Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
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Seasons of preparation
Looking back now I can see all of God’s handiwork. I can see how every pain, every surgery, every tear cried, every disappointment, even Kyle’s death, led us to where we were meant to be. If you count Dan’s 16 years of training and his 11 years working at Mercy, that is 27 years of training for where God has him now. If you would have told us 27 years ago what Dan would be doing now we would have laughed or maybe even told God I don’t need 27 years to prepare me. I’m sure I’m ready now. We always think we are ready to just dive in, but God’s timing is perfect. God’s plan is perfect. God uses tests to prepare you for what is ahead. God takes you through seasons of trials so you can learn the lessons you need to learn.
When Dan was in medical school, we always thought he’d have a job at Blank. That was our plan. Get through medical school and move back closer to family. Medical school and residency were hard years, but I always had that belief that there was a job waiting for him. We had a child at home, who was trached and on a ventilator, add oxygen, suctioning every hour, and numerous machines going off all through the night and that equals many, many sleepless nights. Then for fun add Dan in medical school, a job on the weekends and a newborn and it was just hard. That is why I find it funny when people mention how hard it must be to have little children at my age. Now my life is easy (well, relatively easy). Dan works from home during the week. Cassie and Zach help out. I can call my mom or Linda (my mother-in-law) and they will be here in an instant to help. I have many, many resources. I can actually get out of the house, alone! I know. I know. SHOCKING! 🙂
So I’ve been through hard. This isn’t hard! Loving a child who was abandoned – NOT hard. Taking a child out of an orphanage and giving them a home – NOT hard! It is a blessing to feel those little arms around my neck and hear them yell mama. I’m blessed in ways too numerous to mention. I have a 4 year old that prays and thanks God for his mama with a loud and resounding AMEN at the end. He runs up to me, yelling mama, waving his arms, and throws himself at my leg, hugging me and saying I love you. Things we take for granted aren’t taken for granted any more. I’m not making light of the cost of adoption or the time spent filling out paperwork or any of the multitude of other things that can happen with adoption. I’m just saying in the grand scheme of things we waste tons of money throughout our lifetime and there are many, many more difficult things in life. Making a difference in the life of a child is not hard!
As I said we planned on Dan working at Blank. But sometimes God’s plans aren’t our plans. Dan wanted to teach residents. He loved teaching. But the job at Blank wasn’t to be. They tried hard to make a job for him at the University of Iowa, but they could only give him limited NICU time and he didn’t want that. He was offered a job at Mercy. He was so disappointed because they didn’t have residents so he wouldn’t be able to teach. It was a hard first 6 months, but then something amazing happened. Mercy was bought out by a national company which runs NICU’s throughout the nation. A few years later Dan proposes an ROP project, he believes in it so much that he trusts God and pushes ahead with the plan. This leads to a part-time associate director job which then leads to his Director job. He gets to work for a national company, teaching thousands of doctors across the nation and the world from home. God knew and Dan followed where he was being led even though he had no clue what was ahead.
I stand in amazement daily at how God has molded Dan into the man he is today. I watch how Dan works with his clinical and quality improvement job. He just thinks differently. He can see something that is not working and find the simplest way to fix it. He was uniquely made to do what he does. He knows first hand what it means to not turn off a machine on your child who is deathly ill. He knows what it means when you tell someone their child will be physically or mentally impaired. He also knows that doctors predictions aren’t always correct. That no one is God and you can’t always save everyone. He knows how important it is to follow protocol and prevent infections. (Almost every time Codey had his shunt replaced he ended up with meningitis.) He doesn’t take it personally if a parent is upset because he knows first hand what lack of sleep and worry can do to you. Dan is uniquely qualified to do what he is doing. Together we have been through a lot. I wouldn’t want to relive those first few months when we lost Kyle and Codey was just so sick. It hurt. My world was turned upside down, but I see now what God was doing. I see a glimpse of his grand plan. I can see a few of those threads of the tapestry that will one day become so clear.
I know if I hadn’t gone through those things, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I wouldn’t have a faith as strong as I do. Those lessons taught me that I can take in a baby not knowing if they have a month, a year or 10 years because I know every day counts. Every life matters. Every life has worth and value. It taught Dan and I that you have to pay attention in the hospital, things get missed, no one is perfect, and you are ultimately responsible for your child. Don’t assume anything. And most of all, make every day count. Tell the people you love that you love them. Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more, because in the end you don’t want regrets. Being right is not the most important thing. Having the most toys is not important. Faith, family and friends is what this life is all about.
I learned that I don’t want a quiet retirement. I don’t want to wait for a bingo night or a study group. I want to spend every day busy doing exactly what God has called me to do. I want to have to rely on God for my retirement because I was too busy spending money on sponsoring orphans and paying for surgeries. (Yes, I am still smart enough to put money in my 401k). I want to be so worn out that I haven’t had a moment to rest. Yes, I did say those things. It is exactly the reason I am praying that I will have 5 kids under the age of 5 when I am 48. It’s exactly the reason why I will follow wherever God leads me even to China. I am not afraid of this world or what it might bring. I am so sure of God’s plan that I will follow no matter how afraid I am that I will lose again because I know it won’t hurt forever.
I have watched things unfold with Dan and his work in regard to China. There are things in plan with Cure Hydrocephalus that are amazing. God’s handiwork is unbelievable. Everything interweaved and working together from years ago to now. We have a heart for children hurting from hydrocephalus because of everything Codey went through . We understand the pain. We understand the agony from shunt infections and blockages. We know how important this is. It is truly wonderful to see something beautiful come out of all of Codey’s pain.
If you are going through something right now, remember that there is a reason. It may not make sense right now or even in 10 years, but if you are being tested there is a reason. Seasons of preparation for lessons God wants you to learn and where He needs you to be. Try to figure out the lesson you need to be learning whether it be patience, forgiveness, working on your anger, bitterness, contentment in any circumstance, but know that sometimes it is just to help you grow to be the person He needs you to be.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…..
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Adoption
I was recently given a suggestion for a book to read by a friend of ours. After she only read one chapter, she e-mailed me because it fit with everything I’ve been feeling lately. I ordered my own copy and it came in the mail today. I read the first chapter and cried. How can you read the words (from the book Adopted for Life), “For a couple of seconds, my mind flashed back to the first time I ever saw these two boys. They were lying in excrement and vomit, covered in heat blisters and flies, in an orphanage somewhere in a little mining community in Russia.” and not cry. Or read the blog of a mother who was asking for prayers for a little girl from Bulgaria who at the age of 12 weighed only 12 pounds. How is that even possible? How can we, with all the wealth we have in this country, let this happen to children?
I know that I have seen the ads and pictures on tv before and I have thought what can I possibly do? But then I went back to my own little world. It wasn’t until I unwrapped my little girl and boy from their bundles of clothing and saw their malnourished bodies that I grasped what it really meant to be starving – both for affection and food. I cried that night and I have cried on many nights since then because of what they endured. Sometimes I can hardly stand the thought that Maisey lay there for 6 1/2 months before she was brought to the Hills. 6 1/2 months of crying because she was hungry. 6 pounds at 6 months. It boggles my mind. Was she even able to cry any more? Did she stop crying because she learned that it didn’t matter? Or Ben who didn’t talk at all when we got him. When he finally talked he sounded like he hadn’t used his vocal cords in a very long time. Did he just give up? Why did they hold on for so long? Why am I lucky enough to get to hold them now. Why am I so blessed as to be able to be loved by these two sweet babies? Why did everything work out for them when it doesn’t for so many others?
If you believe in God, you can’t turn your back on this problem. If you believe in the Bible where it is stated over and over again to take care of the widow and the orphan, you can’t just walk away. If you know there are ways you can help, it is wrong to turn away. As Russell Moore says in the above mentioned book, “Adoption isn’t charity – it’s war.” It’s war because Satan wants us to do nothing or to feel so overwhelmed we think there is nothing we can do. That is why you will hear me say over and over again to look at New Hope Foundation or Show Hope or Love Without Boundaries or any of the many other wonderful organizations. I mention those 3 specifically because I have dealt with them personally and believe in their missions. These organizations are sponsoring families and children in a way that is amazing. They sponsor adoptions, surgeries, nannies, babies in orphanages and more. You can see where your money goes. A friend of ours recently sent money to help a child with a surgery in our families name. Love Without Boundaries in turn sent us that child’s picture and prognosis after surgery. Tangible gifts. I know not everyone is called to adopt. But we are all called to help in any way that we can. I have to say it again. If you are reading this, please pray and consider what you can do. Matthew 25:40 (KJV) And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
There are 147 million orphans some say the number is as high as 163 million. You alone can’t help them all, but you can help one. You can make one child’s life better. You can help feed one child, clothe one child, help pay for one child’s surgery. You can make a difference to one child. It’s the story of the little girl and the starfish….
A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement. She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”
The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference to that one!”
Make a difference for one today! You won’t regret whatever you do for the least of these. I guarantee it! 🙂
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The butterfly effect
This song is so appropriate for what I have been feeling lately. I want my life to matter. I don’t want another day to go by without doing what God is calling me to do.
And I believe God is calling me to do more. I have had people tell me that it is only my emotions, that God really isn’t speaking to me. I can tell you for a fact when God speaks, you know it is from Him. It’s not like I’m hearing voices or God has my cell phone number. I’m not delusional. What it is though is a feeling to the very core of your being. It is knowing something with such certainty, such clarity, that even you are amazed by it. It may be accompanied by dreams. I’m never sure if the dreams are my subconscious living out what I am feeling or if I’m really having a dream based on something God is trying to tell me. Either way when you have one of those dreams, you don’t just wake up, shake it off, and go about your business. It is life altering.
Then in the coming weeks you hear sermons, read devotionals, talk to others and their words all line up with those deep feelings. Things you have heard or read before take on a new meaning and you wonder how you missed it the first time. Things like the song above which hits home or the verse below that was in my devotional.
Luke 12:47-48: “And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” or….
Os Hillman’s devotional stating this – Satan’s strategy is to keep us distracted with the urgency of the moment versus the importance of eternity. Ask God what your priorities should be today. Make His priorities your priorities.
God commands us to take care of the least of these. He states over and over again to take care of the injured, the hurting, the widow, the orphan. Pastor’s sermon this week was on the Good Samaritan. Which made me stop to think, would I stop and help? Would I give money to help? Or would I just say the words “I’ll pray” and then move on and forget about it? It’s not that I don’t think praying for others is important. It is very important! I stopped to really contemplate this a few years back. After that initial moment was gone and I had said my prayer, did I remember to pray again? Truth was I wasn’t as good as I should have been about it so now I write it in my phone notepad. I open it to remember people that I’ve said I would pray for so I remember to pray every day while it’s needed because I’m busy and more forgetful than I want to be. I want others to know that if I say I’m praying for you then they will truly be in my prayers.
Luke 12:47 says that if we know better and do wrong than the punishment is worse. Somehow I missed that verse or it didn’t stick as well as it should have. I’ve heard verse 48 over and over again. Even Spiderman paraphrases it – ” With great power, comes great responsibility”. But being held more accountable because I knew what I was doing was wrong – was a new idea. There is such a thing as prosperity testing. I know I scoffed at the idea when I had no money. Who would be tested with more money? If you could pay your bills and have some left over, where would the test be in that? I’m mean seriously bring on that test, I’m sure I could pass it with flying colors. Well, at least those were my thoughts.
But remember the widow who gave her two last coins? The Bible talks about how that is worth more than those of us who give a little of what we have. The thought of how much is enough drives me crazy some days. Every time I order pizza for our huge family, I think about how another child could have been sponsored. It’s not that I think that you shouldn’t spend money, take trips, eat out. I just don’t know what is enough to give. I fail miserably at not wasting money. I hate that about myself. I look back at things I thought I really needed – only to be discouraged as I’m taking it to Goodwill. Why did I buy it? Why did I waste the money? So many people are doing without and I am being wasteful. I give to others. I help out when there is a need. I care for orphans and give to World Vision. But deep down in my heart I know I’m not doing all that I could be doing. For that reason Luke 12:47 frightens me. I know better.
I often wonder will there be a list when I get to heaven? I believe things will become known to us. That smile you gave to the person at the store, may have turned their day around and you will hear about it. Those Bibles you donated, you will have believers coming to you thanking you for the word. You will see the people their lives touched after they were saved. The child you sponsored will come forward. BUT the other stuff is more scary. Will I see all those people I drove by – the homeless and the hurting? Will I see the people I hurt when I was distracted and unforgiving? Will there be a list of all those mental attitude sins that I did each and every day? Gluttony – too often. Judgmental – more than I care to admit. Envious – it’s too easy to do that. Angry, lazy, the list goes on. I know Christ died for my sins and they are covered, but the fact that they are keeping me from being who I could be bothers me.
I don’t believe God promises me wonderful vacations and an easy life. I do believe He says eternity is wonderful. The blessings will be more than I can even comprehend. I sometimes forget that it’s not about my life here on earth according to the world’s standards. It’s about fulfilling His purpose for my life here. I know people think to be adopting at 48 is crazy, but there are at least 2 more babies that are waiting for me to mommy them. 2 more babies that I should love and protect for as long as I am allowed. I believe this to my core. I’m hoping for more than that. I know that it sounds crazy, but I am so happy to think about more babies. When I was young I had hoped to have 12 children and then I let fear get in my way. God’s plan is much better though. Now I get the chance to have 12 (I do so hope) and I am old enough, with enough life experience, to truly appreciate what that means. I get to have my dream when I thought that dream was long gone. It makes me cry sometimes that is how blessed I feel.
God is calling Dan and I. It’s not just to adopt either. I’m not sure where it will lead but the stuff that has happened on Dan’s end has been amazing. God is truly an awesome and wonderful God. Watching everything fall into place has been truly amazing. If there is anyone who is busy, it is Dan. He works at Mercy; he is the Director of Clinical & Quality Improvement for a national company; he writes articles, journals, and books; and yet, when the opportunity to volunteer for Love Without Boundaries came about he stepped up. He goes above and beyond and I love that about him. God is calling us. I’m excited and scared senseless at what that might mean. We have so many ideas some of which are coming into play. Helping orphans has been laid heavily on my heart and God will provide the direction. There are so many hurting children. If you could see the pictures that I have seen you would cry and have your heart hurt right along with mine. I can’t share most of them because of confidentiality, but I can share one blog that recently came to my attention. http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/search/label/Ruby%20Grace Read the headings The Miracle of Ruby Grace – Part 1&2 and try not to be moved.
Which leads me to where my thoughts have really been lately. I have heard people say I understand about adopting, but my life is so much simpler now. The kids are all in school. Life is good. I don’t think that I could add that to my plate or afford it or I’m too scared. I understand that. Adoption isn’t for everyone. I get that. But you can mentor, volunteer, donate, sponsor a child, etc. There are a million ways to do what God is calling you to do. I just have a really hard time with the “my kids are growing up and life is easy now” statement, because in reality what you are saying is your are more willing to leave a child in an orphanage rather than make your life harder. A hard statement I know, but I believe it. I’ve said the “I’m too busy to…” “I don’t have any money to spare.” “It won’t make a difference.” But none of those things are true. That is why I’m having difficulty with my own life. What am I saying by not doing more? What am I saying by not giving more? You can have an effect that goes on and on – the butterfly effect is what it is called. Dan likes to say you can have a butterfly effect or a maggot effect. What do you want your life to mean? Spread those wings and shower love on those that you can. You never know who’s life you are touching with something as simple as a smile.
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Every day is a choice.
I’ve had an interesting few weeks. It’s hard to put into words, but I’ll try. Dan and I have both had in depth discussions about our children with others. It’s hard sometimes because even if you just start out saying we have 7 (never 8 unless you are standing in a line at a store and you can safely assume no one will ask you to list your children and their current ages) it usually leads to something more. A question gets asked and you explain, but that explanation leads into another child and more explanations are needed and it goes on and on and then people just stare at you. I try hard to keep it short, but that isn’t always easy.
Dan and I don’t see our family as unusual but others do. I don’t walk around all day considering their medical issues. I play with them and teach them and love up on them just as much as I can. But the reality is….
Kyle is gone and my arms will remain empty.
Codey has had so many shunt surgeries that they couldn’t place the drainage tube in his abdomen anymore.
Hope’s ventricle is still gone and she has a major scar down the middle of her chest.
Gracie’s lupus is not behaving as well as it should be and she’s not very happy about not being able to do the usual summer activities – like play outdoors for hours on end.
Benjamin has very few, if any options.
Maisey will always have a hard time hearing and will have to deal with issues from her small chin and misshapen ears.
Every day I have the choice to wake up and see the condition or the child. I choose to see the child. I choose to hear the laughter. I choose to be happy. Some days are definitely easier than others, but I always have a choice. Every day I have the choice to turn it over to God and let Him handle it. I was once told that it was interesting to see the interactions in our house because they knew of all our children’s medical conditions but that we didn’t act like our house was full of sick kids. That was a nice comment.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
The issue I am having now is telling others our story. Last month I bought Benjamin a train at a garage sale. The lady was talking about how everyone looked at the $30 price tag and wouldn’t pay it. She was unwilling to come down on the price because there was over $200 worth of train there. She said she was glad that someone was buying it who understood how much it was worth. She was so upset about having to sell this train set. I almost told her that it was going to a little boy who has been in an orphanage for over 3 years and who was very sick. I stopped though because I hate saying things because I worry that others will think I’m looking for praise. After I got home and was thinking about it, I realized she probably would have felt better hearing who it was going to. Plus, by not telling their story, others who might be encouraged to adopt or to pray for or to support an orphan, don’t get to hear the best part – how absolutely wonderful it has been to adopt. I try hard to make the conversations about how God has worked in our lives. God placed these children on our hearts. God brought them to us. I choose to praise this God for all that He has done.
Now therefore, our God, we thank You, and praise Your glorious name … 1 Chronicles 29:13
Every day with these guys is a wonderful gift. Imagine Christmas every single morning. I just put a brand new sheet on Ben’s crib mattress and he rolled around on it like it was the best thing he had ever seen – laughing and rubbing his hands all over it. He loves everything – bubbles, trains, chicken nuggets – you name it he loves it. He is so thankful every time he gets something. He dances around and sings. It really is the sweetest thing. He runs up to you and says thank you over and over again and hugs you so tight. I am so blessed by being able to love these two (and my other 6). It is such a sweet gift.
Every day you have the choice. What will you choose today?
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
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To show God’s glory
I recently heard a woman question whether something she did wrong was the cause for her baby’s birth defect. I’ve heard many things said about people being disciplined by God. I’ve heard others talk about why God would be punishing someone as if they could somehow figure out God’s reasoning. The funny thing is there are many reasons things happen. It’s not that I don’t believe that God disciplines people – He is referred to as the Father and parents do discipline out of love. However, it just doesn’t make sense to me for Codey to be punished for something that I’ve done and what could Codey, himself, possibly have done to deserve the pain he has had in his life? That boy has been through more than anyone should ever have to go through. I believe things happen to turn you to God, sometimes to discipline, to help you grow spiritually, and all the time to show God’s glory.
John 9: 1-3 As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.
You can be bitter, negative, angry, judgmental, and hate your life OR you can choose to let it help you grow spiritually and wake up each day praising the day that the Lord has made. You can choose to see the beauty on the path you are now on. You can choose to appreciate every step that is made. In life every day is a choice. One of my favorite sayings is Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. I have learned to always trust God and His plan.
Which leads me to my next little tidbit. Dan and I are trying to adopt again. We found a little girl through another agency. She has the same birth defect as Maisey. This is a rare birth defect and to find another little Chinese girl with the same defect is crazy. The way I came across her picture is just so random too. I saw her sweet face and I just knew.
We asked the other agency if we could stay with our agency. The other agency was angry that we wouldn’t switch agencies. It drives me crazy that this becomes a “money” issue when it should be a “we found a family who wants this child” issue. We love the agency we went through, CCAI. They are the number one Chinese adoption agency and they know exactly what to do and they get you exactly where you need to be while in China. We don’t want to switch agencies. Believe me we have heard horror stories of other people and their agencies. I don’t want to be alone in a foreign country trying to figure out what to do.
We called our agency and they told us that they release papers to other agencies so go ahead and ask nicely and see what the other agency would do. So we called and nicely asked them to release her paperwork to our agency. Their response? That they would do everything in their power to advocate to get her a family in the 90 days they have her papers and if she didn’t have a family then they would release the papers to us. Really? She has sat in the system forever and a family wants her and they are going to make them wait 90 days. So I wait. I pray and I wait some more.
In the meantime Dan has come up with her name and her nickname would be Ali-cat. He nicknames all our babies. He wants to name her Aliyah. I’ve had only recently heard the name and I hadn’t told it to him. Where he got it I don’t know. It means “ascend to the promised land”. Another God keeps his promises name. 🙂 So here are my Godcidences the very next day.
1.) Dan runs into a little girl with that name.
2.) Her Chinese last name is AI. I walk out of my room and The Electric Company has a big, bold AI on the screen because it’s the sound of the day.
3.) I want to write to another couple that we met in China about all of this, but I barely talked to them there. I read their blog and I feel like I know them, but I feel funny e-mailing them. What happens? She responds that very same day to my last blog. Considering no one can figure out how to leave a response on my blog I consider that a small miracle. 🙂
4.) Her placement letter was signed the day we got the kids this year.
5.) Her birthday is the same as Dan’s aunt that just passed away last fall and whom all my children miss tremendously.
6.) And some of my devotions that I get by e-mail talked directly to my heart.
A.) Exodus 16:4: …..In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions'” (NIV).
B.) “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9″
C.) What are the things in your life that are mere impossibilities? What are the mountains in your life? Are these there in order to build your faith in the one who can enable you to ascend the peak? Once you know that it is His will for you to pursue, do it with faith. Faith requires action when we know it is He who is leading.
D.) Exodus 14:13-14: “Moses answered the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still'” (NIV).
E.) When we are broken, we see the frailty of human strength and come to grips with the reality that we can do nothing in our own strength.
God is good. God is in control. His plan is perfect. He works all things together for good. If another family is found, I will believe that they were a better family for her. But if after 90 days our agency gets her I will be there ready with all my ducks in a row to get my Letter of Intent sent. I know God is in control and if this works out as I hope it does….I will have another amazing God is so very good story to tell. If she finds another family it will still be a wonderful story, but I want to be her mommy so I haven’t given up hope yet.
God’s glory is all around us if we only open our eyes to what He is showing us. May His glory become ever clearer for you in your walk with Him. Be open to the Godcidences in your every day life. I’m constantly amazed by the ones I see in mine.
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Sharing cuteness today…
We usually say prayers as a group with the little ones and Grace, but last night I had Ben just say his prayer by himself. He folded his little hands and at the end he said “Amen”. He then looked at me and said, “Mama, Mei Mei Amen.” He had to make sure Maisey was included. Maisey yells and throws her hands in the air at the end. She’s pretty emphatic about her amens. 🙂
Today I was sitting copying Facebook posts about Ben to his journal. I was listening to Casting Crowns So Far To Find You and Maisey climbed up into my lap. A second or two later Ben climbs up in my lap and grabs Maisey’s hand and my hand and lays his head on my shoulder and says, “love you mama”. I’m a sap. I cried. I feel like those are the moments that God gives us as a gift for trusting Him. I don’t know any other way to describe just how much they touch this mama’s heart.
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Benjamin
I thought I would share some about the adoption, not to brag, but to let others know just how great it can be. I have had so many people comment on how amazed they are that the little ones have bonded with the whole family already, even Codey. It has been a little over 2 months since we’ve been home. Ben coughs for Codey (those who know Codey will understand this). He runs to the kids when they get home. I can’t explain what it feels like to have them look at you with such love. Ben woke up from a nightmare last night and I said, “Ben I’m here.” He laughed out loud, grabbed my face and stroked it, said “I love you mama” and went right back to sleep. A little over 2 months ago he had night terrors that you couldn’t reach him through and now this. I cried tears of joy. It has been so unbelievably wonderful. It has also shown me just how much we take for granted with our kids. The fact that they trust us and love us so unconditionally is amazing. I didn’t fully get it with Hope maybe because she was a baby when we adopted her. Don’t take things for granted – those little arms around your neck and those sweet, sloppy kisses are an amazing thing.
I also have to share just what kind of boy Benjamin is. Dan and I had to have serious discussions about the ramifications of bringing a child into our family that has such a severe, untreatable heart defect. His oxygen saturations in the 60 percent range. We know his time is limited and that is a lot to ask of your other children, but they were all on board with eager, open hearts. Benjamin is such a sweet soul. Everyone comments on how sweet he is. I am blessed with each and every day that I get to spend with him. It is so hard to explain. Today we went to the doctor to get his cbc to check his platelets. He saw a train sticker and wanted to get it for Garner and then he saw a Dora sticker. He asked the nurse “Please for Mei Mei?” and then he gave the sticker to Maisey. The nurse asked if he is always like this and I emphatically said yes. The thought of him being in an orphanage for as long as he was breaks my heart and yet he is seemingly untouched by the cold harsh realities of that time. The fact that his biological parents abandoned him at 9 months and are now missing out on such a sweet, sweet boy makes me sad. The fact that his days will be shortened breaks my heart if I dwell on it. It just makes each and every day we do have a little bit sweeter. Don’t let fear stop you from taking a big leap of faith – what lies on the other side just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
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Trust
A few weeks ago we were presented with a little girl that had many, many health issues. The physical disabilities I could handle. The many hospital admissions, I couldn’t. We always stay with our kids while they are in the hospital. I just couldn’t do that with our two new little ones. Dan and I prayed and prayed about her and knew that she needed a home where she could have a lot of one on one care. A home that was quiet and our house was way too busy to meet her needs. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, to turn down a child. Dan told me that we just had to trust that God had her family out there. With Benjamin and Maisey, I knew right from the start that I was supposed to be their mama. I didn’t feel that with this little girl. It is still hard because any family has to be better than no family. I decided to trust in the Lord’s plan and turn it over to Him. Tonight we learned that the little girl has found her forever family. I cried tears of joy. I’m just so happy and God is so good!
I must admit that I decided to go along with it and if she didn’t find a family and cycled through the agency again, then I would see what I could do. Why I do this I don’t know. Why I drag my feet after He has showed me time and time again His plan is always right, is anyone’s guess. I am turning it over faster and faster so I am making progress, but boy is it hard to say, “I don’t think I can do this!” I don’t like to admit that I couldn’t give this baby the time she deserved. I want to be able to do it all. It is very humbling to have to say “No” when you know what has been presented to you is not from God. It’s hard to just sit back, do nothing, and trust. As always God is good and He knew who her family should be. I am so, so happy. I love that there are so many families who will take these very sick kids and give them a chance to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. I will continue to pray for this family. They have a long road ahead of them, but her life is about to get a whole lot better. Praise God for that.
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People…
So if you read my previous post, please disregard. It was a hoax. People have been posting on this Warrior Eli Facebook page for years and it was all a hoax. What could you possibly get out of that? This world and the people in it are so confusing sometimes. On that note, we will go to something much dearer to my heart.
It has been 2 months since we have gotten our little people. Life is definitely busier and everyone is figuring out there place in the family, with much more ease than I thought possible. Cassie has stepped up to help out where ever she can. Her oatmeal at night routine is nice (except when Maisey decides to use it as a exfoliant). Zach is definitely the wonderful big brother as can be found by the pink car he bought Maisey. Hope & Grace are the best big sisters. Right at this moment, Gracie is teaching Maisey how to properly bundle her Maisey doll and feed her a bottle. It’s pretty darn cute.
In two months, Benjamin & Maisey have found their place. They are happy-go-lucky little kids. They laugh all the time. They are exploring everything. I love how God brought us children so like our other children. Benjamin is quiet and curious and loves to build and play video games – just like Zachary. Maisey is all compassion and loving up on her babies and reading – just like her sisters. It’s very sweet watching them all play. They don’t hoard food. Benjamin does cry when we pass a KFC (so like his daddy). He loves KFC. Really any type of chicken. We have pretty much given him any kind of chicken he wants each and every day to help him grow. It’s like Hopey all over again. We had to add cream and butter to everything she ate to try and help her grow. Maisey is a different story she will try anything and everything. If she doesn’t like it, she will wait until you aren’t looking and throw it to the dogs, but she will at least try it.
Maisey wakes up laughing and giggling, ready to take on the day. I love that she will probably not remember any of the orphanage. I pray that she won’t. I’m afraid it won’t be that easy with Benjamin. He still has moments of post-traumatic stress like behavior. Sometimes something little will trigger him and his eyes just glaze over and he sobs. It doesn’t happen very often, but it breaks my heart every time it does happen. Once he wet through his diaper and it went through his little jeans, he hid from me in the corner and just hung his little head. We had to tell him over and over again that it was okay. That accidents happen. It happened when he spilled his drink too. He was so afraid. I’m not sure how much trouble he got in the orphanage, but I don’t think accidents were handled with grace that’s for sure.
It seems like they have been here forever. People ask me if I worry that they are delayed. Worldly things and goals aren’t really all that important. You help your child find their purpose in life and lead them the best you can. The best thing you can do is give them a good foundation in doctrine so that when life gets tough they turn to the Lord. In reality, what I want most is to lead them to Christ and build their faith. Then I want them to figure out their purpose, why God has them here, and help them achieve that purpose. The rest is just icing. They will learn their multiplication tables. They will figure out the states and capitals. If it takes them a little longer than others, it doesn’t matter. That is why I love homeschooling. No one judges them on other people’s standards. They are allowed to grow in their own time.
Mother’s Day was wonderful and relaxing. Cassie watched little ones all day. People treated me to all my favorites. Dan got extra bonus points for the best Mother’s Day presents ever….two little ones. Wonder what next year will bring?
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Seriously….why?
Dan sent me a blog that he recently read in regard to one of my new favorite organizations, Love Without Boundaries. I’ll attach it at the end of my blog so you can read it too if you want. It made me stop and think about so many things. I’ve been reading a couple different adoption agency blogs and those blogs contain the saddest stories of these babies just existing in orphanages. One estimate has the total number of orphans at 163 million, it also states that there are 2.4 billion Christians. That is approximately one orphan for every 15 Christians. We have been commanded to care for the least of these. Why aren’t we doing that? “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matthew 25:45 (NIV)
One blog I read talked of a little girl with hydrocephalus that couldn’t get a shunt. I’ve seen the pain caused by not having a shunt. Codey has tapped his head repeatedly and signed please to get on a gurney to get his shunt fixed. If you know how much Codey hates hospitals and stretchers, you’d understand that he was truly in pain. I’ve held him why he screamed out in pain. I can’t stand that babies are just languishing in pain. I read another blog that talked of a little boy who is 6 who weighs 18 pounds because the orphanage malnourishes the children so they are easier to handle. This same orphanage had 11 children die this past year and 30 more were hospitalized severely malnourished. Why is this happening? I sometimes want to not read these blogs and pretend I don’t know what is going on because what can I possibly do about it? It just breaks my heart and my home isn’t big enough for all of them – but oh how I wish it was.
I know adoption isn’t for everyone. I know that it is expensive. It drives me crazy that it costs tens of thousands of dollars to take in a child that is abandoned. Why? Why? Why? How do we change it? What difference can we make? I want to be that squeaky wheel that gets something done. There are so many options though. You can sponsor a baby in an orphanage. You can help pay for a surgery or a portion of a surgery. You can help someone else who is adopting by donating to the cause.
I look at how happy our kids are. They have serious health issues but they are truly a joy. They are an amazing addition to our family. I can’t even begin to explain to you how happy they have made me. Will there be tears in the future? I’m sure there will be. Will there be trials? Well, especially with Benjamin I’m sure my heart will break, but loving him has been so worth it and it’s only been 2 months. 2 short months and my heart is his. Yesterday, he just sat and chanted Mama. He sat on my lap and touched my face so softly over and over again. He is just so happy and so loving and I am so unbelievably blessed. And Maisey….well, Maisey is joy – she’s all funny faces and laughter and just plain joy!
Dan and I both know that God is calling us to do something about this. I wish I could ask God to just send me a memo outlining what I should do and who I should talk to. My writing this blog doesn’t really help because I know all of you know how I feel. I know that if you could help you would. I just need to get it down in writing. This is my way of venting I guess and a good place to put those stories in writing so I remember.
Please keep praying for those babies around the world. Wonderful people step forward all the time to take in the least of these. I read about it on those same blogs every day. There are amazing people out there with great big hearts. Pray for their families and those sweet little kids. Thanks guys!
http://chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com/2010/07/amy-eldridge-of-lwb-speaks.html
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