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Why Our Large Family is NOT Our Own Little Orphanage
I have heard the comment “Wow! You are starting your own little orphanage/group home” more times than I care to count. I’m still surprised people can think this, let alone even say it out loud. Maybe they are just trying to be funny. Maybe they are just saying the first words that pop into their heads. I’m not sure, but what I do know is that we aren’t the only family hearing these words. Many other mamas have stated the same thing. I have to chalk it up to someone not having a clue what life in an institution is truly like because if they had ever stepped a foot into an orphanage then they couldn’t say those words and be serious.
I have had people tell me that they can’t even handle their two children so how can we possibly do this? I have heard that there is no way I can have enough time for all of my children. I have heard there is no way I can give them the care they each need. It’s not like I close my ears to the negative or that I haven’t asked myself the same questions. I’m not delusional nor do I believe that I am superwoman. I do, however, know where my strength comes from and I truly believe most people could do more. I choose to try to be selfless not because I’m a martyr but because I truly LOVE my life. I am blessed!!! Those aren’t just words I utter because I want to somehow sound good to others.
Can life be hard? Absolutely! Can it seem overwhelming? Yep! Is it hard on your heart somedays? Yes! Trauma is not a pretty thing. What it does to little hearts is hard to take somedays. Adoption isn’t a walk in the park. If you think it’s gonna be a breeze and you will have no issues because your little one was adopted early, then you will have a rude awakening.
Institutional life is hard on a child. They are limited in food. The fact that they live in a facility means that their lives started by loss. They aren’t taught the basic life lessons we teach our child. They are left to raise themselves. They get very little one on one time and they have no sense of family or belonging and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
As we prepare to leave to adopt Jessica and William in 15 days, the middles won’t let the topic of adopting again drop. I laugh and tell them that we haven’t even adopted these two yet.
We don’t have a clue what it is going to be like when we get home. We don’t know just how sick Jessica is. It’s scary waiting, knowing that something as simple as a UTI could lead to sepsis and death for her.
But the girls talk about all the children who wait. The girls pray for the children ready to age out and cry tears knowing what this means for this child. It’s one thing to be an able bodied child left to fend for yourself, if you have a disability, your future is so uncertain. I could not let them see the advocacy sites and not let them know of the children who need prayer BUT I won’t. Too many people pretend it isn’t happening. Too many people go about their days without giving the orphan crisis a thought. Too many people say it’s just too hard on their hearts. I won’t be the one to tell my girls that this burden they feel isn’t worth their time.
These girls dream of a day when Jasmine’s Dream comes true – “A family for every child.”
I will continue to pray with the girls and have big, ugly cryfests with them. I will continue to post and share posts of others. We will donate when we can. We will encourage those who are adopting. We will be the hands and feet of Christ in as many ways as we can because we know just how important it is. We will help families stay together when possible and we will advocate for those who long for a forever family.
Elyse dreams of building a castle where we have a 100 bedrooms. She talks of all the children feeling loved and cared for. When I say, “Adopting 100 children would mean less time for each child.” She reminds me that having a family is a beautiful thing and knowing you belong and have some where to call home is priceless. She then says, “How about 20 then?” Although she tells me that I could love 100 children or more and this fact is true, there is no limit on how many children your heart can love.
She drew me this picture at her last doctor’s appointment.
I would think that if our children felt that our family was too big, they wouldn’t talk so much of adopting again. They love their siblings and they know how important family is. They eagerly wait for the day William and Jessica will be home. They talk about all the things they will do with them, where they will sleep, how they can figure out what their favorite foods are.
After talking with Elyse and Jasmine on numerous occasions, we decided to make a list of how family is not like an orphanage. Here are a few of the reasons we came up with that our large family is NOT like our own little orphanage.
1. Our children will never go to bed without being tucked in and told how much they are loved.
2. Our children will never spend a day hungry.
3. Our children will spend their days getting hugged, kissed, and told over and over again how much we love them.
4. Our children’s last name will not mean orphan or tell which orphanage they are from.
5. Our children will always have a place to call home and family to come home to.
6. Our children will get the medical and dental care that they so desperately need.
7. Our children will not be defined by their disabilities, feel less than, nor will they be made fun of for having a disability.
8. Our children will be helped to be the best them they can be. We will support them and encourage them in every way possible.
9. Our children will be allowed the privilege of going to school.
10. Our children will never hear the words worthless or unadoptable again.
11. Our children will have someone to run to for comfort when they are feeling physical or emotional pain.
12. Our children will know that they are loved, cherished, wanted, and part of our family FOREVER!
Family is a beautiful thing. May we never take that for granted. May we continue to remember and pray for those who want nothing more than a family to call their own.
