• I will keep my eyes on the Lord

    Date: 2013.02.26 | Category: Adoption | Tags:

    If I listen to the words of the world, then I become fearful.

    “How will you ever be able to go to church again?”  We home churched for years while Codey was sick and Dan was in medical school and residency.  Plus, now there are a million different ways to church – books, internet, cable, and the best Christian worship music readily available.   I think I’ve got it covered.  Keep my eyes on the Lord.   Matthew 18:20  For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

    “This is going to be so hard!”  First God’s book does not say “Come to this world and take it easy.”  He doesn’t hand you travel brochures, say see the world, put your feet up, and ignore what is going on around you.  It says, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5    Second, I’ve been through hard.  I’ve been through years of a child with a trach, on a ventilator, oxygen, pulse oximeter, apnea monitor, g-tube feedings, suction machines along with a toddler, living in a single wide trailer, in a new town, with no family close, no friends and no ability to get out of the house to make friends, husband in medical school, working nights on weekends, no money, no one-low-rate phone plans or cell phones so you can call home.  I’ve been through hard and hard was still a blessing.  I still had family and a husband who loved and supported me and was my best friend.  Life is NOT supposed to be one long vacation.  Life is not about what you can acquire.  That is not what God calls us to do.  If you are comfortable, really comfortable with your life, and nothing every pushes you out of that comfort zone, you have to ask yourself if you are doing enough.  Satan whispers, but I keep my eyes on the Lord.   Philippians 4:13  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. 

    “What if more than one child is in the hospital at the same time?”  We’ve been there before.  I’ll admit it wasn’t fun, but it’s doable.  Plus, I have more hands ready and willing to help now.  Keep my eyes on the Lord.  Psalm 55:22  Cast your burden upon the LORD, and He will sustain you;

    “What if you can’t bond or what if you mess up how good your life is now?”  Nothing great was ever accomplished without risk, but risking my “perfect” on a child who has no hope – is okay with me.  I’ve already bonded.   These are my children and I would go to the ends of the earth for them.  I will bring them home.  I will work day and night if that is what it takes, because they are worth it.  They are children of God.  Just as I am a child of God.  I deserve nothing more than they do.  They did not ask to be born and abandoned.  They did not ask to be brought into this world and left alone to fend for themselves.  They did not choose this life.  They are innocent victims of a cruel world, with too much evil in it.  I will keep my eyes on the Lord.  James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

    “What if…..What if…..What if……”    Well, what if everything I worry about doesn’t come to be?  Which is exactly what happened with the last adoption.  What if it turns out so much better than I could ever even imagined?  What if my children go from a future that is bleak to a future that is filled with hope and love?  What if they can die surrounded by a family that loves them?  What if they believe?  What if that belief saves them for all of eternity?

    So what if my life is more complicated?  So what if I can’t pack everyone up and just go shopping?  So what if it would take an army for us all to go to the grocery store?  So what?  My life being a little more complicated is worth watching my children be saved from a life of no hope and presenting them with a life full of hope and opportunity in which they find eternal hope.   My comfort zone for the soul of a child.  Sounds like a pretty good trade to me.

    I will keep my eyes on the Lord!