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Our Sanctuary
This post has been a long time coming. I’m finding it hard to put into words how amazing our new home is for our family, but on the eve of the one year anniversary of our move, I feel the need to praise God for these amazing blessings!
We’ve finally settled in and found our groove. We finally closed on the sale of the home we have lived in for 23 years on February 3rd. It’s bittersweet. We loved our acreage, but I couldn’t love this church or the little town more. There is so much here. The parks, the walking paths, the swimming pool, the library, the little restaurants, the sweet people, the parades that go right by our front door. I could not be happier with our move. We loved our old house but our family needed this church.
I’ve been silent on this blog for a long time; I haven’t written since October of 2021. We’ve been going through a lot with a couple of the kids. Trauma is not for the faint of heart. I haven’t written about adoption or adopting because I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemies but at the same time I know how important adoption is. I know that kids need a home. I know that a life that makes a difference will be filled with pain. The quote is “Your calling is going to crush you.” It will. It will break your heart. It will turn your life upside down. I think adoptive parents – or parents of any type – who are going through a hard time keep quiet. They don’t want to hurt their child by sharing their dark moments. A parent’s only prayer and hope is that they get their child through this season. You don’t want people to judge them. You don’t want people to think poorly of them, especially since you know they have very good reasons for acting out as they heal from their pain. I also think, truthfully, you sit on your secret because no one would believe you even if you shared it. It’s illogical. It’s beyond crazy. Some days make you question your sanity. There is healing but it takes a long, long time. You just hope you are strong enough to see it through the end.
Still, I feel like I should have been writing. I should have been sharing so others know they aren’t alone. Not sharing so much it hurt our children, but enough that people know there is hope during the struggle. Adoption with trauma, special needs children, and medical issues make for a very isolating journey. It’s good to know you are not alone. Would I still recommend adoption? Absolutely! It’s just not something everyone should do. Be prepared to do hard things. There is no fairy tale ending, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it.
This home, our church, is a true sanctuary and a new start for all of us. It’s been such a blessing. The cycles of frustration and anger have been put to an end and those of us left here can all hopefully heal.
I had been looking for a house that would work for our family for the past 8 years. 7 years ago, I thought I had found it. God had answered all my prayers and we moved to an acreage 30 minutes east of our old home. I thought that it was a better fit for us because it had a 1,200 square foot lodge style living room that was perfect but the bedrooms were small (although there were 5) and the house was older. I thought it would work but Dan and the kids wanted to stay in the only home they knew. They didn’t like being so isolated and far from town. Dan was worried that I might have an asthma attack and die before they got me help. We moved into the acreage and a few months later, before we even listed our old home, we moved back.
I was crushed, but my family was happy. It was the right thing to move back but it didn’t feel that way at the time.
For years now, I have been looking at houses. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I have always loved house tours and home remodeling shows, but the houses that would fit our family with 6 bedrooms and large rooms were all a million dollars or more. I wondered how we would ever gather together as a family in the future with all the spouses and children. I considered meeting together in an Airbnb but with Max and Lainey being elopers, it would be so hard to relax. We couldn’t meet in a hotel because I have two kids who yell when they are panicked. I dreamed and prayed and envisioned the perfect house for years now. I thought God had answered all my prayers with that first one then but it wasn’t to be.
Last June, we had a packed house for our Family Day gathering, where the wheelchairs couldn’t move and we didn’t have enough room to really sit together. Jessica came to me and said she now understood what I was saying all those years ago; with everyone there she couldn’t really move around the house. It was a tight fit, but it was June and we spent lots of time in our backyard so it didn’t seem bad. I knew Thanksgiving and Christmas would be much harder.
The night before I saw the listing for this church on Facebook, I had cried myself to sleep. I had toured another home that just wouldn’t work. I was frustrated and exasperated. I finally said, “God, I give up control. You know my heart. You know my dreams. You can provide in ways that I can’t even fathom. You are a good God and I live in a beautiful home. I’ve always known that. I am blessed beyond measure and I am not complaining. I have so much. It’s wrong for me to even ask for more. You know what we need. I trust you. No more thinking about it. If its meant to be, I’ll just wait for you to show me. You are a good, good God.” I laid it all down. I cried myself to sleep thinking about how I was trying to control so much that wasn’t really in my control. I needed to just be content with what I had because I had so much. I felt terrible that I even wanted more when so many did without. I fell asleep at peace.
The very next morning I saw the church that had been converted into a home listed on Facebook. I laughed to myself and said, “Really? First thing this morning I have to be tempted by a beautiful home?” But then I did what I always do with a really cool house that I find: I messaged Cassie the link. It was a pipe dream. $640,000? How could we ever make that happen? Our current home could not be shown in the state it is. We weren’t even ready for a move. I certainly didn’t want to be trying to show a home with 12 kids and 6 dogs. We needed time to fix it up and there’s no way anyone is going to approve us for two home loans. It was 45 minutes the other direction from our home. The list of reasons why we shouldn’t look at it went on and on.
Cassie told me that she was going to hit the “tour” button just to go look at it. I said I couldn’t, but then I relented and at 6 p.m. on July 2nd we met the realtor. I mean, I love old houses. I love the big woodwork, the architecture. What could it hurt to tour the house and just see how cool it was?
I walked in and teared up. It was amazing!
It was seriously everything I had ever imagined in my head. It was so perfect. I mean, who puts in a 12 seat peninsula?
Dan looked at me, saw my face, and said that he knew we were moving. He had no idea how he was going to make it happen but he said he knew we were going to move. The living room/kitchen was almost 2,000 square feet. Gracie came over after work intent on talking me out of buying this house because our old home has been the only home she’s known. She walked in and said that she too knew that we were moving. She said, “Mom, this is everything you’ve ever described in your dream house. I can’t take that away from you. How do we make this happen?” I told her I had no idea.
Dan and I prayed about it and decided to move forward and the next morning we took the kids to see the church. Everyone loved it. A few were worried about the work we’d have to do moving. They were also worried about the money. One child even told me they’d move, but they would NOT socialize. hahaha
We decided to put in an offer. Now mind you this is July 3rd at noon. I called the banker we had worked with for our previous home equity loans, but he was out of town. The realtor told us that we had until 9:00 that night to get preapproval and send in an offer because there was already a contingent offer that the sellers had accepted. The realtor we used gave me his finance guy’s number. I called and left a message. Justin, the realtor (who has also adopted) asked if his finance guy called me back yet and I said “No”. Then all of a sudden I get a call at 3:30 from the finance guy who says, “Apparently I need to stop sitting by the pool because Justin says I have an amazing family that I need to help get preapproval for the house of their dreams.” So he sent me the papers, I frantically pulled all the information together, and we got preapproval at 6:30. WHAT?!??!? How does that even happen?
The other buyers had a contingency clause that said if another buyer comes forward they have 24 hours to get the money together or prove they don’t need to sell their house before buying the church. So we sat and prayed for 24 hours. I felt bad about the other buyers but I prayed that God would give them the house that they needed too if we were allowed to buy this house. At 6:30 p.m. on July 4th we got the news they accepted our bid. Cillian’s words were “WoooHoo!!! Let me get my shoes.”
When we toured the church it had all sorts of verses and sweet sayings. The bathroom had a print that said “Is this heaven? No, it’s just my beautiful home.” A pillow with “blessed” on it. The front entry had a sign that said “In this house let love abide and bless all those who step inside” And amazing grace was written every where.
It’s been so crazy. Not only is there a 12 seat peninsula but there is a stage with a dance floor. My favorite thing to do with my kids and grandkids is to have disco dance parties.
There are two laundry rooms and two kitchens. The kitchen in the basement is huge and made for church meals. There are two stoves and a power strip in the wall for crock pots.
We are set for family gatherings. Plus, the basement is 3,500 square feet. It has 3 bedrooms, a bathroom, laundry room, that huge kitchen, and a huge open living room.
One part of my dream was to have a multigenerational home. Cassie and Reece had been living in an apartment at our old home. Cassie wanted to stay at home with Cillian, so they moved back into the apartment that Cassie had lived in during college so Cassie didn’t have to work. Cassie, who is a teacher, started home schooling our kids. What a blessing that has been. When we saw the church basement, we knew it would work for them still.
Cassie and Reece moved into the basement, which doesn’t look like a basement because of the massive windows. Reece and Cassie have always wanted to live in a below ground house because they really like it cool. We had been looking at building for them on our old property but we were having trouble getting zoning because we couldn’t figure out how to get a driveway all the way to the back acre. But now they get their dream too.
Plus, the very best part is that Cassie and Reece have agreed to be the caretaker of all our children who need lifetime care when we pass. This will be our forever home. The house will be paid for and our disabled children will have a place to live forever. They will never have to live in a nursing home. Praise the Lord!!!
The town has turned out to be so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. Jasmine, who has her own apartment in our garage, can come and go when she wants. She has independence and freedom that she didn’t have at our other home. She can go out to eat at the restaurants in town. She loves when the food trucks come to town. She goes to the library whenever she wants. Everything is in walking distance. It is truly a blessing.
I didn’t know we needed this. I didn’t know we needed a small community. I didn’t know, but now I do.
I wake up every morning in unbelief that I get to live here. I hope that I never, ever, ever take this blessing for granted. We are feeling beyond truly seriously blessed. Happy first year – heading to forever – new home anniversary!
***All the photos are from the previous home owners.
