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Following God’s Lead
I have had some interesting conversations lately about how we came to know that we were to adopt again. I knew from the moment we left China that God was not done with me. I knew we were to adopt again. Dan wanted to see how everything worked when we got home first, but he has always wanted to adopt more. When people ask me how I knew, I say I am following God’s leading. I have said that I am listening to God. I have said many things, but judging from the looks on other people’s faces, I am not describing it properly. If you say you are listening to God, which in most people’s minds means that I am hearing God’s voice, they think you have lost it. I’m not literally hearing God’s voice but He is definitely making His desires known.
I have to admit I’m getting kind of tired of those “Well, isn’t she sweet, but she’s gone just a little looney.” looks. Even my grandma told me that I was paying too much attention to my emotions, and that was what was leading me. That one made me laugh – my emotions make me want to run away from the hurt and the work I know is coming. It doesn’t make me want to run towards it. I know this isn’t going to be easy. I know if you look at it rationally with all your pros and cons, it doesn’t make sense. I know that on paper it looks like a very bad idea. Where is the sense in adopting a wheel-chair bound, 13 year old who has had very little schooling and knows no English; on top of that bring her home with a 1 year old with PKU with unknown brain injury from the disease; and while you are at it add a 1 year old with a single ventricle who will need surgery right away; and then to top it all off be praying that you are allowed to either, add to this trip or go back, and get the 1 year old with pulmonary atresia. I know what that looks like on paper. You can’t possibly think I haven’t given it every consideration. I have a husband that is trained in everything that can go wrong. We have discussed this in depth, over and over again. I know all of this and yet I know it is right. My heart can be fearful, but still I know when I look at those children’s faces that they are OUR children. I know it to my core. I can’t explain it accurately. I just know it. I know I would do anything for them, including lose my heart and have it hurt in ways no parent should ever have to.
I asked Dan how he explains it. He is a wonderful teacher and he usually has some way to explain it. He said that he tells people that when you look at everything with Ben it didn’t make sense. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to proceed with an adoption when you aren’t even sure that the child will live long enough for you to get him, but that Dan knew to his core that this was what he was supposed to do. He isn’t able to explain it. He just knew it was the right thing to do.
When we first asked the agency for Ben’s information, they told me another family was trying to decide, I panicked for just a moment because I knew in my heart he was mine. I knew it to my core. I remember praying “God you have this all in your hands. You know the plans you have for me. I trust you and I believe that he is supposed to be ours so I will try my best to trust and stay calm and believe.” God gave me a peace that went beyond any understanding. I trusted that if it was meant to be – it would be.
After they sent the paperwork, I was so afraid that Dan would say that his heart wasn’t fixable and it would be just too much for our family. I remember it so well. I would have fought for Ben. I obviously didn’t have to fight because it was what God wanted us to do. I came home from shopping to find Dan sitting there holding Ben’s papers with tears in his eyes. I knew he was going to tell me it wasn’t fixable even before he spoke. Dan just looked at me and said, “I can’t explain it, but I know he is ours and we have to go get our son.” (Have I mentioned how much I love this man?) 🙂
That is the other thing, when Dan and I have exactly the same feeling and we haven’t even been discussing a certain topic, I believe it to be truth. How could it not be true. It worked that way with Lauren (Min). We both saw her picture on our own computers in different rooms and were both moved to tears and ready to go against the rule that we had already made. The rule being that we would NOT adopt older children because it would be too hard on our family. I know I make God chuckle. I can just see Him saying, “Isn’t that sweet? She thinks she won’t be adopting an older child. If only she could see how hard she will be praying for that older child in just a few months.” You’d think I’d learn to never say never. I said “I’m never having more children after the twins.” But I got pregnant while taking birth control and Zachary was the best gift ever. God’s ways are always better.
With Elijah, I am almost afraid to hope. But being fearful doesn’t mean I don’t trust God or His plan. “Even when I am afraid, I keep on trusting you” (Psalm 56:3 CEV). I can be fearful because I am human and a very imperfect one at that. But I know Eli is supposed to be my little boy and Benjamin’s didi. Ben has an attachment to him that is so hard to explain. Ben stops and prays for Eli throughout the day. Ben has dreams about playing with his didi. Ben tells me stories about him and his didi. It’s sweet and it doesn’t make any sense. It has to be a God-thing so I’m going to embrace it, trust it, and watch as God’s wonderful plan unfolds.
The second comment that drives me crazy is when people say that “you’re a saint” or “I could never do that you must be really special”. It’s true, I do love children. I do have a heart for those hurting, but there is nothing overly special about me. What I am though is obedient. Obedient to God’s calling. Obedient to following His lead. Obedient even when I’m scared to death. It’s a wonderful place to be when you believe in God’s plan so much that you just want to follow it. If you too are feeling a tugging at your heart, listen! If you are being shown something over and over again, pay close attention, even if it doesn’t make sense. Whatever it is that He is showing you, be open to His leadings. Blessings abound when you follow His call. Blessings upon wonderful blessings. I can’t guarantee you won’t be hurt. I can’t guarantee you everything will turn out fine, but I can guarantee you a peace that exceeds all understanding even when trials lie before you. Listen. Trust. Follow. Be obedient!
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Today…
Today a family that I know will give birth to a sweet little girl. Today their world will change for the better and for the worst all at the same time. Today they will see what God has in store for them. A little girl will come into this world, not perfect by the world’s standards, but perfect in God’s eyes. Today my heart aches for what I know lies ahead for them. It may be worse than they think or it may miraculously be better than they were told. Either way it will be hard. The pain can be unbearable. It’s not fair! It’s not right! Babies should be born healthy and happy. Mothers should not cry tears of unhappiness – there should only be tears of joy.
The truth of the matter is they will one day look back at this moment and feel blessed. They will see how bad things can work for good. They will see all the way their lives have impacted others. It doesn’t help today when they are hurting. I know if I said this fact to them, they wouldn’t believe me. When you are in the moment, you are numb, you are hurting, you want it to be a really bad dream that you can wake up from. It changes everything and you can’t go back to who you were no matter what happens. Whether she lives an hour or 50 years, you can’t go back. You will be forever changed.
It is just the way it is and no matter how you rant at God – it won’t change. These are the cards you have been dealt and now you have two choices. You can see the beauty and the miracles in this life or you can forever be angry at God for doing this to you. The reality is that He didn’t do this to you. You aren’t being punished. John 9:1-3 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. But it is hard to see that at the beginning. I will admit that I was angry for a moment, but it didn’t last. I believe there are stages to your grief and you will spend as much time in each stage as you need. Don’t let others tell you that you’ve had enough time to mourn. Letting go of dreams is a process. The problem begins when/if you decide to take a detour into the self-pity/bitterness pit stop. That is a very dangerous place to be. You can get stuck there in that darkness. I’ve watched it happen to people. It’s hard to hear God’s voice of peace when you are busy screaming at Him. I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve had a child die and I’ve had a child live with medical problems.
I was so ready to be a mother. I felt so blessed to be having twins. I had a husband who adored me and two babies on the way. People shared my joy. Complete strangers congratulated me. It was a happy, happy time and then it was gone. My water broke. They lifeflighted me to Des Moines. It was scary. Unbelievably scary. I didn’t even have the words to pray. But even then I was in denial. They would be little, but they would be okay. We could do this. Life would still be perfect. I think your brain processes as much as your heart can handle at the time.
Kyle died at 5 days of age. Dan and I had quit our jobs. We had no home and now we had a son to bury. We were relieved that we had life insurance until we found out that to get the $10,000 coverage your child must live 7 days. Kyle died at 5 days of age. So now we had no job, no home, no money with which to bury our son. Because we couldn’t afford to have the funeral home come get him, we drove Kyle from Des Moines to Fort Dodge after his autopsy and hand delivered him. There was a big dose of closure and reality for you. I wanted to wake up. I wanted it to not be true. I wanted to put them back inside of me and be happy again. I was mad and hurt and screaming out that it just couldn’t be my life. I didn’t want it to be my life. I didn’t want to look at pictures of tiny, white caskets or decide which outfit he should wear. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted that little cottage with the white picket fence and my little, curly-haired, blonde boys in their little overalls chasing Dan in the backyard. I could picture it all and it was never going to be.
I share these things not because I think she won’t make it, but because I have been through both. I understand the pain from the loss of dreams, the unbelievable heart-wrenching pain of losing a child, and just what it will take to make the best of a bad situation. I understand how hard it is to trust God’s plan when it doesn’t make sense. I understand the question “why me?”. I can still picture that dream I had of my boys before they were born. Now I can smile, but for a long time seeing twin boys still brought me to my knees. Letting go and trusting God and His plan isn’t always easy; but God is perfect, His plan is perfect, and His timing is perfect. Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
It has been 25 years since Kyle died. 25 years years of some very hard years for Codey and our family. I’m not sure what I would have done standing there at the end of the aisle with Dan, if they had said here is what you are signing up for. I want to believe that my faith was strong enough and my love for Dan was big enough that I would have still said I do, but who knows. It’s easy to say that I would have done that now, but I am a whole different person now. I have a stronger faith. I have a deeper love for my husband. I believe every life matters. I see things not as much from the world’s viewpoint any more. I try so hard to see it from eternity’s viewpoint. I’m not sure at the age of 22 I even understood what that meant.
Today I am happy. Today I see a few of those threads in the tapestry of my life and how it has affected others. I see my husband and his love for babies and his drive for making their lives better. I know where it comes from. I know that Codey and Kyle’s lives had purpose. I know that their lives mattered. I know that there lives have touched so many others. I know that I am a much better person because of them.
But today for one family it is just starting. The pain is going to be very, very real soon. I ask that you lift them up in prayer today. I pray that God will give them the peace and the strength they need in the coming hours. Whether she lives a short life or a long life – her life has purpose. Her life has weight. She will make her mark on many, many hearts. I know this because she has touched mine. Many, many people have heard her story and are praying for her. God bless you sweet, little girl and welcome to your new life and a family that loves you so much!
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Preaching to the choir
Sometimes I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over again about orphans, but my heart just hurts for them. I just saw a figure that said every 18 seconds a child becomes an orphan. It’s tragic. It’s sad. It’s unbelievable. It’s overwhelming. I know that my friends and family who read this blog know and understand where I am coming from. I apologize for the repetition, for preaching to the choir so to speak. I try to use my blog to inform people, to show God’s glory and to journal what I am thinking. This blog has become a place for me to store information that I want others to know and information that I may want to retrieve later.
I have been reading tons lately about the plight of orphans around the world. I have read comments from people who stated maybe God closed the adoption of orphans from Russia so that we would pay more attention to the children who need to be adopted here in the U.S. These are stats from a friend of mine “Well, a quick Google search told me that at one estimate there are ~104,000 adoptable children in foster care in the US. Another Google search just as quickly told me there are ~374,000 Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox congregations in the US. It certainly doesn’t take a math genius to see that US Christians could very easily take care of every single adoptable child in the US even if not every congregation chose to participate.” Yes, we need to care for those children who need to be adopted and fostered here in the U.S., but I don’t believe it is an either or thing in regard to adoption. I absolutely don’t believe it is a God thing. I believe it is a political thing. I believe it is an evil thing! I believe it is most assuredly a Satan thing! But the wonderful news is that God can use this horrible thing for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God…. God can show people what is really going on. As this gets more and more press, it brings to light what it is really like for orphans around the world. Newspapers all around the world are carrying this story. Just like with the horrible fire in the Henan Province in China, as more and more gets brought to light and it convicts people’s hearts, maybe things will change. I pray that good will come out of these horrible things.
I truly believe God doesn’t want us to only care for those in our country. John 3:16 states “For God so loved the world…” or Mark 16:15 “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world….” Verse after verse talks about His love for the world and He clearly states how he feels about us helping those in need.
I was talking to my daughter, Cassie, about this. She came back later and said “What if God had only decided to save His chosen people? What if God had said, ‘I will save Israel, but the rest of you can deal with things on your own.’ Where would we be then mom?” But that isn’t what God did. John 3:17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. We can not keep our eyes on our own little corner of the world. We can not pretend these atrocities aren’t happening.
Orphanages in Romania have children that are hidden away, in concentration camp like settings, starving to death. This isn’t an exaggeration. You can go to the “No Greater Joy Mom” blog and read more about it. If you don’t take time to read the blog, at least scroll down and look at the pictures. ( if-not-us-then-who.html .) Unfortunately, there are many blogs, just like hers, that show what is going on. Her family is adopting a little girl, Hasya, who is 14 and weighs under 25 pounds. How is that even possible? I have a very skinny 4 year old who weighs 26 pounds. I can not imagine that weight on a 14 year old. I hear about how many children die in orphanages as infants. I feel overwhelmed and unable to help but I know that is not the truth. God wants us to speak up. We can’t be quiet any longer. We can’t pretend because it is happening some where else that it doesn’t matter. We can’t keep closing our eyes and our ears to the truth. We have to take a stand. We have to start some where, one child sponsored, one family supported, one more story shared so others can know the truth. James 1:27 says Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…. That is pretty clear. The fact that there are over 147 million orphans in the world means we have failed as Christians. How did this happen under our watch?
We Americans believe everyone in the world has the same appreciation and respect for life that most of us have. That is not the truth. In Russia a family had to fight to adopt their son, who had Down Syndrome, through the Russian Supreme Court, because the Judge ruled he was unworthy of a family. There is story after story of children who were deemed unadoptable by orphanages or unworthy of a family. We should be fighting for these souls who can not speak for themselves. Proverbs 31:18 “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”
I recently watched a video on Vimeo entitled “I Like Adoption”. It’s a wonderful story about a family that sees the worth in every child. Here is a quote from that video: “It took me decades to figure this out. There’s no physical thing that you can buy that’s actually going to give you true peace and happiness. The pure joy that will come from a rescue and a ransom of a child’s life is probably the most satisfying thing you can imagine.” – Dennehey
It’s true. Material things fade, break, go out of style and are forgotten. But a child’s life is an amazing thing. With love and care and encouragement, who knows where their lives will go. Who knows whose life they will touch. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t pretend it isn’t happening. Tell their stories for them. Demand that things change. Stand up for a child in need. Spread the word. Don’t be afraid to take that step that will change a child’s life forever. “One smile, can start a friendship. One word, can end a fight. One candle, can stop the dark. One person, can change a life.” – unknown
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Maisey Dancing!
Posting it so Mema can see Maisey doing her moves. Not my favorite song, but I love to watch her dance. 🙂 I remember being a little sad when we were going to adopt her because she was deaf and wouldn’t be able to dance and sing with the girls. Our girls are constantly in movement and our house often resembles a musical. I should have known better than to worry at all. She loves to dance and sing. She is the most animated little girl. Being profoundly hard of hearing makes her extra observant – which helps with those complicated dance moves.
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Baby Update
Today we received notice that CCAI got our Letters of Acceptance (LOA) for Min and Lainey. China, unfortunately, forgot to send Faith’s. We will hopefully receive hers in the next couple days. It will be delayed a little bit because their offices are closed tomorrow too. Once you have the LOA, it means that you get to travel in the next 11-15 weeks. It’s the next BIG step and we are very excited. Looks like, if all goes well, we will travel in late March or early April. Faith’s 2nd birthday is March 25th. I’m hoping we get her by then. I’m not disappointed that it is delayed because God’s timing is always perfect and I believe there must be a reason.
We are still trying to decide on a name for Min. She is called by the American name Lauren on LWB’s page but she has not been called that name in her orphanage. It is much harder choosing a name for a teenager. We may make her name Jasmine Shuang. Her Chinese name is Min Shuang. That way we can call her Min or Shuang or whichever name she chooses. Jasmine means “gift of God” – which seems very fitting. I wish she could just tell me whether she wants an American name or to keep her given name. We are still debating a couple of names. We have to decide soon because it has to go on her immigration forms.
On the subject of names, we have been going back and forth on whether to call Faith – Faith Evangeline or Evangeline Faith. Everyone has started calling her Evie which seems fitting somehow. It’s funny we started out with Maisey’s name being MeiLyn and then it somehow got changed to Maisey MeiLyn. I love how names slowly evolve and fit the child. It’s been a fun process.
I just wanted to share our good news with everyone. We are getting closer. Although, sometimes it seems to be taking forever. I’m trying hard to be patient. (Not my strongest suit.)
Here are the newest picture of Min. In one, she has the teddy bear we sent her and is sharing the candy we gave her to share with the other children. In the other, it shows her new English tutor helping teach her. What beautiful pictures. I can’t wait to meet her and let her know in person how much she is truly loved.
Happy New Year everyone!
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The smallest of kindnesses really do matter
As many of you know, my daughter Gracie has a Facebook page that a friend set up for her back when she was first diagnosed with lupus. Gracie was going to have to be on chemo and there was a good possibility that she would lose her hair. Dani thought it would be fun to have friend’s donate hats for Gracie – thus, the Facebook page entitled “Hats for Gracie”. She never did lose all her hair. Although, when it started to fall out she opted to cut it off and donate it rather than just lose it. From the generosity of others, Gracie has been able to take hats to the University of Iowa Hospitals. She has sent hats to the Jessie Joy Rees Foundation. She has sent hats to friends that have been diagnosed with cancer. For a girl who is as compassionate and emphatic as Gracie is, it has been great fun to spread the joy to others. Plus, now she has the chance to start making hats for children in orphanages in China. Dani’s idea to encourage a little girl has led to others being encouraged. It has allowed Gracie a way to take something bad that happened and turn into something good. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Gracie has been through a lot this past year. She has stage 4/5 systemic lupus erythematosus. You can read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systemic_lupus_erythematosus Most people hear the diagnosis, Lupus, and they don’t think much about it. They hear about flares and remission but it doesn’t really make an impact unless they know someone who has been diagnosed. For Gracie it means not being able to be in the sun for any extended period of time because this might cause another episode. It means lots of sunscreen for something as simple as going outside to go to a store. It means being completely covered by clothing all the time. Not a big deal unless you are an extremely warm-blooded child like Gracie is. It means taking cellcept (an oral chemo drug) for 5 years. It means daily steroid use and other medications. It means lots of doctors appointments and tests and blood draws. 60 years ago her diagnosis was a death sentence. Today she stands a good chance of a long life and we know how blessed we are.
I’m writing this not because of what Gracie is going through but because through it all complete strangers have signed up to “LIKE” her Facebook page. People she doesn’t know have commented and said prayers. She loves that people are praying for her. It really does lift her spirits. She gets so tickled when Dani posts something and people respond. Just yesterday Dani asked if we could get to 350 likes and this morning we are at 385. It amazes me that strangers would take the time to do that. It also shows me how the little things we do really matter. That smile you give someone in the store – it matters. When you take someone lunch or donate $5 to their cause – it matters. When you compliment someone on how they look, what they are wearing, or how they are behaving – it matters. When you take a moment to wish someone well or send a card saying that you are thinking about them – it matters. Don’t ever forget that. You may not hear a thank you, but it truly does matter!
We don’t hear these stories in the news because they are small little instances and don’t really sell papers or magazines. Can you imagine if the headlines read “Grandma, 82, ecstatic because 200 people wished her a happy birthday. She feels cared for and like life had meaning again!” It would be nice but it’s not likely to happen.
Gracie’s headline from yesterday would read something like “Little girl was ecstatic Saturday because 53 random strangers took a moment to hit a button and let her know that she was cared about!” You have no idea how much that means to her. She really is a brave little girl who doesn’t complain about taking medicine every day and night or sitting through hours of infusions or getting poked for lab draws or having to sit through way too many different doctor appointments. She is a compassionate little girl who has a faith that is unbelievable. Thank you for brightening her day! THANK YOU!
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Why I talk about orphans
You might wonder why I talk the way I do about orphans? I have to admit it wasn’t even on my radar a few years ago. I had no idea the vastness of it all. 147 million orphans? How is that even possible? I had no idea the conditions orphans were living in. I had no idea how many children were hurting and alone. I figure if I had no idea then others probably haven’t heard the numbers either. I believe when others hear the stories they will be moved to do something too. There are so many ways to help even if you haven’t been called to personally adopt.
Now that Dan and I know about the House of Hope, Show Hope, CCAI, and Love Without Boundaries, we want to share what they are doing. These are organizations that we have dealt with personally and we want to get the word out there to others who may want to help too. There are many different organizations that no one even hears about. Take LWB for instance, they have 11,000 likes on their Facebook page. That is a respectable number but why does something like Skylanders (A video game that my daughter loves – that is why I chose it.) have 347,000 likes? Because the word is out there. Because people are talking. Which brings me back to what I am saying, I believe more people need to talk about this crisis, Christians especially. We need to open people’s eyes to the plight of orphaned children here in this country and around the world. James 1:27
We need to spread the word. I’m blessed to be able to be part of a story like my Maisey’s. She weighed 6 pounds at 6 months and the Hills took her in and saved her. Maisey is a fighter and a blessing. I am amazed and so thankful for the work the Hills are doing. They are bringing comfort to those children who would otherwise have died, alone and afraid. They are saving those children that they can. You can read more in the book the House of Hope. Maisey is their 1,000th baby, Chaya. You will be moved by the Hill’s story and your eyes will be opened.
LWB is taking children into their healing homes and helping them get their cleft lips fixed and their little hearts fixed in hopes that they will someday find their forever family. But just in case they don’t find their forever families, LWB is getting these children into foster homes. LWB is providing schooling. We take a lot for granted in this country. We just assume it is the same every where else. It isn’t! In some of these countries unless you have the money you don’t get medical care and education is a privilege not a right.
CCAI, the adoption agency we used, is amazing. They are the number one agency for Chinese adoptions. I can’t say enough good things about them. I just read Lily’s story in the book Bound by Love. It is heart wrenching and a history lesson in China all at the same time. You turn to the back of this book and see the names of all the children they have helped find forever families. They are over 10,000 children placed now.
Maisey is one of the reasons why I’m trying to spread the word. Because she was abandoned on a stairwell in a building. She was left because she was a less-than-perfect girl. Even in the orphanage she wasn’t worth the time it took to feed her properly. She was abandoned and alone, but the Hills saw her worth. They took the time to feed her and help her grow and because they did that I get to be greeted everyday by this little face.
Maisey is beautiful and animated and such a joy to have as a daughter. She is full of energy and adventure. I am blessed everyday to be greeted by her huge hugs and her joyous laughter all because someone else saw her worth. Why wouldn’t I want to share a story like that?
Please won’t you consider opening your heart to an orphan? Sponsor a child in foster care. Sponsor a child’s surgery or schooling. You can go to the links on the right hand side of the home page on my blog to learn more.
Help a family that you know who is adopting. It is a serious leap of faith to go into the unknown and it is so expensive. What if everyone in your church donated $10 towards a family in your church that you knew was adopting? What a difference we could all make just a few dollars at a time. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t pretend that you haven’t heard. Make a difference. Open your heart and change the world – one child at a time! I can guarantee you you will not regret helping a child in need.
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Perspective
I’ve been listening to people talk about perspective lately. The world seems to be just a little crazier with the shootings in Connecticut and Oregon. I hear them say that some of the things that they thought were important don’t really seem as important now. We have the choice to want perfection and everything in it’s place or allow grace to those people and things in our lives that may be a little less than perfect. I am blessed to have gone through what we’ve gone through with Codey and Kyle. Their live’s have taught me to be grateful for every day you are allowed to live; to not get caught up in the tiny things that go wrong; to forgive when necessary, to say I’m sorry when you need to; to help and encourage those that you can; and to truly be grateful for everything that you have .
Every day I wake up and have the choice to be filled with fear that today may be Ben’s last day. I can dwell on his little blue fingers. I can dwell on his raspy voice when he plays too hard. I can dwell on how little he is and how low his platelets are. I can think about how he could fall and cause a hemorrhage. If I dwell on any of those things though, I miss out on all the wonderful moments throughout the day. He is so funny and so sweet. He is compassionate and caring beyond his years. Every day with him is a blessing. I don’t want to lose even one minute worrying about things that I have no control over. Only God knows the number of his days. I will leave that in His hands and enjoy every moment that I am blessed to spend with sweet Ben. The truth is it is that way with most of my children. I could go on and on about them and the trials their health issues bring to our lives. The truth of the matter is that it has given me a whole new perspective on living.
On the other hand, I have a son and daughter who are both so bright. I watched them when they were little and dreamed all the worldly dreams for them. Good grades, good schools, good jobs, etc. It’s not that those things aren’t important, but a good foundation in Godly values is so much more important. Compassion, love for others, finding their purpose and purposely living their lives is what it is all about. The lessons our adoptions have taught them are priceless. It has given them true perspective on what is and isn’t important.
The truth is we spend our days worrying about trivial things. Truly they are trivial. I bet you in two years you won’t remember what car broke down or which appliance wasn’t as new as you’d wished. You won’t remember what you purchased for Christmas. You won’t remember what your child said when they talked back. You can be upset about some wrong that has happened and then you turn on the news and see that 20 children have lost their lives for no reason at all. You grab your child and hug them a little tighter. You wonder why you screamed about their bed not being made or the fact that they were moving so slow this morning. I’m not saying that it isn’t important for our children to have rules and be disciplined. I’m just saying that it is a good reminder that some things aren’t as big as we make them out to be.
For example, if you knew that your husband was going to have a heart attack next week, how would that change how you treated him? The truth is do you know that he won’t? Do you have a guarantee that you’ll have another week to make up with him, to treat him right, to let him know just how much he means to you? How about your daughter or son? Do you know for a fact that they will live to be 50, 60, or 70? What if they encounter a drunk driver? What if they are diagnosed with cancer? What if your healthy 6 year old suddenly becomes ill and is diagnosed with lupus? Believe me….there are no guarantees.
Why does it take some major life event for us to pay attention? God tells us over and over again in His book to love our neighbor, to forgive, to treat others as we want to be treated, to care for the orphan and the widow. Why do we ignore these commands like they are just suggestions if we have the time and energy to do it? These should be our life goals.
The truth of the matter is there are approximately 147 million orphans in the world. There are approximately 250,000 children waiting to be adopted in the U.S. Why are we not standing up as Christians and doing something about this? My sister-in-law wrote a status on her Facebook about the ASPCA and their ads. Her 5 year old daughter asked her if they could be part of their team. She was so moved by the conditions of the animals. Why aren’t there commercials about children? What if they showed you a horrible orphanage and you saw your child’s face? What would you do to go get them? What if God has a child picked out for you and you are just leaving them there? What if we Christians put our values in what is really important? What could we change? We should all live generously. We should all be giving not if we have a little left over, but we should be sharing our wealth. We are so blessed as a country. We have so much. How much more is enough for you? What will be enough for you to decide you can share? When will you decide you can afford to help? What will it take to change your perspective?
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What if….
In honor of Lainey Rae who turns 2 today, I’m going to be talking to those of you who may have God tugging at your heart right now. Happy birthday Lainey. I’m heartbroken that I can not spend today with you, but you will no longer be alone on your birthdays. Daddy and I are coming sweet girl! 🙂
I watched the Rascal Flatts holiday special the other evening and cried through every story that was told. I watched as children said all they want is a family. I watched a 17 year old who said he cried because he thought his chance at a family was gone, that he had never had a birthday party. How does that happen? He had been in other foster homes, 8 of them, I think he said. Birthdays are special; it’s the day of rejoicing over your birth. Birthdays should be times of remembrance. Other families should have known that. That just broke my heart because it’s such a simple thing to fix. I wish everything in life was that easy to fix.
As Dan and I have talked to more people and read more about orphanages and adoptions, we have heard more and more stories. Stories that will break your heart. Stories that will change your life forever. Some stories I wish I’d never heard. Pictures I wish I’d never seen. My heart can barely stand the thought of what too many children must endure. Children in pain. Children starving for much more than just food. Children alone and hurting wanting nothing more than to be loved by a family.
I hear people talk about adoption, but many have their “buts and what ifs”.
I would so love to, but
It cost so much money – what if I can’t raise enough?
What if it disrupts our family?
What if it is just too much?
What if I can’t love them like my biological children?
Well, I will counter with these “what if’s”…
What if you could save one child from starving to death?
What if you could change the world for one child?
What if you could be the whole world for one child?
What if you are the only thing between a child and a life of prostitution or living on the street?
What if you could be the face of God for one child?
What if when you stand before your king He shows you what you could have done?
Heaven is perfect and beautiful but that doesn’t mean we won’t know what we could have done better. Whose lives we hurt and whose lives we made better. I can’t imagine standing in front of God and having Him show me a life that I could have saved, if only I wasn’t afraid. I know there is so much I have done wrong but when I finally trusted Him so much became crystal clear. A life about me isn’t a life at all. A life about HIM is what it is about. I still fail. I still sin. I am still so imperfect; but I am not afraid to follow His lead. Okay, maybe I am fearful sometimes, but I am above all else obedient to His call.
I recently read Corrie Ten Boom’s book The Hiding Place. Children in orphanages aren’t much different than those in concentration camps. “How?” you might ask? Well, children who are considered “less than” are brought there. These children are starving, abandoned, and alone through no fault of their own. That’s not to say there aren’t caring people in some orphanages, but there are also places where children are just left to die. Places where children weigh 14 pounds at the age of 12. The holocaust was horrible because of Hitler’s evil, but it was much more horrible because of all the people who stood by and watched it happen; people who turned a blind eye because they didn’t want to become involved. Christians turning a blind eye is worse even than the evil that man can do because they know better. It is in black and white in God’s book. James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. Widows are hurting. Orphans are starving. People are thirsty for both water and God’s word. Children are alone and waiting for a family.
Again I ask…
What if you were no longer fearful?
What if your dreams were bigger than you thought?
What if you could change the world….one child at a time?
What if God is just waiting to bless your life?
What if somewhere out there is your child? The child God choose for you. What if she is cold and alone and fearful? What if your son cries alone at night because he is alone, afraid, hungry? This child is yours as surely as if he/she grew in your womb (or your wives). This isn’t an unknown face across the miles. This is YOUR child and you have chosen to turn a blind eye.
What if…..
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Waiting is the hardest part…
Once your heart has been taken. Once that picture is placed in front of you. Once God has grabbed hold of your heart and wrapped it up so completely that you can barely wait another moment to hold them, you start to dream and the wait begins. Waiting is truly the hardest part because the process is so painstakingly slow. It’s hard to fathom why you have to jump through so many hoops; why you have to fill out reams and reams of paperwork for a child that has been abandoned; why when they are just sitting in an orphanage; you can’t just go get them. There has to be an easier way to get these sick and hurting children into loving homes much faster. But for now my only option is to follow the rules, wait and pray and pray and pray. Pray that they will stay healthy enough until we can get them. Pray that I’m given the chance to let them know how much they are loved. Pray that they are being cared for. Pray that somehow they can feel in their hearts that they have a family.
When you start the process all you have is a picture and very little information. It’s sort of like seeing that ultrasound and wanting so much to just see that little face in person. Yet, at the same time it is very, very different. The difference is your child isn’t safe and warm in utero. Your child is in a cold orphanage. They may be being cared for. They may be getting the proper amount of food, but they may not be. They may have friends that they play with or they may be being bullied in ways that you can’t even imagine. They may have a nanny who truly cares, but you just don’t know and that is the hardest part. No matter what is happening, it still isn’t family. There is something to be said for being comforted and knowing that your parents will keep you safe. When we got Ben and Maisey, they wouldn’t even cry when they got hurt. Maisey had no way to express herself so she would throw herself to the floor with very little provocation. It didn’t take long for that to stop – all we had to do was explain things and listen to her. My heart just melted the other day when Maisey ran to her daddy for him to kiss her booboo on her toe. She knows she’s loved and that people care if she’s hurt. Ben and Maisey know they have many, many people who love them. They know they will be listened to. They know there is always food. They know they will be held whenever they come running. We take a lot for granted as parents. Trust, affection, love, adoration are all wonderful gifts given freely from our children and we rarely give it a second thought.
There are many different types of orphanages. There are state of the art orphanages and there are orphanages that don’t even have doors or windows. There are orphanages where they try their best to make sure that the child is cared for to the best of their abilities and there are orphanages where the children are slowly starving to death for both food and love. There are orphanages with interaction and love and there are orphanages where they prop the bottle and check on them in 4 hours. I have a hard time comprehending the difference in cultures. I can’t even wrap my mind around someone not holding and rocking a baby. I’ve heard about orphanages where they won’t even hold a child that has downs syndrome or another disability because they believe these children will never be loved so you shouldn’t show them any affection. It is shocking to me the lack of value of life. How is it even imaginable that someone could watch a child slowly starve to death when they had the ability to change it? How can life mean so little? It is just so different. Here in America we have the occasional story where someone disposes of a child like they were trash. But just recently there was a news story in China where one woman saved 30 babies from the trash. That is one town and one woman. I know you can not possibly give individual attention to each baby if you are caring for 20 or more by yourself. I know they believe if they are fed and changed, they have done their job. But that is not nearly enough.
What if your child is older? This has put a whole new spin on it for us. We know she wants to go to school but isn’t able to because of wheelchair accessibility. Think about your 13 year old wanting to learn. Wanting so much to be able to learn but the classroom is just out of reach so she sits there alone knowing that her disability keeps her from learning. You want to help, but you are a half a world away. It’s one thing to lose days when your child is 1, but losing days when your child is 13 1/2 is so much more disheartening. I want her to have all that she is able to dream about. I want her to read and write and do arithmetic. I want her to learn about God. I want her to trust that even though it doesn’t make sense that she spent 6 years in an orphanage, that God can use it for good. That her life has worth. That her life will touch more people than she can even imagine. I want her to understand that God has always been there. I hope she can feel His peace. I hope He has brought her the comfort we have prayed for. I hope that she is ready to be treasured by a whole family that is so ready to love her. Her life is going to change and she will change ours. I can’t wait until I can touch her sweet face. I can’t wait to hold her hand and tell her that we will always be there. I want to brush her hair and hold her close. It hurts that I have to wait. It breaks my heart that she has to spend one more day there. I hate that she has to wait but I pray that we will be there soon. I pray that she is ready for a very loud house. I pray that she is ready to be cherished. I pray that she is ready for 6 younger siblings that will adore her and 3 older ones who will dote on her and one virtual twin that is excited beyond excited to have a sister.
I love this saying. It describes our house best. In this house we do second chances. We do loud really well. We do love. We do grace. We do real. We do hugs. We do I’m sorrys. We do family. We do faith.
Her second chance is coming and I feel so blessed that I get to be a part of it. I hope I can convey just how wonderful she is, just how loved she truly is, and that she can dream BIG and make it reality. I know it is hard for some people to understand how you can love a child when you have only just seen a picture. I can’t explain how God works but I can tell you that she IS my daughter and I would go to the ends of the earth to keep her safe. I will follow the rules and the regulations, but I will not let her go. I will fight for everything she deserves. I will be there soon sweetheart. I wish I could change your past but I can not, but I can and will change your future. I can’t wait to see the path that God has laid out for you. I will walk beside you. I will hold you up when life tries to knock you down. I will cheer for you and encourage you in any way that I can. I will let you know you are cherished and loved. I will do all that I can because I AM your mom!
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