Author Archive
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The greatest of these is love….
I started this blog after my husband encouraged me to put my words down in writing. I sat and debated a blog for months because I wasn’t sure I wanted to put my feelings out there for others to read. He reminded me that if I don’t tell the kid’s story then I don’t let God’s glory shine either. The truth is hard to hide from and God places things on your heart and then you must pay attention. I wanted a blog that said something about being blessed. On blogspot there weren’t many of those “blessed” blogs left. I guess there are lots of people who feel blessed – praises all around for that! Zach then said that he could start me a website of my own if I would just come up with a name. All of my children and other family members gave me ideas. Those ideas all played on the fact that I use the word “seriously”….a lot. Way too much! So it became my site and every time I type it in it makes me smile. Because I am truly and utterly seriously blessed. That doesn’t mean I don’t have troubles or tests or trials. I just choose to see them for what they are, an opportunity to trust God, to turn everything over to Him, to place my faith where it should have been to start with because I was never in control anyway.
Zach initially made it hard to leave a response. Mainly because he was afraid of random people spamming me or criticizing me. I recently came across a quote that said “man’s criticism’s make it possible for you to stay humble while hearing man’s praise”. I don’t want to hear the praise because the reality is I don’t feel like I’ve done anything all that remarkable I have heard from a couple of people this week and it is as if God was saying it’s okay, listen to what they have to say. They are hearing that it is about Me and not about you. For that reason, I had him make it easier to leave a response although it still seems difficult to figure it out. I talked Linda through it just the other day to make sure that it worked. Directions for leaving a response: just click on the heading and it will open that post by itself and at the bottom of the page there should be a place for replying.
I know there are people who will read my blog and think I am boasting. I’m not. I know that I am but a speck in a great big sea. I have had life knock me to my knees more times than I care to mention. I know what is truly important in life and I’m humbled every day by the gifts I have been given. I have a husband who is my best friend, who loves me and tells me just how much every day. I have children who I cherish and I love to spend time with. I have been blessed enough to be able to adopt 3 children who have changed my lives in ways too numerous to mention. I get to see so many firsts and my heart is overflowing with love and gratitude to a God that made this possible.
I hear people talk all the time about how expensive adoption is and I know that is true. I maxed out a credit card, drained a savings account and still had to borrow a little bit more. It’s not easy even if your spouse makes a very good living. But if God places this on your heart you have to trust Him that it will be doable. I’ve seen people have garage sales, bake sales, auctions, put out jars in stores, just about anything you can imagine. There are ways to make it happen. There are organizations that give grants. It should not cost so much to take in an abandoned baby, but that is another talk for another day. What you will receive in return is a hundred fold more important and wonderful than those few dollars that you will spend. Besides it was never my money anyway…it’s always been Gods!
For those dollars that were spent, I’ve had the joy of watching a sweet little 2 year old blossom. When we got her that day in the registration office, to say she was quiet and sad would be an understatement. We stripped her out of her clothes when we got to the hotel and both Dan and I cried. She was starving with little tiny arms and legs and a distended belly. Because of the bumps on her ribs and her bowed wrists and legs, Dan guessed she had rickets and this was later confirmed. She had a bald spot on the back of her little head because the instant she got mad, she would throw herself to the floor and rub her head back and forth as she cried. This happened over and over again those first few days. She didn’t understand “no”. She was sad when the food got moved. I’m not sure anyone had ever tried to communicate with her which is sad because she can hear even without her BAHA. I held her. I rocked her. I comforted her and it stopped. It didn’t take very long and there was more and more time between each incident. I can’t remember the last time she threw herself to the ground – not since we left China. All of this changed because of love. Because we took the time to hold her and comfort her and care. That is all it took – well, that and a lot of noodles. 🙂 Now she runs through my house giggling, laughing, and throwing herself at your legs with great big bear hugs.
Probably the saddest thing was if they got hurt neither of the kids cried. If they hit their head hard or fell down, they didn’t cry tears. It took me a bit to even realize that was happening. It was as if it didn’t matter. They knew no one would comfort them so the tears never came. I can’t even explain how that feels as a mother. Sometimes when I think of what they have gone through my heart just hurts. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand this world. I don’t understand abandoning a baby. I don’t understand so much and the world seems so evil and really what can I possibly do? I can’t fix poverty or starvation or HIV or cancer or war. But what I can do is take one life and turn it around. One life at a time. It’s all any of us can do. I’ve now had the privilege of doing that with 3 lives. What a gift that is. You can’t put a price on how that will change your life. I have regretted many things that I have done in my past. I have regretted things that I have said out of anger. I’ve regretted things I should have said but chose not to out of embarrassment or lost opportunity. BUT I have never ever regretted helping someone, saying something that would brighten their day, telling someone that I love them or encouraging someone in some way.
I think that is each of our challenges, to seek God with all your heart and allow His glory to shine. Your testimony is your life. You can preach. You can quote the Bible. You can criticize and lecture and judge, but those things won’t bring anyone closer to God. I don’t want to be in the way of someone seeing God’s glory. I want others to see in my life the faith I have in a God and a plan that I can’t possibly understand. I have had the privilege of watching a little life turn around. I have had the great honor of bringing joy to a sad little boy and girl. I can give Benjamin years of joy, but that joy will never, ever compare to the joy he will feel in heaven. In the end, that will be my greatest gift to him, to show him the love of God and show him the way to salvation. I want to help him understand we are all waiting to be adopted. We are all longing to be loved for who we are. We are all looking for that one person who won’t let us down. No one on earth can do that for us because man is not perfect. Only God can do those things. Go to God. Talk to God. Ask Him what you can do for one person. Ask Him to open your eyes to the hurt that He sees. You will be amazed at the peace that comes from trusting a God who has it all under control even though His ways are so far beyond our understanding. Spread a little love to your loved ones and to those that are hurting around you. I guarantee you that you will never regret having done something out of love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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Sharing cuteness today…
We usually say prayers as a group with the little ones and Grace, but last night I had Ben just say his prayer by himself. He folded his little hands and at the end he said “Amen”. He then looked at me and said, “Mama, Mei Mei Amen.” He had to make sure Maisey was included. Maisey yells and throws her hands in the air at the end. She’s pretty emphatic about her amens. 🙂
Today I was sitting copying Facebook posts about Ben to his journal. I was listening to Casting Crowns So Far To Find You and Maisey climbed up into my lap. A second or two later Ben climbs up in my lap and grabs Maisey’s hand and my hand and lays his head on my shoulder and says, “love you mama”. I’m a sap. I cried. I feel like those are the moments that God gives us as a gift for trusting Him. I don’t know any other way to describe just how much they touch this mama’s heart.
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Benjamin – Part 2
I have been told by a couple people that my post yesterday about Benjamin was sad or depressing. That was not my intent at all. I want you to understand that I feel blessed to be this little boys mother. I am blessed everyday when I wake up to his giggles. I knew the instant I saw this little boys face that he was my son. I have never been so sure of anything in my whole life. He is all sweetness and love. Every moment with him is wonderful. His laugh is contagious. It is the funniest laugh. I wish I could describe it accurately. It has sort of a Woody Woodpecker start to it and then it is this deep, from the depths of his soul laugh. It is seriously the best sound EVER! He constantly makes goofy faces. He scrunches up his face, squints his eyes tight, laughs out loud, and your heart melts. On top of all that he is a protector and comforter. He protects Maisey. He worries about her and he takes care of her. It would be understandable if they knew each other in the orphanage, but they were in different orphanages. He makes sure she has a drink, or food, or a toy. He picks her up and hugs her when she falls. He is the best big brother. He takes care of his Mei Mei (little sister in Chinese) and it is a beautiful thing to watch. All of this from a 3 year old.
Yes, it is sad that his is so sick. Yes, it is unbelievably sad to think that this is an easily fixable heart defect if done within the first couple weeks of life. I think about his biological mother all the time. I have heard that father’s will drop sick children off at the orphanage because they think it is a curse to have a child die or be ill. I’m really not sure how having the child die in an orphanage breaks the curse, but that is their belief. I wonder if she woke up one day and he was just gone or was she was part of his abandonment? Did she try and knew she couldn’t care for him? It probably took a while for him to start looking blue. Did she love him and abandon him in the hopes that he would get care? In China you have to have cash up front for health care. Most people can not afford to do that. Why at 9 months of age did she leave him in a park of all places? I was told it was because it was a visibly open place and he would be found quickly. I can’t imagine what it must be like for her to wonder what has happened to her boy. I pray for her peace every day. I pray that God will comfort her. I can not even imagine what it would take to abandon your child at 9 months of age. I’ve only had him 2 months and I know I couldn’t do it.
I am sad sometimes that it took us a year with paperwork to get him over here. I don’t know God’s plan, but I know God’s timing is perfect so I am not bitter or angry at the time lost. I can not see the tapestry of Ben’s life. I often wonder did Benjamin help some other child there? Did he impact another adults life? Was it meant to show me patience, trust, faith in God’s plan? Benjamin’s life has purpose. He may not make it to adulthood, but his life definitely has purpose. I will continue to say “may” until the day he is taken from me. There is always hope. There are always miracles. God is in control. I am not and have never been in control. For that reason, I will wake up each day and enjoy every single moment I’m graciously allowed to spend with him.
I will admit to being disappointed that the fix they hoped they could do isn’t possible. Benjamin’s defect is complicated and hard to explain, but it includes large ventricular septal defect, atrial septal defect, transposition of the great arteries all of which were untreated. After his echo, they believe he has a coarctation – narrowing of his aorta. He is in congestive heart failure and has pulmonary hypertension. It may be possible to do a heart/lung transplant, but we won’t know until he has a heart catherization. He won’t be able to have his heart cath until his platelets are over 100,000. We’ve been as low as 28,000 and as high as 92,000. We did not know that he had ITP at the time of his adoption so we don’t know if he has a chronic form or a transient form. So if you are praying for our boy, that is the specific prayer needed – platelets over 100,000 so we can do the heart cath and see what our options are.
I want to reiterate that I am blessed. As I have said before…..seriously blessed! I do not sit at home and feel sorry for myself. I am blessed that I choose to put fear aside and love this little boy. I have faith that God’s plan is perfect and that He IS in control even though this world is a sad place and doesn’t always make sense. Benjamin is a blessing. What I wanted everyone to take from my post was that if God places something on your heart – DON”T be afraid, take that leap, the most wonderful things can be on the other side. Don’t be afraid of losing someone. Be afraid of not having the chance to love them. Don’t be angry and bitter. Don’t lose one precious moment that you could spend loving them. Remember to love those around you and tell them every day. Don’t assume you have forever. Don’t assume that they just know. Show them and tell them all throughout the day.
I mean seriously….how could you not love this face?
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Benjamin
I thought I would share some about the adoption, not to brag, but to let others know just how great it can be. I have had so many people comment on how amazed they are that the little ones have bonded with the whole family already, even Codey. It has been a little over 2 months since we’ve been home. Ben coughs for Codey (those who know Codey will understand this). He runs to the kids when they get home. I can’t explain what it feels like to have them look at you with such love. Ben woke up from a nightmare last night and I said, “Ben I’m here.” He laughed out loud, grabbed my face and stroked it, said “I love you mama” and went right back to sleep. A little over 2 months ago he had night terrors that you couldn’t reach him through and now this. I cried tears of joy. It has been so unbelievably wonderful. It has also shown me just how much we take for granted with our kids. The fact that they trust us and love us so unconditionally is amazing. I didn’t fully get it with Hope maybe because she was a baby when we adopted her. Don’t take things for granted – those little arms around your neck and those sweet, sloppy kisses are an amazing thing.
I also have to share just what kind of boy Benjamin is. Dan and I had to have serious discussions about the ramifications of bringing a child into our family that has such a severe, untreatable heart defect. His oxygen saturations in the 60 percent range. We know his time is limited and that is a lot to ask of your other children, but they were all on board with eager, open hearts. Benjamin is such a sweet soul. Everyone comments on how sweet he is. I am blessed with each and every day that I get to spend with him. It is so hard to explain. Today we went to the doctor to get his cbc to check his platelets. He saw a train sticker and wanted to get it for Garner and then he saw a Dora sticker. He asked the nurse “Please for Mei Mei?” and then he gave the sticker to Maisey. The nurse asked if he is always like this and I emphatically said yes. The thought of him being in an orphanage for as long as he was breaks my heart and yet he is seemingly untouched by the cold harsh realities of that time. The fact that his biological parents abandoned him at 9 months and are now missing out on such a sweet, sweet boy makes me sad. The fact that his days will be shortened breaks my heart if I dwell on it. It just makes each and every day we do have a little bit sweeter. Don’t let fear stop you from taking a big leap of faith – what lies on the other side just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
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Gracie Update
Today was her last dose of i.v. chemo. The doctors say she is in partial remission. Her kidneys are doing much better, but her lupus is still not completely controlled. Her complements are still not normal, although they are close, and she is anemic again. They wanted her in remission before changing her to the oral chemo but decided that because her lupus was such a severe case that she will likely relapse and need cytoxan again. You can only have so many doses in a lifetime so they want to save some for the next time. She will most likely be on cellcept for 5 years after the date they declare her in remission. That seems daunting. Sometimes it seems overwhelming. I’m so very happy that there are treatments available for this. If you read about this back in the 1950’s, the survival rate was 0. I am so happy that there are treatments. I am happy to have my little girl. She is an unbelievably special girl in so many ways – her faith being one of the biggest ways. I am blessed.
I thought I’d share my Hats For Gracie post….. (For those of you who aren’t friends with me on Facebook.)
This is a little embarrassing but I thought I’d share that life is all about perspective. Everything is how you look at it. You’d think I’d have it down pat by now, but I still need reminders every once and a while. Yesterday we received another bill for Gracie’s care, another $1,982 bill to be exact and I complained. Mainly, I complained because you can’t tell what you’ve already paid or what it’s for. They just ask for the money and make it due in 3 weeks. I then realized Grace was in the room. Later I decided I should say something to her because I didn’t want her to feel bad about the bill. I told her that I wasn’t mad about the bill so she shouldn’t worry about anything. She told me “I think $2,000 is a small price to pay for my health and my life.” Truer words have never been spoken. Perspective. I think I’ll get me some. 🙂
Previous Day’s Hats For Gracie post….
Last night as I was tucking Gracie in she told me that she didn’t like having to wait until the sun went down to swim, that she was really kind of tired of medicine and she wasn’t happy that she would need another pulse of steroids on Wednesday with her chemo. She told me that she didn’t think lupus was very nice. She also said she understood that God is perfect and His plan is perfect so He must have some reason for all this so she would try her best to be happy. She said, “Sometimes happy takes work but it’s worth it.” Good advice from a 7 year old so I thought I’d share.
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Cassandra Lynne
A post for the most beautiful baby ever….
Who just happened to turn into one of the prettiest girls I know. If that was all I could say about you, I’d be disappointed. But you are a wonderful, kind, funny, compassionate, tenderhearted and sweet young lady. You have chosen to be the guardian of your siblings should anything happen to your dad and I. Anyone who knows our family knows that is no small undertaking. You aren’t concerned with many of the things other 20 year olds are. You have a firm foundation in God and His doctrines. You know what is really important and I love that about you. You are able to laugh at the simplest of things and you don’t take things for granted. You are truly a remarkable young lady and I am so blessed to be your mama.
Happy Birthday Boo!
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Trust
A few weeks ago we were presented with a little girl that had many, many health issues. The physical disabilities I could handle. The many hospital admissions, I couldn’t. We always stay with our kids while they are in the hospital. I just couldn’t do that with our two new little ones. Dan and I prayed and prayed about her and knew that she needed a home where she could have a lot of one on one care. A home that was quiet and our house was way too busy to meet her needs. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, to turn down a child. Dan told me that we just had to trust that God had her family out there. With Benjamin and Maisey, I knew right from the start that I was supposed to be their mama. I didn’t feel that with this little girl. It is still hard because any family has to be better than no family. I decided to trust in the Lord’s plan and turn it over to Him. Tonight we learned that the little girl has found her forever family. I cried tears of joy. I’m just so happy and God is so good!
I must admit that I decided to go along with it and if she didn’t find a family and cycled through the agency again, then I would see what I could do. Why I do this I don’t know. Why I drag my feet after He has showed me time and time again His plan is always right, is anyone’s guess. I am turning it over faster and faster so I am making progress, but boy is it hard to say, “I don’t think I can do this!” I don’t like to admit that I couldn’t give this baby the time she deserved. I want to be able to do it all. It is very humbling to have to say “No” when you know what has been presented to you is not from God. It’s hard to just sit back, do nothing, and trust. As always God is good and He knew who her family should be. I am so, so happy. I love that there are so many families who will take these very sick kids and give them a chance to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. I will continue to pray for this family. They have a long road ahead of them, but her life is about to get a whole lot better. Praise God for that.
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Maisey Meilyn
The mission statement from the House of Hope that took care of Maisey.
“To comfort always, to relieve often, and to save sometimes.”
Have I mentioned how blessed I feel to be able to love this little girl?
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People…
So if you read my previous post, please disregard. It was a hoax. People have been posting on this Warrior Eli Facebook page for years and it was all a hoax. What could you possibly get out of that? This world and the people in it are so confusing sometimes. On that note, we will go to something much dearer to my heart.
It has been 2 months since we have gotten our little people. Life is definitely busier and everyone is figuring out there place in the family, with much more ease than I thought possible. Cassie has stepped up to help out where ever she can. Her oatmeal at night routine is nice (except when Maisey decides to use it as a exfoliant). Zach is definitely the wonderful big brother as can be found by the pink car he bought Maisey. Hope & Grace are the best big sisters. Right at this moment, Gracie is teaching Maisey how to properly bundle her Maisey doll and feed her a bottle. It’s pretty darn cute.
In two months, Benjamin & Maisey have found their place. They are happy-go-lucky little kids. They laugh all the time. They are exploring everything. I love how God brought us children so like our other children. Benjamin is quiet and curious and loves to build and play video games – just like Zachary. Maisey is all compassion and loving up on her babies and reading – just like her sisters. It’s very sweet watching them all play. They don’t hoard food. Benjamin does cry when we pass a KFC (so like his daddy). He loves KFC. Really any type of chicken. We have pretty much given him any kind of chicken he wants each and every day to help him grow. It’s like Hopey all over again. We had to add cream and butter to everything she ate to try and help her grow. Maisey is a different story she will try anything and everything. If she doesn’t like it, she will wait until you aren’t looking and throw it to the dogs, but she will at least try it.
Maisey wakes up laughing and giggling, ready to take on the day. I love that she will probably not remember any of the orphanage. I pray that she won’t. I’m afraid it won’t be that easy with Benjamin. He still has moments of post-traumatic stress like behavior. Sometimes something little will trigger him and his eyes just glaze over and he sobs. It doesn’t happen very often, but it breaks my heart every time it does happen. Once he wet through his diaper and it went through his little jeans, he hid from me in the corner and just hung his little head. We had to tell him over and over again that it was okay. That accidents happen. It happened when he spilled his drink too. He was so afraid. I’m not sure how much trouble he got in the orphanage, but I don’t think accidents were handled with grace that’s for sure.
It seems like they have been here forever. People ask me if I worry that they are delayed. Worldly things and goals aren’t really all that important. You help your child find their purpose in life and lead them the best you can. The best thing you can do is give them a good foundation in doctrine so that when life gets tough they turn to the Lord. In reality, what I want most is to lead them to Christ and build their faith. Then I want them to figure out their purpose, why God has them here, and help them achieve that purpose. The rest is just icing. They will learn their multiplication tables. They will figure out the states and capitals. If it takes them a little longer than others, it doesn’t matter. That is why I love homeschooling. No one judges them on other people’s standards. They are allowed to grow in their own time.
Mother’s Day was wonderful and relaxing. Cassie watched little ones all day. People treated me to all my favorites. Dan got extra bonus points for the best Mother’s Day presents ever….two little ones. Wonder what next year will bring?
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Loving life
I was thinking about how serious my blogs are most of the time. I was wishing I was wittier and more light-hearted. In reality, I love to laugh. I love to spend time making up musicals with my kids, they sing about everything even toast. I love the life that I am blessed to be able to live. So today I will post about what I’m grateful for and add a couple silly pictures just for fun.
I love my husband with my whole heart. I truly am blessed to be able to go through everything with him. He makes the bad times easier to handle. His is the witty one. He is the one who makes me laugh all the time. His one liners crack me up. We often joke about his comedy routine that he will do when he retires. It’s funny to me because most people think he is so serious. The Dan I know and love is humor and love and affection. I’m a blessed girl.
You all know how I feel about those kids of mine. I love home-schooling them because I get to spend so much time with them. I love that I can look at their face and instantly know how they are feeling. I love that we talk about everything and I do mean everything. I know they don’t tell me every thought they have. I know that sometimes it takes them time to come to me, but I also know they will come to me in their own time. I know that they know no matter what I will love them. I know that they are secure in their importance in my life. I know that they know when they walk in a room it brightens my day. I love that my opinion matters to them. I love to hear them quote the quotes I love. Gracie’s Code 1090 was proof of that.
I’m blessed with a wonderful extended family. My mom and my mother-in-law are two of my best friends. I have grandparents that are still around. In fact, they celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary yesterday, that deserves a shout out for sure! Brothers and sister-in-laws and nieces and nephews. Family is wonderful! I love Facebook because you get to see into the lives of people you aren’t lucky enough to visit with very often. Life is good!
Happy Friday everyone! Remember…. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. (Grace’s Code 1090)
Hope the Gangster
Yes, he is a ninja in a cozy coupe with a cell phone.
Just 1 of the 1,000 goofy faces she makes.
Wonder baby!
Mommy trying on a "Hats for Gracie" hat.
New towels from Elizabeth!
Benji in the middle!
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