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I Never Knew…
THAT JASMINE WOULD HAVE COMPLICATIONS FROM SURGERY
Many of you may know that Jasmine ended up back in the hospital. I hadn’t really considered that she would have complications. I’m not sure why. It’s a big surgery. They always inform you of the complications, but still I was so sure she would fly through this and be just fine. I was so sure of it that I really didn’t let my head go there. Instead she ended up with a wound infection and a blood infection. She was a pretty sick little girl. They had to take her back to surgery and reopen her wound. They took out the previous bone grafts, irrigated her wound with 12 liters, reapplied the bone graft, and closed her back up.
Jasmine had a second set back and needed a lumbar drain put in. She had a tear in her dura and lost a lot of cerebral spinal fluid. They took her to surgery and put in the drain. She now has to lie flat on her back for the next five days. If it heals over, we are done and can go home. If it is not healed over, she will need another surgery to reopen her wound, find the leak, and repair it and then five more days flat in bed.
She will go home with a PICC line and IV antibiotics for a total of six weeks at least. Worst case scenario is that they will not be able to clear the infection and they will have to remove all the hardware (screws and rods). We are all praying that this is not the case.
THAT JASMINE WAS CONSTANTLY HUNGRY IN THE ORPHANAGE
When we adopted Jasmine she was 14 and weighed 85 pounds. She wasn’t a very big girl but she wasn’t skin and bones either. I hadn’t really considered her being hungry all the time. When she shares these facts with me, she says them so matter of fact. It’s like it’s nothing, just another random fact she is sharing. These facts always break my heart.
Here is my post about this talk from Facebook:
Today I was talking to Cassie about Elyse not wanting to eat what Cassie was preparing and Jasmine overheard our conversation.
Jasmine – Mama, take away her food for the day and then tomorrow she will be really hungry and eat.
Me – Jasmine, did they do that in the orphanage?
Jasmine – Oh yes mama. If they take your food for a day or two, you are really hungry and you will eat whatever they make.
Big pause…..
Wait, no don’t do that mama. It’s really not nice to do mama.
Me – Jazz, did they really take your food from you?
Jasmine – Yes mama and I could only have half the food everyone else got because I would get too heavy for them to carry. It’s hard to be hungry all the time. Don’t take Elyse’s food mama. Ok?THAT MY LITTLE GIRL WOULD CARE SO MUCH ABOUT OTHER ORPHANS
Here is another excerpt that I posted on Facebook:
They took Jasmine to surgery at 5……They allowed me to go back with her until she was asleep. The anesthesiologist told her that sometimes the medicines let you have wonderful dreams. I told her she could dream about Cassie‘s wedding or summer vacation. The doctor asked her what she was going to dream about and Jasmine responded, “I’m gonna dream about no more orphans in China mama.” That, in a nutshell, is the heart of my girl.
THAT WOULD TAKE SO LONG TO GET PAST THE ORPHANAGE ISSUES
With Jasmine there haven’t been many orphanage behaviors. She doesn’t yell. She doesn’t hit. She doesn’t hoard food. She doesn’t cuss. She is respectful. She is loving. She is caring. She is sweet. But what she isn’t able to get past are the abuse issues. She can be in horrible pain and she won’t say a word. Here in the hospital, people comment time and time again about how good she is. I tell them over and over again (outside the door of course) that she isn’t being good. She is absolutely terrified to complain because she was punished for complaining. She was punished for speaking up. She was punished for asking to go the bathroom. She was punished for asking for more food. The list goes on and on and even though it’s been almost two years she doesn’t believe she can say anything to anyone else. She will tell Dan and I as soon as people leave the room, but she will not make a sound when other adults are in the room. I can not even begin to adequately explain to you how heartbreaking this is.
THAT MY HEART WOULD HURT BECAUSE I COULDN’T PROTECT HER
While we were in the ER, Jasmine had an accident, the first one she has had at home. The fear in her eyes as she was anxiously scream-whispering, “Don’t let them hit me mama. Don’t. Please don’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Spoke volumes and I had to leave the room and bawl in the bathroom.
THAT I WOULD BE HORRIBLY SAD THAT IT TOOK SO LONG TO FIND HER
Whenever anyone asks us how long Jasmine has been with us and I say it will be two years in May, I want to just scream about the fact that we didn’t see her picture sooner.
THAT I WOULD BE EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED THAT I CAN’T DO MORE
After our last adoption (for a total of 9 adopted), I thought I would feel like we did our part. I thought that I could just move on, but there are so many children who wait. I don’t understand the evil of this world. I don’t understand not caring. I don’t understand causing others pain. I can’t explain it. I don’t want to ever understand it. There are children all over the world who are in pain right now. Children who are hungry. Children who need families. Families who need help keeping their families intact. Children who need surgery. People who need food and clean water and medical supplies and we have so much.
THAT ORPHANAGES WOULD BE QUIET PLACES
The thing that always amazes me about orphanages is how quiet they are. I’ve been in four different orphanages. Each orphanage was quiet, even in the baby rooms. In one place that we visited there was a new baby, in an isolation room that had recently arrived, screaming his head off, but there were 20+ babies in the regular room and not one of them was making any noise. It’s an eerie, eerie thing. What happens that make children not make noise, especially babies?
THAT OTHERS WOULD THINK IT WAS WRONG FOR US TO ADOPT SO MANY CHILDREN
See in my little world, I thought it was a good thing to adopt children. I honestly didn’t think anyone would have anything negative to say. I didn’t want or expect people to compliment us or commend us BUT I certainly never considered that people would think it was wrong.
I keep trying to find just the right comment that would make people see it from my viewpoint. Here’s what I have come up with….
They say…..What were you doing adopting four at one time? You can’t bond with four children at a time. You can’t care for four children at a time. It’s just too much and you shouldn’t have done it.
What they are really saying…..It would have been much better to let Jasmine die in an institution. It would have been better for Evie to die in the orphanage.
You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say it was wrong for us to adopt those four children without admitting it was okay for the rest to play out. See no one else was showing up. Jasmine had two weeks before she aged out. She wasn’t going to be lovingly cared for in a home. Evie had a couple more months. No one was there. She would have been just another child who died without a family, in an orphanage.
THAT ANYONE BESIDE A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY WOULD READ THIS BLOG
Sometimes I forget that others read it. I look at the numbers and am honestly just blown away. I don’t know why people continue to read my ramblings, but I am always, always, always, beyond thankful that our children have this wonderful group of people who care about them and pray for them.
THANK YOU!
THAT I WOULD BE FOREVER BLESSED BY FOLLOWING GOD’S LEAD AND THAT ADOPTION WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE IN WAYS I COULDN’T EVEN IMAGINE!
We are so blessed! Not by material things, although we have them. No, what I am considering my blessings are those sweet faces that greet me every morning. I am blessed to watch our children thrive. I am blessed to hear them laugh and sing and watch them learn new things. I am blessed to be able to be their mother. I wish I could take away their pain. I wish I could take away the reasons that they ended up in an orphanage to begin with, but since I can not I will help them find their way in this world and consider myself blessed that I am allowed to be a part of their lives.
Adoption has changed everything. My life is no longer about me. My perspective on almost everything has changed. These children have opened and continue to open my eyes to so many things.
