-
The First 30 Years
I had just turned 20 and you were 19 on the day we wed. You were going to be an art teacher and I hoped to be the mother of two or three.
We were young and naive. We figured we could handle anything that life threw our way.
Little did we know how heartbreaking and tough life could really be.
We survived 14 months in a hospital room with more complications than we even knew were possible.
We were warned about the statistics of how many marriages failed after the death of a child. We were warned about the stress on marriages after a prolonged hospitalization, but our faith and our love grew with every new curve life threw our way.
We were so surprised when we found out we were expecting again.
What a blessed surprise little Zachary has been.
We had our three little boys and I was adamant we were done. But you kept saying wouldn’t having a little girl be so fun? You reminded me of my dreams of having a daughter of my own.
Once again you were right. She’s added so much to our life. A beautiful little girl both inside and out. Our family was complete at least that is what we thought.
You continued through medical school and residency and decided neonatalogy was the perfect fit.
Our family was settled and the end of training was in sight. 15 years is a long time to to work to achieve your goals but you were almost done. We used to joke about the light at the end of a tunnel finally being in sight and for once it wasn’t a train.
But as fate would have it, one fateful night, our life was turned upside down as your heart broke for a little girl fighting for her life in the NICU. She grabbed your heart and wouldn’t let go. Most people told us it was crazy, it would tear apart our family, that we shouldn’t do this to our children, but we decided to take a chance. We named her Hope because it meant trust and faith and on 6/29/99 she became our daughter for life.
She would need three surgeries but the surgeon convinced us it was worth a shot. God had sent her to us so how could we not give her a chance at the life she deserved? At the very least, she deserved a family and a name. Everyone was on board to give her love for as many days as God would bless us with.
She not only survived but she thrived and you finished your training and degree. You took a job to be closer to family.
We bought our first house with a couple of acres. We started to feel settled in our new home. Your job was going well and you had new opportunities to achieve your dream of making life better for babies. You started applying your ideas to improve outcomes with clinical and quality improvement in the national company you were part of.
About six years later, we decided to try again. It seemed God was saying to have another child and we eagerly awaited the arrival of another little girl. Life was good. Then the unthinkable happened and she was delivered by emergency c-section. By the grace of God she arrived as healthy as could be. That is how she got her name Grace and what a blessing she would be.
One of my favorite family pictures!
A few years later you would read a book that rocked you to the core. Max Lucado’s book Outlive your Life. He asked the question about what you would tell your children about what you did to help the millions of children starving and waiting for a family. At the age of 44, you decided we should adopt. We could help at least one child. We could give them love and care for them.
I, however, felt we were too old. I worried about what the world would say. I worried about too many things that truly didn’t matter. Mary Beth Chapman would change my life with her book, Choosing to See, in which her daughter asks “Is it better for an orphan to have an older mother or no mother at all?”
So even though we thought that our family was complete we decided to adopt.
God lead us to China. By fate and a friend we would find our agency, CCAI. We filled out the forms and applied to adopt. We checked off the boxes on our Medical Conditions Checklist about what we thought we could handle and were matched with a little girl almost immediately. She was deaf.
Cassie had begged to take an ASL class in college and now that made sense. Cassie had almost completed her year which talked about deaf culture and she felt we could handle this so we said “yes!”. God is most definitely in the details.
A new policy had just gone into effect where you could adopt two if the second child had a more complex medical need. We decided to proceed. Hope asked to adopt a little boy with a heart condition like hers and we set off to find our little Tigger.
We took a chance on losing our hearts again. We knew he was our son so we stepped out in obedience and faith and took a chance knowing he might not even live long enough for us to get to him.
In the midst of the paper chase, Gracie got sick. We couldn’t figure out what was going on. She had been sick for weeks and just couldn’t get rid of this bug. We went in to check for mono and left with the diagnosis “possible leukemia”. We were sent to an oncologist for a bone marrow test.
It ended up being lupus with kidney nephritis. Gracie endured chemo and more meds than any little girl should take. We wondered how we could still adopt but Ben and Maisey were our children. We could not leave them half a world away.
It took a year of paperwork and waiting. But the wait, though painful, was so worth it.
We were blown away by these two little people who trusted us so quickly. Their love for each other was so sweet. They bonded with us immediately. It couldn’t have gone better.
We toured China. We saw the Forbidden City. We walked the Great Wall. We put a lock on the railing on the wall signifying our love could never be broken.
Then we walked into an orphanage and our hearts were forever changed looking at all the little faces that were waiting for a forever family. I knew we’d never be the same.
David Platt was right. “Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.”
Our lives were about to change in amazing ways.
I knew God was telling us that we needed to do more and you agreed. We felt that God was saying to say four on our new home study. We had no clue what that meant but our social worker agreed and we waited to be matched.
The road to the next four was amazing. Strangers couldn’t understand. Even our family was unsure at first, but they had seen God in too many details to question it now. We watched as God opened door after door to allow us to adopt four at once. It was easy to see God was the one in control. It was such an amazing journey that year.
We had agreed to adopt two.
We were waiting for paperwork on Eli and our agency sent us another file. To this day, I have no idea why. I refused to look at it because I didn’t want to say “No” but you read the file and even though there were a 1,000 reasons to say no, you chose to say, “Why not?” and I will be forever grateful for this fact.
We had preapproval for Lainey and Evangeline. We were waiting for paperwork to be completed for Eli and I had no idea how any of this would work. We assumed we would travel again to go get Eli.
And then we saw her face….
We asked for permission to add a third child and China said “Yes!”. We were beyond ecstatic.
As luck would have it or better yet as God had planned, six weeks before we traveled, Elijah’s paperwork was ready. We asked once again for special permission because of his heart defect and China agreed. How this year had happened was a miracle with too many to list in just this one post. We stood in awe of all that happened to allow us to travel to get our four children at once. I will forever feel beyond blessed that God allowed us to take a part in this journey.
Twelve children. It had been a dream of mine when I was a little girl. I had given up on that dream long ago but here I was the mother of 12. What others thought was crazy I thought was a beautiful gift.
Once again we said we were done, but Jasmine had other plans. She begged and pleaded and Gracie chimed in. We finally had to admit that she was right. We could do more. We could love more.
That had been the most amazing thing on this unbelievable journey. You wonder how could you love so many children. Mainly you wondered because you believed as you love, you gave away a pieces of your heart but that isn’t the truth. As you love, it multiplies. There is always room to love more. There is no set number. There is no cap to the amount of love you can give. Your heart contains an infinite amount of love and the more you share, the more you are able to give.
Your heart was taken by the sweetest little face.
And we added Max to the mix.
We traveled across the country for heart surgeries. We watched blue fingers turn to pink.
We watched hearts heal both physical and emotionally.
We watched our family bond and become friends.
In just a few short years, we lost your dad, my mom, gramp gramps, aunt Kay, my grandpa (pop), Will and then your brother Rod. Our hearts mourned for those we lost but we thanked God for the hope we will one day meet again.
We truly believed our family was complete at 14. 14 means completion and perfection and it all happened in 2014. I loved that fact. It seemed a good place to stop our family, but the kids joked about us having 15 in 2015 and 16 in 2016. They joked about even more and we laughed. We told them at some point we had to be done adopting.
Jasmine had a dream. Her dream was a family for every child and we set out to advocate and support those who were adopting and those children who were waiting.
We decided to advocate. We decided to try to help families stay together by supporting them with the surgery their child needs. You and I joined a wonderful group of people who are trying to make the world a better place – one child at a time.
Our children have learned what it means to give from their hearts. They have raised money and awareness. They are truly changed. They know what is truly important. They have watched God provide over and over again. They know the truth and their foundation is secure.
We have had two weddings.
We have changed a lot over the years but one thing has always remained true. You are my best friend. I am happy doing anything with you. I am content to just be by your side. Our life has been so much more than I could ever have imagined or dreamed.
It’s about to change again because our children have big dreams. They prayed and prayed and we finally agreed they were right. In 2016 we will add two more.
I can’t believe this journey we’ve been so graciously allowed to go on but I thank God every day it is you I have been on it with. Thank you for being obedient to God’s call even when it doesn’t make sense by earthly standards.
We don’t take fancy trips or drive a fancy car. In fact, we drive a 16 passenger bus with a wheelchair lift. We will never have an empty home and it will be forever busy, but that’s ok.
I pray that we have another 30 years together. I pray that we are always obedient to His call. I pray that we never take these blessings for granted and we forever remember that we are seriously blessed.
I love you sweetheart with all my heart.
e
