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This is the day…
…..that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!
I will rejoice even though my heart hurts that she has to go through this pain. I will rejoice that there is hope. I will praise God for the surgeons and the rest of the team that hold my little girl’s life in their hands. I will keep my eyes on the Lord because the truth is if I don’t I will fall apart.
She doesn’t even weigh 20 pounds and they are going to open up her tiny little chest. I know that this is the right time. We got her as healthy as we could. Her oxygen saturations are now in the 20’s when she is upset. For those of you without a medical background, healthy O2 sats are over 95%. I once had someone look at me during a cath, when my child’s O2 sat was 53% and say that they had never seen sats that low on an alive person. Not a great comment for a mama. Sats of 20 turn you the nastiest shade of gray/blue you have ever seen.
I’m taking this as a blessing too.
It’s so easy to second guess yourself, but if being mad drops her sats that much, she needs surgery now. No more second guessing. This is the right thing. I just don’t want her to have to go through it. It’s easy to be tough until you are faced with the reality of handing her off. It’s easy to pretend its a long ways away and you have plenty of time. But placing her in someone else’s arms? Absolutely heartbreaking and gut wrenchingly awful.
I love this picture for many reasons. The first being…..well, seriously just look at that face and her cute little ruffle tutu. Second, she finally has enough hair to almost have a “do”! Third, she is so brave, strong, and resilient. This was taken just a short while after being so mad at her blood draw that we played for a while in 30’s and 40’s with her O2 sats. She even broke some blood vessels in her eye. Yes, she was just that mad. All in all, not a fun morning but she loves big and forgives easily. A carpet picnic with her mama and daddy and her favorite fries and all is right with the world.
I love this girl so much. It feels like she has been in our house forever. I am a blessed mama for every single day I’ve been allowed to love her.
The surgery is expected to take over 6 hours. I will update when we are done. Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement. It is amazing to me that people in China, Europe, Africa and the US are praying for her. I can’t even adequately express how that feels. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!!
