Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
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As ready as we can be….
Little did I know, over a year ago, when I had that feeling God wasn’t finished with us and adopting, that it would lead to these four beautiful souls.
We have filed all our papers and the very last check has been sent to our agency. We have spent months, upon months, upon months, praying and hoping that all would work out the way we hoped. We have watched God unfold miracle after miracle on our behalf and we are feeling blessed beyond measure. We have dreamed and cried and laughed with joy with each new update including the newest picture of Ben’s didi, Eli! Isn’t he the sweetest little guy?
We have put together five little booster seats…..
along with five little beds….
And before anyone says anything about it looking like an orphanage or wondering why all the beds would be so close together. I feel the need to say that when Ben and Maisey came home they wanted to be in the same room. Plus, every time I place the beds in different positions in the room, this is what Ben does. He pushes them all together and tells me who will sleep where and how he is going to hold everyone’s hands and then he yells, “Mama, this is gonna be so much fun!” We have six bedrooms in the house. There is more than enough room for them all, but this is how we are going to start out…..together, having so much fun!
We have added a mural to their bedroom wall….
We have bought three new car seats…… and I have answered “No, I don’t need gift receipts. Yes, they are mine. No, I’m not crazy!” more than a few times. 🙂
We have packed all our suitcases and are hoping we haven’t forgotten anything.
We have added on Cassie at the very last minute due to our agency’s request. Believe it or not with a week in which to do it, she got her finals moved and taken, her work covered, her visa, the tickets are bought, and she is packed.
The siblings are excited….
The countdown chart has been made. Dan told Ben that we were going to China to get our treasures and somehow Ben has decided we are traveling on a pirate ship.
The have gotten in their bonding time with daddy…..
Everyone adores Zachary so I know they will be loved and well cared for.
So there is nothing left to do, but bid you all adieu.
What’s to worry about….earthquakes, nuclear war, bird flu?!?! Nah, God’s got it covered.
Thank you so much for all your prayers, well wishes, encouragement, and offers to help while we are gone.
God bless you all!
In just two short days, we will be off on our great adventure to bring four more children into our family. It is our greatest wish to give them a warm place to fall and love for the rest of their lives.
Ben’s conversation with me today says it best:
Ben – “Mama, Eli is going to say xie xie (thank you).”
Me – “Why would Eli say xie xie Ben?”
Ben – “Cause he gets a mama, mama.”Every child, even one who has never had one, understands what a mommy and a daddy are. Family is a beautiful gift that should be every child’s right. So we leave the comfort of our home and our children, to head half-way across the world to give that right to four more beautiful souls. God is good and we are blessed!
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Miraculous happenings.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
My Facebook post from today:
We went ahead and planned our consulate visit for the girls and set our travel based on their schedule. We didn’t want Min to have to wait any longer than necessary since she is so close to aging out of the system. (In China once you hit 14, you are no longer available for adoption.) She will turn 14 on June 1st. We took a chance that they might not be able to get Eli’s Article 5 and travel approval (T.A.) granted in time to have the same consulate appointment as the girls, which would mean extra days in China waiting for his consulate appointment. When we asked the Consulate if they could hold an appointment for him, they told us not without a T.A. So we decided to proceed and left the details up to God. He’s done a pretty good job so far this year. Today we heard that T.A. has been issued and the consulate appointment is the same day as the girls. This has been a year of miraculous happenings all around. Feeling very blessed today. We get to travel and get them all at the same time without delays! If you’ve never adopted you may not understand just how miraculous this is but I can assure you the delays in paperwork are mind boggling sometimes. Believe me this is huge!
I just thought I’d share an interesting tidbit of our adoption journey.
Here is an excerpt from the June 2012 newsletter that we read with Eli’s (Warren’s) information. This is the picture that I fell in love with.
“This week we ask for prayer for a family for Warren who has a complex heart condition that the surgeons say he may have a chance of some surgeries if he is adopted to the US. Please pray that a family would be willing to adopt sweet Warren to give him the best that life can offer despite his condition.”
And the very next month here is what the newsletter said:
“Prayer Request for the month: Last month we asked for prayers for a family for Warren and we rejoice greatly for answered prayers. We hear that a family in the US is very interested in adopting him and we hope that everything will go smoothly and quickly for him.”
Why did this news change? Well, because we asked about this sweet, little guy. I mean seriously….just look at that face. Would you not fall in love too? I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. When we got the papers from his orphanage, they described him over and over again as handsome and charming.
And later we read this amazing news in Show Hope’s July newsletter and all the while I was reading it I was thinking “No, you can’t advocate in this newsletter for a family for Warren because his mommy and daddy have been found.” And then I prayed….a lot! Hoping that we would be the family that would be allowed to adopt him. All the while Ben was calling this little boy his didi (little brother), which made absolutely no sense.
“We ask for prayer that a family will be able to adopt sweet Warren so that he might be able to have the chance of surgery and the best that life can offer him,” shares Dr. Joyce Hill, who oversees the Show Hope Special Care Centers.
Maria’s Big House of Hope, located in the Henan province, has provided care, love, and medical attention for 500 children with special needs. Within all three Special Care Centers located throughout the province, Show Hope has provided life-giving care for more than 800 children.
“Warren, as the 500th child to come into care at Maria’s Big House of Hope, signifies the hundreds and thousands of children we hope to care for in the coming years, thanks to the generous support of so many amazing donors and supporters,” shares Scott Hasenbalg, Show Hope’s Executive Director. “We have the amazing opportunity to watch miracles happen as children who had no hope become stronger, healthier and happier children. As more donors join this work, we hope to open even more Special Care Centers as soon as we are able.” (Show Hope)
Eli was our own little celebrity. I find this whole thing ironic. The reason that I chose to adopt in the first place was that Mary Beth Chapman just happened to write a book. Choosing to See I had been wrestling for quite a while with the fact that Dan wanted to adopt again, but I felt like I was too old. In the book, Mary Beth’s daughter asks her if it is better for an orphan to have an older mother or no mother at all. I read those words, cried, changed my opinion and we proceeded with our adoption. This little boy that I fell in love, (Warren/Eli) had been cared for in Maria’s Big House of Hope, which is named after the Chapman’s daughter Maria who had been killed in a tragic accident. And then another amazing thing happened (another sign of God’s humor and His work in all of this). After we had been home with Maisey for a few months, we learned some information about her. She was a little celebrity in her own right. She had been written about in a book. The House of Hope Our little Maisey (Chaya) was New Hope Foundation’s (Hope Foster Home ) 1,000th admission. If you sponsor a child in this home, it goes through Show Hope too. Coincidence? A twist of fate? I choose to believe otherwise. I know whose hand has been all over our adoptions. What are the odds that we would be blessed with being parents to both of these “milestone” children who had been cared for by Show Hope which is helped by the very people (The Chapmans) who sent us on our adoption journey to start with?
In life, if you take the time to look, you will see God’s hand in the smallest of details. Things that we think are unimportant or don’t matter, add up to bigger things down the road. A book read, a detour in the road, your pain, a delay, they all can be part of a bigger plan, a bigger purpose. “It’s incredible to realize that what we do each day has meaning in the big picture of God’s plan” ( Bill Hybels ) Do everything as unto the Lord because you never know which part of your seemingly ordinary day is just waiting for God to make it extraordinary.
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STUCK!
I should have waited for my “Wow….Just Wow” title or maybe I just need to brush up on my vocabulary skills….
I went to the STUCK documentary tonight. Before I start I want to get the most important part of this blog out there. If you feel like you want to do something to help the orphan and you feel helpless to do anything, take a moment and go to Petition for Change or text 67463 and sign the petition that they will be presenting to Washington on May 17th. Be part of the squeaky wheel and let’s get something done!
I knew it was going to be heartbreaking. Talking about orphans and seeing their plight always hurts. I wondered if others were having the same reaction I was. I mean there were so many parts in the movie that hit home for me, a child that would age out at 14 and what that really means, a daughter who weighed 6 pounds at 6 months, failure to thrive, rotted teeth, shaved heads, sleeping on boards, crowded rooms, and all those faces you leave behind, just to name a few. Add to that the fact that a couple of my children would have died in those facilities, well, it was more than I could take.
As I looked around the room, I saw many, many tears being shed. Obviously others were touched too. I couldn’t tell whether it was the movie or because many in the room had already adopted and the memories were just too much. Many were there, just like us, wanting to see what they could do to raise awareness for the orphan. I wondered about the others who were there that have been contemplating adoption, would this movie make them think twice? Would they be fearful that they too would get stuck? Would it change their mind for the worse or the better?
I know that these movies and articles like the one from Mother Jones have a place. The sad reality is that there are people that don’t do it for the right reason. I had a person comment on my last post and it really opened my eyes to what is happening in some places. The other really horrible reality is sometimes people get “stuck” like in the movie. These stories need to be told so reform can be made. I get that, but at the same time in a country where the rate of adoption has plummeted in the past few years, it makes me wonder how much worse it is going to get before it gets better. That is why I mentioned the petition, we need to start somewhere with reform. We need to make a difference for these children. We need to make people understand. Those of us who have been there know. We are their only hope and their hope is fading.
Tonight I was disappointed in the town of Des Moines. In a state of 3 million people and a town of over 200,000 people we weren’t able to sell out a 342 person theater. There were two churches sponsoring it, so it makes you wonder why wasn’t it full of people. Or the fact that many who were there have already adopted, well that lead me to what I often say…..people don’t want to know because if they know the truth, they have to do something about it. You can’t watch this documentary and not have your heart touched. Or maybe you can. I don’t know. Why don’t you give it a try and let me know. It is $12.99, not a lot in the grand scheme of things. Plus, your money goes to a good cause. So what do you say? Get a few people together, have a showing, and educate yourself on what it really means to be an orphan. I’m attaching their website here. Let me know what you think. STUCK
I stayed after to ask Mr. Juntunen a question. What was that thought provoking question you had, Lisa? You were wondering right? No, well, humor me. Please. It’s late and I just cried a lot and I want to go get my children and it’s been a long day. At the end of the show he said I bet you are wondering what you can do. People shook their heads yes and he responded with spread the word. Get on Facebook and let others know. If your friends share and their friends share, the squeaky wheel will get heard. I understand that, but I have been doing that. I’m trying to spread the word through my blog. I’m trying to share with my Facebook friends, but often I feel like I’m preaching to the choir. I know you guys care. Really I do, but then I started thinking about who really reads my blog? Do people really take it to heart? I’m not the most eloquent speaker. I wish I had the ability to really tell a story in a beautiful way, but mostly I just write like I was talking to you in person. So my question was….”What can I do now? I’m already spreading the word. I’m already talking about it. I want to be able to do something. Please tell me what more I can do.”
I want to fix it. But the truth is there’s nothing we can do unless some government official, in some foreign land, that values the life of an orphan very little, suddenly thinks that an orphan deserves to be heard. An orphan adds no money to the economy. An orphan has no family name. An orphan can barely get fed or get an education. How in the world are we going to make a high up official give a lick about a nameless orphan? If a file sits on a desk for months, they don’t care because they don’t see the dejected faces. They don’t see the parents pain. They don’t see the child slowly start to fade away. They really don’t care.
And then I started to think about tonight. In a town with 215 churches (counted from the yellow pages), we couldn’t get one family from each church there to fill the theater. If you go to STUCK’s site and look at the petition, you will see they still need 988,000 signatures. Read the petition. It isn’t asking for a lot. It is asking for people to pay attention to the plight of the orphan. It says that every child deserves the love of a family. Seems pretty reasonable. How can that petition not get enough signatures? Who could be against that? Are we all so complacent and uncaring that we can’t be bothered or is it just that we don’t know about it? The sad, sad reality is that we live in a very prosperous country with millions of Christians. If we can’t get Christians who are COMMANDED to take care of the orphan, to care, how can we possible expect a bureaucrat to? Think about that for a while. It starts with us. We can’t fix others until we fix ourselves.
One of the things that has been most interesting to me on our journey is how many people guess we are people of faith because of what we are doing. People in China know we are Christians because we have chosen to adopt the least of these. Many people have asked us that question. They get it. People here in the states do the same thing. When you talk about taking in children that are vulnerable, that have limited life spans, that aren’t the typical cute, cuddly baby, people notice. I didn’t set out to make a point with our adopting. I set out to adopt the children God lead us to. But the truth is you can talk the talk, but your actions speak louder than anything else in your life. What are your actions saying? What is your life saying is most valuable to you? What are you showing others? Take a moment and educate yourself about what it is truly like for an orphan. Take a moment and ask what you are giving your time, your money, your passions to. Then please take a moment and sign this petition. Make a difference. I truly don’t know what if anything it will end up accomplishing, but what a beautiful thing to be able to see in black and white. A million names standing up for the orphan. A million people in America could really, really make a difference for the fatherless. This is true religion. Not hypocritical, not judgmental, not name calling, not angry, not excluding, but TRUE religion. We have all been adopted into God’s family. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Let’s show the world what Christians can do for the least of these.
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Wow! Just Wow!
After talking with a friend, I felt I needed to clarify what I wrote a little bit. I am not talking about the adoption agencies, I don’t know these specific families, I know nothing about adoptions in Liberia, or the Magazine Above Rubies, but what I am talking about is how the church was portrayed. The title says it all “Orphan Fever: The Evangelical Movement’s Adoption Obsession”. The number of adoptions have fallen drastically in the past few years. The last thing that needs to happen is for people to be turned off even more to adoption. The truth needs to be told. There needs to be lots of information on all sides. There needs to be safe guards in place to protect all who are involved. There needs to be lots of support for the child and the family. But really….how can anyone say that the church is wrong for promoting adoption of the orphan?
I recently read an article by Mother Jones, that many are talking about, called “Orphan Fever”. I read this article and was livid. It makes me angry that people would take something that is good and pick the worst possible scenarios and act as if that is the way everyone who is a Christian feels about adoption.
I have always taught my children that when they become instantly defensive or angry about something they need to look closely at why they became so angry. Is it because there is a grain of truth to it and you need to change something about yourself or is it because something truly needs to be defended? I was obviously upset about this article so I started to look at the reason why I was angry.
One of the reason I became so angry about the stories in that article is because there are supposed to be safe guards in place to protect against this kind of thing. No child should end up in a worse situation after being adopted. The article makes it sound that way for the first family. My children will be loved and we have more than enough love, resources, people, and abilities to care for them so I know that wasn’t it.
Another reason is because the article makes it sound like Christians aren’t adopting because they love the child but because they are trying to evangelize them. I know that doesn’t apply to me. It’s not that I don’t hope that my children will be saved, in all honesty I do, but that isn’t the main reason we are adopting. We set out to adopt our children after having a true sign. We knew these were our children. Each time it was a little different but it was a sure sign. We loved these children.
There were many other points in that article that had no bearing on why we were adopting. So one by one I ruled out the reasons why I would take it personally.
Which lead me to the real reason it made me so angry. It made me angry because it shines such a poor light on why the church is promoting adoption. One of the things I want to do most in the coming years is show the church why it is so important to promote and support adoption. Many people feel unable to adopt because of lack of support or lack of money or lack of guidance and just plain fear. God says in James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. The church should be helping people see the need and God’s calling for adoption, but Satan is a crafty little fellow. He decides “Let’s make adoption and Christians look bad. Let’s really scare people away.” It’s hard to believe that this could be done yet this article does it. That is why I was so angry. It takes away from what the church is and should be doing. How can trying to help orphans find a family be a bad thing?
Satan loves to use things like this to make us fearful. Fearful of what others might say. Fearful of what others will think. Believe me I know. I’ve talked about it a lot lately. In my post about keeping my eyes on the Lord. (Blog Post) And I recently posted about people questioning my daughter about our adoptions. (Blog Post)
I am beyond thrilled that God has led us to these children. I realize that our family is unique. I realize that this is out of the norm. It just breaks my heart to hear others question it. Let me rephrase that, I understand if someone is truly asking questions because they want to know. I’d love to give you statistics. I’d love to give you a glimpse of just how bad institutional care is for a child. I’d love to share with you what I’ve seen and how my heart has been forever changed. I’d love to tell you about how God has led us to these children. I’d love to share with you just how blessed our whole family feels. But I know that many of these questions aren’t asked because the person is feeling inquisitive or truly wondering about adoption for themselves. These questions are asked with disdain and dismay and sometimes outright disgust. The sad part is I know I’m not alone in being asked these questions, I’ve read many blogs lately where moms have complained about the questions that they are being asked. There is actually a whole series of videos on you-tube showing the questions people get asked about adoption. (Video) What kind of questions you might ask?
Here’s a list of some of the one’s I’ve been asked recently and yes, I’ve even blogged about that before. (Blog Post)
Aren’t you done yet?
Don’t you think you have enough already?
Don’t you realize what adopting children with special needs will do to our taxes?
Don’t you realize what adding these children on to your insurance will do to our insurance premiums?
Don’t you feel bad about not having enough time to spend with each child?
Aren’t you worried about quality time?
Aren’t you worried about one on one time?
What about dance and soccer and all the other fun things they won’t be able to do?
Aren’t you worried about what this will do to your other kids?
Why in the world would you get four at once?
How did you afford them?
Why didn’t you just adopt from this country?
And my all time favorite….
Have you lost your mind?
Wow! Really? How about it I ask you some really personal questions just for the fun of it. I’ll ask a disparaging question, not because I really want to know the truth but because I feel the need to feel superior to you in some way. It feels like I’m being attacked for wanting to go to China and get MY children. Which too me is like someone questioning why I am choosing to carry this baby to term. I’m not doing this because I’m “addicted” to adoption. I’m not doing this to feel better about myself. I’m not doing this to save another soul, though I do pray that is the outcome. I’m not doing this so I look good in my church. I’m not doing this so someone will write an article about me. I’m not doing this for any other reason than these are my children and I would move heaven and heart to get them. All I want to do is love them. I want what is best for them and if you think what is best for them is staying in their home country and living in an orphanage, then I’d have to use the same response that Dan gave our daughter, Cassie, to use, “What the heck is wrong with you?”
Do you want to know the truth? The truth is that the life of an orphan sucks! It’s not all warm and fuzzy. Here’s the truth for our Min. She will be on the street, in a very poor part of the country, without her wheelchair, with no education, no ADA, no disability payments, and NO WHERE to go. So will she be worried about one on one time or no dance or all the other fun things she might miss out on? Nope! I’m pretty sure I can guarantee you that she won’t be. I don’t gamble but I’d bet money on that one. She IS my child. I’m not going to apologize for loving her and caring about her. Or Let’s talk about my Ben, Eli or Evie? You think it would be better for them to die alone in an orphanage? Do you think they really care about soccer or how much one on one time they will get? They will die ALONE in an orphanage. It’s not a maybe, it’s a for sure. They have non-fixable heart defects. No one will be holding their hand. No one will comfort them. No one will be crying any tears. No one! How could that, in any way, sound better than having the love of a family?
Does it suck that many in China aren’t able to care for their children. You’re darn right it does. Does it suck that families feel they have no other choice but to abandon their child in hopes that they get care? YES! I hate it. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t. We are talking about 100’s of years of superstitions. They believe a child who has a birth defect is a curse to the family. There are many, many things in their culture that make caring for a child who is ill an issue – money, family beliefs, one child policy, needing a male in the family, etc. I can’t change China’s policies, but I can help Min. Maybe someday I will be able to let her family know that she has been taken care of and is loved beyond measure. I mean they cared for her for almost eight years. I believe that they loved her and did what they thought was best. And for that reason, I pray every day for peace for my children’s birth mothers. I can’t even imagine what that must be like. I can’t imagine the pain they must be feeling.
In the meantime, I know that there are many who will disagree with what we are doing. That is a hard thing to take. Because how can loving a child be viewed as wrong? How can trying to make a child’s life better be viewed as wrong? That is the hard part about being a Christian and living in this world. You follow God’s lead and do what you believe is the right thing to do and people will still criticize you. Which is why you always need to keep your eyes on the Lord. You’d think at this point I’d be okay with this. People are going to question things. I should know by now that you can’t please everyone, not everyone is going to agree with you, and not everyone is going to support you. It just hurts, not because I want them to think more of me, but because I want them to understand how many hurting children there are all around the world. That is why I started this blog, to show how beautiful adoption is. I wanted to show how by setting out to bless a child, you end up being the one who is blessed beyond measure. Children deserve a family and love. I just want to make others understand that. I guess that is it. Think what you want about me but open your eyes to the plight of the orphan in the world. Do what you can to help another child. Spread the word. Satan would love nothing more than for all of us to forget the orphan. But James 1:27 tells us differently…..this is true religion.
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Adoption Update & O.C.C.
ADOPTION UPDATE:
We have been given the tentative travel date of May 4th. We have travel approval for all three girls. The last bit of paperwork for Eli is his Article 5 and then we will have Travel Approval for him too. Everyone has been exceedingly kind and expedited his paperwork. He really needs to get here and get checked out and it looks as if God is going to allow that to happen. We have been so blessed that everyone has been so open to looking out for his papers and proceeding as quickly as they can. There are so many hoops to jump through with adoption and so many bureaucratic stops along the way. It boggles my mind sometimes. I was so surprised that we had to start from square one again considering it had only been a year since we started our last adoptions, but after hearing story after story on the STUCK tour, I am counting my blessings that it has gone as smoothly as it has.
I love God’s sense of humor with the travel date of May 4th. I have always had a hard time from April 30th (Codey & Kyle’s birthday) until May 4th when Kyle died and a few days later for his funeral. It isn’t like I’m severely depressed during that time, it just breaks my heart that things didn’t turn out the way I had dreamed. Some years are better than others, but there are always many, many memories that come with those dates. My water broke on the way to our second Lamaze class and I was life flighted down to Des Moines. My whole life changed in that instant. We never went home, moved to the Ronald McDonald House, and spent the next 14 months in the hospital with Codey. When you are dreaming about your life and the joy of carrying twins, that is not the fairy tale ending you had hoped for. We had to bury our son and we didn’t have the money to do that. I’ve talked about all of this before so I won’t go into details. I’m pretty sure you can clearly see my dislike for that first week in May, but now I am looking forward to it. I actually want those days to arrive. I want to go get my girls and my little boy. I am so ready to be their mama. God’s timing is perfect and I love that delays ended up to us being blessed with all four of them and leaving during that week. As one of my Facebook friends said, “It will always be bitter/sweet from here on out.”
OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD
For those of you who don’t know what O.C.C. is, here is their site. Operation Christmas Child Since 1993, 100 million shoe boxes have been delivered in 130 countries. Isn’t that amazing? Initially I got involved through our home school tumbling group, but I was really moved hearing a young girl give her testimony at a Women of Faith Conference. She was talking about how she had never had a gift until she received her shoebox. I was thinking about my kids and how they probably couldn’t even remember what they got on their last birthday. It just really touched my heart. Ever since that time, the kids and I spend our year looking for bargains. We buy the toys in Targets $1.00 bin when they are 50% off. I’m that person you will see with a cart full of stuff. We buy shirts that are $1 at Wal-mart. We buy tablets, crayons, pencils, pens, pencil sharpeners and stickers after the back to school rush is over. I love that my children always keep their eyes peeled for bargains to put in the boxes.
These past two weekends have found me packing shoe boxes. (I have a feeling my life is going to get a little busy when we get home from China.) Being the dears they are, Mom and Linda (my mother-in-law) came down to help me with this monumental task. (Yes, I’m one of those lucky people whose mother-in-law is wonderful and her and my mom are actually friends. I am blessed!)
Why would packing shoe boxes be a monumental task you ask? Well, when I was sorting through old boxes in my storage room I found 100 plastic pencil boxes that mom had bought me a couple of years ago that I forgot about. We always buy them on clearance after school starts, I put them aside and we pack them for delivery around the middle of November. Like I said I forgot about these, add those to the 77 pencil boxes mom already bought to do the shoe boxes that I usually do, and that’s a lot of boxes. We have always done our shoe boxes in honor of Dan’s dad who passed away a few years ago. Terry liked the number 7 for Biblical reasons. First we started out doing 7 boxes in the 3 ages groups for boys and girls or 42 boxes. Over the past couple years the kids thought it would be fun to do 77 boxes. Oh boy! During the last couple of months, we’ve bought crayons, pencils, pens, etc. and had the pencil boxes all ready. Mom is a great bargain shopper and she bought a ton of stuff. We set to packing and we have 150 done. Isn’t that amazing? I thought it was a task to big to be completed and here we are almost done. Only 27 more to go. I gave my friends permission to buy those shoes they want so I can have the boxes. I hope their husbands don’t mind. 🙂
If you have the opportunity to participate in this amazing endeavor, please do so. I love how it takes my children’s eyes off themselves and puts them on others. Ben was super sweet today. He kept asking why we were doing it, I’d explain, and he would tell me how great it was to make other kids happy. I love watching them give of themselves.
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Maisey Meilyn is 3!
I remember being matched with my little girl. I remember Dan and I praying about it and him giving her the nickname “cupcake”. I remember him saying that he was ready to be matched as soon as possible. We had just sent in our papers and they said we would probably be matched in 6 months or so. They called us to present Maisey the very next day. We had checked on the “Medical Conditions Checklist” that we would consider a deaf child. Cassie had just taken a year of ASL and thought we could do it. We agreed to accept this little girl as ours. I remember a few days later, I was standing in Linda’s kitchen, and realized that it was my little girl’s birthday. I cried. She was turning one and we were looking at a whole year before we could go get her. It was so heartbreaking and unimaginable. So much happens with a child between the ages of one and two, and we were going to miss it all. My heart just hurt thinking about it.
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- Very first picture we saw of Maisey.
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- A few months later….
Then the day was finally here, we were going to travel. Oh, that moment when they first placed her in my arms. It was March 12th, 2012. We got her in time to get to celebrate her 2nd birthday with her. I was so overwhelmed with emotion when I first saw her face. She was just so quiet and timid. She walked around with her head hanging down. She was hesitant…..
But then we started to get glimpses of who Maisey really was.
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- Maisey dancing at the airport.
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- Maisey enjoying the bus ride.
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- Maisey and daddy playing peek-a-boo with the mirror.
She was sweet and compassionate and loving. When Maisey decided we were her family, she was all in. There was no hesitation on her part. She just decided “Hey, I like this being loved thing” and just went with it. She knows she’s adored. She knows she’s loved. She runs and jumps and climbs absolutely everything. She has no fear. She lives life with such gusto. Everything she does is with great excitement. She wakes up ready to go every day. She jumps up with a huge smile on her face. She runs to you and hugs you like you are the best thing she has ever seen in her whole life. She loves with great enthusiasm. She loves with reckless abandon. She comforts you when you are sad. She is so empathetic. She is truly so caring. Plus, she likes to pretend that she is in charge. 🙂
Dan thinks this song says it all. (Listen from the 28 second point until the 2 minute mark.) She is bouncy and full of life and she believes without a doubt that “I’m yours!”.
We have been so blessed to be loved by Maisey this year. We set out to save a little girl without much hope for a future in China. The future for a deaf child and an orphan in China is very bleak. We learned after we got home that Maisey weighed 6 pounds at 6 months. We found out that she was a mini-celebrity. She was the House of Hope’s 1,000 patient. She was even listed in the book The House of Hope by Elisabeth Gifford . Maisey’s name was Chaya in the book. The Hills saved our little girl. She is a fighter. When we got her she had no way to communicate and had a huge bald spot on the back of her head from throwing herself on the floor. Now she is signing and has her BAHA (bone conducting hearing aid) and her speech has just taken off. She sings and dances. She loves tumbling and her tumbling teacher (Cassie). She loves to slide and run and swing. She loves books. She loves babies. She just loves life. What a beautiful addition to our family she has been. One of the best things about Maisey is her love and compassion for Codey, a totally unexpected, beautiful gift. We all feel blessed to have Maisey run to us, yelling our name, jumping up, and hugging us as tight as she can. Maisey makes everyone feel loved.
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- Listening to music.
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- Causing a little mess….
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- Dancing the day away.
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- Playing with Ben.
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- Decorating a Valentine cupcake.
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- Loving up Zachary.
Happy birthday sweet Maisey! Looking forward to what the next year has in store for you as you learn and grow. I can’t wait for you to meet your new siblings and for you to spread your love and sunshine all over them too. 🙂 Mommy loves you so much sweet girl! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you, my sweet, little cupcake!
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The Reason Why
Disclaimer: Everything I am writing about in regard to orphanages and what children go through – I have read about in another mother’s blog or in a book or had personal experience from. Granted people could exaggerate or make things up altogether but these blogs have many, many followers. You would think someone would call their bluff if they were out and out lying. The truth of the matter is, there are just so many people saying exactly the same thing over and over and over again. I tend to believe most of it. Plus, I’ve seen the effects of an orphanage on a child firsthand. It’s not pretty! It will tear your heart out and change every perspective you’ve ever had about what is and isn’t important.
Have you ever wondered why so many people are moved to adopt over and over again? Why they come home, talk about it, and pray that others will hear their message? Did you ever think “Why in the world would someone do what they are doing, spend the time and money that they do, just to bring a child home?” The truth is it is estimated that the average adoption will cost $28,000 and take close to three years* (Ours took a year.). (*Please watch the video below!) Why would anyone do that? Why would anyone sign up to do that and especially why would they do that more than once?
(If you want to know more, STUCK will be playing in Des Moines on April 22nd at 7 p.m.)
I’ve watched Cassie come home upset because people question why in the world would her parents adopt four children at a time. I’ve listened to her explain what her answers were and why she said what she said. Last night I told her, the truth is, she has three options.
One, she can not answer at all. Just let it drop, because she will never be able to truly make someone understand why we are doing this if they don’t understand what an orphanage is like. If they’ve never read the stories about “dying rooms” or children that are 14 that weigh 24 pounds. If they haven’t heard that children freeze to death, or are chained to the walls, or are sent to mental institutions when they hit the age of 6. It’s beyond their comprehension if they don’t know that a disability will label you as cursed for life. In many places your last name means orphan and you will not be allowed an education, you barely have enough food to survive, you don’t have even the barest of necessities. They will never understand if their only idea of an orphanage is from watching the movie Annie.
When we got Ben (3 1/2) and Maisey (2), they wouldn’t play with any of the toys we brought them. Why? Because their first thought was for food. They didn’t care about a book, or a blanket, or a toy that made noise. Their cherished possession was a spoon. Who cares about toys when you are starving? Ben walked funny because he was confined to a play pen or a high chair through most of the day. They were afraid of a bath. We later learned it’s because some orphanages give one bath a week or they hose them down with cold water. There are no bubble baths and cute terry cloth robes. Ben needs major dental work because six of his teeth are in such terrible decay. There can be 40 kids sharing two toothbrushes. Ben and Maisey couldn’t even hold a spoon and feed themselves. Why? Because when they are fed they are all fed out of the same bowl with the same spoon because the nanny doesn’t have time to give each child their own bowl and clean up after them. It’s an assembly line. There is no good night kiss and being tucked in to a nice cozy bed. Many times the mattress is a piece of plywood with a blanket because it cuts down on the lice problem.
Two, she can try to explain all about our family and all the people we have just waiting to love these four new children. She can explain that our family has chosen this to be their mission and children are where our passion lies. She can explain her dad’s job, his expertise in caring for sick babies, his love for children, and how he’s home during the week. She can explain how much I love children and how my dream as a little girl was to have 12. But if they don’t understand that children need rescued and it’s not about having “quality time” or “more one on one time”, they still won’t understand.
Oh, but if they could see what we, as a family, have seen this past year. If they could see how a child blossoms and grows with the love of a family. If they could see what we’ve seen, the physical, emotional and spiritual growth. It’s about giving them love, food, an education, some more love, and hope for a future that doesn’t include sex trafficking or living on the street. It’s about saving a life. If they could see what we have seen, they’d more than understand.
Three, she can tell them to jump in a lake. (Probably not the nicest or the best option!) The reality is it’s none of their business. They have no right to judge. They have no right to question whether it is or is not the right thing. They don’t know anything about our family or where our hearts lie. We’ve been through home studies. You read that right – studie”S“. When you adopt from China, you have initial home studies, and a follow-up home study when you come home, one at 6 months, one at a year, one at two years, and the last one at five years. There are safe guards in place. Plus, I’ve pretty much made our lives public by putting it all out there in picture and blog. I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m trying to prove you can do more than you think you can. You can love more than you think possible. You can show the love of God through taking a child in. You can change their lives and their eternity. All of this is a pretty amazing, mind-blowing, heart changing, life altering, thing.
Maybe that is all she needs to say “God brought us to these four children and our family feels overwhelming blessed to be able to bring them home!” Because that is the truth! We are blessed. We may be tired. The house may never be perfectly clean. Our mid-life crisis car may now be a 15 passenger van. But the overall running theme in our home is love and that God has blessed us in immeasurable ways. What a gift to us. What a gift to them.
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Adoption Updates, Explanations, and Observations
Look at those sweet, sweet faces. (Top left) Evie (then clockwise) Lainey, Min and Eli. I can’t wait to hold them and take them home. We are all just so excited. Gracie sits and tells stories about what she is going to do with everyone all day long. She debates who she is going to hug first and who will sit beside her in the car. Who will like to swim and who will like to read. Ben lies in bed at night and talks about how much fun this is going to be. He tells me who will lie where and how he will hold their hands. I have a special song that I make up for each of my children when they are born. It is only their song and I sing it every night before they go to bed. It made perfect sense when there was a couple – now it goes on and on forever. Ben has been making me practice songs for each new child, so far he has not approved of any of my song choices. I’m running out of time. I’d better get working on it. I love that they are excited about adding to our family. It’s a wonderful thing for this mama’s heart.
ADOPTION UPDATE:
We are getting so close to the time to travel. The closer it gets the harder it is to wait. Yesterday we received Eli’s LOA (Letter of Acceptance) that we need to sign saying we officially want to adopt him. The next step is our immigration letter and then we will get our travel approval. We are one step closer in this adoption journey. We have been informed that we should travel the last week of April or the first week of May – if all goes as planned. Yay!
EXPLANATIONS:
It’s crazy all the steps and acronyms involved with adopting. You have your LID (Log in date for your dossier, all the paperwork saying you are fit to adopt. Financial statements, police records, doctors letters about your health, etc.). Then you send in a LOI (Letter of Intent) stating who the child is, why you want to adopt them and how you can provide for them. Then you get your PA (Preapproval letter), which just means that they approve of you adopting this child and the child’s file is locked in for you. Then you get your LOA (Letter of Acceptance) which states that you agree to accept this child. Then you get your I-800 which allows you to bring them into the country. And finally…you get your TA (Travel Approval). There’s more paperwork in the middle of all of this and afterward when you get to China, but you get the picture. Paperwork, waiting, fees paid, paperwork, waiting, a few more fees, more paperwork, more waiting but then that day gets here and you can barely stand it. Which is why the day you receive them at the Registration Office (or other meeting place) is such a highly emotional time. All that waiting is finally over.
OBSERVATIONS:
Everyone pretty much thinks we are crazy. Not that people don’t celebrate what we are doing or think it’s a good thing…..for us, but it’s not for them. I hear that over and over again. “Congratulations! I’m glad it’s you and not me, but congratulations!”
You only have to look closely at Ben and listen to his out of breath little body after he runs for only a moment, to understand that life is not guaranteed. Hope, who is almost 14, looked all grown up in her pretty yellow Easter dress, but the truth is evident in that long jagged scar that runs down her chest that she’s been through a lot. When you look at them it’s easy to just see the special needs – Maisey’s difficulty with hearing, Codey’s limitations both physical and mental, Ben’s blueness is hard to miss, Hope’s scar lies there for all to see and Gracie’s illness has left it’s mark. But maybe that isn’t what we should be looking at. Instead when you look at them, maybe the first thing you should see is the miracle of their lives. The miracle of love. The miracle of God’s hands working in all their lives. The beauty of all that they are, not what they aren’t.
I was born into a country that believes we should strive for the nice car, the perfect body, the nice house, the great job, the vacations, the pension, the retirement. Well, I can tell you I have most of those material things. I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that after all the struggles, the not having money, the doing without, that someday Dan would have a well-paying job, and then that is when life would really begin. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy along the way. I have always been grateful and felt blessed, but when there was more money, well, then the really good times would begin. I’d have a nice house. I’d drive a nice car. I’d be able to buy clothes that I wanted. I’d be able to do what I wanted. Well, guess what? I have those things and so what? Who cares? I wish I’d never bought the big house. I wish I’d never wasted money on stupid gadgets. I wish I could have a do over. I wonder why did it take so long for my eyes to open? Why? Why? Why? I’m like a two year old throwing a tantrum now but it’s at myself. I could have funded a surgery. I could have funded adoptions. I could have helped a child find a family. I could have fed more people. I could have dug more wells. I could have…. I could have… I could have!
So why you spend time thinking I’ve lost my mind. Admit it! You’ve thought it. You think four at once? What are they thinking? Well, here is what I am thinking. My time for adopting is running out. God has brought me to these four children and even though I am afraid, I will do what He asks of me. I know that these are my children. I may not be a lot of things, but I am really good at loving children. I can bring these children here and they will know love. I know that without a doubt. They may never go to college. They may die well before it should be anyone’s time but they will know love. They will know laughter and love and happiness. They will understand God’s love for them because they will have a father who shows them unconditional love. They will know that they were not a mistake. They will know love in abundance. They will have their hand held. They will have a lap to sit on. They will have a daddy to read them bed time stories and a mommy that sings them their special songs when she tucks them in. They will know if they wake up afraid that we will be there to comfort them. These are the things that we take for granted. These are the things that millions of children will never, ever know. Simple, simple things that every child should know. How dare we as Christ’s hands and feet deny that to anyone?
I talk about these things over and over again because I want you to wake up to the need. I want you to get it way before I finally did. Don’t let time pass you by. Don’t wait for later to help. Do something today. Spread the wealth. Become God’s hands and feet. Do something that really, truly matters. Feed a child, help a family out, open your mind to the possibility of adopting. Who knows where God will lead you.
Do you know how Dan and I know that this is right? We know it to our very core because we have such peace about it. We aren’t freaking out wondering how it will work. We know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God brought us to these children and He will provide for all of our needs. God has this covered. What a wonderful thing to get to be a part of. It doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that lies ahead or that we’re not afraid, but I’m telling you that there is peace about this whole adoption that is truly amazing. Even though we know that we have every right to be stressed, we have watched God provide over and over again this past year so it is easy to trust in His plan. I’ve gotten to be part of some amazing, miraculous things this year. What a beautiful gift that I am so undeserving of. Blessed, simply blessed is the way that I feel.
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Obedience, Sainthood and Eternity
My devotional this week said, “Surrendered people obey God’s Word, even when it doesn’t make sense.”. “Give yourselves to God … surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes.” (Romans 6:13b TEV)
Obedience means obeying even when you are afraid.
Obedience means following God’s lead even when you can’t see the path in front of you.
Obedience means not debating, questioning, reasoning with, or making excuses for why you can’t do something.
It takes a lot of faith to proceed even when it doesn’t make sense. It took me years to get to this point. Years to truly listen to the word of God, but when you see God’s miracles in your life over and over again. When you see how perfect His plan is, you start to let go of what you thought was right for your life and trust in His plan for your life.
There is nothing amazing about us and being able to do what we are doing. It has become somewhat of a joke to us because the number one thing that people say to us is “You are saints.” First off, I will say if you are a Christian, you too are a saint. In the Bible, believers were referred to as saints on many different occasions. So in reality, I am a saint, but not for the reasons you would say. I am a saint because Christ died for my sins and by believing in Him I become a member of God’s adopted family – a person holy for that reason only. I am a person who fails and sins and is so much less than on most days.
Our proceeding with these adoptions is because of obedience only. It is because we have seen the hand of God on so many different occasions that we choose to listen and proceed when He lays something on our hearts. I have often said, “But I can’t. Lord, this doesn’t make sense. How in the world are we going to do that?” But God’s calling is right there. Your heart is heavy with what you know to be the truth. You just know it’s the right thing to do even if it doesn’t make sense. Then things start to line up, things that others said could never happen – happen, and God says once again, “Listen my child. I will provide a way. I will bring you through whatever I bring you to. This is my plan. Trust in me.”
People say things to us like, “What about your retirement? Don’t you want to travel? Won’t you be tired? How in the world are you going to do this? You’ll never be able to….” Believe me I get it. I have said some of those things to myself. Five kids under four at my age seems a little daunting at times. But then I think about their lives. Am I willing to trade a trip to Hawaii for giving Min or Lainey or Evie or Eli a home? Am I willing to let Ben or Evie or Eli die, alone, in a cold orphanage? Am I willing to not listen to the calling of God? Am I willing to say to Min “Child, a life on the street is okay for you? Prostitution? Early death? No love of a family? Well, that’s okay cause I’m going to Hawaii.” I am NOT willing to make those trades. I am willing to trade my sleep for bringing them the love of family. I am willing to trade new clothes, a fancy car, and any imaginable vacation out there to let them know God’s love and what being adopted into God’s family means.
I have been sitting on this post for a while now. No one wants to listen to me preach again about adoption or at least that was what I was thinking but then I saw this video posted on Facebook and I understood. I needed a better illustration of what I was trying to say. I spent my life, in the 40 plus years before we even saw an orphanage, living for this one small moment in my life….retirement. The magical illusion of when everything will be great. Your children are grown. It’s just you and your husband traveling the world. Living happily ever after, but if you believe Christ died for you, then your life on earth is but a small portion of eternity.
We did not proceed with our adoptions because of some great reward. If we weren’t doing it for love, then it would be worthless. We would be doing it for all the wrong reasons and then it would be like straw or stubble to God. God knows what is in your heart. God knows what you are giving and why. You can’t earn God’s love. You can’t buy your way into heaven.
James 4:17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
But there are so many verses telling you to care for the orphan and the widow, the poor and the needy, to take care of those that need your help. If you can help, and you choose not to then it is not just wrong, it is sin. It goes against everything the Bible is commanding. EVERYTHING! Don’t fool yourself into thinking what the world is saying is the right way. You will not be happy because you took a trip. You will not be happy because you saved all this money so you could retire and golf or knit or sew or see the world. That is not what your life should be about. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong to travel or golf, but your life should include following God’s lead and opening your eyes to the hurt in the world. Too many children are slaves. Too many children are being sold in the sex trafficking market. Too many children are dying alone in a cold, lonely orphanage. Too many children spend their lives never knowing the love of a family. Too many children are going to bed hungry or drinking dirty water. Don’t kid yourself that it’s ok and someone else will save them. These kids are waiting for you to show them the love of God. Ask God and He will show you a need. Ask God to use you for His plan. Ask God to make your life count. Don’t just exist. Don’t just follow the world’s lead. Stand out! Do something! Be the hands and feet of Christ. It is possible – one need at a time, one person at a time, one life at a time.
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God is so good!
Praise the Lord! Yesterday we were told that China has agreed to us adopting four. We will leave in 4-8 weeks, hopefully, to get our precious children, Elijah (1), Evie (2 on Monday), Lainey (2), and Min (13). We are all overwhelmed, ecstatic, and feeling extremely blessed.
You have trusted Him in a few things, and He has not failed you. Trust Him now for everything, and see if He does not do for you exceeding abundantly above all that you could ever have asked or thought, not according to your power or capacity, but according to His own mighty power, that will work in you all the good pleasure of His most blessed will. You find no difficulty in trusting the Lord with the management of the universe and all the outward creation, and can your case be any more complex or difficult than these, that you need to be anxious or troubled about His management of it? – Hannah Whitall Smith
DISCLAIMER: I am hoping everyone understands that we have very unique home circumstances. We have two adult children living in an apartment on our property ready to help whenever we need it. My mother-in-law (Linda) and my mom (Marlys) are both retired and willing to help whenever we need it. My husband, Dan, is a physician specializing in the care of critically ill infants. Dan works at home during the week doing clinical and quality Improvement for a national company. He works a 25 hour shift every weekend while the kids are here to help. There is absolutely no way that we could proceed with this new adventure without all the help and medical training that we have. This is not going to be a precedent for China and they have graciously agreed to allow Elijah to be adopted on this trip to expedite his care.
That being said, when Judy called yesterday, tears were flowing. Well, everyone except Ben, who sat there with his “I told you” look on his face. This has been such an amazing, faith-filled, miracle producing year. Maisey and Ben have adjusted remarkably well. Delays with Eli lead to us proceeding and trying to adopt Min. I remember sitting in the bathroom and crying when I saw her face. I questioned God on why He would lay such a thing on my heart when China most certainly wouldn’t allow three at once. Friends of ours had just learned of a family that was proceeding with adopting three and we got in touch with them. Their words of wisdom gave us faith to proceed and ask China to allow us to adopt three. When China allowed three, we were blown away and so thankful. At that time, we figured we would proceed with returning as quickly as we could to get Eli. I have known since I first saw his little face that he was my son. I have never, ever doubted that God had planned for Eli to be with us. Ben’s absolute certainty that Eli was his brother brought peace to our hearts. It was so unexplainable how Ben felt about Eli that we have always felt it had to be a God thing.
When we did our home study we asked our social worker to change it from three to four children, knowing full well that China only allowed two at a time. Both Dan and I felt that God was saying four. The home study said four and our provisional I-800 said “allowed to bring four children into the United States”. We proceeded through our year knowing we were going to get Evie the whole time. We were waiting on Eli’s papers and it was taking a while so we proceeded with Lainey and Min. Trusting that God’s plan was perfect. When Eli’s papers became available, we asked if we could petition China for four. Everyone said that the chances of it happening were very small. It had never been done. It doesn’t seem like such a big deal to us here in the United States but China’s one child policy has led to people believing that you give all your attention to one child and that is the best possible thing for children. We have had miracle after miracle happen this year so we asked if it would hurt to ask and our agency said no. The agency had us prepare our Letter of Intent as detailed as possible, they sent it off, and we prayed. We prayed and so many of our wonderful friends and family prayed.
We have been overwhelmed with all that the Lord has provided for us during this adoption journey. We have proceeded with faith that God’s plan and His timing were perfect and we were just along for the ride. He has shown us some very clear signs and had burdened our hearts with adopting these four children. We have no clue what the future will hold and I’m sure our lives will change in ways that I can’t even imagine. When I watch Grace, Hope, Ben and Maisey laughing and consider that I will soon have even more laughter in my house, I am overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, I know there will be many trying times and sleepless nights ahead. We have many doctor’s appointments and surgeries in our future. But the fact that I have been blessed with being able to provide a home and love for these four children absolutely brings me to knees. I am so blessed and so thankful that God would bless us in such a way. To God all the glory is given! Praises upon praises!
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