Archive for the ‘Evangeline Faith’ Category

  • Updates

    Date: 2013.07.20 | Category: Adoption, Benjamin, Cassie, Codey, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Grace, Hope, Jasmine (Shuang Shuang), Lainey Rae, Maisey, Zachary

    So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV

    I’ve been hanging on tight to the “do not fear” portion of this verse for the last couple of weeks.

    I will apologize ahead of time that this post is long.  I’ve chosen to post updates on everyone in one blog.  The good news is each paragraph is a story in itself so you can stop and come back and it won’t even matter.  Plus, if you leave and come back it adds another visit to my blog and I am really close to going over the 20,000 visit mark for the year.  Isn’t that unbelievable?  I sometimes forget that there are those, that I don’t even know personally, following our story.  I update for my family and friends who I know are praying for our family and for each of my children and pray that maybe, just maybe, I will reach someone I don’t know and they will be encouraged to do more.  They will be encouraged to follow where God leads them, even if they are afraid.  It just seems amazing to me that our story touches others.  To me, it is just our life.  It’s just my normal.  It can be really, really loud, and really, really busy, but at the end of the day we are just a family.

    If you are one of my readers, which I guess you’d be if you are reading this, thank you.  Truly thank you.  Thank you for caring about my children.  Thank you for covering our family in prayer.  As Christians we are commanded to encourage each other and lift up each other.  You do that for me with your comments.  You do that every time I hear about someone praying for my children.  What a blessing.  It goes without saying that the title of my blog says it all….I am SERIOUSLY blessed!  Thank you!

    Benjamin

    Poor Benjamin had been feeling so bad.  He was admitted to the hospital to receive IVIG because his platelets dropped to 12,000.   He had a severe reaction to the IVIG, his temp jumped to 105.1 and his heart rate was well over 190.  When your heart is as overworked as Benjamin’s is already, a very high heart rate for an extended period of time is not a good thing. During his hospital stay, I asked him, “Benjamin, do you know that God loves you?”  and he responded, “Yes!” and then I said, “Benjamin, do you trust me?” and he said, “Yes mama!”  as he snuggled in closer he said, “I’ll be brave.”   He really is the bravest kid.   I wish I had the words to properly convey how humbling and overwhelming it is to watch your child truly trust God.  When said child is only 4, it is just mind blowing.  Benjamin is sweet and gentle and so loving.  Benjamin can not hear sirens without requesting that everyone pray, well commanding it is more like it.  When you pray, you have to pray for the person who is hurting, for their family, for the people driving, and for their safety.  You can’t leave anyone out.

    We had been home for a couple days and Ben was still whiny and not eating.  His dentist decided it was time to take out two molars before he has surgery.  One of them was infected and yet Ben wouldn’t really complain.  Benjamin’s surgery is scheduled for August 13th at Mayo.  We have to check in early the morning of the 11th to check his platelets and see what needs to be done to get him ready for surgery.  I am nervous about this surgery, but we know it is his only hope of being pinker and extending his life.  We are trusting in God’s plan and His timing.  We are putting Benjamin in His hands and praying for the best.   Plus, Benjamin has decided that he is SuperBen Ben and he can handle anything!

    Super Ben

    Plus, Gracie has informed me that “it’s a pretty good day for a miracle”.  So we are going to go with that.  It does seem like a pretty good day for a miracle!  🙂

    Cassandra

    She has been such a huge help this summer.  She was invaluable in China and continues to be so.  She allows her mama some sleep, some much needed sleep.  I am always amazed at how much she has learned from our life.  She is so far ahead in her walk with Christ than I was at her age.  Here is her latest post that shows exactly what I’m talking about.   Things I Have Learned

    Codey

    The boy turned 25.  How is that even possible?  I’m barely over 25.  Although, I suppose that makes the fact that I just had my 30th high school reunion a little improbable too.  🙂   Codey has adjusted well to all his siblings.  He doesn’t seem to mind the increased decibels in the house.  It has gone remarkably well.  Better than I could have even hoped for.  He has been healthy and he is a pretty happy guy.

    Elijah

    We now know why it said that he was “charming and handsome” throughout his papers from the orphanage.  This boy will charm the socks off you.  He is sweet and the faces he makes just crack me up.  Last night we hit a wonderful milestone and he melted my heart a little more.  There are many habits that children come with, who are raised in an institution, one of them is not wanting to be held or rocked.  Some, not all, children have this.  They are so used to being alone.  Comforting themselves.  Not crying out when they are in pain because no one responds.  It’s just very, very sad.  Last night Eli had a nightmare and he let me rock him.  He let me hold him and comfort him and he said, “Mama, wuv you.”  Those moments are to be treasured.   Those moments of complete trust and the understanding that you are there for them.  Little tiny steps but every time they happen they just warm your heart.

    eli

    Evangeline

    This little girl just continues to improve every single day.  She has gained about a pound a week and weighs in at 20 pounds now.  She is sitting, crawling all over, pulling herself up to standing.  She is singing and saying new words every day.  Little Evie’s heart catherization is scheduled for August 6th at the U of I Hospitals.   I am soooooo not ready for this, but she is getting bluer and bluer.  It needs to be done.  I love, love, LOVE this little girl so much!  She has a personality that is just so big!  She steals people’s hearts in a matter of minutes when they meet her.   They are hoping to place a stent in her PDA and increase the blood flow to her very small pulmonary arteries.  Their hope is with increased blood flow, maybe her arteries will grow.  I’ve had others write to me, to encourage us, with stories telling how this has worked for their children.  Praying that there is hope for our little Evie Faith.  Her middle name says it all – we have proceeded in faith and continue to press on in faith.

    Faith makes things possible NOT easy.  Have you heard that saying before?  That’s where I am right now.  It’s easy to love her.  It’s easy to have your heart completely stolen by her.  It’s easy to thank God for the gift of being her mama.  It’s hard to know that I may not ever get to have a birthday cake with her.  How silly is that?  But not being able to celebrate a milestone with her makes me cry.  It really is the little things in life that matter.  It’s hard to think about taking this chance, even though the percentage is low that she won’t make it through the cath, the truth is she might not.  Am I strong enough to take this chance?  How strong is my faith?  Can I truly just turn it over?  Fear Not!  Fear NOT!  FEAR NOT!  Eyes directly on the Lord and counting each and every blessed day I get to spend with her.

    evie stethescope

    Gracie

    She just got a great report from the hospital at her check-up.  She got to drop another medication.  She grew taller, which is a big deal for a child who isn’t growing from being on steroids.  She’s been doing really, really well.  She has also informed me that when she grows up she is adopting 20 kids.  That is just my Gracie’s heart.  She loves more and wants to do more.  She just loves her siblings.   In the picture below she made an early morning picnic for them.  She’s always the one making the forts, playing games, giving baths (with help), having dance parties, etc.

    picnic

    If you are wondering why Benjamin is in a penguin costume, well, the night before the girls had a fancy dance party complete with big, frilly dresses.  Benjamin thought he should wear a tuxedo and this was as close as he could find.  He then wanted to sleep in it, which I allowed.  There’s just something about not knowing how many days you have that make the little things seem like not such a big deal.  Who cares if he sleeps in a penguin costume?

    Hope

    Hope is Epic!  Her words not mine.  I was asking her what she wanted me to tell others about her and she jokingly said, “Say I’m epic!” and then rolled on the floor laughing.  So, of course, I have to include those words.  That is just the kind of mom I am. Supportive!  Actually, Hopey is truly epic and is doing really well.  Health wise you’d never have any clue she is missing half her heart.  She recently just had a nasty bout of strep, but other than that she has been remarkably well.

    Jasmine

    Oh my goodness, this girl has been busy.  She went to another VBS at a friend’s church.  It was wonderful because they used the same VBS theme that our church did so she already knew all the songs and could sing along.  She is learning more about God every day.  We tell her the basics.  God made everything.  God loves you.  God loves me.  We love God.  God brought us to her.  Today a friend of the family who speaks fluent Mandarin asked her about God and told her a few more things.

    The reward for attending every night of VBS was a ticket to the local amusement part, Adventureland.  Tonight she went with Grace, Hope, Cassie, Zach and Stephanie.  She loved it.  She had a corn dog and a sno-cone.  She tried the teacups, the ferris wheel, and a pretty tame roller coaster.  She played tons and tons of games with Zach and won two small stuffed toys.  She had an old time picture taken in the photo shop.

    She has come so far.  We are still waiting for her neuro appointment and her 2 1/2 hour MRI, which is scheduled for next week.  She had an eye exam this week and it broke my heart.   So many things that orphans feel and are fearful of that we can’t even imagine.  Take for instance the eye exam.  They started showing her letters and all was going well until the letter “H” came up on the screen.  She didn’t know “H” so they handed her a board with four letters on it and asked her to point to the one she saw.  It was then that the tears started. Not just a tear but full-out-sobbing tears.  It broke my heart.  She heard the word “test”, couldn’t say the letters, and just lost it.  When I asked her about it on Google Translate all she would say was that she was “afraid”.  She wouldn’t/couldn’t tell me why.  It just made me sad.  Something as simple as not knowing a letter should not fill you with such fear.

    Adventureland girls

    Today I asked her if she was happy here and her little face just lit up and she said, “Oh yes, Mama!”  Those three little words just made my day.

    Lainey

    She is still not sleeping which makes for some really, really, really long nights.  We have started taking shifts.  Every once in a while, Hopey takes the 10 p.m. to 12 p.m. shift for me, because she likes to play video games and she isn’t able to have alone time during the day.  It’s a win-win situation.  Zach hasn’t been able to take many because of the final push on his video game, but sometimes takes the 1 to 3 shift.   Cassie has been taking the 1 a.m. to 7 a.m.  shift with Dan taking over at 4 a.m. when he is able to.  Cassie is sleeping on and off during those hours, getting bottles left and right, holding a child who doesn’t want to be consoled, and all in all, being a life saver.  I get up around 6:30 a.m. and take over with the crew, since no one, but the older kids, like to sleep past 7.  Cassie then goes back to bed until noon.   We have to find a solution before the end of August because Cassie will be going back to school.  We have recently been approved to try melatonin.  There was some debate on whether you could use it with a child with PKU, but we’ve been given the okay.  Hopefully, this will help our child, who doesn’t want to sleep. sleep.

    On top of that we found out that Lainey is extremely farsighted.  We have been noticing that she grabs at things funny, like she just can’t see it clearly. She takes both hands and kind of starts big and brings them in closer.  She seems to have an issue with depth perception and she is clumsy.  It’s nice that at least there is a reason for this.  We ordered her a pair of glasses.  They are like goggles, completely unbreakable.  This child might make that statement untrue.

    lainey

    Here she is rocking her compression shirt.  It has really helped her.  When you put the shirt on, she instantly becomes calm.  It is the strangest thing.

    But all in all, if you saw the Lainey we saw on day 1 and compared her to the Lainey you see before you now, things are so much better.  Truly better.  She is happy.  She hugs.  She plays with the kids.  She laughs out loud.  It does a mama’s heart good to know that she knows she is loved.

    Maisey

    Well, little Maisey Mei got herself some glasses.  Fitting glasses on a little Asian nose and not really having ears is a challenge.  These are what we found.  Cute, little, pink wire-rimmed glasses.  We use her hearing aid headband to hold them up and it seems to be working pretty well.  Her speech has just taken off.  She is getting clearer and clearer in the way she says her words.  She is a great big sister to the littles.

    mei glasses

    Mom

    Mom is back in her own home and feeling better.  She  just had her check-up today.  She is still really weak but is steadily getting better.  Her ejection fraction went from 20% to 35% – so that was wonderful!  We were also told that she would need her carotid surgery done first to allow for proper blood flow to her brain when she is put on bypass.  They said surgery is likely three months after pulmonary emboli are discovered.  That would mean surgery could possibly be in 2 months with her quadruple bypass following 4-6 weeks later.

    I am posting pictures of all the kids so I thought I’d include the picture my sister-in-law recently took of my mom.  She is rocking those Minnie Mouse shades!  Mom won’t care.  Really she won’t.  Have I mentioned that my mom doesn’t own a computer or know how to get on the web to even read my blog?

    45401_10152328194449119_1556514597_n

    (No worries.  I did tell her and she gave me permission.)

    Zachary

    He is busy with his new game that is set to be released at the end of the month.  I say “his” but the truth is, he is the lead programmer for an international company trying to put their first game out.  It’s pretty exciting watching how God has let him use his degree from home, which pretty much everyone said wasn’t possible.  Oh and have I mentioned that he has a girlfriend?   She is very sweet and all of Zachary’s siblings really, really like her.  I won’t out them and put up a picture….yet.  For now, do you hear that Stephanie?  🙂

    Everyone

    Everyone gets along so much better than I could have even hoped for.  Maisey helps Lainey in so many ways.  Maisey seems to have an affinity for helping those who aren’t able to communicate.  She just gets right in their face and directs them.  She makes Lainey hug and hold hands and play.  It is a blessing to watch them play.

    sisters

    Right now the littles are riding their cozy coupes in circles around the couch.

    cozy coupe

    Life is hectic, busier than I could even ever imagined but it is full of love and laughter.  I couldn’t imagine my life without even one of my blessings.

    Praying life is treating you well friends.  Enjoy your family, your friends, your faith and follow God’s lead without fear!

     

     

     

  • Some days

    Date: 2013.07.08 | Category: Adoption, Evangeline Faith

    Some days I can pretend everything is all right

    and some days I can’t.

    There are lots of factors that contribute to some days being harder than others.

    Lack of sleep.

    That certain time of the month.

    Hearing about other children who have lost their battles.

    Reading a mama’s blog where she talks about this battle.

    Being added to a new Facebook group of mama’s who have lost children.

    Feeling like maybe I’m not as strong as I thought I was.

    This little face looks up at me….

    evie

    and my heart breaks.

    It breaks because it took so damn long to get her here.

    Time wasted while paperwork was filed and mailed and authenticated.

    An abandoned baby, left alone.

    In a place no baby should be left.

    evie abandonment

    Time was wasted when I could have held her.

    Time was wasted when I could have loved her more.

    Time was wasted that I can never, ever get back.

    This little girl who is so very sick.

    Who wants me to hold her all day long.

    She laughs and smiles with that huge smile.

    evie pink

    And I try not to think about her being alone.

    But it is hard…

    I mean how can you not think about those nights she cried alone,

    and no one wiped her tears.

    Those times she was scared,

    and no one came.

    Those times when she was sick,

    and no one rocked her through the night.

    Sometimes I can pretend everything is all right,

    but when I hold her little hands, I know the truth….

    evie hands

    She is very, very sick.

    She is wonderful,

    and bright,

    and funny,

    and so unbelievable sweet,

     she smiles all the time,

    and she can barely talk,

    but she looks up at me with those big brown eyes

    and says, “Mama!”

    “Wuv you.”

    It’s only been two months.

    Two short months since she was placed in my arms.

    But I’ve loved her for longer, since I first saw her face.

    Forever it seems.

    She says those words and my heart overflows with love for her.

    As we sat in church today,

     I prayed and thanked God for her again.

    As she tapped me on the chest and said “Mama!”

    Over and over again she said, “Mama!”

    I know I should have told her to stop,

    but she has had so many days when she couldn’t say mama

    because she didn’t have a mama

    and there will be so many days

    when I will no longer be able to  hear the word mama come from her sweet little lips.

    So I let her say it

    over and over and over again

    as she shook her little head “yes”.

    I am so happy that I get to be her mama.

    What a blessing.

    What a joy.

    What an honor beyond any honor.

    I want to shout it from the rooftop.

    “I am Evie’s mama!!!!!”

    I am proud to say that.

    She is a treasure.

    Worth every tear that will fall.

    It hurts my heart sometimes, but….

    truth-be-told I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    I want to be strong for her.

    I want to be here for her.

    I want to live in the moment for her.

    But it hurts

    and I know it’s going to hurt even more

    someday.

    Some days I can pretend that everything is ok,

    but today is just not one of those days…..

  • 30 days to a better me

    Date: 2013.06.13 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Jasmine (Shuang Shuang), Lainey Rae, Thoughts to ponder

    Hard times and deep truths often come together. If you want the latter, you must be willing to make it through the former.  – unknown

    30 days ago today, our family went from 10 to 14.  30 days ago today, I thought I had been through hard and could handle anything.   30 days ago, I thought I had it all figured out.  30 days ago, I thought my faith was secure. 30 days ago, I knew what God was asking of me and I was ready to proceed with this grand adventure. 30 days ago I was so sure that I could handle anything.  30 days ago – oh man, was I was clueless!

    We showed up the day after Mother’s Day, ready to receive three more blessings.  My blessings would then total 12.  My childhood dream of having 12 children was about to come true.  I was happy. I was nervous. I was feeling so blessed.  I knew two of these blessings had complex heart defects.  I knew Lainey had PKU and there was bound to be issues with her feedings.   We were prepared as we could be….at least that is what I thought.

    But 24 hours later, I was questioning everything.  How could God bring me to this.  This was not  just hard, but realllllyyyyyyy hard?  I was already doing my best with a life that was hard at home.  Not so much hard, but complicated.   I have children with complex medical conditions.  I have a busy household already.  I do g.t. feedings and oral feedings, medications, and lots of appointments, on top of homeschooling and all my usual mommy chores.  How in the world were we going to do any of this?

    All I could see in that first 24 hours was the hard. The fits, the crying, the whining, the refusing to eat, the not sleeping, the more complex diagnoses and the fear. Fear was a very real emotion during those first few days.  How were we going to handle this?  Before we traveled, I was so sure that we could handle it.  But now I doubted everything.

    Well not everything, I still believed with all my heart that God brought me to these children.  These were my children.  But I doubted me.  Maybe that is why this happened.  I mother pretty well.  I mother people who don’t want to be mothered.  I have been known to mother my grown children’s friends.  It’s just in my genetic code.  It is who I am.  When others dreamed of being doctors, nurses, and teachers, I dreamed of being a mom.  I have always believed in my ability to mother.  I don’t do everything right, but I have what I believe to be the most important aspects of mothering and I do those to the best of my abilities.  I believe God brought me, once again, to that place of being so overwhelmed that I knew there was no way in the world I could do this, which placed all that we were doing, even more so, at the base of the throne of my Lord.  Only through Him would we ever be able to do this.  Only with Him would I be able to survive.

    So 30 days later, I praise a God with a plan that is so much bigger and better than mine.  I give all glory to Him and the previous year that brought us to our blessings.  Our wonderful, unbelievable blessings that have made so much progress in just 30 days.

    Evie’s prognosis may not have been what we had hoped, but we have not given up hope.  In 30 days, this little girl has gone from not being able to sit by herself to crawling across the floor at lightning speed.  She is so happy and so loving. She is so very beautiful with her big brown eyes.  She is very blue still with O2 sats in the mid 50’s and low 60’s,but she has already put on four pounds.  This is what a little love and a little food will do for you.

    evie

    30 days later, and this handsome little guy has become Mr. Charming.  He was withdrawn, whiny, and refused to eat for days, but now he is so sweet and loving and there isn’t a food he doesn’t like. He is thoughtful and takes care of his sisters.  He is the perfect little guy to end our family.  (Although, Gracie did tell me last night that she wished she could hypnotize me so I would forget how many children we had so we could adopt again.)   🙂

    eli

    Shuang Shuang’s smile lights up our house throughout the day.  She laughs, and teases, and is the best big sister.  She holds the kids.  They climb all over her wheelchair.  She even reads to them.  She has been so trusting from day one.   We have been so moved by all the people who have had their lives touched by her.  We have received letters and e-mails.  She received an American Girl doll with a wheelchair from her new pen pals.   She received a birthday present from Spain from a family that had sponsored her while she was in the orphanage.   It has been so moving and we have made new friends.  Her diagnosis was not what we had planned on and her future won’t contain the healing surgery we hoped for, but we are blessed to have had her join our family.

    min 9

    min 10

    Which brings us to little Lainey, she was so very sad those first 48 hours.  She broke my heart and I wondered if I would ever be able to reach her.  Would she ever be happy?  Would she always be in her own little world?  Would this angry, crying, temper tantrum throwing be all that there was?   30 days later and we see a girl who smiles most of the day.  She runs up to all her siblings and loves to chase Codey.  She loves to climb up in your lap and sit.  She plays and she laughs and she is truly happy.  There are still a few outbursts, but they are few and far between and most of them involve wanting her bottle.  She is not magically cured and she still spends a lot of time in her own little world, but there are moments of eye contact with meaning. There is purposeful play.  She runs up and hugs people and kisses them.  She loves to cuddle on your shoulder.

    China 2013 037

    30 days have brought so many changes to our family.  I thought there was no way that I would be able to do any of the usual things that I did with the kids, but….

    This is what we look like going shopping.

    shopping

    This is what we look like swimming.

    pool

    This is what we look like hanging at home.

    new normal

    This is what we look like in our car.

    5 in the car

    We can’t all fit in one or even two of our cars, which is why we had to buy a bus….

    mei bus

    Which made Benjamin very, very happy!

    ben bus

    30 days later and although my house is messier and I am definitely more tired, I have had the privilege of watching little ones bloom.  What a miracle to get to be a part of.  30 days later and I trust God even more.  30 days later and I realize that I set my goals too small.  I believe that I can’t when God knows that I can with His help.  We are still getting used to our new normal.  We are still trying to figure out how to run our days as smoothly as we can.  But 30 days later, I have been kissed more, hugged more and loved more than I ever believed possible.  I have heard more laughter and have had more love showered on me than any mama deserves.  30 days later is a very good place to be.

  • The good, the bad, the adorable…

    Date: 2013.06.01 | Category: Evangeline Faith

    THE GOOD:

    Tomorrow is the big day.  Shuang Shuang will turn 14.  Dan hit Toys’R’Us one last time for good measure.  I think the girl has enough gifts now. We have been counting down the days.  We have been joking all week about what she does and doesn’t want for her birthday.  She wants a big, pink, princess cake so I keep acting confused and saying “Blue, trucks and cars cake?”  and she laughs.  Mema got her a pink, princess cake, so all is well.  We’ve bought enough pink decorations to decorate the whole house or at least it seems that way.   Hopefully, she will have a nice day.  I think she deserves a nice birthday.  She has spent her 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, and 13th birthday in that orphanage.  It’s about time for some celebrating.

    SOME GOOD AND SOME BAD:

    We took Evie, Lainey and Eli to Iowa City for appointments today.  I told people I would update my blog when we knew anything.  There’s not a lot to tell, but I’ll let you know what I do know.  Lainey had all her bloodwork done for her PKU.  We will hopefully get her diet back on track and she will feel even better.  We’ve seen big changes in her since we’ve come home so I think we are on the right track.

    Evie and Eli had EKG’s and echos.  Our cardiologist was in the room during the echo, to try and catch what he could, without them having to be examined for a long time.  Eli’s was pretty much what we thought.  He will need to be seen by Dr. Hanley at Stanford in the next few months.  No heart catherization in his future until we get to Stanford.  If we did one here, they would just repeat it when we got to California.  So we have a few more months before Eli has to have a procedure done.  Eli has pulmonary atresia and that is Dr. Hanley’s speciality.   Eli’s sats were 78%.  He is much pinker than Ben and Evie.  Although they said it might be because he’s anemic.

    Dr. D has recommended that we take care of Evie’s issues, the Ben’s, and finally Eli’s within the next couple of months.

    Evie’s was much more complicated than we thought.  We had high hopes that her single ventricle would allow her to have surgery.  It doesn’t look like that is the case. It looks like her pulmonary arteries are almost non-existent and she is getting blood flow to her lungs via collaterals and a small PDA.   Of course, we won’t know for 100% sure until after the heart catherization.   They want to do her heart cath next Thursday.  They made time in their schedule for her, but after thinking it through, we are going to wait a while.  She is just so malnourished.  She doesn’t have much reserve.  They warned us that her cath comes with a much higher incidence of death and I don’t think I could take that this soon into it.  I know there will never be a time that I say, “Oh now would be a good time to let her go.”  But right now seems too soon.  I don’t want to risk it.  If they said her only chance was to have her cath next week, well then I’d have her go through with it.  But they said she’s been sick for a long time, so a few more days or weeks shouldn’t hurt anything.  She’s had sats in the low 60’s, high 50’s for a while now.  A little time will be a good thing, time to grow and just be with her family.  At least after much prayer and consideration, that is what our hearts are telling us.  Man these decisions truly suck!  There’s a few other choice words I could use, but I’ll be nice and stick with sucks!  She is just such a sweet soul.  I know no child deserves to die.  No child deserves to suffer.  But this little girl is beyond special.  She charms the socks off everyone she meets.  Her whole face just lights up and she is so animated.  It breaks my heart.  Yes, I knew the odds going in but it still hurts when you are hit with reality this soon.

    We will continue to pray for our little girl and love her like crazy.  You never know what will happen and only God knows the number of her days.  So for now I’ll just spend my time enjoying her cuteness!  It’s a tough job but someone has to do it.

    ADORABLE:

    China 2013 049

  • It’s amazing what a few days will do….

    Date: 2013.05.20 | Category: China 2013, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Jasmine (Shuang Shuang), Lainey Rae

    Now that I am past the shock of things I wasn’t prepared for and have gotten more than two hours of sleep in a row, things are looking much better.   When you adopt, you know you are not getting the most up-to-date reports and you always take the chance at unforeseen circumstances and diagnoses.  We went into this with our eyes wide open about that and I thought I was prepared for anything that came up, but I obviously wasn’t as prepared as I thought  I was.

    Now that I’ve gotten a week under my belt, I will say right up front that God knows  better than me.  What a statement.  I feel like I should put a “duh” in the middle of that. Obviously God knows better. I have always known this but it still blows my mind everytime I see Him work in my life.  He knows what I can handle.  He knows how to stretch me and challenge me and make my faith grow.  All along,  I have said “I’m too old for an infant.  I couldn’t possibly adopt an older child.  Autism is something I just couldn’t deal with.”  I can’t decide if He is just trying to prove me wrong or not so I have decided to change my new “I couldn’t possibly….” to “I couldn’t possibly handle winning the powerball.”  🙂

    I said, “I couldn’t handle an infant.”  Evie is like a newborn.  She eats every two-three hours.  She isn’t able to sit alone.  She is pretty malnourished and delayed.  We took her in for her medical evaluation yesterday and her oxygen saturations read 53%.  She is very blue and very sick.  Because we have dealt with Ben, it hasn’t been nearly as frightening this time around.  I did say I couldn’t deal with a newborn and guess what?  I can.  Had I avoided this adoption, then I would have missed out on the cutest little girl you have ever seen with the biggest personality.  The first few days she was just so hungry all the time so she cried a lot.  Now that she has been fed continuously for a week, she is already doing so much more.  She is trying to pull herself up to a sitting position.  She can grab on and pull herself up to her knees. She smiles all the time.  It’s funny because people expect her to be an infant and then she smiles at them with all those teeth.  It’s  funny watching their reactions. What a sweet little soul she has.  She charms the socks off of everyone she meets.  I’m glad God knows better because I would have missed out on loving this sweet, little girl.

    I said, “I couldn’t handle an older child.  I said it wouldn’t be a good fit for our family.”  Wow!  Was I wrong.  I wish you could see just how brave Shuang has been.  She has taken this all in stride.  She is all smiles and sweetness.  She had to get her immunizations yesterday and she said it was fine.  She would be brave.  She just wants to get to America and be with her family.  She is so good with the little ones.  She encourages them and shares with them.  She helps them in any way that she can.  She offers you her food.  She tries so hard to be helpful.  When we took her into for her medical appointment yesterday, the doctor started off being so gruff.  Then the doctor’s attitude changed, she talked about how sweet Shuang is.  She talked about how her medical records don’t match with what she has.  We told her we were aware of that.  It’s kind of hard to miss.  By the end of the appointment, the doctor was very kind to Shuang and even walked Dan and Shuang to the elevator and pushed the buttons for them.  Shuang is another sweet soul just looking to be loved.  Everyone has been so moved by her and her story.  No one leaves her presence without being moved.  It is hard for us, in America, to understand what it takes to be disabled in China.  We have had people just stop and glare at her for over 20 minutes.  They yell things at her.  She just smiles and tries so hard to be brave.  I can’t wait to get to America and show her how many people care about her.  To show her that her disability does not make her less than.  She is truly an amazing little girl with the best laugh.  I am so proud to be her mama and it has only been two weeks.  Oh what I would have missed.

    I said, “I couldn’t handle parenting an autistic child.”  The reason for this statement is because I am a very silly, huggy person.  As a matter of fact, the first sentence Shuang learned from us was “mama’s silly”.  It’s a good thing Shuang likes silly.  But the truth is, I was afraid of how I would react to a child that couldn’t show affection back.  That’s not a pretty statement but it’s the truth.  I was afraid of how I would respond as a mother.  I love my biological children and my adopted children the same.  Now we all love our children differently because they are different people.  Nothing in life is even and fair.  I love my children for different reasons because they are different people.  I don’t have favorites though.  That is a totally different thing.  What I was afraid of was the not feeling connected part.  I love spending time with my children.  How would I react to a child that couldn’t show love back.  What I’ve learned is it doesn’t change how you feel as a mother.  It’s unconditional love for a reason.  It’s not based on how they love you back.  It’s based on how much you love them.   Lainey is severely delayed.  Lainey is in her own little world most of the time.  Lainey has triggers that take her into a full blown tantrum very quickly.   We are learning those triggers and have already seen progress in helping her calm quicker and stopping the tantrums before they get full blown.  But Lainey also has a cuddly side.  She doesn’t hug, but she likes to lay her head on your shoulder and just snuggle in.  She laughs and runs and dances and spins.  Lainey has worth and Lainey deserves a family.  I’m glad I get to be her mama.  I know it won’t be easy.  I know we are going to have to make a lot of changes, but I can already see how much she is going to change me as a person.

    God does know better.  God knows what we need to grow as a person and what we can handle.  I will say that without Him I couldn’t handle any of this.  Without His promises to go to time and time again, I would be lost.  I have and will spend many days crying out to Him for strength to get through, but I know His love is constant and His grace is sufficient.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Dan brought me those words to put on the wall in the kid’s room.  It’s a constant reminder of where my eyes should be.

    I would be remiss to not mention little Mr. Eli.  What a charming, handsome boy this boy is.  He is so sweet and soft spoken.  He really does remind me of Zachary when he was little.  God is amazing with how He works.  I am amazed at how He  makes families.  If you know my Zachary, you know what a special boy he has always been.  He has always had a faith that was unbelievable from the time he was little.  He is gentle, smart, observant and the most special kind of boy.  Ben is like that and so is Eli.  It just blows my mind that they are all so alike.  I love that Eli and Ben are going to be such good friends.  I can already see them building things together.  God is so good.

    God has His hands in the smallest of details.  When I stand back and look at how blessed I am to get to be a part of these things, well…..it is just mind boggling.  I humbly stand in awe of a God that would allow me to get to do these things.  Truly, I am amazed.  When I think of all the things that had to come together for this past year to work, it is just mind blowing.  We started out with these words at Codey’s bedside “Faith makes things possible, not easy!”  Faith in God’s plan.  Faith in God’s promises.  Faith that all things work together for good.  Faith in something that is so much bigger than me.  And to think , had I chosen, I would have missed it.

  • 2013 China Adventures: Family Update

    Date: 2013.05.17 | Category: Adoption, China 2013, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Jasmine (Shuang Shuang), Lainey Rae

    I should have posted sooner and I apologize that I haven’t. I have lots of excuses for why I haven’t. First off, I can’t get my phone to hook to internet. I can’t get my blog site to pull up at all. I’ve been blocked here in China. You can get wireless hookup in the main lobby but it’s been too hectic to head downstairs. And lastly, I just haven’t been able to post because I wasn’t sure what to say. I’m filled will so many emotions right now – sadness, anger, grief, joy, feeling blessed and so happy to be with my children. I know Cassie has posted pictures on her site – why she hasn’t been blocked is beyond me. Her site, if you missed it from before, is http://thankfulforthecrazy.wordpress.com/

    I’m not even sure where to start. We have spent days running around for paperwork and today is our first free day which is why I’m trying to post while the kids are napping. Yesterday, we left at 7 a.m. with Evie and Eli. We took a 30 minute taxi ride to the bullet train station, where we walked forever and climbed 3 flights of stairs with a huge bag and a baby waited another 40 minutes and then we took an hour bullet train ride at 300 km/hr to Zumahdian to fill out the paperwork for Evie’s passport. We had time to kill so they took us to her orphanage, which meant another taxi ride. Then it was lunch, another taxi, and run back to the bullet train, up more stairs, another 30 minutes to next stop for Eli’s passport paperwork, more stairs, more taxis, more waiting, crazy women outside of court offices, back in a taxi, more stairs, more walking, one hour and 30 minutes back to our town, one more taxi and then home at 5:00 p.m. and Eli cried frantically every time we were on the train. Overall, that is pretty much how our days are going.

    It is always exhausting when you travel to adopt. Your sleep schedule is messed up. The children come to you with trauma from the orphanage or even if they were well cared for, they have trauma from having to say good-bye. It takes a while for sleep schedules to get worked out, to figure out what they like to eat, and for them to trust. There is a big adjustment period. Though it never fails that they attach themselves to one person and they don’t want much to do with everyone else.

    There is no way to make this short or in a way that makes it one cohesive point so I will finish this and then I am going to write a couple paragraphs about each child. I will tell you ahead of time that this emotional roller coaster has had so many lows – from the unbelievable malnutrition of Evie to the unknown diagnosis of Lainey and Jasmine, to seeing all the children in the orphanage. My heart just hurts, the pain and hurt of knowing what my children will go through and the grief of dreams lost. I know that the will of God will not take me where the grace of God will not provide, but I am having great difficulty understanding all that has happened. I trust His plan and I will continue to trust His plan, but our lives have just gotten ten-fold more complicated than even I thought it was going to be. I will move forward and find a new normal. It will just take some time.

    EVANGELINE FAITH
    On Gotcha Day at the Registration Office, I was so angry when they handed Evie to me. Evie turned two on March 25th. Evie is not able to sit alone. She weighs approximately 12 pounds, maybe a smidge more, by Dan’s judgment and he is usually dead on. 12 month clothes fall off her. We had to head to Wal-Mart and buy her those brand new infant shoes that you get for newborns and they are too big. I can’t even begin to adequately express my anger over her malnutrition. Every horrible thought that you could imagine went through my head, but when we showed up at the orphanage it was very apparent that Evie was loved. Her nanny was so happy to see her. It was a nice enough place. The other babies were chubby. They just weren’t feeding her enough to compensate for the extra calories she needs because of her heart defect.

    We even got to see a new friend’s of ours baby, named Meili. Oh man does this girl have personality. She looked so good and was so happy. She showed us her playroom. Meili danced for us and Dan has a video. We can’t wait to get somewhere that it will let us send it to them.

    We also got to see where Evie was abandoned. It was a street corner covered in garbage and I can’t even begin to tell you how that made me feel. I’m just so happy to take my little girl out of here. The good news is this little girl is full of personality. She smiles at the drop of a hat. She sucks her thumb just like Hopey used to. I’ve never seen another child suck their thumb like this – thumb in mouth, pointer finger up over her nose, and her other arm across her face so she can smell her arm. Plus, she kicks her feet just like Codey did when he was little and still in the hospital. She has brought back lots of wonderful memories. She is so very sick but I still feel so very blessed to be her mama.

    ELIJAH JAMES
    Little Mr. Eli has come out of his shell today. He was definitely loved and believes himself to be the emperor or at least a prince. He offers you his forehead to kiss and he dismisses you with this wave of his hand. The wave is like this “no, no that’s beneath me” wave. It makes me laugh every single time.

    He and Evie refused to eat the first few days. We tried bottles, sippy cups, cups, etc. and couldn’t get them to take anything. Cassie finally got the idea to spoon feed them liquid and that worked. Evie eats every 2-3 hours like a newborn so it’s been a tiresome couple of days. Eli is the healthiest out of everyone. How’s that for a kick in the behind? He looks wonderful and reminds me of Zach when he was little. He’s very quiet. He just sits and observes everything. He was the first to call me mama. Until today he wanted me to hold him 24/7. He wouldn’t eat until we went to KFC yesterday. The chicken finally got to him. If you know Dan, you know that is one of his favorite restaurants.

    Eli truly is very, very sweet. The orphanage care giver that dropped him off said he is unbelievably sweet and easy going. He definitely looks as though he has been spoiled. He plays so sweetly with Evie. He includes Jasmine in everything. He even plays well with Lainey. He shares everything and has the cutest voice. He waved good-bye this morning and said, “Bye, bye baba (daddy).” and then blew dan a kiss. He has adjusted well.

    JASMINE SHUANG
    Jasmine or Shuang-Shuang (Sh-wong, Sh-wong) as she was called in the orphanage is the best girl. Everyone who meets her comments on how sweet and well-behaved she is. She has just gone with the flow. She takes everything in stride. Believe me this is a big deal. We showed up expecting a child with a mass on her back. We knew she was in a wheelchair and expected her to be a paraplegic. We were not expecting a child who can do very little for herself. She tries but she just doesn’t have the tone to do it. She can raise her arms a little. She pulls her pant legs to move her legs. She is able to feed herself, brush her teeth, etc, but that is about it. She has scoliosis that almost bends her in two.

    We are assuming she has some form of muscular dystrophy. I’m going to post that even without a diagnosis because it fits with her story. With m.d. you start to lose muscle function when you are 6 or so. She probably got very clumsy and then it got progressively worse and her parents didn’t know what to do with her. When you meet this girl you will understand what I’m saying when I say, I can NOT even fathom what that took to do that. She is an unbelievable child. She loves being a family and that makes me very, very happy.

    LAINEY RAE
    That leaves Lainey or LuLu, as Cassie has now started calling her. The reason for my pain and anguish. She is a beautiful little girl but she doesn’t just have PKU with a little brain damage. She is severely delayed with autistic characteristics. If you know me, you know that is one of the things I never thought I could handle. There were two things we did not check on disabilities we were willing to take. Those were hydrocephalus, because we had already been through all of that with Codey and I hate seizures, etc. and the second is autism.

    This little girl is so cuddly, which is a gift considering the level of her disability. I’m sharing this with you because when you meet her it is very apparent. This has been a shock and very painful to both Dan and I. We know that no matter what, family will be what is best for her. We will have to make lots of changes in our lives but she is worth it. Just this morning she ran down the hallway giggling and spinning. She was laughing and playing with Eli. She has the capacity to be happy and no matter what her life will be better by not staying here.

    As you can see, we’ve had some adjusting to do – more than we expected – and believe me, I was expecting a lot. Even with the kids being as sick as I knew they were, I wasn’t prepared for this. God has blessed me with quite a few of the “least of these” and I will love them with all my heart.

    FAMILY is a wonderful, wonderful blessing! I just want to get home so we can all start working on our new normal.

  • As ready as we can be….

    Date: 2013.05.02 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Lainey Rae, Photos

    Little did I know, over a year ago, when I had that feeling God wasn’t finished with us and adopting, that it would lead to these four beautiful souls.

    babies x 4

    We have filed all our papers and the very last check has been sent to our agency.   We have spent months, upon months, upon months, praying and hoping that all would work out the way we hoped.  We have watched God unfold miracle after miracle on our behalf and we are feeling blessed beyond measure.  We have dreamed and cried and laughed with joy with each new update including the newest picture of Ben’s didi, Eli!  Isn’t he the sweetest little guy?

    Capture_2

    We have put together five little booster seats…..

    chairs

    along with five little beds….

    And before anyone says anything about it looking like an orphanage or wondering why all the beds would be so close together.  I feel the need to say that when Ben and Maisey came home they wanted to be in the same room.  Plus, every time I place the beds in different positions in the room, this is what Ben does.  He pushes them all together and tells me who will sleep where and how he is going to hold everyone’s hands and then he yells, “Mama, this is gonna be so much fun!”  We  have six bedrooms in the house.  There is more than enough room for them all, but this is how we are going to start out…..together, having so much fun!

    beds

    We have added a mural to their bedroom wall….

    mural

    We have bought three new car seats……  and I have answered “No, I don’t need gift receipts.  Yes, they are mine.  No, I’m not crazy!” more than a few times.  🙂

    carseats

    We have packed all our suitcases and are hoping we haven’t forgotten anything.

    suitcases

    We have added on Cassie at the very last minute due to our agency’s request.  Believe it or not with a week in which to do it, she got her finals moved and taken, her work covered, her visa, the tickets are bought, and she is packed.

    The siblings are excited….

    excited siblings

    The countdown chart has been made.  Dan told Ben that we were going to China to get our treasures and somehow Ben has decided we are traveling on a pirate ship.

    map

    The have gotten in their bonding time with daddy…..

    bonding time

    Everyone adores Zachary so I know they will be loved and well cared for.

    Jan. 28th 2013 067

    So there is nothing left to do, but bid you all adieu.

    What’s to worry about….earthquakes, nuclear war, bird flu?!?!  Nah, God’s got it covered.

    Thank you so much for all your prayers, well wishes, encouragement, and offers to help while we are gone.

    God bless you all!

    In just two short days, we will be off on our great adventure to bring four more children into our family.  It is our greatest wish to give them a warm place to fall and love for the rest of their lives.

    Ben’s conversation with me today says it best:

    Ben – “Mama, Eli is going to say xie xie (thank you).”
    Me – “Why would Eli say xie xie Ben?”
    Ben – “Cause he gets a mama, mama.”

    Every child, even one who has never had one, understands what a mommy and a daddy are.  Family is a beautiful gift that should be every child’s right.  So we leave the comfort of our home and our children, to head half-way across the world to give that right to four more beautiful souls.  God is good and we are blessed!

     

     

     

  • God is so good!

    Date: 2013.03.22 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Lainey Rae

    Praise the Lord!  Yesterday we were told that China has agreed to us adopting four.   We will leave in 4-8 weeks, hopefully, to get our precious children, Elijah (1), Evie (2 on Monday), Lainey (2), and Min (13).  We are all overwhelmed, ecstatic, and feeling extremely blessed.

    You have trusted Him in a few things, and He has not failed you. Trust Him now for everything, and see if He does not do for you exceeding abundantly above all that you could ever have asked or thought, not according to your power or capacity, but according to His own mighty power, that will work in you all the good pleasure of His most blessed will. You find no difficulty in trusting the Lord with the management of the universe and all the outward creation, and can your case be any more complex or difficult than these, that you need to be anxious or troubled about His management of it?    – Hannah Whitall Smith

    DISCLAIMER:  I am hoping everyone understands that we have very unique home circumstances.  We have two adult children living in an apartment on our property ready to help whenever we need it.  My mother-in-law (Linda) and my mom (Marlys) are both retired and willing to help whenever we need it.  My husband, Dan, is a physician specializing in the care of critically ill infants.  Dan works at home during the week doing clinical and quality Improvement for a national company.  He works a 25 hour shift every weekend while the kids are here to help.  There is absolutely no way that we could proceed with this new adventure without all the help and medical training that we have.  This is not going to be a precedent for China and they have graciously agreed to allow Elijah to be adopted on this trip to expedite his care.

    That being said, when Judy called yesterday, tears were flowing.  Well, everyone except Ben, who sat there with his “I told you” look on his face.  This has been such an amazing, faith-filled, miracle producing year.  Maisey and Ben have adjusted remarkably well.  Delays with Eli lead to us proceeding and trying to adopt Min.  I remember sitting in the bathroom and crying when I saw her face.  I questioned God on why He would lay such a thing on my heart when China most certainly wouldn’t allow three at once.  Friends of ours had just learned of a family that was proceeding with adopting three and we got in touch with them.  Their words of wisdom gave us faith to proceed and ask China to allow us to adopt three.  When China allowed three, we were blown away and so thankful.  At that time, we figured we would proceed with returning as quickly as we could to get Eli.  I have known since I first saw his little face that he was my son.  I have never, ever doubted that God had planned for Eli to be with us.  Ben’s absolute certainty that Eli was his brother brought peace to our hearts.   It was so unexplainable how Ben felt about Eli that we have always felt it had to be a God thing.

    When we did our home study we asked our social worker to change it from three to four children, knowing full well that China only allowed two at a time.  Both Dan and I felt that God was saying four.  The home study said four and our provisional I-800 said “allowed to bring four children into the United States”.  We proceeded through our year knowing we were going to get Evie the whole time.  We were waiting on Eli’s papers and it was taking a while so we proceeded with Lainey and Min.  Trusting that God’s plan was perfect.  When Eli’s papers became available, we asked if we could petition China for four.  Everyone said that the chances of it happening were very small.  It had never been done.  It doesn’t seem like such a big deal to us here in the United States but China’s one child policy has led to people believing that you give all your attention to one child and that is the best possible thing for children.  We have had miracle after miracle happen this year so we asked if it would hurt to ask and our agency said no.  The agency had us prepare our Letter of Intent as detailed as possible, they sent it off, and we prayed.  We prayed and so many of our wonderful friends and family prayed.

    We have been overwhelmed with all that the Lord has provided for us during this adoption journey.  We have proceeded with faith that God’s plan and His timing were perfect and we were just along for the ride.  He has shown us some very clear signs and had burdened our hearts with adopting these four children.  We have no clue what the future will hold and I’m sure our lives will change in ways that I can’t even imagine.  When I watch Grace, Hope, Ben and Maisey laughing and consider that I will soon have even more laughter in my house, I am overwhelmed with emotion.  Yes, I know there will be many trying times and sleepless nights ahead.  We have many doctor’s appointments and surgeries in our future.  But the fact that I have been blessed with being able to provide a home and love for these four children absolutely brings me to knees.  I am so blessed and so thankful that God would bless us in such a way.  To God all the glory is given!  Praises upon praises!

     

  • Baby Update

    Date: 2012.12.31 | Category: Adoption, Evangeline Faith, Lainey Rae, Photos

    Today we received notice that CCAI got our Letters of Acceptance (LOA) for Min and Lainey.  China, unfortunately, forgot to send Faith’s.  We will hopefully receive hers in the next couple days. It will be delayed a little bit because their offices are closed tomorrow too.  Once you have the LOA, it means that you get to travel in the next 11-15 weeks.  It’s the next BIG step and we are very excited.  Looks like, if all goes well, we will travel in late March or early April.  Faith’s 2nd birthday is March 25th.  I’m hoping we get her by then.  I’m not disappointed that it is delayed because God’s timing is always perfect and I believe there must be a reason.

    We are still trying to decide on a name for Min.  She is called by the American name Lauren on LWB’s page but she has not been called that name in her orphanage.  It is much harder choosing a name for a teenager.  We may make her name Jasmine Shuang.  Her Chinese name is Min Shuang.  That way we can call her Min or Shuang or whichever name she chooses.  Jasmine means “gift of God” – which seems very fitting.  I wish she could just tell me whether she wants an American name or to keep her given name.  We are still debating a couple of names.  We have to decide soon because it has to go on her immigration forms.

    On the subject of names, we have been going back and forth on whether to call Faith – Faith Evangeline or Evangeline Faith.  Everyone has started calling her Evie which seems fitting somehow.  It’s funny we started out with Maisey’s name being MeiLyn and then it somehow got changed to Maisey MeiLyn.  I love how names slowly evolve and fit the child.  It’s been a fun process.

    I just wanted to share our good news with everyone.  We are getting closer.  Although, sometimes it seems to be taking forever. I’m trying hard to be patient.  (Not my strongest suit.)

    Here are the newest picture of Min.  In one, she has the teddy bear we sent her and is sharing the candy we gave her to share with the other children.  In the other, it shows her new English tutor helping teach her.  What beautiful pictures.  I can’t wait to meet her and let her know in person how much she is truly loved.

    Happy New Year everyone!

  • Baby update

    Date: 2012.09.30 | Category: Adoption, Elijah, Evangeline Faith, Lainey Rae

    First, I will share a conversation that I had with Gracie the other day. It was my chuckle for the day.

    Gracie – “Mom, are we ever going to fly on a plane again?”
    Mom – “Sure honey after we are done and get all the kids here, I would love to take them to Disney World.”
    Gracie – “So we are never going to fly on a plane again?”
    Mom – “Why would you say that? Didn’t you just hear what I said?”
    Gracie – “I heard you, but how will we ever know when we are done?”

    We have received pre-approval for Faith, a little one year old with a complex heart defect (one ventricle).  We are still waiting on Eli’s papers.  Eli is a one year old with a heart defect.   We have not sent in the papers for Lauren (Min) yet because they think our best hope of getting all three is to present Eli & Lauren at the same time.  I pray that it works.  My heart would hurt to tell her no.  I wish I could get the information to her.  I know she is sitting there thinking her time is running out and here we are waiting to let her know.  She turns 14 on June 1, 2013, after that she is no longer able to be adopted.

    I can’t believe that I am excited to be trying to do 3 at once.  Truth be told there is another little girl and if I could do 4 at once, I would gladly do it.  The other little girl, Lainey, had another family in line in front of us.  We had prayed that she would be adopted by them and had to make a choice to proceed with the others. These decisions are so hard.  It breaks your heart.  There are just so many children who need a family, but these 4 in particular have touched our hearts.  I have not lost the irony of the fact that those 4 would make my dream come true and I would have my 12.  🙂

    I don’t often talk about Dan. Mainly, because he is quiet and doesn’t like me bringing attention to his wonderfulness.  He truly is my soul mate.  He is so on board with all of these adoptions and has, in fact, admitted that he isn’t sure when we will be done.  He is sure God will let us know though.   He is such a blessing to me.  He truly understands my heart. Most men would think their wives have lost their minds, but Dan holds me when I cry and tells me how we will make this work.  We will ask them to approve 3 children and maybe 4.  If they say no, we will pray for those children to be adopted, but if they are still available when we get back, then we will start again. We will bring our babies home.  It will just take longer than I would want it to.  He always has plan A, plan B, and plan C.  I love him for that.  He is my protector, my source of strength, and my comforter.

    Hopefully, we will hear something soon.  Please continue to pray for the process to move forward and for our children to remain safe.  I know God is in control and I try to turn it over all the time, but my heart just hurts waiting.