• Let your light shine

    Date: 2012.11.07 | Category: Thoughts to ponder | Tags:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within is. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

    I love this saying so much.  Mainly because I have always wanted to not stand out.  I didn’t want to be different.  I didn’t want to make a splash or ruffle anyone’s feathers.  I have been talking to quite a few women lately – self-professed people pleasers.   They all want the same thing to be in control, to stay under the radar, to not cause any problems.

    I have decided that I no longer wish to live this way.  I have, in fact, lived that way most of my earlier life and to some degree through my 20’s & 30″s.  I was never sure of myself enough to speak up.  I never wanted to cause friction. I have actually been made fun of for being too happy.  I have watched it with my daughter, Cassie, too, this has probably helped me in seeing my happiness as objectively as I can and understanding why people say what they say.  How can someone fault you for being enthusiastic or happy or content?

    I have decided that my enthusiasm which is about my loving God and my life should be allowed to show.  In fact, I do a lot of  “This Little Light of Mine” singing.  (In my head of course, I don’t want to punish people.)  I can not show the glory and the work of God in my life if I’m afraid to talk about it for fear of what others might say.  That is why I post what is happening with the adoptions on Facebook and my blog.  I want others to see that I am trusting God in this matter.  I want them to be able to see that faith doesn’t mean I have all the answers.  It just means I know who does.  I should not be afraid to show that.  I should not be afraid to show my enthusiasm for this life in which I have the honor of living.  In fact, the word “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek words “en theos,” which means “in God.”   God has blessed me for having the faith to walk with him.   I want everyone to understand that although I live a very comfortable life now that is NOT what I am talking about.  God has blessed me in many ways but the blessings I am talking about are my husband and my children. I am lucky enough to be married to my soul mate and my best friend.  I believe with my whole heart that it is God leading us because God is talking to both of us with exactly the same dreams.

    I can be happy with very little and with a lot.  I have been without food.  I understand hungry. I understand not having money to pay bills or do anything fun.  But I am and have always been happy.  Happy is not the right word exactly.  It is content.  It is as Paul said, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Philippians 4:11    Content means knowing you have enough.  Content means to live without coveting your neighbors things.  Content is knowing when your husbands arms are around you, nothing else matters.  Content means knowing that the worst thing in life isn’t doing without things.  The worst thing in life is losing someone you love.  This can and will happen throughout your life.  Don’t live with regrets.  Love with your whole heart. Hold those you love near and pray for your enemies.  Life is too short to waste on bitterness and anger.

    I have a hard time with letting my light shine because then people say things like “you are amazing” or “what you are doing is so wonderful”.  I believe that I am following God’s plan for my life.  I believe where He is leading me truly is amazing and wonderful and I feel blessed for that, but I am an ordinary person.  There is nothing amazing or wonderful about me in particular.  I am trusting Him on this journey.  I am trusting God because I know that things are going to be hard at times.  I am relying on His strength.  I am trusting His plan.  My enthusiasm is based “in God”.   I hope that when people hear me talk they know who the glory goes to.  It does not go to Dan or I.  It goes to a God that would speak so clearly to both our hearts and bless us with children that are truly amazing, wonderful, happy little souls.  To be able to walk with them on their journey is a blessing.

    But I still have thoughts of what about when I stand before my Lord. What will He say?  Well done good and faithful servant?  What about you?  When you stand before Him and He shows you your life.  When He says, “Was this car worth more than a child’s life?”  When He asks, “Was eating out worth more than the help you could have given?” When He says “Where did you volunteer? What did you value with your time? Where were your priorities?”  What will you say?  These are questions that keep going through my head. I have failed so many times.  I have not had my eyes on where they should be.  For right now,  I have chosen to turn my life completely over to him.  I stand before you a mother who has decided it isn’t about things.  I have sold my bedroom furniture to make room for little beds all in a row.   I have removed furniture out of my sunroom.  The main room going into my house.  Have I mentioned I like things in order?  Have I mentioned that I used to feel my worth was tied up in how my house looked?  This is a big thing for a girl that likes control.  It is now the messiest playroom you have ever seen on most days.  But now when I see the mess, I choose to see the joy that was there.  The children have to pick it up, I’m not saying that.   It just isn’t always in order.

    I know I am still a work in progress.  I know I am so far from perfect and I wish it hadn’t taken me this long to figure this much out.  I am absolutely positive that more things will be made clear to me as time goes on, but what I do know is the things we think are most important really aren’t.  I couldn’t tell you what the bills were that I couldn’t pay years ago, that I cried tears over.  They are paid now and things all worked out.  I couldn’t tell you the things I wished I could have bought and wasn’t able to.  I couldn’t even tell you the car troubles I once had and worried over.  I can tell you that right now I can say with utmost certainty,  beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would trade all that I have to get my children here from China.  Things are things. They will come and they will go but they are not what should have worth in your life.

    I am content.  I am happy.  I am loved by a God that is bigger than any of my worries.  For that reason, I want my light to shine.  I want that light to shine on adoption.  I want others to see that they can help the widow and the orphan.  What is God saying to you?  Where is your light shining?  Don’t be afraid to let it shine for you too are a child of God and were born to manifest that light.   Sing with me now….This little light of mine….  🙂