Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category
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Just when I think I couldn’t love him more….
It’s been over 30 years since I met Dan. We celebrated 28 years on November 24th. He is truly my best friend and my soul mate. I still look at him with wonder in my eyes. He is truly amazing. God has given him so many gifts. Truly wonderful gifts. He has a unique way of looking at things. He is a true problem solver. He brings so much to his jobs and works so hard. Yes, I said jobs. He has his clinical job. He works for a national company as the director of clinical and quality improvement. He writes books. He’s written for magazines. He now volunteers with Love Without Boundaries and New Hope Foundation. He has a true heart for children. I love that about him.
I love many, many things about him. I love that he listens to me ramble on and doesn’t make me feel foolish. When I’m excited about the littlest thing, he gets excited with me. He holds my hand. He looks at me adoringly. He makes me feel beautiful even when I know I’m not exactly looking my best. I love how he makes me feel like I have the most important job in the world. I love how my dream is his dream. I look at him and feel this overwhelming amount of love in my heart and I think this is it….I couldn’t possibly love him more and then he does the sweetest thing and I’m proven wrong.
Just the other day he informed me that our 12 foot Christmas tree is staying up until all our children are home. He wants all of our children to experience Christmas this year. Now the girls should be home sometime in March, but Eli will be a different thing. If we have to go back and get him, it will be another 5-6 months. That puts us into September or so. We will be having a Valentine’s Day tree and an Easter tree and a 4th of July tree. (I’ll be sure and post pictures.) If the tree is up until September, I might as well leave it up until Christmas.
But the biggest reason I love him even more is that I wrote Lauren a letter explaining who we all were and tried to keep it short. I didn’t want to overwhelm her with the very first letter. He decided that he would write a letter instead. He thought it might make a difference since China is such a patriarchal society. He wrote her a very loving letter explaining how much we love her. He told her how we fell in love with her from the very first time we saw her picture. He explained that we wish we could just come get her but we have to follow the rules and told her how sorry he was that we didn’t see her picture sooner. The letter was very, very sweet. He also had the idea for us to pose holding her picture so she could see how happy we are that she will be our daughter.
Every little girl should be lucky enough to truly be loved by her dad. She should know she is treasured, cherished, and not have any doubts about that. She should hear how much he loves her. I think when you trust your father’s love it’s easier to trust God’s love for you too. We apply human characteristics to God and He is our Father. It’s easier to trust your heavenly father when you already understand being cherished unconditionally by your earthly father. I know all of my girls have this with their daddy. What a beautiful gift and I’m lucky enough to be a part of it. As I said, I thought I loved him then….
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Things you never imagine happening….
For those of you who don’t know my son Codey, he is 25, severely physically and mentally challenged. One of his favorite things to do is open his window and listen to the cars go by and the birds sing. He has his big, fake leather, comfy chair parked right there under the window. He would sit there for hours if I would let him. We actually partially unscrew the screw in the lock to keep him from being able to unlock it and open the window even when it’s 100 out.
I admit that I worried about Codey and how our new kids would do with him. He doesn’t like to share toys. He doesn’t like change. He doesn’t like his wheelchair so he gets around our house by scooting on his bottom. He growls when he’s upset and can yell very, very loud. How do you explain that behavior to a child who is mostly deaf but can hear really loud noises or a child who 4 months ago only spoke Mandarin? It’s one thing to adopt a baby and have them grow up around it. It is a completely different set of issues to take a 2 and 3 year old and introduce them to him.
I’m sure you’ve heard me mention before that you should never worry because the things you worry about often don’t come to be and you couldn’t even possibly imagine what might come to be. (Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. – Corrie ten Boom.) I’m not a worrier by nature, but thoughts do cross your mind – no matter who you are and how strong your faith is. You think “How am I gonna handle this if….”. It’s just human nature. I wondered about whether they would get along. What if they didn’t like each other. What if Benjamin and Maisey were afraid of him. Codey is a very tenderhearted, sweet, affectionate, loving little boy. He may be 25 but he is a small child mentally. What if their behavior made Codey sad?
It seems I had nothing to worry about. The other day, I found Codey trying to help Maisey on to his chair. There was no growling involved. No yelling whatsoever. Just secret laughs and quiet whisperings of who knows what. Codey was politely helping Maisey up on the arm of his chair and what does she have in her hand? A SCREWDRIVER! How does a 2 year old deaf girl communicate with a 25 year old non-verbal boy? I’m pretty sure I never even considered this happening. Needless to say, I worried for nothing. AGAIN! They are the best of friends and I am one blessed mama. Codey shares his toys with them. Codey shares his food with them. I don’t know how Codey knows that they were hurting souls, but he did. God is good!
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God is good. Man can be evil.
This is a wonderful blog from a mother at the midnight premiere. People always ask where God is in all of this. God gave us free will. Man can choose what he does. Could God stop it? Yes! But then we wouldn’t have free will. I have tried many times to wrap my head around bad things that happen to people. I have yet to succeed, but the verse does not say all things will be good. The verse says God can take all things and make them good. That is a huge difference. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose Romans 8:28
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The butterfly effect
This song is so appropriate for what I have been feeling lately. I want my life to matter. I don’t want another day to go by without doing what God is calling me to do.
And I believe God is calling me to do more. I have had people tell me that it is only my emotions, that God really isn’t speaking to me. I can tell you for a fact when God speaks, you know it is from Him. It’s not like I’m hearing voices or God has my cell phone number. I’m not delusional. What it is though is a feeling to the very core of your being. It is knowing something with such certainty, such clarity, that even you are amazed by it. It may be accompanied by dreams. I’m never sure if the dreams are my subconscious living out what I am feeling or if I’m really having a dream based on something God is trying to tell me. Either way when you have one of those dreams, you don’t just wake up, shake it off, and go about your business. It is life altering.
Then in the coming weeks you hear sermons, read devotionals, talk to others and their words all line up with those deep feelings. Things you have heard or read before take on a new meaning and you wonder how you missed it the first time. Things like the song above which hits home or the verse below that was in my devotional.
Luke 12:47-48: “And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” or….
Os Hillman’s devotional stating this – Satan’s strategy is to keep us distracted with the urgency of the moment versus the importance of eternity. Ask God what your priorities should be today. Make His priorities your priorities.
God commands us to take care of the least of these. He states over and over again to take care of the injured, the hurting, the widow, the orphan. Pastor’s sermon this week was on the Good Samaritan. Which made me stop to think, would I stop and help? Would I give money to help? Or would I just say the words “I’ll pray” and then move on and forget about it? It’s not that I don’t think praying for others is important. It is very important! I stopped to really contemplate this a few years back. After that initial moment was gone and I had said my prayer, did I remember to pray again? Truth was I wasn’t as good as I should have been about it so now I write it in my phone notepad. I open it to remember people that I’ve said I would pray for so I remember to pray every day while it’s needed because I’m busy and more forgetful than I want to be. I want others to know that if I say I’m praying for you then they will truly be in my prayers.
Luke 12:47 says that if we know better and do wrong than the punishment is worse. Somehow I missed that verse or it didn’t stick as well as it should have. I’ve heard verse 48 over and over again. Even Spiderman paraphrases it – ” With great power, comes great responsibility”. But being held more accountable because I knew what I was doing was wrong – was a new idea. There is such a thing as prosperity testing. I know I scoffed at the idea when I had no money. Who would be tested with more money? If you could pay your bills and have some left over, where would the test be in that? I’m mean seriously bring on that test, I’m sure I could pass it with flying colors. Well, at least those were my thoughts.
But remember the widow who gave her two last coins? The Bible talks about how that is worth more than those of us who give a little of what we have. The thought of how much is enough drives me crazy some days. Every time I order pizza for our huge family, I think about how another child could have been sponsored. It’s not that I think that you shouldn’t spend money, take trips, eat out. I just don’t know what is enough to give. I fail miserably at not wasting money. I hate that about myself. I look back at things I thought I really needed – only to be discouraged as I’m taking it to Goodwill. Why did I buy it? Why did I waste the money? So many people are doing without and I am being wasteful. I give to others. I help out when there is a need. I care for orphans and give to World Vision. But deep down in my heart I know I’m not doing all that I could be doing. For that reason Luke 12:47 frightens me. I know better.
I often wonder will there be a list when I get to heaven? I believe things will become known to us. That smile you gave to the person at the store, may have turned their day around and you will hear about it. Those Bibles you donated, you will have believers coming to you thanking you for the word. You will see the people their lives touched after they were saved. The child you sponsored will come forward. BUT the other stuff is more scary. Will I see all those people I drove by – the homeless and the hurting? Will I see the people I hurt when I was distracted and unforgiving? Will there be a list of all those mental attitude sins that I did each and every day? Gluttony – too often. Judgmental – more than I care to admit. Envious – it’s too easy to do that. Angry, lazy, the list goes on. I know Christ died for my sins and they are covered, but the fact that they are keeping me from being who I could be bothers me.
I don’t believe God promises me wonderful vacations and an easy life. I do believe He says eternity is wonderful. The blessings will be more than I can even comprehend. I sometimes forget that it’s not about my life here on earth according to the world’s standards. It’s about fulfilling His purpose for my life here. I know people think to be adopting at 48 is crazy, but there are at least 2 more babies that are waiting for me to mommy them. 2 more babies that I should love and protect for as long as I am allowed. I believe this to my core. I’m hoping for more than that. I know that it sounds crazy, but I am so happy to think about more babies. When I was young I had hoped to have 12 children and then I let fear get in my way. God’s plan is much better though. Now I get the chance to have 12 (I do so hope) and I am old enough, with enough life experience, to truly appreciate what that means. I get to have my dream when I thought that dream was long gone. It makes me cry sometimes that is how blessed I feel.
God is calling Dan and I. It’s not just to adopt either. I’m not sure where it will lead but the stuff that has happened on Dan’s end has been amazing. God is truly an awesome and wonderful God. Watching everything fall into place has been truly amazing. If there is anyone who is busy, it is Dan. He works at Mercy; he is the Director of Clinical & Quality Improvement for a national company; he writes articles, journals, and books; and yet, when the opportunity to volunteer for Love Without Boundaries came about he stepped up. He goes above and beyond and I love that about him. God is calling us. I’m excited and scared senseless at what that might mean. We have so many ideas some of which are coming into play. Helping orphans has been laid heavily on my heart and God will provide the direction. There are so many hurting children. If you could see the pictures that I have seen you would cry and have your heart hurt right along with mine. I can’t share most of them because of confidentiality, but I can share one blog that recently came to my attention. http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/search/label/Ruby%20Grace Read the headings The Miracle of Ruby Grace – Part 1&2 and try not to be moved.
Which leads me to where my thoughts have really been lately. I have heard people say I understand about adopting, but my life is so much simpler now. The kids are all in school. Life is good. I don’t think that I could add that to my plate or afford it or I’m too scared. I understand that. Adoption isn’t for everyone. I get that. But you can mentor, volunteer, donate, sponsor a child, etc. There are a million ways to do what God is calling you to do. I just have a really hard time with the “my kids are growing up and life is easy now” statement, because in reality what you are saying is your are more willing to leave a child in an orphanage rather than make your life harder. A hard statement I know, but I believe it. I’ve said the “I’m too busy to…” “I don’t have any money to spare.” “It won’t make a difference.” But none of those things are true. That is why I’m having difficulty with my own life. What am I saying by not doing more? What am I saying by not giving more? You can have an effect that goes on and on – the butterfly effect is what it is called. Dan likes to say you can have a butterfly effect or a maggot effect. What do you want your life to mean? Spread those wings and shower love on those that you can. You never know who’s life you are touching with something as simple as a smile.
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Fun Friday Photo
I thought I’d take an idea from a friend of mine (thanks Lisa) and post a funny photo or two every week. My topics can be a little serious sometimes so we will lighten it up with fun photos of my kiddos.
Waiting for her sisters to come back upstairs.
New beds are the best!
Playing is hard work!
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The best thing that ever happened to me.
It takes Dan days to read this so I know I will get away with it for at least a little while. 🙂
On Father’s day I wrote on Facebook and this is what I said:
“I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. I am blessed that he is a man after God’s own heart. That he believes in God’s plan for his life. That he believes God has a purpose for our children’s lives and he does all he can to help them achieve that purpose. I love that his job is to care for the sickest of babies and he does it to the best of his God-given abilities. I love that he makes me laugh every day, that he makes me a much better person, that he encourages me in every way, and that I am perfectly content to do absolutely nothing with him and it’s still a great day! Happy Father’s Day sweetheart!”
And this is what Cassie said:
‘The greatest thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.’ – Elaine S. Dalton
Thankfully, I have gotten to grow up in a house where this is lived out everyday. Thank you daddy, for not only being the open-hearted, loving daddy that you are, but for openly showing momma love every single day. You two have created one of the most amazing relationships, and I pray that I can have one like it someday.
I love you daddy! ♥I am lucky enough to be loved by a man who tells me every single day over and over again how much he loves me. I am definitely not the prettiest and not the fittest but he makes me feel like I am. He encourages me with my job and helps me to achieve my goals. He is my best friend and he is the first person I want to tell everything to. He makes me laugh. He holds me up when I’m sad. He is so on board with all of my dreams. He loves babies as much as I do. He gives his all at work and tries his best to care for the sickest babies out there. He takes his job of Director of Clinical and Quality Improvement for the national company he works for very serious. He does so many things that others take credit for and he never complains. The mama bear in me wants to scream and he always tells me. “It’s not about me. It’s about taking care of the babies. As long as they get the care they deserve, I don’t care who gets the credit”. He starts every day with God’s word, asking for the wisdom and the courage to do the right thing. He takes the time to really talk to parents because he knows what it’s like to be on the other side. He is so quiet and sometimes I think people miss his funny side and assume that he is quiet and reserved. I often joke that when he retires he could be a comedian. I love to watch him with our kids. I love how they run to him and he picks them up to hug them tight. I love how he nicknames them all and let’s them know just how unique and special they are. I love how he knows that his job is their salvation first and for them to find their purpose second.
I just want to put it all in writing for him. I love him so much. We have been married 27 years now and they have been some of the hardest times but they have always been the best of times because he has been by my side, holding my hand, and trusting a God with a plan that we might not always understand.
I love you Dan! You are truly more than I deserve. You took my broken heart, healed it and helped me find my purpose. You are my rock and my soft place to fall. I am a very, very blessed woman to be able to call you my friend and my husband. I can’t wait for what God brings to us next.
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Prosperity can make you poor
Sometimes when I stop and truly think about my children and their health issues, I can barely breathe. Honestly! Tears fall and my heart just hurts. I know that they will have an eternity of happiness, but I also know they will not grow old and pain will be a huge part of their lives. I know there will be medications and tests and blood draws and hospital stays and surgeries. I know that someday we will be at the end, way before their time, and I will have to stand by and watch and there won’t be anything I can do. I know this because I have been there before. I cried tears as they rolled out the white curtain to give us “some privacy” in the NICU. I don’t know who was around that night or who heard my anguish. Honestly at that moment I did not care. I only cared that my baby, who I had so many dreams for, was gone. It wasn’t fair. It hurt to watch him die. It hurt when I had to drive him to the funeral home in Fort Dodge after his autopsy because we couldn’t afford to have them come get him. It hurt when we picked out a very small white casket. It hurt because the headstone was yet one more thing that I could not afford and that was NOT what I wanted to be buying anyway. I wanted to buy cribs and little overalls and tiny tennis shoes. I had dreams of curly haired little blonde boys happily running through the grass. I did not want to put my baby in the ground. I hurt as I watched my husband walk over to the hearse and grab his little casket and carry it to the gravesite. It all hurt. It hurt so unbelievably bad. I never wanted to have another child. Coming from someone who wanted 12 when she was a little girl — that was a big deal!
I understand hospital stays (almost 5 years of them). I understand surgeries (close to 100 of them). I understand pain so horrible that your baby cries out, pounding on his head and hitting the gurney because he just wants to go to surgery and have the pain stop. I’ve prayed that God would just take him. I’ve cried out for Jesus to rescue him in any way that He could. I’ve watched my son seize so bad that the only thing touching the bed were his head and his feet. I’ve had a daughter come back from surgery with her chest wide open because they couldn’t get it closed. I’ve sat in surgery waiting rooms where we’ve been back for three shunt surgeries in one day and even the receptionist cried with us. I have had bad news after biopsies. I’ve been there. I understand what I’m signing up for and yet I choose to do it again because love is more important than the hurt. Love is bigger than the hurt. The months or years that I have with them will be worth every moment I spend waiting to be with them again. I will not hold back my love because I am afraid. Because I am not afraid of what lies ahead. I have full confidence in a God that is so much bigger than me. I have heard the bad news but I know the good news!
The truth of the matter is when everything is going right I rarely have a reason to turn to the Lord. I spent years, when I was young, showing up at church on Sunday, I prayed, I sang, I went home and nothing about my week or my life really changed. I was compulsive about having a perfect body. I was compulsive about having a clean house. I know that as a teenager me trying to control these areas was me trying to pretend that I had some control. After I was molested when I was 11, my life felt out of control. I was confused and hurting and I controlled the things I could but at an unhealthy level. My mom and dad divorced and my whole world changed. As a child, that messes with you. Life is not perfect. Where is God? Did He even care? For years I thought those bad things that happened were my fault. That I somehow deserved them.
My life changed forever when Codey and Kyle were born. I no longer cared if my house was clean. Well, the reality was, I didn’t have a house or apartment, we lived at the Ronald McDonald House, but still what did I care if there was a dish in the sink. Kyle was gone and Codey was barely hanging on. I wanted to be at his bedside. My body I worked so hard to get was gone. I may have only made it 29 weeks with the boys, but my body took a beating. I went from a 24 inch waist to over 50 inches because I had polyhydramnios (excessive amniotic fluid). Everything I thought mattered was gone. The house, the job, the money, my son, a car, my body, everything except Dan, was gone. I had no control. I had to turn it over. It was either that or lose my mind. I had to believe God was in control and that His plan was perfect. I had to believe that all things work together for good.
Those tests and trials changed everything about my life. It was no longer about going to church on Sunday, it was about a relationship with the Lord. I began purposely praying throughout the day. I thanked God for everything – trials & blessings. I realized that there were tests in life and how I responded to them really did matter. When I started to keep short accounts of my sins & confessed them, I felt better. We often think if we aren’t doing anything wrong according to the 10 commandments then we are fine. We think if we are doing better in most people’s eyes than that guy down the street, well, then we must be doing all right in God’s eyes. The truth is we are all sinners. Everyone of us. It helps you forgive and put bitterness aside when you realize Christ died for all our sins. Every sin matters – big or small. The seven deadly sins really are deadly…wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony. Who among can say we don’t do any of these?
Even when all I had to eat was peanut butter and a loaf of bread, I still had food. Even when I couldn’t afford to bury my son, I had family that provided. Even at my worst, living in an apartment with roaches and no freezer and a little, tiny fridge, I had a roof over my head and a comfortable bed to sleep in. I am blessed because the truth of the matter is “if you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of the world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet and some spare change, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthiest. If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million people that won’t survive this week.”
I have wealth. I have a beautiful home and a nice car. I have lots and lots of stuff, but when you have lots of stuff you tend to rely on yourself, your job, your bank account, when you are hurt you go to your doctor, when you are hungry you go to the store for groceries. You rarely turn to God and truly have a relationship with him unless things are bad. If the only time you go to God is when you need something, then you are spiritually poor. You may be among the wealthiest in the world, but you are then spiritually poor because you aren’t turning to God. Every day I wake up knowing just how much I need God in my life. I look at their faces and I keep my eyes on the Lord. Then and only then can I truly live in the moment. I can be Ben’s mommy and just love him. I can hold him and be in the moment. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow because God has it covered. I don’t have to worry about how many days Ben has left because God knew Ben’s days before he even came to be. I trust in that plan still to this day. I may not understand it, but I trust it.
I just finished reading the book “Kisses from Katie” and it just confirmed everything I have been feeling. I can’t go through my days and do nothing. I have so much and so many children are dying of treatable illness and malnutrition. There has to be a way to fix it. I realize the world isn’t perfect. I realize there are big governments and evil people in the way of helping the truly destitute. But there has to be a way. Katie has made a difference in so many children’s lives. It is truly amazing. She is 22 and has 13 children all while living in Uganda and finding sponsors for 400 children to go to school and still she does more.
Matthew 25:40 “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’” I have been asking myself that a lot lately. What more can I do for the least of these? God is leading….I’m excited to see where it goes.
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The greatest of these is love….
I started this blog after my husband encouraged me to put my words down in writing. I sat and debated a blog for months because I wasn’t sure I wanted to put my feelings out there for others to read. He reminded me that if I don’t tell the kid’s story then I don’t let God’s glory shine either. The truth is hard to hide from and God places things on your heart and then you must pay attention. I wanted a blog that said something about being blessed. On blogspot there weren’t many of those “blessed” blogs left. I guess there are lots of people who feel blessed – praises all around for that! Zach then said that he could start me a website of my own if I would just come up with a name. All of my children and other family members gave me ideas. Those ideas all played on the fact that I use the word “seriously”….a lot. Way too much! So it became my site and every time I type it in it makes me smile. Because I am truly and utterly seriously blessed. That doesn’t mean I don’t have troubles or tests or trials. I just choose to see them for what they are, an opportunity to trust God, to turn everything over to Him, to place my faith where it should have been to start with because I was never in control anyway.
Zach initially made it hard to leave a response. Mainly because he was afraid of random people spamming me or criticizing me. I recently came across a quote that said “man’s criticism’s make it possible for you to stay humble while hearing man’s praise”. I don’t want to hear the praise because the reality is I don’t feel like I’ve done anything all that remarkable I have heard from a couple of people this week and it is as if God was saying it’s okay, listen to what they have to say. They are hearing that it is about Me and not about you. For that reason, I had him make it easier to leave a response although it still seems difficult to figure it out. I talked Linda through it just the other day to make sure that it worked. Directions for leaving a response: just click on the heading and it will open that post by itself and at the bottom of the page there should be a place for replying.
I know there are people who will read my blog and think I am boasting. I’m not. I know that I am but a speck in a great big sea. I have had life knock me to my knees more times than I care to mention. I know what is truly important in life and I’m humbled every day by the gifts I have been given. I have a husband who is my best friend, who loves me and tells me just how much every day. I have children who I cherish and I love to spend time with. I have been blessed enough to be able to adopt 3 children who have changed my lives in ways too numerous to mention. I get to see so many firsts and my heart is overflowing with love and gratitude to a God that made this possible.
I hear people talk all the time about how expensive adoption is and I know that is true. I maxed out a credit card, drained a savings account and still had to borrow a little bit more. It’s not easy even if your spouse makes a very good living. But if God places this on your heart you have to trust Him that it will be doable. I’ve seen people have garage sales, bake sales, auctions, put out jars in stores, just about anything you can imagine. There are ways to make it happen. There are organizations that give grants. It should not cost so much to take in an abandoned baby, but that is another talk for another day. What you will receive in return is a hundred fold more important and wonderful than those few dollars that you will spend. Besides it was never my money anyway…it’s always been Gods!
For those dollars that were spent, I’ve had the joy of watching a sweet little 2 year old blossom. When we got her that day in the registration office, to say she was quiet and sad would be an understatement. We stripped her out of her clothes when we got to the hotel and both Dan and I cried. She was starving with little tiny arms and legs and a distended belly. Because of the bumps on her ribs and her bowed wrists and legs, Dan guessed she had rickets and this was later confirmed. She had a bald spot on the back of her little head because the instant she got mad, she would throw herself to the floor and rub her head back and forth as she cried. This happened over and over again those first few days. She didn’t understand “no”. She was sad when the food got moved. I’m not sure anyone had ever tried to communicate with her which is sad because she can hear even without her BAHA. I held her. I rocked her. I comforted her and it stopped. It didn’t take very long and there was more and more time between each incident. I can’t remember the last time she threw herself to the ground – not since we left China. All of this changed because of love. Because we took the time to hold her and comfort her and care. That is all it took – well, that and a lot of noodles. 🙂 Now she runs through my house giggling, laughing, and throwing herself at your legs with great big bear hugs.
Probably the saddest thing was if they got hurt neither of the kids cried. If they hit their head hard or fell down, they didn’t cry tears. It took me a bit to even realize that was happening. It was as if it didn’t matter. They knew no one would comfort them so the tears never came. I can’t even explain how that feels as a mother. Sometimes when I think of what they have gone through my heart just hurts. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand this world. I don’t understand abandoning a baby. I don’t understand so much and the world seems so evil and really what can I possibly do? I can’t fix poverty or starvation or HIV or cancer or war. But what I can do is take one life and turn it around. One life at a time. It’s all any of us can do. I’ve now had the privilege of doing that with 3 lives. What a gift that is. You can’t put a price on how that will change your life. I have regretted many things that I have done in my past. I have regretted things that I have said out of anger. I’ve regretted things I should have said but chose not to out of embarrassment or lost opportunity. BUT I have never ever regretted helping someone, saying something that would brighten their day, telling someone that I love them or encouraging someone in some way.
I think that is each of our challenges, to seek God with all your heart and allow His glory to shine. Your testimony is your life. You can preach. You can quote the Bible. You can criticize and lecture and judge, but those things won’t bring anyone closer to God. I don’t want to be in the way of someone seeing God’s glory. I want others to see in my life the faith I have in a God and a plan that I can’t possibly understand. I have had the privilege of watching a little life turn around. I have had the great honor of bringing joy to a sad little boy and girl. I can give Benjamin years of joy, but that joy will never, ever compare to the joy he will feel in heaven. In the end, that will be my greatest gift to him, to show him the love of God and show him the way to salvation. I want to help him understand we are all waiting to be adopted. We are all longing to be loved for who we are. We are all looking for that one person who won’t let us down. No one on earth can do that for us because man is not perfect. Only God can do those things. Go to God. Talk to God. Ask Him what you can do for one person. Ask Him to open your eyes to the hurt that He sees. You will be amazed at the peace that comes from trusting a God who has it all under control even though His ways are so far beyond our understanding. Spread a little love to your loved ones and to those that are hurting around you. I guarantee you that you will never regret having done something out of love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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Loving life
I was thinking about how serious my blogs are most of the time. I was wishing I was wittier and more light-hearted. In reality, I love to laugh. I love to spend time making up musicals with my kids, they sing about everything even toast. I love the life that I am blessed to be able to live. So today I will post about what I’m grateful for and add a couple silly pictures just for fun.
I love my husband with my whole heart. I truly am blessed to be able to go through everything with him. He makes the bad times easier to handle. His is the witty one. He is the one who makes me laugh all the time. His one liners crack me up. We often joke about his comedy routine that he will do when he retires. It’s funny to me because most people think he is so serious. The Dan I know and love is humor and love and affection. I’m a blessed girl.
You all know how I feel about those kids of mine. I love home-schooling them because I get to spend so much time with them. I love that I can look at their face and instantly know how they are feeling. I love that we talk about everything and I do mean everything. I know they don’t tell me every thought they have. I know that sometimes it takes them time to come to me, but I also know they will come to me in their own time. I know that they know no matter what I will love them. I know that they are secure in their importance in my life. I know that they know when they walk in a room it brightens my day. I love that my opinion matters to them. I love to hear them quote the quotes I love. Gracie’s Code 1090 was proof of that.
I’m blessed with a wonderful extended family. My mom and my mother-in-law are two of my best friends. I have grandparents that are still around. In fact, they celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary yesterday, that deserves a shout out for sure! Brothers and sister-in-laws and nieces and nephews. Family is wonderful! I love Facebook because you get to see into the lives of people you aren’t lucky enough to visit with very often. Life is good!
Happy Friday everyone! Remember…. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. (Grace’s Code 1090)
Hope the Gangster
Yes, he is a ninja in a cozy coupe with a cell phone.
Just 1 of the 1,000 goofy faces she makes.
Wonder baby!
Mommy trying on a "Hats for Gracie" hat.
New towels from Elizabeth!
Benji in the middle!
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Hit by a bike and other fun things that happened in China.
We headed out from Des Moines on March 7th, 2012. Dan and I were excited to finally be heading to China. We had waited a year to get to hold our little ones and it seemed so much harder to wait the closer we got. We would be arriving in Beijing on the 8th. I couldn’t believe we were actually going to do it. We were traveling internationally for the first time. I was so happy to be on this journey with my best friend. I love that our hearts were in exactly the same place with all of this. Our lives were about to change in a really big way.
When we got to China we had a couple of days to acclimate and do some sightseeing. Acclimating really wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. Being out in the daylight and having plans made it a little easier or maybe it was I was just too excited to sleep.
Beijing was just SO big. They have 20 million people and 10 million more people come in to town to work. I think Iowa has 3 million people all together and our 5 big skyscrapers in our downtown are really quite tame compared to the miles and miles of skyscrapers in Beijing and every other town we visited. I’m a small town girl that’s for sure. It was just overwhelming – the noise, the pollution, the traffic, the massive amounts of people.
One of my favorite things that we did on our tour was a ride in the rickshaw. There was a street lined with rickshaws and people waiting to peddle you around. Hundreds of rickshaws. We went down streets that were barely wide enough to have a car go down them. We got to see how people used to live in the villages. The government is building many more modern buildings and the young are moving to those buildings, but there are still blocks of small one story buildings where people live with no indoor plumbing. They use public bathrooms and cook in a community kitchen. The elderly like it because it is all they have ever known and it’s like one big family.
We got to visit one of those homes where a 77 year old woman lived. We sat in her room, which was 20×20 maybe, and she told us her life story – as translated by our guide. She had raised 3 children in this home with no indoor plumbing. She had chosen to marry for love and married beneath her status. She turned down 7 suitors and gave up a much more well-off life for a life of happiness and love. While looking around her room, I noticed many crosses and other Christian items. It turns out she was Catholic. In a country where 30 years ago it was illegal to own a Bible, I was in a room with a woman of faith. It was amazing. We later learned that China is behind only the United States for the number of Christians the country has. They estimate as high as 100 million people in China are Christian. That is amazing!
Our next great adventure was the Great Wall and the Forbidden City. The Great Wall was amazing and so hard to climb. It is one thing to climb a gazillion stairs. It is another thing completely to climb uneven stairs at different heights while others are running around you. There were tons of people going up to the first tower, then less and less people the higher you climbed. I climbed to tower number 4. I was fine until I turned around to go back down. My fear of heights kicked in. I looked at the stairs a lot. It was probably a good thing because it was so uneven. I was so fearful of tripping and taking out about 50 people on the way back down. Not good! Dan bought a lock so we could put our lock on the railing of the Great Wall and throw away the key. It is supposed to symbolize a marriage that can’t be broken. I do love that man!
The Forbidden City was unbelievably BIG! Our guide told us how one family lived here. I can’t imagine being a peasant during that time and seeing the opulence or having your daughter chosen as a concubine and spending her life there for only the emperor. Have I mentioned that I thoroughly enjoy being born in this country and at this time in history? Though seeing the Forbidden City was an amazing site and one that was truly hard to comprehend. It is just mind-blowing to think of the manpower needed to lay those bricks and build the walls – 600 years ago. Putting your hands on history is amazing.
We visited a silk factory. We watched them stretch out a cocoon (the size of a salt pellet) over a metal frame. Then they take it and stretch it out across a bed to be put into a bedspread. I actually got to help pull the corner out on one. We also visited a Jade factory where Dan and I bought a “Jade Family Ball”. I loved what it stood for (it means family that can not be torn apart) and we decided to buy one of the smaller ones to remember our wonderful trip. There is a you-tube video if you are interested in seeing them make one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnpEfGVdJs0 We went to an acrobatic show. We also saw the “bird’s nest” at the Olympic Park.
Have I mentioned that many, many people bike? There are regular bikes and motorized bikes and bikes that carry everything on big carts behind them and bikes with big baskets. I stepped out from around a bus only to be hit by one of those basket carrying bikes. Dan jokes that I almost ended up in that basket. The Chinese gentlemen was not amused by the clumsy American woman who appeared out of no where.
Everywhere you go there are signs for public toilets. It’s an interesting site. Almost as interesting as the “split” pants the babies wear. Everywhere you go you see little ones in big bulky snow suits with the crotch open and little bare butts. The children walk over and just pee in the gutter or on a tree or on someone’s tire. The snowsuits are crazy. When we got Maisey I couldn’t tell how big she was because she had on two pairs of snowpants, a snowsuit and 2 coats. It was 50 degrees outside. We went to get some papers signed one day and I put her in a coat, long pants and her boots. It was 70 degrees outside and I got lectured by the elderly ladies about not bundling her up enough. They believe it’s good for babies to sweat and apparently it is good to have a cold, little tushy too.
Shopping was crazy. When we got to Zhengzhou, we were informed that there was a Wal-Mart. Everyone was so excited. Ha! It wasn’t like any other Wal-Mart I have ever seen. We went up an escalator and were greeted by hanging gutted pigs, chickens hanging by their necks, and eels. It was crazy. It was much like a fresh food market. While we were shopping we ended up in the formula aisle, where every other parent in our group was trying to figure out what kind of formula to buy. Nothing was in English and we were all clueless. I bet whoever was manning the video surveillance that night was getting a good laugh. We looked ridiculous. Dan and I tried to buy bananas and they took them from us all while shaking their heads sadly. We finally figured out it was because we were the not-so-very-smart Americans and we didn’t put our bananas in a bag. It happened to another family and the clerk brought them a plastic bag. We, however, just got our bananas taken away. The Chinese buy very little at a time. You couldn’t tell which line was express because no one bought more than they could carry home or take with them on their bikes. Dan and I commented many times about how many people live there but no one is really over weight. Many people walk or bike. The old buildings don’t have elevators. They eat salad even at breakfast. There is juice, fruit, and vegetables every where. One of the families, that were very adventurous, walked around and ate from street vendors. There was scorpions on a stick, tarantulas on a stick, eel on a stick. I asked his daughter what she tried and she said strawberries on a stick. I think I might have been able to handle that one.
The best part about making it to Zhengzhou? We got to finally get our little ones. Gotcha Day was a big day for everyone! We all waited at the Registration Office for them to show up. They were coming from many different orphanages, some as far as 4 hours away, so we all just stood there in the room and cried as we watched families be united for the first time. Maisey came first and I just picked her up and held her. Then we waited and waited for Ben. Dan went to the door and grabbed his little boy. Our family was whole.
The worst part about China for me? There were cars everywhere. People pull in and out. They drive 5 across on a 3 lane road. They play chicken with each other. You can be driving down the interstate with 3 lanes and all of a sudden 2 are just closed or better yet you come up over a hill and there is one of those motorized bikes carrying a hug bale of hay going right down the middle of the highway at about 15 mph. People swerve in and out – no one wears seatbelts – no one has a infant/child safety seats. You just hold on for dear life and PRAY…a lot! People don’t pay attention to stop signs. Our bus driver did a U-turn in the middle of downtown. It was impressive. When we headed to Hong Kong I texted Zach because our driver was doing over 145 kmh & I couldn’t get Google to do the conversion for me. I like being safe. I’m happy not going over 75 here. China was a little hard on my nerves. Amazingly though we saw very few accidents. I don’t believe anyone is doing distracted driving in China.
The best part about China other than getting our little ones? We met 12 other wonderful families. People that are now dear to my heart for many reasons. I didn’t get to hang out with them as often as I hoped. Dan got food poisoning and was leary of eating anywhere. I enjoyed Papa John’s on numerous occasions. How funny is that? I’m in China and eating Papa Johns. Many people brought their children and it was sweet to see them interact with their new siblings. I was surprised at how attached the babies were to their new parents and how quickly it happened. The day we got Maisey and Benjamin they just held on for dear life. I have to believe that Dan’s prayers about letting them dream about us worked. They wouldn’t let us put them down. Benjamin was so happy in the hotel room. He would play and run and laugh like crazy. They ate and ate and ate. They fell asleep holding food. Ben’s security blanket for the first couple of weeks was a spoon and a bowl. They were deathly afraid of water. All in all I was just amazed at how smoothly everything went. I was prepared for the worst. I truly expected fighting and screaming and fear. The only fear Ben ever showed was whenever we left the hotel. He looked so afraid that we were going to take him back. When we got on the plane and headed home. We kept telling him family and pointed to the picture that he wore every day while we were there. I think he finally got it then or at least he had a glimpse of what his life was going to be like.
There were many firsts while we were in China. First time I’ve ever had a gas mask in the closet of my hotel room. First time to see split pants. First time I was told to “Be Prudent”. I was surprised about the things I truly missed. I missed just getting a drink out of the faucett. Being able to text whenever I wanted to. Facebook. Knowing what the food was in the buffet. Mainly, I missed holding my kids and being able to tuck them in at night. It was worth it to go get our two newest ones and I really enjoyed having a few days alone with them to bond, BUT I missed my babies at home horribly.
Before we left China, we visited Ben’s orphanage. The didn’t recommend we go to Maisey’s. It’s probably a good thing. I’m not sure why exactly, but we weren’t even sure we wanted to go see Ben’s. I was so upset at how skinny they both were. Many of the children came and they had the usual baby rolls. Our kids just looked so little. Ben(3 1/2) was 22 pounds and Maisey (2) was 16.5 pounds. I couldn’t see how they could have been properly taken care of. For that reason, I was glad I went to Ben’s orphanage. It was a clean, state-of-the-art building. There were many handicapped children and they were understaffed, but the place was clean and they were trying as hard as they could. I’ve read that in some orphanages the ratio is 25 or 30 to 1 nanny. There are just too many children and not enough help. Ben wanted nothing to do with any of the people in the orphanage. He just held on to Dan and buried his little face in Dan’s neck. I’m glad we went. I know they cared. It just isn’t the place for a child to grow up.
Now we’ve been home for over a month. So much has changed. Ben isn’t fearful. He loves his bath. He shares his food. He will actually turn down food now. Ben says well over 100 English words. He is so soft spoken and so sweet. He holds his hand to his ear (like a phone)and asks to talk to Mema or Nana. He loves to read and build things, especially with Zachary. He runs and plays and is all boy. Maisey has her BAHA and is hearing and talking and signing like crazy. She turned two and had a great birthday. Maisey is sweetness and love and giggles. They have become part of our family so seamlessly. I am so lucky to get to mother these two. All the fears I had have not come to be. People warn you of all sorts of things. I haven’t seen any of them. Life is good. I would do it again in a heart beat. What an amazing journey this has been.
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