Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
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Priorities
I find it interesting when people say they’ve always known they would adopt. It wasn’t that I was against adopting, it just wasn’t on my radar for quite a while. Our first adoption, literally came out of the blue. A baby was abandoned and left to die in the hospital, my husband fell in love, and boom we have a baby. Granted not many people were signing up to take a child who was left to die and had a 50/50 chance of survival, but still she was a gift from God.
When we decided that God was calling us to adopt from China, we set out to adopt children that others might not readily adopt. It was our choice. Yet, I have had more than one person say if they were dealt my cards, they would go out in the back yard and burn them. I chose most of my cards so that comment really threw me for a loop. One of my friends wrote the other day about wishing she had comments for those really odd comments that take you by surprise. I’ve practiced for the usual ones. Like when people say I’m a saint, which is so funny. I know that they say it because they want me to be “more than” because it let’s them off the hook, but the truth is I am not “more than”. I’m a normal (well, most days), average, every day mama. Sorry! It’s the truth.
My practiced comment now leads back to being obedient to where God is leading. I’m obedient. I choose to “do something”. It is nothing more than that. I’m still afraid. I still make mistakes. I still don’t get it all done, but I choose to give up certain time wasting things because I don’t have time to waste. I get up early or stay up late to write because I feel that it is important. I am very, very busy most days. I have chosen to give myself a break and not think I can do it all (if you see my playrooms you will understand) . I take care of my children and show them love in as many ways as possible. I encourage friends when I can. I make sure my husband and I stay connected and communicating. I get up early to do my Bible studies before I head to workout (my me time). I workout while everyone else is asleep. I make certain things a priority and all the other stuff has to take a backseat. Those are my choices. I make conscience choices now instead of just letting my days pass. I have chosen to make my family a priority. I have chosen to make helping orphans a priority. I have made the choice to let go of the usual American retirement. I don’t want to golf. I don’t want to take fancy trips. I don’t want to garden. I don’t want to spend the last 20 years of my life trying to fill my time. I want to wear this body out. I want to give so much love that I don’t think I can give any more. I want to help as many children as I can. I want to spread the word and get as many children as I can adopted.
Every day we make choices. Every single day we get to choose what becomes the most important thing in our lives. It’s not that I don’t ever watch t.v. with my family. I do but I choose what I watch and on what days. I never sit down and lose hours mindlessly watching t.v. I don’t get magazines any more because I never take the time to read them. I chose very specific things to baby myself with – a bath, a book, getting a pedicure. If I need a break, I take one.
I think this story portrays priorities wonderfully.
A professor of philosophy stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was full.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly and watched as the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The professor then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They chuckled and agreed that it was indeed full this time.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. The sand filled the remaining open areas of the jar. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar signifies your life. The rocks are the truly important things, such as family, health and relationships. If all else was lost and only the rocks remained, your life would still be meaningful. The pebbles are the other things that matter in your life, such as work or school. The sand signifies the remaining “small stuff” and material possessions.
If you put sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks or the pebbles. The same can be applied to your lives. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are truly important.
We all make choices. Every day we choose. We choose what is important. We choose what we value. We choose where our time and our money will go. I used to think that my children’s educations were the most important thing. I used to take great pleasure in being able to tell people how bright Zach and Cassie are. But I now know that is NOT the most important thing. Being educated is important, but following God’s path for your life is more important. Being kind, considerate, God-fearing, and emphatic are more important than being book smart. Having a good, solid foundation in biblical principles is much more important that being on the dean’s list or going to a private college with a big name. I would rather spend my time saving a child’s life than worrying about the fame and fortune my child will one day have. As I said before, this is my choice. Others might disagree and that is okay. That is your choice.
I love my life. I am beyond excited that soon I will have 3 more daughters. I’m overwhelmed with the blessings of having so many little ones in my house. If I had a full time job and if Dan didn’t work from home, this wouldn’t be possible. If Zach, Cassie, Hope and Grace, weren’t all on board this wouldn’t be possible. If my mom and Dan’s mom didn’t want to help, this wouldn’t be possible. But it is possible. It’s possible because God set up my life to perfectly be able to handle taking in these children at this time. God has lead me to a path I didn’t believe was possible and I am overwhelmingly blessed each and every day for these opportunities.
Everyone has the choice. Every single day you have the choice to be happy or sad. You have the choice to be giving or selfish. Every day you have the choice to be obedient to God or ignore His calling. Everyone has the choice. If you decide to not make a choice, you are still, by default, making a choice. Make your choices matter. Make your life matter. Anything is possible one day at a time, one child at a time, one prayer at a time.
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The Measure of our Society.
The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members. ~ Ghandi
I apologize ahead of time for the length of this blog. It is long. I know it will turn a few away, but there was just too much information. I guess I could have made it a 4 part series or something. 🙂
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about orphans and orphanages. I know you are all shocked by this statement. 🙂 I’ve been thinking about ways to spread the word. You’ve heard me say I feel like I’m preaching to the choir because I know you guys know where I am coming from. I read many, many blogs about others who feel as passionately as I do about adoption and orphans, but there are still so many people who just don’t know what it is truly like to be raised in an orphanage. Even if it’s a beautiful, well-equipped building, it isn’t a family. Every child deserves the love of a family. Could you look at any child’s face and say they don’t deserve love or a family?
I believe people need information. I know 3 years ago I had no idea that there were that many orphans or that the need was so great. Which is why I believe people don’t understand. I believe people just don’t know. I believe they need pictures to go with the stories. Everyone can tell you about the commercials for abandoned dogs, how it pulls at their heartstrings. Well, what if those, that are abandoned, were children? Because the truth is, there are millions of them waiting for a family. I truly believe people want to help. We’ve all seen people come forward to help someone in need, once they knew the need was there. We’ve all heard those stories where we were just blown away by the money people raised for a cause that touched their heart. I truly believe that if people only knew, they would make a difference. “Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” – (David Platt)
Here is one of those orphans faces that have touched my heart. I have watched person after come forward with help for this little boy. I seen people around the world say they will pray for him and try to get him help. This is what I am talking about. People care, people will help, they just need the information. LWB – Yong
We can’t just say we take care of our own. We can’t say that all is fine in the U.S., let’s let them take care of their own. I know you think it is not your problem, but it is if you are a Christian. You do not get to say, “My little corner is fine so I don’t have to pay attention to the hurting 1/2 way around the world.”. But just for the sake of talking figures, let’s discuss the U.S. – there are ~104,000 children waiting to be adopted and ~374,000 Catholic, Protestant and Orthodox churches (google search). Seems pretty simple to solve that problem, 1 child adopted for every 3 churches. That seems like an easily fixable problem. So why are there still children waiting? Because it is not a priority in most churches. Now let’s look at the world – ~147 million orphans and ~ 2.18 Billion Christians (google search). That is one orphan for every 15 Christians. Seems somewhat doable. Do you know how many children were adopted last year? 8,668. ABC News – Foreign Adoptions – Decline So that is .0051%. Even if the number of orphans is much smaller than what others project, that percentage is still appalling.
This is hard for me. Honestly it is. I don’t want to feel like I’m preaching. I don’t want to go out and tell my story. It took me years to talk about Hope’s story because I didn’t want people to think I was bragging about saving a child’s life. But Hope’s story is a miracle. It is a wonderful story of how God touches hearts and changes the lives of people. By worrying about what others might think about me, I was hiding God’s glory and light. I once sat on a bench at the Iowa State Fair and was talking to a stranger. We discussed many things and she actually knew Hope’s story. That was a huge turning point for me. God graciously showed me that her story was being told whether I chose to be a part of it or not.
The truth of the matter is people will judge, people will talk, people will think what they wish. I only have to worry about what God thinks. It took me years to get to that point. What I do is between God and I. He is my judge. Only He knows what is truly in my heart. Which is why I feel like I need to speak out for these orphans. I spent years in church and never heard anyone say anything about adoption or orphans. James 1:27 commands us and yet I never heard anything spoken about orphans in my 45 years in church. Why are our churches not spreading the word? Where is the cause for the orphan? There are a few big churches that are trying to spread the word, Saddlebrook for one. Orphans and the Church But where are the rest? We send out missionaries but what better way to reach others with Christ-like love than to take in the least of these. Nothing shows God’s love and His accepting us into His family as much as adoption does.
I know that everyone has a passion and a heart for different things. I get that. I know not everyone is called to adopt, but does that let someone off the hook because they weren’t “called”? What about the commandments of helping the destitute, the fatherless, the widow? There are many ways to help. There are many organizations that are trying their hardest to take care of these children. You can feed children. You can pay for surgery. You can sponsor children. You can help educate children. The opportunities to help are numerous. Some of the organizations I believe in, are on the links part of my homepage, but there are many, many ways to help.
Recently I came across a magazine called “Earthen Vessels”. The bible verse that goes along with this is 2 Corinthians 4:7 (NASB) But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves… That is how I feel. It is not of me. It’s not that I’m special or I’m strong or I have it all together – it is all because of God. God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. If you think I don’t get nervous when I consider what we are trying to accomplish, you’d be wrong. I’m trusting God to get through this. I can’t let my fear stop me from going and getting my children. I have had people say to me, “You are never going to go on vacation again. You are never going to be able to enjoy coffee with friends. Your life is just going to be crazy busy.” I listen to those things and I think “What would you have me do?”. Would you rather I took a vacation than went to China and got my children? Would you rather I left Ben to die alone in an orphanage? Would you rather I left Min to fend for herself? I’m not sure what they are truly trying to say or if they are just trying to make themselves feel better. I understand when people joke about it because I joke about it too. But people have to know that I do realize life is going to be really, really busy. I do realize this, but I am so excited to start this journey. I know it is going to be unbelievably hard. I know that, truly I do, but I have watched Ben and Maisey this past year and seen first hand what lots of love and some food will do for a little soul. It is an unbelievably amazing thing. So when people say “I’m not willing to give up my coffee or my meeting with friends or my eating out, I have to wonder what they are truly saying?
Back to the magazine, I loved the stories I read in there. Two of the stories are blogs that I already read. Jenny’s Updates and The Blessings of Verity The Blessings of Verity is the blog that tells the story about Katie. The magazine article, Miracle of Katie, really touched my heart. I’ve read her mama’s blog, but I read some things in that article that I didn’t know and it was heart breaking. She talks about Serbian Institutions and talked about a segment from back in 2008 showing what these mental institutions are really like. We know there are still children coming out of those institutions looking like this. If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, at least start at the 1:30 mark. I’m telling you we can’t pretend that this isn’t happening.
I have never been so thankful for Codey being born here in the United States. If you don’t know, Codey has cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus. I know what his life would have been like had he been born anywhere else. I love my son and his spirit. I can’t imagine him living in conditions such as those. I cried and cried watching this video. But I can’t be content and say “Thank God its not my son and do nothing.” These children need their stories told. These children need people to act.
Back in 1995 there was a video made about China’s dying rooms. There is a you tube video depicting this. I can’t watch it. Dan has watched the video but I can’t bring myself to do it. Why? Because Maisey weighed 6 pounds at 6 months. I know Maisey would have died if she had been left in an orphanage. She was rescued but so many more never make it out. As a Christian, I believe that babies go to heaven, so I can find some comfort in that fact, but that doesn’t allow me to sit back and say “It’s okay for babies to die. It’s okay to not pay attention. It’s okay to let God handle this.” God created us to do something.
I pray that your heart will be opened to help someone. I pray that those videos move your heart. It truly is torture. It truly is as bad as the holocaust. Do you really want to be the person who does nothing? Do you want to be the person who couldn’t give up eating out just once a month. Do you want to stand before God and say my house was really, really nice though as God shows you the picture of those children lying in an orphanage slowly, slowly, slowly dying. What purpose did God design you for? Where is He leading you? BIG, BIG questions. Don’t go through life pretending that all is right with the world. Open your eyes and truly see what God wants you to see and then, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
The truth of the matter is we all need to pay attention . We need to open our eyes and our hearts. We can’t be content to just sit comfortably in our easy chairs with our remotes watching hours of worthless t.v. We can NOT do this anymore. When did we get to the point when it was all about me, me, me? When did we stop caring for the least of these? What if God was watching? Because the truth is – HE is. What is your life saying? Truly think about that because I didn’t for a long, long time. What is your life saying? We all like nice things. We all like vacations and spa days and nice new toys. We all do. It is human nature. But is that what you want them to say about you when you are gone? Truly? She always had the nicest nails. She always wore the prettiest clothes. What do you really want them to say? What more could you do? What are your gifts? Whatever your gift is – use it! Romans 12:6-8 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.
We need people to pay attention. We need to open our hearts, our eyes, our pocketbooks, our homes. We need to help those in need. Don’t be afraid. Here’s another mother’s blog saying the same type of thing. Was God Just Kidding? Honestly, my assumption is that you aren’t a bad person. My assumption is you are where I was 3 years ago, unknowing. My assumption is that if you knew children were weighing 26 pounds at the age of 14 – you’d do something. My assumption is if you knew how many children were without a family – you’d do something. My assumption is if you knew that children needed clean water – you’d do something. Well, now you know so “do something”!!!! Do anything! Really think long and hard about this. Don’t just say “Really? There are 147 million orphans? Wow!” and go about your day. Really stop and take in that number. That is more than the population of Texas, California, New York, Florida, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Ohio & Georgia combined. (Wikipedia -population of states in the US) Do something! Anything!! Are you following where God is leading or are you still dragging your feet? I believe in you. I believe that once you knew something you would truly set out to do something. May God bless you and lead you. May He open your eyes to the pain in this world. May He fill your heart with the passion to make a change. May God truly, truly give you a heart that is after His own heart. May He lead you where you need to go so that one day you will hear those words that every Christian should be striving to hear – “Well done my good and faithful servant! Well done!!!!”
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Happy Tears
It is so much harder adopting an older child. There are so many more variables. You know with a baby or a toddler that they won’t remember much or at least that is your hope. Min was abandoned 2 weeks before her 8th birthday. You know she will remember. You know the language barrier is going to be so much more difficult. With toddlers you know you will be able to show them your love very quickly. Toddlers babble and use signs in every day life, but with a teenager it is so much harder. You wonder if she will understand what coming to America means. Will she be sad? Does she understand what her life will be like if she doesn’t get adopted? (In a rural community with no wheelchair accessibility life would be very hard for a 14 year old in a wheelchair.) Is she excited? Will our big family be too much for her? Does she think about us? Is she frightened?
Today I got some answers to those questions. We received an update on Min (Lauren on LWB’s site) and I cried happy tears. They talked about how she is like a big sister to all the little ones in the orphanage. They talked about how quiet, sweet, and well mannered she is. But the very best part is they said she is excited about her family and can’t wait to meet her brothers and sisters. They also let us know that she is learning English and can say Mom, Dad, sister and brother. Here are the some of the pictures she has been drawing. There is a picture of her older siblings, Zach and Hope. There is a picture of her younger siblings, Ben and Maisey. There’s a picture of her mom and dad and finally, a picture of our house. It almost makes me want to paint our porch blue and purple for her. 🙂
Today is a good, good day. I’m feeling blessed and doubly excited. Time can not pass quickly enough. I can’t wait to show her just how much she means to us. Mommy and daddy will be there soon sweetheart.
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Do Something
I’ve recently been added to a Facebook group of parents of children from China with congenital heart defects (CHD). One of the mother’s has created a blog in honor of Heart Awareness Month. You can read these parent’s stories, starting tomorrow, on 28 Days of Hearts.
I’ve been so moved reading these blogs about families who’ve adopted from China. There are a few stories from parents who adopted children not knowing if their children would live long enough for them to get to China to get them. Beautiful, beautiful, heartwarming stories. Our family’s story will be on the 8th in honor of Dan’s dad’s birthday. Papa has been gone 3 years now and how I wish he could have seen Maisey and Ben. He would have adored them.
I’m hoping these stories will move others to step out of their comfort zones and do something for the least of these. It is so hard to explain to others what you feel when you see all those other children waiting for families. It is truly heartbreaking. I hear people talking about adoption and they shrug it off with words like “I don’t have any free time the way it is” or “I just couldn’t jump through all those hoops with the paperwork” or “it just costs too much” and on and on and on. We who have been there and seen first hand those little faces, want to encourage others to do something. We all wish we could do more. We all wish we could help just one more. I’m praying for those whose hearts have been moved and are still trying to decide. Maybe one of these blogs will help you to decide to “Do Something” too!
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One less….
I’ve written a lot about adoption. I’ve repeated over and over my wish for people to come together and make a difference for these children. I actually have another blog all written out detailing some of the really horrible things going on in orphanages around the world. I know that there is a time for that blog, but it is not today. Today I’d like to talk about the littlest member of our household, well, she will be for at least another 2-3 months.
Today I was thinking about what makes adoption so special. The reality is, at the beginning, you wonder “could I love a child that is not my flesh & blood”? Those thoughts don’t make you a bad person, they just make you human. You know you aren’t perfect and you wonder, “what if I care less about my adopted child than I do for my biological child”? What if I somehow treated them differently? Heaven forbid I made it worse for them (as if having a family could really be worse). Doubt is there constantly making you second guess what you could and could not do. Somehow it seems easier when you adopt an infant. They grow up and all they have known is you. Pretty easy. Just the same as having your own baby – but less work in the pushing them out department.
The agency calls and they present you with a one year old, who is labeled as deaf. You pray and ask for guidance but you know from the moment you see her picture, that she is your daughter.
Now here you are in the Registration Office, you’ve had a year of waiting. A year of looking lovingly at that picture, dreaming about what her personality might be like. You wonder before they bring her in if you can be enough. You wonder if she will love you too. You wonder if you will overwhelm her with all that love you have been holding inside for a year. You wonder if you will scare her. You wonder if you can make her see her worth and just how beautiful she is despite the fact that her ears haven’t formed right and her chin is a little crooked. They bring her in and your tears start. It. Just. Feels. So. Right! To hold her, to touch her hair, to whisper how much you love her – it is all so right. She is your daughter. You would do anything for her. It doesn’t take a month, or a year, it happens right away, in truth it happened even before you meet. But when you finally get to hold her in your arms, your heart literally overflows with love.
But things aren’t perfect because you were in fact presented with a two year old. Oh boy – two year olds – they are fun! Delightful, always happy, ready to go along with anything you present them with. HA! Now this two year old doesn’t necessarily have anything against you in particular, they are just being 2 and they do”2″ really well. Add to that a child who has never been taught how to deal with those emotions and it can be a trying few days until you both come to an understanding. There will be many discussion on who is truly the boss.
You still don’t know what her personality will be. She needs time to grow and feel secure. It is just like being pregnant. You dream of what that child will be. You dream of about their personality without really knowing what they will be like. Then that sweet baby shows up and you look into that face and your heart is gone. It doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. It doesn’t mean every day is rosy. It doesn’t mean that life won’t have many, many trials. But what it does mean is you are family. Your baby is loved. You will be blessed in ways you can’t even fathom.
When you adopt a child from an orphanage, things you thought you appreciated will take on new meaning. The pure joy in watching a child truly discover they are secure is unbelievable. When they finally realize that there is comfort when they are hurt, you will be amazed. Everything has greater value to a child who has had nothing. A meal is not to be taken for granted. A second bottle leaves her dancing for joy. Cookies? Warm blankets and hugs whenever you want one? Well, of course, she”ll take those. Something as simple as making cupcakes and adding sprinkles, brings on giggles galore. She talks and she knows she will be heard. She cries and she knows someone cares. She slowly grasps just what family means and she blossoms.
And then day after day she does the most amazing thing. When you pick her up, she just stares at your face. She places a hand on each cheek and tilts her head slightly. She rubs her hand up and down and up and down, very slowly, very deliberately, all while staring lovingly into your eyes. She then says “I wuv you” and lays her head on your shoulder and hugs you as tight as a little two year old can hug. How can you put a price on that?
Maisey is joy. There is no other way to describe her and what she has brought to our family, just joy! Now I will admit that she is 2 and wants her own way and has been known to take a toy or two away from Ben. She can stomp her feet and can yell as loud as any other two year old, but more often than not, she is empathy and caring and joy and everything beautiful you’d want your little girl to be. How lucky am I? How blessed am I? By taking a step past my fears, I ended up with blessings too numerous to mention.
You can’t save every child, but adoption means “one less”. One less child without a family. One less child without the comfort of a home. One less child abandoned and alone. One less child questioning their worth. I believe “one less” is a truly remarkable and unbelievably amazing thing.
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The cost of loving Benjamin
A friend of mine posted a comment about Ben and it got me to thinking about what people really think when they hear that we chose to adopt Ben knowing that he may not live until we got to China, that he may have a year, or he may have 20. No one knows. We know his heart is very, very sick. His oxygen saturations are mid 60’s to mid 70’s. He is very, very blue. Ben’s diagnosis is uncorrected transposition of the great arteries. You can goggle this so I won’t take the time to explain it here. This is a relatively easy fix if you are born in the U.S. and it is corrected right away. I say relatively easy but open heart surgery is always a risk and ALWAYS scary. When this heart defect is left untreated, it leads to pulmonary hypertension and a host of other things.
I’m going to go back a little bit and tell you how our journey of faith started. Dan and I were high school sweethearts. We married young. Two years later we were planning on starting our family. I got pregnant with twins and life seemed so perfect. At 28 weeks, my water broke, Kyle died at 5 days of age, and Codey spent the first 14 months of his life in the hospital with every complication you could imagine. Codey went home trached and on a ventilator. Kyle’s death taught me many lessons about what is important in life. I would have given anything to hold him for a month, a year, or even a day more. I wanted my child with me but I also knew his life had meaning. God didn’t make a mistake. There was a purpose. I keep seeing the threads of this purpose as the years go by.
12 years later while Dan was a fellow in the hospital, he took care of a little baby who was going to be born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). The pre-adoptive parents had backed out when an ultrasound revealed this heart defect. Her biological parents opted to leave her in the hospital and not do surgery. It’s a complicated surgery and the hospital could not make them do surgery. When parents have a child with HLHS, the hospital will present them with three options. These options are a 3 part surgery, a heart transplant or to allow your child to die. They chose to let her die. Dan fell hard for this little girl. He went to the gift shop and bought her booties and stuffed animals; he wrote an order for the nurses to hold her hourly; and he called me. We had a family meeting with our children, Cassie who was 6 at the time and Zach who was 10. We all decided to bring her home and love her so she wouldn’t die alone in the hospital. Cassie said she had always wanted a little sister. She never knew Kyle, but he was still her brother. She would love her sister even if it was for only a couple weeks and then got on her knees and begged for this little girl to be her sister. Zachary said no child should die without love and without a name. We began the process knowing that we could proceed with the adoption even after her death and she would always have a family and a name. It’s a long story and I’ve written about it many times so I won’t say a lot more but we set out knowing we could love this baby and let her go. We believed that she would go to heaven and we would one day see her again. We believed this because we had the truth in black and white. We believed it because we had made it through Kyle’s death and we knew we could do it again. Hopey’s story didn’t end there though, we took a chance on surgery and today she is a beautiful 13 year old girl, and the rest is history as they say.
Which leads us to why we decided to adopt Ben. We had already decided to adopt Maisey, who is deaf, when CCAI presented us with a program that China had recently implemented that allowed you to adopt a second child, who has more health issues, on the same adoption trip. We talked about it as a family and we prayed and prayed and prayed. Hopey, who was 12 at the time, said she would like to adopt a little boy with the same heart defect as hers. We told her we didn’t think it was possible to adopt a child with (HLHS) but we were open to the idea of adopting a boy with a heart defect. Dan always nicknames our children before they are born or adopted so we have a name to pray for. We decided to start looking for our little boy, Tigger. We started looking at the lists of children available for adoption. We saw Ben’s picture and knew he was ours the moment we saw his picture, not knowing what his medical condition was. The second picture sealed the deal because in it Ben was holding a stuffed Tigger. Sometimes God’s signs are subtle and sometimes they knock you up along side the head.
Another family had Ben’s papers when we called CCAI. I remember crying because how dare they have the papers, he was my little boy. The chose not to adopt him and we sent his medical records off to a couple of the cardiologists Dan knows. They all said it was untreatable and had a horrible prognosis, but we knew Ben was our son so we chose to proceed. I remember thinking “What if he dies before we make it to China? Will I still trust God’s plan?” I also remember thinking, “How many days would make this worth it? How many days would I need as Ben’s mama to feel that the joy outweighed the pain?”
I will tell you that it took just one day. One day made it all worthwhile. Ben came to us a withdrawn, broken child who had almost given up on life. A few days of food and love in a hotel room and he was running back and forth laughing. He is such a sweet, sweet soul. I’m going to share this story so you can get a glimpse of Ben’s heart. Ben was almost 4 and weighed 23 pounds when we got him. He ate for the first 2 or more hours when we got back to the hotel. Ben slept with a cup in one hand and food in the other. He cried if you moved his food. He held on to it for dear life, but if Maisey (who he’d never met before) asked him for food, he’d give it to her.
When we first got him, Ben didn’t make a sound. He had night terrors that ripped my heart out. He was so quiet. Too quiet. Ben looked dejected and wouldn’t even cry when he was hurt. Late on day 2 in China, found Dan having to run an errand. When Dan came back and knocked on the door, Ben yelled, “Dad!” It was the most beautiful sound. The very next day he ran up to Dan, hugged his leg and said “I love you Daddy!”. You cannot put a price on that. That same day I tickled him and we heard the most amazing sound – his laughter. Ben has a laugh that is contagious. It is the most wonderful sound in the whole world, truly priceless. Ben makes you appreciate life. Ben finds joy in everything. Ben is the walking definition of love and caring.
My children’s hearts are huge. They have a very strong faith. They are willing to go forward even though they know how uncertain Ben’s future is, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t afraid. It doesn’t mean there aren’t tears. I’ve held my girls on many days and dried their tears because they don’t want to lose their brother. The “what if’s” abound. What if he dies in surgery? What if it makes it worse? What if he needs a heart transplant? Dan and I have asked a lot of them, but the truth is they have learned a lot too. They know you shouldn’t take things for granted. They know every day is a blessing and you should always tell people how much you care because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. They know what is truly important in life and it is not things! We all have our moments of fear and tears. It’s hard even as an adult. Sometimes I just sit and hold him, look at his face and wonder if this will be the day. But I also know I have the choice to be sad and filled with fear or joyous and grateful that I get to love this little boy. I choose joy. I choose a grateful heart. I choose to trust God and His plan.
Sometimes you can’t figure out why things happen or where it will lead or what God’s plan is, but I can guarantee you there is a purpose and a plan and it is perfect. This saying says it all. “There are moments in your life that make you and sets the course of who you are going to be. Sometimes they’re little, subtle moments. Sometimes they are big moments that you never saw coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.”
I’m not any more special than the next person. I hope when people look at my life they understand that my faith is what makes this possible. My strength lies in a God that is perfect and a God who is much bigger than I am. My hope lies in a future, where I spend an eternity with these children and their “whole” hearts. Kyle’s death made me strong enough to adopt Hope and Hope’s life made us strong enough to adopt Ben and Ben’s beautiful life has led us to Evie (she has HLHS) and Elijah (he has pulmonary artresia). I know my children are ill. I know their lives will be shortened. It’s not an “if”, it’s a “when”. I also know Codey was supposed to die on at least 20 different occasions, and he just turned 25. No one can guess which day will be his last only God knows the number of Ben’s days. I choose to turn my worries and my fears over to God. I want to spend my time enjoying being his mama. That is a blessing that no one can ever take away from me. Ben has worth. Ben’s life has meaning. Ben makes a difference. The cost of loving Ben is high, but the cost of not loving Ben is even higher.
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Following God’s Lead
I have had some interesting conversations lately about how we came to know that we were to adopt again. I knew from the moment we left China that God was not done with me. I knew we were to adopt again. Dan wanted to see how everything worked when we got home first, but he has always wanted to adopt more. When people ask me how I knew, I say I am following God’s leading. I have said that I am listening to God. I have said many things, but judging from the looks on other people’s faces, I am not describing it properly. If you say you are listening to God, which in most people’s minds means that I am hearing God’s voice, they think you have lost it. I’m not literally hearing God’s voice but He is definitely making His desires known.
I have to admit I’m getting kind of tired of those “Well, isn’t she sweet, but she’s gone just a little looney.” looks. Even my grandma told me that I was paying too much attention to my emotions, and that was what was leading me. That one made me laugh – my emotions make me want to run away from the hurt and the work I know is coming. It doesn’t make me want to run towards it. I know this isn’t going to be easy. I know if you look at it rationally with all your pros and cons, it doesn’t make sense. I know that on paper it looks like a very bad idea. Where is the sense in adopting a wheel-chair bound, 13 year old who has had very little schooling and knows no English; on top of that bring her home with a 1 year old with PKU with unknown brain injury from the disease; and while you are at it add a 1 year old with a single ventricle who will need surgery right away; and then to top it all off be praying that you are allowed to either, add to this trip or go back, and get the 1 year old with pulmonary atresia. I know what that looks like on paper. You can’t possibly think I haven’t given it every consideration. I have a husband that is trained in everything that can go wrong. We have discussed this in depth, over and over again. I know all of this and yet I know it is right. My heart can be fearful, but still I know when I look at those children’s faces that they are OUR children. I know it to my core. I can’t explain it accurately. I just know it. I know I would do anything for them, including lose my heart and have it hurt in ways no parent should ever have to.
I asked Dan how he explains it. He is a wonderful teacher and he usually has some way to explain it. He said that he tells people that when you look at everything with Ben it didn’t make sense. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to proceed with an adoption when you aren’t even sure that the child will live long enough for you to get him, but that Dan knew to his core that this was what he was supposed to do. He isn’t able to explain it. He just knew it was the right thing to do.
When we first asked the agency for Ben’s information, they told me another family was trying to decide, I panicked for just a moment because I knew in my heart he was mine. I knew it to my core. I remember praying “God you have this all in your hands. You know the plans you have for me. I trust you and I believe that he is supposed to be ours so I will try my best to trust and stay calm and believe.” God gave me a peace that went beyond any understanding. I trusted that if it was meant to be – it would be.
After they sent the paperwork, I was so afraid that Dan would say that his heart wasn’t fixable and it would be just too much for our family. I remember it so well. I would have fought for Ben. I obviously didn’t have to fight because it was what God wanted us to do. I came home from shopping to find Dan sitting there holding Ben’s papers with tears in his eyes. I knew he was going to tell me it wasn’t fixable even before he spoke. Dan just looked at me and said, “I can’t explain it, but I know he is ours and we have to go get our son.” (Have I mentioned how much I love this man?) 🙂
That is the other thing, when Dan and I have exactly the same feeling and we haven’t even been discussing a certain topic, I believe it to be truth. How could it not be true. It worked that way with Lauren (Min). We both saw her picture on our own computers in different rooms and were both moved to tears and ready to go against the rule that we had already made. The rule being that we would NOT adopt older children because it would be too hard on our family. I know I make God chuckle. I can just see Him saying, “Isn’t that sweet? She thinks she won’t be adopting an older child. If only she could see how hard she will be praying for that older child in just a few months.” You’d think I’d learn to never say never. I said “I’m never having more children after the twins.” But I got pregnant while taking birth control and Zachary was the best gift ever. God’s ways are always better.
With Elijah, I am almost afraid to hope. But being fearful doesn’t mean I don’t trust God or His plan. “Even when I am afraid, I keep on trusting you” (Psalm 56:3 CEV). I can be fearful because I am human and a very imperfect one at that. But I know Eli is supposed to be my little boy and Benjamin’s didi. Ben has an attachment to him that is so hard to explain. Ben stops and prays for Eli throughout the day. Ben has dreams about playing with his didi. Ben tells me stories about him and his didi. It’s sweet and it doesn’t make any sense. It has to be a God-thing so I’m going to embrace it, trust it, and watch as God’s wonderful plan unfolds.
The second comment that drives me crazy is when people say that “you’re a saint” or “I could never do that you must be really special”. It’s true, I do love children. I do have a heart for those hurting, but there is nothing overly special about me. What I am though is obedient. Obedient to God’s calling. Obedient to following His lead. Obedient even when I’m scared to death. It’s a wonderful place to be when you believe in God’s plan so much that you just want to follow it. If you too are feeling a tugging at your heart, listen! If you are being shown something over and over again, pay close attention, even if it doesn’t make sense. Whatever it is that He is showing you, be open to His leadings. Blessings abound when you follow His call. Blessings upon wonderful blessings. I can’t guarantee you won’t be hurt. I can’t guarantee you everything will turn out fine, but I can guarantee you a peace that exceeds all understanding even when trials lie before you. Listen. Trust. Follow. Be obedient!
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Preaching to the choir
Sometimes I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over again about orphans, but my heart just hurts for them. I just saw a figure that said every 18 seconds a child becomes an orphan. It’s tragic. It’s sad. It’s unbelievable. It’s overwhelming. I know that my friends and family who read this blog know and understand where I am coming from. I apologize for the repetition, for preaching to the choir so to speak. I try to use my blog to inform people, to show God’s glory and to journal what I am thinking. This blog has become a place for me to store information that I want others to know and information that I may want to retrieve later.
I have been reading tons lately about the plight of orphans around the world. I have read comments from people who stated maybe God closed the adoption of orphans from Russia so that we would pay more attention to the children who need to be adopted here in the U.S. These are stats from a friend of mine “Well, a quick Google search told me that at one estimate there are ~104,000 adoptable children in foster care in the US. Another Google search just as quickly told me there are ~374,000 Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox congregations in the US. It certainly doesn’t take a math genius to see that US Christians could very easily take care of every single adoptable child in the US even if not every congregation chose to participate.” Yes, we need to care for those children who need to be adopted and fostered here in the U.S., but I don’t believe it is an either or thing in regard to adoption. I absolutely don’t believe it is a God thing. I believe it is a political thing. I believe it is an evil thing! I believe it is most assuredly a Satan thing! But the wonderful news is that God can use this horrible thing for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God…. God can show people what is really going on. As this gets more and more press, it brings to light what it is really like for orphans around the world. Newspapers all around the world are carrying this story. Just like with the horrible fire in the Henan Province in China, as more and more gets brought to light and it convicts people’s hearts, maybe things will change. I pray that good will come out of these horrible things.
I truly believe God doesn’t want us to only care for those in our country. John 3:16 states “For God so loved the world…” or Mark 16:15 “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world….” Verse after verse talks about His love for the world and He clearly states how he feels about us helping those in need.
I was talking to my daughter, Cassie, about this. She came back later and said “What if God had only decided to save His chosen people? What if God had said, ‘I will save Israel, but the rest of you can deal with things on your own.’ Where would we be then mom?” But that isn’t what God did. John 3:17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. We can not keep our eyes on our own little corner of the world. We can not pretend these atrocities aren’t happening.
Orphanages in Romania have children that are hidden away, in concentration camp like settings, starving to death. This isn’t an exaggeration. You can go to the “No Greater Joy Mom” blog and read more about it. If you don’t take time to read the blog, at least scroll down and look at the pictures. ( if-not-us-then-who.html .) Unfortunately, there are many blogs, just like hers, that show what is going on. Her family is adopting a little girl, Hasya, who is 14 and weighs under 25 pounds. How is that even possible? I have a very skinny 4 year old who weighs 26 pounds. I can not imagine that weight on a 14 year old. I hear about how many children die in orphanages as infants. I feel overwhelmed and unable to help but I know that is not the truth. God wants us to speak up. We can’t be quiet any longer. We can’t pretend because it is happening some where else that it doesn’t matter. We can’t keep closing our eyes and our ears to the truth. We have to take a stand. We have to start some where, one child sponsored, one family supported, one more story shared so others can know the truth. James 1:27 says Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…. That is pretty clear. The fact that there are over 147 million orphans in the world means we have failed as Christians. How did this happen under our watch?
We Americans believe everyone in the world has the same appreciation and respect for life that most of us have. That is not the truth. In Russia a family had to fight to adopt their son, who had Down Syndrome, through the Russian Supreme Court, because the Judge ruled he was unworthy of a family. There is story after story of children who were deemed unadoptable by orphanages or unworthy of a family. We should be fighting for these souls who can not speak for themselves. Proverbs 31:18 “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”
I recently watched a video on Vimeo entitled “I Like Adoption”. It’s a wonderful story about a family that sees the worth in every child. Here is a quote from that video: “It took me decades to figure this out. There’s no physical thing that you can buy that’s actually going to give you true peace and happiness. The pure joy that will come from a rescue and a ransom of a child’s life is probably the most satisfying thing you can imagine.” – Dennehey
It’s true. Material things fade, break, go out of style and are forgotten. But a child’s life is an amazing thing. With love and care and encouragement, who knows where their lives will go. Who knows whose life they will touch. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t pretend it isn’t happening. Tell their stories for them. Demand that things change. Stand up for a child in need. Spread the word. Don’t be afraid to take that step that will change a child’s life forever. “One smile, can start a friendship. One word, can end a fight. One candle, can stop the dark. One person, can change a life.” – unknown
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Baby Update
Today we received notice that CCAI got our Letters of Acceptance (LOA) for Min and Lainey. China, unfortunately, forgot to send Faith’s. We will hopefully receive hers in the next couple days. It will be delayed a little bit because their offices are closed tomorrow too. Once you have the LOA, it means that you get to travel in the next 11-15 weeks. It’s the next BIG step and we are very excited. Looks like, if all goes well, we will travel in late March or early April. Faith’s 2nd birthday is March 25th. I’m hoping we get her by then. I’m not disappointed that it is delayed because God’s timing is always perfect and I believe there must be a reason.
We are still trying to decide on a name for Min. She is called by the American name Lauren on LWB’s page but she has not been called that name in her orphanage. It is much harder choosing a name for a teenager. We may make her name Jasmine Shuang. Her Chinese name is Min Shuang. That way we can call her Min or Shuang or whichever name she chooses. Jasmine means “gift of God” – which seems very fitting. I wish she could just tell me whether she wants an American name or to keep her given name. We are still debating a couple of names. We have to decide soon because it has to go on her immigration forms.
On the subject of names, we have been going back and forth on whether to call Faith – Faith Evangeline or Evangeline Faith. Everyone has started calling her Evie which seems fitting somehow. It’s funny we started out with Maisey’s name being MeiLyn and then it somehow got changed to Maisey MeiLyn. I love how names slowly evolve and fit the child. It’s been a fun process.
I just wanted to share our good news with everyone. We are getting closer. Although, sometimes it seems to be taking forever. I’m trying hard to be patient. (Not my strongest suit.)
Here are the newest picture of Min. In one, she has the teddy bear we sent her and is sharing the candy we gave her to share with the other children. In the other, it shows her new English tutor helping teach her. What beautiful pictures. I can’t wait to meet her and let her know in person how much she is truly loved.
Happy New Year everyone!
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Why I talk about orphans
You might wonder why I talk the way I do about orphans? I have to admit it wasn’t even on my radar a few years ago. I had no idea the vastness of it all. 147 million orphans? How is that even possible? I had no idea the conditions orphans were living in. I had no idea how many children were hurting and alone. I figure if I had no idea then others probably haven’t heard the numbers either. I believe when others hear the stories they will be moved to do something too. There are so many ways to help even if you haven’t been called to personally adopt.
Now that Dan and I know about the House of Hope, Show Hope, CCAI, and Love Without Boundaries, we want to share what they are doing. These are organizations that we have dealt with personally and we want to get the word out there to others who may want to help too. There are many different organizations that no one even hears about. Take LWB for instance, they have 11,000 likes on their Facebook page. That is a respectable number but why does something like Skylanders (A video game that my daughter loves – that is why I chose it.) have 347,000 likes? Because the word is out there. Because people are talking. Which brings me back to what I am saying, I believe more people need to talk about this crisis, Christians especially. We need to open people’s eyes to the plight of orphaned children here in this country and around the world. James 1:27
We need to spread the word. I’m blessed to be able to be part of a story like my Maisey’s. She weighed 6 pounds at 6 months and the Hills took her in and saved her. Maisey is a fighter and a blessing. I am amazed and so thankful for the work the Hills are doing. They are bringing comfort to those children who would otherwise have died, alone and afraid. They are saving those children that they can. You can read more in the book the House of Hope. Maisey is their 1,000th baby, Chaya. You will be moved by the Hill’s story and your eyes will be opened.
LWB is taking children into their healing homes and helping them get their cleft lips fixed and their little hearts fixed in hopes that they will someday find their forever family. But just in case they don’t find their forever families, LWB is getting these children into foster homes. LWB is providing schooling. We take a lot for granted in this country. We just assume it is the same every where else. It isn’t! In some of these countries unless you have the money you don’t get medical care and education is a privilege not a right.
CCAI, the adoption agency we used, is amazing. They are the number one agency for Chinese adoptions. I can’t say enough good things about them. I just read Lily’s story in the book Bound by Love. It is heart wrenching and a history lesson in China all at the same time. You turn to the back of this book and see the names of all the children they have helped find forever families. They are over 10,000 children placed now.
Maisey is one of the reasons why I’m trying to spread the word. Because she was abandoned on a stairwell in a building. She was left because she was a less-than-perfect girl. Even in the orphanage she wasn’t worth the time it took to feed her properly. She was abandoned and alone, but the Hills saw her worth. They took the time to feed her and help her grow and because they did that I get to be greeted everyday by this little face.
Maisey is beautiful and animated and such a joy to have as a daughter. She is full of energy and adventure. I am blessed everyday to be greeted by her huge hugs and her joyous laughter all because someone else saw her worth. Why wouldn’t I want to share a story like that?
Please won’t you consider opening your heart to an orphan? Sponsor a child in foster care. Sponsor a child’s surgery or schooling. You can go to the links on the right hand side of the home page on my blog to learn more.
Help a family that you know who is adopting. It is a serious leap of faith to go into the unknown and it is so expensive. What if everyone in your church donated $10 towards a family in your church that you knew was adopting? What a difference we could all make just a few dollars at a time. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t pretend that you haven’t heard. Make a difference. Open your heart and change the world – one child at a time! I can guarantee you you will not regret helping a child in need.
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