-
Ben Ben is 5
I can remember how I felt the day I first saw his picture. The little “Tigger” we had been praying for.
I prayed and prayed that the family, who had his paperwork, would decide to not lock his file. I knew he was my son from that very first moment. I still remember Dan’s face when I came home and asked what the cardiologist had said. Tears on his face, Dan told me that he was our son and we may not have him long but we were going to go get him and love him every single day until God called him home and “Tigger” would never, ever be alone again. I have loved Dan for a long time, over 30 years now, and I can honestly say that I have never loved him more than at that very moment.
I can still vividly see Ben’s sad, sweet face when he walked through that door at the Registration Office. I can see Dan’s face as he ran to the door to get his boy and how he held Ben so close. How Benjamin held on to Dan and would not let go. I can still picture that outfit, he came in, that looked like a Harley Davidson biker jacket.
I can hear his very first laugh. He sounded hoarse, like he hadn’t laughed in a very long time.
I remember how he stood there and stared at our dresser drawer full of food and slept with his bowl and spoon. I remember crying because he was so thin. My heart hurt knowing what he had gone through in the 3 1/2 years before he became our son.
I remember him looking so sad every time we left the hotel, like he was afraid we were going to take him back.
I remember thinking it was all worth it no matter how much time we got. He was worth it.
He asked that we call him Ben Ben. We didn’t know why until we traveled to China this year. In China, it is a form of endearment to double up child’s first name. I remember how sweet he was with Dan and how much they loved each other from the very first moment they met.
Just recently we discussed Evie’s scar and Ben told me that he knows that he and Eli need surgery for their hearts but he was okay with not having it and Eli could just go. He is nervous. He understands that we are worried. He understands the hushed tones and the planning. He has been hospitalized a couple of times now. Ben gets tired. He still takes naps. He is still very, very blue.
He rests a lot, but he still has fun. He runs and plays and drives his cozy coupe all over the house.
He chases his siblings all around the yard and house. He is a happy, happy boy.
He is truly the sweetest boy. He is caring and thoughtful. He is very, very bright. He is a wonderful addition to our family. He was a huge step of faith that brought us immeasurable blessings.
Maisey and Ben, met that day in March, for the very first time. They had never met before, but they were instantly friends. The little boy who wouldn’t talk and the girl who couldn’t hear still communicated. Maisey and Ben are still the very best friends.
Benjamin dreams of being an epic cook, a train conductor, Jake, an Octonaut or Doc McStuffins. He sings and dances. He loves Superman and Spiderman.
Birthdays are bittersweet. On one hand it means that he has been with us just that much longer and on the other hand it means another day has passed that I can’t get back and he has limited days. In reality we all do, Ben’s condition just makes it that much more apparent. We should all enjoy each and every day we have with our family. Some days it is easier to do that than others, but Benjamin makes me think about what is really important. Benjamin makes me a better person. Benjamin has made my walk with Christ all that much closer. I have a trust in God’s plan that I never had before. Benjamin made taking a chance on Evie and Eli, an easy decision because we knew how blessed you can be when taking that first step in faith.
Ben has a joy for life that is contagious and a style that is all his own. I remember praying that I would get at least a day with Ben and now I have been blessed with 538. 538 glorious days! What a blessed mama I have been to be able to call him son.
Today we will be happy. Today we will have a Jake and the Neverland Pirate’s party. We will eat cake and ice cream. Today we will not think about the future or what may be. Today we will celebrate all that Ben’s life is. Ben has big plans and has asked all his siblings to dress up for the occasion. Today we will sing Happy Birthday and hold our boy tight. Praying that we have another year as beautiful and blessed as this one. Today, we will live in the today. Because, truth be told, that is all that any of us really have.
Happy birthday sweet Ben Ben. May God continue to bless you and hold you near. What a blessing you have been to our family.
