Adoption

Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category

Hit by a bike and other fun things that happened in China.

Date: 2012.05.02 | Category: Adoption, Family Life

We headed out from Des Moines on March 7th, 2012. Dan and I were excited to finally be heading to China. We had waited a year to get to hold our little ones and it seemed so much harder to wait the closer we got. We would be arriving in Beijing on the 8th. I couldn’t believe we were actually going to do it. We were traveling internationally for the first time. I was so happy to be on this journey with my best friend. I love that our hearts were in exactly the same place with all of this. Our lives were about to change in a really big way.

When we got to China we had a couple of days to acclimate and do some sightseeing. Acclimating really wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. Being out in the daylight and having plans made it a little easier or maybe it was I was just too excited to sleep.

Beijing was just SO big. They have 20 million people and 10 million more people come in to town to work. I think Iowa has 3 million people all together and our 5 big skyscrapers in our downtown are really quite tame compared to the miles and miles of skyscrapers in Beijing and every other town we visited. I’m a small town girl that’s for sure. It was just overwhelming – the noise, the pollution, the traffic, the massive amounts of people.

One of my favorite things that we did on our tour was a ride in the rickshaw. There was a street lined with rickshaws and people waiting to peddle you around. Hundreds of rickshaws. We went down streets that were barely wide enough to have a car go down them. We got to see how people used to live in the villages. The government is building many more modern buildings and the young are moving to those buildings, but there are still blocks of small one story buildings where people live with no indoor plumbing. They use public bathrooms and cook in a community kitchen. The elderly like it because it is all they have ever known and it’s like one big family.

We got to visit one of those homes where a 77 year old woman lived. We sat in her room, which was 20×20 maybe, and she told us her life story – as translated by our guide. She had raised 3 children in this home with no indoor plumbing. She had chosen to marry for love and married beneath her status. She turned down 7 suitors and gave up a much more well-off life for a life of happiness and love. While looking around her room, I noticed many crosses and other Christian items. It turns out she was Catholic. In a country where 30 years ago it was illegal to own a Bible, I was in a room with a woman of faith. It was amazing. We later learned that China is behind only the United States for the number of Christians the country has. They estimate as high as 100 million people in China are Christian. That is amazing!

Our next great adventure was the Great Wall and the Forbidden City. The Great Wall was amazing and so hard to climb. It is one thing to climb a gazillion stairs. It is another thing completely to climb uneven stairs at different heights while others are running around you. There were tons of people going up to the first tower, then less and less people the higher you climbed. I climbed to tower number 4. I was fine until I turned around to go back down. My fear of heights kicked in. I looked at the stairs a lot. It was probably a good thing because it was so uneven. I was so fearful of tripping and taking out about 50 people on the way back down. Not good! Dan bought a lock so we could put our lock on the railing of the Great Wall and throw away the key. It is supposed to symbolize a marriage that can’t be broken. I do love that man!

The Forbidden City was unbelievably BIG! Our guide told us how one family lived here. I can’t imagine being a peasant during that time and seeing the opulence or having your daughter chosen as a concubine and spending her life there for only the emperor. Have I mentioned that I thoroughly enjoy being born in this country and at this time in history? Though seeing the Forbidden City was an amazing site and one that was truly hard to comprehend. It is just mind-blowing to think of the manpower needed to lay those bricks and build the walls – 600 years ago. Putting your hands on history is amazing.

We visited a silk factory. We watched them stretch out a cocoon (the size of a salt pellet) over a metal frame. Then they take it and stretch it out across a bed to be put into a bedspread. I actually got to help pull the corner out on one. We also visited a Jade factory where Dan and I bought a “Jade Family Ball”. I loved what it stood for (it means family that can not be torn apart) and we decided to buy one of the smaller ones to remember our wonderful trip.    There is a you-tube video if you are interested in seeing them make one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnpEfGVdJs0 We went to an acrobatic show. We also saw the “bird’s nest” at the Olympic Park.

Have I mentioned that many, many people bike? There are regular bikes and motorized bikes and bikes that carry everything on big carts behind them and bikes with big baskets. I stepped out from around a bus only to be hit by one of those basket carrying bikes. Dan jokes that I almost ended up in that basket. The Chinese gentlemen was not amused by the clumsy American woman who appeared out of no where.

Everywhere you go there are signs for public toilets. It’s an interesting site. Almost as interesting as the “split” pants the babies wear. Everywhere you go you see little ones in big bulky snow suits with the crotch open and little bare butts. The children walk over and just pee in the gutter or on a tree or on someone’s tire. The snowsuits are crazy. When we got Maisey I couldn’t tell how big she was because she had on two pairs of snowpants, a snowsuit and 2 coats. It was 50 degrees outside. We went to get some papers signed one day and I put her in a coat, long pants and her boots. It was 70 degrees outside and I got lectured by the elderly ladies about not bundling her up enough. They believe it’s good for babies to sweat and apparently it is good to have a cold, little tushy too.

Shopping was crazy. When we got to Zhengzhou, we were informed that there was a Wal-Mart. Everyone was so excited. Ha! It wasn’t like any other Wal-Mart I have ever seen. We went up an escalator and were greeted by hanging gutted pigs, chickens hanging by their necks, and eels. It was crazy. It was much like a fresh food market. While we were shopping we ended up in the formula aisle, where every other parent in our group was trying to figure out what kind of formula to buy. Nothing was in English and we were all clueless. I bet whoever was manning the video surveillance that night was getting a good laugh. We looked ridiculous. Dan and I tried to buy bananas and they took them from us all while shaking their heads sadly. We finally figured out it was because we were the not-so-very-smart Americans and we didn’t put our bananas in a bag. It happened to another family and the clerk brought them a plastic bag. We, however, just got our bananas taken away. The Chinese buy very little at a time. You couldn’t tell which line was express because no one bought more than they could carry home or take with them on their bikes. Dan and I commented many times about how many people live there but no one is really over weight. Many people walk or bike. The old buildings don’t have elevators. They eat salad even at breakfast. There is juice, fruit, and vegetables every where. One of the families, that were very adventurous, walked around and ate from street vendors. There was scorpions on a stick, tarantulas on a stick, eel on a stick. I asked his daughter what she tried and she said strawberries on a stick. I think I might have been able to handle that one.

The best part about making it to Zhengzhou? We got to finally get our little ones. Gotcha Day was a big day for everyone! We all waited at the Registration Office for them to show up. They were coming from many different orphanages, some as far as 4 hours away, so we all just stood there in the room and cried as we watched families be united for the first time. Maisey came first and I just picked her up and held her. Then we waited and waited for Ben. Dan went to the door and grabbed his little boy. Our family was whole.

The worst part about China for me? There were cars everywhere. People pull in and out. They drive 5 across on a 3 lane road. They play chicken with each other. You can be driving down the interstate with 3 lanes and all of a sudden 2 are just closed or better yet you come up over a hill and there is one of those motorized bikes carrying a hug bale of hay going right down the middle of the highway at about 15 mph. People swerve in and out – no one wears seatbelts – no one has a infant/child safety seats. You just hold on for dear life and PRAY…a lot! People don’t pay attention to stop signs. Our bus driver did a U-turn in the middle of downtown. It was impressive. When we headed to Hong Kong I texted Zach because our driver was doing over 145 kmh & I couldn’t get Google to do the conversion for me. I like being safe. I’m happy not going over 75 here. China was a little hard on my nerves. Amazingly though we saw very few accidents. I don’t believe anyone is doing distracted driving in China.

The best part about China other than getting our little ones? We met 12 other wonderful families. People that are now dear to my heart for many reasons. I didn’t get to hang out with them as often as I hoped. Dan got food poisoning and was leary of eating anywhere. I enjoyed Papa John’s on numerous occasions. How funny is that? I’m in China and eating Papa Johns. Many people brought their children and it was sweet to see them interact with their new siblings. I was surprised at how attached the babies were to their new parents and how quickly it happened. The day we got Maisey and Benjamin they just held on for dear life. I have to believe that Dan’s prayers about letting them dream about us worked. They wouldn’t let us put them down. Benjamin was so happy in the hotel room. He would play and run and laugh like crazy. They ate and ate and ate. They fell asleep holding food. Ben’s security blanket for the first couple of weeks was a spoon and a bowl. They were deathly afraid of water.   All in all I was just amazed at how smoothly everything went. I was prepared for the worst. I truly expected fighting and screaming and fear. The only fear Ben ever showed was whenever we left the hotel. He looked so afraid that we were going to take him back. When we got on the plane and headed home. We kept telling him family and pointed to the picture that he wore every day while we were there. I think he finally got it then or at least he had a glimpse of what his life was going to be like.

There were many firsts while we were in China. First time I’ve ever had a gas mask in the closet of my hotel room. First time to see split pants. First time I was told to “Be Prudent”.   I was surprised about the things I truly missed. I missed just getting a drink out of the faucett. Being able to text whenever I wanted to. Facebook. Knowing what the food was in the buffet. Mainly, I missed holding my kids and being able to tuck them in at night. It was worth it to go get our two newest ones and I really enjoyed having a few days alone with them to bond, BUT I missed my babies at home horribly.

Before we left China, we visited Ben’s orphanage. The didn’t recommend we go to Maisey’s. It’s probably a good thing. I’m not sure why exactly, but we weren’t even sure we wanted to go see Ben’s. I was so upset at how skinny they both were. Many of the children came and they had the usual baby rolls. Our kids just looked so little. Ben(3 1/2) was 22 pounds and Maisey (2) was 16.5 pounds. I couldn’t see how they could have been properly taken care of. For that reason, I was glad I went to Ben’s orphanage. It was a clean, state-of-the-art building. There were many handicapped children and they were understaffed, but the place was clean and they were trying as hard as they could. I’ve read that in some orphanages the ratio is 25 or 30 to 1 nanny.   There are just too many children and not enough help. Ben wanted nothing to do with any of the people in the orphanage. He just held on to Dan and buried his little face in Dan’s neck. I’m glad we went. I know they cared. It just isn’t the place for a child to grow up.

Now we’ve been home for over a month. So much has changed. Ben isn’t fearful. He loves his bath. He shares his food. He will actually turn down food now. Ben says well over 100 English words. He is so soft spoken and so sweet. He holds his hand to his ear (like a phone)and asks to talk to Mema or Nana. He loves to read and build things, especially with Zachary. He runs and plays and is all boy. Maisey has her BAHA and is hearing and talking and signing like crazy. She turned two and had a great birthday. Maisey is sweetness and love and giggles. They have become part of our family so seamlessly. I am so lucky to get to mother these two. All the fears I had have not come to be.   People warn you of all sorts of things. I haven’t seen any of them.   Life is good. I would do it again in a heart beat. What an amazing journey this has been.
Prayer request

Date: 2012.04.29 | Category: Adoption

I’ve been thinking about and praying for all the people out there who are trying to decide about adoption. There are many kids just waiting for a forever family. I’ve been thinking about sharing this prayer, asking you to pray too, and thought it was just too vague. But one of my devotionals this morning included this verse: You cannot keep yourself from talking about what you care about most. Jesus said, “A man’s heart determines his speech” (Matthew 12:34 LB). Please pray for all those families trying to decide on a specific child and all those families trying to decide if it is the right thing for them. Pray for all those children out there (estimates range from 100 to 150 million children) just hoping & waiting for a forever family. Adoption is a wonderful thing. If God has placed this on your heart, please don’t dismiss it. Trust in His plan and proceed.
Adoption

Date: 2012.04.15 | Category: Adoption

Dan and I just read “House of Hope” about the foster home that Maisey was in while in China. The book actually mentions her because she was their 1000th baby treated. Maisey was taken out of her orphanage by this group because the orphanage couldn’t get her to eat and she was in the group of children who weren’t thriving. Mrs. Hill who runs the Hope House Foundation took Maisey in. Many of the children they take in die or are too sick to ever get on an adoption list but Maisey, with their help, put on weight and got well enough to put on the adoption list.

Plus, on top of that children with lethal/terminal conditions are not supposed to ever get placed on adoption lists, yet Benjamin did. It brings me to tears to think of him alone in an orphanage. I thank God daily that somehow He got Benjamin on that list. I can’t imagine Benji dying alone. Both of these children are beyond sweet. They are kind and loving and so adorable. They laugh all the time and just enjoy life. I am so blessed to get to be their mama and feeling even more blessed after all that I have learned in the last few days. God is good and He watched out for my little ones. I know everyone keeps saying Benjamin & Maisey won the lottery, but truly it was me who won.

Everyone says “By the grace of God. I understand that and I get that, but what about all the kids that are left in the orphanages. Does God not care about those children? What if your child is sick? What if you are the parent whose child isn’t saved? Did you just not pray hard enough. Does God just not care enough? How can you put together the thought of a loving God, an all knowing God and an imperfect world? I have 2 beautiful orphans who were saved. There are 10,000 orphans leaving China every year. But what about the other 800 orphanages in China alone? Does God not see those orphans? Does God not care? What about the child who is imperfect and no one sees their worth? People talk about the chosen, the called, where does that leave the rest of us? My head is just spinning with these questions and what I can do about it. Just so anyone reading this understands. I am not questioning God’s sovereignty. I understand His ways are not my ways. I accept that His plan is perfect and I trust it with all my heart. I know that man is evil and self-centered and that we have free will. I just wish it wasn’t so.

I love what the Hills have done. If you haven’t read any of it yet, look up www.hopefosterhome.com. It is absolutely amazing. The book “The House of Hope” was wonderful. Mr. and Mrs. Hill talk about trusting God. They say you just have to get in the river and trust that God will lead you were you need to go. AMAZING! They also talk about the starfish story. Many have probably heard this one. A gentleman is standing on the beach throwing starfish back in, one at a time. Another gentlemen stands there looking at the beach covered in starfish and asks the other gentlemen why he is even trying because there is no way he can save them all. The first gentlemen says, “I know, but it matters to this one” as he throws another starfish back into the water. One orphan at a time. I keep saying it over and over again in my head.

‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:40

I’ve heard it said that there is an orphan for every 10th Christian in the world. Why are we not opening our homes and our hearts? That last statistic I read says there are 125,000 children waiting to be adopted in the U.S. and there are 300,000 churches. That’s not even 1 child per church. I don’t know what to do with all these thoughts that I am having. I know adoption isn’t for everyone, but there are so many other things we can do. Now there are organizations that allow you to sponsor an orphan for only $30 a month. Donate to someone who is trying to adopt. There are so many ways to help.

My heart just breaks for these orphans here in the U.S. and around the world. I have 3 children, who were abandoned, and they are the sweetest kids you could ever find. I know not everyone can adopt, but if the thought has crossed your mind – don’t be fearful. God provides. God will find a way. If the thought is placed on your heart, give it careful consideration. Don’t automatically think “it’s too expensive” or “I just couldn’t do that”. You’d be amazed at what you can do with God on your side.
So it’s official, I’m a lucky, lucky mama…

Date: 2012.03.26 | Category: Adoption, Benjamin, Maisey

I get to wake up to these two sweet faces every day. I’m amazed that all the things I worried about never came to be. Yes, I said I learned my lesson, but obviously I had not. As a mama who loves her children and their cuddles, it was hard to think that Benji and Maisey may need time to warm up to me. But that worry never came to be, the kids both came to us that first day and have been attached ever since. Benjamin said “Dada” just two days in and while we were still in China he told me, “Wo ai ni Mama!” My heart just melted. Last night he looked at me at said “My mama” over and over again. He giggled and giggled. I love that. I love that they adore all their siblings already. How is that even possible? It’s like they have always been a part of this family. I was truly amazed at how all the children in our group were so attached to their parents and how quickly it happened. They obviously wanted to be loved, but it was so much more. Maybe God does what Dan had prayed for and He gives them a glimpse of who their parents will be. Dan prayed over and over again for Benjamin and Maisey to dream about us.

Benjamin and Maisey have played really well together. They both patiently wait for me to feed them. Benjamin shares his toys with her and there hasn’t been any hitting. I look at how bright Benjamin is and I wonder how they couldn’t see it. There was nothing said about that in any of the papers we received. He has said 50 or more English words already. He points to things and says “What is it?” and repeats whatever we say. The best news about Maisey is we truly think she can hear a little bit. Dan put the headphones on her right behind her ear and turned it up. She danced around and when he turned off the music she got upset. It was a repeatable thing. What a blessing that would be to be able to give her hearing. Benjamin is pretty sick. Our cardiologist wanted to do the heart catherization right away, but Dan and he agreed that Benjamin probably isn’t healthy enough to just do it. We have an echo, chest x-ray, and EKG on Wednesday. The cardiologist agreed to work him in on Wednesday when we are over in Iowa City getting Grace’s chemo done. It is nice having connections, but I think it should work that way for all parents.

I can not believe how blessed I am to be able to be a mother to these two sweet little kids. They have wonderful spirits and they laugh all the time. They melt my heart over and over again. What a gift God has blessed me with. I don’t deserve it, but I’m grateful beyond measure!
One of the moving stories I heard on my trip…

Date: 2012.03.23 | Category: Adoption

We met lots of wonderful people, heard amazing stories, saw incredible things while we were in China. I have so much I want to write about, but my lack of sleep is catching up with me. I did, however, have to make a small post about a family we met while we were there. They weren’t with us for most of the trip, but met up with us when we reached Guangzhou for the visa paperwork, physicals, etc. They have 4 biological children and have adopted from China 6 times – their last adoption being just 6 months ago. They met this 14 year old girl when they were there last August picking up their 9th child. Blythe acted as a surrogate big sister to many in the orphanage. The story is wonderful and I wouldn’t do it as much justice as it deserves so I’m attaching the link to their blog about their adoptions. They have a wonderful family full of love. I was like a little girl who just met someone new on the playground that I really liked. I was just so excited! Tamera, the mother, has a large family, a big heart for God, homeschools and some of their children have special needs. It was so much fun to talk to her. The website is worth it just to see her cute little kids, but if you have time, read Blythe’s story. It’s worth the time. God is good! http://myadoptionwebsite.com/blythe/about.htm
Moved Beyond Measure

Date: 2012.03.20 | Category: Adoption

This has been the most enlightening trip. It has changed me in so many ways. I’ve been through a few things in my life. I’ve had empty cupboards, had to accept charity to pay medical bills, had to bury a child, watched my children fight for their lives, but through it all I’ve had family. I’ve been so blessed, truly, truly blessed even in the worst of times. I have children whom I adore and a husband who is my best friend – who is able to make me laugh in the worst of situations. We make a good living now which allows us to help support our mothers and others. But this trip has shown me true poverty and true need and helplessness in these orphanages. I used to wonder what can I do to make a difference. I can only do this little thing. Why even try? But if you make a difference in one life it’s a huge thing to that person. Pick something that moves you. Listen to God’s prodding. I think Satan likes that we feel overwhelmed & unable to make a difference. It keeps us from trying.

Maisey has been told by at least 4 people that she is a lucky, lucky girl. I understand what they are saying, her life held little future for her here. In America she might get her hearing. She can fix her jaw – if she wants. I feel blessed to be her mother. First, because she has a beautiful, wonderful spirit about her. She is so animated and so funny. Second, because I can give her opportunities that she otherwise wouldn’t have. God lead me to that. He placed this wonderful opportunity on my heart, at this point in my life. I’m completely & utterly blown away.

And the same with Benjamin, we can change his health. We can give him a chance at years of life. But the most surprising thing for me is that I have been so moved by his trust and ability to love. We pout about the most trivial of things. We whine about the stupidest things. I have been able to stop and truly live in the moment here. To watch him blossom right before my eyes. To hear him giggle, run to me with arms outstretched, to say I love you and last night he ran up to me and kissed me. How often do we appreciate the kiss of our children? Truly appreciate their love and the blessing that they are? Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my children. I get how easily they can be taken. I don’t let things get me down on most days. I try to live in the moment. I understand that learning your times tables isn’t as important as building your foundation & learning to rely on God. We push and prod and expect certain things based on the world’s standards. I’m letting go of even more of that. Maisey & Benjamin are so far behind where they need to be. Will they ever catch up? Does it even matter? (Toby Mac is playing in my head right now “I don’t want to gain the whole world & lose my soul”!)

So my tidbit of advice today is simply this. Life is short. Pick some place to make a difference. Pick something you can see. I like things like Smile Train for just that reason. For $250 you can change the life of a child, open a world of opportunities to him or her. There are hundreds of these opportunities out there. We all think we can’t afford to, especially in these times. But I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I don’t need. How often I buy stuff only to donate it to Goodwill (not that that isn’t important too). How often I impulsively spent money – at all the different points in my life. We rush through life trying to accomplish things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Will God be saying “Well, done good & faithful servant. Your house was always spotless?” (This has always been a testing point for me. I like organized and most days my life is organized chaos.) But in my hectic, I don’t spend as much time as I probably should in the quiet. So I ask you to spend time in quiet moments. Listen to His prodding, whose life is He going to allow you to change? Start small and just smile at others, open a door, prepare a meal for someone, let someone go first in line – even Christ helped people one person at a time. What will your calling be? Where will He lead you? I shall be praying for you. Spread a little joy today – it’ll change your life too!
I hope they don’t remember.

Date: 2012.03.19 | Category: Adoption

One of the most heart wrenching things that has happened on our trip was a rather small event in the grand scheme of things. Dan woke up to Maisey crying in her sleep. She sat up in bed, the nightlight was shining & she had her back to him. Her little shoulders were just shaking as she sobbed. Here’s this little, frail girl crying on a corner of the bed. It just breaks my heart that her thoughts bring her to tears in her sleep. This was not an I’m hungry cry or even an I’m frightened cry exactly. It was more of a broken hearted cry. I hope that they don’t remember any of the painful moments that we couldn’t protect them from.
Normal(ish) Days

Date: 2012.03.19 | Category: Adoption

Well, we’ve settled into some semblance of normal. We wake up, go to the most amazing buffet here at the China Hotel (Marriott), accomplish whatever paper work needs to take place, then it’s nap time, play time, supper & more playtime then to bed. It’s been wonderful to just get to know the kids better. We haven’t been doing tours or anything because the kids just get worn out & cranky. Things have been going so much better than I anticipated. They get along well. Play well together. Share their things – even food. Benjamin has been wearing the kid’s picture around his neck. He wakes up & asks for it first thing every morning. He loves to FaceTime with the kids. Maisey is a ham. She is really coming out of her shell even with others now. She waves & smiles. Benjamin learned how to feed himself already. I can’t believe they were still feeding him & that no one had tried to potty train him. Our cultures are so different. He’s a bright boy. He’ll catch on fast. I have been saying thank you to him in Chinese. They told me to say “shaya shaya” (xie xie). Yesterday he corrected me until I said it fast enough & the correct way. I think I’ve got it now. 🙂
I am still blown away by their willingness to trust & love. They’ve had a very tough life. Benjamin’s security blanket is a spoon & a cup. He falls asleep with them. He had been carrying crust from his pizza around for about an hour. I wasn’t even thinking & took it out of his hands to wash them. It put him in a crying jag that lasted 10 minutes. They just have this fear of people taking their food. It breaks my heart. I take too many things for granted. Ice, running water that I can drink, clean clothes, food that is plentiful, food that doesn’t cause food poisoning (we’ve had 8 people get it so far), good medical care – just to name a few. I’m so blessed to be born in this time & in this place.
Pictures

Date: 2012.03.18 | Category: Adoption, Benjamin, Maisey

Kids playing in the hotel.

A bit of light reading.

Look who loves his hat!

Maisey does too.

Cuddle buddies.

Look at those handsome boys.

Mei Mei’s favorite spot: Mommy’s lap.
Update:

Date: 2012.03.18 | Category: Adoption

Mommy update:
It’s so hard to be half way around the world from your family. I miss them all like crazy. We are getting closer to being done. Yesterday we got their passports so we left for Guangzhou. Today we got their physicals done. Maisey weighed 17 pounds fully dressed. Benjamin is almost 23 pounds. They both look like they’ve put on a little weight. They should, they are like little birds, mouths open, waiting to be fed all the time. It is so sweet with them sitting there patiently waiting for you to feed them but heartbreaking at the same time. Neither of them has been taught how to feed themselves. Oh by the way…..The best thing happened to me today. I was boiling water (because you can’t drink any without boiling it first) for Maisey’s bottle & Benjamin ran up behind me and yelled mama. He then said wo ai ni mama. He giggled and giggled. My little boy told me he loved me. I tell him all the time & he said it back.
Yep, I’m a goner. 🙂