Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category

• Kelly Update

  Date: 2014.08.07 | Category: Adoption, Kelly

  For the past two months, we have known that Kelly has had great reservations about being adopted.  We have not said anything because we were hoping it was just the ususal “I am afraid” response.  We hoped and prayed she would embrace the thought of family even though she was afraid.

  Months ago, I saw Kelly’s picture on a Facebook advocacy page.  I read about her.  I knew that my heart was moved but I wanted to be sure it wasn’t just an emotional response.  I prayed and prayed some more and decided to ask more questions.  I wanted all the information I could get on her so I posted a comment and people responded.  I was told that I should talk to two specific people, one of whom had met her and the other who had hoped to adopt Kelly herself.  From these two people, I got their names of two other people who had cared for Kelly in the group home.

  I asked every question I could.  The most important questions being “Does she really want a family, would she be okay with a large family, and does she want to come to America?”.   I think we all like to think, “Well, who wouldn’t want to come to America and have a family?”, but the truth is sometimes older children do not wish to leave their birth country and everything they know and hold dear.  By the time these older children are teenagers, they have come to terms with the fact that a family may not be coming.  They are used to caring for themselves.

  As a family, we discussed adopting Kelly.  We talked with our agency and asked them what the chances were of adopting an aging out teenage girl in 170 days.  Our agency informed us everything would have to go perfectly, but it was possible.  We decided to take a chance, we submitted our LOI, and waited for PA.  After PA you are allowed to send letters, gifts, and pictures.  We received our PA and sent a care package to Kelly.

  After we knew she got our package, we talked to people again.  We wanted to be sure she was okay with a big family and that she truly wanted to be adopted.  We tried in many different ways and we never got the response we wanted.   We heard over and over again that she wasn’t sure and that she was afraid.  We never heard the words, “She really wants a family but is afraid.”   You can overcome fear if the want for a family is greater than the fear.  We understood that she would be fearful, everything in her life was about to change.  We understood it would take time for her to adjust to her new life.  No one can be expected to give up everything they hold dear and not have it affect them.

  Instead of hearing that she wanted a family, we heard over and over again, “We are trying to convince her this is the best thing for her.” We did everything we could to ease her mind. We talked to people who were close to her.  We sent her letters in her care package.  We let her know about our blog.  We asked them to share our Facebook page with her so she could see videos and pictures of our family.  We asked to Skype with her.

  You might ask, “Why would you keep asking if she wanted to be adopted?”  We kept asking because something just didn’t feel right.  Whenever anyone that was close to her talked about it, they always mentioned how everyone was trying to convince her that it was the right thing to do.

  I even talked with a mother who was going be traveling soon to volunteer there.  I did not know her personally but others that I trusted in the Facebook community did.  I asked her to spend some time with Kelly and get an unbiased opinion of whether she really wanted to be adopted.  She sent me pictures of their time together.  I believed things looked pretty good after that.

  We were allowed to Skype and we thought things had gone well.  She didn’t seem afraid while Skyping.  She was laughing and smiling the whole time.   Her body language was relaxed and open.  At the end of the call, we had told Kelly to let them know if she had more questions.  We waited a few days and we heard nothing.  I sent an e-mail to the director of the group home asking him if she had more questions and he said Skyping made her fear worse.  She was even more afraid and was very unsure about whether or not she wanted to be adopted.

  There were signs from the beginning that things may have not been what we were told.   We thought she really wanted a family and was okay with going to America.  The truth was she wanted a family, but she never wanted to leave China.  There were signs all along the process.  We heard words like “She didn’t know she could be adopted. She never thought that it would happen.  She was surprised by it.  She was okay if the paper work did or didn’t get done.”

  The issue is she has people she loves at the group home. She has a very close friend who she helps with schooling.  She considers these people her family.  She sings with them.  She has art lessons and piano lessons.   She can work in their bakery when she’s of age.  She won’t be out on the street.  In her mind, she has a whole lot to lose and she has no clue what she would gain.

  With all the information we had, we talked to our agency.  After much group discussion within the agency and with our family, we knew we had two options.   First, we could travel and hope that we could convince her to be adopted.  We were told by her group home that they would not force her to sign.  They were going to leave it her decision.  Second, we could give her a deadline by which to make her decision.  She had been wavering for months and it wasn’t getting better it was getting worse.  We prayed and considered all the options.  We discussed it again with our agency, who was very good at telling us all the previous stories, the kids who didn’t sign, the parents who landed in China only to be told no before they even met the child, and the stories where children were convinced to sign.

  We decided it would be better to give Kelly a deadline before we traveled.  We didn’t want to take the chance of traveling to China only to have Kelly refuse to sign the paperwork.  In China, if you are ten or older, you have to agree to the adoption.  You have to sign forms stating you wish to be adopted.  I have heard of others forcing the child to sign.  I have heard the threats that were said and the fights that ensued.    As I said before, we had previously talked with the director of the group home and he said they would leave the decision up to her.  They would not force her to sign.  We knew it had to be Kelly’s decision.

  We were at a critical point in the adoption process, we needed to file for her visa.  We needed to know one way or the other.  It was agreed upon that she would have until Friday, July 18th, to decide.  They e-mailed and asked if they could have until Monday to decide and we agreed.  When we didn’t hear anything on Monday, we e-mailed again.  The response we got was that Kelly had a cold and they couldn’t get an answer.  My heart dropped.  I knew what that meant.  That’s not a real excuse for not answering.   I e-mailed again and he said, “For Kelly. I feel she is wrong, But the choice needs to be hers, and not mine. I know in the future she my wish she made a different choice, but that’s the way it will be.”

  I cried tears much like I did with Kyle.  The dream of a life was there, but it wasn’t meant to be.  We are heartbroken to say the least.  The children have been in tears.  Jasmine doesn’t understand.  If you remember our journey to another aging out daughter began because Jasmine wanted to help another child.    Jasmine has said over and over again, “But she doesn’t understand what family means.”

  I have prayed over and over again.  Kelly’s picture is on my homescreen of my phone and my computer.  Every time her picture came on the screen, I prayed for clarity for her.  I prayed that God’s will would be done and I truly meant it.   But being human I just assumed that God’s plan would mean Kelly would be my daughter.  It’s funny how we do that.  Like God is a magic genie and all our wishes will just come true if we pray hard enough.

  The verse does say, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”   Matthew 21:22

  But there is also a verse that says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  Isaiah 55:8

  Someone asked me if I was angry at God.  I’m not angry at God.  I can’t be angry at God because things didn’t work out the way I had hoped.   Kelly has free will.  I can not make Kelly do what I wish.   I can’t possibly know why we were lead down this path, but I still believe it was God who sent us on this journey.  Too many doors were opened, too many signs lead to Kelly for it to not be from God.

  All the signs lead to this having a happy ending, at least on our end.  We’ve never had an adoption go so smoothly.  Everyone was on board with the expediting and were more than gracious to speed our paperwork up.  Our agency has gone above and beyond.  We have been overwhelmed with the support and caring that we have received.  Everything was going as planned.  We were at that very last stage – requesting a visa, which leads to the Article 5 being issued, which leads to the consulate appointment and travel approval.  We had 30 days left and it was more than doable.  We were all set.

  I have tried to wrap my head around this.  I have cried so may tears grieving over my lost dreams.  I saw her in the girl’s room.  We bought her a new bed.  The girls and I bought her clothes that we thought she would love based on the pictures we’ve seen of her.  We know her favorite color was blue so we bought her a beautiful blue comforter.  She has jewelry and hairbows.  I saw myself brushing her beautiful hair and letting her know how beautiful she is.  I am her mama in my heart and I would be lying if I said this doesn’t hurt.

  I don’t understand.  I just can’t see the big picture.  I can see little bits of what I have learned.  I have seen what group homes do for children.  These homes are proof that there are better ways to raise children even if they can’t have a forever family.  I have seen the other side of teen adoption.  I belong to groups where I have heard all sorts of outcomes.  My eyes have definitely been opened. I know it doesn’t always go like it has with Jasmine.  I have learned how to expedite and I have seen how well the adoption process works if everyone moves stuff along.  I have always wanted to speak to our congressman and tell them changes needed to be made to speed the process up, to cut out the redundancy of costs and paperwork, get rid of some of the unnecessary paperwork, and now I know ways that it can happen.

  But if I was to tell the truth, I don’t want to be more informed.  I want to be a mama to a little girl half way around the world who has no clue what that means and who doesn’t want the same thing.

  So for now, we will try to help.  We will sponsor her.  We have let them know we will help with her education or anything else that may come up.  I am comforted by the fact that Kelly has people who love her there.  She has friends and many who she considers family.  She knows God.  She has a love for God that is beautiful.  There is a video of her singing and signing on Agape’s Facebook page.  I love watching her sing.  I believe God must have plans for her there.  Maybe she just needed to know that a family would fight for her.  I know I don’t have the answers, but I am placing my trust in Him who’s ways are not my ways.

  Please keep Kelly in your prayers.   Right now she could use some specific prayers for healing on her feet.  Thank you for supporting us and encouraging us on this journey.   Please consider supporting Agape Family Life House and the other group homes in China and around the world trying to make it a better place for children who wait.

   

• What Changed Your Mind?

  Date: 2014.07.07 | Category: Adoption

  

  All the posts and pictures on the 4th, of the sweet children we have come to know through adoption, got me to thinking about what makes people adopt and also wonder what makes people hold back when they’ve considered it.  I’ve heard it over and over again.  “I’ve always wanted to adopt, but….”

  When we adopted Hope, it was out of the blue.  It wasn’t something we had planned.  We saw a child in need and stepped in to help.   Maybe that is part of it.  If a hurting child was right there in your front yard, you’d do something.  If you saw a malnourished child, abandoned, needing love and attention, you’d do something.  Even if you weren’t called to adopt that specific child, you’d do something.  You’d find them help.  You’d support them.  You’d help others who could adopt them.  You’d step up because that is what we do, but because these children aren’t right in front of us we pretend it isn’t happening.

  When we started talking about adoption again, it was Dan who wanted to proceed.  Dan had read Max Lucado’s book, Outlive Your Life. and decided we should consider adopting.  There was a need, we could help, and we could no longer pretend it wasn’t happening.

  I, on the other hand, considered everything everyone else would think.  I was 45 years old.  People started being grandparents at my age.  My life was stable, happy, comfortable even.   It was crazy to think about adopting and I wouldn’t budge.  And then I read the words in Mary Beth Chapman’s book, Choosing To See.  Her daughter asked, “Is it better for an orphan to have an older mother or no mother at all?”  I cried all night.   Those were the words that changed my heart.

  I knew some where there was a child that God was asking me to parent and I was refusing to proceed because of the fear of what others would think of me.  Some where there was a little one who needed a mama’s love and I was leaving them alone, afraid, frightened, with little hope for a bright future because someone might think I was too old.   I hate that those were my thoughts.   God started working overtime on my heart.  Little did I know where God would take us over the next three years.  What an amazing “stand back and watch God” ride this has been.

  My heart was forever changed for the better that night.  I learned to follow God’s lead.  I learned to trust Him even when it didn’t make sense.  I learned to let go of my fears and I deeply regretted all those moments that I drug my feet and refused to trust God’s plans for my life.  My post on Facebook from the other day says it all.

  Rick Warren describes Dan and my past few months (past couple years actually) perfectly!

  “As a follower of Jesus Christ, he expects you to obey whatever he tells you to do — even if it appears foolish to other people, even if it doesn’t make sense financially, even if you don’t understand it and you’re scared to death.”

  Pretty much describes the past 130 days – following in obedience, not truly understanding how it could possibly work, and standing in awe of the faithfulness of God!

  On that same post another adoptive mother commented the following:

   “It was one of his daily devotionals 3 years ago that my hubby and I felt was an answered prayer and helped us finally make the decision to drop all our excuses and just jump on board with our first adoption.”

  Which made me wonder about other parents, did they always know they would adopt?  Were there words that changed their hearts too?  You know I believe in the power of the written word.  God reaches us through other’s words.   What words changed your heart?  Was it a devotional?  A book?  Another adoptive parent’s words?  Song lyrics? What words made you proceed when you were once unsure?

  I would love it if you would share your words in the comments. When we are done, I will make a blog with all the books, quotes, music, and words that moved our hearts.  Who knows who may be out there sitting on the fence about adoption and the words you write may be just what their heart needed to hear.

  

  Adoption update – We have received our 1-800 and we are now waiting on the NVC to issue our letter that will go to the American Consulate in Guangzhou so they can start the children’s visas.  After that is done, the Article 5 can be issued, the consulate appointment will be made, and travel approval will come.

  Tomorrow we have 40 days left.  I am hoping they issue the letter on the first day they receive it.  The tracking number says they should receive it on 7/8/14.

  I believe big things are going to happen in this 7th month of 2014.  I have a thing about the number 7.  My father-in-law started it years ago when we discussed the numbers that show up in the Bible over and over again.  Numbers that had special meaning and were considered holy.  The number 7 and the number 40 are two of them.  The number 7 is used in the Bible 735 times.  Seven is considered the number of completeness and perfection, both physical and spiritual.  So tomorrow on the 7th month of 2014 with 40 days left, it would be a perfect day to receive our very next step, don’t you think?

  Here is a devotional I received from our social worker a couple months ago.  As I have said before, I love quotes and inspirational sayings.  I love words that move your heart and encourage you.  This devotional brought a smile to my face and encouraged my heart in trusting where God was leading us.  We didn’t plan on having 14 children, but I love the way God works.

  2014 is a powerful year of “Double Portion.”

  The number “7” means “Perfection.” 
  

  The number “14” means “Double Perfection”…a Double Portion!

  Isaiah 61:7,

  “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
  

  Everlasting joy will be yours.  I like those words because it means joy in the Lord.  It doesn’t mean that every day will be easy or filled with happiness.  It means that I will be content and filled with joy in the Lord for following His lead, knowing this is the journey we are meant to be on.  That is a special kind of blessing.  One I don’t take lightly.  You’ve heard me say it before….

  I am, without a doubt, seriously blessed.

   

   

• The Hard Part of Adoption

  Date: 2014.06.28 | Category: Adoption, Hope, Jasmine (Shuang Shuang)

  There are many wonderful things about adoption.  It is beautiful and a blessing to watch little lives grow and thrive.  I believe in adoption with my whole heart which is why when God called again we proceeded. But the truth is adoption is hard.  These children come from a very hard place.  Adoption will test you and build you and strengthen you in ways that you can’t even imagine.

  There are many things that you encounter on the road to adoption.  The paperwork is crazy.  The first few weeks in China are trying.  The jet lag is a kick in the butt.  It’s not easy.  I knew that going in, but I wasn’t afraid because parenthood itself is hard.  Loving little people can be hard.  They will try your patience.  They will push your buttons.  It’s just hard.  Now take all of that and add to it hurt, abandonment, malnourishment.  The list could go on and on.  There are bound to be some issues.

  Even if you adopt them from birth, they can have issues as to why they were left.  They will question why they were given up.  They will wonder why they have certain characteristics.  Are they like someone else in their family?  From whom do they get their artistic ability?  Why is their hair straight?  Why is their toe crooked?  The unknowns are the hardest part.

  I remember people questioning us at the beginning as to why we told Hope the truth about her birth story.  They wondered why did we let her know that her pre-adoptive parents backed out and her mother left her in the hospital?  Why?  Was it because we wanted to cement her love for us by letting her know that we were the only ones who cared?  Was it because we enjoyed being mean and hurting her?  No!  It was because at any point in Hope’s life she could send for her medical records and it is all there in black and white.  We wanted our relationship based on trust.  We wanted her to know that we would never lie to her.

  Hope learned about her story in increments.  It’s not like you throw all of that information at a two year old, but Hope has always known her story.  She has heard over and over again how daddy fell in love with her right when he saw her.  She knows that we fought for her.  First, to be able to bring her home and let her die with family and then by trying the surgeries that could and would save her life.   We told her over and over again that it wasn’t her fault.  We let her know there was nothing she did or could have done.  We let her know there are many, many facts leading up to her birth that we just don’t know. Her birthmother might have been scared.  She might have had no support.   We didn’t know all the answers but what we did know was Hope has always been loved by us and we considered her a wonderful gift.

  We have never held any animosity towards Hope’s birthmother.  We have always told Hope to pray for her.  We don’t know the pain or the anguish she went through or might still be going through.  We just don’t know so the best course of action is to pray for her and while Hope is praying for her, Hope’s heart is healed a little more with each and every prayer said.

  Hope is very quiet. She doesn’t say a lot.  She has always been that way.  I worry that she is holding too much in.  I worry about what she thinks about her heart defect, whether she will live a long life, whether we love her, how she was abandoned, etc.   She says she doesn’t, but I always wondered.  Then one day she said, “I get it now.  Ben didn’t do anything to deserve to be abandoned and neither did Maisey.   I get it.”.

  These things are hard for a child to process.  Jasmine is trying to heal right now.  As her English gets better and her trust grows, she has been sharing more and more. She has a lot of pain and hurt and many years of abuse to contend  with.  But Jasmine’s light bulb moment was when we she was holding Evie.  Jasmine asked me where Evie was abandoned.  I told her and I showed her the picture.  Jasmine said, “Why?  Evie is such a sweet, pretty girl.”  And then you could see Jasmine slowly get it.  Jasmine then said, “Mama, Evie didn’t do anything.”

  

  Which is exactly right.  I remember when they took us to Evie’s finding place.  I wondered why would they put this down as a child’s finding place?  Why would they even take us there?  What must have been going through her parent’s minds?

  There have been a couple recent articles about the people abandoning children in China in the hatches that have been set up outside of orphanages.  There are many heartbreaking pictures of parents dropping off children.  Heartbreaking Goodbyes.

  It’s easy for us a half a world away to stand in judgment of these parents, but we don’t know what it is like in China.  There is no health insurance.  There is a soaring number of birth defects.  Nothing is handicapped accessible there.  The old ways consider birth defects a curse on the family.  I can not possible know why my children were abandoned but I can’t imagine that it happened without pain.

  I know that Ben was abandoned at nine months which leads me to believe that his parents wanted him.   I also know that I have children that were left in places that I don’t understand.  I want to believe they were all loved and cherished and abandoned for medical reasons but I know that isn’t true.  I know it isn’t true because I have a fifteen year old who is sharing her truth with me.  Her heartbreaking, mind boggling, truth.

  I want her to know she can talk to me about anything and that anything she shares will not change how I feel about her.  I want her to know that her life had worth and that those years had meaning.  We are dealing with some pretty heavy things.  Things my heart would rather not hear.  I don’t want to know that she was beaten because she could no longer move her legs the way she was supposed to.  I don’t want to know that at the age of four her father told her he hated her.  I don’t want to know that he drank bad stuff and hurt her often.  I don’t want to know that her paternal grandmother tried to care for her but one day when Jasmine was “just too heavy” she decided to just leave Jasmine at the orphanage.  The list of what I don’t want to know goes on and on.  But even if Jasmine didn’t tell me I would still know.  She has burns and scars that tell a story of their own.

  Jasmine has started to journal about her feelings. She recently shared these words with us…

  “Hello everyone my name is Jasmine.    When I was 8 years old when I was my grandmother fell to the orphanage.  I fell into the orphanage.  I am very, very sad I weep and weep……   I know my grandmother did not want me.  But I really really want my grandmother to go home?  I said why why why do not I have a grandmother.  Later, my grandmother came to see me a few times just would not come.  Then I lived in the orphanage makes me feel very scared very scared very scared:  But then when I was about 14 years old when I’m scared scared scared scared.  Because when I was 14 years old when I could not be adopted.   I vow that I want a family.  I beg you.  But one day someone told me that Americans want to adopt me, then I really so happy so happy so happy!  I said I have a mom and dad. ”

  I know that the biggest lessons I have learned have come out of my pain.  I know that healing comes with sharing and talking and most of all forgiving.  I know that I can help her because I once was that lost, hurting child.  I have written about forgiveness in a past blog. (How to Forgive)  I believe that one day Jasmine will help others heal.  I believe that by sharing her story other older children might be adopted, which is exactly what she has been praying for.

  I consider it an honor to be able to parent these children.  I consider it an honor and a blessing to be able to help their hearts heal.  I don’t take this lightly and although it is hard and heartbreaking and unbelievably sad at moments, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I wouldn’t!  It’s the truth.  It is a blessing to bring God into their lives.  It is a blessing to be able share how I healed from my hurt and learned to forgive.  I know what a gift that is.  I know what lies before them….HOPE!

  Hope for healing.  Hope for family.  Hope for an eternity without pain.  What a beautiful blessing it is to be able to share that with them.  Just because something is hard doesn’t me we shouldn’t step up and do it.

  I don’t have more strength than anyone else.

  Truth be told, my strength comes from the Lord.

  I don’t have more faith than anyone else.

  I don’t have more answers than anyone else.

  I don’t have more patience than anyone else.

  But what I do have is perspective.  Perspective for what is important.  Perspective for what truly matters.  Things of this world do not matter.  Cars and houses and vacations and trim bodies and beautiful faces will all fade.  They will all pass away.  The only thing of worth is how we treat others.  How we love.  If we don’t have love, all is in vain.   This song is says it better than I ever could.

   

• 60 Days

  Date: 2014.06.18 | Category: Adoption, Elyse, Kelly

  We have 60 days left.

  

  If you have ever adopted internationally, you know how long all of the paperwork takes.  You fill out reams of papers and send them off only to wait for someone to get to them.  You do some more paperwork, get fingerprinted, get police clearances, order birth and marriage certificates, have physical exams done, fill out more forms, get forms authenticated by the Secretary of State and the Chinese Consulate, wait, do some more forms, wait again, even more forms, wait, etc.  It usually takes close to a year from start to finish.

  

  With an adoption, every single time there is the worry that this may be the time that it is too hard or too messy or just too much.  Which is why when God placed Kelly on my heart and everything in me said, “we don’t have the money, it’s too soon, we’re busy, are you kidding me Lord?”, we still proceeded.  Because His ways are not my ways and His ways are so much better than my fearful, “I can’t do that” ways.  So we proceeded, trusting in His plan, because although I say “What if it doesn’t work out?”, He says, “Ah, but what if it does?”

  

  Every time we have entered into an adoption, we have proceeded on trust and faith.  We have followed where God was leading and He has done some amazing things on our adoption journey.  This journey has been no different.  This journey our eyes could not see a way for this to work.  We knew it could only happen by God’s power.

  1st Corinthians 2:5  ….so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power. 

  Dan and I did not think we would be adopting again, let alone this soon, but our hearts were taken, first, by Kelly and then by Elyse. Our plan was to pay off the debt that we had incurred with adopting four the previous year.  We wanted to find our new normal and let everyone settle in.  Then maybe we would see if God wanted us to do more.  But then  I saw Kelly’s picture and my heart was taken.  I knew what we had already talked about: no proceeding with adopting until the debt was paid. But God provided just enough from a bonus to make that a non-issue.  We had to ask ourselves “Ok, now what?”.

  We prayed about the adoption because, to enter into this process and to file a Letter of Intent (LOI), meant Kelly was no longer able to be adopted by anyone else.  What if we couldn’t finish in time?  What if someone else already in the process wanted to adopt her?  Would we stop her from having a chance at a family?  But she had been advocated for by others for quite sometime and no one mentioned trying to adopt her.  We prayed some more, felt God’s lead, and decided to proceed.

  I sent an e-mail to our agency and said, “Is this possible?  We have 170 days.”  They said, “It is possible if everything goes perfectly.  We will do our best.” Having been through this process twice before, I knew things rarely go perfectly, but God was leading so we followed and trusted.

  The first issue was getting the file transferred to our agency.  We know this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes in aging out children they will allow it.  We heard that the other agency would allow the transfer and we sang praises.

  With our last adoptions, we were delayed by the rejection of the fingerprints of our handicapped 27 year old son.  Each of those rejections can add six weeks of time to get a new set of prints done.  You have to be rejected twice and then to have them run manually.  We didn’t have the luxury of time with Kelly’s adoption, but then the most amazing thing happened.  I heard from our social worker, Jan, that she knows someone who can get these prints done with a three day turnaround.  What an Amazing God provision!

  Not only were Codey’s fingerprints rejected, but Linda’s (Dan’s mom) were too.  What a mess.  We are at a loss.  We have to start all over at square one.   I called customer service at the FBI.  I asked to talk to supervisors.  I talked to the people who ran Codey’s prints to start with.  Everyone said there is nothing they can do.   But then Jan remembered something from a previous inservice she had attended, she placed a call and amazingly, something we were told could not be rushed and would take another six weeks, gets done the very next day.  God provides again.

  In the middle of Evie and Eli’s surgery we were trying to complete our 1-800A to be able to get it authenticated at the Secretary of State’s office and then the Chinese Consulate so we could complete our dossier and send it to our agency for review.  The goal was to have the dossier done, translated, and set to China by the end of May.  We had to get them to agree to expedite the 1-800A, which is usually at least a 30 day turnaround.  They agreed to expedite and went above and beyond in helping my daughter get things together since we were out of state.

  We have had this happen over and over again.  Just recently we were told that it would take 2-3 weeks to get LID after they mailed our dossier.  The timeline was to have our dossier reviewed by our agency, sometimes this can take 1-2 weeks.  Mail said dossier to China which takes 3-5 days to arrive and then wait for China to log in dossier, which can take 2-3 weeks.  Our dossier was mailed on the 6th of June, arrived in China on the 9th and was logged in on the 10th.   More provisions.

  We are now waiting on our Letter of Acceptance (LOA).  These have been taking 60-90 days.   The quickest turnaround our agency has seen was two weeks.  Refer back to our time frame….60 days left.  This is not doable by man’s hands; good thing it is in someone else’s hands.

  Praise the Lord, we received our soft LOA yesterday, the 17th, one week after being LID!  How could we not stand in awe of a God that can move mountains for one sweet little girl half-way around the world?

  Our LOA is needed to file the final immigration papers (1-800), which allow us to bring two children into the U.S.  After that we still need to get our Article 5 (which informs the foreign central authority that U.S. competent authorities have determined the prospective adoptive parents are eligible and suited to adopt), which will then allow for travel approval (TA) and our consulate appointment (CA).  We will then be set to travel.  The only catch?  Evie’s surgery has been rescheduled for July 17th and we need to be in China before August 17th to adopt Kelly.

  But as with everything else in this crazy adoption, things change.  Evie’s teeth look pretty bad.  We decide we need to get her teeth done before heart surgery and her dentist graciously works Evie into the schedule.  Yesterday, we got to claim the blessing of protections unknown.  Evie had an abscessed tooth.  We didn’t even know it.  She had no fever and no pain.   Had Evie not gotten the cold and had we proceeded with her surgery, then we could have been looking at endocarditis right now.   There’s a proven correlation between oral health and heart health. If you have dental problems, it can cause bursts of bacteria into the blood stream and if you have any artificial material, like Evie’s BT shunt, bacteria can stick to it and it can be very difficult to treat. It’s not just the shunt but kids with heart defects in general are at risk for endocarditis.

  An abscessed tooth means removal of that tooth and a possible delay of surgery.  I am unsure of what will happen now, but I know that God knows and I am trusting with all my heart.

  Since the beginning of this crazy adoption journey, we knew it was going to be all His doing.  I do know that sometimes He brings you to things to learn and to grow and it doesn’t always necessarily go the way we had prayed or hoped.  I have learned a lot about older child adoptions, about expediting adoptions. I have learned that children don’t always want to leave their country and we can’t assume we know what is best all the time.  I have decided that there are changes that need to be made.  There is so much redundancy and extra unnecessary cost, which in turn makes children wait for longer than necessary.  There has to be a better way.

  Elijah’s surgery has been scheduled for September, well after the time we get home with the girls.  All that remains is Evie’s surgery and this process.  We specifically want to travel before the surgeries.  Please pray for things to move as quickly as they can.  God has heard your prayers and we are forever thankful.

  In the meantime, I have received pictures of Kelly that make my heart smile.  We are still waiting on an update for Elyse.

  

  This mama’s heart is hopeful and joyful – expectantly waiting on the Lord.

• Happy Father’s Day

  Date: 2014.06.14 | Category: Adoption, Family Life

  It’s Father’s Day today….just in case you didn’t know.

  It’s the day when you are supposed to thank your husband for all he does for your children.

  

  The challenge for me is how do you thank the man who has held you up during the hardest times in your life…

  

  and has readily embraced all your crazy dreams.

  

  How do you find the words that would adequately thank him for talking you into having another child because you have always dreamed of having a little girl?

  

  How do you thank him for praying over and over again for your heart to be open to the idea of adoption.

  

  Or thank him for caring about a little one when everyone else told him he was crazy?

  

  Early in our marriage, Dan taught me about God’s grace.

  He taught me to trust God’s plan for my life.

  He taught me how to not worry and to be content.

  He taught me how to love.

  How do you thank someone for those things?

  

  Dan adores his children.

  He loves them with all his heart.

  He is happiest when his children are content.

  

  He likes to find unique ways to spend one on one time with each one of them.

  

  He readily took on seven (soon to be nine) daughters…

  just let that one sink in for a while….nine daughters.

  

  He cares for the helpless, he opens his heart wide to their hurts.

  

  He allowed his midlife crisis car to be a bus.

  

  Thank you sweetheart for always standing by my side and holding my hand during the hard times and the good times.

  

  As Francis Chan says – “Our greatest fear in life should not be of failure but of succeeding at things that really don’t matter.”

  Thank you for understanding what really matters.

   

• Why?

  Date: 2014.05.25 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Faith

  It’s been an interesting month to say the least.  We headed off to Boston ready to complete Evie’s heart cath and surgery only to have her surgery canceled due to a cold that she caught while we were there.  We received wonderful news from the cath and we were okay with waiting if that was what we needed to do.  The next surgery for her requires very healthy lungs and even then you can end up with pleural effusions.  When Hope had her surgery she had a chest tube for months.  We will wait 4-6 weeks for Evie to be well and then try again.

  This past Wednesday, we headed off to Stanford for Eli’s heart cath and surgery only to have his surgery canceled due to concerns over how his back teeth looked.  We knew there were concerns about his teeth, but there was also concern about how well he would do under anethesia.  No one really knew because he hadn’t had a cath since he was 8 months old in China.  He has no main branch pulmonary arteries.  No one knew if he would decompensate under general anesthesia or be able to handle it fine.  This past year has been complicated. We didn’t do a heart cath in Iowa because we had been told that Dr. Hanley would require his own anyway so we waited.  We initially were to be seen in January, then we got bumped and bumped again until we ended up with a final date in the end of May.

  

  Eli did great during his heart cath and we were given the great news that he is a wonderful candidate for the unifocalization procedure.  He has four main areas of collaterals each branching off from a single source.  The single sources will be joined together in the unifocalization surgery.  What this means is Eli may be lucky blessed enough to need just one surgery instead of a two or three step surgery process.  Everyone was amazed that he is this old, with his CHD unrepaired, and was still doing relatively well.  His sats are mid to low 70’s.  He regulates himself but is able to play relatively hard unlike Ben who could barely run around the living room without having to sit down.   After the cath, the doctor informed us that a few of Eli’s arteries had grown with him.  She said this doesn’t always happen but that was the reason Eli had been doing so well.  Praises for arteries that grow with little boys.

  Which brings me to the title of this post.  Why?

  When we are in the hospital, we often have the question posed to us.  “Why did you adopt so many children with special needs?”

  We aren’t running around yelling “Do you want to hear about our children?  Did you hear what we did?” blah, blah, blah.  Dan and I both know this is a God thing and all the glory goes to Him.  We know this isn’t about us.  The truth is we didn’t set out to adopt this many children.  We didn’t even have adoption on our radar when the first adoption happened.  As the years have gone by, we have simply been obedient to the call of God.

  This is how they find out, it usually starts out like this.   “Are there any smokers in the house?”  “No.”   “Are there any pets in the house?”  “Yes, two dogs.”  “Are there any siblings in the house?” “Yes, do you need them named or would you like a number?”  “Number is fine.”  “We have twelve children.  Ten are still in the home.”  “YOU HAVE TWELVE CHILDREN!?!?!”  “Yes, we are very blessed.”  “Your house must be crazy and loud.”   “Yes, we have a very loud, loving home.”  “Really?  Twelve children?”  “Really!  “Wow! I could never do that.”

  Usually then what happens is they leave for a bit and come back later to say, “Can I ask you a personal question?”  We never mind answering those personal questions because people are usually just curious as to why.  Our answers vary but the first answer to why is always…

  We are being obedient to God’s calling.  We never set out to do this.  When we got married we didn’t say we are going to adopt this many children. We have just followed where He called us to go.  I can guarantee you when we left to adopt Ben and Maisey we weren’t talking about adopting again.  We were talking about how we had to do all the tours because we would never be in China again.  We wanted to see the culture and know first hand about where our children were born.   I had no clue that God would lead us to four.  I don’t believe anyone starts out thinking they will adopt six children in two years.

  When we started our homestudy a couple months after we got home, we talked about putting four on our homestudy.  I remember laughing because why would we put four?   China only allows two at a time.  There are no sibling groups to adopt, but we felt God was saying four.  So four is what we were allowed to put on that homestudy. We had the most amazing year watching God’s plans unfold.  Who gets the blessing of adopting four children, who aren’t related, all at once?  What a year of miracles it was.

  But this question doesn’t always answer it for people.   If you haven’t ever been obedient to the call of God or if you have never heard Him whisper to your heart and lead you, it is hard to wrap your head around this.

  We let people know what an amazing blessing it is to parent these children.  We don’t feel burdened.  We feel blessed.  We don’t walk around every day in our house thinking about all the special needs our children have.  They are, first and foremost, children.  That is what I see when they run around.  Many times I forget that they have special needs.  When I look at their little faces, I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed with the blessings that I have been allowed to have.

  We tell them a little about institutional life and how every child deserves a family.  We talk about the groups we support that encourage foster homes and group homes with a more family like atmosphere.   We talk about how we continue to learn more and our hearts continue to break for those children who are left behind.  I often mention the books that have helped me understand even more.  (The House of Hope, Wish You a Happy Forever, and Silent Tears)

  We talk about how many children are waiting.  How we wish we could do more.  How if they saw these children’s faces, they would be forever changed.   My life has been forever changed by the faces I have seen both in China and advocated for on other’s blogs and Facebook pages.  David Platt has the best quote about this.  “We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.

  Everything changed for us the day we saw Ben and Maisey’s faces and held them in our arms.

  As we were flying home with Eli, I thought about this some more.  I remembered that it was the one year anniversary of the last four arriving in the U.S.  I sat there with little Eli on my lap and contemplated how far he had come this year.

  When you adopt, there are many hard, trying and painful things that happen.  Your children come from a very hard place.  A place where food isn’t plentiful.  Many of our children were severely malnourished and have severe teeth decay because of the malnutrition and lack of oral hygiene.  They haven’t been taught the ins and outs of life.  How many times do you redirect your child as they grow?  How many times do you say “No” and redirect them?  How many times do you say “We don’t take toys from other people.”  “We don’t hit other people.” “We eat with our mouths closed.” “We say please.”  and “We say thank you.”  the list could go on and on.

  As our bio children are growing, we praise them so they know we support them.  We encourage our children.  We love them even when they are being naughty and they learn unconditional love.  We hold them.  We lift them up.  We feed them when they are hungry.  We comfort them when they are crying.  We bandage their booboos.   We hold their hands when they are afraid.

  If you are raised in an institution, you don’t have that input.  You don’t understand why.  Many times you are left in your crib or a chair.  You are fed when they say.  You are fed an amount that they dictate.  You don’t decide what you wear or where you go or what you eat.  You are told what to do and when to do it.  Many of these children have a very hard time deciding anything for themselves.

  Recently with Jasmine we had an issue where she didn’t ask to go the bathroom.  I asked her why she didn’t just ask someone.  She told me that she didn’t know.  Then she stated that she didn’t know she could ask someone.  Jasmine spent her life in an orphanage where she was in a wheelchair that she could not move.  She sat in a corner unless someone moved her.  She wasn’t allowed to go to school or eat with the other children because it was on a completely different floor and there is no elevator.  She had one shower a week.  She sometimes forgets she can move her power wheelchair.  What an institution does to a child is so much more than just not being fed.

  You may think you understand but until you see these children’s blank faces I don’t think you can truly grasp what they go through.  Until you see the way they hang their heads with that blank stare, you can’t grasp what institutional life really does to their little souls.  Until you watch them devour food for hours, fall asleep holding food, and cry if you move their food, you can’t grasp how hungry they are.  Until you see them unable to let you hold them and comfort them, can you grasp what their little hearts have been through and the walls they have built for protection.  Until you see them get hurt and not cry, can you grasp the magnitude of what it means to learn that no one cares or will come when you are hurt and cry out.  All of these things broke our hearts for the orphan.  All of these things made us wish we could do more.

  We wish we could do more because the past two years have been amazing. The past two years have shown us what can happen when children receive love, food, and medical care.  Our hearts were filled with love the first time they came to us so we could kiss their booboo.  The first time they finally allowed us to hold them while they fell asleep.  The trust that they have that we will protect them.  The first smile.  The first laugh.  The love they have for each other.

  Every time we have brought these children home they have become family….instantly.  Everyone was welcomed into the family.  Everyone was loved, no matter what your special need.  These are beautiful examples of God’s unconditional love for us.  How He adopts us into His family no matter who we are, what we’ve done, or where we came from.

  This is why we do it.  Because God called us.  Because by being obedient to his call, He has taken us on a journey that we never would have thought to start on, but one that has blessed us and changed us in ways that we could never put a price on.  I think if you could see what I have seen, if you could feel what my heart has felt, the question wouldn’t be why.  The question would be why not!

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

• Elyse

  Date: 2014.05.17 | Category: Adoption, Elyse, Faith

  Please say hello to Elyse or Lysee (LeeCee) as everyone has started calling her.

  

  Isn’t she beautiful?  Can’t you just see the sweetness shining through that wonderful smile?

  Many of you have been waiting to hear her story.  I apologize that it has taken me so long to get this down in writing, but here is part of her story.

  In the midst of discussions between Dan and I about adopting Kelly*, I brought up adopting one more.  I was having a hard time conveying to Dan just why I felt we were being called to adopt two so I put all my thoughts about adopting two at a time in an e-mail to him and asked him not to respond and just let it “percolate” a bit.  He talked with me later that afternoon and asked “are you crazy” and told me “absolutely not”, but I know how God works with him.  If God was placing it on my heart, then God would work on Dan’s heart too.  I didn’t need to nag him.  I just let it be.

  A couple days later he told me that he had an image of what this little girl would look like – yellow wheelchair, pig tails, not a toddler or a teenager.   If God meant for it to be, we would find her.  I immediately typed in “little girl in yellow wheelchair, with pigtails, adoption”.   Alas, Google was not helpful, it was not going to be that easy.  I looked at all the pictures on Reece’s Rainbow and didn’t find her.  I asked my Facebook friend Annie how I would go about finding lists of little girls in wheelchairs.  I couldn’t ask Annie to advocate for her.  I just needed to know what my options were.

  There are many groups advocating for children from China both on Facebook and Yahoo groups.  I trusted that God would bring her to us.  I saw many pictures of girls in wheelchairs and then Annie posted about a little girl on one of those Facebook groups.  I watched her video and she was just so sweet.  I didn’t have an immediate reaction of “yes, this is her” but I did think she was beautiful, sweet, and had the very best smile.  So just for the heck of it (and yes, I admit I was being more than a little ornery), I sent the video to Dan.  I texted him saying, “How about a light blue wheelchair and yellow rubberbands with the pigtails. lol”

  

  I couldn’t believe it?!?! Spina bifida?  Kelly has spina bifida too.   When we decided that we would adopt two, I had said it would be nice if their special needs were similar so that when we were making appointments at the Children’s Hospital I could double up.  The hospital is 2 hours away and although it wasn’t a requirement it would make life a little easier.  Plus, before Dan told me his vision of what the little girl looked like, I had been looking at lots of aging out girls, other mothers had even sent me information about other girls they were advocating for, but Gracie, who is 9, had said on more than one occasion that it would be nice to adopt a little girl who was her age.  What I didn’t know was how hard Gracie was praying for a little girl close to her age.  I didn’t know this until after we started talking about Elyse.  Gracie later apologized for praying so hard for a little girl her age, but what a wonderful blessing it has turned out to be.  How can you be upset about a little girl’s answered prayers?

  And here was his response….

  

  I thought he was joking until I got home and saw his face.  He was serious.  This little girl was his daughter.  He looked at me and said, “We need to go get her.”   This was amazing and could only be from God.  Just so you get the whole picture I’m including his words from an e-mail he sent to his friend the next day.

  Just to fill in the story on her.  My dear Lisa had the audacity to ask me about adopting one more on this trip. I have never been more unreceptive to adopting more kids than I was at that moment. An image briefly flashed in my head, and I snapped at her and said – “OK, find me a little girl in a wheelchair, but not a toddler and not a teen. She should have pigtails. And a wheelchair with yellow on it. Otherwise forget it.”

  The next day she sent me a link to a video.
  

  I could not have been much more negative at that point if I tried. I started watching it, and just burst into tears. It was just like when I first saw Jasmine. Keep in mind, I’m not prone to bursting into tears, and this isn’t the first cute orphan I’ve seen. I was just wrecked. Then she sang MaMa Hao. I had written something to Lisa a few weeks ago about this song. I had read the lyrics, and posted a little tribute to her stating that this song captures how her children feel about their new mommy. And there she was singing it to us. It was like God slapped me upside my head. By the time the video was over I knew she was mine, and texted Lisa saying simply “She is my daughter”. There she was, exactly what I asked for in living color (the yellow was in her coat, not the wheelchair). 

  After I resuscitated Lisa, we talked to Lifeline, and they agreed to transfer her file to CCAI since we had already started with them for Kelly. We had a brief 24 hours of terror, as another family was reviewing her file. But the next day, she was transferred to CCAI, and the LOI was sent about ten minutes later (that was yesterday afternoon).

  As you have just read in his message, Elyse was singing the same song Dan had posted to my Facebook just weeks before.   Here is that post.

  

  But as only God can do, there was more.  Dan’s friend knew this little girl as she had once been in their foster care program. We had no idea that she had been cared for by them. She let Dan know that they had pictures of Elyse from when she was a baby.  I cried happy tears.  One of the things that has been the hardest for me with my adopted children is the lack of baby pictures.

  Not only that but we found out their organization had been advocating for years to get her paper ready and had all but given up hope that the orphanage would ever do so.  But the orphanage recently decided to get her paper ready.  God is good!  Have I mentioned that before?  Well, it is worth repeating, over and over again!

  Many times you never get to hear your adopted children’s stories.  Their years previous to joining your family are just lost, but I have been blessed over and over again.  Jasmine was with Love Without Boundaries so we have updates with pictures over many, many years.  Maisey and Lainey were with New Hope Foundation so we have pictures from their stays.  Eli was at Maria’s Big House of Hope.  Ben and Evie are the only two we don’t have information on.  And now with Kelly at Agape and Elyse having previously been in Love Without Boundaries foster care, I will have their information.  I am one blessed mama.

  

  We had a nerve wracking 24 hours waiting to see if the other family would proceed.  We were blessed in that Lifeline chose to transfer her file.  We know this doesn’t always happen and isn’t always possible.  We can’t thank them enough for helping advocate for our girls.  We are blessed that our agency has been fighting hard to beat Kelly’s August 17th deadline.  Not all agencies are willing to do this.  We have so much support.  It has been overwhelming.  I posted about having PA for Kelly and over 200 people have liked that post and so many have commented about how they have prayed for her and advocated for her. One day I will be able to show her that she has been loved and prayed for by so many.   I now have the same thing with Elyse.  People who have advocated for her and loved her and prayed for her have sent us messages.  What a gift to share with my girls.

  I am so excited to work as hard as we can to get the paperwork through. We have 92 days left.  92 days to get immigration clearance, get the dossier sent, LOA, Article 5, and a travel date is not a lot of time, but we have faith that it is being taken care of by God.  As was shown recently with the fingerprinting for our homestudy.

  We had Linda and Codey fingerprinted and sent through a courier. We went through a courier because there was a three day turnaround and we knew Codey prints were going to be rejected.   They were both rejected twice so we thought we could do it manually as we have done the previous two adoptions, but there is some new law that makes this no longer available.  The FBI said they could not use the rejection letters from the courier so we needed to start from square one.  They informed us there would be a 5-6 week wait for the prints to clear and considering our dossier needs to leave for China by the end of May, we just didn’t have that much time.  I talked to numerous people at the FBI customer service desk and was told the same thing over and over again, “There’s nothing we can do.  There is no way to expedite this.”

  We can’t finish the homestudy without the fingerprint clearance.  Without the homestudy we can’t get our 1-800a form.  Without our 1-800a form, we can not finish our dossier.  Without our dossier being finished and sent to China, China can’t proceed with LOA and on and on and on.  It is horrible.  I was in Boston and there was nothing I could do.  And then all of a sudden we got the news that someone had interceded on our behalf.  Codey and Linda’s prints cleared.  It was amazing.  What we were told over and over again couldn’t happen….happened!

  We see his hand all over the girl’s adoptions and we are expectantly waiting to watch it all unfold in His perfect timing!

  God is good and we are all feeling blessed!

  *Edited to add that Kelly ultimately decided to stay in China and we did not push for the adoption after we found out that she didn’t want to leave the group home that she lived in.  We wanted to honor her request to stay in the only home she had known with the people she loved.

• My Mother’s Day Wishes

  Date: 2014.05.11 | Category: Adoption, Faith

  I want to wish all the mamas I know a very Happy Mother’s Day!

  I want to wish peace to those who are waiting to become a mother for the first time or are in the process again.

  I want to wish comfort to those, like me, who are missing their mothers so much, not just today, but everyday.

  I pray for eyes to be open to all the children who are longing for a mother.

  I pray for hearts to hear the call of the Lord to care for these hurting souls.

  I pray for homes to be open to foster children in need.

  I pray for encouragement and help for mothers in our communities, near or far, who need a helping hand.

  I pray for the mamas whose children forget them today.

  I pray for the mamas who have had children die.

  I pray for my two sweeties who are not yet with us.

  

  Being a mama is the best job I could ever hope for.  I have been blessed over and over again with sweet, wonderful souls that have made my life a better, fuller, brighter, happier place.  They have strengthened my faith and helped me grow in ways I could have never imagined when I first became a mother.  When I was young I wanted to be a nurse, a teacher, and a mother to 12.  I have been all of those things and more during the past 27 years. Every day is Mother’s Day at our house and I am one very blessed mama.  Thank you for making me a mama -Codey, Kyle, Zachary, Cassandra, Hope, Jasmine, Grace, Benjamin, Maisey, Lainey, Evangeline and Elijah.

• What about your other children?

  Date: 2014.05.09 | Category: Adoption, Faith

  In the midst of Evie and Eli’s upcoming surgeries, I have been doing a lot of praying and thinking. I have been asked the question, “What about your other children?” quite a few times.  I recently read a post in one of the heart groups I belong to where the parents said they thought they could handle anything, but they were unsure of whether to proceed with adopting a special needs child for fear it would hurt their other children.

  It’s a legitimate concern.   You have to consider everything.  The problem is you can’t guess everything nor can you truly know what the future is going to bring.   There is no way to know.  Plus, everyone automatically assumes that it is going to do harm to your other children.

  I can’t talk for everyone else’s children, only mine, but I can say that they will tell you it was worth it and have been on board to adopt again, each and every time.  That does not mean that there won’t be pain or times when their hearts hurt.

  The night before we left for Boston, we were talking about how we were all going to meet so we could walk around the lake together before we left for the airport.  Little Gracie, who is 9, came to me with tears in her eyes.  She said, “I know why we are walking around the lake mama.”

  I said, “You do?  I thought we were walking around the lake because it’s supposed to be a beautiful day and we want to be together.”

  Gracie said, “We are walking around the lake together so we have a really good memory of our last time together in case Evie doesn’t make it.”

  That’s a lot for a nine year old to handle.  Her baby sister might not come home.  When we leave to get on that plane, it may be the last time she sees her.

  So I asked her, “Would you do it again, Gracie?”

  Her reply was this, “I would do it again even if I only knew her for a week mommy.”

  All of this talk got me to thinking about writing a blog post about what my older children feel about the adoptions.  I told them to be honest because it might help other people.  I asked them three simple questions:  1.) Would you do it again?   2.) How has it changed your life?  and 3.) What has been the hardest part?

  Here are their answers:

  Zachary (25 years old)

  1.) Absolutely.

  2.) It has given me a sincere appreciation for the brevity of life, and has taught me to not sweat the small stuff and instead treasure every moment, good and bad. It has also taught me how to prioritize and recognize what is actually important in life, not just what’s appealing to that desire for instant gratification.

  3.) During the moments before the surgeries, not knowing how things are going to turn out. Everyone has those situations in their life; they just tend to happen a bit more often with a heart kid.

  Cassie (21 years old)

  1.) I would adopt them again in a heartbeat. Knowing that they probably have a shorter lifespan doesn’t contradict the fact that they are the most wonderful little people. Every kiss, every giggle, every “I love you” is worth the future pain. They deserved more than to die alone and forgotten.

  2.) They have changed my life in more ways than I can possibly imagine. Because of them, I try to be more compassionate to people, I’ve learned that many people are ignorant, but willing to be taught about adoption and disabilities, while others are just jerks. I’ve learned how to laugh more, not worry about the small things, and, ultimately, to rely on God. He has a plan for them; it may not be the same plan I want, but I know that He is in control, not me.

  3.) The hardest part has been knowing they have a shorter life expectancy. If you dwell on that, everyone will be miserable. I have to think about the fact that we all have a limited number of days, their life calendars are just a bit more visible than ours; we know they have shorter lives.   Seeing them in pain, surgery or residual from the institution is also hard. It’s easy to forget where they come from and the pain and memories they bring with them. Though it hurts your heart to talk through their past with them, we need to listen when they talk. We don’t need to pry or push, but sometimes they need you to know what happened before they were loved.

  Hope (15 years old) 

  1.) Yes and I would adopt again if I felt God was leading us to them.

  2.) I have little kids to play with.  lol

  3.) Worrying about the surgeries.

  Grace (9 years old)

  1.) Yes.

  2.) A lot; in a lot of ways.  Like how cute Evie is and how she is walking and talking when she was just sitting in a chair and would probably have died.  Seeing how good Lainey is.  How far Jasmine has come and how silly she is.

  3.) Not getting them for a long time.  It’s also really hard if they’re really sick.

  I can also tell you that not every one of my children want to have a big family but they all believe in adoption.  Hope knows carrying a child may be dangerous to her health, but she doesn’t even blink and says I will adopt.  Cassie is already planning her adoption trips and the special needs children she hopes to one day be the mother too.  Gracie is in a league all her own.  Jasmine and her dream of adopting 20 and driving an even bigger bus.  Gracie and Jasmine have not given up hope that Dan and I will consider adopting more.

  All of this talk got Cassie to thinking more about the subject and she wrote a blog about it too. You can read it here:  Thankful for the Crazy

  It’s true your children will be changed. Everyone assumes that it will be for the worst, but maybe, just maybe their faith will be strengthened, your family will grow closer, and your walk with God will be strengthened and in my book those are pretty amazing things.

   

   

• Joseph

  Date: 2014.04.17 | Category: Adoption

  JOSEPH

  I have always loved that name.

  Joseph has big dreams.

  He would like to be adopted.

  

  He would like to go to America.

  

  He would like to be a doctor.

  Could you be the family he is looking for?

  Could you be the person who supports him as he strives for his dream?

  He has waited a long time.

  Every year that passes makes his dreams seem less likely…

  but he hasn’t given up hope.

  Don’t let his dreams die.

  Let’s find this sweet boy a family and send him on his way to being all that he can be!

  You can see more pictures and read more about him at Agape – Joseph