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2 more days
We are so close to being able to leave. I am so ready to hold them. I hope they are ready for some major mommying. Dan has been praying for their peace all year. He prays that God will let them dream about us so they will not be afraid. I love that Dan thinks about these things. He continues to melt my heart in ways I think aren’t even possible. I have loved him for 30 years now. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love him any more, I do. I am so blessed to be able to go on this adventure with him. The director of the adoption agency called it “joyful chaos”. We shall soon depart on a joyful chaos adventure.
My worst fear during this past year has been that Benjamin would not make it through the year and I would not get the chance to hold him. All I want is a chance to shower him with love, to hold him tight, and to let him know just how much his little life means. These fears have been there in the back of my mind. I can’t really say that I am worried. I know God is in control. I know God’s timing is perfect. I know God’s plan is perfect. But all things work together for good does not mean it will automatically turn out good. My comfort at this time, is I know that no matter what happens I can go get him. No matter what I can hold him. We are just days away. I know how very sick he is, but we are so close. His last medical report states that he hasn’t grown at all in the last year, but he has held on so long and is such a little fighter. I will be able to hold him in just 8 more days. My heart can hardly stand it.
Little Maisey, what a sweetheart! I love that picture of her that we posted earlier. I can’t wait to see her run and laugh. I can’t wait for the day when we get to see if she can get hearing aids. I’m fine no matter what happens, but I want to be able to give her a chance at hearing. I want to see her do her first sign. I want to show her just how wonderful she is. I want to put her in pigtails, to dance around the room with her, to feel her little head on my shoulder, and her hand in my hand. I want to shower her with my love and tell her about God’s love.
I hope people can see just how much Dan and I love them already. I have had so many people look at me like I am crazy. I’ve had people say, “You know you could be getting close to an empty house right now.” In reality, that is not the truth because God willing I will never place Codey in a home. Besides God lead me to my babies and I can’t turn my back on them now. It would be like taking one of my others kids to China and just leaving them there. Not even a possibility. My heart already overflows with the love I have for them and I have yet to touch their sweet faces. Waiting is so hard. Every hour just seems to drag by. I don’t want to leave my other kids, but at the same time I’m so ready to travel.
I am so very blessed to be able to call these little ones mine. I love the way God works. I love the way He can place a picture in front of you and “BAM” your heart is overflowing with love for a child you haven’t even met. It is the strangest thing and so hard to explain. God works in ways that are miraculous and mysterious. I’ve been thinking about Kyle a lot and what God taught me with his death. Kyle only lived 5 days but his death changed my life in ways that are immeasurable. He taught me to never take a moment for granted because you don’t know how many moments you have. He taught me to not hold grudges and to forgive. He made heaven very real and death not so scary. He taught me that there is nothing more important than family. He taught me that no matter how much it hurts, in time you will heal. He taught me how to truly have relationship with Christ. He gave me courage to love, even in the face of death, and that courage allowed me to love Hope and Benjamin.
Please pray for peace for my babies – both here and there. Cassie will be posting the pictures I send her and any information that she has on this site. Only 2 more days…..
