Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category
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Family Mission Statement
mis-sion state-ment (noun) A formal summary of the aims and values of a company, organization, or individual.
A written declaration of a company’s or individual’s core purpose and focus that normally remains unchanged over time. Properly crafted mission statements:
- Serve to separate what is important and what is not,
- Clearly state what you believe, and
- Communicate a sense of intended direction.
We have been working on our family’s mission statement for a while now. We wanted something that shows our children what we believe in, what we are striving for, and what our family considers important. It’s pretty easy, or at least it should be, for children who grow up in your house from birth to know what your family considers important.
Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 11:19
It’s a little harder when the children come to you much later in their lives. The language issues can make it difficult for quite a while. It takes years for them to have deep conversations about what matters. It takes a long time for them to understand what is important to your family.
We wanted our children to be able to say that they were an “Ellsbury” and this is what their family stands for. Because so many children have special needs and medical issues, we wanted them to be able to say they were strong and brave in times of trouble. We wanted them to understand that we strive to help other children and families. We want them to be generous of their time, their gifts, and the money God gives them. We want them to be trustworthy and kind. We want them to have a great foundation of faith to build their lives on. We want them to trust God and His plan. We want them to know that even though we can not help every child, we can help children one at a time.
I have a thing for quotes and Bible verses. Anyone who knows me well can attest to this fact. I especially like them out where I can see them. Being an imperfect human being, I like daily reminders of how I am supposed to live my life.
Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:9
I wanted our statement to be something that we would see every day.
I thought about having it done in vinyl…
Or printed out on a peel and stick sheet…
Or done in metal…
Or put on a canvas like these that I purchased from Glory Haus…
I thought about having it framed.
But I just couldn’t make up my mind.
Then one day on Facebook another mama posted her family’s statement on this really cool board. I asked her where she purchased it and she said Mary and Martha. You can order this board that comes with four song verses on chalkboard tiles that you interchange ($120) BUT you can also personalize your own chalkboard tiles for $18 for the set of 7 boards.
I absolutely LOVE the way it turned out.
Now it is front and center in our living room.
If you haven’t already put what your personal or family’s mission statement is on paper, I highly recommend it. Otherwise we waste years of our lives striving for things that aren’t really important to us or aren’t what we want our lives to stand for.
“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” –
Francis Chan -
Grace’s Story
GRACE /ɡrās/noun
(in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
12 years ago the sweetest little girl was born. Grace’s birth was emergent and everyone who congratulated us, after they heard the story of her birth, said, “By the grace of God”. Dan had already been calling her Grace so her name seemed very appropriate. Grace, after the grace of God, and Elizabeth Lynne as a middle name because both Cassie and Hope wanted Grace to share their middle names.
I had been thinking that I would love to be pregnant again. My heart was filled with thoughts about another child. Maybe this time I would have an easy pregnancy. Maybe this time everything would go okay. I heard God saying “trust me” over and over again. I kept thinking I might just be crazy but I prayed and prayed that if God wanted me to proceed with this then He would talk to Dan’s heart. I refused to say anything about it. One day, out of the blue, Dan came to me and said, “If we ever want to have another baby, we best be doing it. We aren’t getting any younger.”
God answered my prayers.
God’s grace!
It didn’t make any sense for me to have a tubal reversal. We had already adopted. We loved adoption but we heard God saying “trust me” so we did. It had been 11 years since I had been pregnant. 11 years since my tubes had been tied. I was 40 years old.
We were told that the odds were slim to none and yet I got pregnant the very first month.
God’s grace!
Because of my age we were required to go to weekly ultrasounds after a certain point in my pregnancy. While our wood floors were finished being stained, Dan and I had just spent the weekend in a hotel. Grandma had the other kids. We were relaxed and enjoying life.
I walked into that routine appointment as happy as can be. I was feeling no pain, no twinges, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I left that appointment being rushed to the hospital for an emergency c-section. Had we not had that appointment, I would have never known that there was something going on, and Grace wouldn’t have survived.
God’s AMAZING grace!
Tons of blood was found. It seemed a vessel had ruptured. As they prepared me for the c-section, I tried my hardest to trust His plan, but it made no sense. We had heard God loud and clear. Why would He take her now?
After the c-section, our doctor, who knew we wanted to try to have more children, asked me if I wanted to try again. I said, “No. I’ve had enough. We’ve had complications with too many pregnancies.” He replied, “Good thing. I have no idea how you got pregnant in the first place. One side is completely scarred and the other doesn’t even look like it’s hooked up.”
God’s grace!
Dan took Grace to the nursery. Grace needed oxygen, but she was stable. The high risk o.b. came to check on Grace. He informed Dan that “That was the most blood I have ever seen in a delivery and have the baby survive.”
God’s grace!
Grace did remarkably well and avoided the NICU. Grace’s very own neonatologist (daddy) stood by her side and watched her very, very closely.
Grace came home and was doing very well. Grace hit every milestone on time. Grace was sweet and adorable and such a joy. We felt so very blessed. Grace’s older siblings adored her.
Then when Grace was six, she was sick on and off for months. There was nothing that seemed too serious – a cold, a sore throat, a temperature. Grace would get better and then it would be back. Grace was tired and couldn’t seem to kick it. We were thinking strep throat or mono that day when we took Grace to our pediatricians.
I knew by the look on the doctor’s face that it wasn’t good. They said, “We think Grace has leukemia. Appointments have been scheduled this afternoon with oncology.“ I sat there unemotional. We’ve been through bad medical problems before. I refused to fall apart in front of Grace before we knew for sure. We would take this one step at a time. I drove home to pick up Dan. We were prepared to confront one of our worst nightmares.
We showed up at the oncologists and they scheduled a bone marrow biopsy for Grace right away. There were trying to get everything done before Thanksgiving so we didn’t have to wait too long for the results.
They ruled out leukemia, but no one knew for sure what Grace had. There was more blood drawn. We were sent home with our little girl, relieved that it wasn’t leukemia, but worried because we still had no answers.
Then the rash appeared.
Dan had just left for a trip. His plane landed and I called him and sent him the picture text. He said, “It’s lupus.” I’ll be right home.
Dan came home. He pressed for more testing. He argued about waiting until after the first of the year for an appointment at our children’s hospital. He asked for them to do a urine test. He fought all weekend to get this testing done. They finally allowed it and we received the call. “Be at the Children’s Hospital bright and early tomorrow morning. There are issues with Grace’s kidneys.”
We arrived at the hospital and a kidney biopsy was scheduled right away. Grade 4/5 glomerulonephritis was found. Had we waited until after January for Grace’s appointment – Grace would have lost her kidneys. Thank God for daddy’s who have the knowledge to keep pushing.
God’s grace.
Grace handled it all with such grace. Grace was strong. Grace trusted God’s plan. When hair loss was mentioned, Grace donated her hair. When she was feeling sad, Grace raised money for Love Without Boundaries. Grace raised awareness for NEGU. Grace prayed. Grace told me to trust God.
Here’s a quote from Grace (7) in a previous blog post.
Last night as I was tucking Grace in she told me that she didn’t like having to wait until the sun went down to swim, that she was really kind of tired of medicine and she wasn’t happy that she would need another pulse of steroids on Wednesday with her chemo. Grace told me that she didn’t think lupus was very nice. Grace said she understood that God is perfect and His plan is perfect so He must have some reason for all this so she would try her best to be happy. Grace then said, “Sometimes happy takes work but it’s worth it.”
Grace is an old, old soul in a six year old’s body.
We had to decide what to do. We were set to travel with our adoptions sometime in the spring, most likely March. Grace needed chemotherapy. Grace needed blood tests and was taking a ton of meds. Could we proceed? Should we proceed? Would Grace be okay if we left?
“Of course we should!” Grace said. “Why would we question God’s plan now mama? We can’t leave my brother and sister in China.”
So we scheduled our travel around her treatments. We traveled and we returned to a very happy girl. Our adoption worked out perfectly and we arrived home the night before Grace’s 7th birthday.
God’s perfect timing!
God’s grace!
Throughout these adoptions Grace has been one of our biggest cheerleaders. Grace readily gave up her place as baby of the home. Not one, not two, but nine children are younger than her.
Grace shares her room. Grace is my extra set of hands. Grace is so much like me. Grace LOVES adoption!!! Grace has a heart that is SO big! Grace is the legs for her three sisters in wheelchairs.
When we worried about adopting JJ, it was Grace who reminded us over and over again that kidney issues are scary but doable. When we were adopting Elyse, it was Grace who couldn’t wait to share her room and her clothes.
God knew what He was doing when He placed Grace on my heart all those years ago. God was so very wise. It made NO sense and now I can’t imagine doing this without her.
And yet, when I wrote my recent article for No Hands But Ours, I forgot to mention my sweet girl by name. We mentioned how many children we had, but I didn’t mention Grace by name. I try so hard not to do that. I’ve made that mistake before with Zach and Cassie. It hurts their feelings, even though they understand so I try hard not to. Our bio kids are amazing. They have made this adoption journey possible. They aren’t a footnote in our adoption journey. They are the title page and I hate when because I’m writing about adoption or special needs that they don’t get the credit they deserve.
Grace is an important part of all of our adoptions. Grace has had such faith throughout it all. Grace has trusted God with an amazing faith that most adults don’t have.
I asked Grace what I could do to make it up to her and Grace laughed and said, “You can say my name 77 times in my birthday post.”
And so I have. I LOVE Grace! Grace is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!
My life has been forever changed by a little girl named Grace. Every day I look into her face and I think about every miracle that brought her to my life. Grace Elizabeth Lynne you are an amazing girl and mama is so proud to call you my little girl. Praying God’s blessings continue to surround your life and lead you on the rest of your amazing journey.
Happy birthday Grace!
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“I Get To” Changes Everything
I get asked all the time about how I do it. It’s pretty simple. I get up every day and I just keep moving forward. My days are VERY busy. Unbelievably busy. Things don’t get done around the house sometimes. My house will never be in perfect order. I wish, but it isn’t going to happen. This is hard for me to admit because I like organized and having everything in its place. But we also have a Lainey whose favorite activity is to throw anything she finds on the floor and I do mean everything. She likes to grab cups and run through the house spilling everything every where. We have 8 littles between 5 and 8 who like to leave things around and since we home school there are lots of hours of the day to move things to and fro.
I have done a lot in the past year to simplify. I have removed so much stuff in our house. I have gotten rid of almost all my knickknacks. I don’t have time to dust. I don’t want to worry about who is going to break what next. What have I learned from this simplification? We have too much stuff. Way too much stuff! I have removed bags and bags and bags from this house and there is still more to take out.
It makes me sad to think of the money I have spent on things that just don’t matter. We don’t bring toys into the house unless it’s someone’s birthday. We regularly go through items to see what they are and aren’t playing with. If it’s not being worn it’s gone. We still have way too much stuff. It’s hard not to when you have this many people in the house but we are working harder at only bringing things into the house that will make our lives better.
There are things that are non-negotiable during my days. Morning hugs and kisses. Codey and Lainey’s feedings. We have five kiddos that are in diapers and four will be for life. Catherizations. Medications are a must and are given twice a day to 11 of the 13 kids that are at home. Meals and prayers around the table. Quiet time with Dan. More hugs and kisses before bed.
House cleaning, school work, and appointments make up the rest of my day. Every day looks a little different. Kids who come from trauma have days where they need you to drop everything and we do that. This past year has been extremely difficult for Jasmine. It would be hard to put into words how hard it is when someone is on meltdown mode all day. It’s emotionally draining for everyone in the family and you have to take the time to repair the damage that is done.
When I say I am going to bed, this is what needs to be done before placing my head on my pillow. Take the littles downstairs to get ready for bed (Grace often helps with this.), change Codey, take Jasmine to the bathroom (this takes two people) and put her to bed, feed Lainey and give her her last meds, cath JJ and give her her meds, story time and give everyone hugs and kisses.
Sometimes it is overwhelming. Sometimes I just want to go to bed without all the other stuff. Sometimes I just want to take care of me and not do everything else. Sometimes I am just plain tired. But when I have those pity-party moments where I start to think “I have to do this, this, and this”, I stop myself and change it to “I get to”. Perspective changes everything.
I GET TO…
…wake up in the morning to the sweetest, sleepy smiles.
…hear mom, mommy, mama hundreds of time throughout the day from little kids who went years without this privilege that we all take for granted.
…get hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs. (The best part of every day.)
…hear “I love you” over and over again.
…help little hearts heal.
…wipe away tears.
…have a ring side seat to God’s big and little miracles.
…sit by hospital bedsides while children heal.
…serve with a willing heart.
…watch little souls blossom before my eyes.
…watch little minds learn and grow.
…hit my knees repeatedly.
…give up control.
…turn it all over to the one who knows best.
…prepare meals that little ones love.
…wash, fold, and put away clean clothes to wear.
…have access to the best medical care around.
I GET to do it all of these things every single day with my very best friend.
I am blessed! Beyond blessed! SERIOUSLY blessed!
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No Hands But Ours Article
I was honored to get to guest write about our family for No Hands But Ours. The NHBO articles are wonderful and uplifting. If you are starting the adoption process, are curious about special needs, or wonder what other families have gone through, this is a great place to start.
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Chinese New Year 2017
Our children look forward to celebrating Chinese New Year (CNY) each year. The first year home is always the hardest because it brings up memories, some good and some bad, that we have to wade through. As our family as grown there have been more and more children who love to celebrate so the most recently adopted get into the swing of things pretty quickly.
We leave up the 14 foot Christmas tree and decorate it for CNY. Everything is red and gold. We have special ornaments that the kids have made and some extra special ones that we bought through an adoption fundraiser.
We wait for a day when everyone can celebrate together so it isn’t often that our family celebration is on the actual day of CNY. During the week of CNY we take them to Panda Express so they can each get a kid’s meal. It’s not cost effective to do this very often so it’s a special treat.
We go at an off time because there is only one table in the whole restaurant that can seat us all.
On the day of our celebration the children wake up and put on their silks right away. I think it’s their favorite part of the day. We have a box full of colorful silks.
I think Eli is going to need a new one soon. 🙂
Maisey is always ready to do her “China” pose, as she calls it and Evie always needs a fountain to finish off her outfit.
They all look so cute in their silks. We even found one that fit Hope’s sense of style. I wish I would have bought more sizes the last time we traveled. I guess I always assumed their would be one more time.
Even Nicholas got into the action. We got out his dad’s outfit from when he was a baby. Why I purchased a Chinese outfit for my son 28 years ago I will never know. I just can’t remember. God knew long before I did I guess.
They love having family together. They are always excited when Zach and Steph come to visit.
They love to eat the special foods we prepare twice a year on CNY and Children’s Day. We make home made steamed buns, spicy chicken feet, wontons, and crab rangoons. I don’t often prepare these foods from scratch because they are time consuming. The house smells so good though when it is all cooking. Then their are the usuals that we eat often – egg drop soup, hot and sour soup, fried rice, spicy steak, teriyaki chicken, and potstickers. I don’t make potstickers from scratch because Sam’s Club carries some that the kids love. They are so easy to prepare. The come frozen in a tray with water around them. You just put them in a pan and wait as the water boils off, the bottoms get browned, and they are perfect.
This year we had our pastor and his lovely family over. They were a wonderful addition. The extra hands in the kitchen were a welcome treat. Amy rolled out all the dough for the steamed buns so the kids even got fresh ones for breakfast too. Jasmine was sick, she woke up with a 102 temp., and missed out on the day of fun. We brought her out for a picture and let her eat her spicy food in her room. Not quite the same but better than nothing.
It was still a wonderful day full of laughter, friends, and family.
We ended our day watching the Troll movie. The littles were so excited to show Nicholas this movie. They figured he would love the music and bright colors. I didn’t have the heart to break it to him that he is still a bit too little to understand a movie. Nick laughed and cooed and smiled and made them all believe that he loved it.
Our new couch is the perfect place for the whole family to cuddle up and watch a movie.
All in all a pretty good day! Happy year of the rooster everyone! Wishing you all the best in the upcoming year!
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Christmas Letter (Part 2 – Middles & Bigs)
Jessica Jean (8) – I don’t even know where to start with this girl. She came to us angry, shut down, afraid to love, and scared. She has done so well. In February she will have been home a year. She is happy, sweet, loving, caring, brave, and ready to take on the world. She is still very quiet. She practices her English until she can say it perfectly because she doesn’t like to be wrong. She talks with very little accent. She is doing so well with her school work.
I admit that while we were in China, I was so worried. Worried that we were too late. Worried that she would never bond or care to have parents. Worried that her little heart would never heal. Worried that she would never trust another adult again. But I was SO wrong. She has done unbelievably well. I love this little girl so much! I can’t believe we almost missed the blessing that is her.
Elyse (11) – Elyse continues to do well. She is so smart – very, very smart. As of 1/1/17, she has been in America two years. She takes being an American very seriously. She loves her freedom and the right to worship God. Elyse loves BIG. She is friendly and funny. She enthusiastically lives life to the fullest. She dreams big and I believe she will accomplish whatever she sets her mind too. She wants to design dresses when she grows up and send clothes to orphanages so little girls can wear pretty clothes. If Elyse had her way, she would have 20 brothers and 20 sisters. Her heart breaks for all those kids who still wait. Her biggest wish if for every child to have a family that loves them and keeps them safe.
Gracie (11) – Gracie’s lupus continues to stay in remission. We are so thankful that she has had a couple good years with very little issues. She is a huge help around the house. She is growing up so fast and I can hardly believe that she will soon be 12. Where does the time go? Gracie loves having a big family. She readily helps her sisters who are in wheelchairs and is my right hand. School doesn’t always come easy to Grace but she works so hard. She wants to grow up and adopt as many kids as she can. That’s a pretty good plan. We will see where God leads.
Jasmine (17) – Jasmine continues to learn English and progress well with school. It’s hard on a child who really didn’t get any formal education until she was 14. It makes her feel constantly behind even though she has come so far in just 3 1/2 years. The last two years have been harder then the first two for Jasmine. She had a huge set back when she realized that she would never walk. China had told her that America would fix her and no matter what we said, she believed them. She lost hope when she realized that her life would be forever in a chair. We continue to tell her that her life has purpose and she is finally believing that. She has made such a huge difference in other kid’s lives. She continues to write her own blog www.Flowerthatblooms.com where she shares her feelings about living in an orphanage and what it means to have a family of your own. I am very proud of how far she has come.
Jasmine’s Dream Update: To date these four girls – the fab four – as I call them, have helped 300 children. They work hard to save their money to donate to other adoptions and fundraisers. They have a dream to open up an Etsy shop where they sell their artwork, hats, t-shirts, etc. that they have designed to help even more children.
Hope (17) – Hope is as artistic as ever. She loves special effects makeup. She is constantly in her room coming up with some new design. She shows her work on instagram on DragonKnightMakeup. I’m not sure where this passion and talent will take her but it is fun watching her imagination at work.
We laughed because when Cassie took the pictures, Peter ended up being in all of them. Peter and Hope have been best friends forever. They started dating last year and as you can see from the picture, he is still here. hahaha He is a good kid and our family loves him. They are still obviously very young but we all love Peter and his family.
Cassie and Reece – in May they will have been married 2 years. Cassie is still teaching 2nd grade and has decided to pursue a masters degree to be a speech pathologist. Reece is attending Iowa State and has decided to become an audiologist. They continue to live in an apartment on our property so that they can be close to the kiddos and help out when needed. They both sign and are helping us all learn how to sign for Max.
Zachary, Stephanie and introducing….Nicholas
OH MY GOODNESS and the biggest news of the year!!! We have a grandson! A sweet-tempered, adorable little guy who we all adore. Zach and Steph continue to live in Wisconsin and Zach works for Raven Software on the game, Call of Duty. Stephanie is the best mama and there is nothing better than watching little Nicholas listen to his mama sing. It is the sweetest thing around.
Nicholas has the biggest fan club in the world. No matter what he does he has a cheering section of uncles and aunts that stand in awe of all that he does. This little guy is definitely loved!
Our new favorite thing is being able to Skype with them on our big t.v. We all miss them and love to be able to see them even if it is just on the t.v. Technology is amazing and makes living apart so much easier.
Codey (29) – And last but not least our oldest boy. Codey continues to live at home and is doing very well. He loves football and basketball games on his t.v. He is very close to Lainey and she loves to follow him around the house. Dan recently ran into a doctor who took care of Codey when he was an infant. It’s amazing to hear how they all believed he wouldn’t live to be a year old and here we are.
Life continues to be busy and loud and full of love and learning. Our floors continue to be sticky and never, ever perfectly clean. Things aren’t always easy and adopting comes with its share of pain. I won’t pretend everything is pretty and perfect, but it is perfectly ours. Life can be messy. Tears will be shed. Life lessons are learned. The most amazing thing happens when a child learns to trust you though. Hearts open and start to heal. Little souls start to bloom. It is an amazing thing to be a part of.
I could never adequately put into words what it means to be a mother to this crew. How can I put into words what it feels like to see their sleepy little faces in the morning, to have all those arms hug me, and tell me good morning. I look in the faces of children who have come so far. I am constantly amazed at the miracles that happened to bring them home and to help them get the treatment they needed. We are seriously blessed each and every day!
Wishing you all the best in 2017. Merry Christmas everyone!
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Christmas Letter 2016 (The Littles)
Merry Christmas everyone!
We’ve had an exciting year in the Ellsbury household.
We receive the miracle of a healed heart for Benjamin. We were told that there was no hope and now his future is full of hope! Ben turned eight and is enthralled with soldiers and police officers. He has learned how to read and loves math and school. To see our boy filled with energy and no longer blue is a beautiful gift.
Little Evie has had a wonderful year. She has grown since her last surgery and continues to do well with her health. She is a ray of sunshine from the time she wakes up until her little head hits her pillow. She is everything that is good with the world.
She was adopted 3 and 1/2 years ago with Elijah. They continue to be the best of friends. These two should have their own reality show. They are a hoot together! I mean seriously who could resist these sweet, little faces?
I continue to stand in amazement of Eli. Every day I am reminded of the miracle of modern medicine. The amazing fact that he had main branch pulmonary arteries formed out of four collaterals and graft material in a 14 hour surgery just blows my mind. I stand in awe of our awesome God and the gifts He gives. It’s hard to take anything for granted when your life is filled with such miracles.
Big miracles come in all shapes and sizes. Lainey has come so far from that sad little girl who never looked you in the eye. She yells “mama and daddy”. She hugs with such sweetness. She gives love pats all day long. She can not say many words but her love language is loud and clear. She holds hands. She hugs. She loves and all the kids love her. And the very best news is that now that her seizures are better under control she is actually sleeping for 4-5 hours at a stretch. This has been very welcome to mama. She will often sleep for four hours and go back to sleep for another four. I can certainly live with that.
Maisey has become quite the little mother. She is quiet and shy but since she has gotten her BAHA (bone conducting hearing aid) she has become more vocal. She figured out that she is funny. She hears so much better and her speech has come so far. She takes care of everyone. She loves BIG! She loves art and drawing and writing. She has decided she wishes to be a ninja librarian when she grows up. It’s a job that would suit her well.
One of the best gifts during this past year is Maisey and Evie’s friendship. Evie’s personality is BIG and Maisey is quiet so they have always gotten along but Maisey would choose to play by herself a lot. That has changed this year as they both realize how much fun having a sister is. It does my heart good to see them play.
Max also received a BAHA this year. It has been amazing to see him actually hear and start to understand what conversation is. His world opened up when he realized he could actually ask for something. He continues to learn more signs – last count was 300+. We still have a long ways to go but he has certainly made great leaps this past year. Probably his biggest step forward was understanding affection. He asks for hugs and kisses now. He sits on people’s laps. It’s one of the hardest things on this mama’s heart to realize your children don’t know what hugs and kisses mean. It’s a cultural thing as well as an institutional issue but when they finally get it….well, there’s not a whole lot that is better in the world.
Because of facial issues it’s still hard for him to smile big but his giggle is contagious. He can barely contain his laughter and it makes the rest of us laugh too. The boys play pretty well together. They have their arguments as all siblings do but they really do get along amazingly well. Their favorite thing to do is to dress up in costumes and play super heroes. They make the cutest super heroes don’t you think?
Our seventh little is William, we all refer to him as Liam. Liam had a harder transition than any of the other littles. He enjoyed his treatment in China. He had a case of Little Emperor’s syndrome. Don’t believe it’s a real thing? Just google it. Anyway, it was hard for him to share at first. He wanted to always be first and when he didn’t get his way he would cry for hours. He has come so far and has learned what family truly means. I am proud of the progress he has made in 9 short months. His whole world was turned upside down and he had to learn how things work here. We still have moments, but they are few and far between now. Sometimes adoption brings unknowns that you really couldn’t even foresee being a problem. I’m glad he feels loved and cared for and that he trusts us.
He is sweet and caring and a natural born leader. He is charming and very smart. He loves math and eagerly learns new things. He loves to help. We instituted a Leader Day for each little and he eagerly waits for his turn. Wednesdays are Liam’s favorite days now.
There is nothing little about our Littles. The love BIG! They love life! Our house is noisy and chaotic and filled with laughter. There is never a dull moment with them around. They bring so much to our lives. Dan and I constantly say, “We could have missed this!” and I’m here to tell you that we would have missed a lot. Our lives would have been so much duller, quieter maybe, but so much less. We have been blessed beyond measure to be able to call these children sons and daughters.
Not a day goes by that I don’t stop in my tracks and think about the miracles that have happened to them with both emotional and physical healing. I don’t deserve the blessings they bring but I am forever grateful that we get to be a part of their lives.
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The Kindness of Strangers
Today we had to head to the doctor’s office for some routine things. The kids asked if they got ready early if I would take them to Burger King. Since today was the first day of our winter break, I decided that would be fun. They worked together and we left early enough to get food.
I ordered the food and the cashier asked me questions about our food and our bus. We talked about a little of everything while we waited for the 7 large fries and many nuggets. We talked about everything from adoption to sauce packets. We joked about how I don’t ask for sauce packets for the nuggets because the kids share the nuggets and there are never enough packets to go around. Today there were extra sauce packets and a few more nuggets at the bottom of our sack.
Little kindnesses from a stranger that brightened our day.
The middles needed some vaccines so I checked them all in at the office. JJ’s titers came back low and she needed a booster to be able to be put on the active transplant list. Everyone has to be up-to-date before we start the transplant. The middles all told me they could handle it so I stayed in the bus with the littles. The staff at our physicians office is so kind. One of the office staff even offered to sit on the bus with the littles so I could be with the middles. I told her it was fine, and thanked her for the offer. They told me to let them know any time I needed help. They even told me I could call them when I pull in the drive and they will get the door for the girls in the wheelchairs.
More kindnesses that make life just a little bit easier for a mom of many.
We decided it was so beautiful out that we should grab a few things at Target. As I started to unload the bus, a car came up beside us. We were parked quite a ways out in the parking lot so I thought it was a little strange for someone to park next to us. Then I noticed that the woman got out of the car and was coming over to talk to me. I hate to admit that my first thought was “Now what?” I’ve had people yell at me for taking up four spots with our bus. It’s one of the reasons we park way out in the lot. We need room to put down the lift and we don’t fit in a handicap spot so there aren’t any options besides taking up four parking spots.
Anyway, this women started her conversation with “You don’t know me, but I work with your husband.” Now that is one I have heard before so I started to relax. This women went on to say that she had recently had a kidney transplant and she thought JJ might want to meet her. I thanked her for stopping and told her it would take a while to get out of the bus, but that I was sure that JJ would love it. JJ is pretty quiet but JJ was touched by this women who took the time to stop and talk to her. JJ went on and on about how good this women looked after her transplant, which was only 5 weeks ago.
This women didn’t need to take the time to stop, but she did and by doing so her kindness helped ease a little girl’s worried heart.
When we were shopping at Target, a lady went by and said something we hear quite often, “Boy do you have your hands full.” Often times comments are made at the kids and it makes them feel bad. They don’t always understand why people say what they do. I guess this is a comment we have heard a few too many times because as the woman was walking away, Elyse yelled, “Our hearts are pretty full too.” The lady stopped in her tracks and came back to apologize. She said that she wasn’t criticizing me. She said she was just commenting on our large family. She was very friendly so we talked a bit, I smiled and thanked her, and off she went.
We ran into her again in the back of the store. She commented on how polite the kids were every time they answered me with “Yes mama!” I told her that they were wonderful kids most of the time. I told her I was blessed to be their mama. She asked, Are they all on the good list?” and I said, “Of course!” We wished her a Merry Christmas and off she went again.
A little while later she found me back in the other corner of the store. She handed me a gift card, told me what a great job I was doing, and wished me a Merry Christmas. I was too stunned to say much of anything besides “thank you”. She took me completely by surprise.
She didn’t need to buy a card or come find me again, but she did, and in doing so she showed our children that not everyone is negative towards big families. They were so touched by her generosity. This will stay with them a very long time. I wish I had been quick enough to get her name so the kids could have sent her a thank you. Some where there is a stranger that brightened my day. I cried all the way home. It touched my heart that much. I hope someone who reads this blog, hears this story and knows who this woman is and will send her our heartfelt thanks.
Part of me feels guilty because I am sure there are families that need it so much more, but the other part of me is thankful that she took the time to talk to the kids and to make them feel special. She went out of her way to show them she cared. We get lots of people who stare and count. There’s always a whole lot of counting going on when we pass by with our line of kids and carts, but we don’t often get a “hello” or a simple kind word. I’m sure most people don’t know what to say. I get that. I do that too.
Today was filled with the spirit of Christmas and I can’t thank those people enough. It was a really wonderful day for the kids. Our day was filled with little kindnesses and words of encouragement. We will do our part to pay it forward. This is my reminder to all of you that your kind words and acts of kindness really do make a difference.
I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. – Charles Dickens
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A Gift for My Heart
A week or so ago I stood in line at Target waiting with a cart full of items. The girl behind me had one item. I tried numerous times to get her to go ahead of me. She refused, said she wasn’t in a hurry, and stayed in line behind me. Other lanes opened up and still she stood there.
She listened as the cashier and I talked about why I had so much stuff in my cart. The elderly cashier was a little chatty, very kind, and not in a huge hurry. She kept asking questions as she worked. I told her that we had 16 kids, 13 still at home. She told me she was one of 12. She said she loved big families. She asked if I had given birth to all our kids. I told her we had adopted 11. We continued to talk about adoption and how blessed I felt.
As I was getting ready to leave the girl behind me spoke. She told me that she too came from a family of 12. She told me that her mom adopted her out of the foster system. She asked me if I ever resented having to buy so much stuff for the kids. I told her that I have never resented having to buy cartloads of stuff and was very blessed to be able to do so. She continued to say that her mom always seemed so happy and she always wondered if her mom was happy when the kids weren’t around to watch. She was thrilled to see another adoptive mama be happy to buy for her children.
Today I told Cassie that I needed some items at Target. Cassie said, “Let’s take everyone with us.” I thought, It’s a Saturday. It’s only a couple weeks before Christmas. “Sure! Why not? That sounds like a great idea!?!?!” hahaha We shopped with our row of kids – 1 double cart holding 4 kiddos, 3 wheelchairs, and Reece and Cassie walking with the others. We ran into a couple of people we knew. We joked with others about being a parade. We picked up what we needed to finish decorating the front of our house and headed to the front of the store to check out.
Reece noticed an open lane and we headed for it. We just happened to get the same elderly lady that checked me out a week or so before. She told me how sweet the kids were and how glad she was that she got to meet them. Once again there was a lady behind us who commented on what we had in our cart. She looked at all our kids and said, “Oh my goodness, are they all yours?” I laughed and said, “Yes!” I know most people aren’t being rude. They are just surprised. The cashier however said, “And I think it’s a good thing!” I’ve never been defended by a cashier before. It was kind of cute. We checked out and all the kids wished her a Merry Christmas.
We’ve been trying hard to get the house decorated for JJ and Liam. It’s always fun to light up the house big for the kiddos who have never had a Christmas before. The lighted garland I bought didn’t fit right so I headed back to Target by myself. I just happened to end up in the same cashier’s lane. I laughed and commented on her being on lane 12 before and now she was on lane 4. She told me they move them around after breaks and she laughed about how I truly am always at Target.
This little elderly lady reminds me of my mama. She was kind and talkative and sweet. She told me again how happy she was to see the kids. She asked about the talkative one and I told her the short version of Evie’s story. I told her how blessed we were to have these children in our lives and how sad it is that mothers have to give their children away to try to get them help. She told me she could tell that we felt blessed to have these kids in our lives and then she said she was proud of me.
It should have been a completely uncomfortable comment but it wasn’t. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I can’t explain it but it was like hearing it from my mom. All of a sudden I could see my mama telling me that she was proud of me. It was a very strange.
You see a little over 3 years ago my mom was so excited to see us heading to China again. She was at our house caring for our children, while we were in China, when she perforated an ulcer and had a major heart attack. She spent months in the hospital. She would recover a little bit and visit our house once to see those kids.
She ended up passing away three years ago on Christmas Eve. Mom never got to really meet her last 8 grandchildren. She never again told me she was proud of me. I liked to hear those words from my mom. So tonight standing in a line at Target, I got a small gift from a little elderly lady who probably has no idea why she touched me so.
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P.S. My mom gave me many gifts over the years, but the biggest gift she gave me was a listening ear. She was always there to talk and encourage. She loved her grandkids and she was one of my biggest adoption supporters. I miss her, but the very last gift my mama gave me was understanding about dialysis and kidney issues. Because of this gift, we were brave enough to proceed with this little gift.
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we hoped but there are blessings and joy to be found amongst the tears.
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How We Ruined Our Older Children’s Lives
Dan and I started out like most other people. We met. We fell in love. We got married. We dreamed of our first little house with a garden and a white picket fence. Someday we would drive cars that didn’t break down weekly. We would have a couple of kids, visit our family on holidays, go to church on Sunday, and lead a happy, comfortable life.
After a couple years of marriage, we had the twins. Codey and Kyle threw us for a loop but pretty soon we were back to our old comfortable dreams. The death of a son and 14 months in the hospital surely meant that from here on out our lives would be easy. Zach and Cassie were born. They grew up. They were bright, sweet, caring kids. They excelled at school. We dreamed of the day we would buy a bigger house and take nice vacations. They would go to college. Dan and I would retire and travel. We were living the American dream.
Then one day a little girl was born in the NICU where Dan was doing his fellowship. The pre-adoptive parents chose not to adopt her because of her heart defect and the bio parents chose to not to pursue treatment options, which meant she would die in the NICU without a family. We had a choice. We could step up and do something or pretend there was nothing that could be done and just stand by and watch her die.
When we decided to do something, most people believed we had lost our minds.
We were questioned about it over and over again.
Why would you do this?
Why would you bring a child who may die into your family?
You are going to ruin your life.
How will your other children survive the pain?
They will resent you.
Your are going to ruin your children’s lives.
Over and over again we heard those words. You WILL ruin their lives!
Well, it’s taken me years to get to this point, but today I’ll admit it. It’s true. We ruined their lives.
I’ll own it. Heck, I’ll even go so far as to say it was the best darn thing that ever happened to them.
Although I once feared ruining our children’s lives, I no longer do. In fact, I love that their lives have been ruined. In fact, I praise God that it happened so early in their lives. My eyes were closed to the pain and suffering of the world for way too long. I lived in a very small comfortable bubble. They, however, understand how beautiful life is and how fleeting life can be.
They know more medical terms than any child should know. We ruined their normal, comfortable lives and filled their days with G-tube feedings, seizures, heart caths and surgeries, kidney failure, lower limb paralysis, SMA, PKU, brain damage, incontinence, and chemotherapy. They know what it means to spend many, many days, weeks, and even months in the hospital.
We brought hurting children into our home not once but 11 times. We ruined their picture perfect life. We made our kids share their home, their rooms, their parents. We’ve made them sit through doctor’s appointments and surgeries. They’ve cried tears over shots, blood draws, and i.v. starts. They’ve held trembling hands, wiped away tears, and been filled with fear as their sibling was taken away for surgery wondering if their sibling would ever come home again.
These things that we feared would ruin their lives for the worse have in fact made them better humans. These things have opened their heart to others. They don’t see the world the same way that others do. How could they? Adopting has opened their eyes to those who live without a mother and a father. It opened their eyes to what orphanage life is. It made them appreciate what they have.
They have been ruined for the ordinary because they have seen miracles in our home. Children who shouldn’t be healed are in fact, healed. They know how fleeting life is because there are children, who are NOT guaranteed tomorrow, running and laughing through our halls. They understand that it is better to love with your whole heart and maybe hurt later, than to never have known the love of these sweet souls.
They know that intelligence doesn’t make you a better person. They know that taking care of the least of these may not always be easy but it is worthwhile. They know that little souls who never utter a word can speak volumes.
They know there is no greater blessing than allowing God to work in your life. They know that being obedient, even when it scares you, brings blessings beyond measure.
Our children are not perfect. They still make mistakes. We all do. But what I know for sure is that God has ruined them for what the world stands for and instead has showed them what He values above all else. I praise God daily that they are no longer unaware.
I once feared those words that others uttered…
“You will ruin your other children’s lives!
But now I embrace those words and I celebrate them.
We have been ruined for the ordinary and instead have embraced the extraordinary!
It doesn’t get any better than that!
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