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Life isn’t fair – now what?
There have been many things that have happened to people we know in the past couple of months – babies and toddlers dying, babies being diagnosed with things no parent wants to hear, cancer diagnosis, heart bypass, problems with teenagers – life altering issues to say the least.
I spent some time thinking about this because I was talking to my mom about things I wished I had known when Kyle died and Codey had all of his complications. The one thing I wish I had at the beginning was complete faith in God’s plan. It took me some time to take it all in and just accept that God had a plan. I finally let go of my hurt when I realized God is perfect, God’s plan is perfect, God does not make mistakes, and even though I will not fully understand it on this side of my life, I still believed those facts to be true. If I believed those facts to be true, I had to accept it and deal with it – not complain about it, not question it or why it happened to me. I had to accept it and make the best of what my life would now be.
There are many books that talk about this being a fallen world. Does God allow bad things to happen? Does God set these things in motion? Does free will come into play? Do bad things happen because of man’s free will and then God works them for good? You can question why it happens. You can question whether it is punishment. You can spend your life dwelling on all these things and you will still not have an answer or you can turn it over to God. The choice is yours. Every day that choice is yours.
Dan had a great aunt that used to ask the question “why not me?”. That was eye opening for me. When I stopped to ask myself “why not me?” instead of believing that I somehow deserved to not have pain in my life, then I could turn it all over to God and ask Him what I should do with it. What should I do with this pain? What are you trying to teach me? What am I supposed to learn? It was pretty arrogant of me to believe that I somehow deserved this blessed life I got to live. I don’t deserve anything.
I believe with all my heart that Codey did nothing to deserve this. I, on the other hand, know how imperfect I am and prayed that nothing I did brought this into our lives. I know I have sinned. I know I have done wrong. I had confessed my sins and claimed God’s promises of forgiveness, but still I wondered, did I do this? When I found the verse, John 9:1-3, it brought tears to my eyes and a new understanding to what God was expecting from me. As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”
I firmly believe this. Your life and how you live it is your best testimony. It doesn’t mean you don’t have bad days. It doesn’t mean you are never afraid or worried. What it does mean though is that people are watching. If you profess your love for God but doubt His plan and are angry at Him for His plan, what does that say? If you let bitterness take over your life, what are you saying? Do you believe you deserve to have the perfect life? Do you believe bad things shouldn’t happen to you? Do you have those Christian thoughts that say “I go to church. I tithe. I signed up for the perfect Christian life.” If you do, now is the time to go back and truly read the Bible. Look at what happened to those who truly loved and followed God. Many became martyrs. Many had horrible, horrible things happen to them. Just like with Job, you have the choice to praise God or curse Him. Every day the choice is yours. Every day you have the choice to see only the horrible or to start to see all the beautiful miracles that are all around you.
I know many people look at Codey’s life and see nothing but pain and all the things he isn’t able to do BUT when I look at Codey I see a miracle! Codey was supposed to be in a vegetative state – blind and deaf. He was trached for the first 4 years of his life. He came home from the hospital on a ventilator. Codey has been through so much and his pain has been more than I could bear to watch on many occasions. Life hasn’t been easy with Codey. It has been so different than anything I had ever planned on. If you had asked me at the age of 22, if this was the life I wanted, if you had presented me with all this information, and asked me to choose this path, the answer would have been a resounding “NO!” But 25 years later, I would do it all again. I would choose my life. My faith in God is so much stronger. I take nothing for granted. I worry less and love so much more. I try to let those around me know that they matter and that I love them. I try not to let the little things take over my life. I praise God in every way that I can. I thank God many times throughout my day for this wonderful, blessed life that I am able to live. I have lived with a little and I have had a lot. What I know to be the truth is that things don’t matter – people matter! I would give all I own to get my other children here right now or to spend another day with Kyle.
In life we have choices, every single day. When presented with things in life that take away everything we once held dear, we have the choice to trust God or to rage against God. I once heard Rick Warren say, “That grief is a part of life, but you can’t let a season of grief turn into a lifestyle of grief.” You have to deal with grief whenever a dream of yours dies. You have to give yourself time to process it all, but you can’t allow yourself to get stuck there.
Life is unfair! Life is a BIG test! But the choice is yours. Will you claim God’s promises? Will you dive into His word? Will you praise Him even when it hurts or will you let this take over your life?
Remember to hold those you love close. Don’t let little things make you complain. You are here for a reason. What is God asking of you? Who’s life will you influence for good or bad? It is your choice. If you are at one of those crossroads, I pray that God’s peace surrounds you and that His love sustains you. I pray that you are able to truly grasp just how much He truly loves you. He is not punishing you. He is using you to show His glory. Allow yourself to let that glory show. You are stronger than you believe. Just give yourself some time. I believe you will one day look back in amazement at just how strong you were and just how much God blessed your life with the test He set before you. All things work together for good, NOT all things will be good. Remember that and let Him work all things together for good for you.
