Author Archive
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Jasmine’s Blog – First Time Meet Mama
*Jasmine started to write this blog and it made her very sad. She had about half of it written. It was taking a long time to write it out so we decided to try something different. She dictated her words to me and I typed them and then we google translated the last half and she corrected it.
第一次跟妈妈见面*茉莉花开始写这个博客，这让她很伤心。她了花费很长的时间写出来，所以我们决定尝试一些不同的方法。 她决定她说话给我听，我来打字。 我第一次跟妈妈见面的，她收养了我。她和我在沙发上坐了下来。她抱着我。我觉得奇怪，因为我从来没有人拥抱我。 但是妈妈抱着我的时候，我觉得我的心里如此温暖和充满爱。 我们回到了酒店。在酒店妈妈问我想吃什么东西？我说我想吃肯德基。妈妈去买肯德基回来。我吃肯德基。 这个真的好好吃。当我吃完了所有的肯德基，妈妈帮我洗澡。 我很害怕，当我见到妈妈。我不知道，她是不是很好还是不好的。我知道我的妈妈很好，因为在那个晚上，我要水，她去把它给我喝。 当我问别人给我弄水，他们就嚷嚷，说你不能有水喝， 如果你喝水你就会去便盆。 妈妈知道怎么唱。她唱歌，我不知道她说的话。我不明白，但我觉得妈妈很搞笑。有时候妈妈喜欢给我挠痒痒。 她妈妈很喜欢唱歌。我也很喜欢唱歌。妈妈喜欢跳舞。 妈妈和大姐带我去便盆。他们唱歌，我不明白。他们是非常愚蠢的。当我做的一切，他们会说耶！他们总是让我发笑。 我从来不知道傻了，直到我见到妈妈。 在晚上的时候，我和妈妈睡在一起。我很高兴，因为我觉得妈妈的小宝贝， 因为我从来都没有和自己妈妈睡觉在一起我的第一个mama.1 我的第一个妈妈，她不爱我。我小的时候我没有经常看到我的第一个妈妈非常多。 我不知道为什么第一个她妈妈不喜欢我。有一次我生病了。 我真的希望我的第一个妈妈能来看我在医院里，但是她不来看我。 那个时候，我真的很伤心。我说：“为什么妈妈不想来看我呢？” 我生病了，为什么她不来看我。我说，“她是我的妈妈吗？ 或不是我的妈妈？”她像我不是在她的肚子里生的。 有时候，我看到有一个爸爸还有妈妈带她们的孩子去什么地方玩呀的， 去吃饭，或者去逛街的呀，我为什么不能？有时候，我觉得很伤心， 因为我没有妈妈和爸爸要带我去什么地方，或者去什么地方玩， 或有乐趣的爸爸妈妈或。我只是住在一起，我奶奶和我的爷爷。 奶奶是好的。她带我去学校一点点。爷爷喜欢喝坏的东西。 他去上班。他不是很好。他会变当他喝酒。他会非常生气， 妈妈第一次来看我在孤儿院。她没有说什么给我。她只是看着我。我觉得很悲哀。我不明白为什么我的家人这样对我。我小的时候， 没有人爱我。我去学校，我没有人和我玩， 因为我不能走路只可以是坐在椅子上，因为我不能走路。 老师对我很好。孩子们还没有很好的。孩子们跑到外面玩耍的发挥。 我没有与任何人玩。 有一天，当我在学校我奶奶和我的叔叔和爷爷没有来接我回家。他们忘了我在学校里。一整天，晚上我坐在桌旁。他们来接我回家， 在晚上11点。我很喜欢这所学校，他们教了我很多。 我现在能去为3或4个月。我需要停下来， 因为我奶奶带我去孤儿院。 我的祖母告诉我，我们去看看我的哥哥。我没有看到我的哥哥。她走到我送到孤儿院，但她说她会来接我在新的一年。我哭了， 哭了。我很害怕。我不吃饭。保姆是可怕的。 我明白了做保姆与其他孩子，我很害怕。奶奶参观了我几次， 但她在新的一年后，再也没有回来。 孤儿院转移到另一座大楼。我们先住在老房子的5或10个孩子，然后我们去新楼。我看到奶奶有一次在新的建筑， 然后她永远不会再来。 当我年纪大了我的第一个妈妈又生了一个孩子。这个孩子得了病，总是去医院。我的第一个妈妈去医院她花所有的时间与宝宝。 我没有再见到那个孩子。我想我的奶奶带我去孤儿院， 她可以带的婴儿。我不知道。 有一天，在我生日那天我第一个妈妈来看我，在我奶奶家，她来看我，但我的叔叔送给我礼物。当她来到她不会给我的礼物， 连拥抱都给我她还是看着我。我不知道为什么。 我没有一个妈妈了13年。我几乎14，当我得到通过，并去美国。我喜欢有一个妈妈。它感觉很好有妈妈爱你。妈妈可以照顾你。 妈妈带我逛街，出去玩，去一起吃饭，做有趣的东西。 我妈妈陪着我在医院里。我做四次手术，她留在我身边所有的时间，我在医院里。她睡在我的房间。妈妈永远不会离开我在医院里呆着。 我喜欢妈妈陪着我在医院里。有时候我很生气， 因为我有很多不好的回忆，但妈妈不生气。妈妈让我冷静下来。 我知道我的妈妈是爱我的。First time I meet mama, she adopted me. She and me sat down on the couch. She hold me. I feel weird because I never had people hug me. But mama hug me, I feel my heart so warm and full of love.
We went back to the hotel. In the hotel mama ask me I want to eat what food? I said I want to eat KFC. Mama go buy KFC and came back. I eat KFC. It is really good. When I all done eat KFC, mama help me take a bath.
I was scared when I meet mama. I not know if she nice or not nice. I knew my mama was nice because in the night I ask for water and she go get it for me. When I ask others to get me water they would yell and say you can no have water because you have to go potty.
Mama knows how to sing. She sing and I don’t know what she saying. I don’t understand but I feel mama is very funny. Sometime mama like to tickle me. Mama she very like to sing. Me too I like to sing too. Mama like to dance.
Mama and big sister had to take me to the potty. They sing songs I don’t understand. They be very silly. When I all done, they yelled yay! They make me laugh. I never knew silly until I meet mama.
In the night I and mama sleep together. I very happy because I feel like mama’s little baby because I never sleep by my first mama.
My first mama she don’t loves me. I little I don’t see my first mama very much. I don’t know why first mama don’t like me. One time I get sick. I really hope my first mama can come see me in hospital, but she not come and see me. That time I really sad. I said, “Why mama don’t want to come see me?” I am sick so why she not come see me. I say, “Is she my mama or not my mama?” She act like I not in her tummy.
Sometimes I see the kids that have a daddy and mama that go play somewhere, go eat, or go shopping with kids, why can’t I? Sometimes I feel very sad because I don’t have daddy or mama that want to take me go somewhere or go play somewhere or have fun. I just live with my grandma and my grandpa. Grandma is nice. She take me go to school for a little bit. Grandpa like to drink bad stuff. He go to work. He not very nice. He get very mad when he be drinking.
Mama one time come to see me in the orphanage. She not say anything to me. She just look at me. I feel very sad. I don’t understand why my family do that to me. I feel like I little and nobody love me. I went to school and nobody played with me because I had to just sit on a chair because I not walk. Teacher was nice to me. The kids were no nice. The kids went outside to play for playtime. I not have nobody to play with.
One day when I was in school my grandma and my uncle or my grandpa no come and get me. They forget I at the school. I sit at the table all day and night. They come get me at 11 at night. But I like the school they teach me lots. I get to go for 3 or 4 months. I need to stop because my grandma take me to orphanage.
My grandma tell me we go see my brother. I no see my brother. She walk me up to the orphanage but she say she will come get me in New Year. I cried and cried. I was very scared. I do not eat. The nannies were scary. I see what the nannies do with the other kids and I was scared. Grandma visited me a couple times but she didn’t come back after the new year.
The orphanage moved to another building. We first lived in an old house with 5 or 10 kids and then we go to new building. I see grandma one time in new building and then she never come again.
When I was older my first mama had a baby again. This baby got sick and always go to the hospital. My first mama go to the hospital all the time with the baby. I didn’t see that baby again. I think my grandma took me to orphanage so she could take care of that baby. I don’t know.
One day on my birthday my first mama come to see me at my grandma’s house, she come and see me but my uncle gave me gift. When she come she not bring me gift, not hug me or look at me. I don’t know why.
I didn’t have a mama for 13 years. I almost 14 when I get adopted and go to America. I like having a mama. It feels so good to have a mama love you. Mama can take care of you. Mama takes me shopping, out to play, go eat together, and do fun stuff.
My mama stay with me in the hospital. I do four time surgeries and she stay with me for all the time I in the hospital. She sleep in my room. Mama never leave me in the hospital by myself. I like mama stay with me in the hospital. Sometimes I get mad because I have lots of bad memories but mama not mad. Mama just let me calm down.
I know my mama loves me.
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Assume Action
Yesterday was Dan’s birthday but it was me who got the present.
I had been in the basement cleaning. As I was in the basement, Jasmine and Elyse apparently had a very indepth conversation of the first time they met me. I know that Jasmine has been thinking a lot about this because she has told me her next blog is about me and her China mom. I am anxiously awaiting this blog because she does not talk about her China mom very much. Jasmine talks about her grandma who cared for her, but she has only mentioned her mom in passing, and the words were said with much pain.
I have told Jasmine over and over again that she can talk freely about her time in China and the people who cared for her, good or bad. I am not jealous that others loved her. In fact, it is just the opposite, I am thankful. Thankful that she knew love from others for a while. Thankful that people loving her showed her that taking a chance on family was a good thing. I am not happy she went through what she went through but I am thankful the road led her to us.
I once was nervous about being the adoptive mom. When we brought Hope home as a baby, I felt like it was a competition. Would her biological mom one day come back into her life and I would be forgotten? All those fears and questions that you have when you first start out. It didn’t take very long for me to understand those feelings weren’t true. Hope could love me and her bio mom. She could care about me and the woman who brought her into this world. It wasn’t a competition. It isn’t an either or thing.
I have explained that to Jasmine and to Elyse. It is okay to talk. It’s okay to care. You don’t have to forget. I want you to pray for the people you remember, good and bad. I want you to heal and know your place here is secure. I want you to know that you are forever a loved daughter and nothing could change this.
When we adopted Elyse, she had a very hard time with me. I was old and I was fat. These were not very appealing characteristics in her eyes. I cried and talked to Dan about this because, in the beginning, it hurt. The facts were true, I am overweight and I am old, but they still hurt. He would remind me over and over again that our children love me. When Elyse comes home she will see that love and she will want to be a part of that love, but I worried that maybe this would be the adoption that changed everything. This would be the adoption where the child never learned to love me. My heart would be hurt. How would I deal with this? I was afraid.
But last night Elyse gave me the sweetest gift. She asked for my forgiveness. She cried tears and told me that she was so sorry she hurt me. I reminded her that it hurt for the first couple of days but I got over it quickly. I hadn’t even thought about it in a long time. She said she didn’t know any better and she would have never said those things if she knew me. She cried and she cried.
I told her that is the way it often is in life. We judge people based on what we see. We are all guilty of it. I asked her if she learned anything from her mistakes and she said “oh yes!” These are the things I had always been afraid of.
I’m sharing this story because of this video that I watched this morning. Assume Action
“We’ve been so scared of so many things along the way. We’ll wrestle. Do we do it? Do we do it? And we are always terrified. We’ve done some scary things but each time as we start recounting the early days and it was so fun we just walked year by year to different things we did, and we just thought, “What if we didn’t do that?” We would have missed out. Like I’m so glad we just tried. We pursued.” – Francis Chan
These could have been words spoken by Dan and I. It’s always been scary. It’s always seemed like more than we could do. Always! Even in the beginning.
We can’t live through the death of a child. Yes, you can!
We can’t live for over a year in the hospital. Yes, you can!
We can’t adopt a child that may die. Yes, you can. Again and again and again!
We can’t handle a child with severe disabilities. Yes, you can!
We can’t heal hurting hearts. Yes, you can!
We can’t handle a large family. Yes, you can!
The list goes on and on and on.
We would have missed out. Don’t miss out. Take action! Assume God means for you to take action. No matter where your passion lies. God’s book lays it all out there. Care for the orphan. Care for the widow. Feed and cloth the poor. Take care of your brother. Love your neighbor. The need is great. Take action today! Don’t wait.
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Pain and Joy
I’ve seen a lot of heartache recently. I have watched friends stand by their children hopelessly unable to make it all better. Agonizing over long hospital stays and difficult decision. I have heard many question “Why would they adopt knowing this could happen?” or incredulously say “I could never do that.” or “Why would God let this happen?”
I don’t know why this happens. I don’t know why one story is one of miraculous recovery and another is of heartbreak. I can’t make head or tail of it. I try to fathom God’s plan and how it will all work together to bring Him glory and many times it is more than I can wrap my head around. We never want the bad to happen. We never want to take the difficult journey. We choose ease and comfort whenever we can. Even when we sign up for the bad, we do it with a heart full of hope for a miraculous outcome.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 How could anything bad ever be considered good?
As I was talking to a friend yesterday, we were discussing the what if’s. This was after a weekend which just about did my heart in. You can NOT discuss orphans without discussing the magnitude of them. You can not truly delve into the situation without your heart breaking. You can’t consider all those who wait, all around the world, and not feel helpless and unable to make a difference.
All you can do is proceed one child at a time because every child counts. Every child deserves a chance.
- Even though people are turning away from adoption.
- Even though there is not enough time or money to fix it all.
- Even though there is pain and heartache and turmoil.
- Even though your heart may be broken.
- Even though you can’t fix it all.
- Even though it is overwhelming.
You continue to proceed one child at a time, much like the starfish story.
My friends understand this. They have a clear picture of how fleeting life is. They are in the absolute worse situations possible and they give God the glory. They know that a life saved and loved is worth it. They rejoice over what they have been allowed to do, no matter the outcome. I do not wish for any of them to be on this journey but I know, from experience, that they will never be the same. God is growing them and shaping them. Their lives are not worse because of the pain. Their lives are immeasurably blessed by the joy that these children brought. Yes, their hearts will hurt. Yes, they will never be the same. But there is joy in the morning. There is joy in the good news. There is joy in the meeting again for all of eternity. Life on earth is but a small portion of forever.
I have talked with a few mamas on how pain and joy can coexist. How you can be going through the worst possible situation and still be thankful and joyful in the moment? One friend sent me this quote from Ann Voskamp – “Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don’t numb themselves to really living…. Yet I know it in the vein and the visceral: life is loss.”
The goal in life is not to be as comfortable and pain free as you can. The goal in life is to open your heart and love and make a difference.
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Why I Love LWB
I spent the last weekend in Atlanta with a group of men and women who have a heart for the orphan, specifically orphans in China. I heard many stories that brought tears to my eyes, I listened to Amy Eldridge talk about her recent trip to China and what a difference it has made to the children there, and I fell in love with this foundation just a little bit more.
This picture represents just a few of the people who make Love Without Boundaries what it is.
It’s funny what brings you to a place.
I had never heard of Love Without Boundaries four years ago.
- but reading Mary Beth Chapman’s book led me to Show Hope’s Facebook page
- a random comment I posted on a Show Hope page thanking their volunteers
- led me to a Show Hope worker responding to my comment and asking if they had cared for our children
- which led to them telling me that they had cared for Maisey
- which led to them telling me Maisey was New Hope’s 1,000th baby
- which led to them telling me about the book “House of Hope” (A MUST READ – you won’t be disappointed and you may even understand “why” a little bit more.) which talked about Maisey (Chaya)
- which led to us reading about Love Without Boundaries
- which led to us following their Facebook page and blog
- which led to us seeing Jasmine’s picture (Jasmine’s post)
- which led to one of the biggest blessings of my life – being allowed to parent Jasmine.
I believe so much in what LWB is doing. Education, nutrition, foster care, life skills training for older orphans, surgeries, healing homes, unity fund and advocating. The list goes on and on. I want to make a difference and I know what they do makes a difference. They believe every child counts and so do I!
This organization is run mostly by volunteers. What makes someone give so much of their time volunteering to an organization? What makes them want to give up hours and hours of their time to keep a foundation afloat? Why? Because what they do makes a difference They know that a child’s life is changed. They know they are doing something to make the world a better place. I am in awe of the time and energy these people spend helping a child in need. What a blessing. What a difference they make.
I loved hearing the stories of what brought people to Love Without Boundaries. Stories of seeing their child on an LWB page or adopting a child with a cleft lip and wanting to help other children with clefts. Time and time again I saw the tears of joy for being allowed to parent a child. Time and time again I saw the passion and love they have for these children.
There are many organizations asking for your time and your money. I understand that. I just want you to know that if you want to give to an organization that does what they say they will with your money, this is the place.
Soon Jasmine will have her own page on their fundraising page. Jasmine’s dream will continue to move forward to helping children stay with their families in China by helping children get the surgeries they need and helping older children find a home. She has a heart for both of these issues and her sisters are set on helping her dream come true.
My only request is that when you are considering giving that you consider Jasmine’s fund on LWB. Not only will you be helping an orphan, but you will be helping make my girl’s dream come true. It’s a win-win situation.
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Jasmine’s Journey
Dan and I often talked about what it meant for a 14 year old child to leave her country and everything she has ever known without so much as a tear. We worried about her when she didn’t cry tears over lost friends. Jasmine met us with a smile on her face and she smiled through the weeks in China and the trip home. We asked the guides numerous times to find out what she was thinking. We asked if she had any questions. We were prepared for the tantrums and the fights, but none came. In fact, the only question she ever asked was “Would we give her away in America?” How could this be? How could that be the only question?
It was almost a year later when we first started to find out why she never cried when she left her homeland. Jasmine had been told that by coming to America she could be healed. She would walk. This hope had kept her alive for years. Add to that the fact that she had been told that the only life for her, would be one in an institution, where she would be beaten and not fed and surely die. Yes, they did tell her these things, and well, she was more than ready to take a chance on this family that showed up and showed her love. She was ready for a change and ready for a chance.
I haven’t shared a lot about the struggles Jasmine has had these past few months, but they have been heartbreaking. At first I believed that the extended hospitalization triggered some bad memories locked away from previous hospital stays where she was left alone, which is partially the reason, but the full reason was that Jasmine had lost hope. She had lost the hope, that had been so fully embedded in her mind, the hope that had kept her going for years, that she would one day be healed and would walk.
Even though we told her time and time again that her spinal fusion would only straighten her back and help her breathe easier, she still held out hope that she would walk after the surgery. When she ended up being even weaker than she was before, it was too much to take. She lashed out with words that cut deep. She screamed. She cried. She raged. Some days it was for a couple hours and some days it would last eight, nine or ten hours.
Compounding the issue was that Jasmine has no coping skills. No one had ever taught her what to do with her anger. Yes, she is sixteen both physically and mentally, but emotionally she was a toddler. No one has ever taught her how to work through her problems. Many days she would be ok, but the light had left her eyes. We wondered if we would ever see that beautiful, joyful, straight-from-the-soul smile again.
We worked hard at reminding her of her worth, but when you have heard you are worthless your whole life it’s hard to believe. We told her that she could accomplish much. We reminded her that her strength would come back, anyone would have felt weaker after lying flat on their back for a month. We reminded her of her dream that she talked about in the hospital and before. We told her God has big plans for her. We told her that she could make a difference but even though her head understood what we were saying her heart just couldn’t accept it.
We shared Rick Warren’s quote (Which Dan and I fully believe from our life experiences.) – “Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. Don’t waste your pain; use it to help others.”
She wasn’t lashing out every day but it took very little to make her angry. Everyone in the house walked around on pins and needles afraid that they might say something to her. Even the littles were affected. They no longer ran to Jasmine for a book to read or to show her something they did. Most of the lashing out was saved for me. I had a really hard time with this because Jasmine and I had had a really close loving relationship. It was me she shared her fears with. It was me that she told her nightmares and her stories of abuse. Dan reminded me time and time again that the reason she said those things to me was that she felt safe with me. It was because she knew that I would still love her and would never leave her that she felt safe sharing. Even though I knew this truth, it was hard not to react sometimes. Sometimes I was proud of my responses, often times I was not. Sometimes I made things better and sometimes I made things worse.
We tried to remind her of her wish to help orphans. We came up with the name Jasmine’s Dream based on her comments from one of her surgeries. As she was getting set up for one of her many surgeries after her wound infection, the anesthesiologist started talking to Jasmine. The doctor told Jasmine that often times the medicine helps you to dream. She asked Jasmine what she was going to dream about. Jasmine merely stated, “I am going to dream that one day there will be no more orphans.” The room went silent. The doctor later told me that she was so touched by this comment. There was no dreaming of vacations on the beach or shopping trips. The anesthesiologist told me she would remember this forever.
Jasmine’s Dream was created to continue the work we have already done during the past two years sponsoring children and helping others adopt. Jasmine and Grace have both raised funds for nutrition programs at Jasmine’s orphanage. We wanted Jasmine to fully grasp that she could make a difference. We wanted her to know that she had worth no matter what but that her time on this earth was no a mistake. She was not a mistake. Dan found her a copy of the Purpose Driven Life in Chinese and English. The second chapter is called “You are NOT an Accident”. This chapter has taken on new meaning in our house.
As it often is with our children, hearing it from another source made what we were saying even more believable. She started to quote the book. She started to believe that her life had meaning. She started to dream about Jasmine’s Dream again. She asked me one day if she could start by helping 1,000 children? I told her it was possible and I made her a board to write down the names of the children we have helped. We were all amazed when we realized that we had helped 86 children so far. It’s hard to know how many children their $8,000+ helped with the nutrition program (Heroes for Healing) so we say 86+.
She started telling her siblings about how to apply the lessons taught in the book. She talks about forgiveness. She talks about her life having meaning. I knew Jasmine was finally getting it when she came to me and said that if she hadn’t been an aging out child in China, she wouldn’t care about aging out teens. If she hadn’t been abandoned by a grandma that cared, then she wouldn’t understand and want to help children stay together by getting the surgeries that they need in China. If she hadn’t been allowed to be adopted, she would never have learned about God’s love.
Is she completely healed? Of course not. The past pains and hurts are many. It will take a while for her to fully accept that the limitations of her body are forever. BUT she has made huge progress and that smile is back on her face. Jasmine has a very special soul. She is a very, very special girl. I love to watch others interact with her. It’s one of those things that you can’t even explain. I fully believe that God has plans for her and she has already affected many lives. The fact that she now believes it too makes this mama’s heart very, very happy.
If you would like to follow along, we have started a group page for her on Facebook called Jasmine’s Dream. We are working with Love Without Boundaries (LWB) to set up a fund on their page for her. LWB advocated for Jasmine and they are the reason we found her. Dan and I believe so fully in this foundation that we serve on the board of directors.
We are ready to help our girl achieve her dream. What a blessing it would be if there truly were no more orphans in the world. What if we could help families stay intact? What if we could provide support for those who were struggling? What if instead of adoption numbers plummeting people saw the need and stepped up – one child at a time? What if there were more foster homes? What if no child aged out? What if Jasmine’s dream became reality? What if….???? Please consider being a part of helping my girl’s dream come true.
You can ADOPT – FOSTER – SPONSOR A CHILD – VOLUNTEER – DONATE – EDUCATE!
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I LOVE Adoption (By Gracie)
Hi my name is Grace and I’m 10 years old. I’m one out of 14 children. I never dreamed that I was going to have 13 siblings but I am happy. I have lupus and there’s 10 other siblings with different sicknesses. I know some people think that adopting is crazy but I LOVE it!
Sometimes it brings sadness and sometimes happiness. Don’t be sad if they don’t adjust to you right away. I learned that the hard way. My mom and dad adopted the first two Ben and Maisey. They were scared. They didn’t adjust to me right away. I was so confused by that because I was only six years old. I didn’t know how to respond to them because they were in an orphanage where they got hurt and people were just mean and cruel to them. They were afraid for a little bit but they love to play. They left my little sister to die. I don’t understand because she is so happy and I’m just so happy that she’s my little sister. Ben Ben was very little and very sick and he wanted to eat all the time. He was so blue.
It was one or two years later and we were going to adopt Evie and Eli and Laney and Jasmine. Jasmine was going to be 14. When you turn 14 in China and you’re in a orphanage you get sent to an institution. But when I learned what an institution was I did not want her to go to one because there is people who aren’t nice and she’s in a wheelchair that would just make it so much harder for her so I gave up dance and tumbling just so we could get her. Lainey who’s gotten so far she used to just rage all day but now she’s happy. She plays. She says I love you mom and she says I love you Dad. She said hey Lainey.
Evie she was really blue but after her heart surgery she called herself a princess. Now she only responds to Princess Evie and she’s happy. Eli has a heart defect too but he was as blue as Evie. He is silly and likes to dance.
Two years later my mom and dad adopted Elyse and Max. Max has no ears at all. Elyse is in a wheelchair. Elyse was not in orphanage her whole life. Elyse told me she had a foster mom and dad but her foster dad was mean and drank bad stuff and he hit her. That made me sad. I like having a sister my own age. We share a room. Max is very silly and he loves to dance even though he can’t really hear the music.
All of these children that I’m talking about are my Chinese siblings I have one more sibling who was adopted Hope who is 16 and she was adopted in the US. I love Hope so much. I love my family. Someday I am going to adopt 20 kids too.
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A Weekend to Remember
So many things went wrong that weekend and yet Cassie & Reece’s wedding and reception were beautiful.
Elyse ended up in the ER on Saturday night. We got home at 4:30 a.m. I slept from 5 to 8 and started getting ready. I would have slept longer but Lainey rarely ever sleeps past 5:30 and the fact that she went back to sleep from 5 to 8 had to be a gift from God.
As the day went on we continued to season the meat and get the other items all ready for the nacho bar at the reception. Zach picked up the cake at 11:30 and got lunch for the kids. We had to have all the tables and our supplies to the reception area at 1, which was the earliest we could get in to set up. I laced up Cassie at 1:30. I then ran home to start getting the kids ready because we had to be back to the church for pictures at 3:45. I realized as we were packing up all the food in the coolers that there was no way I was going to be able to drop off the food and still get to the church on time for pictures. Dan and Zach headed to the reception area to drop off the food and crock pots, etc.
At this point they still had Cassie’s backdrop for the wedding in their van. She wanted really simple decorations. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that. She choose book pages for “the next Chapter” in her and Reece’s life. Her back drop was two 4×8 pieces of plywood with book pages randomly mod podged all over. Reece and Cassie wanted a Bible verse across the top. Dan had the great idea to get someone to do a custom vinyl cut out. Vinyl Motivations did a great job, reasonably, and quick!
Cassie made all her flowers out of book pages. My mom made wedding flowers for many weddings when Cassie was younger. Cassie and my mom had talked about what flowers they would use for her wedding ever since Cassie was a little girl. Cassie was heartbroken over the fact that Nana couldn’t make them and she just couldn’t do what nana and her had dreamed of.
Cassie even chose a Bible with writing margins to be her guest book. She wanted her quests to share their favorite verse and for her to be reminded every time they opened their Bible how many people came to celebrate with them.
At 3:45 we were still at home loading the bus. I let Cassie know how late we were going to be. As I was driving to the church at 4, I realized there was no way I could get the food set up and be back for the ceremony. I had to call in reinforcements. At Cassie’s pre-wedding dinner, Teressa (mother of the maid of honor) had offered to help me. I called her and she said she would be there. I also called Amy, our pastor’s wife and my friend, and told her my dilemma. These two families not only showed up to take care of things but they stayed throughout the night and helped clean up. Without them we would have been eating out of coolers. They were a HUGE blessing of the day.
I had hoped to be able to be there at 5 and show them what food needed to go where and I didn’t even make that, as pictures were still going on at 5:15. These two families were such a God send. I can’t even tell you what that did for my heart to have two families step up at the very last minute and save the day.
Lainey had a reaction to the sequins on her dress and was raging and refused to be in any pictures. We forgot her formula and the snacks for the kids. All of Cassie’s bridesmaids were in the restroom dressing my children for pictures. I put a run in not one but two pairs of panty hose. Lainey refused to put her dress back on, but Cassie wanted her to be on the video, so Lainey went down the aisle in a t-shirt, shorts, and no shoes.
Dan’s mom couldn’t attend because Dan’s brother, Rod, was dying. Dan had to walk Cassie down the aisle knowing at the same time his brother could pass away at any time. It was so hard on his heart.
We had bought Cassie’s dress so long ago. At the age of 18, with no serious boyfriend, Cassie purchased her wedding dress. We had seen the dress when she was buying her Miss Iowa pageant dress. We knew the owner of the store and Cassie told her someday she would buy a dress just like that one. A few months later, when the owner decided to close the store, she called us to tell us she still had that dress and it was greatly reduced in price. We laughed about trying on a wedding dress without a wedding in the future but we did it anyway. Dan’s mom, my mom and Aunt Kay, the three ladies that always took Cassie shopping, went with her to watch her try on the dress. It was just $300 dollars and we decided it was worth the price to just let it hang in the closet for a few years. Thank God that we made that purchase because not one of those three lovely ladies, who meant so much to Cassie, were able to be at the wedding. My mom and Kay had passed away and Dan’s mom was with Rod. Cassie was filled with wonderful memories of the day she purchased the dress even though she was sad they couldn’t be with her.
When I walked into the reception, I was blown away. Cassie had chosen simple decorations for the tables because there were going to be many children at the reception. She chose black vinyl tablecloths with butcher block paper so kids could draw. There were little books to read and crayons to color with. She had crowns for them to color and wear. Although, I saw many adults wearing the crowns too. She even made her flower stems colored pencils.
Cassie and Reece’s friends guided by Reece’s sister, Bailey, had a couple of hours to decorate the reception area. They did such a wonderful job. It all looked so pretty when we walked in.
The guests showed up, there was food to eat, the dance floor and DJ were in place, and the party went off without a hitch.
Dan said it wasn’t fair that he was the only one to get to dance with Cassie so he came up with the plan that after they started the father/daughter dance, he would motion to us, and we would circle Cassie with the whole family.
Even though it was Sunday night, Reece’s friends stayed to help tear down. They packed up the 41 tables to return them. The Edwards and the Jakes stayed until the very end to help us clean up.
I asked Reece about all the guys who came to help him set up. He said that’s what they do at their church. It’s a young church. Everyone helps everyone else so when it’s your special day there is nothing to do. I like that. That is what a church should look like everyone coming together to help you celebrate and to help you when things aren’t going well. People that graciously drop whatever they are doing to step in and take up the slack and then go above and beyond and they do it all with a smile on their face.
It was a day filled with bumps and hurdles and issues that could have ruined the whole day but in the end it turned out beautifully. Reece kept saying, “We have her dress and I have my suit, today we are getting married. Everything else will be just fine.”
Isn’t that the truth though? We let little things ruin our whole day. We need to keep our eyes on the big picture. Even though there were little hurdles throughout the day, there were always friends to help us out. The day turned out beautifully!
Happy marriage Reece and Cassie! May your life be filled with many blessings and may the trials only bring you closer to God. May your journey be filled with friends, family, laughter and love!
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Jasmine’s Blog – My Dream
Jasmine has a dream. We are working with Love Without Boundaries to set up a fund for her to help with adoption grants for children who are aging out and desperately need a family. Love Without Boundaries (LWB) was the group that advocated for Jasmine to be adopted.
Jasmine was one of those aging out children. In fact, we adopted her just two weeks shy of her 14 birthday. In China, after the age of 14, you are no longer able to be adopted. She has decided to make this her life’s goal.
Jasmine’s story also tells of a grandma who tried to care for her but was no longer physically able to. For this reason, Jasmine would like to help with the Unity Fund too. This is LWB’s initiative to help families stay together. It provides medical care that the family can not afford it so that they may keep their child and not have to abandon them.
It’s easy to stand on this side of the world, where we can walk into any ER for treatment, and stand in judgment of these parents. But we can’t even grasp what it takes for some of these parents to let their children go in hopes that they can get the treatment they need.
Jasmine’s two sisters, Grace and Elyse, are a big part of this plan. These girls divide their allowance and send it off to children who capture their heart. It’s a beautiful bond and a beautiful thing to watch.
We have set up a new Facebook page for Jasmine to highlight some of these children and to raise awareness for them called Jasmine’s Dream.
Here is her most recent blog.
MY DREAM
我的梦想
我的梦想是想帮助孤儿。我的希望是有一天世界上会没有孤儿。
我想帮助一些青春年孩子，因为他们非常想要家庭。
他们想有家庭的爱。我还希望当他们生病和动手术的时候， 他们的父母能陪在他们身边，这样她们就不会害怕了。 我觉得我长大了之后我会结婚。我想在我30岁的时候收养很多的小
孩，因为中国说你得等到30岁的时候才能收养小孩。 我觉得我不会生小孩，因为我是非常的想收养小孩。 我想当一个好妈妈，就像我的妈妈一样，让我的孩子在家里上学。 我会教他们英语、美国手语、和中文。我好期待去完成我的梦想 ️！
My dream is to help orphans. My hope is that one day there are no more orphans in the world.
I want to help some older kids, because they want a family very much. They want to have a family’s love. I also hope that during their sickness and surgeries, their parents would sit beside them, so they wouldn’t be scared.
I think I will get married when I grow up. I want to adopt kids when I turn 30, because China said you have to wait until you are 30 to adopt. I think I wouldn’t have babies, because I want to adopt so much. I want to be a good mom, like my mom, and homeschool my kids. I will teach them English, ASL (American Sign Language), and Chinese. I can’t wait to complete my dreams.
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Happy Father’s Day
Someday I am going to get my husband to write a blog post about what it feels like to be the father of 14 children, but for now I will just write a post about my husband from my point of view. I write about the children and our adoption journey a lot. I don’t often write about Dan, mainly because he is a pretty private guy. He prayed long and hard about our blog when we decided to write about our adoption journey. He felt that the benefit of others seeing adoption first hand trumped his need to be private.
Dan and I started dating when he was 15 and I was 16. We had the usual high school romance with on again, off again issues. We got back together shortly after high school and were married when he was 19 and I just turned 20.
He decided to become a physician after the twins were born. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of babies. He wanted to change their outcomes. He didn’t want other families to go through the pain that we had gone through with the death of Kyle and the extended hospitalization of Codey.
He fulfilled that dream after 15 long years of training and has now had the perfect job for over 14 years. He is still able to do his clinical work and he also has the honor of being Clinical/Quality improvement director for a large company. This job allows him to teach others about how important it is to not only take care of the patient but to truly care about the patient.
During his fellowship, he fell in love with a little girl in his care. She had a major heart defect and her pre-adoptive parents had backed out. Her biological mom had decided not to treat and Dan was left with the task of stopping her treatment. He couldn’t do it. That is the kind of man he is. I love that about him. I will forever remember his call and how my heart felt when he said he had bought this baby some booties and stuffed animals because her little bed looked so bare. Little did we know where this journey would lead.
Sixteen years later and she is a thriving healthy teenager.
A few years later, we added Gracie. Our family was complete or so we thought.
One of my favorite family pictures!
People often talk about reluctant husbands in the adoption world. In our family, I was the reluctant one. I was the one dragging my feet because I was unsure about adopting at the age of 45. Dan felt like we needed to do something about the orphan crisis. He never pressured. He just prayed. He knew if it was truly what God wanted I would agree to it.
When we set off on this journey, we thought we would adopt two. We never intended to adopt eight in three years. We were just following God’s lead. We’ve learned in our marriage that God’s plan is always best. Even when you are fearful. Even when that first step is so scary. Even when you can’t possibly see how it could work. It is always best to follow God’s lead.
Our children have instantly known that they were safe. It’s my favorite thing about the day when we first met them. Every one of our children has gone to him. Ben grabbed on and never let go. Ben’s first word was daddy.
Ben and daddy
Dan gets down to their level and they know it’s going to be ok.
Our children have a safe shoulder to lie on…
Someone who will be there with them no matter what…
Someone to be silly with…
Strong arms to keep them safe…
A lap that will hold one or two…
or more…
Someone to celebrate the big moments…
and little moments with…
A hand to hold…
Someone to help you when you can’t quite reach…
We’ve been through a lot together. Dan is not just my husband. He is my best friend. Many would consider the life we have lived as hard or unlucky but we both know we are blessed. Blessed to have met so young. Blessed to have so many little blessings that we get to wake up to each day. Blessed to have a child who waits for us on the other side. Blessed to have the hope of forever. Blessed to have had 30 years.
It is Dan who has taught me the life lessons that have helped me most.
When I was young and hurting and afraid to trust. It was Dan who reminded me that I have the choice to wake up every morning expecting bad things to happen or to trust in his love. Those words allowed me to trust God and God’s love for me. It was Dan who showed me what a true relationship with Christ is. It was Dan who taught me that life is all about perspective. I can decide to be grateful or I can be bitter and angry and never appreciate anything.
We chose to date when we were young. We chose to stay together when things were tough. The death of a child is hard on many marriages.
We sealed the deal in China when we put our names on our lock on the great wall. (The idea is that you have to break the lock to end your relationship and China is a long ways away.)
Every day I get to see Dan in action. He loves his children. He would do anything for his children. He keeps them safe and provides for them. He isn’t perfect, none of us are, but his heart is always in the right place.
I am blessed to have walked this journey with this man. Our family has changed a lot in the last three years. Not many men would sign up for this, but I am blessed that Dan knows what is truly important. He knows that life isn’t about the things you can acquire. It’s about figuring out the plan God has for you and using your gifts to the best of your abilities. Time and time again Dan has followed God’s lead where others would never go. He has said “why not?” even when he had hundreds of reasons to say no and my life has been forever blessed by those words.
Happy Father’s Day Dan! We all love you so much!
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I Hate Indifference
I know hate is a pretty harsh word, but I am having a hard time being quiet about it. Maybe I should have titled it I Hate Indifference or How our Family Decided to Try and Make a Difference! We no longer wish to suffer from depraved indifference.
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Recently I was in the ER with Elyse. Our visit was in the middle of the night and she shared many, many things with me. I can’t even begin to tell you how hard it is to listen to your child tell you of their abuse in such a matter of fact way. No tears or shaking or trembling of the voice, just words said normally like they happened to someone else or as if they deserved it.
In January, when we adopted Elyse, she was an over-the-top, bubbly, joyful child, but she told us over and over again that she would NOT be learning English. She said she would stay with us awhile but she was not going to be a part of all this family stuff. Her heart was definitely still in China. I was so worried that she would not bond. I knew that it was going to take forever to reach her and that hurt my heart.
When Jasmine ended up in the hospital for so long, just weeks after we got home, I thought it would take even longer to bond, but just the opposite happened. Because Elyse, who is very talkative could no longer communicate, she had to learn English. She spent more time with other family members besides Jasmine. She found out that she missed Dan and I. She decided she really liked having parents and lots of brothers and sisters.
In this past month we have seen a huge turnaround. She loves to tell people she is an American. She tells me that she loves me and that she is sorry for the way she treated me in China. She is the first to ask if I’m okay or if I need anything. She has asked that we only use her English name. At first, I didn’t understand why the change came about but I was thankful that my early worries about her not attaching to the family were wrong.
In the ER, as she was telling me about what happened to her in China, she also told me that she now knew that she didn’t deserve to be hit. She said that she knew if people truly loved you then they would protect you. She told me Dan and I taught her that. She said I love my family and I want to stay here forever. This was a huge break through for her and the first steps in helping her to heal.
I have a hard time with the abuse stories and the neglect stories. I know they aren’t everyone stories but they belong to too many orphans. Too many orphans are abandoned because their parents can not provide the care they need. Too many orphans end up abused and forgotten. Too many children are neglected world wide and I know it isn’t just an orphanage issue. It happens here and all around the world. Children are being trafficked. Children are growing up alone and sent into the world alone.
But if you ask most people they have no clue this is going on or to what degree it happens. I know I didn’t know. I lived in my own little world and didn’t believe that I could do anything about the world’s problems. Truth-be-told, I didn’t think the world problems were any of my concern, but I was wrong. Indifference is in epidemic forms right now. We care so much about me, me, me and we have forgotten what God has called us to do.
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:4
Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. 1 John 3:17-18
He who gives to the poor will never want, But he who shuts his eyes will have many curses. Proverbs 28:27
Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. James 1:27
These are just a few. We know we are commanded, but we are too busy or too poor or too (insert excuse here) to do anything about it. We all do it. It seems overwhelming. What can one person do? I’d be the first to admit that. I am not here to lecture but merely to remind you that you can make a difference.
Everyone can make a difference. The first choice is to stop being indifferent and open your eyes.
Our family chose to make a difference when we couldn’t let Hope die alone in the hospital. The kids were little (Zach was 11 and Cassie was 6) but they understood no child should die alone in the hospital without a name or people to love them. I didn’t think about it in the term “we were making a difference”. We just did what we felt was the right thing to do.
When we chose to adopt again, everyone in the family was on board. I will admit that we didn’t fully understand the plight of the orphan until we stepped foot in an orphanage, but we quickly began to understand.
We decided that this would be our family mission. We wanted to raise awareness for the orphan. We wanted to spread the news about adoption. Many people complain that adoption is too hard or too expensive but I am telling you the cost is much greater when we do nothing. The cost of souls that believe they are worth nothing and deserve to be abused is too great. You want to save lost souls? What better way than to show them the love of the Father?
We can no longer do nothing.
I have read this verse in the Bible many times.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22
And then I read it in the King James version. For some reason, it had more impact on me.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only…
BE DOERS!!!!
That is pretty clear. So what are you doing?
We realized that our family was probably done adopting but there were so many more children who wait. How could we just stop? How could we do nothing? We decided to join with Love Without Boundaries because they helped us find two of our daughters through their advocating on their blog. The more we learned of their programs the more in love with this organization we were. They do what they say they are going to do with the money received. They have a 4 star rating on Charity Navigator. They have a cleft exchange, education programs, the Unity Fund (which helps families stay in tact by getting their child the surgery they need), foster care programs and more. When you sponsor a child or give towards a surgery, you get updates. Ever wondered where your money goes when you send off a check to an organization? Well, wonder no more.
So what is stopping you from being a doer?
Right now LWB is trying to help a mother who has been using social media to reach out to others to try and get her children medical help. It’s amazing how hard this mother has fought and now there is hope. Can you imagine not being able to get the care you need for your children? Won’t you please consider joining with LWB and help them get the care they need? (A mother’s plea)
Start here. Every dollar counts. Then open your eyes to what God lays before you. Is there a neighbor who needs helps? A widow? A single mother? Be a doer!!!!
Anne Frank says it best – “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
(This video is almost 8 minutes long but it is worth every minute.)
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