• 3 months and I couldn’t be happier

    Date: 2012.06.12 | Category: Benjamin | Tags:

    On the 3 month anniversary of our adoption, I wanted to share a heartwarming story. I took the garbage out tonight and when I came back in Benjamin ran up to me and hugged my leg tight and said, “My Mama! My Mama!” and then proceeded to fold his hands in prayer. He said, “Mamen Mama.” I said, “You want to pray Benjamin?” and he said, “Mamen my Mama.” So I said, “You want to say Amen for your mama?” to which he replied, “Yes, Mamen Mama.” I then said a prayer that went like this, “Thank you Lord for my mama. Amen.” and Benjamin yelled as loud as he could. “Yes. Mamen!” I am so blessed to be loved by this little guy.

    I often thought what would be enough time to have with Benjamin.  I know a weird question but one I had to ask myself.  During the adoption process I would think about it.  I wasn’t worried.  I was just contemplating. Would I be bitter if it was God’s plan for Benjamin to die before we got him here to America.  Would I trust that it was right no matter what?  I know after only having 5 days with Kyle that I didn’t feel like it was enough.  Maybe because I was so sick and really didn’t get to spend the time I wanted to in the NICU.  Maybe it was because babies aren’t supposed to die and no amount of time would make it okay.  I’m not really sure.  But I wondered what I would feel with Benjamin. I can honestly say that I will be okay no matter what God has planned.  I only had to love this little boy for a couple of days to know that going through with the adoption was the right thing.  He feels as if he has been my son forever.  God’s plan is perfect.  God’s timing is perfect.  I love Benjamin so much.  I can’t imagine not having him here with me, but I can’t imagine a life where I would have never met him.  He is such a special little boy.  My heart will break.  My heart will hurt until we are together again, but I am so happy that we took the chance.  I am so blessed!