Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category
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Adoption Update & O.C.C.
ADOPTION UPDATE:
We have been given the tentative travel date of May 4th. We have travel approval for all three girls. The last bit of paperwork for Eli is his Article 5 and then we will have Travel Approval for him too. Everyone has been exceedingly kind and expedited his paperwork. He really needs to get here and get checked out and it looks as if God is going to allow that to happen. We have been so blessed that everyone has been so open to looking out for his papers and proceeding as quickly as they can. There are so many hoops to jump through with adoption and so many bureaucratic stops along the way. It boggles my mind sometimes. I was so surprised that we had to start from square one again considering it had only been a year since we started our last adoptions, but after hearing story after story on the STUCK tour, I am counting my blessings that it has gone as smoothly as it has.
I love God’s sense of humor with the travel date of May 4th. I have always had a hard time from April 30th (Codey & Kyle’s birthday) until May 4th when Kyle died and a few days later for his funeral. It isn’t like I’m severely depressed during that time, it just breaks my heart that things didn’t turn out the way I had dreamed. Some years are better than others, but there are always many, many memories that come with those dates. My water broke on the way to our second Lamaze class and I was life flighted down to Des Moines. My whole life changed in that instant. We never went home, moved to the Ronald McDonald House, and spent the next 14 months in the hospital with Codey. When you are dreaming about your life and the joy of carrying twins, that is not the fairy tale ending you had hoped for. We had to bury our son and we didn’t have the money to do that. I’ve talked about all of this before so I won’t go into details. I’m pretty sure you can clearly see my dislike for that first week in May, but now I am looking forward to it. I actually want those days to arrive. I want to go get my girls and my little boy. I am so ready to be their mama. God’s timing is perfect and I love that delays ended up to us being blessed with all four of them and leaving during that week. As one of my Facebook friends said, “It will always be bitter/sweet from here on out.”
OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD
For those of you who don’t know what O.C.C. is, here is their site. Operation Christmas Child Since 1993, 100 million shoe boxes have been delivered in 130 countries. Isn’t that amazing? Initially I got involved through our home school tumbling group, but I was really moved hearing a young girl give her testimony at a Women of Faith Conference. She was talking about how she had never had a gift until she received her shoebox. I was thinking about my kids and how they probably couldn’t even remember what they got on their last birthday. It just really touched my heart. Ever since that time, the kids and I spend our year looking for bargains. We buy the toys in Targets $1.00 bin when they are 50% off. I’m that person you will see with a cart full of stuff. We buy shirts that are $1 at Wal-mart. We buy tablets, crayons, pencils, pens, pencil sharpeners and stickers after the back to school rush is over. I love that my children always keep their eyes peeled for bargains to put in the boxes.
These past two weekends have found me packing shoe boxes. (I have a feeling my life is going to get a little busy when we get home from China.) Being the dears they are, Mom and Linda (my mother-in-law) came down to help me with this monumental task. (Yes, I’m one of those lucky people whose mother-in-law is wonderful and her and my mom are actually friends. I am blessed!)
Why would packing shoe boxes be a monumental task you ask? Well, when I was sorting through old boxes in my storage room I found 100 plastic pencil boxes that mom had bought me a couple of years ago that I forgot about. We always buy them on clearance after school starts, I put them aside and we pack them for delivery around the middle of November. Like I said I forgot about these, add those to the 77 pencil boxes mom already bought to do the shoe boxes that I usually do, and that’s a lot of boxes. We have always done our shoe boxes in honor of Dan’s dad who passed away a few years ago. Terry liked the number 7 for Biblical reasons. First we started out doing 7 boxes in the 3 ages groups for boys and girls or 42 boxes. Over the past couple years the kids thought it would be fun to do 77 boxes. Oh boy! During the last couple of months, we’ve bought crayons, pencils, pens, etc. and had the pencil boxes all ready. Mom is a great bargain shopper and she bought a ton of stuff. We set to packing and we have 150 done. Isn’t that amazing? I thought it was a task to big to be completed and here we are almost done. Only 27 more to go. I gave my friends permission to buy those shoes they want so I can have the boxes. I hope their husbands don’t mind. 🙂
If you have the opportunity to participate in this amazing endeavor, please do so. I love how it takes my children’s eyes off themselves and puts them on others. Ben was super sweet today. He kept asking why we were doing it, I’d explain, and he would tell me how great it was to make other kids happy. I love watching them give of themselves.
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30 days of Thankfulness
Day 30 – Thankful for Codey and all the lessons his life has taught me. Codey has been through more in his 25 years than anyone should have to go through and yet he is still happy. He is a wonderful son and a blessing. His life was the start of my learning that my life isn’t about me and that changed everything. Codey has taught me that every day I have the choice to be happy. He taught me what is truly important in life. He taught me to trust God with all things and that I am NOT in control. He has been such a blessing and honoring him is a very fitting way to end my 30 days of Thanksgiving.
Day 29 – Thankful that I have my Boo. She was my first little girl and the sweetest one around. She has a heart for children and a child-like joy that is contagious. She is happy with the smallest of things. She will be the best big sister to her 6 little sisters. She is not only my daughter, but my friend as well. Happy 1/2 birthday Cassie Boo. I thank the Lord daily for the gift of you. *hugs* xoxox
Day 28 – Thankful for a good report for Gracie in Iowa City today.
Day 27 – Thankful for my Altoona Farrell’s 7 a.m. friends who always make working out fun! Sometimes when it is cold and the bed feels extra nice, it is just hard to get out of bed. I’m always happy that I made the effort once I get there and see all your smiling faces. 🙂
Day 26 – Thankful for all the family and friends we have who continue to encourage us and lift our children up in prayer. It’s hard to be patient and wait, but it helps to know that so many others continue to pray for their safety until we can all be together.
Day 25 – Thankful for making memories! 🙂Day 24 – Thankful that today marks the 28th year of being married to my best friend, my better half, and the man who shares my dreams. I love you Dan!
“The secret of life isn’t what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.” ~ Norman Vincent PealeDay 23 – Thankful that a year ago we figured out what was wrong with little Grace. Thankful that she was born in this decade where she has a fighting chance at a long, healthy life. Gracie is a compassionate, sweet, loving little girl who is amazing with her new siblings. She is a blessing and has a faith that is unbelievable. I’m thankful every single day that she is my little butterfly.Day 22 – Thankful for so many blessings that I don’t deserve, which leave me humbled and overwhelmed, and looking forward to my new blessings that will be sure to make my life even more beautiful. May you be surrounded by blessings today and feel your heart overflowing with thankfulness. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Day 21 – Thankful that this should be the last Thanksgiving that my babies have to spend apart from their family. (Well, you know…until they grow up and have babies of their own.) 🙂
Day 20 – Thankful for all the birthday wishes from friends and family. Thankful for a family that loves me and showed me in so many wonderful ways today. Thankful for this blessed life that I get to live. Next year it is possible that my dream I’ve had since I was a little girl will come true. I have so many, many things to be thankful for. I have to agree with Ben who said all day today, “It’s a happy, happy mama day!” 🙂
Day 19 – Thankful for my husband and the gifts that God gave him. I am thankful for all the information he is able to obtain from many sources on what is the right surgery for Ben, when to proceed, and the horribly hard decision of to do or not do the surgery. If you are praying for my little Ben, the specific prayer needed right now is wisdom to choose between the risk of surgery that will give
him a chance at better quality of life but is dangerous or doing nothing and letting him continue to be happy for as long as he has? Tough decisions and a heavy burden for my husband. I can pray and give my gut feeling, but I don’t have the medical knowledge to make a truly informed decision – only Dan can do that. I’m thankful every day for everything that he is able to do for our children above and beyond loving them. 🙂Day 18 – Thankful for helpers at the craft sale! 🙂Day 17 – Thankful for my husband who has a quick, witty sense of humor. He makes me laugh every day. 🙂
“Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.” – Jarod KintzDay 16 – Thankful for weekend craft sales with my mom and mother-in-law. It’s fun to see all the things they’ve made and spend time together. Plus, we had some really great help! Thanks Lori !!! 🙂Day 15 – Thankful that Ben’s platelets were 41 so they could do the cath. 40 was what we had to beat. The procedure has started. Praying & waiting has commenced. 🙂Day 14 – thankful post part 2. Better known as the long version. 🙂 I am thankful that Cassie & Zach truly love their siblings and want to be there for them. I am thankful, as I sit here holding Ben, that I know Zach is playing games with his sisters & fixing them lunch. I know they are so happy to be able to have a day with him that they will barely notice I am gone. The same will happen tonightas they plan their supper & movie watching with Cassie. It melts my heart when the two newest ones run to them with their arms outstretched, chanting Zachy or Cassie. It doesn’t get much better than that. As LWB said today….It is not flesh & blood but the heart that makes us (family).Day 14 – Today I am thankful for Zach & Cassie for being there for their little siblings. They always make sure they feel loved and secure when we have to be away for medical reasons. I love that they all love each other so much. Thanks guys! xoxoxDay 13 – Today I am thankful for getting to be the mama to the sweetest little boy around. I know I’ve said it before, but sometimes I just stand in amazement at how sweet he is. Today he informed the nurse that God cares for his heart, and it was okay as he held out his finger, when she got ready to do his fingerstick. He said “thank you much” to everyone at the doctor’s office for everythingfrom his bandaid to his stickers when he left. He asked to buy Maisey a Spiderman because she was sad when he got one the other day. He turned a trip to Mediacom into a funfest. He laughed at all the cutouts and asked to have his picture taken by all of them except for the scary Ghost Rider poster. He told me I did a good job driving and that he loves me much. He just oozes sweetness. Blessed am I!Day 12 – Thankful for advanced medicine and children’s hospitals. Heading to Iowa City today for Ben’s IVIG. Hopefully, (prayers said and fingers crossed) it will raise his platelets from 30 to at least 100 – enough to do his heart cath on Thursday. 🙂Day 11 – Thankful that there were others there to hold her and love her until the end. RIP baby KahleesaDay 10 – Thankful for New Hope Foundation China! A little over 2 years ago today Dr. Hill’s organization, (http://www.hopefosterhome.com/), found Maisey, who was 6 months old and weighed 6 pounds. They took her in. They fed her. They loved her. Today I am blessed with a little girl with so much personality and compassion. She is sweet and energetic and a beautiful bundle of everything good. Plus, every single day she makes me laugh. (Shown by her choice of clothing yesterday.)Day 9 – So much to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for unexpected blessings. Yesterday we were told that we had verbal preapproval for Lauren but they would not issue the written preapproval until we had our extension finished by immigration. This could take 4-6 weeks for fingerprinting and review of our homestudy. Our agency gave me all the ways to try and expedite it, but we would haveto wait until then for the appointment. The preapproval paper allows us to tell her orphanage that she has a forever family and to be able to send her a care package. As you know, we all wanted to send her something before Christmas and let her know that we love her and can’t wait to get her. Gracie’s biggest wish was for Lauren to know she had a family for Christmas. Even though we were told we would have to wait, today we received the written preapproval form from China. They decided to go ahead and issue it. Blessings! Blessings! Blessings! So today I am thankful to be going shopping for my newest daughter.Day 8 – I am thankful for my soul mate, my best friend, and the sharer of my dreams. He supports me, comforts me, upholds me, prays with me, calms my fears, protects me, holds me up when I don’t think I can go on and best of all makes me laugh every single day. He love his children with his whole heart, those here with us now and those that are yet to come. He has incredible gifts yet gives God all the credit (as it should be). He is my dream come true. Love you sweetheart!Day 7 – I’m thankful that I know who the true authority is. In a country where we profess to want to people to work together, we drive each other apart. We call people names. We post jokes and insults. Everyone loses their objectivity. This country is about freedom. This country is headed for trouble because of the debt. We all should be able to agree on that and find ways to fix it. We as a country find ways to pull together when there is a national calamity and then we stop. Why? I believe we all want a better future for our kids. Let’s work together and figure out a way to do that. “We the people” need to stop blaming everyone else and work together for the good of this country.
Day 6 – Thankful (as is everyone else in Facebookland – it seems) to live in a free country and have the right to vote. After seeing the news this morning about the young man from Shenandoah who gave his life for his country, it makes the price of that freedom all the more real. Praying for his family and all those that are serving our country.
Day 5 – I should post Dan’s comment on being thankful for having 5 kids under the age of 5 at this time next year. Yes, I am truly thankful for that, but I had already decided to give each of my children their own day of thanks on their birthday day of the month. Today will be brought to you by the letter Z for Zach! Zach has been a blessing and a gift from the very beginning. He is an old soul
and a sweet soul. He was a gift from God during the worst time of my life. He was proof that life would go on. He is bright and sweet and funny and talented. But his biggest gift is his compassion. How many 24 year old video game programmers do you know that would give up a job at EA Sports to come home to get to know their newest siblings? They adore him and I do too. That is my Zach and one of the reasons I am thankful and blessed every single day of my life.Day 4 – Thankful that God sent me a son with the sweetest soul. Today in church Benjamin raised his hand during prayer request. This in and of itself is amazing because Ben is very shy when he is in big groups of people. When pastor asked him what his prayer request was Ben replied, “My didi, Eli”. Ben was praying for his little brother – that we haven’t even been matched with yet. He is so sure this little boy is his brother and his Eli (Ben says it like ally.) He is just a sweet, sweet boy. He is loving and encouraging to everyone. Yesterday while Maisey was trying to put on her shoes he kept saying, “Awesome job Maisey! Good work!” I’m a thankful and blessed mama.
Day 3 – Although I’m disappointed that they won’t present Lauren’s file yet, I’m thankful that there are people out there who are truly trying to find the best possible way to make it happen. I’d like to be able to say I have 7 daughters – maybe that will be what I am thankful for on day 20. That would be a great birthday present. 🙂
Day 2 – Thankful that I have the most wonderful job in the world, being a mother, and that I have a husband who appreciates and supports me in that job. 🙂
Day 1 – Thankful we are one step closer. I just got the message that China has locked in our dossier. And the wonderful, great, amazing news is that they can now ask about Lauren. So on this first day of Adoption Month, I’m asking all of my praying friends to please pray that they say yes to us being able to adopt her too. Hopefully we will know something in the next couple of weeks. I am happy, excited, and scared to death! I know who is in control though so I will practice patiently waiting for the good news. 🙂
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Just when I think I couldn’t love him more….
It’s been over 30 years since I met Dan. We celebrated 28 years on November 24th. He is truly my best friend and my soul mate. I still look at him with wonder in my eyes. He is truly amazing. God has given him so many gifts. Truly wonderful gifts. He has a unique way of looking at things. He is a true problem solver. He brings so much to his jobs and works so hard. Yes, I said jobs. He has his clinical job. He works for a national company as the director of clinical and quality improvement. He writes books. He’s written for magazines. He now volunteers with Love Without Boundaries and New Hope Foundation. He has a true heart for children. I love that about him.
I love many, many things about him. I love that he listens to me ramble on and doesn’t make me feel foolish. When I’m excited about the littlest thing, he gets excited with me. He holds my hand. He looks at me adoringly. He makes me feel beautiful even when I know I’m not exactly looking my best. I love how he makes me feel like I have the most important job in the world. I love how my dream is his dream. I look at him and feel this overwhelming amount of love in my heart and I think this is it….I couldn’t possibly love him more and then he does the sweetest thing and I’m proven wrong.
Just the other day he informed me that our 12 foot Christmas tree is staying up until all our children are home. He wants all of our children to experience Christmas this year. Now the girls should be home sometime in March, but Eli will be a different thing. If we have to go back and get him, it will be another 5-6 months. That puts us into September or so. We will be having a Valentine’s Day tree and an Easter tree and a 4th of July tree. (I’ll be sure and post pictures.) If the tree is up until September, I might as well leave it up until Christmas.
But the biggest reason I love him even more is that I wrote Lauren a letter explaining who we all were and tried to keep it short. I didn’t want to overwhelm her with the very first letter. He decided that he would write a letter instead. He thought it might make a difference since China is such a patriarchal society. He wrote her a very loving letter explaining how much we love her. He told her how we fell in love with her from the very first time we saw her picture. He explained that we wish we could just come get her but we have to follow the rules and told her how sorry he was that we didn’t see her picture sooner. The letter was very, very sweet. He also had the idea for us to pose holding her picture so she could see how happy we are that she will be our daughter.
Every little girl should be lucky enough to truly be loved by her dad. She should know she is treasured, cherished, and not have any doubts about that. She should hear how much he loves her. I think when you trust your father’s love it’s easier to trust God’s love for you too. We apply human characteristics to God and He is our Father. It’s easier to trust your heavenly father when you already understand being cherished unconditionally by your earthly father. I know all of my girls have this with their daddy. What a beautiful gift and I’m lucky enough to be a part of it. As I said, I thought I loved him then….
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Things you never imagine happening….
For those of you who don’t know my son Codey, he is 25, severely physically and mentally challenged. One of his favorite things to do is open his window and listen to the cars go by and the birds sing. He has his big, fake leather, comfy chair parked right there under the window. He would sit there for hours if I would let him. We actually partially unscrew the screw in the lock to keep him from being able to unlock it and open the window even when it’s 100 out.
I admit that I worried about Codey and how our new kids would do with him. He doesn’t like to share toys. He doesn’t like change. He doesn’t like his wheelchair so he gets around our house by scooting on his bottom. He growls when he’s upset and can yell very, very loud. How do you explain that behavior to a child who is mostly deaf but can hear really loud noises or a child who 4 months ago only spoke Mandarin? It’s one thing to adopt a baby and have them grow up around it. It is a completely different set of issues to take a 2 and 3 year old and introduce them to him.
I’m sure you’ve heard me mention before that you should never worry because the things you worry about often don’t come to be and you couldn’t even possibly imagine what might come to be. (Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. – Corrie ten Boom.) I’m not a worrier by nature, but thoughts do cross your mind – no matter who you are and how strong your faith is. You think “How am I gonna handle this if….”. It’s just human nature. I wondered about whether they would get along. What if they didn’t like each other. What if Benjamin and Maisey were afraid of him. Codey is a very tenderhearted, sweet, affectionate, loving little boy. He may be 25 but he is a small child mentally. What if their behavior made Codey sad?
It seems I had nothing to worry about. The other day, I found Codey trying to help Maisey on to his chair. There was no growling involved. No yelling whatsoever. Just secret laughs and quiet whisperings of who knows what. Codey was politely helping Maisey up on the arm of his chair and what does she have in her hand? A SCREWDRIVER! How does a 2 year old deaf girl communicate with a 25 year old non-verbal boy? I’m pretty sure I never even considered this happening. Needless to say, I worried for nothing. AGAIN! They are the best of friends and I am one blessed mama. Codey shares his toys with them. Codey shares his food with them. I don’t know how Codey knows that they were hurting souls, but he did. God is good!
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God is good. Man can be evil.
This is a wonderful blog from a mother at the midnight premiere. People always ask where God is in all of this. God gave us free will. Man can choose what he does. Could God stop it? Yes! But then we wouldn’t have free will. I have tried many times to wrap my head around bad things that happen to people. I have yet to succeed, but the verse does not say all things will be good. The verse says God can take all things and make them good. That is a huge difference. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose Romans 8:28
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The butterfly effect
This song is so appropriate for what I have been feeling lately. I want my life to matter. I don’t want another day to go by without doing what God is calling me to do.
And I believe God is calling me to do more. I have had people tell me that it is only my emotions, that God really isn’t speaking to me. I can tell you for a fact when God speaks, you know it is from Him. It’s not like I’m hearing voices or God has my cell phone number. I’m not delusional. What it is though is a feeling to the very core of your being. It is knowing something with such certainty, such clarity, that even you are amazed by it. It may be accompanied by dreams. I’m never sure if the dreams are my subconscious living out what I am feeling or if I’m really having a dream based on something God is trying to tell me. Either way when you have one of those dreams, you don’t just wake up, shake it off, and go about your business. It is life altering.
Then in the coming weeks you hear sermons, read devotionals, talk to others and their words all line up with those deep feelings. Things you have heard or read before take on a new meaning and you wonder how you missed it the first time. Things like the song above which hits home or the verse below that was in my devotional.
Luke 12:47-48: “And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” or….
Os Hillman’s devotional stating this – Satan’s strategy is to keep us distracted with the urgency of the moment versus the importance of eternity. Ask God what your priorities should be today. Make His priorities your priorities.
God commands us to take care of the least of these. He states over and over again to take care of the injured, the hurting, the widow, the orphan. Pastor’s sermon this week was on the Good Samaritan. Which made me stop to think, would I stop and help? Would I give money to help? Or would I just say the words “I’ll pray” and then move on and forget about it? It’s not that I don’t think praying for others is important. It is very important! I stopped to really contemplate this a few years back. After that initial moment was gone and I had said my prayer, did I remember to pray again? Truth was I wasn’t as good as I should have been about it so now I write it in my phone notepad. I open it to remember people that I’ve said I would pray for so I remember to pray every day while it’s needed because I’m busy and more forgetful than I want to be. I want others to know that if I say I’m praying for you then they will truly be in my prayers.
Luke 12:47 says that if we know better and do wrong than the punishment is worse. Somehow I missed that verse or it didn’t stick as well as it should have. I’ve heard verse 48 over and over again. Even Spiderman paraphrases it – ” With great power, comes great responsibility”. But being held more accountable because I knew what I was doing was wrong – was a new idea. There is such a thing as prosperity testing. I know I scoffed at the idea when I had no money. Who would be tested with more money? If you could pay your bills and have some left over, where would the test be in that? I’m mean seriously bring on that test, I’m sure I could pass it with flying colors. Well, at least those were my thoughts.
But remember the widow who gave her two last coins? The Bible talks about how that is worth more than those of us who give a little of what we have. The thought of how much is enough drives me crazy some days. Every time I order pizza for our huge family, I think about how another child could have been sponsored. It’s not that I think that you shouldn’t spend money, take trips, eat out. I just don’t know what is enough to give. I fail miserably at not wasting money. I hate that about myself. I look back at things I thought I really needed – only to be discouraged as I’m taking it to Goodwill. Why did I buy it? Why did I waste the money? So many people are doing without and I am being wasteful. I give to others. I help out when there is a need. I care for orphans and give to World Vision. But deep down in my heart I know I’m not doing all that I could be doing. For that reason Luke 12:47 frightens me. I know better.
I often wonder will there be a list when I get to heaven? I believe things will become known to us. That smile you gave to the person at the store, may have turned their day around and you will hear about it. Those Bibles you donated, you will have believers coming to you thanking you for the word. You will see the people their lives touched after they were saved. The child you sponsored will come forward. BUT the other stuff is more scary. Will I see all those people I drove by – the homeless and the hurting? Will I see the people I hurt when I was distracted and unforgiving? Will there be a list of all those mental attitude sins that I did each and every day? Gluttony – too often. Judgmental – more than I care to admit. Envious – it’s too easy to do that. Angry, lazy, the list goes on. I know Christ died for my sins and they are covered, but the fact that they are keeping me from being who I could be bothers me.
I don’t believe God promises me wonderful vacations and an easy life. I do believe He says eternity is wonderful. The blessings will be more than I can even comprehend. I sometimes forget that it’s not about my life here on earth according to the world’s standards. It’s about fulfilling His purpose for my life here. I know people think to be adopting at 48 is crazy, but there are at least 2 more babies that are waiting for me to mommy them. 2 more babies that I should love and protect for as long as I am allowed. I believe this to my core. I’m hoping for more than that. I know that it sounds crazy, but I am so happy to think about more babies. When I was young I had hoped to have 12 children and then I let fear get in my way. God’s plan is much better though. Now I get the chance to have 12 (I do so hope) and I am old enough, with enough life experience, to truly appreciate what that means. I get to have my dream when I thought that dream was long gone. It makes me cry sometimes that is how blessed I feel.
God is calling Dan and I. It’s not just to adopt either. I’m not sure where it will lead but the stuff that has happened on Dan’s end has been amazing. God is truly an awesome and wonderful God. Watching everything fall into place has been truly amazing. If there is anyone who is busy, it is Dan. He works at Mercy; he is the Director of Clinical & Quality Improvement for a national company; he writes articles, journals, and books; and yet, when the opportunity to volunteer for Love Without Boundaries came about he stepped up. He goes above and beyond and I love that about him. God is calling us. I’m excited and scared senseless at what that might mean. We have so many ideas some of which are coming into play. Helping orphans has been laid heavily on my heart and God will provide the direction. There are so many hurting children. If you could see the pictures that I have seen you would cry and have your heart hurt right along with mine. I can’t share most of them because of confidentiality, but I can share one blog that recently came to my attention. http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/search/label/Ruby%20Grace Read the headings The Miracle of Ruby Grace – Part 1&2 and try not to be moved.
Which leads me to where my thoughts have really been lately. I have heard people say I understand about adopting, but my life is so much simpler now. The kids are all in school. Life is good. I don’t think that I could add that to my plate or afford it or I’m too scared. I understand that. Adoption isn’t for everyone. I get that. But you can mentor, volunteer, donate, sponsor a child, etc. There are a million ways to do what God is calling you to do. I just have a really hard time with the “my kids are growing up and life is easy now” statement, because in reality what you are saying is your are more willing to leave a child in an orphanage rather than make your life harder. A hard statement I know, but I believe it. I’ve said the “I’m too busy to…” “I don’t have any money to spare.” “It won’t make a difference.” But none of those things are true. That is why I’m having difficulty with my own life. What am I saying by not doing more? What am I saying by not giving more? You can have an effect that goes on and on – the butterfly effect is what it is called. Dan likes to say you can have a butterfly effect or a maggot effect. What do you want your life to mean? Spread those wings and shower love on those that you can. You never know who’s life you are touching with something as simple as a smile.
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Fun Friday Photo
I thought I’d take an idea from a friend of mine (thanks Lisa) and post a funny photo or two every week. My topics can be a little serious sometimes so we will lighten it up with fun photos of my kiddos.
Waiting for her sisters to come back upstairs.
New beds are the best!
Playing is hard work!
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The best thing that ever happened to me.
It takes Dan days to read this so I know I will get away with it for at least a little while. 🙂
On Father’s day I wrote on Facebook and this is what I said:
“I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. I am blessed that he is a man after God’s own heart. That he believes in God’s plan for his life. That he believes God has a purpose for our children’s lives and he does all he can to help them achieve that purpose. I love that his job is to care for the sickest of babies and he does it to the best of his God-given abilities. I love that he makes me laugh every day, that he makes me a much better person, that he encourages me in every way, and that I am perfectly content to do absolutely nothing with him and it’s still a great day! Happy Father’s Day sweetheart!”
And this is what Cassie said:
‘The greatest thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.’ – Elaine S. Dalton
Thankfully, I have gotten to grow up in a house where this is lived out everyday. Thank you daddy, for not only being the open-hearted, loving daddy that you are, but for openly showing momma love every single day. You two have created one of the most amazing relationships, and I pray that I can have one like it someday.
I love you daddy! ♥I am lucky enough to be loved by a man who tells me every single day over and over again how much he loves me. I am definitely not the prettiest and not the fittest but he makes me feel like I am. He encourages me with my job and helps me to achieve my goals. He is my best friend and he is the first person I want to tell everything to. He makes me laugh. He holds me up when I’m sad. He is so on board with all of my dreams. He loves babies as much as I do. He gives his all at work and tries his best to care for the sickest babies out there. He takes his job of Director of Clinical and Quality Improvement for the national company he works for very serious. He does so many things that others take credit for and he never complains. The mama bear in me wants to scream and he always tells me. “It’s not about me. It’s about taking care of the babies. As long as they get the care they deserve, I don’t care who gets the credit”. He starts every day with God’s word, asking for the wisdom and the courage to do the right thing. He takes the time to really talk to parents because he knows what it’s like to be on the other side. He is so quiet and sometimes I think people miss his funny side and assume that he is quiet and reserved. I often joke that when he retires he could be a comedian. I love to watch him with our kids. I love how they run to him and he picks them up to hug them tight. I love how he nicknames them all and let’s them know just how unique and special they are. I love how he knows that his job is their salvation first and for them to find their purpose second.
I just want to put it all in writing for him. I love him so much. We have been married 27 years now and they have been some of the hardest times but they have always been the best of times because he has been by my side, holding my hand, and trusting a God with a plan that we might not always understand.
I love you Dan! You are truly more than I deserve. You took my broken heart, healed it and helped me find my purpose. You are my rock and my soft place to fall. I am a very, very blessed woman to be able to call you my friend and my husband. I can’t wait for what God brings to us next.
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Prosperity can make you poor
Sometimes when I stop and truly think about my children and their health issues, I can barely breathe. Honestly! Tears fall and my heart just hurts. I know that they will have an eternity of happiness, but I also know they will not grow old and pain will be a huge part of their lives. I know there will be medications and tests and blood draws and hospital stays and surgeries. I know that someday we will be at the end, way before their time, and I will have to stand by and watch and there won’t be anything I can do. I know this because I have been there before. I cried tears as they rolled out the white curtain to give us “some privacy” in the NICU. I don’t know who was around that night or who heard my anguish. Honestly at that moment I did not care. I only cared that my baby, who I had so many dreams for, was gone. It wasn’t fair. It hurt to watch him die. It hurt when I had to drive him to the funeral home in Fort Dodge after his autopsy because we couldn’t afford to have them come get him. It hurt when we picked out a very small white casket. It hurt because the headstone was yet one more thing that I could not afford and that was NOT what I wanted to be buying anyway. I wanted to buy cribs and little overalls and tiny tennis shoes. I had dreams of curly haired little blonde boys happily running through the grass. I did not want to put my baby in the ground. I hurt as I watched my husband walk over to the hearse and grab his little casket and carry it to the gravesite. It all hurt. It hurt so unbelievably bad. I never wanted to have another child. Coming from someone who wanted 12 when she was a little girl — that was a big deal!
I understand hospital stays (almost 5 years of them). I understand surgeries (close to 100 of them). I understand pain so horrible that your baby cries out, pounding on his head and hitting the gurney because he just wants to go to surgery and have the pain stop. I’ve prayed that God would just take him. I’ve cried out for Jesus to rescue him in any way that He could. I’ve watched my son seize so bad that the only thing touching the bed were his head and his feet. I’ve had a daughter come back from surgery with her chest wide open because they couldn’t get it closed. I’ve sat in surgery waiting rooms where we’ve been back for three shunt surgeries in one day and even the receptionist cried with us. I have had bad news after biopsies. I’ve been there. I understand what I’m signing up for and yet I choose to do it again because love is more important than the hurt. Love is bigger than the hurt. The months or years that I have with them will be worth every moment I spend waiting to be with them again. I will not hold back my love because I am afraid. Because I am not afraid of what lies ahead. I have full confidence in a God that is so much bigger than me. I have heard the bad news but I know the good news!
The truth of the matter is when everything is going right I rarely have a reason to turn to the Lord. I spent years, when I was young, showing up at church on Sunday, I prayed, I sang, I went home and nothing about my week or my life really changed. I was compulsive about having a perfect body. I was compulsive about having a clean house. I know that as a teenager me trying to control these areas was me trying to pretend that I had some control. After I was molested when I was 11, my life felt out of control. I was confused and hurting and I controlled the things I could but at an unhealthy level. My mom and dad divorced and my whole world changed. As a child, that messes with you. Life is not perfect. Where is God? Did He even care? For years I thought those bad things that happened were my fault. That I somehow deserved them.
My life changed forever when Codey and Kyle were born. I no longer cared if my house was clean. Well, the reality was, I didn’t have a house or apartment, we lived at the Ronald McDonald House, but still what did I care if there was a dish in the sink. Kyle was gone and Codey was barely hanging on. I wanted to be at his bedside. My body I worked so hard to get was gone. I may have only made it 29 weeks with the boys, but my body took a beating. I went from a 24 inch waist to over 50 inches because I had polyhydramnios (excessive amniotic fluid). Everything I thought mattered was gone. The house, the job, the money, my son, a car, my body, everything except Dan, was gone. I had no control. I had to turn it over. It was either that or lose my mind. I had to believe God was in control and that His plan was perfect. I had to believe that all things work together for good.
Those tests and trials changed everything about my life. It was no longer about going to church on Sunday, it was about a relationship with the Lord. I began purposely praying throughout the day. I thanked God for everything – trials & blessings. I realized that there were tests in life and how I responded to them really did matter. When I started to keep short accounts of my sins & confessed them, I felt better. We often think if we aren’t doing anything wrong according to the 10 commandments then we are fine. We think if we are doing better in most people’s eyes than that guy down the street, well, then we must be doing all right in God’s eyes. The truth is we are all sinners. Everyone of us. It helps you forgive and put bitterness aside when you realize Christ died for all our sins. Every sin matters – big or small. The seven deadly sins really are deadly…wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony. Who among can say we don’t do any of these?
Even when all I had to eat was peanut butter and a loaf of bread, I still had food. Even when I couldn’t afford to bury my son, I had family that provided. Even at my worst, living in an apartment with roaches and no freezer and a little, tiny fridge, I had a roof over my head and a comfortable bed to sleep in. I am blessed because the truth of the matter is “if you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of the world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet and some spare change, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthiest. If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million people that won’t survive this week.”
I have wealth. I have a beautiful home and a nice car. I have lots and lots of stuff, but when you have lots of stuff you tend to rely on yourself, your job, your bank account, when you are hurt you go to your doctor, when you are hungry you go to the store for groceries. You rarely turn to God and truly have a relationship with him unless things are bad. If the only time you go to God is when you need something, then you are spiritually poor. You may be among the wealthiest in the world, but you are then spiritually poor because you aren’t turning to God. Every day I wake up knowing just how much I need God in my life. I look at their faces and I keep my eyes on the Lord. Then and only then can I truly live in the moment. I can be Ben’s mommy and just love him. I can hold him and be in the moment. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow because God has it covered. I don’t have to worry about how many days Ben has left because God knew Ben’s days before he even came to be. I trust in that plan still to this day. I may not understand it, but I trust it.
I just finished reading the book “Kisses from Katie” and it just confirmed everything I have been feeling. I can’t go through my days and do nothing. I have so much and so many children are dying of treatable illness and malnutrition. There has to be a way to fix it. I realize the world isn’t perfect. I realize there are big governments and evil people in the way of helping the truly destitute. But there has to be a way. Katie has made a difference in so many children’s lives. It is truly amazing. She is 22 and has 13 children all while living in Uganda and finding sponsors for 400 children to go to school and still she does more.
Matthew 25:40 “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’” I have been asking myself that a lot lately. What more can I do for the least of these? God is leading….I’m excited to see where it goes.
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The greatest of these is love….
I started this blog after my husband encouraged me to put my words down in writing. I sat and debated a blog for months because I wasn’t sure I wanted to put my feelings out there for others to read. He reminded me that if I don’t tell the kid’s story then I don’t let God’s glory shine either. The truth is hard to hide from and God places things on your heart and then you must pay attention. I wanted a blog that said something about being blessed. On blogspot there weren’t many of those “blessed” blogs left. I guess there are lots of people who feel blessed – praises all around for that! Zach then said that he could start me a website of my own if I would just come up with a name. All of my children and other family members gave me ideas. Those ideas all played on the fact that I use the word “seriously”….a lot. Way too much! So it became my site and every time I type it in it makes me smile. Because I am truly and utterly seriously blessed. That doesn’t mean I don’t have troubles or tests or trials. I just choose to see them for what they are, an opportunity to trust God, to turn everything over to Him, to place my faith where it should have been to start with because I was never in control anyway.
Zach initially made it hard to leave a response. Mainly because he was afraid of random people spamming me or criticizing me. I recently came across a quote that said “man’s criticism’s make it possible for you to stay humble while hearing man’s praise”. I don’t want to hear the praise because the reality is I don’t feel like I’ve done anything all that remarkable I have heard from a couple of people this week and it is as if God was saying it’s okay, listen to what they have to say. They are hearing that it is about Me and not about you. For that reason, I had him make it easier to leave a response although it still seems difficult to figure it out. I talked Linda through it just the other day to make sure that it worked. Directions for leaving a response: just click on the heading and it will open that post by itself and at the bottom of the page there should be a place for replying.
I know there are people who will read my blog and think I am boasting. I’m not. I know that I am but a speck in a great big sea. I have had life knock me to my knees more times than I care to mention. I know what is truly important in life and I’m humbled every day by the gifts I have been given. I have a husband who is my best friend, who loves me and tells me just how much every day. I have children who I cherish and I love to spend time with. I have been blessed enough to be able to adopt 3 children who have changed my lives in ways too numerous to mention. I get to see so many firsts and my heart is overflowing with love and gratitude to a God that made this possible.
I hear people talk all the time about how expensive adoption is and I know that is true. I maxed out a credit card, drained a savings account and still had to borrow a little bit more. It’s not easy even if your spouse makes a very good living. But if God places this on your heart you have to trust Him that it will be doable. I’ve seen people have garage sales, bake sales, auctions, put out jars in stores, just about anything you can imagine. There are ways to make it happen. There are organizations that give grants. It should not cost so much to take in an abandoned baby, but that is another talk for another day. What you will receive in return is a hundred fold more important and wonderful than those few dollars that you will spend. Besides it was never my money anyway…it’s always been Gods!
For those dollars that were spent, I’ve had the joy of watching a sweet little 2 year old blossom. When we got her that day in the registration office, to say she was quiet and sad would be an understatement. We stripped her out of her clothes when we got to the hotel and both Dan and I cried. She was starving with little tiny arms and legs and a distended belly. Because of the bumps on her ribs and her bowed wrists and legs, Dan guessed she had rickets and this was later confirmed. She had a bald spot on the back of her little head because the instant she got mad, she would throw herself to the floor and rub her head back and forth as she cried. This happened over and over again those first few days. She didn’t understand “no”. She was sad when the food got moved. I’m not sure anyone had ever tried to communicate with her which is sad because she can hear even without her BAHA. I held her. I rocked her. I comforted her and it stopped. It didn’t take very long and there was more and more time between each incident. I can’t remember the last time she threw herself to the ground – not since we left China. All of this changed because of love. Because we took the time to hold her and comfort her and care. That is all it took – well, that and a lot of noodles. 🙂 Now she runs through my house giggling, laughing, and throwing herself at your legs with great big bear hugs.
Probably the saddest thing was if they got hurt neither of the kids cried. If they hit their head hard or fell down, they didn’t cry tears. It took me a bit to even realize that was happening. It was as if it didn’t matter. They knew no one would comfort them so the tears never came. I can’t even explain how that feels as a mother. Sometimes when I think of what they have gone through my heart just hurts. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand this world. I don’t understand abandoning a baby. I don’t understand so much and the world seems so evil and really what can I possibly do? I can’t fix poverty or starvation or HIV or cancer or war. But what I can do is take one life and turn it around. One life at a time. It’s all any of us can do. I’ve now had the privilege of doing that with 3 lives. What a gift that is. You can’t put a price on how that will change your life. I have regretted many things that I have done in my past. I have regretted things that I have said out of anger. I’ve regretted things I should have said but chose not to out of embarrassment or lost opportunity. BUT I have never ever regretted helping someone, saying something that would brighten their day, telling someone that I love them or encouraging someone in some way.
I think that is each of our challenges, to seek God with all your heart and allow His glory to shine. Your testimony is your life. You can preach. You can quote the Bible. You can criticize and lecture and judge, but those things won’t bring anyone closer to God. I don’t want to be in the way of someone seeing God’s glory. I want others to see in my life the faith I have in a God and a plan that I can’t possibly understand. I have had the privilege of watching a little life turn around. I have had the great honor of bringing joy to a sad little boy and girl. I can give Benjamin years of joy, but that joy will never, ever compare to the joy he will feel in heaven. In the end, that will be my greatest gift to him, to show him the love of God and show him the way to salvation. I want to help him understand we are all waiting to be adopted. We are all longing to be loved for who we are. We are all looking for that one person who won’t let us down. No one on earth can do that for us because man is not perfect. Only God can do those things. Go to God. Talk to God. Ask Him what you can do for one person. Ask Him to open your eyes to the hurt that He sees. You will be amazed at the peace that comes from trusting a God who has it all under control even though His ways are so far beyond our understanding. Spread a little love to your loved ones and to those that are hurting around you. I guarantee you that you will never regret having done something out of love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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