a penguin costume, well, the night before the girls had a fancy dance party complete with big, frilly dresses. Benjamin thought he should wear a tuxedo and this was as close as he could find. He then wanted to sleep in it, which I allowed. There’s just something about not knowing how many days you have that make the little things seem like not such a big deal. Who cares if he sleeps in a penguin costume?
Hope
Hope is Epic! Her words not mine. I was asking her what she wanted me to tell others about her and she jokingly said, “Say I’m epic!” and then rolled on the floor laughing. So, of course, I have to include those words. That is just the kind of mom I am. Supportive! Actually, Hopey is truly epic and is doing really well. Health wise you’d never have any clue she is missing half her heart. She recently just had a nasty bout of strep, but other than that she has been remarkably well.
Jasmine
Oh my goodness, this girl has been busy. She went to another VBS at a friend’s church. It was wonderful because they used the same VBS theme that our church did so she already knew all the songs and could sing along. She is learning more about God every day. We tell her the basics. God made everything. God loves you. God loves me. We love God. God brought us to her. Today a friend of the family who speaks fluent Mandarin asked her about God and told her a few more things.
The reward for attending every night of VBS was a ticket to the local amusement part, Adventureland. Tonight she went with Grace, Hope, Cassie, Zach and Stephanie. She loved it. She had a corn dog and a sno-cone. She tried the teacups, the ferris wheel, and a pretty tame roller coaster. She played tons and tons of games with Zach and won two small stuffed toys. She had an old time picture taken in the photo shop.
She has come so far. We are still waiting for her neuro appointment and her 2 1/2 hour MRI, which is scheduled for next week. She had an eye exam this week and it broke my heart. So many things that orphans feel and are fearful of that we can’t even imagine. Take for instance the eye exam. They started showing her letters and all was going well until the letter “H” came up on the screen. She didn’t know “H” so they handed her a board with four letters on it and asked her to point to the one she saw. It was then that the tears started. Not just a tear but full-out-sobbing tears. It broke my heart. She heard the word “test”, couldn’t say the letters, and just lost it. When I asked her about it on Google Translate all she would say was that she was “afraid”. She wouldn’t/couldn’t tell me why. It just made me sad. Something as simple as not knowing a letter should not fill you with such fear.
Today I asked her if she was happy here and her little face just lit up and she said, “Oh yes, Mama!” Those three little words just made my day.
Lainey
She is still not sleeping which makes for some really, really, really long nights. We have started taking shifts. Every once in a while, Hopey takes the 10 p.m. to 12 p.m. shift for me, because she likes to play video games and she isn’t able to have alone time during the day. It’s a win-win situation. Zach hasn’t been able to take many because of the final push on his video game, but sometimes takes the 1 to 3 shift. Cassie has been taking the 1 a.m. to 7 a.m. shift with Dan taking over at 4 a.m. when he is able to. Cassie is sleeping on and off during those hours, getting bottles left and right, holding a child who doesn’t want to be consoled, and all in all, being a life saver. I get up around 6:30 a.m. and take over with the crew, since no one, but the older kids, like to sleep past 7. Cassie then goes back to bed until noon. We have to find a solution before the end of August because Cassie will be going back to school. We have recently been approved to try melatonin. There was some debate on whether you could use it with a child with PKU, but we’ve been given the okay. Hopefully, this will help our child, who doesn’t want to sleep. sleep.
On top of that we found out that Lainey is extremely farsighted. We have been noticing that she grabs at things funny, like she just can’t see it clearly. She takes both hands and kind of starts big and brings them in closer. She seems to have an issue with depth perception and she is clumsy. It’s nice that at least there is a reason for this. We ordered her a pair of glasses. They are like goggles, completely unbreakable. This child might make that statement untrue.
Here she is rocking her compression shirt. It has really helped her. When you put the shirt on, she instantly becomes calm. It is the strangest thing.
But all in all, if you saw the Lainey we saw on day 1 and compared her to the Lainey you see before you now, things are so much better. Truly better. She is happy. She hugs. She plays with the kids. She laughs out loud. It does a mama’s heart good to know that she knows she is loved.
Maisey
Well, little Maisey Mei got herself some glasses. Fitting glasses on a little Asian nose and not really having ears is a challenge. These are what we found. Cute, little, pink wire-rimmed glasses. We use her hearing aid headband to hold them up and it seems to be working pretty well. Her speech has just taken off. She is getting clearer and clearer in the way she says her words. She is a great big sister to the littles.
Mom
Mom is back in her own home and feeling better. She just had her check-up today. She is still really weak but is steadily getting better. Her ejection fraction went from 20% to 35% – so that was wonderful! We were also told that she would need her carotid surgery done first to allow for proper blood flow to her brain when she is put on bypass. They said surgery is likely three months after pulmonary emboli are discovered. That would mean surgery could possibly be in 2 months with her quadruple bypass following 4-6 weeks later.
I am posting pictures of all the kids so I thought I’d include the picture my sister-in-law recently took of my mom. She is rocking those Minnie Mouse shades! Mom won’t care. Really she won’t. Have I mentioned that my mom doesn’t own a computer or know how to get on the web to even read my blog?
(No worries. I did tell her and she gave me permission.)
Zachary
He is busy with his new game that is set to be released at the end of the month. I say “his” but the truth is, he is the lead programmer for an international company trying to put their first game out. It’s pretty exciting watching how God has let him use his degree from home, which pretty much everyone said wasn’t possible. Oh and have I mentioned that he has a girlfriend? She is very sweet and all of Zachary’s siblings really, really like her. I won’t out them and put up a picture….yet. For now, do you hear that Stephanie? 🙂
Everyone
Everyone gets along so much better than I could have even hoped for. Maisey helps Lainey in so many ways. Maisey seems to have an affinity for helping those who aren’t able to communicate. She just gets right in their face and directs them. She makes Lainey hug and hold hands and play. It is a blessing to watch them play.
Right now the littles are riding their cozy coupes in circles around the couch.
Life is hectic, busier than I could even ever imagined but it is full of love and laughter. I couldn’t imagine my life without even one of my blessings.
Praying life is treating you well friends. Enjoy your family, your friends, your faith and follow God’s lead without fear!
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