Author Archive
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Wow! Just Wow!
After talking with a friend, I felt I needed to clarify what I wrote a little bit. I am not talking about the adoption agencies, I don’t know these specific families, I know nothing about adoptions in Liberia, or the Magazine Above Rubies, but what I am talking about is how the church was portrayed. The title says it all “Orphan Fever: The Evangelical Movement’s Adoption Obsession”. The number of adoptions have fallen drastically in the past few years. The last thing that needs to happen is for people to be turned off even more to adoption. The truth needs to be told. There needs to be lots of information on all sides. There needs to be safe guards in place to protect all who are involved. There needs to be lots of support for the child and the family. But really….how can anyone say that the church is wrong for promoting adoption of the orphan?
I recently read an article by Mother Jones, that many are talking about, called “Orphan Fever”. I read this article and was livid. It makes me angry that people would take something that is good and pick the worst possible scenarios and act as if that is the way everyone who is a Christian feels about adoption.
I have always taught my children that when they become instantly defensive or angry about something they need to look closely at why they became so angry. Is it because there is a grain of truth to it and you need to change something about yourself or is it because something truly needs to be defended? I was obviously upset about this article so I started to look at the reason why I was angry.
One of the reason I became so angry about the stories in that article is because there are supposed to be safe guards in place to protect against this kind of thing. No child should end up in a worse situation after being adopted. The article makes it sound that way for the first family. My children will be loved and we have more than enough love, resources, people, and abilities to care for them so I know that wasn’t it.
Another reason is because the article makes it sound like Christians aren’t adopting because they love the child but because they are trying to evangelize them. I know that doesn’t apply to me. It’s not that I don’t hope that my children will be saved, in all honesty I do, but that isn’t the main reason we are adopting. We set out to adopt our children after having a true sign. We knew these were our children. Each time it was a little different but it was a sure sign. We loved these children.
There were many other points in that article that had no bearing on why we were adopting. So one by one I ruled out the reasons why I would take it personally.
Which lead me to the real reason it made me so angry. It made me angry because it shines such a poor light on why the church is promoting adoption. One of the things I want to do most in the coming years is show the church why it is so important to promote and support adoption. Many people feel unable to adopt because of lack of support or lack of money or lack of guidance and just plain fear. God says in James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. The church should be helping people see the need and God’s calling for adoption, but Satan is a crafty little fellow. He decides “Let’s make adoption and Christians look bad. Let’s really scare people away.” It’s hard to believe that this could be done yet this article does it. That is why I was so angry. It takes away from what the church is and should be doing. How can trying to help orphans find a family be a bad thing?
Satan loves to use things like this to make us fearful. Fearful of what others might say. Fearful of what others will think. Believe me I know. I’ve talked about it a lot lately. In my post about keeping my eyes on the Lord. (Blog Post) And I recently posted about people questioning my daughter about our adoptions. (Blog Post)
I am beyond thrilled that God has led us to these children. I realize that our family is unique. I realize that this is out of the norm. It just breaks my heart to hear others question it. Let me rephrase that, I understand if someone is truly asking questions because they want to know. I’d love to give you statistics. I’d love to give you a glimpse of just how bad institutional care is for a child. I’d love to share with you what I’ve seen and how my heart has been forever changed. I’d love to tell you about how God has led us to these children. I’d love to share with you just how blessed our whole family feels. But I know that many of these questions aren’t asked because the person is feeling inquisitive or truly wondering about adoption for themselves. These questions are asked with disdain and dismay and sometimes outright disgust. The sad part is I know I’m not alone in being asked these questions, I’ve read many blogs lately where moms have complained about the questions that they are being asked. There is actually a whole series of videos on you-tube showing the questions people get asked about adoption. (Video) What kind of questions you might ask?
Here’s a list of some of the one’s I’ve been asked recently and yes, I’ve even blogged about that before. (Blog Post)
Aren’t you done yet?
Don’t you think you have enough already?
Don’t you realize what adopting children with special needs will do to our taxes?
Don’t you realize what adding these children on to your insurance will do to our insurance premiums?
Don’t you feel bad about not having enough time to spend with each child?
Aren’t you worried about quality time?
Aren’t you worried about one on one time?
What about dance and soccer and all the other fun things they won’t be able to do?
Aren’t you worried about what this will do to your other kids?
Why in the world would you get four at once?
How did you afford them?
Why didn’t you just adopt from this country?
And my all time favorite….
Have you lost your mind?
Wow! Really? How about it I ask you some really personal questions just for the fun of it. I’ll ask a disparaging question, not because I really want to know the truth but because I feel the need to feel superior to you in some way. It feels like I’m being attacked for wanting to go to China and get MY children. Which too me is like someone questioning why I am choosing to carry this baby to term. I’m not doing this because I’m “addicted” to adoption. I’m not doing this to feel better about myself. I’m not doing this to save another soul, though I do pray that is the outcome. I’m not doing this so I look good in my church. I’m not doing this so someone will write an article about me. I’m not doing this for any other reason than these are my children and I would move heaven and heart to get them. All I want to do is love them. I want what is best for them and if you think what is best for them is staying in their home country and living in an orphanage, then I’d have to use the same response that Dan gave our daughter, Cassie, to use, “What the heck is wrong with you?”
Do you want to know the truth? The truth is that the life of an orphan sucks! It’s not all warm and fuzzy. Here’s the truth for our Min. She will be on the street, in a very poor part of the country, without her wheelchair, with no education, no ADA, no disability payments, and NO WHERE to go. So will she be worried about one on one time or no dance or all the other fun things she might miss out on? Nope! I’m pretty sure I can guarantee you that she won’t be. I don’t gamble but I’d bet money on that one. She IS my child. I’m not going to apologize for loving her and caring about her. Or Let’s talk about my Ben, Eli or Evie? You think it would be better for them to die alone in an orphanage? Do you think they really care about soccer or how much one on one time they will get? They will die ALONE in an orphanage. It’s not a maybe, it’s a for sure. They have non-fixable heart defects. No one will be holding their hand. No one will comfort them. No one will be crying any tears. No one! How could that, in any way, sound better than having the love of a family?
Does it suck that many in China aren’t able to care for their children. You’re darn right it does. Does it suck that families feel they have no other choice but to abandon their child in hopes that they get care? YES! I hate it. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t. We are talking about 100’s of years of superstitions. They believe a child who has a birth defect is a curse to the family. There are many, many things in their culture that make caring for a child who is ill an issue – money, family beliefs, one child policy, needing a male in the family, etc. I can’t change China’s policies, but I can help Min. Maybe someday I will be able to let her family know that she has been taken care of and is loved beyond measure. I mean they cared for her for almost eight years. I believe that they loved her and did what they thought was best. And for that reason, I pray every day for peace for my children’s birth mothers. I can’t even imagine what that must be like. I can’t imagine the pain they must be feeling.
In the meantime, I know that there are many who will disagree with what we are doing. That is a hard thing to take. Because how can loving a child be viewed as wrong? How can trying to make a child’s life better be viewed as wrong? That is the hard part about being a Christian and living in this world. You follow God’s lead and do what you believe is the right thing to do and people will still criticize you. Which is why you always need to keep your eyes on the Lord. You’d think at this point I’d be okay with this. People are going to question things. I should know by now that you can’t please everyone, not everyone is going to agree with you, and not everyone is going to support you. It just hurts, not because I want them to think more of me, but because I want them to understand how many hurting children there are all around the world. That is why I started this blog, to show how beautiful adoption is. I wanted to show how by setting out to bless a child, you end up being the one who is blessed beyond measure. Children deserve a family and love. I just want to make others understand that. I guess that is it. Think what you want about me but open your eyes to the plight of the orphan in the world. Do what you can to help another child. Spread the word. Satan would love nothing more than for all of us to forget the orphan. But James 1:27 tells us differently…..this is true religion.
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Adoption Update & O.C.C.
ADOPTION UPDATE:
We have been given the tentative travel date of May 4th. We have travel approval for all three girls. The last bit of paperwork for Eli is his Article 5 and then we will have Travel Approval for him too. Everyone has been exceedingly kind and expedited his paperwork. He really needs to get here and get checked out and it looks as if God is going to allow that to happen. We have been so blessed that everyone has been so open to looking out for his papers and proceeding as quickly as they can. There are so many hoops to jump through with adoption and so many bureaucratic stops along the way. It boggles my mind sometimes. I was so surprised that we had to start from square one again considering it had only been a year since we started our last adoptions, but after hearing story after story on the STUCK tour, I am counting my blessings that it has gone as smoothly as it has.
I love God’s sense of humor with the travel date of May 4th. I have always had a hard time from April 30th (Codey & Kyle’s birthday) until May 4th when Kyle died and a few days later for his funeral. It isn’t like I’m severely depressed during that time, it just breaks my heart that things didn’t turn out the way I had dreamed. Some years are better than others, but there are always many, many memories that come with those dates. My water broke on the way to our second Lamaze class and I was life flighted down to Des Moines. My whole life changed in that instant. We never went home, moved to the Ronald McDonald House, and spent the next 14 months in the hospital with Codey. When you are dreaming about your life and the joy of carrying twins, that is not the fairy tale ending you had hoped for. We had to bury our son and we didn’t have the money to do that. I’ve talked about all of this before so I won’t go into details. I’m pretty sure you can clearly see my dislike for that first week in May, but now I am looking forward to it. I actually want those days to arrive. I want to go get my girls and my little boy. I am so ready to be their mama. God’s timing is perfect and I love that delays ended up to us being blessed with all four of them and leaving during that week. As one of my Facebook friends said, “It will always be bitter/sweet from here on out.”
OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD
For those of you who don’t know what O.C.C. is, here is their site. Operation Christmas Child Since 1993, 100 million shoe boxes have been delivered in 130 countries. Isn’t that amazing? Initially I got involved through our home school tumbling group, but I was really moved hearing a young girl give her testimony at a Women of Faith Conference. She was talking about how she had never had a gift until she received her shoebox. I was thinking about my kids and how they probably couldn’t even remember what they got on their last birthday. It just really touched my heart. Ever since that time, the kids and I spend our year looking for bargains. We buy the toys in Targets $1.00 bin when they are 50% off. I’m that person you will see with a cart full of stuff. We buy shirts that are $1 at Wal-mart. We buy tablets, crayons, pencils, pens, pencil sharpeners and stickers after the back to school rush is over. I love that my children always keep their eyes peeled for bargains to put in the boxes.
These past two weekends have found me packing shoe boxes. (I have a feeling my life is going to get a little busy when we get home from China.) Being the dears they are, Mom and Linda (my mother-in-law) came down to help me with this monumental task. (Yes, I’m one of those lucky people whose mother-in-law is wonderful and her and my mom are actually friends. I am blessed!)
Why would packing shoe boxes be a monumental task you ask? Well, when I was sorting through old boxes in my storage room I found 100 plastic pencil boxes that mom had bought me a couple of years ago that I forgot about. We always buy them on clearance after school starts, I put them aside and we pack them for delivery around the middle of November. Like I said I forgot about these, add those to the 77 pencil boxes mom already bought to do the shoe boxes that I usually do, and that’s a lot of boxes. We have always done our shoe boxes in honor of Dan’s dad who passed away a few years ago. Terry liked the number 7 for Biblical reasons. First we started out doing 7 boxes in the 3 ages groups for boys and girls or 42 boxes. Over the past couple years the kids thought it would be fun to do 77 boxes. Oh boy! During the last couple of months, we’ve bought crayons, pencils, pens, etc. and had the pencil boxes all ready. Mom is a great bargain shopper and she bought a ton of stuff. We set to packing and we have 150 done. Isn’t that amazing? I thought it was a task to big to be completed and here we are almost done. Only 27 more to go. I gave my friends permission to buy those shoes they want so I can have the boxes. I hope their husbands don’t mind. 🙂
If you have the opportunity to participate in this amazing endeavor, please do so. I love how it takes my children’s eyes off themselves and puts them on others. Ben was super sweet today. He kept asking why we were doing it, I’d explain, and he would tell me how great it was to make other kids happy. I love watching them give of themselves.
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Happy Birthday Hopey!
I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but most of our babies have birthday buddies. 🙂 It’s funny how that has worked out. Codey & Kyle (4/30) were the original birthday buddies, then we have Dan (8/8) and Zach (8/5), Gracie (3/23) and Evie (3/25), Maisey (4/9) and Hopey (4/11), Cassie (5/29) and Min (6/1), Eli (1/17) and Gramp, gramps (1/20), and little Lainey (12/27) – We were talking about her not having a birthday buddy and Pastor said, “She has the best one yet, Jesus!” 🙂 Anyway…..
My sweet little Hopey turns 14 today. How is that even possible? It seems only yesterday that Dan was calling me to tell me how he fell in love with a baby in the NICU! Hopey’s story was and is amazing. I love how God brought her to us. I have said over and over again that there were so many things that had to line up for Hope to come into our lives. It was truly a miracle. I have written about her story many times so I won’t go into things I’ve covered before (you can read more here Hope’s story ), but I will say I love how Dan’s heart was so moved by a baby that was left alone in the NICU.
He fell head over heels for this sweet little girl! I mean who wouldn’t, just look at that face. We took a chance, trusted God’s plan and were blessed beyond measure!
She’s been through a lot. Three open heart surgeries, numerous caths, a broken stent in her left pulmonary artery, but overall she has done wonderfully.
Hopey has a unique sense of style. You never know what she will do to get a laugh. She is full of fun and goofiness.
She loves dragons, video games, How to Train Your Dragon, Skylanders, Pokemon, and her “wall of epicness”.
She is very talented with her artwork and can make a computer do amazing things.
She loves her puppy and her new siblings.
I’m not sure what God has in store for her, but I know He has blessed us by allowing us to have her in our lives for these past 14 years.
And because my blog has become their journal (because who has time to type all of this twice), I would be remiss to not mention how teenage boys respond to my Hopey. (Heaven help daddy. You can stop reading now honey.) Hope is not allowed to date until she is 16, but it doesn’t stop boys from talking to her because we are officially past the cootey stage. Every single time they start talking to her, someone asks her what she likes. The look on these boys’ faces when this little, blonde girl mentions that she loves dragons and video games, is pretty funny. Well, it’s funny because those same boys start out with “Oh you like Barbie and Littlest Pet Shop?” and she gets that disgusted look on her face and states the games that she loves to play. I mean, seriously now, Zach is her brother. She plays “real” games. She is a wonderful combination of girly girlness and uniqueness. I love that about her.
Happy birthday Hopey Girl (as Ben would say). Wishing you all the best as you continue to grow in God’s word. May He lead you and direct you. I’m looking forward to all the years ahead as Daddy and I continue to be blessed with having you in our lives. Love you sweetheart!
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Maisey Meilyn is 3!
I remember being matched with my little girl. I remember Dan and I praying about it and him giving her the nickname “cupcake”. I remember him saying that he was ready to be matched as soon as possible. We had just sent in our papers and they said we would probably be matched in 6 months or so. They called us to present Maisey the very next day. We had checked on the “Medical Conditions Checklist” that we would consider a deaf child. Cassie had just taken a year of ASL and thought we could do it. We agreed to accept this little girl as ours. I remember a few days later, I was standing in Linda’s kitchen, and realized that it was my little girl’s birthday. I cried. She was turning one and we were looking at a whole year before we could go get her. It was so heartbreaking and unimaginable. So much happens with a child between the ages of one and two, and we were going to miss it all. My heart just hurt thinking about it.
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- Very first picture we saw of Maisey.
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- A few months later….
Then the day was finally here, we were going to travel. Oh, that moment when they first placed her in my arms. It was March 12th, 2012. We got her in time to get to celebrate her 2nd birthday with her. I was so overwhelmed with emotion when I first saw her face. She was just so quiet and timid. She walked around with her head hanging down. She was hesitant…..
But then we started to get glimpses of who Maisey really was.
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- Maisey dancing at the airport.
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- Maisey enjoying the bus ride.
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- Maisey and daddy playing peek-a-boo with the mirror.
She was sweet and compassionate and loving. When Maisey decided we were her family, she was all in. There was no hesitation on her part. She just decided “Hey, I like this being loved thing” and just went with it. She knows she’s adored. She knows she’s loved. She runs and jumps and climbs absolutely everything. She has no fear. She lives life with such gusto. Everything she does is with great excitement. She wakes up ready to go every day. She jumps up with a huge smile on her face. She runs to you and hugs you like you are the best thing she has ever seen in her whole life. She loves with great enthusiasm. She loves with reckless abandon. She comforts you when you are sad. She is so empathetic. She is truly so caring. Plus, she likes to pretend that she is in charge. 🙂
Dan thinks this song says it all. (Listen from the 28 second point until the 2 minute mark.) She is bouncy and full of life and she believes without a doubt that “I’m yours!”.
We have been so blessed to be loved by Maisey this year. We set out to save a little girl without much hope for a future in China. The future for a deaf child and an orphan in China is very bleak. We learned after we got home that Maisey weighed 6 pounds at 6 months. We found out that she was a mini-celebrity. She was the House of Hope’s 1,000 patient. She was even listed in the book The House of Hope by Elisabeth Gifford . Maisey’s name was Chaya in the book. The Hills saved our little girl. She is a fighter. When we got her she had no way to communicate and had a huge bald spot on the back of her head from throwing herself on the floor. Now she is signing and has her BAHA (bone conducting hearing aid) and her speech has just taken off. She sings and dances. She loves tumbling and her tumbling teacher (Cassie). She loves to slide and run and swing. She loves books. She loves babies. She just loves life. What a beautiful addition to our family she has been. One of the best things about Maisey is her love and compassion for Codey, a totally unexpected, beautiful gift. We all feel blessed to have Maisey run to us, yelling our name, jumping up, and hugging us as tight as she can. Maisey makes everyone feel loved.
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- Listening to music.
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- Causing a little mess….
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- Dancing the day away.
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- Playing with Ben.
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- Decorating a Valentine cupcake.
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- Loving up Zachary.
Happy birthday sweet Maisey! Looking forward to what the next year has in store for you as you learn and grow. I can’t wait for you to meet your new siblings and for you to spread your love and sunshine all over them too. 🙂 Mommy loves you so much sweet girl! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you, my sweet, little cupcake!
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The Reason Why
Disclaimer: Everything I am writing about in regard to orphanages and what children go through – I have read about in another mother’s blog or in a book or had personal experience from. Granted people could exaggerate or make things up altogether but these blogs have many, many followers. You would think someone would call their bluff if they were out and out lying. The truth of the matter is, there are just so many people saying exactly the same thing over and over and over again. I tend to believe most of it. Plus, I’ve seen the effects of an orphanage on a child firsthand. It’s not pretty! It will tear your heart out and change every perspective you’ve ever had about what is and isn’t important.
Have you ever wondered why so many people are moved to adopt over and over again? Why they come home, talk about it, and pray that others will hear their message? Did you ever think “Why in the world would someone do what they are doing, spend the time and money that they do, just to bring a child home?” The truth is it is estimated that the average adoption will cost $28,000 and take close to three years* (Ours took a year.). (*Please watch the video below!) Why would anyone do that? Why would anyone sign up to do that and especially why would they do that more than once?
(If you want to know more, STUCK will be playing in Des Moines on April 22nd at 7 p.m.)
I’ve watched Cassie come home upset because people question why in the world would her parents adopt four children at a time. I’ve listened to her explain what her answers were and why she said what she said. Last night I told her, the truth is, she has three options.
One, she can not answer at all. Just let it drop, because she will never be able to truly make someone understand why we are doing this if they don’t understand what an orphanage is like. If they’ve never read the stories about “dying rooms” or children that are 14 that weigh 24 pounds. If they haven’t heard that children freeze to death, or are chained to the walls, or are sent to mental institutions when they hit the age of 6. It’s beyond their comprehension if they don’t know that a disability will label you as cursed for life. In many places your last name means orphan and you will not be allowed an education, you barely have enough food to survive, you don’t have even the barest of necessities. They will never understand if their only idea of an orphanage is from watching the movie Annie.
When we got Ben (3 1/2) and Maisey (2), they wouldn’t play with any of the toys we brought them. Why? Because their first thought was for food. They didn’t care about a book, or a blanket, or a toy that made noise. Their cherished possession was a spoon. Who cares about toys when you are starving? Ben walked funny because he was confined to a play pen or a high chair through most of the day. They were afraid of a bath. We later learned it’s because some orphanages give one bath a week or they hose them down with cold water. There are no bubble baths and cute terry cloth robes. Ben needs major dental work because six of his teeth are in such terrible decay. There can be 40 kids sharing two toothbrushes. Ben and Maisey couldn’t even hold a spoon and feed themselves. Why? Because when they are fed they are all fed out of the same bowl with the same spoon because the nanny doesn’t have time to give each child their own bowl and clean up after them. It’s an assembly line. There is no good night kiss and being tucked in to a nice cozy bed. Many times the mattress is a piece of plywood with a blanket because it cuts down on the lice problem.
Two, she can try to explain all about our family and all the people we have just waiting to love these four new children. She can explain that our family has chosen this to be their mission and children are where our passion lies. She can explain her dad’s job, his expertise in caring for sick babies, his love for children, and how he’s home during the week. She can explain how much I love children and how my dream as a little girl was to have 12. But if they don’t understand that children need rescued and it’s not about having “quality time” or “more one on one time”, they still won’t understand.
Oh, but if they could see what we, as a family, have seen this past year. If they could see how a child blossoms and grows with the love of a family. If they could see what we’ve seen, the physical, emotional and spiritual growth. It’s about giving them love, food, an education, some more love, and hope for a future that doesn’t include sex trafficking or living on the street. It’s about saving a life. If they could see what we have seen, they’d more than understand.
Three, she can tell them to jump in a lake. (Probably not the nicest or the best option!) The reality is it’s none of their business. They have no right to judge. They have no right to question whether it is or is not the right thing. They don’t know anything about our family or where our hearts lie. We’ve been through home studies. You read that right – studie”S“. When you adopt from China, you have initial home studies, and a follow-up home study when you come home, one at 6 months, one at a year, one at two years, and the last one at five years. There are safe guards in place. Plus, I’ve pretty much made our lives public by putting it all out there in picture and blog. I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m trying to prove you can do more than you think you can. You can love more than you think possible. You can show the love of God through taking a child in. You can change their lives and their eternity. All of this is a pretty amazing, mind-blowing, heart changing, life altering, thing.
Maybe that is all she needs to say “God brought us to these four children and our family feels overwhelming blessed to be able to bring them home!” Because that is the truth! We are blessed. We may be tired. The house may never be perfectly clean. Our mid-life crisis car may now be a 15 passenger van. But the overall running theme in our home is love and that God has blessed us in immeasurable ways. What a gift to us. What a gift to them.
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Adoption Updates, Explanations, and Observations
Look at those sweet, sweet faces. (Top left) Evie (then clockwise) Lainey, Min and Eli. I can’t wait to hold them and take them home. We are all just so excited. Gracie sits and tells stories about what she is going to do with everyone all day long. She debates who she is going to hug first and who will sit beside her in the car. Who will like to swim and who will like to read. Ben lies in bed at night and talks about how much fun this is going to be. He tells me who will lie where and how he will hold their hands. I have a special song that I make up for each of my children when they are born. It is only their song and I sing it every night before they go to bed. It made perfect sense when there was a couple – now it goes on and on forever. Ben has been making me practice songs for each new child, so far he has not approved of any of my song choices. I’m running out of time. I’d better get working on it. I love that they are excited about adding to our family. It’s a wonderful thing for this mama’s heart.
ADOPTION UPDATE:
We are getting so close to the time to travel. The closer it gets the harder it is to wait. Yesterday we received Eli’s LOA (Letter of Acceptance) that we need to sign saying we officially want to adopt him. The next step is our immigration letter and then we will get our travel approval. We are one step closer in this adoption journey. We have been informed that we should travel the last week of April or the first week of May – if all goes as planned. Yay!
EXPLANATIONS:
It’s crazy all the steps and acronyms involved with adopting. You have your LID (Log in date for your dossier, all the paperwork saying you are fit to adopt. Financial statements, police records, doctors letters about your health, etc.). Then you send in a LOI (Letter of Intent) stating who the child is, why you want to adopt them and how you can provide for them. Then you get your PA (Preapproval letter), which just means that they approve of you adopting this child and the child’s file is locked in for you. Then you get your LOA (Letter of Acceptance) which states that you agree to accept this child. Then you get your I-800 which allows you to bring them into the country. And finally…you get your TA (Travel Approval). There’s more paperwork in the middle of all of this and afterward when you get to China, but you get the picture. Paperwork, waiting, fees paid, paperwork, waiting, a few more fees, more paperwork, more waiting but then that day gets here and you can barely stand it. Which is why the day you receive them at the Registration Office (or other meeting place) is such a highly emotional time. All that waiting is finally over.
OBSERVATIONS:
Everyone pretty much thinks we are crazy. Not that people don’t celebrate what we are doing or think it’s a good thing…..for us, but it’s not for them. I hear that over and over again. “Congratulations! I’m glad it’s you and not me, but congratulations!”
You only have to look closely at Ben and listen to his out of breath little body after he runs for only a moment, to understand that life is not guaranteed. Hope, who is almost 14, looked all grown up in her pretty yellow Easter dress, but the truth is evident in that long jagged scar that runs down her chest that she’s been through a lot. When you look at them it’s easy to just see the special needs – Maisey’s difficulty with hearing, Codey’s limitations both physical and mental, Ben’s blueness is hard to miss, Hope’s scar lies there for all to see and Gracie’s illness has left it’s mark. But maybe that isn’t what we should be looking at. Instead when you look at them, maybe the first thing you should see is the miracle of their lives. The miracle of love. The miracle of God’s hands working in all their lives. The beauty of all that they are, not what they aren’t.
I was born into a country that believes we should strive for the nice car, the perfect body, the nice house, the great job, the vacations, the pension, the retirement. Well, I can tell you I have most of those material things. I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that after all the struggles, the not having money, the doing without, that someday Dan would have a well-paying job, and then that is when life would really begin. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy along the way. I have always been grateful and felt blessed, but when there was more money, well, then the really good times would begin. I’d have a nice house. I’d drive a nice car. I’d be able to buy clothes that I wanted. I’d be able to do what I wanted. Well, guess what? I have those things and so what? Who cares? I wish I’d never bought the big house. I wish I’d never wasted money on stupid gadgets. I wish I could have a do over. I wonder why did it take so long for my eyes to open? Why? Why? Why? I’m like a two year old throwing a tantrum now but it’s at myself. I could have funded a surgery. I could have funded adoptions. I could have helped a child find a family. I could have fed more people. I could have dug more wells. I could have…. I could have… I could have!
So why you spend time thinking I’ve lost my mind. Admit it! You’ve thought it. You think four at once? What are they thinking? Well, here is what I am thinking. My time for adopting is running out. God has brought me to these four children and even though I am afraid, I will do what He asks of me. I know that these are my children. I may not be a lot of things, but I am really good at loving children. I can bring these children here and they will know love. I know that without a doubt. They may never go to college. They may die well before it should be anyone’s time but they will know love. They will know laughter and love and happiness. They will understand God’s love for them because they will have a father who shows them unconditional love. They will know that they were not a mistake. They will know love in abundance. They will have their hand held. They will have a lap to sit on. They will have a daddy to read them bed time stories and a mommy that sings them their special songs when she tucks them in. They will know if they wake up afraid that we will be there to comfort them. These are the things that we take for granted. These are the things that millions of children will never, ever know. Simple, simple things that every child should know. How dare we as Christ’s hands and feet deny that to anyone?
I talk about these things over and over again because I want you to wake up to the need. I want you to get it way before I finally did. Don’t let time pass you by. Don’t wait for later to help. Do something today. Spread the wealth. Become God’s hands and feet. Do something that really, truly matters. Feed a child, help a family out, open your mind to the possibility of adopting. Who knows where God will lead you.
Do you know how Dan and I know that this is right? We know it to our very core because we have such peace about it. We aren’t freaking out wondering how it will work. We know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God brought us to these children and He will provide for all of our needs. God has this covered. What a wonderful thing to get to be a part of. It doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that lies ahead or that we’re not afraid, but I’m telling you that there is peace about this whole adoption that is truly amazing. Even though we know that we have every right to be stressed, we have watched God provide over and over again this past year so it is easy to trust in His plan. I’ve gotten to be part of some amazing, miraculous things this year. What a beautiful gift that I am so undeserving of. Blessed, simply blessed is the way that I feel.
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Good Friday
Today is Good Friday! The day Christ hung on a cross and died to pay for our sins. He suffered so we could live. What a beautiful act of sacrificial love. I hear many people talk about how to get to heaven. We complicate a beautiful, simple, grace-filled thing. We all sin and, therefore, can not enter by our own merits.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
So what can we do to be saved? How much good do we have to do to get to spend eternity with God in heaven? How much is enough? There is nothing we can do except believe that Jesus died on the cross for us. God’s grace saves us. God’s grace and our belief in Christ is all that it takes.
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God
Acts 16:31 They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.”
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
What a beautiful, simple gift for us – not so simple for Christ. Jesus suffered and died for us. He paid the price for our sins so that we could one day live with Him. He was buried and rose again on the third day according to scripture.
1 Corinthians 15:3-4 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures
Thank you, Lord, for the ultimate gift. The gift of eternal life through belief in you. I am humbled and amazed that You would allow me to be called a child of Yours.
John 1:12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God
Happy Easter everyone!
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How to Forgive (when you have every right to hate)
(WARNING: This blog is not about adoption, or fun with kids, or my love for my family. If you are looking for a fun-filled blog post, you might just want to skip this one. If however, you are looking for a blog about God’s infinite grace and forgiveness, this is the blog for you. The first couple paragraphs talk about what happened to me in my childhood, but the rest talks about how I found peace.)
If you just want to read this to see what horrible thing happened and see what sins I have committed, please just skip this now. Judging is a sin and I’d hate to cause you to sin more. If you truly want to know how I went through the worst time of my life and found a way to forgive, then please read the whole blog. I know it is long. I know it could be broken down into a couple of blogs, but the fact that I would rather throw up than drag this out any longer makes that impossible. It’s sort of like pulling off the band-aid quickly.
I have debated writing about the worst time of my life for quite some time. I have had dreams where I wake up with the words “finish it” replaying over and over in my head. It is so ironic that I can be obedient in following God’s lead when He asks me to go get a very ill child in China, but ask me to say this to the world and I drag my feet. I have been dragging my feet for quite a while now. A couple of weeks ago, I read this post from Women of Faith and it got me to thinking about how many hurting people there are out there.
The last couple of nights I have been awakened by the same dream. The dream that tells me to finish this. It makes me so angry. I don’t want to finish it. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to put these words on paper for the world to see. I’ve put it all behind me, but for some reason I feel as if to be completely done I need to finish this. So here it is….
I’ve talked about this subject with a few people. I’ve tried to share it when I felt it might help someone else, but it will never be a thing that I can just state and not have it grip my heart and make me sick to my stomach. I still have moments when I’d like to pretend it never happened. The truth is I have tried my hardest to forget those moments in my life and for the most part God has graciously granted my request. But the fact that it still has even a tiny hold on me, ticks me off, to say the least. So I have chosen in this, my 48th year of life, to just put those words out there – to release the hold that these words have had on me. Because the reality is people will judge you, people will think what they want, and in the end I can only do what I feel is right because everything in my life is between God and I, only He knows my true intentions. So I share these words, and if by doing so, I help even one person, it will be worth what it took to write this (Or at least that is what I am telling myself right now as the tears fall down my face.).
It took me years to admit what happened. I felt dirty, like it was somehow my fault. If I hear those words with anyone else, I don’t blame the victim. So how is that even possible that I would feel like I should be to blame? I was a child of 11. It wasn’t until my daughter hit the age of 11, that I truly grasped what it meant to be a child of 11. I may have looked like a grown-up, but I was a child, an easily manipulated, trusting, looking-for-love child. A child robbed of my youth and my innocence. To put it in words, is still, after 37 years, a horrible thing, it still brings me a smidge of shame, even though I know I’m not to blame. Molestation is an ugly, ugly, UGLY word. There are times when these things are done by strangers. There are times when these are random acts of violence. In my case, it was a trusted friend, a 29-year-old who had the trust of my family. That plays with a little kid’s mind in ways that are hard to even imagine. Add to that, threats of violence against your family; and great, grandiose gestures of love from a sick adult; and an 11 year old becomes one very confused, hurting child.
I’ve not had counseling because it was felt that it would be better if everyone just put it behind us. If you don’t talk about it, it’s like it never happened – that too plays with a child’s mind. It wasn’t until 3 years after the horrible summer, when he came back and started dating my mother secretly, that everything came to light. I hid most things for 3 years. 3 years of shame. 3 years of pain and anguish. 3 years of hoping that someone could see how much I was hurting. But 3 years had changed a lot, at 14 I was much braver, much smarter, and ready to fight. But I didn’t fight, instead….I ran away. I didn’t run far, just to my dad’s house about 15 miles away. My mom and dad had divorced when I was 10 and my dad lived with my stepmom in another town. This act of finally admitting what happened started World War 3 between my parents. Everything I had feared had started. People were angry and it felt like they were angry at me.
I write about this not to talk about “him” so much, but to talk about what it took for me to heal. First and foremost, it took lots of love from Dan, lots of forgiveness from myself, and finally accepting God’s grace. I made Dan prove his love over and over again in the early years of our marriage. I had trouble feeling like I deserved love, especially such over-whelming wonderful love, from him. One day, Dan finally looked at me and said, “You can continually make me prove my love or you can trust me to love you like I said I would. You can spend each and every day in pain assuming that I will leave you or you can be happy each and every day with me. Then, if I ever am stupid enough to leave you, the best thing that ever happened to me , you can be angry with me at that time, but don’t waste our lives by assuming it will one day happen.” He’s a very smart man. He was right. I needed to learn how to trust, forgive, and let go.
It’s hard when the father figures or male figures in your life are distant. I didn’t really have a male figure that said “I love you” or showed love. My brothers liked to tease me about being ugly and fat as brothers do. My dad was gone at the age of 10 and very distant at the beginning. My dad is a much different man now and is always there for my kids and me. My grandfathers were standoffish and seemed somewhat cold and distant. Men who were born 90 years ago, well, that was a different time. They weren’t bad men, they just weren’t the overly affectionate type of guys. I understood a God of discipline and punishment because I had heard that over and over again, but I had a hard time with the concept of God being a loving father. Dan taught me about God’s grace. How I grew up in church all those years and never, ever, understood God’s grace is beyond me. Dan taught me about God’s forgiveness for our sins. Dan taught me about turning it all over to God. All those things led to my healing. When I truly accepted God’s forgiveness, I was able to forgive myself.
Another thing that Dan taught me was God is good and perfect, but man is evil. It’s hard when you believe that God is in control of everything and something bad happens to you. People blame God when bad things happen. You are left to question why God would allow something to happen to you. The truth of the matter is God gave man free will. Man is evil not God. Could God stop it? Yes. But if God intervened in everything we would live in a perfect world and we would all be robots. God gave us free will. Bad things happen because of man not because of God.
The second thing that helped me heal was realizing that this man was supposedly a believer. It was a smack up along side my head when I realized that Christ paid for his sins just like Christ paid for mine. We like to believe that there are really, really bad sins and then the nice little sins that we do that don’t really amount to anything. Ha! Sin is sin. Yes, some of them are overwhelmingly evil, but sin, in the end, is still sin. Gluttony, sloth, pride, envy, lust, anger, and greed are called the 7 deadly sins for a reason. We don’t get to pretend that we are somehow better than others. In the end, the only thing that saves us is God’s grace.
At the Women of Faith Conference I was at, an artist drew it as a chasm. God is on one side and you are on the other.
We think our goodness takes us part way to God and God brings us the rest of the way. The truth is there is nothing we can do to reach God. We are all sinners. Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God… We can not do good things to make up for our sin. Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God… We can only confess our sin and move on. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we continually feel guilty about the same sin, it is as if we are saying “I don’t believe what you have said, God.”. It became an either I believed His word or I didn’t. If I trust that Christ died on the cross for my sins, how could I not trust Him for His forgiveness? 1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree… I don’t understand why it happened to me, but I could believe that God could use it for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
The third thing that helped me heal, was allowing God to punish him. I could be bitter and angry, but that wasn’t doing anything to him. He didn’t know the pain I was in. To be honest, my only regret is that he may have done it to others. It was three years before everything came out. I wish I would have been strong enough to prosecute him. The truth of the matter is 37 years ago it wasn’t like it is now. It was your word against his and people just didn’t do that. Things were swept under the rug and no one was encouraging me to do anything but forget. Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
And the final thing that helped me heal was a big one, I started to pray for “him”. Yes, him. Matthew 5:44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. You can’t hate when you are praying for someone. At the beginning, my prayers were still hate-filled, but it is amazing what happens to your heart as you pray for someone who has hurt you. Now when something reminds me of that horrible time, because there are triggers that still pop up from time to time, I pray. The first thing I do is pray. I pray that he hasn’t hurt anyone else. I pray that he has found healing. I pray that God has opened his eyes to what he has done. I pray that and many, many more things but my prayers always bring me peace. My prayers for him led to forgiveness, of both him and I, and it led to the end of my bitterness so that I could live a happier live.
I recently read a book called “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers. This is a quote from the end of her book. “There are many who struggle to survive in life, many who have been used and abused in the name of love, many who have been sacrificed on the altars of pleasure and “freedom”. But the freedom the world offers is, in reality, false. Too many have awakened one day to discover they are in bondage, and they have no idea how to escape. It is for people such as these that I wrote Redeeming Love – people who fight, as I did, to be their own gods, only to find in the end that they are lost, desperate, and terribly alone. I want to bring the truth to those trapped in lies and darkness, to tell them that God is there, He is real, and He loves them – no matter what.”
Part of the guilt I felt was for the few years when I acted out. I did things and said things that I am not proud of. I have forgiven myself for those things, but the truth is we can never know all the people who we hurt along the way. I have prayed that God would let those people find peace, as I have. I write these things not to get sympathy. I write them to let you know there is a way to climb out of the darkness and the self-induced misery that we are in. Bad things happen, but God can heal. Let Him heal you. Feel His grace and forgiveness and start living your life for Him. It is a life of purpose and meaning and it is just waiting for you to let go of the trappings of this world and become who He made you to be.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
My prayer for you is that you can forgive. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. I pray that you can find your meaning and your purpose. Allow God to truly lead you and the blessings and peace that will overcome your heart will be amazing. Bitterness and anger only hurt you and those around you. You aren’t punishing the person who hurt you. In the end, you are punishing yourself. Accept that your sins are forgiven and forgive yourself first and foremost. May God grant you peace that goes beyond understanding. You are worthy of His love because He is love. We are saved by His grace. There is nothing we can do to look better in His eyes so let it go and allow God’s love to hold you close. You are forgiven. You are loved. You are precious in His sight. Right now. Right at this moment. You don’t have to fix your life to come to God. You don’t have to be better. You just have to trust in His forgiveness and move on, following His lead. What are you waiting for? Today is a beautiful day to learn to love yourself and allow God’s love to surround you. I will continue to pray for you and your peace and for forgiveness to become part of your language. I will pray for your strength to move on and to forgive. May God’s love surround you today and every day.
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Obedience, Sainthood and Eternity
My devotional this week said, “Surrendered people obey God’s Word, even when it doesn’t make sense.”. “Give yourselves to God … surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes.” (Romans 6:13b TEV)
Obedience means obeying even when you are afraid.
Obedience means following God’s lead even when you can’t see the path in front of you.
Obedience means not debating, questioning, reasoning with, or making excuses for why you can’t do something.
It takes a lot of faith to proceed even when it doesn’t make sense. It took me years to get to this point. Years to truly listen to the word of God, but when you see God’s miracles in your life over and over again. When you see how perfect His plan is, you start to let go of what you thought was right for your life and trust in His plan for your life.
There is nothing amazing about us and being able to do what we are doing. It has become somewhat of a joke to us because the number one thing that people say to us is “You are saints.” First off, I will say if you are a Christian, you too are a saint. In the Bible, believers were referred to as saints on many different occasions. So in reality, I am a saint, but not for the reasons you would say. I am a saint because Christ died for my sins and by believing in Him I become a member of God’s adopted family – a person holy for that reason only. I am a person who fails and sins and is so much less than on most days.
Our proceeding with these adoptions is because of obedience only. It is because we have seen the hand of God on so many different occasions that we choose to listen and proceed when He lays something on our hearts. I have often said, “But I can’t. Lord, this doesn’t make sense. How in the world are we going to do that?” But God’s calling is right there. Your heart is heavy with what you know to be the truth. You just know it’s the right thing to do even if it doesn’t make sense. Then things start to line up, things that others said could never happen – happen, and God says once again, “Listen my child. I will provide a way. I will bring you through whatever I bring you to. This is my plan. Trust in me.”
People say things to us like, “What about your retirement? Don’t you want to travel? Won’t you be tired? How in the world are you going to do this? You’ll never be able to….” Believe me I get it. I have said some of those things to myself. Five kids under four at my age seems a little daunting at times. But then I think about their lives. Am I willing to trade a trip to Hawaii for giving Min or Lainey or Evie or Eli a home? Am I willing to let Ben or Evie or Eli die, alone, in a cold orphanage? Am I willing to not listen to the calling of God? Am I willing to say to Min “Child, a life on the street is okay for you? Prostitution? Early death? No love of a family? Well, that’s okay cause I’m going to Hawaii.” I am NOT willing to make those trades. I am willing to trade my sleep for bringing them the love of family. I am willing to trade new clothes, a fancy car, and any imaginable vacation out there to let them know God’s love and what being adopted into God’s family means.
I have been sitting on this post for a while now. No one wants to listen to me preach again about adoption or at least that was what I was thinking but then I saw this video posted on Facebook and I understood. I needed a better illustration of what I was trying to say. I spent my life, in the 40 plus years before we even saw an orphanage, living for this one small moment in my life….retirement. The magical illusion of when everything will be great. Your children are grown. It’s just you and your husband traveling the world. Living happily ever after, but if you believe Christ died for you, then your life on earth is but a small portion of eternity.
We did not proceed with our adoptions because of some great reward. If we weren’t doing it for love, then it would be worthless. We would be doing it for all the wrong reasons and then it would be like straw or stubble to God. God knows what is in your heart. God knows what you are giving and why. You can’t earn God’s love. You can’t buy your way into heaven.
James 4:17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
But there are so many verses telling you to care for the orphan and the widow, the poor and the needy, to take care of those that need your help. If you can help, and you choose not to then it is not just wrong, it is sin. It goes against everything the Bible is commanding. EVERYTHING! Don’t fool yourself into thinking what the world is saying is the right way. You will not be happy because you took a trip. You will not be happy because you saved all this money so you could retire and golf or knit or sew or see the world. That is not what your life should be about. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong to travel or golf, but your life should include following God’s lead and opening your eyes to the hurt in the world. Too many children are slaves. Too many children are being sold in the sex trafficking market. Too many children are dying alone in a cold, lonely orphanage. Too many children spend their lives never knowing the love of a family. Too many children are going to bed hungry or drinking dirty water. Don’t kid yourself that it’s ok and someone else will save them. These kids are waiting for you to show them the love of God. Ask God and He will show you a need. Ask God to use you for His plan. Ask God to make your life count. Don’t just exist. Don’t just follow the world’s lead. Stand out! Do something! Be the hands and feet of Christ. It is possible – one need at a time, one person at a time, one life at a time.
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Gracie is 8
Sometimes life takes you by surprise. Sometimes life can be going along very smoothly and then something comes along, unexpected, and it drops you to your knees. November of 2011 was one of those times. The week before Thanksgiving, we took Gracie to the doctor. She had a fever again. She had had a fever on and off for about six weeks and she just couldn’t shake it. They nurse practitioner came into the room and said that her results were concerning and asked if I’d speak with the doctor. Dan and I had been thinking strep or mono and they said, “We need to refer her to an oncologist.” The doctor asked me to step out into the hall. He questioned me a couple times about whether I understood what he was saying. I assured him that I absolutely understood what he was saying. I promised myself I would not cry in front of Gracie until I had a confirmed diagnosis. I asked the doctor if he knew our family history? He said “No”. I explained a little bit about our children’s health issues and assured him that I absolutely understood without a shadow of a doubt what he was saying. I then headed home to pick up Dan.
The oncology clinic got us right in and scheduled her for a bone marrow biopsy. They wanted us to get the results before Thanksgiving. I was so thankful for that. It is so hard to wait and wonder even when you know it is in God’s hands. The results showed it was not leukemia, but that left us with more tests to figure out what she did have. Dan was scheduled to speak in California and he left on his trip. He was so worried about leaving her but I reminded him that there was nothing we could do until the results came back in. I remember waking up and seeing Gracie’s little face covered in a rash. I called him, because he had more or less just landed, and he asked for me to send a picture. I sent a picture and he said, “I’m heading home right now. I know what she has. It’s lupus.” Lupus? Kids don’t get lupus. I remember wondering how is that even possible?
I will admit to being a little miffed when we got her diagnosis. God and I had a talk. I will admit it was a short talk. I have been through enough in my life to know that beautiful, wonderful things come out of horrible circumstances. My issue wasn’t that I had a sick child. At the time I had two children with health issues and we were set to leave in months to get our two new adopted children with health issues. My issue was one of my healthy children got sick. I had purposely signed up to adopt and take in children with health issues. I didn’t understand why it had to happen to Gracie too.
Gracie’s kidneys were severely affected. Dan pushed for them to run some extra tests and all of a sudden our scheduled appointment for three months away in February was moved up for a kidney biopsy the very next Monday, considering this was Saturday night, we knew it was serious. Thank God for Dan and his training. She was almost in kidney failure. They told us it was only a matter of days until the damage would have been irreversible. Gracie was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus with Class 4/5 Glomerulonephritis. She would need months of chemo and would have to be on many medications and oral chemo for many years.
It took 16 months but she is finally in remission. A life with lupus is doable but until you know someone who has suffered from it it is hard to understand the issues that come with the diagnosis. Gracie has to be completely covered in the sun or it can cause a relapse. Considering we have a pool and she is the most warm blooded child around, this is an issue. No more playing outside in the summer sun for hours on end. She wakes up every morning and takes her plateful of meds. She takes more meds before heading to bed. Lupus means your body attacks its own organs and cells. Out of the 11 markers for lupus, Gracie had 9. She luckily didn’t have seizures. Gracie’s mouth was covered in sores. Grace’s neck was a mass of lymph nodes gone crazy. Her face was covered by the butterfly rash. Ironic, since she’s always been her daddy’s butterfly. On top of everything else, she had joint pain. It was a lot for a 6 year old to take, but she did it with grace beyond her years.
That is the thing about Gracie. She has always been compassionate and empathetic. She has always had a faith beyond her years. She has always talked about God like He was her very best friend. She has always been the child to give away her toys even to complete strangers. She has always been the girl who would play with the children younger than her and take whoever was at the playground under her wing. When she found out the chemo might make her lose her hair, she chose to donate it before it fell out. Dan and I always knew God had special plans for her. We just hadn’t planned on this.
Now I watch my Gracie as she spreads her compassion on others. I know there are people who won’t believe that she is the one who thought about helping with the Love Without Boundaries’ Lenten Campaign, but it was all her. (You can read more about it on her site Hats for Gracie). She loves to pull up LWB’s site and pray for the babies that she sees. She is always thinking of others. I’m pretty sure if she had her way we would adopt about 20 kids. Gracie truly is the most amazing kid. Tomorrow she is going to speak at a local church to raise awareness for the Lenten Campaign and for LWB, Show Hope and orphans in general. Just think back to when you were eight. Would that have been something you were thinking about? I know it wasn’t what I was thinking about at the age of eight. I am so blessed to have had another year with my beautiful butterfly. Happy, happy birthday Gracie! Mama loves you more than words can say!
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