Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category
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Happy Father’s Day
It’s Father’s Day today….just in case you didn’t know.
It’s the day when you are supposed to thank your husband for all he does for your children.
The challenge for me is how do you thank the man who has held you up during the hardest times in your life…
and has readily embraced all your crazy dreams.
How do you find the words that would adequately thank him for talking you into having another child because you have always dreamed of having a little girl?
How do you thank him for praying over and over again for your heart to be open to the idea of adoption.
Or thank him for caring about a little one when everyone else told him he was crazy?
Early in our marriage, Dan taught me about God’s grace.
He taught me to trust God’s plan for my life.
He taught me how to not worry and to be content.
He taught me how to love.
How do you thank someone for those things?
Dan adores his children.
He loves them with all his heart.
He is happiest when his children are content.
He likes to find unique ways to spend one on one time with each one of them.
He readily took on seven (soon to be nine) daughters…
just let that one sink in for a while….nine daughters.
He cares for the helpless, he opens his heart wide to their hurts.
He allowed his midlife crisis car to be a bus.
Thank you sweetheart for always standing by my side and holding my hand during the hard times and the good times.
As Francis Chan says – “Our greatest fear in life should not be of failure but of succeeding at things that really don’t matter.”
Thank you for understanding what really matters.
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A Public Proclamation!
Today being the day of birth of our very dear Mema! We wish to proclaim our love for her, for all to see, on this page.
I am one of the lucky ones, the blessed ones, the ones who get to call their mother-in-law their friend. Linda, her sister Kay, and my mom were friends. They became friends after Dan and I married. We did craft sales together and enjoyed our weekends together being silly. They would all get in the car and come down to shop with us. Red Lobster was a favorite birthday hangout. Cassie was almost ten before she realized not everyone’s mom and mother-in-law were friends.
Every year we attended the Women of Faith conferences together. It was a wonderful weekend full of laughter and love. We grew in our faith and our friendship.
Linda is sweet and compassionate and everything you want a grandmother, mother, and friend to be. She is there for my children and is always ready to take a phone call from them. These days that mainly consists of lots of hellos and love yous and a whole lot of words you just can’t understand from the littles.
In the past few years, Linda has cared for and buried her mother, her husband, her sister and her father. She even took my mom in after mom had her heart attack and couldn’t climb the stairs in her own home. Linda does this, not to get attention from anyone else, but because it is the right thing to do. She quietly goes about her business of caring for others.
Instead of sitting home and feeling sorry for herself after all those loses, she joined a church, became a part of that church’s group for outreach. She started a Bible study in her own home and invited the neighbor ladies. She now has a group of ladies that meet every Thursday to learn more about God and to support each other with friendship. She is proof that just because you are getting older doesn’t mean your life is over. If you are still alive, then God has a plan for you.
She has been a big supporter of our adoptions. She has readily embraced every child we have adopted. Once she admitted to me that she had wanted to care for orphans and now, through Dan and I, she gets too. She traveled with us to China on our last trip. We needed one adult for each child and she became Evie’s traveling buddy.
Happy birthday Mema! May God continue to bless you as you follow His lead. We love you and are so blessed you are in our lives. – Dan & Lisa
And now I’ll let the kids tell you how they feel about their Mema…..
Codey isn’t able to tell you so I will just let you know that Codey ADORES his mema. She can always make him smile. She sings his favorite songs and feeds him his favorite treats.
Happy birthday Mema! I’m so thankful to have you in my life. We’ve had so many different adventures while I was growing up, and I will always treasure them. I’m looking forward to seeing you continue some of those adventures with my own kids someday. I love you! Zachary
I have so many great memories with Mema! From the time I as little she would buy me a rose bush for my birthday. That took a lot of patience because I always managed to kill it, until my 14th birthday. 🙂 When I was younger, we would have sleepovers that always involved crocheting and movies and eating Dots. (she doesn’t like the green ones, but I do! We’re a good team.) She has always been there for me; from recitals to birthdays to pageants to Tae Kwon Do testing. She is always there to cheer me on! I love you Mema! Love, Cassie
And this is what the middles have to say….
And you know the littles adore you. They send kisses and hugs on your happy, happy day!
We are all very blessed to have you in our lives. Praying your day and your year are blessed.
Happy birthday Mema!
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Mother’s Day…
I’ve had quite a few bad Mother’s Days in my life. The first one was when we had the twins. We had the twins on April 30th, Kyle died May 4th and we buried him on the 7th. I could have cared less about the holiday that year. We’ve spent it in the hospital many, many times. But this year may be one of my hardest, because it is my first Mother’s Day without mom.
I wish my mother could see our family grow again. She never asked for much in life…just for us to be happy. She understood that happy meant content and she taught us that. She was my children’s biggest cheerleader. She was my biggest supporter. She encouraged and cheered and helped you along. She was a giver, and a cryer over wrongs and sweet stories, and she was a lover of God.
She is happy. I am thankful for that and the hope that we have for our future together. It makes me happy to think of her in heaven, but it still hurts that I can’t pick up that phone and hear her voice. We talked every single day. People sometimes looked at me like I was crazy when I would mention that fact, but she was not only my mother she was my friend. I want to be able to share my life with her. I want her to encourage me when I’m sad and celebrate with me when I am happy.
When others said we were crazy to adopt two, she said follow God’s lead. When others questioned us adopting four the very next year, she told me that I only had God to be accountable to. When others questioned what it would do to the rest of the children, she would tell others about how caring her grandchildren were precisely because we had adopted.
She stood by us and supported us while we were in the hospital. She never questioned us adopting children who would most likely have much shorter lives. She never questioned us making our lives busier. In fact, it was her that said housecleaning could always wait. She liked to tell me that if the only thing people could remember about me when I died was that I had a spotless house, then I was doing something wrong.
Mom’s are important. That is why my heart breaks for the children who still wait. Yes, adoption is hard. Yes, it costs a lot of money. Yes, there are things wrong with the system. But God calls us. Children need a mama to hold their hand and kiss their faces and bandage up booboos, the ones you can see and the ones that are hidden deep within their hearts.
We have received PA for two beautiful little souls that I know my mama would have loved.
So in honor of my mama, I want to encourage you to consider being a mama for a child in need. There are many, many ways to do it. There are hurting souls all over this world. God calls us to care for them and to not leave them alone. Please prayerfully consider what you are being called to do. There’s no better sound in the world than hearing your child say, “I love you.”
Happy Mother’s Day mama! I miss you and love you!
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Blessed Beyond Belief
I stood outside in the corner of our walking path and cried tears today.
Maybe it’s because the talk I gave this weekend brought so many memories to mind. Maybe it’s because I wish my mama could have been there and I miss her so much. Maybe it’s because we are waiting to hear from sweet Kelly. Maybe it’s because I keep seeing picture after picture on Facebook of children just wanting a family. Maybe it’s because the world is so unfair to so many children and I can do so little.
For whatever reason, the tears came but they didn’t diminish the wonderfulness of what my eyes saw. Happy children playing outside in our big backyard. I remember a couple of years ago when Dan and I were regretting buying the acreage, with all the upkeep and mowing. Regretting the remodeling we did on the house and having spent money that we would have never spent knowing what we know today. My brother, my son, and I (but mostly my brother) put in a 600 foot walking path in our middle acre. It wasn’t getting much use. We hadn’t done the tree and flower planting that we should have. We wondered if God was asking us to sell the house. But selling just didn’t seem right so we stayed and now we know why.
Now the yard is a giant play place where I get to see the little girl who ten short months ago sat on a floor in China raging, pulling out her hair, so unhappy, with us wondering if she could ever be happy and feel loved, run across the open ground with a look of pure joy on her face as the wind whips her hair.
I get to see the little girl who weighed six pounds at six months, thrive! The little girl presented to us as deaf and unworthy, blossom and grow and blow out of the sky any of the limitations I thought she might have. She is so much more than any of the descriptions on paper. She is a fighter and loves with all her heart. She is a beautiful spirit in a tiny, strong, little body. She is smart and pretty and helpful and such a little mama.
And how can I look at Jasmine and not think of where she would be? I watch her speed around the path, hair flowing in the wind, a huge smile on her face, enjoying every moment of freedom that her hot pink powered chair brings her. I want to say slow down and then I remember all the limitations others have placed on her, all the pain, the wounds and scars, and I cheer her on instead.
I look at little Miss Evie. The girl they told us only had a few months left. I’ve had ten months with this beautiful soul. Ten months of love and laughter. There have been tears, fear, and restless nights, but to watch her run and play, to be allowed to be a part of all that is the miracle of her…..I am completely and utterly blown away and so undeserving.
Which is why the tears flowed. Why am I so blessed? Why should I be allowed to call these children mine?
I get to spend time flying kites, getting hugs, and listening to their sweet laughter roll across the wind.
Jasmine is free and happy. Secure in the love of her family.
My older children are happy. We’ve had much to celebrate.
Photo courtesy of Wunderkind Gallery
Benjamin! Where do I even start with Benjamin? Before his surgery he couldn’t run around our sectional without being winded and now he is doing 5, 6, 7, or more laps around the path. You can hear his laughter and his little bell ringing around every corner. Every time he goes past me he yells, “This is so fun mama!” His little legs pedal faster and faster as he zips around the path trying to catch Jasmine and Gracie.
The joy on their faces is unmistakable. Maisey and Ben’s bond grows deeper and stronger with every day that passes.
Then there is the little guy. He is this tiny bundle of rambunctiousness that is just so much FUN! I don’t know what we will find out in May but he is so worth it all. I can’t even explain what it is to watch him run and play. He is the perfect little bundle of boy and my heart overflows with love for him.
Little Lainey secure enough to fall asleep in the sun.
Little Evie running to my arms.
Blessed to have spent over 30 years with the love of my life who shares my dreams.
Standing in awe of the little bundle that started this whole adoption journey. A baby. A gift straight out of no where. Who gets gifts such as these?
Others ask us how can you do this? Aren’t you tired? What were you thinking? What am I thinking?
I.AM.BLESSED!!!!!
That is what I am thinking as I stand there with the tears flowing down my cheeks. Blessed at this family that God has made. Completely and utterly humbled by the God who would allow me such a blessing just because I was obedient to His call. What a gift to be given. How do I do this? How could I not?
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Happy Birthday Mama!
We said goodbye and celebrated my mom’s birthday on January 5th, 2014. She would have been 68 years old. We met at the church early to make her a wreath. My sister-in-law, Gayle, brought artificial flowers and the styrofoam so the grandkids could make my mom a forever wreath. My mom always made wreaths for friends and family and sometimes people she barely knew after they had died. She made these wreaths with a marker for their name. She always said she hated that it took forever for headstones to be carved and there was no indication of who was recently buried. So she made forever wreaths that could be placed at the gravesite. It was fitting that the grandkids made the final one for her.
We had champagne cake to celebrate her birthday because that is what she always brought to the kids for their birthdays. It was their favorite. We decorated the sanctuary with balloons and giant pinwheels (thank you Marcy). We hung streamers and brightly colored balloons downstairs. We had her meal catered by a Howard Ball (Feedshed Catering) who for years has smoked porkchops that mom has brought down to us. Friends and family brought more bars and candy. Grandma made her famous prune bars (delicious even though the name doesn’t sound like it).
The church is very small. One of those small community churches that are slowly fading away. I was baptized in this church, confirmed, and married there. I had my high school graduation and wedding reception there. This church holds many good memories for me. It was hard to go back after all these years to say goodbye to mom. I’m not sure how many people the church normally holds, maybe 120 – 10 pews each side, 6 people to a pew).
The basement hadn’t been used in years so friends of my mom, members of the church, cleaned and set it up for us. They set up overflow seating in the addition, maybe another 100 seats. All the seats were filled. The family had gathered in the basement to pray before the service. As we were waiting for it to start, members of the church kept coming down to get more chairs. They just kept coming and coming. It made me smile to think about my mom, who sincerely thought no one would show up at her service. She didn’t want a funeral because she believed she really didn’t know that many people who would come. There were people standing at the back of the church because there was no more room for chairs. It did my heart good to see that. On top of that, I heard from over 20 more people who couldn’t make it because of the weather. Who knows what would have happened if that horrible polar vortex hadn’t hit.
I don’t believe that my mom thought the Christ-filled life she lived really impacted people. She went about her life without fame or fanfare. Magazines and newspapers weren’t writing articles about the gifts of generosity and giving that she did. No one was writing about wiped noses, or games attended to, no one wrote about sleepless nights, or hands held and all of that is okay because she wasn’t doing it for notoriety. She simply cared about others. She lived to make people smile. One of her friends that served on the city council with her told me that ever since her mom passed away the year before, my mom would see her and give her a hug. Mom always said, “Here’s a hug from your mom.” She just cared when other people hurt. She loved to give stuff away. She loved to brighten your day.
The most money my mom ever made per year was $24,000. She was married but my stepfather didn’t make that much either. She spent the past 10 years babysitting for her grandkids. She certainly wasn’t going to get rich babysitting but she loved being with the kids. If you were at the service, you could tell how much they loved her. Her grandkids knew her. Her grandkids knew how much she cared. Her grandkids knew, if it was possible, she would be their cheering them on.
Mom wasn’t perfect by any means, but her heart was always in the right place. Life hadn’t always been kind to her. She had suffered with sarcoidosis since Cassie was born. She often felt ill. Perfumes would make it difficult to breathe. Yet, she would attend every recital, game and church event that she could. She would have to hide in a back corner sometimes if the scents were too much, but she was there.
Mom proved over and over again that you don’t have to be rich to be generous. She believed it wasn’t how much you had but what you did with what you had. She gave of her time, her heart, and her money. She would honestly give you her last dollar rather than keep it for herself. Every year when we had our craft sale, I would give her the lecture on raising her prices. I would say, “It’s okay to make a profit.” and she would just laugh at me. She would say, “I am making a profit. Plus, I get to make people happy.” How do you argue with that? She loved finding bargains and passing them on to her customers. We were at the Iowa State Fairgrounds for the past 10 years. Every year people would show up and say they headed to our booth first. It was always a wonderful weekend. Mom would spend the weekend here at the house and camp out with the kids.
I will miss the craft sale weekend and the Women of Faith weekend the most. I always looked forward to them. This year was the first one in over 11 years that I had to miss. Mom went even though she had to spend her weekend in a wheelchair. I was in the hospital with Evie and didn’t feel like I could leave. We had said we would go to the one in Minneapolis in October but she never got well enough to go.
Thank goodness I always took the time to talk to her and to visit her. I can honestly say I regret not being there with her at Women of Faith this year, but it was impossible to do so. Other than that I have very few regrets. I talked with mom a couple of times a day. She was one of my best friends. She held my hand on the worst day of my life, when my little boy died. She held me up. She encouraged me. She loved me. She was a great mom and a true friend.
She believed with her whole heart that she was going to a better place. “Home” is what she called it. She always said, “If God has a plan for me, I’ll still be here. If not, I will be hugging my grandson until we meet again.” She always had great faith. She believed in God’s plan. She trusted it no matter what. She fought as hard as she could until her body could take no more.
She lived a quiet life. She made mistakes. She believed in God with her whole heart. She loved. She gave. She changed lives and had no clue that she was doing that. She is a beautiful soul that lives on in all her children and grandchildren. She leaves a wonderful legacy of caring and giving and she didn’t have a clue that she was doing it. She just fully believed it was better to give than receive.
I will miss her and if I didn’t have every hope in a future with her, I would be unable to face my day. BUT I do have hope. For it is by grace you have been saved through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift from God. Ephesians 2:8 Thank God for His grace. Thank goodness I can rely on His grace for an eternity to spend with her.
Today brings me one day closer to seeing my mama again. Today I may have moments of sadness but I will not be overcome. I will hold firmly to the promises that He has made. Promises to give me a future and a hope. I hang on tight to that hope.
Here are a few of the pictures from mom’s slideshow.
We played her slideshow with the song by Steven Curtis Chapman, See You In A Little While. It was very fitting, especially the second line.
See you in a little while Mom! Give my little boy a hug for me until we are all together again. LOVE YOU!!!!!
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Thank you!
Today I started to write a blog about Jasmine and I noticed what number post my next post would be. It would be number 200. That is just crazy! I told my husband I couldn’t believe I had that much to say and he laughed. I’m not sure why….it’s not like I’m a talker or anything. Ha! Ok, family and friends who know me well, you can stop laughing now.
To top everything else off I got my year end results for visits to the blog. 39,969 visits. I called my mother-in-law and she has guaranteed me that she didn’t just sit at home and sign on and off 100’s of times a day so that means the blog has a few followers. I mention this number not to brag but to say “thank you”. I am amazed because I know that I personally do not know the 1,000’s of unique visitors that it says I have had to my site.
Thank you to all of you who follow our story. Thank you to those who pray for our family. Thank you for your support and encouragement over the past 18 months. Thank you for your kind words when my heart was hurting and for celebrating with us when we had great news. It constantly amazes me and humbles me that we have such a great group of prayer warriors covering our children as they grow. Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!
Praises to God who continues to bless us in ways we could never even imagine. You’ve heard me say it before and I’m sure I will say it again….I am seriously blessed. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. May your new year be blessed too!
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My mama…
My mama was everything good and generous and giving. My mama has been my lifelong best friend. Her life wasn’t always easy. She could look stern but she would give you the shirt off her back if you asked for it. She would rather give away her last dollar than keep it for herself. She was never wealthy by earthly standards, but she gave generously. She loved to make people smile. She believed in God and His power with her whole heart. She sang silly songs. Would use the word “jellyfish” if she wanted to cuss. You knew how mad she was by how many adjectives she used to describe the jellyfish. She grew up hearing silly superstitions and even though she didn’t believe them, she would still spout them every once in a while and make us laugh. She said things like “I knew you were thinking about me because my nose was itching or I knew today was going to be lucky because my hand itched.”
She loved her grandchildren and was at every event she could be at. She was always so proud of all of them. She sat through countless recitals sometimes twice in one day. She went to ballgames, Awana meets, school programs of any type.
She especially loved pageants and watching Miss America with Cassie. When Cassie was about 4, Mom asked me if she could put Cassie in a local pageant. I remember laughing because Cassie wouldn’t leave my side. Cassie was a mama’s girl. There was no way that girl would walk across a stage. All the little girls were walking across the stage with their moms. We were last in line to walk across the stage. We got to the stairs and Cassie said, “Mama, I got this. You go stand by nana.” And off she went, waving her hands like she was the real Miss America. I will never forget the tears in my mom’s eyes as Cassie was crowned. You would have thought she won the Miss America pageant itself. As the years went by, Cassie decided to do another local pageant and of course, my mom was there. This is one of my favorite pictures from that time.
She made wedding flowers for barely more than cost and I would ask her why. She said, “Because it makes me feel good to be part of someone’s happy day. I don’t want them to have to worry about the cost.” She did my wedding flowers and Cassie dreamed of the day when she would do hers.
We did crafts together for years, my mom, my mother-in-law Linda, Linda’s sister Kay, and me. We had a great time. We started doing crafts years and years ago. When we first started out, it was because I needed money if I were to ever afford Christmas presents for my children. As the years went by, I didn’t need it but they could use a little help with their Christmas funds. During the last 11 years, we have mainly been doing the sale at the Iowa State Fairgrounds every Christmas holiday. We have our huge booth in the corner. We look forward to all the people that come back year after year and buy from us. No matter what I did I couldn’t get Linda or my mom to raise their prices. They loved passing on their bargains and loved to make people smile so they would just say, “We are making a profit. It’s ok.” During the sale, my mom would constantly get up and give people bags to carry their purchases. It didn’t matter if they had purchased from us or not. If she saw someone carrying a big coat or items they purchased somewhere else without a handle, she was out of her seat, handing them a bag, and wishing them a Merry Christmas. That was my mom.
This is how the booth looked when we set up Friday afternoon.
That weekend was a Christmas wonderland. The kids came and helped us set up. Family helped bring the crafts down to Des Moines and we would all have the most fun. We ate cookies by the bucketful. We laughed. We celebrated making a profit. We would talk about what next year would bring. We stayed up late making more crafts and laughing. The weekend was always a success. We would talk about all the bargains we would find after Christmas was over.
And this is how it looked on Sunday afternoon.
I have many, many wonderful memories of my mom. After Christmas sales will never, ever be the same. I miss hearing her call a couple times a day. I miss her phone messages that would say, “It’s just mom!”. No matter how many times I told her my phone says I have a missed call and you don’t need to leave a message, that message was always there. Oh, how I miss it now. I wish I had saved just one.
I hate that the littles will never run with glee to the door when she arrives like my other children did. I hate that they won’t know that she was called the shoe fairy by Cassie. Mom always found the best bargains for shoes and Cassie, Hope and Grace were always well outfitted. I hate that they won’t have her sitting in the audience cheering them on too. I hate that she won’t be bringing them a champagne cake for their birthday. And most of all, I hate that Cassie hurts because her dreams of what her wedding would one day be like are never to be. Cassie used to dream of driving all over looking for her dress with me, Linda, Mom and Kay. Mom and Kay are both gone now. Cassie and nana would discuss wedding flower colors when she was just a little girl. They would talk about twinkling lights and all the tulle my mom was going to place everywhere. Cassie and Nana had big plans. They had big plans on a budget.
My mom was the best bargain shopper of all. Every year we did Operation Christmas Child boxes. All year long she would pick up sale items – shirts, colors, hairbows, you name it, she found it. She would shop the clearance sales after school started and buy as many of those little plastic pencil boxes that she could find. Last fall she picked up every one that Wal-Mart had. She just threw all that she found for 25 cents in the cart and didn’t count. We usually did 42 boxes. 7 of each of the six age groups. The year before we had done 77 and she thought that was wonderful. This year she wanted to do more. We actually wrapped boxes and filled them this May before I left for China. We knew I would be very busy when we got home. We ended up with 217. She was thrilled.
Every year we went to the Women of Faith conference. Each year our group grew. This was the first year in over 10 years that I had to miss. They are great weekends spent with laughter and tears. We have a slumber party and we all laugh well into the night. This year Evie was in the hospital after having heart surgery and I didn’t feel right leaving her so Cassie took over. Cassie drove the bus and took everyone to the conference. Mom was not feeling well, but she still went. She liked being with her friends and sharing her faith.
There are so many things I can say about my mom, but the thing that touched my heart the most was she loved her grandchildren and she never treated the ones we have adopted any different than the ones I gave birth too. I have heard many, many stories from others that this isn’t always the case. That was what made this whole summer so hard. Mom had a perforated ulcer the night we were to head back from China. She was here with Zach, taking care of the other kids while Dan, Cassie, Linda and I were in China. She was so sick. They rushed her into surgery. She came out of surgery, still not looking like herself. Later on it was discovered that she had had a massive heart attack somewhere before or during the surgery. She went into congestive heart failure and ended back up in the hospital. She went home to recover hoping to get well enough to have her quadruple bypass. She said, “I don’t want to live like this. I want to take the chance on surgery. If God has more plans for me, I will live and if not, I will get to see Kyle again.” She had her surgery and it was going well. She was set to be discharged the next morning and that night she started having blood pressure issues so they took her back to the ICU. We no more than walked her down to the ICU and she coded.
The code put her kidneys in failure, shocked her liver, and put a strain on her heart. She spent 45 days in the ICU. She fought a gallant battle. She finally got out of the hospital and was sent to skilled nursing care. She was happy to be in her home town but her body was just giving out. She started to sleep all day. She was confused at times. The last Tuesday that I went home to be with her she didn’t know who I was and I was heartbroken. We knew that the end was close because she refused to eat or drink any more. She just wanted to be “safe and at home” she would say. We knew what home meant. She wasn’t talking about a building. We decided to take her hospice where we could all be with her.
True to my mom’s selfless, caring way, she passed away on Christmas Eve at 5 p.m. allowing me to go home and spend Christmas with all her new grandkids, four of which had never experienced all that Christmas is. One of the hardest parts this past summer is that my mom really didn’t get to know her four new grandchildren. She only saw them a couple of times because she was just too sick.
One of the biggest gifts my mom gave my children and me was being friends with my mother-in-law. They came to every function together. They came down for shopping days where we had to eat at Red Lobster or HuHot. We took trips together and had two wonderful trips to Branson. During one trip, Kay, my mom and Linda all got in trouble for laughing too loud in the hotel room. I guess the people in the next room didn’t appreciate their bouts of laughter. The knocking on the wall only made them laugh harder. That is how much fun they had together. During the summer when we had no where handicap accessible for my mom to go to, she went to Linda’s. Can you imagine your mother-in-law taking care of your mother for weeks on end? Well, I had that privilege. My mom was loved by many. She was a beautiful soul who will leave a legacy of generosity and kindness.
If that was all there was, I would be beyond myself with grief, but that is not the end. Instead I have hope. Hope for an eternity spent with her in heaven. It’s kind of hard to be disheartened about that especially when she was suffering so. She fought and fought and fought some more. In the end, her body gave up on her. Multiple organ failure is what they called it. I called it slowly watching my mother fade away. When the person you love is suffering, imagining them happy and whole in heaven is a blessing.
The last gift my mom gave me was in hospice. She asked to sit up and I hugged her. She looked at me so clearly and said, “I love you Lis.” She laid back down and fell asleep. She slept for that first night and into the day. My dad came to visit. I walked him to the car. I came back in carrying a silly cat that Aunt Lucy had sent for the kids, that meowed a Christmas song, and showed my brother and my husband. As I turned to sit it on the chair, she took one last breath and was gone. I had been so afraid of the end and it wasn’t horrible. It was peaceful. She mouthed something that looked like “Ok” and she was gone. That was it. Another gift from mom.
I am sad but I am also surrounded by wonderful memories and extreme silliness from my children. (Maisey got make-up from Mema for Christmas.)
I will spend each day here knowing God still has a plan for me. I know that each day that passes bring me one day closer to seeing Kyle and mom again. Death of loved ones, especially a child, does that for you. You no longer fear death. You aren’t running towards it like life doesn’t matter, but you no longer fear the day that it will happen. God’s grace does that for you. His grace and mercy are what sustain me. What a gift. First, my salvation and second my mother. I am a very blessed girl.
P.S. I had the worst time finding the words for my mom’s obituary. I wrote one but it just didn’t sound right so Dan took over and wrote this beautiful obit for mom. I love the way he described her. She supported us when we were first married. We had very little and she would always show up at just the right time with food and toilet paper. 🙂 She was never just my mom. She was always my friend and biggest supporter. She will be missed.
Marly Ann (Messerly) Traster’s Obituary
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Thankful for…
A little boy that did better than anyone expected. (Today he has walked down the halls, had his chest tubes and i.v.’s taken out, and even smiled. UNBELIEVABLE!)
A little girl that we were told was deaf but can hear enough to dance to the music.
A little girl who now understands love and has learned how to give kisses.
A little boy that has blossomed and grown.
Exciting proposals and new additions to the family.
Family that becomes best friends.
People coming together to help others.
Shaved little heads that now hold enough hair for big sister to do a silly hairdo.
Siblings that get opportunities to make great memories together. (Hope loves special effects make-up. Cassie took her to be a zombie extra in a local movie.)
Big siblings that love their siblings enough to take care of them when mommy and daddy have to be gone with someone who is sick.
Husbands who support you, dream with you, love you, and make you laugh for more than 29 years.
Friends, family and others who encourage, support and pray for you.
Meeting people who have majorly changed your lives. (Maria’s Big House of Hope, New Hope Foundation and the Chapman’s daughters words that made me rethink being too old to adopt.)
Thankful, blessed, grateful, overwhelmed, and humbled – all these and more.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone!
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Mama & Mema
My Mama:
I’m a very blessed girl. I am lucky enough to be best friends with my mama. We have been friends forever. We didn’t have that usual teenage daughter/mother angst period when I was growing up. We talk a couple of times a day. I enjoy shopping with her. I enjoy just being with her. I have felt this way about her through all of my life. She is just a good, kind person. She is a strong, independent woman. She has always been tough and able to handle anything life sent her way. She has supported me through some of the hardest times of my life and she has always been there for me.
These past few weeks with my mom have been very, very difficult. It’s hard to watch someone you love when they are hurting. While we were in China, my mom had a perforated gastric ulcer. On May 22nd, while they were doing emergency surgery, they noticed a fairly large mass in her stomach. They tried to biopsy it but couldn’t get a good specimen. What they obtained came back non-cancerous, but they need to do an endoscopy, the end of June, to get a better specimen to be sure.
On May 26th, she was sent home and we figured as time went on she would slowly start to get back to old self. It just wasn’t happening. We watched as she slowly got worse. She pretty much quit eating. She was too fatigued to walk very far at all. She was pasty white. We were all very worried. We had an appointment on June 3rd with her surgeon. We explained her fatigue and he worried about anemia. We talked about her getting worse instead of better. We decided she needed to also see her family physician.
We called in and they said they could get her in June 12th. I argued and they still said we couldn’t be seen until June 5th. No one seemed overly concerned with how slowly she seemed to be recovering. On Wednesday, we had her seen and they sent her home on antibiotics because she had been diagnosed with a bowel infection (C-Diff) and was on the borderline of needing a transfusion (8.6 hemoglobin). She looked so horrible. We kept thinking a couple days of antibiotics and she’d be looking better. By the time Saturday rolled around, she looked worse and not better. We called the surgeon again and he said bring her in to the emergency room.
Well, what we found out was shocking. Mom was in congestive heart failure. They started running more and more tests. I suppose it shouldn’t have been to hard to figure out that she had excess fluid – since the poor girl had put on 21 pounds in 2 weeks. (Although her family doctor thought nothing of it.) We found out her kidneys and liver were in failure due to the heart problems. We found out that her ejection fraction was 20% – normal is 50% to 75%. She was anemic. The final decision through it all? Since her EKG before surgery was fine and she felt no pain any time after surgery. It is believed that she had a heart attack during surgery.
They told us she needed an angiogram but she was too sick to have them do one at this time. Shortly after her echo, they decided she needed one right away. Tonight she had an angiogram and we found out even more bad news. She has arteries that are blocked 80%, 85% and 90%. She needs bypass surgery and she is most likely too ill to receive it. The surgeon will be in and talk to us tomorrow about all of our options. Wow! That is a lot to take in. She went from being fairly healthy to barely able to get around. I am still in shock that all of this has happened.
So in honor of my mama – here is my lecture for you. If you have a family history of cardiac disease or high cholesterol, get a calcium scoring test. Fairly cheap ($99) and easy to do. They can tell you if you have any plaque and save you a lot of trouble down the road. Don’t pretend just because you feel pretty good that everything is okay. Don’t make your daughter cry too!
(and now on to happier grandma news)
MEMA:
Today is Mema’s birthday. Mema is my mother-in-love. I am lucky enough to have her be one of my best friends too. I talk to her daily on the phone too. My children love to be around her. She is funny and kind. One of my favorite things about Linda is her strength through hard times. She has a strong faith. A couple of years ago she lost her husband, and then in the same year, her sister and her father. Instead of wallowing in her self-pity she started a Bible study in her home for the women in her neighborhood. She has been very sad but knows that God still has a plan for her life. She uses her time to encourage others. Courage is what she has.
One of my favorite stories of my mom (Nana) and Mema is from when Cassie was about 10. Cassie was at the dance studio and a car pulled up to pick her up. In that car was my mom and mema, who both happen to be friends. They weren’t always friends, they became friends after Dan and I married. Everyone asked her who was there to pick her up and Cassie said her grandmas. Everyone was shocked that her two grandmas hung out together. They kept going on and on about how cool it was that both of her grandmas came to get her. It wasn’t until that moment that Cassie realized that most people’s grandmas don’t hang out together and she realized just how lucky she was.
Up until just a few years ago, our group included Linda’s sister, Kay, too. We would all go shopping together. We celebrated birthdays together. They would come to my children’s birthdays together. We did craft sales together and our business was called “Three Friends Crafts”. We go to Women of Faith conferences together. They drive together from Fort Dodge to visit their grandchildren. They are always there to support the kids in all they do. When it was decided mom couldn’t go home and take care of herself, Linda even offered to let her stay with her. It was Linda who drove my mom down so I could take her to the ER on Saturday.
I have been a blessed mama to have these to women in my life. They have both taught me so much through their kindness, strength, courage and faith. They have been our biggest cheerleaders with the adoptions and they love all their grandchildren the same. So today I want to take a moment to celebrate both of their lives. I pray that I have many, many more years to enjoy their friendship, encouragement and love.
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Quick Update
I haven’t been getting much sleep. The kids are pretty much up at different times all through the night. I get two to sleep and then the other wakes up. I feel like I have triplets. My hat is off to all the parents of multiples out there. I have been sleeping from 7 a.m to 9:30 a.m. every day. It’s the only time everyone is consistently asleep at the same time. So last night, I had just called in Zach at 3:00 to help me try to get Eli back to sleep. (Zach is a computer programmer and works odd hours.) Zach came in and we had a nice little talk while rocking Eli. Poor little Eli has no clue how to self-comfort. He doesn’t take a bottle, use his thumb, doesn’t like blankets or stuffed animals. The only way he gets to sleep is by laying his head on your shoulder. You can’t cradle him or sit down with him. You have to be standing, with his head on your right shoulder. He just won’t let you put him down. This has made for some very long nights. We had to take more drastic measures so when we got home, we let him cry it out. This is a hard task with a heart child. He is stubborn, unbelievably stubborn. He cried for almost 3 hours straight. I sat right there, as I’ve seen them do on the SuperNanny. Yes, I was resorting to parenting techniques learned from t.v. It’s been a long couple of days. Please don’t judge. I let him know I was there. I patted him and I sat. He finally gave in. My heart was breaking. This mommying business is tough.
Today a friend of ours brought over lunch. It was so nice not to have to think about cooking. The kids loved it.
Part of the reason that I am so tired is that the person who would have helped me in the afternoon so I could sleep is my mom. I posted a little bit about it the other day. Zach ended up taking my mom in for emergency surgery while we were in China. She had a perforated gastric ulcer. To top it off when they opened her up, they found a mass. Suffice it to say that my mama who is 67 and would love nothing more than to be here helping, is out of the picture. 24 staples will put you on your back no matter what your age is. The initial tests came back non-cancerous so we are all cautiously optimistic that all well be well with time.
Dan has to work. He has to sleep. He has patients he has to care for. It’s a big deal for him to keep his job. Plus, he has to drive Eli, Evie, Lainey and I to the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics tomorrow. Someone has to be awake in this household. Zach and Cassie have been trying to relieve me as much as possible. It just never seems to line up for me to sleep in the afternoon or early evening, but tonight was different. I got to sleep from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. and I feel like a new woman. It’s not helping me right now at 2 a.m., but I do feel so much better. Everyone is asleep right now so I took a benadryl in hopes that I can drift off for the next 4 hours before we have to get up to go to Iowa City.
In the midst of all the chaos of trying to figure out sleep schedules and meals, there have been so many wonderful moments. Yes, it is hectic. Yes, it is tiring. Yes, it can be frustrating especially for the woman who likes her chaos organized, but there have been so many wonderful moments throughout the day. Gracie and Shuang are always together. Shuang is teaching Gracie Mandarin. Ben wakes up every day and tells me how much he loves everyone. Maisey is in love with Evie or “her baby” as she calls her. Lainey is so much better. Her first couple of days with us felt like it was all temper tantrums. Now she runs through the house, giggling, running up to you for hugs, and playing with the other little ones. They all play well together. They share. They want to be together. At 4 a.m. yesterday, when I was at the end of my rope and was finally going to go wake up Dan, the littles (Ben, Maisey, Eli and Lainey) all chased each other around in the sunroom. They were laughing so loud and hugging each other. Evie sat and cheered them on. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that it was 4 a.m. I would have hated to miss that. What a beautiful memory to treasure.
Once the sleep schedules are fixed, I can see that this will work. Even with the harder diagnoses and more work involved, it is going to work better than I had hoped. That makes this mama’s heart very, very happy. We’ve even got to go shopping and it went well. Watching Shuang pick out clothes was so much fun. She got three new pairs of shoes and sat and giggled at Payless. Everything is possible with time and effort. My house might even get picked up some day. I’m gonna go ahead and say without outside help, perfectly clean is way out of the picture, but liveable is well within reach. We are working on our new normal and I must admit I really like it!
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- Shopping for the first time.
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- New normal!
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