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Trust and Praise
I wrestle with fear and worry.
I wish my faith was so strong that I never feared.
That worry was not a word I knew.
That I never fretted or stewed or shed a tear.
But that would be a lie.
Because sometimes I am caught in the moment and I see this face…
Sometimes my heart is filled with so much emotion,
that I can barely move,
my breathe is taken away.
I stand there and watch her play in the sunshine
with her family that she adores,
I see the pure joy on her face,
and think what if this is it?
What would I do without her silly little walk,
her running hugs,
her contagious laugh,
the silly way she talks?
She makes me laugh every day.
She loves to greet people and make them smile.
She likes to share her cookies and ask how you are
as she drives around Fareway with her buddy in her little car.
So I can’t help but think…
What if we do surgery and she doesn’t survive?
It crosses my mind from time to time.
I know everyone tells me that “God’s got this,
He’s in the business of miracles,
Look what He did with Ben.”
Believe me I know that my God is full of miracles.
I’ve seen them again and again and again,
but I also know His ways are not my ways
and His plan is not always what I want.
That is where my fear lies.
Not because I don’t trust God.
Not because I don’t believe His plan is perfect.
But because even though I expectantly wait,
my God may still call her home.
But we said we’d do all that we could to give her a chance.
But what if that shot shortens her days?
What if instead of extending them, we are taking days away?
These are the thoughts that stop me in my tracks.
I don’t want to let this rambunctious bundle of joy go.
But we said, “We’d give her a chance.”
So a chance we will take.
I trust.
I trust in a plan that is bigger than her.
I trust in a God who holds her dear and loves her more than I can fathom.
I turn it over and I praise.
I praise a God who would allow me a year full of joy and laughter.
I praise a God who would and could heal her so.
I praise a God who has allowed me front row seats to the miracle that is her.
Her time was limited in China.
And she’s been granted a year.
365 days of love and fun and cuddles.
She has spread her love around for all to feel.
She is a little ray of sunshine
that has brightened my days.
I have been so blessed.
So I trust and I praise and I give her all of me.
