Archive for the ‘Maisey’ Category

• Pictures

  Date: 2012.03.18 | Category: Adoption, Benjamin, Maisey

   

  

  Kids playing in the hotel.

  

  A bit of light reading.

  

  Look who loves his hat!

  

  Maisey does too.

  

  Cuddle buddies.

  

  Look at those handsome boys.

  

  Mei Mei’s favorite spot: Mommy’s lap.

• New Pictures

  Date: 2012.03.17 | Category: Adoption, Benjamin, Maisey

  

  “Really Mom? Another picture?”

  

  Benji doesn’t like to hold still for pictures…

  

  Look at that grin!

  

  Reading with Daddy.

  

  Perfecting the puppy eyes.

• 2 more days

  Date: 2012.03.04 | Category: Benjamin, Maisey

  We are so close to being able to leave.  I am so ready to hold them.  I hope they are ready for some major mommying.  Dan has been praying for their peace all year.  He prays that God will let them dream about us so they will not be afraid.  I love that Dan thinks about these things.  He continues to melt my heart in ways I think aren’t even possible.  I have loved him for 30 years now.  Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love him any more, I do.  I am so blessed to be able to go on this adventure with him.  The director of the adoption agency called it “joyful chaos”.   We shall soon depart on a joyful chaos adventure.

  My worst fear during this past year has been that Benjamin would not make it through the year and I would not get the chance to hold him.  All I want is a chance to shower him with love, to hold him tight, and  to let him know just how much his little life means.  These fears have been there in the back of my mind. I can’t really say that I am worried.  I know God is in control.  I know God’s timing is perfect.  I know God’s plan is perfect.  But all things work together for good does not mean it will automatically turn out good.   My comfort at this time, is I know that no matter what happens I can go get him.  No matter what I can hold him.  We are just days away.  I know how very sick he is, but we are so close.  His last medical report states that he hasn’t grown at all in the last year, but he has held on so long and is such a little fighter.  I will be able to hold him in just 8 more days.  My heart can hardly stand it.

  Little Maisey, what a sweetheart!  I love that picture of her that we posted earlier.  I can’t wait to see her run and laugh.  I can’t wait for the day when we get to see if she can get hearing aids.  I’m fine no matter what happens, but I want to be able to give her a chance at hearing.  I want to see her do her first sign.  I want to show her just how wonderful she is.   I want to put her in pigtails, to dance around the room with her, to feel her little head on my shoulder, and her hand in my hand.  I want to shower her with my love and tell her about God’s love.

  I hope people can see just how much Dan and I love them already.  I have had so many people look at me like I am crazy.  I’ve had people say, “You know you could be getting close to an empty house right now.”  In reality, that is not the truth because God willing I will never place Codey in a home.  Besides God lead me to my babies and I can’t turn my back on them now.  It would be like taking one of my others kids to China and just leaving them there.  Not even a possibility.  My heart already overflows with the love I have for them and I have yet to touch their sweet faces.  Waiting is so hard.  Every hour just seems to drag by.  I don’t want to leave my other kids, but at the same time I’m so ready to travel.

  I am so very blessed to be able to call these little ones mine.  I love the way God works.  I love the way He can place a picture in front of you and “BAM” your heart is overflowing with love for a child you haven’t even met.  It is the strangest thing and so hard to explain.  God works in ways that are miraculous and mysterious.  I’ve been thinking about Kyle a lot and what God taught me with his death.  Kyle only lived 5 days but his death changed my life in ways that are immeasurable.  He taught me to never take a moment for granted because you don’t know how many moments you have.  He taught me to not hold grudges and to forgive.  He made heaven very real and death not so scary.  He taught me that there is nothing more important than family.   He taught me that no matter how much it hurts,  in time you will heal.  He taught me how to truly have relationship with Christ.   He gave me courage to love, even in the face of death, and that courage allowed me to love Hope and Benjamin.

  Please pray for peace for my babies – both here and there.  Cassie will be posting the pictures I send her and any information that she has on this site.  Only 2 more days…..

• Be there soon…

  Date: 2012.03.03 | Category: Benjamin, Maisey

  Here’s a thought that will make you want to hug your daughters even tighter and thank the Lord that we live in the U.S.A.  I was on a conference call about our trip to China and they were talking about the opportunities we were giving our children. They were thanking us for giving these children with special needs a family.  He was talking about how hard it is for girls in China, but especially hard for girls with disabilities.  He said they almost never get married and usually end up in prostitution.  Have I mentioned lately that I just want to go get my children?  4 more days until we leave.  10 more days until they are legally my children – in reality they have been for a year now….China just hasn’t agreed until now. 🙂

• I’m so excited (music playing)…

  Date: 2012.03.01 | Category: Benjamin, Maisey

  Guess what?!?!?!? I GET TO HOLD MY KIDS IN 11 DAYS!!!!!!! Yes, I’m happy! Yes, I’m saying my words rather loudly. I actually cried when I read the date. My itinerary says – meet with nanny to get your child(ren) on March 12th.

• I just want to go already….

  Date: 2012.02.23 | Category: Benjamin, Grace, Maisey

  I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about going to China.  They have a little girl (who is as cute as can be) that they adopted from China.  Every time I see her I just want to squeeze her.  🙂  We were discussing how sad and scared her daughter was at the very beginning.  My friend said the very next day when they gave their daughter a second bottle it was a turning point.  She was amazed that there was more food.  That just breaks my heart, especially because Benjamin hasn’t grown in the past year. Maisey is 2 and he is almost 4 and there is only 1 pound difference.  Kids with heart defects need extra calories just to grow.  I think about him there in the orphanage needing and wanting more food and it just makes me want to cry.  I hate that my children have had to fend for themselves.  I’m happy that there was a place for them to go.  I’m happy that people have cared for them, but I hate that this world is so imperfect.  I hate that they were abandoned.  It truly breaks my heart.

  On a different note, I took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill today.  Did my spring cleaning early because I’m afraid my spring is going to be very busy.  We have stuff in boxes that we carted from Iowa City 10 years ago.  As I was looking at the stuff, I kept asking myself why have you held on to this?  Now was a wonderful time to just go through everything.  My motivation?  Watching my mother-in-law go through her father’s house full of 90+ years of papers.  She found papers from the 1920’s.  I don’t want to do that to my children.  Although, the papers were kind of cool to look at.  As I was dropping off my stuff at Goodwill, I was thinking about all the useless, unnecessary stuff I buy.  The gentlemen at the door was talking to Grace about the clothes that were being packed up and how they send some of them overseas to people who don’t have anything.  Gracie was very touched by that.  Grace & I discussed how it’s hard when you see something pretty and you would like to have it, but you don’t really need it.  We should just walk away and see if we even remember it in a week.  How much better would it be to give that amount to someone else?  I have done so many things wrong with my money.  It makes me want to be better.  Which led me back to Maisey & Benjamin, I’m so happy they will soon be part of my family.  I’m also sad that there are so many hurting kids out there without a family.  I may not be able to adopt any more, because the legal system frowns at adopting over 50 – which I suppose makes sense.  I can, however, sponsor some orphans.  I may get up to that 12 child mark that I once talked about in high school.  Sounds like a good goal to me.

• Blessings

  Date: 2012.02.20 | Category: Benjamin, Hope, Maisey

  I’ve been thinking about this lately because I’ve had so many people say “you are wonderful to do what you are doing”.  I’m never sure how to respond to that, especially since no one tells you that “you are a wonderful for doing what you are doing” when you get pregnant.

  I can tell you without a doubt that my 3 adopted children are my children and have been since the moment I laid eyes on them.  It was love at first sight.  With Hope it wasn’t even first sight. Dan called to tell me that he had to ask another resident to go back to a delivery because he couldn’t do it.  He had heard this story about a little girl with a heart defect, the adoptive parents backed out, and the biological mother had decided not to treat her, which meant that she would die within a week or two.  He had been to many deliveries, heard and seen many things, but he could not go to her delivery.  He was attached to this little girl.

  He was supposed to write the orders to stop her prostaglandins.  He couldn’t do it.  Instead he went to the hospitals gift shop.  He called me after she was born to tell me that he had bought her booties and stuffed animals.  He couldn’t stand that her bed looked so empty.  He wrote an order for the nurses to rock her every hour.  He called me and I knew it the minute he said it.  She was supposed to be ours.

  The kids, Dan and I decided to bring her home so that she wouldn’t die alone in the hospital.  We had already been through Kyle’s death and knew we could handle it. Cassie said she didn’t care if she was only here for a day she would be her sister forever.  Cassie got on her knees and begged.  Zach said no child should die alone and without a name.  We knew that we could proceed with the adoption after she died because friends of ours had a child die during the adoption process and in Iowa you can still finish the adoption.  So we knew she would die with our name and she would be loved for as long as we had.  We were prepared. Well, at least as prepared as you can be.

  Once we had decided on that though, the cardiac  surgeon came up to us and said if we would proceed with the adoption, he would do everything in his power to get her through her surgeries. We decided to try.  Dan’s mom even called me the day after I told her about this baby and she said, “How is she doing?  It’s the strangest thing.  I feel like I’m her grandma or something.”  I laughed and said, “Well, that’s good because guess what we’ve decided to do.”  Someday I’ll have to write about all the God things that have happened with Hope.  It should be a book.  She is a miracle, a gift.  Any wonderful thing I did pales in comparison with the blessings that God has given me by letting me be her mother.

  Benjamin and Maisey’s story were my first journals on this blog.  We looked at many, many babies on the CCAI web-site.  I knew the instant I saw them that they were my children.  I can’t explain it.  I can’t explain how God works.  It just was.  I cried when I saw their faces, much like I did after I delivered my babies.  These are my children.  I can’t stand the fact that they were abandoned.  I don’t want to tell them that, but it is their truth.  I can, however, tell them over and over again what led them to us.  How God works and how their lives were meant to be.  They were meant to be my children.  I would do anything for them.  I would gladly give up my life for them.   I haven’t done anything special except love my children.  So if you say, “It’s wonderful what you are doing” and I stare at you like I don’t know what you are talking about – this is the reason.  I haven’t done anything except trust that what God has laid upon my heart is the truth.   I’m so blessed that these children are mine.   Hope is named Hope for just that reason because it means trust and faith.  It’s not hard to trust a perfect God.  When you have trust, have faith, and follow what He lays upon your heart, amazing things happen.

• Reminders…

  Date: 2012.02.19 | Category: Benjamin, Maisey

  I sat in church today and was reminded that God is everywhere.  I know this.  Truly I do.  He is in the big things and the little things.  He knows my thoughts and the number of hairs on my head.  I have seen Him work in so many things during my life.  I have been driven to my knees, at my child’s bedside, begging for “Jesus, Come to My Rescue” (yes, the song lyrics) and seen Him work miracles.  I am constantly blown away by this. I know that He and only He knows the number of days we have each been allotted.  I know that His plan is perfect, as is His timing.  But today the reminder that He truly is every where was just what I needed to hear.  It brought tears to my eyes.  God is not a Father who only disciplines. He is not an angry judge waiting for you to mess up.  He is a Father that can work all things for good.  All things.  That is absolutely, positively mind blowing.

  So today whenever my nervousness or fear raises it’s ugly head, I will hear Pastor’s voice reminding me that God is in control.  That He knows all and would not have placed these children on my heart if it was not meant to be.  I pray that I can be the mother that Benjamin & Maisey need.  I pray that the moment they see Dan & I they can feel all the love we have felt for a year now. I pray that they will be at peace and know that they are loved.

• Waiting….again….

  Date: 2012.02.17 | Category: Benjamin, Grace, Maisey

  I was so happy when they said that we would be leaving on the 29th.  The agency said it was really short notice, but they wanted to get us there as soon as possible.  I didn’t know what to do.  For one thing, Grace has her chemo on the 29th.  I hate to not be there.  In reality, she has done so well.  Her hair has thinned, but she hasn’t lost it all.  She gets a little sick to her stomach, but has only thrown up once.  Thanks in part to Zofran!  Dan will just get back from his work related trip, but we could make it work.  We e-mailed everyone.  We rearranged everything only to have the agency say that we can’t leave until March 7-9.  WHAT?  More waiting? I am so tired of waiting. Yes, I believe in God’s perfect timing.  Yes, I believe in His perfect plan.  Yes, I am still human and am still working on perfecting my patience. 🙂

  The truth of the matter is I do want to be here for Gracie and it is only one more week.  An extra 7 more days.  168 more hours.  Though it’s depressing that I won’t be back for Gracie’s birthday on March 23rd.   It’s her 7th birthday and she is so excited.  What a great gift that would have been….well, I guess will be.   We’ll only be a couple days late.  Then our family will be together – well, almost everyone will be here.  That is a whole other story for another time.

  We are coming little ones.  We are so close now.  19 more days…

• Our littlest girl, Maisey Meilyn (Cupcake)

  Date: 2012.02.17 | Category: Maisey