When we decided to adopt Maisey, our agency told us of a program China had started where you could adopt two at once. We prayed about it and discussed it with our family. Hope really wanted us to adopt a little boy with a heart defect like hers and since Dan and I were older and absolutely positive we would never be going to China again, we decided to proceed.

Every time I think about how positive we were that this would be the completion of our family, I chuckle. It’s a good thing I had no clue where God was going to lead us because I think I would have ran the other direction.

It was life changing when they placed Maisey and Ben in our arms. It was as if my eyes had suddenly been opened. Here was a 3 1/2 year old little boy, who wouldn’t talk, refused to let you call him his Chinese name, was starving and ate for hours after we got him. Ben slept with his bowl and food in his hands for months. With Maisey they threw her in my arms, like she was nothing, I can’t even explain it. To this day my heart hurts over the utter worthlessness with which she was treated.

I can still see Dan pacing in the registration office. Every other child had already arrived. I had been holding Maisey for quite a while at this point. All of a sudden Dan sees him outside the door, as soon as Ben walked through that door, Dan picked him up. That is not how it is supposed to work. You are supposed to wait until they hand them to you. There is paperwork and procedures that need to be followed. I often wish I had that moment on film, but it happened so fast. Four years later I can still see it and it still brings tears to my eyes.

Ben went to Dan and he was instantly at home. When we visited the orphanage two days later, Ben refused to go to anyone. He held on to Dan for dear life. What makes a child hold on to a 6 foot tall, bearded, white man and refuse to go to anyone who has cared for him during his whole life? Ben buried his head in Dan’s shoulder, wrapped his arms tight around Dan’s neck, and hid.

During those days, my eyes were opened to how much a child wants a family. My heart would never be the same again. I walked through the halls of that orphanage and knew most of those little faces would never know what family means. Just because you have never known the love of a family doesn’t mean you don’t want it or know, deep down, that there is something missing.

I often wish I could touch people on the shoulder and have those emotions or memories transferred to them. They would never be the same again. I thought I knew before we traveled. I thought I got it, but what I know for a fact is I was clueless. Completely clueless!!!!

Everyone needs to feel safe and loved. This is one of my favorite pictures from our trip. Ben loves his daddy. Ben found his safe place.