Archive for the ‘Thoughts to ponder’ Category
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Adoption Updates, Explanations, and Observations
Look at those sweet, sweet faces. (Top left) Evie (then clockwise) Lainey, Min and Eli. I can’t wait to hold them and take them home. We are all just so excited. Gracie sits and tells stories about what she is going to do with everyone all day long. She debates who she is going to hug first and who will sit beside her in the car. Who will like to swim and who will like to read. Ben lies in bed at night and talks about how much fun this is going to be. He tells me who will lie where and how he will hold their hands. I have a special song that I make up for each of my children when they are born. It is only their song and I sing it every night before they go to bed. It made perfect sense when there was a couple – now it goes on and on forever. Ben has been making me practice songs for each new child, so far he has not approved of any of my song choices. I’m running out of time. I’d better get working on it. I love that they are excited about adding to our family. It’s a wonderful thing for this mama’s heart.
ADOPTION UPDATE:
We are getting so close to the time to travel. The closer it gets the harder it is to wait. Yesterday we received Eli’s LOA (Letter of Acceptance) that we need to sign saying we officially want to adopt him. The next step is our immigration letter and then we will get our travel approval. We are one step closer in this adoption journey. We have been informed that we should travel the last week of April or the first week of May – if all goes as planned. Yay!
EXPLANATIONS:
It’s crazy all the steps and acronyms involved with adopting. You have your LID (Log in date for your dossier, all the paperwork saying you are fit to adopt. Financial statements, police records, doctors letters about your health, etc.). Then you send in a LOI (Letter of Intent) stating who the child is, why you want to adopt them and how you can provide for them. Then you get your PA (Preapproval letter), which just means that they approve of you adopting this child and the child’s file is locked in for you. Then you get your LOA (Letter of Acceptance) which states that you agree to accept this child. Then you get your I-800 which allows you to bring them into the country. And finally…you get your TA (Travel Approval). There’s more paperwork in the middle of all of this and afterward when you get to China, but you get the picture. Paperwork, waiting, fees paid, paperwork, waiting, a few more fees, more paperwork, more waiting but then that day gets here and you can barely stand it. Which is why the day you receive them at the Registration Office (or other meeting place) is such a highly emotional time. All that waiting is finally over.
OBSERVATIONS:
Everyone pretty much thinks we are crazy. Not that people don’t celebrate what we are doing or think it’s a good thing…..for us, but it’s not for them. I hear that over and over again. “Congratulations! I’m glad it’s you and not me, but congratulations!”
You only have to look closely at Ben and listen to his out of breath little body after he runs for only a moment, to understand that life is not guaranteed. Hope, who is almost 14, looked all grown up in her pretty yellow Easter dress, but the truth is evident in that long jagged scar that runs down her chest that she’s been through a lot. When you look at them it’s easy to just see the special needs – Maisey’s difficulty with hearing, Codey’s limitations both physical and mental, Ben’s blueness is hard to miss, Hope’s scar lies there for all to see and Gracie’s illness has left it’s mark. But maybe that isn’t what we should be looking at. Instead when you look at them, maybe the first thing you should see is the miracle of their lives. The miracle of love. The miracle of God’s hands working in all their lives. The beauty of all that they are, not what they aren’t.
I was born into a country that believes we should strive for the nice car, the perfect body, the nice house, the great job, the vacations, the pension, the retirement. Well, I can tell you I have most of those material things. I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that after all the struggles, the not having money, the doing without, that someday Dan would have a well-paying job, and then that is when life would really begin. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy along the way. I have always been grateful and felt blessed, but when there was more money, well, then the really good times would begin. I’d have a nice house. I’d drive a nice car. I’d be able to buy clothes that I wanted. I’d be able to do what I wanted. Well, guess what? I have those things and so what? Who cares? I wish I’d never bought the big house. I wish I’d never wasted money on stupid gadgets. I wish I could have a do over. I wonder why did it take so long for my eyes to open? Why? Why? Why? I’m like a two year old throwing a tantrum now but it’s at myself. I could have funded a surgery. I could have funded adoptions. I could have helped a child find a family. I could have fed more people. I could have dug more wells. I could have…. I could have… I could have!
So why you spend time thinking I’ve lost my mind. Admit it! You’ve thought it. You think four at once? What are they thinking? Well, here is what I am thinking. My time for adopting is running out. God has brought me to these four children and even though I am afraid, I will do what He asks of me. I know that these are my children. I may not be a lot of things, but I am really good at loving children. I can bring these children here and they will know love. I know that without a doubt. They may never go to college. They may die well before it should be anyone’s time but they will know love. They will know laughter and love and happiness. They will understand God’s love for them because they will have a father who shows them unconditional love. They will know that they were not a mistake. They will know love in abundance. They will have their hand held. They will have a lap to sit on. They will have a daddy to read them bed time stories and a mommy that sings them their special songs when she tucks them in. They will know if they wake up afraid that we will be there to comfort them. These are the things that we take for granted. These are the things that millions of children will never, ever know. Simple, simple things that every child should know. How dare we as Christ’s hands and feet deny that to anyone?
I talk about these things over and over again because I want you to wake up to the need. I want you to get it way before I finally did. Don’t let time pass you by. Don’t wait for later to help. Do something today. Spread the wealth. Become God’s hands and feet. Do something that really, truly matters. Feed a child, help a family out, open your mind to the possibility of adopting. Who knows where God will lead you.
Do you know how Dan and I know that this is right? We know it to our very core because we have such peace about it. We aren’t freaking out wondering how it will work. We know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God brought us to these children and He will provide for all of our needs. God has this covered. What a wonderful thing to get to be a part of. It doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that lies ahead or that we’re not afraid, but I’m telling you that there is peace about this whole adoption that is truly amazing. Even though we know that we have every right to be stressed, we have watched God provide over and over again this past year so it is easy to trust in His plan. I’ve gotten to be part of some amazing, miraculous things this year. What a beautiful gift that I am so undeserving of. Blessed, simply blessed is the way that I feel.
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How to Forgive (when you have every right to hate)
(WARNING: This blog is not about adoption, or fun with kids, or my love for my family. If you are looking for a fun-filled blog post, you might just want to skip this one. If however, you are looking for a blog about God’s infinite grace and forgiveness, this is the blog for you. The first couple paragraphs talk about what happened to me in my childhood, but the rest talks about how I found peace.)
If you just want to read this to see what horrible thing happened and see what sins I have committed, please just skip this now. Judging is a sin and I’d hate to cause you to sin more. If you truly want to know how I went through the worst time of my life and found a way to forgive, then please read the whole blog. I know it is long. I know it could be broken down into a couple of blogs, but the fact that I would rather throw up than drag this out any longer makes that impossible. It’s sort of like pulling off the band-aid quickly.
I have debated writing about the worst time of my life for quite some time. I have had dreams where I wake up with the words “finish it” replaying over and over in my head. It is so ironic that I can be obedient in following God’s lead when He asks me to go get a very ill child in China, but ask me to say this to the world and I drag my feet. I have been dragging my feet for quite a while now. A couple of weeks ago, I read this post from Women of Faith and it got me to thinking about how many hurting people there are out there.
The last couple of nights I have been awakened by the same dream. The dream that tells me to finish this. It makes me so angry. I don’t want to finish it. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to put these words on paper for the world to see. I’ve put it all behind me, but for some reason I feel as if to be completely done I need to finish this. So here it is….
I’ve talked about this subject with a few people. I’ve tried to share it when I felt it might help someone else, but it will never be a thing that I can just state and not have it grip my heart and make me sick to my stomach. I still have moments when I’d like to pretend it never happened. The truth is I have tried my hardest to forget those moments in my life and for the most part God has graciously granted my request. But the fact that it still has even a tiny hold on me, ticks me off, to say the least. So I have chosen in this, my 48th year of life, to just put those words out there – to release the hold that these words have had on me. Because the reality is people will judge you, people will think what they want, and in the end I can only do what I feel is right because everything in my life is between God and I, only He knows my true intentions. So I share these words, and if by doing so, I help even one person, it will be worth what it took to write this (Or at least that is what I am telling myself right now as the tears fall down my face.).
It took me years to admit what happened. I felt dirty, like it was somehow my fault. If I hear those words with anyone else, I don’t blame the victim. So how is that even possible that I would feel like I should be to blame? I was a child of 11. It wasn’t until my daughter hit the age of 11, that I truly grasped what it meant to be a child of 11. I may have looked like a grown-up, but I was a child, an easily manipulated, trusting, looking-for-love child. A child robbed of my youth and my innocence. To put it in words, is still, after 37 years, a horrible thing, it still brings me a smidge of shame, even though I know I’m not to blame. Molestation is an ugly, ugly, UGLY word. There are times when these things are done by strangers. There are times when these are random acts of violence. In my case, it was a trusted friend, a 29-year-old who had the trust of my family. That plays with a little kid’s mind in ways that are hard to even imagine. Add to that, threats of violence against your family; and great, grandiose gestures of love from a sick adult; and an 11 year old becomes one very confused, hurting child.
I’ve not had counseling because it was felt that it would be better if everyone just put it behind us. If you don’t talk about it, it’s like it never happened – that too plays with a child’s mind. It wasn’t until 3 years after the horrible summer, when he came back and started dating my mother secretly, that everything came to light. I hid most things for 3 years. 3 years of shame. 3 years of pain and anguish. 3 years of hoping that someone could see how much I was hurting. But 3 years had changed a lot, at 14 I was much braver, much smarter, and ready to fight. But I didn’t fight, instead….I ran away. I didn’t run far, just to my dad’s house about 15 miles away. My mom and dad had divorced when I was 10 and my dad lived with my stepmom in another town. This act of finally admitting what happened started World War 3 between my parents. Everything I had feared had started. People were angry and it felt like they were angry at me.
I write about this not to talk about “him” so much, but to talk about what it took for me to heal. First and foremost, it took lots of love from Dan, lots of forgiveness from myself, and finally accepting God’s grace. I made Dan prove his love over and over again in the early years of our marriage. I had trouble feeling like I deserved love, especially such over-whelming wonderful love, from him. One day, Dan finally looked at me and said, “You can continually make me prove my love or you can trust me to love you like I said I would. You can spend each and every day in pain assuming that I will leave you or you can be happy each and every day with me. Then, if I ever am stupid enough to leave you, the best thing that ever happened to me , you can be angry with me at that time, but don’t waste our lives by assuming it will one day happen.” He’s a very smart man. He was right. I needed to learn how to trust, forgive, and let go.
It’s hard when the father figures or male figures in your life are distant. I didn’t really have a male figure that said “I love you” or showed love. My brothers liked to tease me about being ugly and fat as brothers do. My dad was gone at the age of 10 and very distant at the beginning. My dad is a much different man now and is always there for my kids and me. My grandfathers were standoffish and seemed somewhat cold and distant. Men who were born 90 years ago, well, that was a different time. They weren’t bad men, they just weren’t the overly affectionate type of guys. I understood a God of discipline and punishment because I had heard that over and over again, but I had a hard time with the concept of God being a loving father. Dan taught me about God’s grace. How I grew up in church all those years and never, ever, understood God’s grace is beyond me. Dan taught me about God’s forgiveness for our sins. Dan taught me about turning it all over to God. All those things led to my healing. When I truly accepted God’s forgiveness, I was able to forgive myself.
Another thing that Dan taught me was God is good and perfect, but man is evil. It’s hard when you believe that God is in control of everything and something bad happens to you. People blame God when bad things happen. You are left to question why God would allow something to happen to you. The truth of the matter is God gave man free will. Man is evil not God. Could God stop it? Yes. But if God intervened in everything we would live in a perfect world and we would all be robots. God gave us free will. Bad things happen because of man not because of God.
The second thing that helped me heal was realizing that this man was supposedly a believer. It was a smack up along side my head when I realized that Christ paid for his sins just like Christ paid for mine. We like to believe that there are really, really bad sins and then the nice little sins that we do that don’t really amount to anything. Ha! Sin is sin. Yes, some of them are overwhelmingly evil, but sin, in the end, is still sin. Gluttony, sloth, pride, envy, lust, anger, and greed are called the 7 deadly sins for a reason. We don’t get to pretend that we are somehow better than others. In the end, the only thing that saves us is God’s grace.
At the Women of Faith Conference I was at, an artist drew it as a chasm. God is on one side and you are on the other.
We think our goodness takes us part way to God and God brings us the rest of the way. The truth is there is nothing we can do to reach God. We are all sinners. Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God… We can not do good things to make up for our sin. Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God… We can only confess our sin and move on. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we continually feel guilty about the same sin, it is as if we are saying “I don’t believe what you have said, God.”. It became an either I believed His word or I didn’t. If I trust that Christ died on the cross for my sins, how could I not trust Him for His forgiveness? 1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree… I don’t understand why it happened to me, but I could believe that God could use it for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
The third thing that helped me heal, was allowing God to punish him. I could be bitter and angry, but that wasn’t doing anything to him. He didn’t know the pain I was in. To be honest, my only regret is that he may have done it to others. It was three years before everything came out. I wish I would have been strong enough to prosecute him. The truth of the matter is 37 years ago it wasn’t like it is now. It was your word against his and people just didn’t do that. Things were swept under the rug and no one was encouraging me to do anything but forget. Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
And the final thing that helped me heal was a big one, I started to pray for “him”. Yes, him. Matthew 5:44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. You can’t hate when you are praying for someone. At the beginning, my prayers were still hate-filled, but it is amazing what happens to your heart as you pray for someone who has hurt you. Now when something reminds me of that horrible time, because there are triggers that still pop up from time to time, I pray. The first thing I do is pray. I pray that he hasn’t hurt anyone else. I pray that he has found healing. I pray that God has opened his eyes to what he has done. I pray that and many, many more things but my prayers always bring me peace. My prayers for him led to forgiveness, of both him and I, and it led to the end of my bitterness so that I could live a happier live.
I recently read a book called “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers. This is a quote from the end of her book. “There are many who struggle to survive in life, many who have been used and abused in the name of love, many who have been sacrificed on the altars of pleasure and “freedom”. But the freedom the world offers is, in reality, false. Too many have awakened one day to discover they are in bondage, and they have no idea how to escape. It is for people such as these that I wrote Redeeming Love – people who fight, as I did, to be their own gods, only to find in the end that they are lost, desperate, and terribly alone. I want to bring the truth to those trapped in lies and darkness, to tell them that God is there, He is real, and He loves them – no matter what.”
Part of the guilt I felt was for the few years when I acted out. I did things and said things that I am not proud of. I have forgiven myself for those things, but the truth is we can never know all the people who we hurt along the way. I have prayed that God would let those people find peace, as I have. I write these things not to get sympathy. I write them to let you know there is a way to climb out of the darkness and the self-induced misery that we are in. Bad things happen, but God can heal. Let Him heal you. Feel His grace and forgiveness and start living your life for Him. It is a life of purpose and meaning and it is just waiting for you to let go of the trappings of this world and become who He made you to be.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
My prayer for you is that you can forgive. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. I pray that you can find your meaning and your purpose. Allow God to truly lead you and the blessings and peace that will overcome your heart will be amazing. Bitterness and anger only hurt you and those around you. You aren’t punishing the person who hurt you. In the end, you are punishing yourself. Accept that your sins are forgiven and forgive yourself first and foremost. May God grant you peace that goes beyond understanding. You are worthy of His love because He is love. We are saved by His grace. There is nothing we can do to look better in His eyes so let it go and allow God’s love to hold you close. You are forgiven. You are loved. You are precious in His sight. Right now. Right at this moment. You don’t have to fix your life to come to God. You don’t have to be better. You just have to trust in His forgiveness and move on, following His lead. What are you waiting for? Today is a beautiful day to learn to love yourself and allow God’s love to surround you. I will continue to pray for you and your peace and for forgiveness to become part of your language. I will pray for your strength to move on and to forgive. May God’s love surround you today and every day.
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Obedience, Sainthood and Eternity
My devotional this week said, “Surrendered people obey God’s Word, even when it doesn’t make sense.”. “Give yourselves to God … surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes.” (Romans 6:13b TEV)
Obedience means obeying even when you are afraid.
Obedience means following God’s lead even when you can’t see the path in front of you.
Obedience means not debating, questioning, reasoning with, or making excuses for why you can’t do something.
It takes a lot of faith to proceed even when it doesn’t make sense. It took me years to get to this point. Years to truly listen to the word of God, but when you see God’s miracles in your life over and over again. When you see how perfect His plan is, you start to let go of what you thought was right for your life and trust in His plan for your life.
There is nothing amazing about us and being able to do what we are doing. It has become somewhat of a joke to us because the number one thing that people say to us is “You are saints.” First off, I will say if you are a Christian, you too are a saint. In the Bible, believers were referred to as saints on many different occasions. So in reality, I am a saint, but not for the reasons you would say. I am a saint because Christ died for my sins and by believing in Him I become a member of God’s adopted family – a person holy for that reason only. I am a person who fails and sins and is so much less than on most days.
Our proceeding with these adoptions is because of obedience only. It is because we have seen the hand of God on so many different occasions that we choose to listen and proceed when He lays something on our hearts. I have often said, “But I can’t. Lord, this doesn’t make sense. How in the world are we going to do that?” But God’s calling is right there. Your heart is heavy with what you know to be the truth. You just know it’s the right thing to do even if it doesn’t make sense. Then things start to line up, things that others said could never happen – happen, and God says once again, “Listen my child. I will provide a way. I will bring you through whatever I bring you to. This is my plan. Trust in me.”
People say things to us like, “What about your retirement? Don’t you want to travel? Won’t you be tired? How in the world are you going to do this? You’ll never be able to….” Believe me I get it. I have said some of those things to myself. Five kids under four at my age seems a little daunting at times. But then I think about their lives. Am I willing to trade a trip to Hawaii for giving Min or Lainey or Evie or Eli a home? Am I willing to let Ben or Evie or Eli die, alone, in a cold orphanage? Am I willing to not listen to the calling of God? Am I willing to say to Min “Child, a life on the street is okay for you? Prostitution? Early death? No love of a family? Well, that’s okay cause I’m going to Hawaii.” I am NOT willing to make those trades. I am willing to trade my sleep for bringing them the love of family. I am willing to trade new clothes, a fancy car, and any imaginable vacation out there to let them know God’s love and what being adopted into God’s family means.
I have been sitting on this post for a while now. No one wants to listen to me preach again about adoption or at least that was what I was thinking but then I saw this video posted on Facebook and I understood. I needed a better illustration of what I was trying to say. I spent my life, in the 40 plus years before we even saw an orphanage, living for this one small moment in my life….retirement. The magical illusion of when everything will be great. Your children are grown. It’s just you and your husband traveling the world. Living happily ever after, but if you believe Christ died for you, then your life on earth is but a small portion of eternity.
We did not proceed with our adoptions because of some great reward. If we weren’t doing it for love, then it would be worthless. We would be doing it for all the wrong reasons and then it would be like straw or stubble to God. God knows what is in your heart. God knows what you are giving and why. You can’t earn God’s love. You can’t buy your way into heaven.
James 4:17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
But there are so many verses telling you to care for the orphan and the widow, the poor and the needy, to take care of those that need your help. If you can help, and you choose not to then it is not just wrong, it is sin. It goes against everything the Bible is commanding. EVERYTHING! Don’t fool yourself into thinking what the world is saying is the right way. You will not be happy because you took a trip. You will not be happy because you saved all this money so you could retire and golf or knit or sew or see the world. That is not what your life should be about. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong to travel or golf, but your life should include following God’s lead and opening your eyes to the hurt in the world. Too many children are slaves. Too many children are being sold in the sex trafficking market. Too many children are dying alone in a cold, lonely orphanage. Too many children spend their lives never knowing the love of a family. Too many children are going to bed hungry or drinking dirty water. Don’t kid yourself that it’s ok and someone else will save them. These kids are waiting for you to show them the love of God. Ask God and He will show you a need. Ask God to use you for His plan. Ask God to make your life count. Don’t just exist. Don’t just follow the world’s lead. Stand out! Do something! Be the hands and feet of Christ. It is possible – one need at a time, one person at a time, one life at a time.
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What I meant to say….
She says it so well that I will just send you to her blog. 🙂
It is exactly how I have been feeling lately as written in my Priorities and my Joy vs Happiness blogs. I don’t want my life to be about me anymore. It is hard. Very, very hard. I question everything anymore. How often is too often to eat out. How much money is okay to spend on yourself. Does that mean you should always do without? Every time I order pizza for our large family, I think about how that could have been another child sponsored. It’s hard to know what is enough. It’s hard to know how much you should give up. The American lifestyle says it’s all about self. It’s about bigger and better and more. It’s all about me, me, me. But the Christian life does not say that. It’s all about having a servant’s attitude.
Philippians 2:3-5 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
It’s all about giving more. In the disciples time, everyone took care of each other. It was never government run support it was Christian Christ-like giving. Why have we not been taught that in our churches? Could you imagine what could be accomplished if this was done today?
Acts 4:32-35 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.
I’ve spent way too long thinking about me. My life has been about getting through medical school, then residency, then fellowship. It was all about surviving until we could have the American dream. Then we bought the nice house. We bought the nice car. But it didn’t change anything. I wasn’t any happier than I was when I lived in my single wide trailer wondering if we could pay our bills. Even then I was content. I’ve always felt blessed. I’ve always been grateful for all that God has giving me. I don’t know why I thought life would be so much better with things. I had everything before I had “things”. It became about more than me. It became about putting God first. So for all of you who think I’ve lost my mind with adopting this many children in just a couple of years, I say “I haven’t lost my mind. I’ve finally figured out what it is all about.” It’s not about me! It is NOT about me! It’s about them. It’s about following God’s lead even when I’m afraid. It’s all about those little ones lives. It’s about keeping my eyes on the Lord and asking Him to show me where there is a need. It’s saying “Send me Lord” and not waiting for someone else to “do something”!
That is my new motto “Do Something!”!!!!! In her blog Lori modifies the popular saying about wearing your body out. This is how I want to go……
“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out for the cause of Christ, poured out, completely emptied of “self” for His glory, and declaring — It was all for you, Jesus!”
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Joy vs Happiness
I have been asked many times how I can be so happy every morning. The truth is I don’t always wake up happy. Sometimes I want to hit the snooze button a couple more times. Sometimes I don’t want to get up, go out into the cold, and workout. Sometimes I don’t want to start my day with another load of laundry or empty the dishwasher or change another diaper.
But I do get up. I get dressed. I head out the door, climb in my car, and I pray. I look at the beautiful sunrise and am reminded again how lucky I am to get to live my life. During my drive, I thank God for all that I have been given. I thank God for the opportunity to raise my children. I thank God for bringing them into my life. I thank God for my best friend and husband. I thank God for my home. I thank God that I have food in plenty. I thank God that I am able to get up, walk out the door and workout. I thank Him for the tests that He has set before me to further my walk with Him. I thank Him for one more day with my children. I thank Him for the opportunity He has given me to go get my children in a few months. I thank Him that I am able to do so many things. I ask Him to allow me to encourage others. I ask Him to give me the wisdom to say the right things and to help those He places in front of me. By the time I get to Farrell’s, I am feeling so blessed and so grateful that I am just happy to be there. I am happy to be able to live another day and I feel like rejoicing.
Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. Rejoice!
Here in an excerpt from the book Living With Purpose “Happiness depends on happenings. It comes from the root word hap, which means luck or circumstances. Joy is a choice. Joy is not dependent on circumstances.”
These words are the truth. If you strive your whole life to be happy, you will never get there or there will be moments of happiness, but it will be fleeting. Joy is a choice. It is the choice to be grateful. It is the choice to look at how blessed you truly are. It is the choice to really appreciate how much you have been given and how lucky you are to be alive in this country and at this time in history. It is truly a choice!
You have the choice, even during difficult times, to be joyful. You have the choice to look at what is happening as a test. A test that will strengthen you. A test that will further develop your walk with Christ. A test that will bring you where you need to be on the walk with God. A test, not to bring your harm, but to build perseverance. You can be joyful even in times of trouble. You can trust the Lord. You can turn it all over.
On one of the blogs that I follow about a little girl waiting for a heart transplant, the mom was talking about how there can be pain and joy at the same time. It’s a hard to wrap your head around that fact, but it is the truth. Your circumstances shouldn’t change the fact that you always have hope and that hope should bring you joy. Learning to be content and joy-filled is a journey.
Romans 5:3 We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance.
James 1:4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
All it takes is a little perspective. All it takes is a quick look at the nightly news to see how wonderful you truly have it. If you believe in God, then you always have hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. You have hope for the new day. You have hope for a life after death. You have hope each and every day that tomorrow will be a new day and you can start anew.
Lamentations 3:23 “Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day.”
Your tests will never end. There will be big tests and there will be small tests. I once heard a pastor describe tests as elephants and mosquitoes. It’s easy when the test is huge to turn to the Lord. It’s easier then because you feel so overwhelmed you have no choice but to turn to the Lord. It’s when the swarm of mosquitoes goes after you and you are constantly being hit by one more little thing, that it’s easy to grumble and complain. The car gets a flat tire, the sink starts to leak, and your child gets in trouble at school. Small, little episodes that turn your attitude to one of complaining. If you take the time to be grateful for all you do have, you will see that those little things aren’t really such a big deal. If you compare it to a child dying, or your house burning down, or a car getting totaled and your child ending up in surgery or paralyzed, you realize that it isn’t a big deal. You probably won’t even remember it in a few months. The trouble is keeping our eyes where they need to be.
A good lesson is the 10 rule. It reminds us that things happen and you can think “Will I remember it in 10 minutes, 10 months, or even 10 years?” Most things will not be remembered in 10 months or 10 years. I can’t remember the bills that I couldn’t pay 10 years ago. I couldn’t tell you what I was hoping to buy that I couldn’t buy. I can’t tell you what I got 10 years ago for Christmas. I couldn’t tell you what house repair needed to be done. Most things will not be remembered in 10 months let alone 10 years so don’t let it rob you of even 10 minutes of your joy.
Choose to be grateful. Practice waking up every day and list 5 or more things that you are grateful for. You will be surprised at how long your list truly is. As you do this, you will see how hard it is to remember the bad stuff when you are busy being grateful. If you need a reminder of just how good you have it, here it is:
- If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep … you are richer than 75% of this world.
- If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace … you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.
You truly have many, many reasons to be grateful. You truly are blessed.
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Following God’s Lead
I have had some interesting conversations lately about how we came to know that we were to adopt again. I knew from the moment we left China that God was not done with me. I knew we were to adopt again. Dan wanted to see how everything worked when we got home first, but he has always wanted to adopt more. When people ask me how I knew, I say I am following God’s leading. I have said that I am listening to God. I have said many things, but judging from the looks on other people’s faces, I am not describing it properly. If you say you are listening to God, which in most people’s minds means that I am hearing God’s voice, they think you have lost it. I’m not literally hearing God’s voice but He is definitely making His desires known.
I have to admit I’m getting kind of tired of those “Well, isn’t she sweet, but she’s gone just a little looney.” looks. Even my grandma told me that I was paying too much attention to my emotions, and that was what was leading me. That one made me laugh – my emotions make me want to run away from the hurt and the work I know is coming. It doesn’t make me want to run towards it. I know this isn’t going to be easy. I know if you look at it rationally with all your pros and cons, it doesn’t make sense. I know that on paper it looks like a very bad idea. Where is the sense in adopting a wheel-chair bound, 13 year old who has had very little schooling and knows no English; on top of that bring her home with a 1 year old with PKU with unknown brain injury from the disease; and while you are at it add a 1 year old with a single ventricle who will need surgery right away; and then to top it all off be praying that you are allowed to either, add to this trip or go back, and get the 1 year old with pulmonary atresia. I know what that looks like on paper. You can’t possibly think I haven’t given it every consideration. I have a husband that is trained in everything that can go wrong. We have discussed this in depth, over and over again. I know all of this and yet I know it is right. My heart can be fearful, but still I know when I look at those children’s faces that they are OUR children. I know it to my core. I can’t explain it accurately. I just know it. I know I would do anything for them, including lose my heart and have it hurt in ways no parent should ever have to.
I asked Dan how he explains it. He is a wonderful teacher and he usually has some way to explain it. He said that he tells people that when you look at everything with Ben it didn’t make sense. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to proceed with an adoption when you aren’t even sure that the child will live long enough for you to get him, but that Dan knew to his core that this was what he was supposed to do. He isn’t able to explain it. He just knew it was the right thing to do.
When we first asked the agency for Ben’s information, they told me another family was trying to decide, I panicked for just a moment because I knew in my heart he was mine. I knew it to my core. I remember praying “God you have this all in your hands. You know the plans you have for me. I trust you and I believe that he is supposed to be ours so I will try my best to trust and stay calm and believe.” God gave me a peace that went beyond any understanding. I trusted that if it was meant to be – it would be.
After they sent the paperwork, I was so afraid that Dan would say that his heart wasn’t fixable and it would be just too much for our family. I remember it so well. I would have fought for Ben. I obviously didn’t have to fight because it was what God wanted us to do. I came home from shopping to find Dan sitting there holding Ben’s papers with tears in his eyes. I knew he was going to tell me it wasn’t fixable even before he spoke. Dan just looked at me and said, “I can’t explain it, but I know he is ours and we have to go get our son.” (Have I mentioned how much I love this man?) 🙂
That is the other thing, when Dan and I have exactly the same feeling and we haven’t even been discussing a certain topic, I believe it to be truth. How could it not be true. It worked that way with Lauren (Min). We both saw her picture on our own computers in different rooms and were both moved to tears and ready to go against the rule that we had already made. The rule being that we would NOT adopt older children because it would be too hard on our family. I know I make God chuckle. I can just see Him saying, “Isn’t that sweet? She thinks she won’t be adopting an older child. If only she could see how hard she will be praying for that older child in just a few months.” You’d think I’d learn to never say never. I said “I’m never having more children after the twins.” But I got pregnant while taking birth control and Zachary was the best gift ever. God’s ways are always better.
With Elijah, I am almost afraid to hope. But being fearful doesn’t mean I don’t trust God or His plan. “Even when I am afraid, I keep on trusting you” (Psalm 56:3 CEV). I can be fearful because I am human and a very imperfect one at that. But I know Eli is supposed to be my little boy and Benjamin’s didi. Ben has an attachment to him that is so hard to explain. Ben stops and prays for Eli throughout the day. Ben has dreams about playing with his didi. Ben tells me stories about him and his didi. It’s sweet and it doesn’t make any sense. It has to be a God-thing so I’m going to embrace it, trust it, and watch as God’s wonderful plan unfolds.
The second comment that drives me crazy is when people say that “you’re a saint” or “I could never do that you must be really special”. It’s true, I do love children. I do have a heart for those hurting, but there is nothing overly special about me. What I am though is obedient. Obedient to God’s calling. Obedient to following His lead. Obedient even when I’m scared to death. It’s a wonderful place to be when you believe in God’s plan so much that you just want to follow it. If you too are feeling a tugging at your heart, listen! If you are being shown something over and over again, pay close attention, even if it doesn’t make sense. Whatever it is that He is showing you, be open to His leadings. Blessings abound when you follow His call. Blessings upon wonderful blessings. I can’t guarantee you won’t be hurt. I can’t guarantee you everything will turn out fine, but I can guarantee you a peace that exceeds all understanding even when trials lie before you. Listen. Trust. Follow. Be obedient!
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Today…
Today a family that I know will give birth to a sweet little girl. Today their world will change for the better and for the worst all at the same time. Today they will see what God has in store for them. A little girl will come into this world, not perfect by the world’s standards, but perfect in God’s eyes. Today my heart aches for what I know lies ahead for them. It may be worse than they think or it may miraculously be better than they were told. Either way it will be hard. The pain can be unbearable. It’s not fair! It’s not right! Babies should be born healthy and happy. Mothers should not cry tears of unhappiness – there should only be tears of joy.
The truth of the matter is they will one day look back at this moment and feel blessed. They will see how bad things can work for good. They will see all the way their lives have impacted others. It doesn’t help today when they are hurting. I know if I said this fact to them, they wouldn’t believe me. When you are in the moment, you are numb, you are hurting, you want it to be a really bad dream that you can wake up from. It changes everything and you can’t go back to who you were no matter what happens. Whether she lives an hour or 50 years, you can’t go back. You will be forever changed.
It is just the way it is and no matter how you rant at God – it won’t change. These are the cards you have been dealt and now you have two choices. You can see the beauty and the miracles in this life or you can forever be angry at God for doing this to you. The reality is that He didn’t do this to you. You aren’t being punished. John 9:1-3 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. But it is hard to see that at the beginning. I will admit that I was angry for a moment, but it didn’t last. I believe there are stages to your grief and you will spend as much time in each stage as you need. Don’t let others tell you that you’ve had enough time to mourn. Letting go of dreams is a process. The problem begins when/if you decide to take a detour into the self-pity/bitterness pit stop. That is a very dangerous place to be. You can get stuck there in that darkness. I’ve watched it happen to people. It’s hard to hear God’s voice of peace when you are busy screaming at Him. I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve had a child die and I’ve had a child live with medical problems.
I was so ready to be a mother. I felt so blessed to be having twins. I had a husband who adored me and two babies on the way. People shared my joy. Complete strangers congratulated me. It was a happy, happy time and then it was gone. My water broke. They lifeflighted me to Des Moines. It was scary. Unbelievably scary. I didn’t even have the words to pray. But even then I was in denial. They would be little, but they would be okay. We could do this. Life would still be perfect. I think your brain processes as much as your heart can handle at the time.
Kyle died at 5 days of age. Dan and I had quit our jobs. We had no home and now we had a son to bury. We were relieved that we had life insurance until we found out that to get the $10,000 coverage your child must live 7 days. Kyle died at 5 days of age. So now we had no job, no home, no money with which to bury our son. Because we couldn’t afford to have the funeral home come get him, we drove Kyle from Des Moines to Fort Dodge after his autopsy and hand delivered him. There was a big dose of closure and reality for you. I wanted to wake up. I wanted it to not be true. I wanted to put them back inside of me and be happy again. I was mad and hurt and screaming out that it just couldn’t be my life. I didn’t want it to be my life. I didn’t want to look at pictures of tiny, white caskets or decide which outfit he should wear. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted that little cottage with the white picket fence and my little, curly-haired, blonde boys in their little overalls chasing Dan in the backyard. I could picture it all and it was never going to be.
I share these things not because I think she won’t make it, but because I have been through both. I understand the pain from the loss of dreams, the unbelievable heart-wrenching pain of losing a child, and just what it will take to make the best of a bad situation. I understand how hard it is to trust God’s plan when it doesn’t make sense. I understand the question “why me?”. I can still picture that dream I had of my boys before they were born. Now I can smile, but for a long time seeing twin boys still brought me to my knees. Letting go and trusting God and His plan isn’t always easy; but God is perfect, His plan is perfect, and His timing is perfect. Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
It has been 25 years since Kyle died. 25 years years of some very hard years for Codey and our family. I’m not sure what I would have done standing there at the end of the aisle with Dan, if they had said here is what you are signing up for. I want to believe that my faith was strong enough and my love for Dan was big enough that I would have still said I do, but who knows. It’s easy to say that I would have done that now, but I am a whole different person now. I have a stronger faith. I have a deeper love for my husband. I believe every life matters. I see things not as much from the world’s viewpoint any more. I try so hard to see it from eternity’s viewpoint. I’m not sure at the age of 22 I even understood what that meant.
Today I am happy. Today I see a few of those threads in the tapestry of my life and how it has affected others. I see my husband and his love for babies and his drive for making their lives better. I know where it comes from. I know that Codey and Kyle’s lives had purpose. I know that their lives mattered. I know that there lives have touched so many others. I know that I am a much better person because of them.
But today for one family it is just starting. The pain is going to be very, very real soon. I ask that you lift them up in prayer today. I pray that God will give them the peace and the strength they need in the coming hours. Whether she lives a short life or a long life – her life has purpose. Her life has weight. She will make her mark on many, many hearts. I know this because she has touched mine. Many, many people have heard her story and are praying for her. God bless you sweet, little girl and welcome to your new life and a family that loves you so much!
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Why I talk about orphans
You might wonder why I talk the way I do about orphans? I have to admit it wasn’t even on my radar a few years ago. I had no idea the vastness of it all. 147 million orphans? How is that even possible? I had no idea the conditions orphans were living in. I had no idea how many children were hurting and alone. I figure if I had no idea then others probably haven’t heard the numbers either. I believe when others hear the stories they will be moved to do something too. There are so many ways to help even if you haven’t been called to personally adopt.
Now that Dan and I know about the House of Hope, Show Hope, CCAI, and Love Without Boundaries, we want to share what they are doing. These are organizations that we have dealt with personally and we want to get the word out there to others who may want to help too. There are many different organizations that no one even hears about. Take LWB for instance, they have 11,000 likes on their Facebook page. That is a respectable number but why does something like Skylanders (A video game that my daughter loves – that is why I chose it.) have 347,000 likes? Because the word is out there. Because people are talking. Which brings me back to what I am saying, I believe more people need to talk about this crisis, Christians especially. We need to open people’s eyes to the plight of orphaned children here in this country and around the world. James 1:27
We need to spread the word. I’m blessed to be able to be part of a story like my Maisey’s. She weighed 6 pounds at 6 months and the Hills took her in and saved her. Maisey is a fighter and a blessing. I am amazed and so thankful for the work the Hills are doing. They are bringing comfort to those children who would otherwise have died, alone and afraid. They are saving those children that they can. You can read more in the book the House of Hope. Maisey is their 1,000th baby, Chaya. You will be moved by the Hill’s story and your eyes will be opened.
LWB is taking children into their healing homes and helping them get their cleft lips fixed and their little hearts fixed in hopes that they will someday find their forever family. But just in case they don’t find their forever families, LWB is getting these children into foster homes. LWB is providing schooling. We take a lot for granted in this country. We just assume it is the same every where else. It isn’t! In some of these countries unless you have the money you don’t get medical care and education is a privilege not a right.
CCAI, the adoption agency we used, is amazing. They are the number one agency for Chinese adoptions. I can’t say enough good things about them. I just read Lily’s story in the book Bound by Love. It is heart wrenching and a history lesson in China all at the same time. You turn to the back of this book and see the names of all the children they have helped find forever families. They are over 10,000 children placed now.
Maisey is one of the reasons why I’m trying to spread the word. Because she was abandoned on a stairwell in a building. She was left because she was a less-than-perfect girl. Even in the orphanage she wasn’t worth the time it took to feed her properly. She was abandoned and alone, but the Hills saw her worth. They took the time to feed her and help her grow and because they did that I get to be greeted everyday by this little face.
Maisey is beautiful and animated and such a joy to have as a daughter. She is full of energy and adventure. I am blessed everyday to be greeted by her huge hugs and her joyous laughter all because someone else saw her worth. Why wouldn’t I want to share a story like that?
Please won’t you consider opening your heart to an orphan? Sponsor a child in foster care. Sponsor a child’s surgery or schooling. You can go to the links on the right hand side of the home page on my blog to learn more.
Help a family that you know who is adopting. It is a serious leap of faith to go into the unknown and it is so expensive. What if everyone in your church donated $10 towards a family in your church that you knew was adopting? What a difference we could all make just a few dollars at a time. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t pretend that you haven’t heard. Make a difference. Open your heart and change the world – one child at a time! I can guarantee you you will not regret helping a child in need.
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Perspective
I’ve been listening to people talk about perspective lately. The world seems to be just a little crazier with the shootings in Connecticut and Oregon. I hear them say that some of the things that they thought were important don’t really seem as important now. We have the choice to want perfection and everything in it’s place or allow grace to those people and things in our lives that may be a little less than perfect. I am blessed to have gone through what we’ve gone through with Codey and Kyle. Their live’s have taught me to be grateful for every day you are allowed to live; to not get caught up in the tiny things that go wrong; to forgive when necessary, to say I’m sorry when you need to; to help and encourage those that you can; and to truly be grateful for everything that you have .
Every day I wake up and have the choice to be filled with fear that today may be Ben’s last day. I can dwell on his little blue fingers. I can dwell on his raspy voice when he plays too hard. I can dwell on how little he is and how low his platelets are. I can think about how he could fall and cause a hemorrhage. If I dwell on any of those things though, I miss out on all the wonderful moments throughout the day. He is so funny and so sweet. He is compassionate and caring beyond his years. Every day with him is a blessing. I don’t want to lose even one minute worrying about things that I have no control over. Only God knows the number of his days. I will leave that in His hands and enjoy every moment that I am blessed to spend with sweet Ben. The truth is it is that way with most of my children. I could go on and on about them and the trials their health issues bring to our lives. The truth of the matter is that it has given me a whole new perspective on living.
On the other hand, I have a son and daughter who are both so bright. I watched them when they were little and dreamed all the worldly dreams for them. Good grades, good schools, good jobs, etc. It’s not that those things aren’t important, but a good foundation in Godly values is so much more important. Compassion, love for others, finding their purpose and purposely living their lives is what it is all about. The lessons our adoptions have taught them are priceless. It has given them true perspective on what is and isn’t important.
The truth is we spend our days worrying about trivial things. Truly they are trivial. I bet you in two years you won’t remember what car broke down or which appliance wasn’t as new as you’d wished. You won’t remember what you purchased for Christmas. You won’t remember what your child said when they talked back. You can be upset about some wrong that has happened and then you turn on the news and see that 20 children have lost their lives for no reason at all. You grab your child and hug them a little tighter. You wonder why you screamed about their bed not being made or the fact that they were moving so slow this morning. I’m not saying that it isn’t important for our children to have rules and be disciplined. I’m just saying that it is a good reminder that some things aren’t as big as we make them out to be.
For example, if you knew that your husband was going to have a heart attack next week, how would that change how you treated him? The truth is do you know that he won’t? Do you have a guarantee that you’ll have another week to make up with him, to treat him right, to let him know just how much he means to you? How about your daughter or son? Do you know for a fact that they will live to be 50, 60, or 70? What if they encounter a drunk driver? What if they are diagnosed with cancer? What if your healthy 6 year old suddenly becomes ill and is diagnosed with lupus? Believe me….there are no guarantees.
Why does it take some major life event for us to pay attention? God tells us over and over again in His book to love our neighbor, to forgive, to treat others as we want to be treated, to care for the orphan and the widow. Why do we ignore these commands like they are just suggestions if we have the time and energy to do it? These should be our life goals.
The truth of the matter is there are approximately 147 million orphans in the world. There are approximately 250,000 children waiting to be adopted in the U.S. Why are we not standing up as Christians and doing something about this? My sister-in-law wrote a status on her Facebook about the ASPCA and their ads. Her 5 year old daughter asked her if they could be part of their team. She was so moved by the conditions of the animals. Why aren’t there commercials about children? What if they showed you a horrible orphanage and you saw your child’s face? What would you do to go get them? What if God has a child picked out for you and you are just leaving them there? What if we Christians put our values in what is really important? What could we change? We should all live generously. We should all be giving not if we have a little left over, but we should be sharing our wealth. We are so blessed as a country. We have so much. How much more is enough for you? What will be enough for you to decide you can share? When will you decide you can afford to help? What will it take to change your perspective?
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What if….
In honor of Lainey Rae who turns 2 today, I’m going to be talking to those of you who may have God tugging at your heart right now. Happy birthday Lainey. I’m heartbroken that I can not spend today with you, but you will no longer be alone on your birthdays. Daddy and I are coming sweet girl! 🙂
I watched the Rascal Flatts holiday special the other evening and cried through every story that was told. I watched as children said all they want is a family. I watched a 17 year old who said he cried because he thought his chance at a family was gone, that he had never had a birthday party. How does that happen? He had been in other foster homes, 8 of them, I think he said. Birthdays are special; it’s the day of rejoicing over your birth. Birthdays should be times of remembrance. Other families should have known that. That just broke my heart because it’s such a simple thing to fix. I wish everything in life was that easy to fix.
As Dan and I have talked to more people and read more about orphanages and adoptions, we have heard more and more stories. Stories that will break your heart. Stories that will change your life forever. Some stories I wish I’d never heard. Pictures I wish I’d never seen. My heart can barely stand the thought of what too many children must endure. Children in pain. Children starving for much more than just food. Children alone and hurting wanting nothing more than to be loved by a family.
I hear people talk about adoption, but many have their “buts and what ifs”.
I would so love to, but
It cost so much money – what if I can’t raise enough?
What if it disrupts our family?
What if it is just too much?
What if I can’t love them like my biological children?
Well, I will counter with these “what if’s”…
What if you could save one child from starving to death?
What if you could change the world for one child?
What if you could be the whole world for one child?
What if you are the only thing between a child and a life of prostitution or living on the street?
What if you could be the face of God for one child?
What if when you stand before your king He shows you what you could have done?
Heaven is perfect and beautiful but that doesn’t mean we won’t know what we could have done better. Whose lives we hurt and whose lives we made better. I can’t imagine standing in front of God and having Him show me a life that I could have saved, if only I wasn’t afraid. I know there is so much I have done wrong but when I finally trusted Him so much became crystal clear. A life about me isn’t a life at all. A life about HIM is what it is about. I still fail. I still sin. I am still so imperfect; but I am not afraid to follow His lead. Okay, maybe I am fearful sometimes, but I am above all else obedient to His call.
I recently read Corrie Ten Boom’s book The Hiding Place. Children in orphanages aren’t much different than those in concentration camps. “How?” you might ask? Well, children who are considered “less than” are brought there. These children are starving, abandoned, and alone through no fault of their own. That’s not to say there aren’t caring people in some orphanages, but there are also places where children are just left to die. Places where children weigh 14 pounds at the age of 12. The holocaust was horrible because of Hitler’s evil, but it was much more horrible because of all the people who stood by and watched it happen; people who turned a blind eye because they didn’t want to become involved. Christians turning a blind eye is worse even than the evil that man can do because they know better. It is in black and white in God’s book. James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. Widows are hurting. Orphans are starving. People are thirsty for both water and God’s word. Children are alone and waiting for a family.
Again I ask…
What if you were no longer fearful?
What if your dreams were bigger than you thought?
What if you could change the world….one child at a time?
What if God is just waiting to bless your life?
What if somewhere out there is your child? The child God choose for you. What if she is cold and alone and fearful? What if your son cries alone at night because he is alone, afraid, hungry? This child is yours as surely as if he/she grew in your womb (or your wives). This isn’t an unknown face across the miles. This is YOUR child and you have chosen to turn a blind eye.
What if…..
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