If I had never gone to the orphanage, I would have never known how children hurt. I would have never known what it feels like to be an aging out child. I would have never cared about orphans.

If I hadn’t gone to the orphanage, I would have never been adopted. I would have never been loved by you and daddy. I would have missed out on the love of all my sisters and brothers and the fun of watching kids join our family. And most of all I would have never heard about Jesus or known that my life was not worthless.

The next day Jasmine woke up and said to me, “The very last thing that has happened is that I am still alive.  Mama, do you know what it is like to think that you would probably be dead if you hadn’t been adopted?”  She went on to tell me again how the nannies offered to help her end her life.  She told me that the nannies told her over and over again what would happen to her when she turned 14.  It isn’t always the case that you will be turned out on the street or go to an institution at 14.  If you can work, they will sometimes hire you.  If there is someone who has taken you under their wing, then they will allow you to stay until you are 18 or older.

But they had let Jasmine know they were tired of taking care of her.  They told of her of the place she would go to live the minute she turned 14.  She was told it would be survival of the fittest at the adult institution.  I don’t know anything about these places so I asked around.  It is pretty much like it is here in the states.  It depends on what place you go to and how much they care, some are good, some are bearable, and some are very bad.  Where she would have gone was bad, so yes, it would have been very hard for her to survive there.

Plus, without surgery, breathing would have gotten more and more difficult.  What kills these children with SMA normally is respiratory illnesses.  Here in the U.S. Jasmine has a cough assist machine to help her breath.  We use it every morning to help open up her lungs.  She had surgery that helped elongate her back and helps her take deeper breaths.   She gets regular checkups and help from the very best doctors.

It’s a lot to handle as a 16 year old and yet she does it with grace most days.  She has her sad days and her mad days but for 90% of the time Jasmine is joyful and outgoing and compassionate.  Believe me with the stories she has told me, the fact that she isn’t a bitter, angry, awful teenager is in itself a miracle.  I ask myself that all the time.  How did she keep her joy?  How did she stay so hopeful?

How?  She held on tight to the hope of walking.  She dreamed of having a family of her very own.  She knew that there was someone bigger than her out there that she prayed constantly to.

I am so moved by her story.  I am so blessed to get to be her mama.  She teaches me something new every single day.  It is an amazing journey and I get to be the one to help her navigate it.  It’s a pretty amazing thing but that’s to be expected because she is a pretty amazing, wise young lady.