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Jasmine’s Blog – My purpose for Life
Before I had my surgery, I wondered what I could do with my life. I didn’t know if there was any way I could help people. I can not move very much so I didn’t think I could do very much but mama and daddy say God has a purpose for me. They keep telling me this even though I didn’t believe them.
Mama and daddy gave me Joni Aereckson Tada’s book. Joni’s story is like mine because she could not move and she wondered what purpose her life could have. One day Joni says that she was living a life that was selfish and all about herself. She realized that she could do something to fulfill her purpose for God. Many, many people believe in God because they heard Joni’s story.
After my surgery, I was mad that I couldn’t walk. I thought the surgery would fix me. I had hard time and was very mad for over a year. Mama and daddy talk to me a lot about how my story is like Joni’s and I could make a big difference in the world even though I can not walk. They said I can help people. They said I can help kids get adopted. They said I can let other people know what it is like to be an older child who was adopted. I can tell people about life in the orphanage. I can tell people about God. Mama and daddy say that Joni is a very good role model to have.
Sometimes I still have a hard time seeing how God can use my life. But sometimes God lets me see the people I help. Sometimes they write to me on my blog. Sometimes I hear stories that people tell my mom. And sometimes I get to see how my life affected someone else’s.
Right now in China there is a little girl who just got adopted by a nurse who took care of me during my back surgery. I am happy that God let this nurse take care of me and that she heard about adoption and China. She is a really nice nurse.
Mia is a really cute little girl. I am happy she gets to come home to this very good family.
Sometimes life is very sad and we hear about kids who die and can’t get anything to help them. Sometimes I feel sad because there are so many kids that I can’t help. But it’s really nice when there is a happy story that I get to share. I had a little part to do with Mia getting adopted and that makes me very, very happy.
My life does have a purpose and I can help people. We all can help people. We all can do something. That’s a pretty cool thing to think about.
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The Kindness of Strangers
Today we had to head to the doctor’s office for some routine things. The kids asked if they got ready early if I would take them to Burger King. Since today was the first day of our winter break, I decided that would be fun. They worked together and we left early enough to get food.
I ordered the food and the cashier asked me questions about our food and our bus. We talked about a little of everything while we waited for the 7 large fries and many nuggets. We talked about everything from adoption to sauce packets. We joked about how I don’t ask for sauce packets for the nuggets because the kids share the nuggets and there are never enough packets to go around. Today there were extra sauce packets and a few more nuggets at the bottom of our sack.
Little kindnesses from a stranger that brightened our day.
The middles needed some vaccines so I checked them all in at the office. JJ’s titers came back low and she needed a booster to be able to be put on the active transplant list. Everyone has to be up-to-date before we start the transplant. The middles all told me they could handle it so I stayed in the bus with the littles. The staff at our physicians office is so kind. One of the office staff even offered to sit on the bus with the littles so I could be with the middles. I told her it was fine, and thanked her for the offer. They told me to let them know any time I needed help. They even told me I could call them when I pull in the drive and they will get the door for the girls in the wheelchairs.
More kindnesses that make life just a little bit easier for a mom of many.
We decided it was so beautiful out that we should grab a few things at Target. As I started to unload the bus, a car came up beside us. We were parked quite a ways out in the parking lot so I thought it was a little strange for someone to park next to us. Then I noticed that the woman got out of the car and was coming over to talk to me. I hate to admit that my first thought was “Now what?” I’ve had people yell at me for taking up four spots with our bus. It’s one of the reasons we park way out in the lot. We need room to put down the lift and we don’t fit in a handicap spot so there aren’t any options besides taking up four parking spots.
Anyway, this women started her conversation with “You don’t know me, but I work with your husband.” Now that is one I have heard before so I started to relax. This women went on to say that she had recently had a kidney transplant and she thought JJ might want to meet her. I thanked her for stopping and told her it would take a while to get out of the bus, but that I was sure that JJ would love it. JJ is pretty quiet but JJ was touched by this women who took the time to stop and talk to her. JJ went on and on about how good this women looked after her transplant, which was only 5 weeks ago.
This women didn’t need to take the time to stop, but she did and by doing so her kindness helped ease a little girl’s worried heart.
When we were shopping at Target, a lady went by and said something we hear quite often, “Boy do you have your hands full.” Often times comments are made at the kids and it makes them feel bad. They don’t always understand why people say what they do. I guess this is a comment we have heard a few too many times because as the woman was walking away, Elyse yelled, “Our hearts are pretty full too.” The lady stopped in her tracks and came back to apologize. She said that she wasn’t criticizing me. She said she was just commenting on our large family. She was very friendly so we talked a bit, I smiled and thanked her, and off she went.
We ran into her again in the back of the store. She commented on how polite the kids were every time they answered me with “Yes mama!” I told her that they were wonderful kids most of the time. I told her I was blessed to be their mama. She asked, Are they all on the good list?” and I said, “Of course!” We wished her a Merry Christmas and off she went again.
A little while later she found me back in the other corner of the store. She handed me a gift card, told me what a great job I was doing, and wished me a Merry Christmas. I was too stunned to say much of anything besides “thank you”. She took me completely by surprise.
She didn’t need to buy a card or come find me again, but she did, and in doing so she showed our children that not everyone is negative towards big families. They were so touched by her generosity. This will stay with them a very long time. I wish I had been quick enough to get her name so the kids could have sent her a thank you. Some where there is a stranger that brightened my day. I cried all the way home. It touched my heart that much. I hope someone who reads this blog, hears this story and knows who this woman is and will send her our heartfelt thanks.
Part of me feels guilty because I am sure there are families that need it so much more, but the other part of me is thankful that she took the time to talk to the kids and to make them feel special. She went out of her way to show them she cared. We get lots of people who stare and count. There’s always a whole lot of counting going on when we pass by with our line of kids and carts, but we don’t often get a “hello” or a simple kind word. I’m sure most people don’t know what to say. I get that. I do that too.
Today was filled with the spirit of Christmas and I can’t thank those people enough. It was a really wonderful day for the kids. Our day was filled with little kindnesses and words of encouragement. We will do our part to pay it forward. This is my reminder to all of you that your kind words and acts of kindness really do make a difference.
I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. – Charles Dickens
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A Gift for My Heart
A week or so ago I stood in line at Target waiting with a cart full of items. The girl behind me had one item. I tried numerous times to get her to go ahead of me. She refused, said she wasn’t in a hurry, and stayed in line behind me. Other lanes opened up and still she stood there.
She listened as the cashier and I talked about why I had so much stuff in my cart. The elderly cashier was a little chatty, very kind, and not in a huge hurry. She kept asking questions as she worked. I told her that we had 16 kids, 13 still at home. She told me she was one of 12. She said she loved big families. She asked if I had given birth to all our kids. I told her we had adopted 11. We continued to talk about adoption and how blessed I felt.
As I was getting ready to leave the girl behind me spoke. She told me that she too came from a family of 12. She told me that her mom adopted her out of the foster system. She asked me if I ever resented having to buy so much stuff for the kids. I told her that I have never resented having to buy cartloads of stuff and was very blessed to be able to do so. She continued to say that her mom always seemed so happy and she always wondered if her mom was happy when the kids weren’t around to watch. She was thrilled to see another adoptive mama be happy to buy for her children.
Today I told Cassie that I needed some items at Target. Cassie said, “Let’s take everyone with us.” I thought, It’s a Saturday. It’s only a couple weeks before Christmas. “Sure! Why not? That sounds like a great idea!?!?!” hahaha We shopped with our row of kids – 1 double cart holding 4 kiddos, 3 wheelchairs, and Reece and Cassie walking with the others. We ran into a couple of people we knew. We joked with others about being a parade. We picked up what we needed to finish decorating the front of our house and headed to the front of the store to check out.
Reece noticed an open lane and we headed for it. We just happened to get the same elderly lady that checked me out a week or so before. She told me how sweet the kids were and how glad she was that she got to meet them. Once again there was a lady behind us who commented on what we had in our cart. She looked at all our kids and said, “Oh my goodness, are they all yours?” I laughed and said, “Yes!” I know most people aren’t being rude. They are just surprised. The cashier however said, “And I think it’s a good thing!” I’ve never been defended by a cashier before. It was kind of cute. We checked out and all the kids wished her a Merry Christmas.
We’ve been trying hard to get the house decorated for JJ and Liam. It’s always fun to light up the house big for the kiddos who have never had a Christmas before. The lighted garland I bought didn’t fit right so I headed back to Target by myself. I just happened to end up in the same cashier’s lane. I laughed and commented on her being on lane 12 before and now she was on lane 4. She told me they move them around after breaks and she laughed about how I truly am always at Target.
This little elderly lady reminds me of my mama. She was kind and talkative and sweet. She told me again how happy she was to see the kids. She asked about the talkative one and I told her the short version of Evie’s story. I told her how blessed we were to have these children in our lives and how sad it is that mothers have to give their children away to try to get them help. She told me she could tell that we felt blessed to have these kids in our lives and then she said she was proud of me.
It should have been a completely uncomfortable comment but it wasn’t. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I can’t explain it but it was like hearing it from my mom. All of a sudden I could see my mama telling me that she was proud of me. It was a very strange.
You see a little over 3 years ago my mom was so excited to see us heading to China again. She was at our house caring for our children, while we were in China, when she perforated an ulcer and had a major heart attack. She spent months in the hospital. She would recover a little bit and visit our house once to see those kids.
She ended up passing away three years ago on Christmas Eve. Mom never got to really meet her last 8 grandchildren. She never again told me she was proud of me. I liked to hear those words from my mom. So tonight standing in a line at Target, I got a small gift from a little elderly lady who probably has no idea why she touched me so.
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P.S. My mom gave me many gifts over the years, but the biggest gift she gave me was a listening ear. She was always there to talk and encourage. She loved her grandkids and she was one of my biggest adoption supporters. I miss her, but the very last gift my mama gave me was understanding about dialysis and kidney issues. Because of this gift, we were brave enough to proceed with this little gift.
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we hoped but there are blessings and joy to be found amongst the tears.
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How We Ruined Our Older Children’s Lives
Dan and I started out like most other people. We met. We fell in love. We got married. We dreamed of our first little house with a garden and a white picket fence. Someday we would drive cars that didn’t break down weekly. We would have a couple of kids, visit our family on holidays, go to church on Sunday, and lead a happy, comfortable life.
After a couple years of marriage, we had the twins. Codey and Kyle threw us for a loop but pretty soon we were back to our old comfortable dreams. The death of a son and 14 months in the hospital surely meant that from here on out our lives would be easy. Zach and Cassie were born. They grew up. They were bright, sweet, caring kids. They excelled at school. We dreamed of the day we would buy a bigger house and take nice vacations. They would go to college. Dan and I would retire and travel. We were living the American dream.
Then one day a little girl was born in the NICU where Dan was doing his fellowship. The pre-adoptive parents chose not to adopt her because of her heart defect and the bio parents chose to not to pursue treatment options, which meant she would die in the NICU without a family. We had a choice. We could step up and do something or pretend there was nothing that could be done and just stand by and watch her die.
When we decided to do something, most people believed we had lost our minds.
We were questioned about it over and over again.
Why would you do this?
Why would you bring a child who may die into your family?
You are going to ruin your life.
How will your other children survive the pain?
They will resent you.
Your are going to ruin your children’s lives.
Over and over again we heard those words. You WILL ruin their lives!
Well, it’s taken me years to get to this point, but today I’ll admit it. It’s true. We ruined their lives.
I’ll own it. Heck, I’ll even go so far as to say it was the best darn thing that ever happened to them.
Although I once feared ruining our children’s lives, I no longer do. In fact, I love that their lives have been ruined. In fact, I praise God that it happened so early in their lives. My eyes were closed to the pain and suffering of the world for way too long. I lived in a very small comfortable bubble. They, however, understand how beautiful life is and how fleeting life can be.
They know more medical terms than any child should know. We ruined their normal, comfortable lives and filled their days with G-tube feedings, seizures, heart caths and surgeries, kidney failure, lower limb paralysis, SMA, PKU, brain damage, incontinence, and chemotherapy. They know what it means to spend many, many days, weeks, and even months in the hospital.
We brought hurting children into our home not once but 11 times. We ruined their picture perfect life. We made our kids share their home, their rooms, their parents. We’ve made them sit through doctor’s appointments and surgeries. They’ve cried tears over shots, blood draws, and i.v. starts. They’ve held trembling hands, wiped away tears, and been filled with fear as their sibling was taken away for surgery wondering if their sibling would ever come home again.
These things that we feared would ruin their lives for the worse have in fact made them better humans. These things have opened their heart to others. They don’t see the world the same way that others do. How could they? Adopting has opened their eyes to those who live without a mother and a father. It opened their eyes to what orphanage life is. It made them appreciate what they have.
They have been ruined for the ordinary because they have seen miracles in our home. Children who shouldn’t be healed are in fact, healed. They know how fleeting life is because there are children, who are NOT guaranteed tomorrow, running and laughing through our halls. They understand that it is better to love with your whole heart and maybe hurt later, than to never have known the love of these sweet souls.
They know that intelligence doesn’t make you a better person. They know that taking care of the least of these may not always be easy but it is worthwhile. They know that little souls who never utter a word can speak volumes.
They know there is no greater blessing than allowing God to work in your life. They know that being obedient, even when it scares you, brings blessings beyond measure.
Our children are not perfect. They still make mistakes. We all do. But what I know for sure is that God has ruined them for what the world stands for and instead has showed them what He values above all else. I praise God daily that they are no longer unaware.
I once feared those words that others uttered…
“You will ruin your other children’s lives!
But now I embrace those words and I celebrate them.
We have been ruined for the ordinary and instead have embraced the extraordinary!
It doesn’t get any better than that!
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Chicken Feet 101
For years Jasmine has been asking me to make her spicy chicken feet. We couldn’t find them already done at the local Chinese store so Dan ordered them off of Amazon. We ordered them once or twice and she was in heaven. Then, for some reason, we just couldn’t get them.
When we added Elyse to the mix, she begged me to make chicken feet and then little JJ chimed in too. When we asked the littles they said they had never had them. Jasmine and Elyse said kids under the age of 7 or 8 weren’t allowed to have them because of all the gristle and little bony parts. The bigger girls, however, had them whenever there was a celebration like Chinese New Year or Children’s Day. They were only allowed two feet and it was a VERY big deal.
For some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to make them from scratch. I had been around when my grandparents butchered the chickens they raised. I gathered eggs from those same chickens. I’ve been in a coop. I am not in the least bit adventurous with my eating and even less so with my cooking. Who wants to make a big batch of something new and have all your picky eaters refuse to eat it?
BUT they just kept asking.
Our pastor and some of our good friends raise chickens. They were going to be butchering some and had heard the girls talking about chicken feet and asked if I wanted them to keep them for me. I answered a very hesitant “yes” and they delivered them to me.
Dan and I looked at recipes on line. I asked my Facebook friends for tried and true recipes. It seemed like it would be a bit time consuming because of all the steps, but it didn’t look hard. It is the same way when I make steamed buns from scratch for the girls. It takes all day by the time you mix the dough, let it rise, roll them out and fill them up, but the looks on their faces when they bite into a homemade steamed bun is priceless. I was sure it would be more of the same with these chicken feet.
Here is the recipe we used from Sparkspeople.com.
You wash them in water, scrubbing them until clean.
You then put them in boiling water for 30 seconds and instantly remove to a drying rack. This is what it should look like.
You then pull off the outer scaly layer starting at the nail and working backwards. It is fairly easy to remove. It will look like this when you are done.
Do NOT overcook or you will not be able to peel off the outer scaly layer, both layers come off and it is a greasy mess and not very appetizing.
It became a very, very sad chicken foot.
You then cut the nail up to the first bony joint.
Everyone joined in on the fun scaling the chicken feet. See the joy in Hope’s eyes? 🙂
Ben, Maisey and the middles wanted to join in and help.
After peeling them, you boil the feet for 90 minutes.
You remove them and dry them on a rack to remove the excess water.
Pat them dry, then brown them in a pan on each side.
You then put them in the sauce in a crock pot and warm them up.
This was the final product.
Even daddy tried them.
The first batch was not hot enough so I made the rest with a sweet chili sauce. I cheated and used some directly out of a jar.
They LOVED them. It was hot enough to make their noses run and their eyes water. Perfect is what I heard over and over again.
The proof is on their faces.
If I had known how much they would enjoy them, I would have made them sooner. Although it was nice that all three of them got to enjoy them for the first time together.
They giggled so much. Jasmine had the sauce all over her face. She was a good sport and let me take a picture.
I watched them each eat 8 chicken feet each. They talked again and again about how they could only have two before. They talked about how lucky they were to be in a family. How lucky they were to have each other. The giggled and laughed and told stories for 30 minutes.
When they were done it was much like eating too much at Thanksgiving dinner. They sat back and rubbed their bellies. The moaned a satisfied moan. The smiles on their faces were priceless. They were SO happy. I told them before that I would only do this once but I will do it again. How could I not?
I remember what I felt like in China eating foods I was not used to. I liked the noodles and the rice and the different dishes but it wasn’t like home. It tastes so good to have something that you remember and love. Chicken feet brought back good memories of the orphanage and they need those. They need good memories of their childhood to hold on to. Not everything in their past was pretty. I want them to remember these good memories and let the bad ones become a distant memory.
The thought of cleaning chicken feet and removing nails was more than I could stand at first, but that was replaced by the happy faces of my middle girls.
So Chinese New Year and Children’s Day will not only include my homemade steamed buns and potstickers (even though they aren’t pretty) but some very hot chicken feet too.
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Adoption Questions (Part 2)
In yesterday’s blog, I asked the girls questions about how they were told about their upcoming adoption and what they thought adoption was. I also asked them two more questions that I saved for today. What kept them going and did anyone treat them special?
Jasmine’s story is so complex and full of pain and trauma that is beyond anything any child should have to endure. She has allowed me to share, and she herself has shared on her blog – Flower That Blooms, some of the least traumatic events that have happened to her. If you have read any of her story, just let that soak in for awhile – these are the least traumatic events. If you have been moved by her stories, just remember there is so much more that she has endured, things that bring tears to my eyes just thinking about them, her body holds the scars of that abuse and even more so her heart, and still she is a light in the world.
What kept her going? When the nannies were offering to help her die on numerous occasions, why didn’t she take that path? She sat alone in a corner all day long. She wasn’t allowed to join the kids for meals or school because those happened on a different floor. She was ridiculed and made to feel like a burden. So when her time was running out and she didn’t think a family was coming and she knew the horror of what was to come, why didn’t she end her life?
She told me she never chose that path because she felt a presence that she couldn’t explain. She felt like her life had purpose, that there was something she was supposed to do. She never understood it, but she knew she should not take her life. I have been told by someone who met Jasmine while she was in the orphanage that there was a light about her, that she exuded something good.
This just blows my mind. I’m not sure I would have been that strong. I’m not sure I would have kept my cheerful, hopeful personality facing all those adversities.
Did anyone have compassion for you? She told me that she remembers a better time with her grandma before she was unable to move. Things were better when she was younger, she could still sit unassisted and still move a bit. As her ability to move slowly faded, she became more of a “burden”. At the age of 5, she was left alone while everyone went to work. She was moved to the alleyway when family gatherings happened because no one wanted to be bothered by the child who was “cursed” with a disability. She was allowed to go to school for a little while until everyone complained about her being there. She was spit on and shunned by everyone. She remembers a little girl who moved in next door who stopped in to talk to her in the alleyway sometimes. When this little girl’s parents realized she was talking to “the cripple”, they moved (or at least that was what Jasmine was told). These are the stories she shares and yet still she is still compassionate and filled with joy.
She says no one in the orphanage was kind to her. Whenever anyone lifted her they complained about how heavy she was and what a burden it was to care for her. Whenever anyone brought her her meal, they complained about bringing food from another floor and having to go out of their way for her. When others visited the orphanage, the nannies were charming in front of the guests. Those days were special and good, because for a little while she would be treated kindly. She wishes she could tell stories of someone who truly made her feel special, but she isn’t able to.
Jasmine has lived through unthinkable trauma and yet she is a compassionate fighter who wants more than anything to change the lives for other children in need. She was able to live through the worst and hope for the best, for this reason and 1,000 more she will forever by my hero.
I asked Elyse the same questions. What kept her going? She says she was happy in foster care because she didn’t know any better. She thought she was treated well in China until she came here and felt the true love of a family and even the acceptance and compassion of complete strangers. The realization that she was treated so badly for so many years has been difficult and the anger is palpable.
Elyse’s “love language” is touch. A hug and kiss and snuggle and Elyse is in her happy place. She didn’t have that in China – quite the opposite. Harsh words and harsh physical contact. She thought she deserved it.
She said she kept going because that is “just what life was”. That is all she ever knew and it seemed okay at the time. The little ones kept her going. She said she enjoyed feeding and caring for the little kids, especially the babies and toddlers. While older kids were allowed to play outside on the playground, she played inside with the little children. Caring for the little ones gave her life purpose and kept her going.
Did anyone treat you special? She said her foster grandma loved her. She knows that now although she was angry at her after she first came home to us and realized that her grandma didn’t protect her from the abuse that was happening. She has now come to grips with those feelings. She knows that her grandma probably did the best she could, in the position she was in, and tried to show love.
The orphanage was different. Elyse was a burden. She was told this over and over again. No one wanted to change her. No one wanted to help her move. No one was truly kind. They just did their jobs and let her know how hard it was to care for her. Elyse says there were a couple girls that she was friends with and together they tried to make life more bearable.
Elyse says she loves life. I can see that about Elyse. She is a fighter. She is outspoken. She is full of love and has a bright spirit. Elyse knows what is right and fights for it. She is competitive and full of drive. She wants to change the world as much as Jasmine does but in her own way. She will always be my hero for her feisty, spunky, full of love ways.
JJ is still pretty quiet and I am very careful to not push her for answers she is not ready to give. I gave her the option of doing this with Jasmine and Elyse. She asked Elyse and Jasmine why they did it. Elyse and Jasmine both told her that the reason they decided to blog was that it would let others know what it was like for them as orphans. JJ said she wanted to help to.
What kept you going? She said nothing did. I told her that I had seen pictures of her smiling when she was very little. I asked her what changed. The last pictures we got of her were so sad. You could see the sadness in her eyes. I asked her why she was so sad and her soft whisper brought me to my knees. She looked me in the eyes and said, “I almost gived up mama!”
JJ was separated from everyone. She was in the hospital side of the orphanage. She had no friends. She wasn’t allowed to go anywhere. She wasn’t allowed a wheelchair. She was isolated, alone, and afraid. I told her I saw pictures of her at a table with other kids and she confirmed what Jasmine said – that it was all show for when people visited. She lived for those days.
Was anyone kind to her? She said no one was. I can believe it because when they handed her off to us on the day we visited the orphanage, their comments made Dan and I cringe. It was like they were happy to be getting rid of her and relived to not do her cares anymore. It was awful. JJ was so sad.
She said they often told her she was bad. They would “forget” to feed her. They said she was smelly and none of the adults wanted to be around her.
JJ is tough. She stands up for what she believes in. You should see her now. I am so proud of my little girl for fighting and holding on until we got there. She deserves a super hero cape of her own.
There are many people who tell me this wasn’t the reality for their children in the orphanage. I say thank goodness. But this is my girls’ reality. I know there is a pecking order in these orphanages. Even among the children if you can not walk, you are looked down upon. If you are incontinent, it adds a whole other layer of disgust from others. There are many factors – province, directors, nannies, disability, the list goes on and on. We are sharing their story to show one side of what happens. To open eyes and to help others understand that an institution is not a family. It never will be family. Children need families.
“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” – Christopher Reeve
Maybe your home could use a superhero too! 🙂
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Adoption Questions (Our Older Girls)
A friend asked me if the girls had ever talked about what they were told before being adopted, what they thought adoption would be like, and how they feel about it now. The girls often talk about how they felt before being adopted, how they felt when we met in China, how they felt when they first came home, and how they feel now, but I’ve never put in my blog. I am going to pose these questions to Jasmine, age 17 – adopted at age 14, Elyse, age 10 – adopted at age 9, Jessica, age 8 – adopted age 8 and write their answers below.
What were you told by the nannies about adoption before you were adopted?
Jasmine – Adoption means you get a daddy and a mama. They won’t do anything for you. They will tell you to do lots of hard stuff like cooking, cleaning, dig dirt. You have to be very good. If you are not good, then they will sell you. The other people will buy you and you will have to do even harder work or they will send you back to China. If you come back to China, they will treat you like a pig because you are so fat and covered with hair.
Elyse – The nannies said that Americans have so much money. They will give you whatever you want. They told me it would be great and I should be happy to get to go to America where everyone has lots of stuff.
Jessica – The nannies say I will have so much money and my parents can buy me so many toys and stuff that I want.
What did you think adoption/having a family would be like?
Jasmine – I had a grandma who cared for me until I was 8. I sort of knew what a family meant. I thought I would work hard for the family and maybe they would love me a little bit and be proud of me just a little bit because I helped them. I just wanted to have a family so I didn’t have to just sit with old people in an institution.
Elyse – I was in foster care so I knew what it was like having a family. I thought the people would like me and I would work hard for them. I thought that the family could help me be able to walk. The nannies tell me that if I can walk and have babies, then maybe someone will love me and I will have great worth. Before when I see people come to adopt children, I saw great love but I am not really sure what love is but I think that is what I see.
Jessica – I don’t know what family is. I was scared because I don’t know what family means but I really want a mama and daddy. (When I asked her how she knew what a mama and daddy were, she said that she didn’t know. It was much like a story that she hoped was true. Elyse said she meant a fairytale.)
When and how did they tell you that you had a family coming to adopt you?
Jasmine – The boss came in one day and he said “You have a family adopting you. They really like you. In a couple months, they will come get you.” The nannies all cheered because they wouldn’t have to take care of me any more. They drank beer and celebrated by eating really good food because I would be leaving. The big kids and the nannies laughed and said, “You are so fat. We should cook you and eat you.” I was upstairs by myself and they took a picture of the party and brought it up to me. I almost cried but I was just happy that I had a family coming to get me. I had almost given up that anyone would come. Anything had to be better than this. The nannies often offered to help me die. I didn’t want to die. Family had to be better.
Elyse – The helper of the boss said that I had a family come in a couple days, but it was a very long time that I wait. She said you will have good family. She showed me pictures. She said there is a lot of people in your family. Other people say it must be an orphanage or a foster home that I am going to. After I get home, it was a long time before I realized my family was a family and not a foster home.
Jessica – A girl who is the boss of everything tells me that I have a family coming. They said that she was so happy that I can go to America. They were happy that they don’t have to take care of me anymore because I am not good girl and do stuff that is not good and they are tired of taking care of me.
What did the caregivers say the day you got adopted?
Jasmine – The nannies said I had to be very good or mama and daddy would send me back. The nannies told me that mama and daddy wouldn’t want me when they saw I couldn’t walk so I had to be extra good. They told me that if I didn’t get adopted that I would go to the old people place where I can’t have wheelchair. I would just have to sit on the floor with the crazy old people. No one would feed me and I would die.
Elyse – They told me that today is the day you can meet your family. You will get to walk when you get to America. They tell me that I have to call them. One girl said that the family would be good to me. I was very scared. I kept wondering what this family be like.
Jessica – They got all my stuff together and they said I was going goodbye. They told me they would see me later. I was very, very scared.
What did you think when you first met your mom and dad?
Jasmine – Daddy is so tall and mama has curly, yellow hair. Mama is so pretty. I had never seen American people. Mama and daddy were so nice. They acted like they cared about me. They let me pick what I wanted to eat. I had KFC and Coke. I couldn’t believe they let me pick my food. They let me have two glasses of pop. I wonder why they be so good to me?
It was so funny to be hugged. I don’t know what a hug is. Mama took my arms and put them around her. I really, really liked to be hugged but it was weird at first. Mama and daddy said over and over again, “WoAiNi”. In China you only say, “I love you” if you are dating or married, but mama and daddy say it over and over again. Mama and daddy seem so happy to be with me. I can hardly believe it.
Elyse – (Dad wasn’t able to travel on this trip.) I thought my mama was Stephanie’s mom. When I found out that she wasn’t grandma but mama I was upset because I don’t want an overweight mama. (Elyse is crying as she says this because it upsets her so that she judged me by China standards.) In China I was told that being overweight was bad and we made fun of people who were fat. Mama hug me and say “WoAiNi” and I don’t understand what those things are. I don’t know love but mama show me love. By the night, I wanted mama to sleep with me because I was scared to be by myself.
Jessica – I thought daddy was so tall. I was so afraid. Mama held me and I like it but I am was afraid to like it. I don’t remember some stuff because I was so afraid.
What did you think about America when you first got here?
Jasmine – Americans eat really weird food like burritos and sandwiches. They use a fork and knife to eat their food. I only use chopstick in China. But I like to use a fork because it is so easy. I can drink as much as I want. In China, I can only have two little glasses of water a day because the nannies don’t want to take me to the bathroom, but in America I can drink more.
I never knew people could drive. It was so weird to drive around in the car. I thought the only people who had cars drove taxi. Mama and daddy had change in the front of their car in the cupholder so I thought daddy was a taxi driver, but I didn’t understand because daddy said he was a doctor.
Elyse – There is so much food and I have lots of sisters and brothers. I have lots of clothes and toys. In orphanage, I never get to pick my clothes but now I have my own. I liked most of the food and I was so happy that they have corn, fish and lots of fruit. I came home right at Christmas time and it was crazy. I don’t know what Christmas means. It was fun with family and presents and laughing. Daddy let me fall asleep on his lap. Daddy tell me that Christmas is about God’s birthday. I didn’t understand what God means. Family treat me really good and I am really happy and I really like it.
Jessica – I do not like America food. I like the house. I did not want to be around anyone except Grace and Elyse in my room. I was so scared all the time. Everyone is so much bigger than me. I feel like I don’t deserve stuff or that people will not like me.
What do you think about adoption now?
Jasmine (home 3 1/2 years) – I think adoption is a great thing. I like my big family. I have a really big family and lots of people to love me. Having a big family is fun. We can have big parties. I am so happy that I was adopted. Everything the nannies told me before being adopted was a lie. Now I can live my life and figure out my purpose. I want to help many, many kids get adopted.
Elyse (home 1 1/2 years) – I like adoption. I wish all kids could get adopted and see how it feels to be loved. Before I meet my sisters and brothers I don’t know what it will be like but I am so happy that I have family to play with and have a mommy and daddy. Family is so very good. I think family treat me really good. They always hug me and kiss me. I can not walk but they tell me I can do anything. I wish I could tell all kids to not be scared about adoption. It is a very good thing. I hope people will understand how scared the kids are.
Jessica (home 6 months) – I like family. I like be loved. I like that no one tells me I’m smelly or bad or that they don’t want to help me. Mama never be mad that she has to help with my tube or pick me up or help change me. Mama never say I am smelly. Mama and daddy say I am beautiful and smart and sweet. I like the way I feel inside when mama and daddy hug me. I like that mama carry me places. Adoption is good.
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Jasmine’s Blog – Life is a Test
God made us for a reason.
I am reading Nick Vujicic’s book. He used to think that he couldn’t do anything because he has no legs. Before he even thought he wished he could die. His daddy told him that he could not die because God made him for a reason. Mommy and daddy tell me that too.
One day Nick understood that God had made him for a reason. He decided to be happy and to go out and talk and help lots of people. He decided he could be an inspiration to other people without legs. He could show people you could be happy.
Everyone is the same too. God has a reason for your life. God made me this way for a reason too. I sometimes think if I didn’t have SMA I would still be in China and I not know about God. I would not be able to learn about God and I would not know about orphans. Mama says that lots of people in China don’t even know that there are orphanages. I could not help orphans if I did not know about them.
If I didn’t almost age out, then I wouldn’t understand how that feels.
I have SMA and every year my body can get weaker, but I can still have joy. I know as long as I wake up in the morning God has a plan for me.
This world is like a test. God wants to know how we will do with our test. Sometimes the test is really hard. Because life can be very hard. Any test that God gives you is for your good not for bad. The world can be evil. Man sometimes does wrong. It’s not God’s fault it’s man’s fault. God always loves us because He wants what is best for us.
It wasn’t God that put me in an orphanage. My grandma made that choice. Mama says that I have to forgive her because I don’t know why she did it but God’s plan was not for me to be in an orphanage. But God can make good out of the bad.
Sometimes life can be really hard but we have a choice to be happy or be sad. So it is like a test of how you will be. Mama says every day is a new start so we can choose joy every day.
Before when I realized that I was not going to walk I was sad too. But mommy and daddy teach me how to be happy. They tell me not to feel sorry for myself. They say it is ok to have a bad day but not to be sad all day long.
You can choose joy too. You have a purpose. Ask God and He will show you.
James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. -
Jasmine’s Blog – I Have a Dream
Everybody has a dream. If you want your dream to come true, you need to work hard. You can’t just sit at home and hope your dream will come true.
I have a dream. My dream is that I hope one day there will be no more orphans. I feel sad sometimes because I feel like that can’t happen cause there are so many orphans all over the world. But mama says that you have to help one child at a time and not be sad that so many wait.
Sometimes I get sad and don’t think God has a plan for my life. I feel like I can’t make a difference because I’m just a little girl in a wheelchair. How can I help the orphan? How can I help orphans gets adopted? Then sometimes he sends people to show me that I do make a difference. I got a comment from the Netherlands that said I helped a little boy and it made me feel so good. I’m hoping it’s the little boy that I think it is. He’s cute, silly, and really funny. I’m so happy he has a family.
People need to adopt older children too. If God tells you to do it, you should follow God’s plan for you. Kids understand what family means. When you adopt an older child, you let them know their life has worth. But some people don’t think about that. Sometimes I see my mama’s Facebook and I see children wait who can’t walk or walk slow, these kids wait cause the parents don’t want them. I want people to understand that even if a child has a problem, they need a family to love them.
When I had second surgery, they doctor told me I could dream about anything – being a princess, driving a beautiful car, get married – but I said, “I just want to dream about there being no more orphans.” After I got better mommy and daddy help me start Jasmine’s Dream. My dream is to help 1,000 kids.
We send our allowance, raise money, and mommy and daddy help. We buy adoption t-shirts, we support Reece’s Rainbow 5-5-5 for families, we sponsor children, we give to Love Without Boundaries unity fund, we purchase from adoption auctions, and donate whenever we can to help kids get adopted. We even helped buy a yak for a family. There are lots of ways to help.
My three middle sisters help me. They believe in Jasmine’s Dream too. Mama calls us the Fab Four. The four of us think about the future and how we can help lots and lots of kids. My sisters and I hope that one day no child gets left. We hope that China, Africa, and the whole world can stop leaving children and take care of them. That will be a happy, happy day.
I believe my sisters and I can change the world.
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Could I Get Any Further Behind?
Dan asked me the other day, “How long has it been since you’ve posted a blog?” He went on to tell me I should add more to two of my longer Facebook posts and share more of what’s been on my heart. I often post on Facebook because it’s easy to pick up my phone and add a picture and a small comment. It’s a great way to remember the cute things the children have done throughout the day. I don’t have to have a lot of time to collect my thoughts or get pictures together, but I still try to continue writing my blog because it’s the journal of our lives.
I use the blog mainly to remember all that God has done in our lives. I don’t ever want to forget little blue fingers turning pink or stories of little hearts healing. Dan and I have been allowed to be a part of some really wonderful stories of hope and healing. It’s a true blessing, one we don’t take lightly. But somedays it’s easy to forget all that God has done and to get caught up in the small annoyances of the days. My words in this blog are a reminder of God’s faithfulness. My words are there for my kids to read about as they get older. I want to tell it to my children so they can tell it to theirs. God’s faithfulness abounds.
Dan’s words got me to thinking so I decided to take a look at my drafts. Codey had his wisdom teeth taken out today so it was the perfect time to sit in the quiet and make a list of all the blogs I’ve started writing and haven’t finished yet.
Here’s my list:
Max & Elyse Welcome Home!
Lainey turns 5
Eli turns 4
Home from China
Evie turns 5
Because Mama Loves Jesus
Gracie turns 11
Maisey turns 6
Hopey turns 17
Max turns 7
Liam turns 6
Cassie is all Grown Up (Man I love that girl!)
First Year Anniversary – where did the time go?
Jasmine turns 17
We are Going to Be Grandparents!
Top 10 Things That Changed My Life
Stories told Round the Kitchen Table
No My Children aren’t Raising Each Other
Hmmmm….I don’t believe I am doing so well on the “recording their year on their birthday” plan. It’s not like my life is busy or anything. After all based on what I’ve been told lately, my older children are raising my younger children so that must mean mama has lots of free time.
If you’d like to catch up with what our family has been doing, you could check out Cassie’s blog, Thankful For The Crazy or Jasmine’s blog, Flower That Blooms.
Cassie has a great blog called “Just in Case” that tells how all of us where feeling before Benjamin’s surgery. She also is chronicling our summer fun much better than I am. 🙂
Jasmine’s last blog post talks about her dream. We are trying to decide where to take Jasmine’s Dream next. The girls recently reached the 200 children helped mark. Jasmine’s initial goal is to help 1,000 children.
They have dreams of t-shirt sales and items they can sell in an Etsy shop. The FAB Four are going to change the world. They have big plans to advocate and help as many children as they can. They have great big wonderful compassionate hearts. It’s fun to watch their little minds work on what they can do. It would be a wonderful day if Jasmine’s Dream came true – A family for every child.
I’ll leave you with a couple cute pictures for those of you not on Facebook group, Seriously Blessed By Adoption.
We celebrated Father’s Day.
They loved the fireworks display.
And National Cow Day at Chickfila
We even dressed up as super heroes and headed to Krispy Kreme for Super Hero Day.
The kids love dressing up. They wear costumes all the time at home and any excuse to get to wear a costume out in public is “super cool” according to Eli. It does make for some really fun memories.
Praying your summer is going well and that many happy memories are being made. Hold those kiddos tight and give them an extra hug or two. Take the time to blow some bubbles or lay on a blanket and watch the clouds go by. I don’t know about you, but I feel like summer is going by much too quickly.
God bless all of you who have uttered prayers on our behalf. Thank you for standing by even when mama doesn’t get much writing done.
Happy Summer!
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