2013 China Adventures: Part 1

Date: 2013.05.07 | Category: Adoption | Response: 0

What a day it has been. We left Hong Kong to head Guangzhou, where we were to catch a plane and fly to Guiyang, which is where we will meet Min.

First, I realized I was off a whole day and I had 24 extra hours to wait to get her – which was heartbreaking. As I write this now, it is 2:33 a.m. here in China. We leave in exactly 12 hours to go get her. Now I am positive I have my days straight. Anyway, while we were crossing the bridge from Hong Kong to China we were stopped in immigration, not for the 6 large suitcases we carried but because there was something wrong with my mother-in-law’s passport.  We sat in a hot van for 2 1/2 hours while we waited and in the process missed our flight.  We finally were allowed to leave and headed to the airport. We were originally set to fly out at 12:30.  We now had a flight for 18:15 and they wouldn’t let us check our luggage until 16:00. Three hours to wait. The out of place Americans with their boatload of suitcases.  Boy, were we a sight.

I spent quite a bit of time at the KFC counter trying to order chicken.  This was no small feat considering no one spoke English.  I pointed to what I thought were chicken nuggets and got a Pepsi because no one understood diet Pepsi and there was no cute little picture for it.  Come to find out they don’t sell diet, probably because everyone is a size double zero here.  (See back to the size issue here.  I feel like a giant here. It’s just the way it is.)

Anyway, back to my story.  I sit down and take a bite of my nugget which is in fact some breaded, hot, spicy, fish bite. I was a bit confused since the picture clearly looked like popcorn chicken bites but hungry enough to try a couple more. Went back up to the counter and tried again. I pointed to the two pieces of chicken. I paid my money. They handed me two wings. I’m ordering chicken for my husband, seriously, how hard can this be?  I am at KFC for goodness sakes. Our guide finally comes back and I beg her to help me. She argues with the girl about me getting two pieces of chicken and we finally do.  Dan was happy, I was relieved, and Cassie was in tears laughing at the hilarity of it all.

We waited and waited and waited. We walked around with our three trolleys of luggage and everyone stared. I am absolutely positive we were conversation and laughs for many people today. Even our guide asked if we brought our whole house. I explained again that we were getting four and we brought two suitcases of clothes packed in those “suck out the air” bag things to donate to the orphanage. We learned that the orphanage has no heat and asked if there was anything they could use. They informed me one summer and one fall outfit for each of the children. I have quite a few sets of clothes in my luggage. My worst fear was immigration opening those bags to search them. There is no way all of those clothes would have gone back into those suitcases.

We were tired and we were hungry. I’m not even going to go into the horrors of the “squat toilets” or the fact that the American toilet had a sign on the outside that said “only for the weak”.  We were obviously frustrated and heading towards cranky. I hate days like this. Days that should be joy filled but little things keep chipping away at your happiness.  We like to call it “the attack of the mosquito”. We all know where those doubts come from. Attacks like this are just the same.  Chipping away at our joy so we lose sight of what a blessing we have in front of us. I don’t like when I lose sight even for a minute.  My eyes are where they should be and after a good dose of reading a very good book, I’m back to feeling happy and excited!

It is now 2:59 am and at 15:00 tomorrow, 12 hours away, I will be seeing her in person for the very first time. I didn’t expect my journey to get her to be easy and today didn’t let me down. The really good things in life are never easy.

We will post pictures tomorrow. What a joy it will be to finally touch her sweet face and say “wo shi ni de mama” – I am your mama!

My heart feels such love for this little girl. Dan and I were sitting in the airport talking about how we both saw her picture at the same time, on different computers in different rooms, and fell instantly in love. For parents who had agreed to never adopt an older child, this was no small miracle.   Someday she will hear this story and hopefully fully understand just how much she was loved from the very first moment we saw her face.

Hello from Hong Kong

Date: 2013.05.06 | Category: China 2013 | Response: 0

It has been an interesting day.  Learned a lot about the culture and life here in Hong Kong.  6,000+ people per square kilometer as compared to our 31/sq km in the U.S.  Land is at a premium so they build skyscrapers 50-60+ stories high.  The average size apartment is 300-400 sq foot for a family of 3-4.  The average yearly wage is $1,300 for workers.  There is no middle class here.  You are poor or you are rich.  There is not much for middle ground.  It is beautiful.  Everything lies down in the harbor.  We went to Victoria’s Peak today and we were in the clouds.  Actually breathing clouds.  Couldn’t see a thing when we looked down but saw a shirt in the window for sale that said “blessed”.

I wanted to buy it and advertise my life everywhere I went.   Blessed, blessed, blessed.  I feel so blessed.   I know I am blessed and not just by things. It’s true, I have too many things.  I’m having a hard time dealing with this fact especially after Francis Chan’s Crazy Love book.  I have felt this way for a long time.  How much is enough to spend on yourself?  How much should you give away.  Read about what he has done.  It is amazing.  He downsized and has given away so much.  That is what we should do.  I recently read a verse in the bible that talked about this in new testament days.  Acts 2:42-47   Wouldn’t it be great if that is how we all lived?  Those with help those that are struggling.  True brotherhood.  True loving your neighbor as Christ loved you.

Anyway, I’m sure I will talk about this later.  What I’d like to talk about is Min.  I can’t believe that we are a day away.  I know we will change her life.  I know that she will come to know how much she is loved.  But the truth is this must be a very hard week for her.  She was abandoned during the next week, two weeks before her 8th birthday.   What must that have been like?  Did her family try hard to care for her?  Was she in an accident that lead to her paraplegia?  Was she abused?  Did they want to take care of her and had no money to do that?  They live in a very poor rural community.   We can’t even wrap our heads around what that means.  No insurance, no aid to help care for her, no paved roads for a girl in a wheelchair.  So they left her in a very visible spot, outside, near the dam.  What kind of dam?  I don’t know.  I just know she was found and taken to an orphanage.  An orphanage that loves her but just can’t provide for her.  She isn’t able to walk nor is she able to be carried by the very small workers.

That is a whole other post.  If you want to feel huge, go to China.  My weight has always been an issue with me, but today I am happy I am strong.  Today I am happy that I have carried and moved Codey every day for the last 26 years.  My father-in-law used to say I reminded him of the story of the boy who grew up carrying his calf.  He gradually grew stronger the larger the calf got.  Anyway, because I have carried Codey all these years, I will now be able to carry my little 80 pound, 13 year old daughter.  See….all things work together for good.  It’s amazing when you stand back and look at it.

But today I want to talk about Min and what this means for her.  Can you imagine the courage this girl has?  She will be taken to a land where she knows no one and will have to learn the language.  She is a brave, brave girl.  She has been asked if this is what she wants and she says “yes”.  She wants a family.  She is excited about her big family.  She has no idea what is about to hit her.  We are all so ready to love her.  The girls, especially Cassie and Grace, have been dreaming about her for weeks.  They were fighting over who gets to brush her hair first, style it first, paint her nails first.  Oh boy, Min is in for some loving.

But imagine what that must have been like for her, two weeks before her 8th birthday, left beside a dam.  Did she cry?  Did she understand?  Did they leave her without her knowing they were going to?  Did they discuss it and decide it was for the best?  So although I know how much her life is going to change for the better, she doesn’t know.  For that reason, please cover my little girl with prayer.  Prayers for peace.  Prayers for understanding.

One more day and you will be forever mine.  Although, truth-be-told, she’s been mine since the day I read the article about her in Love Without Boundaries.  God makes families in the most wonderful way.

As ready as we can be…..(part 2)

Date: 2013.05.03 | Category: Adoption | Response: 0

As I sit here contemplating what this trip means, it brings tears to my eyes.  It was during this week 26 years ago, that I sat in the hospital, very sick because I had become infected after my emergency c-section and prayed for my two little boys.  All of my dreams had come crashing down in just a few short hours.  I had been life flighted (air helicopter) to Des Moines.  I had been told so many horrible things about what the outcome for my boys would be.  Life moved in slow motion and I was in a daze.  They allowed me to go into the NICU on this day to hold their little hands.  I know now it was because they knew how sick Kyle was.  They called us in later that night and he passed away.  I remember it clearly because it was an open bed unit and they pulled this little white curtain around us to give us some time with him.  Have I mentioned that I absolutely detest white curtains?  And I wept.   I doubted I could go on.  I didn’t even have the words to pray.   I felt as if a part of my heart had died with him.

The next few days were a blur.  We drove Kyle the 90 minutes to our home town, after his autopsy, because we couldn’t afford to have the funeral home to come get him.  We thought we could pay for the funeral because we had the child rider on our life insurance policy but Kyle only lived 5 days and you have to live 7 days to collect.  Everything was such a nightmare.  The picking out of a little outfit. The little white casket.  The forever of letting go.  It was just so hard.  It is still hard during this week, 26 years later.  My heart still aches for what could have been.

So as I get ready to leave on May 4th, the day that Kyle died, I am so happy and yet heartbroken at the same time.  I know that these things have worked together for the good of God, but that doesn’t make it easy.  It doesn’t mean that it was good.  It just means it worked together for good.  I was very fearful after the boys.  I had always dreamed of having a big family, but I didn’t want to take the chance.  God knew better and even though I took all the precautions that I could, I got pregnant with Zachary.  Anyone who knows Zachary, knows what a gift that was.  God blessed me with the sweetest, smartest, little boy that I could have ever dreamed of.

Dan and I were talking about this yesterday.  We were discussing how we know for a fact that we would not be who we are without all that we had gone through.  That doesn’t mean we have it all together.  I still feel like such a baby believer.  I still make so many mistakes.  I still don’t get all that I know I could get done, done.  I still have areas of weakness that I fight with all the time, like my weight.   But I do now know what is important.  I wish I would have woken up sooner to the fact, but I finally figured it out.

Many times during this year, I have questioned whether I can really do this.  It doesn’t help when people question your sanity.  It makes you question it yourself.  Most people have been very encouraging, but they still say they are glad it’s me and not them.  So when they ask about extracurricular activities for the kids and whether or not they will have enough time it does make you question what you are doing.  Then I stop and I reread James 1:27 – “…to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”   We think being polluted by the world is stuff like watching R rated movies, or listening to the wrong kind of music.  But the reality is we are polluted by the world with our American ideals.  We don’t rely on God because we have everything at our fingertips.  We don’t pray to God for our food, our home, our car.  We take all those things for granted.  We provide for them.  It’s all about “we” or “me”.  I deserve a nice vacation.  I deserve this new toy.  Well, why do we deserve?  What have we truly done to deserve anything?  I know I’ve done nothing.  I am no better than that mother sitting in China with no hope for her child with a cardiac defect.  She cries and wants nothing more than to love this baby that grew inside her, but she has no choice but to abandon him.  She has to.  There’s no big bank account.  There’s no health insurance.  There’s no public aid to help.  She has absolutely no choice.

But I do have a choice.  I have a choice to do without my vacation.  I have a choice to go get this child and love them with all my heart.  I don’t know why these bad things happen.  I don’t know why any child dies or is born with problems.  I don’t.  I can’t wrap my head around it.  But just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean I should not pay attention to  it.

So even though I am afraid.  Even though I wonder if I can do it all.  I know through Christ I can do all things.  I will keep my eyes on the Lord.  I will repeat over and over again the phrase – caring for the least of these.  I don’t have to have it all together to love them.  I don’t have to be perfect to truly change their lives.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can let them know they are loved.  I can let them know that I will always be here for them.  I can show them the love of a family.

I can’t even begin to put into words what it has been like this past year.  Watching Ben and Maisey grow and thrive.  Maisey loves with such abandon.  I can’t believe that she was a discarded child in China.  6 pounds at 6 months.  No one cared if she lived or died and then the Hills found her.  She is such a joy.  Truly a joy.  She throws herself into your arms and she loves you so much it almost hurts as Dan says.  Just yesterday, she put a hand on each side of my face and said, “Mama! Mama! I happy here.”  She is 3 and profoundly hard of hearing.  Hearing those words come out of her mouth perfectly….well, that just says it all.  She is happy here.  It’s not about dance and being the best in school.  It’s not about providing every single item that they could possibly want.  It’s about providing a warm bed to crawl into and arms that welcome you every morning.  It’s about knowing that they matter.

I may not be able to do it all but together, with the rest of my crew, we will do the most important thing.  We will give them family.  We will give them love and a safe place to fall.  They will know they matter.  They will see the love of Christ and they will know that their lives have worth.  What a beautiful thing to get to be a part of.  I have come full circle as a mother.  I started out on May 4th, 1987 saying goodbye to my dream of having a big family, with my white picket fence, and fairytale ending.  And now 26 years later, I am saying thank you to God for allowing me to have my dream, when I had given up hope of it ever happening.   So with tears in my eyes, I set off knowing I will not do this perfectly, but that I know I can love them with all my heart and be the best mommy that I can be.

Yesterday, after hearing what Ben had said to me about Eli, Dan said the sweetest words to me.

“Your conversation with Ben brought tears to my eyes. He truly understands what “mommy” means – and he knows what it will mean to Eli.
I want to share a quote from Katie Davis: “Mommy.” She said it and I knew. She was mine. I was captivated. Because Mommy is forever. It’s such a powerful name. Mommy means “I trust you.” Mommy means “you will protect me.” Mommy is for shouting when you need someone dependable and for laughing when you are excited; Mommy is for crying on and cuddling with when you are sad or giggling and hiding behind when you are embarrassed. Mommy is the fixer of boo-boos and mender of broken hearts. Mommy is a comfort place, a safe place. Mommy means you are mine and I am yours and we are family. (from the book “Kisses from Katie”)

Lisa – My children are so blessed that YOU are their Mommy.”

I can be a mommy to them and for that reason, I am as ready as I can possibly be…..

As ready as we can be….

Date: 2013.05.02 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Lainey Rae, Photos | Response: 0

Little did I know, over a year ago, when I had that feeling God wasn’t finished with us and adopting, that it would lead to these four beautiful souls.

We have filed all our papers and the very last check has been sent to our agency.   We have spent months, upon months, upon months, praying and hoping that all would work out the way we hoped.  We have watched God unfold miracle after miracle on our behalf and we are feeling blessed beyond measure.  We have dreamed and cried and laughed with joy with each new update including the newest picture of Ben’s didi, Eli!  Isn’t he the sweetest little guy?

We have put together five little booster seats…..

along with five little beds….

And before anyone says anything about it looking like an orphanage or wondering why all the beds would be so close together.  I feel the need to say that when Ben and Maisey came home they wanted to be in the same room.  Plus, every time I place the beds in different positions in the room, this is what Ben does.  He pushes them all together and tells me who will sleep where and how he is going to hold everyone’s hands and then he yells, “Mama, this is gonna be so much fun!”  We  have six bedrooms in the house.  There is more than enough room for them all, but this is how we are going to start out…..together, having so much fun!

We have added a mural to their bedroom wall….

We have bought three new car seats……  and I have answered “No, I don’t need gift receipts.  Yes, they are mine.  No, I’m not crazy!” more than a few times.  🙂

We have packed all our suitcases and are hoping we haven’t forgotten anything.

We have added on Cassie at the very last minute due to our agency’s request.  Believe it or not with a week in which to do it, she got her finals moved and taken, her work covered, her visa, the tickets are bought, and she is packed.

The siblings are excited….

The countdown chart has been made.  Dan told Ben that we were going to China to get our treasures and somehow Ben has decided we are traveling on a pirate ship.

The have gotten in their bonding time with daddy…..

Everyone adores Zachary so I know they will be loved and well cared for.

So there is nothing left to do, but bid you all adieu.

What’s to worry about….earthquakes, nuclear war, bird flu?!?!  Nah, God’s got it covered.

Thank you so much for all your prayers, well wishes, encouragement, and offers to help while we are gone.

God bless you all!

In just two short days, we will be off on our great adventure to bring four more children into our family.  It is our greatest wish to give them a warm place to fall and love for the rest of their lives.

Ben’s conversation with me today says it best:

Ben – “Mama, Eli is going to say xie xie (thank you).”
Me – “Why would Eli say xie xie Ben?”
Ben – “Cause he gets a mama, mama.”

Every child, even one who has never had one, understands what a mommy and a daddy are.  Family is a beautiful gift that should be every child’s right.  So we leave the comfort of our home and our children, to head half-way across the world to give that right to four more beautiful souls.  God is good and we are blessed!

Happy Birthday Codey & Kyle

Date: 2013.04.30 | Category: Codey, Kyle, Photos | Response: 0

My life was forever changed the day Codey and Kyle were born.  You can’t go back to who you were after something like that happens.  Trivial things were soon forgotten.  Material things were soon forgotten.   When you have to bury a son and your son who lives is forever changed, you don’t have a choice but to grow up.

I don’t have a perfect life.  Truth be told, to most my life would seem extremely boring.  I wake up every day and go to Farrell’s (for my “me” time) but before that I change my son and I give him a g-tube feeding.  Codey is unable to do most things for himself.  I feed him by g-tube six times a day.  I feed him by mouth three times a day.  I change him.  I bathe him.  I brush his teeth.   Add to that trying to do laundry, dishes, cook all the meals, run everyone everywhere,  homeschool my other kids and just be their mom and well, that seems like a pretty boring life.

I have always wondered if there was something really wrong with me? I’ve heard others describe me as a PollyAnna or they tell me that I see things through rose colored glasses.  But I’m just as confused when I hear others talk about their lives and they seem disappointed.  They talk about their lives like they were supposed to have some great adventure and they are upset it never happened.  I hear mothers say that they go to work to get away from their children.  I hear people talk about not being able to wait for summer vacation to be over so the kids go back to school.  I realize lots of times people don’t have a choice or they are just trying to be funny, but it makes me wonder just the same.  I love my life.  I love being a mother.  I love being married to my best friend.  That doesn’t mean I’m thrilled with six loads of laundry a day.  It doesn’t mean that I’m thrilled at having to pick toys up off the floor for the upteenth time.  But it does mean I make a conscious choice to be happy about it.  I can make it fun or a I can make it a chore.  I have chosen to look at my life with a different perspective because of all the things that have happened to me because of Codey and Kyle.  I know how quickly your life can change.  I know how much I would have given to spend more time with Kyle.  I am happy being at home because I know how blessed I am every day to get to love my children for one more day.  I have many, very sick children and that privilege won’t always be there.  I don’t take a moment that I get to spend with them for granted.

It’s been 26 years since my dreams of two blonde-haired, sweet little boys ceased to be.  I thought my life was over.  I thought I’d never be happy again.  I questioned why it had to happen to me.  I questioned why God would allow something so devastating to happen to two parents who wanted nothing more than to love their children.  I had no clue what Kyle’s death and Codey’s life would change when we started out.

But 26 years later, I have a small glimpse of the threads that will one day be the tapestry of Kyle and Codey’s life….

Dan became a doctor with the promise to make life better for other children.

Dan understands what it means to be the parent of a very, very sick child.  He knows how to talk to parents.  He knows how important it is to tell the truth in the nicest way possible.  He understands that sometimes no matter how hard you try a child will die.  He understands who his gifts come from and who is truly in control.  He learned that the things a parents need the most is to be heard, to know their child has worth, and to believe that their doctor has their child’s best interest at heart.

I learned to not live my life in fear because you never know what the next day will bring.  You can worry about surgeries and when your child is going to die, but the reality is only God knows the number of anyone’s days.  So you might as well go on with your life and make the best of it, enjoying every wonderful moment you are allowed to have.

I learned that sometimes doctors make mistakes and the consequences are devastating but blaming them and being bitter won’t change anything.

I learned that not everyone will appreciate how hard you fought for your child to live.

I have learned that most people will never understand the worth of a child who isn’t what the world considers “normal”.

I have learned that you can do more and handle more than you ever thought possible, as long as you keep your eyes on the Lord.

I have learned that by opening your heart to love, even with the possibility of loss, you gain beautiful blessings that are beyond measure.

I have learned that the only thing you can take to heaven with you are your children.

I have learned that sometimes people fulfill God’s plan and never measure up to man’s ideal.

I have learned that sometimes scary things lead to wonderful things – Kyle lead to Hope which lead to Ben which lead to Evie which lead to Eli.

I have learned that the death of a child really isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you – especially when you have the promise of forever.

I have learned that doctor’s don’t always know what they are talking about.  We called our family down numerous times that first year because Codey wasn’t going to make it through the night.  We were also told he wouldn’t live past a year.  Sometimes, you just need to take it a day at a time.

I have learned that the unconditional love of child truly is an amazing thing.

I have learned that you should always forgive because you never know when your last day will be.

I have learned that every day you have the choice to be happy or not.

I have seen first hand the unshakeable spirit of a child who has been through more than any person should have to go through (close to 100 surgeries and 5 years in the hospital) and yet enjoys each and every day.

I am blessed to be Codey’s mother. It’s not remarkable by most people’s standards, but it has been miraculous.  I have had a ring-side seat to some of the most amazing things.  You may look at Codey and see all that he isn’t able to do, but I look at Codey and see all that he can do.  He has done remarkable for a child that we were told, if he lived he would spend his life in a vegetative state, blind and deaf.   He gets around the house.  He loves Football, Wheel of Fortune, and the Price is Right.  He is truly a happy boy. Someday he will walk, someday he will talk, someday he will do all the things I dreamed he’d do.  Codey and Kyle have taught me more in my life than any other person.   My life has been harder with all we’ve gone through but I am a much better person for having them in my life.  It’s hard to not feel blessed by that.

Happy birthday Codey & Kyle!   Mama loves you!

Miraculous happenings.

Date: 2013.04.24 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Maisey | Response: 0

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

My Facebook post from today:

We went ahead and planned our consulate visit for the girls and set our travel based on their schedule. We didn’t want Min to have to wait any longer than necessary since she is so close to aging out of the system. (In China once you hit 14, you are no longer available for adoption.) She will turn 14 on June 1st. We took a chance that they might not be able to get Eli’s Article 5 and travel approval (T.A.) granted in time to have the same consulate appointment as the girls, which would mean extra days in China waiting for his consulate appointment. When we asked the Consulate if they could hold an appointment for him, they told us not without a T.A. So we decided to proceed and left the details up to God. He’s done a pretty good job so far this year. Today we heard that T.A. has been issued and the consulate appointment is the same day as the girls. This has been a year of miraculous happenings all around. Feeling very blessed today. We get to travel and get them all at the same time without delays! If you’ve never adopted you may not understand just how miraculous this is but I can assure you the delays in paperwork are mind boggling sometimes. Believe me this is huge!

I just thought I’d share an interesting tidbit of our adoption journey.

Here is an excerpt from the June 2012 newsletter that we read with Eli’s (Warren’s) information.  This is the picture that I fell in love with.

“This week we ask for prayer for a family for Warren who has a complex heart condition that the surgeons say he may have a chance of some surgeries if he is adopted to the US. Please pray that a family would be willing to adopt sweet Warren to give him the best that life can offer despite his condition.”

And the very next month here is what the newsletter said:

“Prayer Request for the month:    Last month we asked for prayers for a family for Warren and we rejoice greatly for answered prayers. We hear that a family in the US is very interested in adopting him and we hope that everything will go smoothly and quickly for him.”

Why did this news change?  Well, because we asked about this sweet, little guy.  I mean seriously….just look at that face.  Would you not fall in love too?  I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.  When we got the papers from his orphanage, they described him over and over again as handsome and charming.

And later we read this amazing news in Show Hope’s July newsletter and all the while I was reading it I was thinking “No, you can’t advocate in this newsletter for a family for Warren because his mommy and daddy have been found.”  And then I prayed….a lot!  Hoping that we would be the family that would be allowed to adopt him.  All the while Ben was calling this little boy his didi (little brother), which made absolutely no sense.

“We ask for prayer that a family will be able to adopt sweet Warren so that he might be able to have the chance of surgery and the best that life can offer him,” shares Dr. Joyce Hill, who oversees the Show Hope Special Care Centers.

Maria’s Big House of Hope, located in the Henan province, has provided care, love, and medical attention for 500 children with special needs. Within all three Special Care Centers located throughout the province, Show Hope has provided life-giving care for more than 800 children.

“Warren, as the 500th child to come into care at Maria’s Big House of Hope, signifies the hundreds and thousands of children we hope to care for in the coming years, thanks to the generous support of so many amazing donors and supporters,” shares Scott Hasenbalg, Show Hope’s Executive Director. “We have the amazing opportunity to watch miracles happen as children who had no hope become stronger, healthier and happier children. As more donors join this work, we hope to open even more Special Care Centers as soon as we are able.”   (Show Hope)

Eli was our own little celebrity.  I find this whole thing ironic.  The reason that I chose to adopt in the first place was that Mary Beth Chapman just happened to write a book.  Choosing to See  I had been wrestling for quite a while with the fact that Dan wanted to adopt again, but I felt like I was too old.  In the book, Mary Beth’s daughter asks her if it is better for an orphan to have an older mother or no mother at all.  I read those words, cried, changed my opinion and we proceeded with our adoption.  This little boy that I fell in love, (Warren/Eli)  had been cared for in Maria’s Big House of Hope, which is named after the Chapman’s daughter Maria who had been killed in a tragic accident.  And then another amazing thing happened  (another sign of God’s humor and His work in all of this).  After we had been home with Maisey for a few months, we learned some information about her.  She was a little celebrity in her own right.   She had been written about in a book.   The House of Hope   Our little Maisey (Chaya) was New Hope Foundation’s (Hope Foster Home ) 1,000th admission.  If you sponsor a child in this home, it goes through Show Hope too.  Coincidence?  A twist of fate?  I choose to believe otherwise.  I know whose hand has been  all over our adoptions.  What are the odds that we would be blessed with being parents to both of these “milestone” children who had been cared for by Show Hope which is helped by the very people (The Chapmans) who sent us on our adoption journey to start with?

In life, if you take the time to look, you will see God’s hand in the smallest of details.  Things that we think are unimportant or don’t matter, add up to bigger things down the road.   A book read, a detour in the road, your pain, a delay, they all can be part of a bigger plan, a bigger purpose.  “It’s incredible to realize that what we do each day has meaning in the big picture of God’s plan”  ( Bill Hybels )  Do everything as unto the Lord because you never know which part of your seemingly ordinary day is just waiting for God to make it extraordinary.

STUCK!

Date: 2013.04.23 | Category: Adoption | Response: 0

I should have waited for my “Wow….Just Wow”  title or maybe I just need to brush up on my vocabulary skills….

I went to the STUCK documentary tonight.  Before I start I want to get the most important part of this blog out there.  If you feel like you want to do something to help the orphan and you feel helpless to do anything, take a moment and go to Petition for Change or text 67463 and sign the petition that they will be presenting to Washington on May 17th.  Be part of the squeaky wheel and let’s get something done!

I knew it was going to be heartbreaking.  Talking about orphans and seeing their plight always hurts.  I wondered if others were having the same reaction I was.  I mean there were so many parts in the movie that hit home for me, a child that would age out at 14 and what that really means, a daughter who weighed 6 pounds at 6 months, failure to thrive, rotted teeth, shaved heads, sleeping on boards, crowded rooms, and all those faces you leave behind, just to name a few.  Add to that the fact that a couple of my children would have died in those facilities, well, it was more than I could take.

As I looked around the room, I saw many, many tears being shed.   Obviously others were touched too.  I couldn’t tell whether it was the movie or because many in the room had already adopted and the memories were just too much.   Many were there, just like us, wanting to see what they could do to raise awareness for the orphan.  I wondered about the others who were there that have been contemplating adoption, would this movie make them think twice?  Would they be fearful that they too would get stuck?  Would it change their mind for the worse or the better?

I know that these movies and articles like the one from Mother Jones have a place.  The sad reality is that there are people that don’t do it for the right reason.  I had a person comment on my last post and it really opened my eyes to what is happening in some places.  The other really horrible reality is sometimes people get “stuck” like in the movie.  These stories need to be told so reform can be made.  I get that, but at the same time in a country where the rate of adoption has plummeted in the past few years, it makes me wonder how much worse it is going to get before it gets better.  That is why I mentioned the petition, we need to start somewhere with reform.  We need to make a difference for these children.  We need to make people understand.  Those of us who have been there know.  We are their only hope and their hope is fading.

Tonight I was disappointed in the town of Des Moines.  In a state of 3 million people and a town of over 200,000 people we weren’t able to sell out a 342 person theater.  There were two churches sponsoring it, so it makes you wonder why wasn’t it full of people.  Or the fact that many who were there have already adopted, well that lead me to what I often say…..people don’t want to know because if they know the truth, they have to do something about it.  You can’t watch this documentary and not have your heart touched.    Or maybe you can.  I don’t know.  Why don’t you give it a try and let me know.  It is $12.99, not a lot in the grand scheme of things.  Plus, your money goes to a good cause.  So what do you say?   Get a few people together, have a showing, and educate yourself on what it really means to be an orphan.  I’m attaching their website here.  Let me know what you think.    STUCK

I stayed after to ask Mr. Juntunen a question.   What was that thought provoking question you had, Lisa?   You were wondering right?  No, well, humor me. Please.  It’s late and I just cried a lot and I want to go get my children and it’s been a long day.  At the end of the show he said I bet you are wondering what you can do.  People shook their heads yes and he responded with spread the word.  Get on Facebook and let others know.  If your friends share and their friends share, the squeaky wheel will get heard.  I understand that, but I have been doing that.  I’m trying to spread the word through my blog.  I’m trying to share with my Facebook friends, but often I feel like I’m preaching to the choir.  I know you guys care.  Really I do, but then I started thinking about who really reads my blog?  Do people really take it to heart?  I’m not the most eloquent speaker. I wish I had the ability to really tell a story in a beautiful way, but mostly I just write like I was talking to you in person.  So my question was….”What can I do now?  I’m already spreading the word.  I’m already talking about it.  I want to be able to do something. Please tell me what more I can do.”

I want to fix it.  But the truth is there’s nothing we can do unless some government official, in some foreign land, that values the life of an orphan very little, suddenly thinks that an orphan deserves to be heard.  An orphan adds no money to the economy.  An orphan has no family name.  An orphan can barely get fed or get an education.  How in the world are we going to make a high up official give a lick about a nameless orphan?  If a file sits on a desk for months, they don’t care because they don’t see the dejected faces.  They don’t see the parents pain.  They don’t see the child slowly start to fade away.  They really don’t care.

And then I started to think about tonight.  In a town with 215 churches (counted from the yellow pages), we couldn’t get one family from each church there to fill the theater. If you go to STUCK’s site and look at the petition, you will see they still need 988,000 signatures.  Read the petition.  It isn’t asking for a lot.  It is asking for people to pay attention to the plight of the orphan. It says that every child deserves the love of a family.  Seems pretty reasonable.  How can that petition not get enough signatures?  Who could be against that?  Are we all so complacent and uncaring that we can’t be bothered or is it just that we don’t know about it?   The sad, sad reality is that we live in a very prosperous country with millions of Christians.  If we can’t get Christians who are COMMANDED to take care of the orphan, to care, how can we possible expect a bureaucrat to?   Think about that for a while.  It starts with us.  We can’t fix others until we fix ourselves.

One of the things that has been most interesting to me on our journey is how many people guess we are people of faith because of what we are doing.  People in China know we are Christians because we have chosen to adopt the least of these.  Many people have asked us that question.  They get it.  People here in the states do the same thing.  When you talk about taking in children that are vulnerable, that have limited life spans, that aren’t the typical cute, cuddly baby, people notice.  I didn’t set out to make a point with our adopting.  I set out to adopt the children God lead us to.  But the truth is you can talk the talk, but your actions speak louder than anything else in your life.   What are your actions saying?  What is your life saying is most valuable to you?  What are you showing others?  Take a moment and educate yourself about what it is truly like for an orphan.  Take a moment and ask what you are giving your time, your money, your passions to.  Then please take a moment and sign this petition.  Make a difference.  I truly don’t know what if anything it will end up accomplishing, but what a beautiful thing to be able to see in black and white.  A million names standing up for the orphan.  A million people in America could really, really make a difference for the fatherless.  This is true religion.  Not hypocritical, not judgmental, not name calling, not angry, not excluding, but TRUE religion.  We have all been adopted into God’s family.  It is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  Let’s show the world what Christians can do for the least of these.

Wow! Just Wow!

Date: 2013.04.19 | Category: Adoption | Response: 0

After talking with a friend, I felt I needed to clarify what I wrote a little bit.  I am not talking about the adoption agencies, I don’t know these specific families, I know nothing about adoptions in Liberia, or the Magazine Above Rubies, but what I am talking about is how the church was portrayed.  The title says it all “Orphan Fever: The Evangelical Movement’s Adoption Obsession”.  The number of adoptions have fallen drastically in the past few years.  The last thing that needs to happen is for people to be turned off even more to adoption.  The truth needs to be told.  There needs to be lots of information on all sides.  There needs to be safe guards in place to protect all who are involved.  There needs to be lots of support for the child and the family.  But really….how can anyone say that the church is wrong for promoting adoption of the orphan?

I recently read an article by Mother Jones, that many are talking about, called “Orphan Fever”.  I read this article and was livid.  It makes me angry that people would take something that is good and pick the worst possible scenarios and act as if that is the way everyone who is a Christian feels about adoption.

I have always taught my children that when they become instantly defensive or angry about something they need to look closely at why they became so angry.  Is it because there is a grain of truth to it and you need to change something about yourself or is it because something truly needs to be defended?  I was obviously upset about this article so I started to look at the reason why I was angry.

One of the reason I became so angry about the stories in that article is because there are supposed to be safe guards  in place to protect against this kind of thing. No child should end up in a worse situation after being adopted.  The article makes it sound that way for the first family.  My children will be loved and we have more than enough love, resources, people, and abilities to care for them so I know that wasn’t it.

Another reason is because the article makes it sound like Christians aren’t adopting because they love the child but because they are trying to evangelize them.  I know that doesn’t apply to me.  It’s not that I don’t hope that my children will be saved, in all honesty I do, but that isn’t the main reason we are adopting. We set out to adopt our children after having a true sign.   We knew these were our children.  Each time it was a little different but it was a sure sign.  We loved these children.

There were many other points in that article that had no bearing on why we were adopting.  So one by one I ruled out the reasons why I would take it personally.

Which lead me to the real reason it made me so angry.  It made me angry because it shines such a poor light on why the church is promoting adoption.  One of the things I want to do most in the coming years is show the church why it is so important to promote and support adoption.  Many people feel unable to adopt because of lack of support or lack of money or lack of guidance and just plain fear.  God says in James 1:27  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  The church should be helping people see the need and God’s calling for adoption, but Satan is a crafty little fellow.  He decides “Let’s make adoption and Christians look bad. Let’s really scare people away.”    It’s hard to believe that this could be done yet this article does it.  That is why I was so angry.  It takes away from what the church is and should be doing.  How can trying to help orphans find a family be a bad thing?

Satan loves to use things like this to make us fearful.  Fearful of what others might say.  Fearful of what others will think.  Believe me I know.  I’ve talked about it a lot lately.  In my post about keeping my eyes on the Lord.  (Blog Post)   And I recently posted about people questioning my daughter about our adoptions. (Blog Post)

I am beyond thrilled that God has led us to these children.  I realize that our family is unique.  I realize that this is out of the norm.  It just breaks my heart to hear others question it.  Let me rephrase that, I understand if someone is truly asking questions because they want to know.  I’d love to give you statistics.  I’d love to give you a glimpse of just how bad institutional care is for a child.  I’d love to share with you what I’ve seen and how my heart has been forever changed.  I’d love to tell you about how God has led us to these children.  I’d love to share with you just how blessed our whole family feels.  But I know that many of these questions aren’t asked because the person is feeling inquisitive or truly wondering about adoption for themselves.  These questions are asked with disdain and dismay and sometimes outright disgust.   The sad part is I know I’m not alone in being asked these questions,  I’ve read many blogs lately where moms have complained about the questions that they are being asked.  There is actually a whole series of videos on you-tube showing the questions people get asked about adoption. (Video)   What kind of questions you might ask?

Here’s a list of some of the one’s I’ve been asked recently and yes, I’ve even blogged about that before. (Blog Post)

Aren’t you done yet?

Don’t you think you have enough already?

Don’t you realize what adopting children with special needs will do to our taxes?

Don’t you realize what adding these children on to your insurance will do to our insurance premiums?

Don’t you feel bad about not having enough time to spend with each child? 

Aren’t you worried about quality time? 

Aren’t you worried about one on one time?

What about dance and soccer and all the other fun things they won’t be able to do?

Aren’t you worried about what this will do to your other kids? 

Why in the world would you get four at once?

How did you afford them?

Why didn’t you just adopt from this country?

And my all time favorite….

Have you lost your mind?

Wow!  Really?  How about it I ask you some really personal questions just for the fun of it.  I’ll ask a disparaging question, not because I really want to know the truth but because I feel the need to feel superior to you in some way.   It feels like I’m being attacked for wanting to go to China and get MY children.  Which too me is like someone questioning why I am choosing to carry this baby to term.  I’m not doing this because I’m “addicted” to adoption.  I’m not doing this to feel better about myself.  I’m not doing this to save another soul, though I do pray that is the outcome.  I’m not doing this so I look good in my church.  I’m not doing this so someone will write an article about me.  I’m not doing this for any other reason than these are my children and I would move heaven and heart to get them.  All I want to do is love them.  I want what is best for them and if you think what is best for them is staying in their home country and living in an orphanage, then I’d have to use the same response that Dan gave our daughter, Cassie, to use, “What the heck is wrong with you?”

Do you want to know the truth? The truth is that the life of an orphan sucks!   It’s not all warm and fuzzy.  Here’s the truth for our Min.  She will be on the street, in a very poor part of the country, without her wheelchair, with no education, no ADA, no disability payments, and NO WHERE to go.  So will she be worried about one on one time or no dance or all the other fun things she might miss out on?  Nope!  I’m pretty sure I can guarantee you that she won’t be.  I don’t gamble but I’d bet money on that one.  She IS my child.  I’m not going to apologize for loving her and caring about her.  Or Let’s talk about my Ben, Eli or Evie?  You think it would be better for them to die alone in an orphanage?  Do you think they really care about soccer or how much one on one time they will get?  They will die ALONE in an orphanage. It’s not a maybe, it’s a for sure.  They have non-fixable heart defects.  No one will be holding their hand. No one will comfort them.  No one will be crying any tears.  No one!  How could that, in any way, sound better than having the love of a family?

Does it suck that many in China aren’t able to care for their children.  You’re darn right it does.  Does it suck that families feel they have no other choice but to abandon their child in hopes that they get care?  YES!  I hate it.  I wish I could fix it, but I can’t. We are talking about 100’s of years of superstitions.  They believe a child who has a birth defect is a curse to the family.  There are many, many things in their culture that make caring for a child who is ill an issue – money, family beliefs, one child policy, needing a male in the family, etc.   I can’t change China’s policies, but I can help Min.  Maybe someday I will be able to let her family know that she has been taken care of and is loved beyond measure.  I mean they cared for her for almost eight years.  I believe that they loved her and did what they thought was best.  And for that reason, I pray every day for peace for my children’s birth mothers.  I can’t even imagine what that must be like.  I can’t imagine the pain they must be feeling.

In the meantime, I know that there are many who will disagree with what we are doing.  That is a hard thing to take.  Because how can loving a child be viewed as wrong?  How can trying to make a child’s life better be viewed as wrong?  That is the hard part about being a Christian and living in this world.  You follow God’s lead and do what you believe is the right thing to do and people will still criticize you.  Which is why you always need to keep your eyes on the Lord.  You’d think at this point I’d be okay with this.  People are going to question things.    I should know by now that you can’t please everyone, not everyone is going to agree with you, and not everyone is going to support you.  It just hurts, not because I want them to think more of me, but because I want them to understand how many hurting children there are all around the world.  That is why I started this blog, to show how beautiful adoption is.  I wanted to show how by setting out to bless a child, you end up being the one who is blessed beyond measure.  Children deserve a family and love.  I just want to make others understand that.  I guess that is it.  Think what you want about me but open your eyes to the plight of the orphan in the world.   Do what you can to help another child.  Spread the word.  Satan would love nothing more than for all of us to forget the orphan.  But James 1:27 tells us differently…..this is true religion.

Adoption Update & O.C.C.

Date: 2013.04.13 | Category: Adoption, Family Life | Response: 0

ADOPTION UPDATE:

We have been given the tentative travel date of May 4th.  We have travel approval for all three girls.  The last bit of paperwork for Eli is his Article 5 and then we will have Travel Approval for him too.  Everyone has been exceedingly kind and expedited his paperwork.  He really needs to get here and get checked out and it looks as if God is going to allow that to happen.  We have been so blessed that everyone has been so open to looking out for his papers and proceeding as quickly as they can.  There are so many hoops to jump through with adoption and so many bureaucratic stops along the way.  It boggles my mind sometimes.  I was so surprised that we had to start from square one again considering it had only been a year since we started our last adoptions, but after hearing story after story on the STUCK tour, I am counting my blessings that it has gone as smoothly as it has.

STUCK trailer

I love God’s sense of humor with the travel date of May 4th.  I have always had a hard time from April 30th (Codey & Kyle’s birthday) until May 4th when Kyle died and a few days later for his funeral.   It isn’t like I’m severely depressed during that time, it just breaks my heart that things didn’t turn out the way I had dreamed.  Some years are better than others, but there are always many, many memories that come with those dates.  My water broke on the way to our second Lamaze class and I was life flighted down to Des Moines.  My whole life changed in that instant.  We never went home, moved to the Ronald McDonald House, and spent the next 14 months in the hospital with Codey.  When you are dreaming about your life and the joy of carrying twins, that is not the fairy tale ending you had hoped for.  We had to bury our son and we didn’t have the money to do that.  I’ve talked about all of this before so I won’t go into details.  I’m pretty sure you can clearly see my dislike for that first week in May, but now I am looking forward to it.  I actually want those days to arrive.  I want to go get my girls and my little boy.  I am so ready to be their mama.  God’s timing is perfect and I love that delays ended up to us being blessed with all four of them and leaving during that week.  As one of my Facebook friends said, “It will always be bitter/sweet from here on out.”

OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD

For those of you  who don’t know what O.C.C. is, here is their site.   Operation Christmas Child   Since 1993, 100 million shoe boxes have been delivered in 130 countries.  Isn’t that amazing?  Initially I got involved through our home school tumbling group, but I was really moved hearing a young girl give her testimony at a Women of Faith Conference.  She was talking about how she had never had a gift until she received her shoebox.  I was thinking about my kids and how they probably couldn’t even remember what they got on their last birthday.  It just really touched my heart.  Ever since that time, the kids and I spend our year looking for bargains.  We buy the toys in Targets $1.00 bin when they are 50% off.  I’m that person you will see with a cart full of stuff. We buy shirts that are $1 at Wal-mart.  We buy tablets, crayons, pencils, pens, pencil sharpeners and stickers after the back to school rush is over.   I love that my children always keep their eyes peeled for bargains to put in the boxes.

These past two weekends have found me packing shoe boxes.  (I have a feeling my life is going to get a little busy when we get home from China.)   Being the dears they are, Mom and Linda (my mother-in-law) came down to help me with this monumental task.  (Yes, I’m one of those lucky people whose mother-in-law is wonderful and her and my mom are actually friends.  I am blessed!)

Why would packing shoe boxes be a monumental task you ask?  Well, when I was sorting through old boxes in my storage room I found 100 plastic pencil boxes that mom had bought me a couple of years ago that I forgot about.  We always buy them on clearance after school starts,  I put them aside and we pack them for delivery around the middle of November.   Like I said I forgot about these, add those to the 77  pencil boxes mom already bought to do the shoe boxes that I usually do, and that’s a lot of boxes.  We have always done our shoe boxes in honor of Dan’s dad who passed away a few years ago.  Terry liked the number 7 for Biblical reasons.  First we started out doing 7 boxes in the 3 ages groups for boys and girls or 42 boxes.   Over the past couple years the kids thought it would be fun to do 77 boxes.  Oh boy!  During the last couple of months, we’ve bought crayons, pencils, pens, etc. and had the pencil boxes all ready.  Mom is a great bargain shopper and she bought a ton of stuff.  We set to packing and we have 150 done.  Isn’t that amazing? I thought it was a task to big to be completed and here we are almost done.   Only 27 more to go.  I gave my friends permission to buy those shoes they want so I can have the boxes.  I hope their husbands don’t mind.  🙂

If you have the opportunity to participate in this amazing endeavor, please do so.  I love how it takes my children’s eyes off themselves and puts them on others.   Ben was super sweet today.  He kept asking why we were doing it, I’d explain, and he would tell me how great it was to make other kids happy.  I love watching them give of themselves.

Happy Birthday Hopey!

Date: 2013.04.11 | Category: Hope | Response: 0

I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but most of our babies have birthday buddies.  🙂  It’s funny how that has worked out.  Codey & Kyle (4/30) were the original birthday buddies, then we have Dan (8/8) and Zach (8/5),  Gracie (3/23) and Evie (3/25),  Maisey (4/9) and Hopey (4/11),  Cassie (5/29) and Min (6/1),  Eli (1/17) and Gramp, gramps (1/20), and little Lainey (12/27) – We were talking about her not having a birthday buddy and Pastor said, “She has the best one yet, Jesus!”  🙂   Anyway…..

My sweet little Hopey turns 14 today.  How is that even possible?  It seems only yesterday that Dan was calling me to tell me how he fell in love with a baby in the NICU!  Hopey’s story was and is amazing.  I love how God brought her to us. I have said over and over again that there were so many things that had to line up for Hope to come into our lives.  It was truly a miracle.  I have written about her story many times so I won’t go into things I’ve covered before (you can read more here Hope’s story ), but I will say I love how Dan’s heart was so moved by a baby that was left alone in the NICU.

He fell head over heels for this sweet little girl!  I mean who wouldn’t, just look at that face.  We took a chance, trusted God’s plan and were blessed beyond measure!

She’s been through a lot.  Three open heart surgeries, numerous caths, a broken stent in her left pulmonary artery, but overall she has done wonderfully.

Hopey has a unique sense of style.  You never know what she will do to get a laugh.  She is full of fun and goofiness.

She loves dragons, video games, How to Train Your Dragon, Skylanders, Pokemon, and her “wall of epicness”.

She is very talented with her artwork and can make a computer do amazing things.

She loves her puppy and her new siblings.

I’m not sure what God has in store for her, but I know He has blessed us by allowing us to have her in our lives for these past 14 years.

And because my blog has become their journal (because who has time to type all of this twice), I would be remiss to not mention how teenage boys respond to my Hopey.  (Heaven help daddy. You can stop reading now honey.)  Hope is not allowed to date until she is 16, but it doesn’t stop boys from talking to her because we are officially past the cootey stage.  Every single time they start talking to her, someone asks her what she likes.  The look on these boys’ faces when this little, blonde girl mentions that she loves dragons and video games, is pretty funny.   Well, it’s funny because those same boys start out with “Oh you like Barbie and Littlest Pet Shop?” and she gets that disgusted look on her face and states the games that she loves to play.  I mean, seriously now, Zach is her brother.  She plays “real” games.   She is a wonderful combination of girly girlness and uniqueness.  I love that about her.

Happy birthday Hopey Girl (as Ben would say).  Wishing you all the best as you continue to grow in God’s word.  May He lead you and direct you.  I’m looking forward to all the years ahead as Daddy and I continue to be blessed with having you in our lives.   Love you sweetheart!